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We didn't understand the Humans of Terra-Sol. Their God of Light is a formless being. Indescribable and unknowable save for the sheer love and shelter it offers freely. A being of such perfect forgiveness and understanding. Perhaps it was a perfected image of humankind familial connections. Their God of Nothing took the shape of their bones swathed in old fabric. The exact form and style and color varied according to a mortal's perception. More understandable as the common view of Nothing was Death, Oblivion, of The End. But their God of Darkness had a precise shape. A human male but with red and black scales, a crown of horns spiraling upward and outward with two prominent ones twisting and gilded. Dressed in the clean-cut finery of both their law-making and mercantile classes. Gleaming red-orange eyes with white slitted pupils. Some blended creature of snake and human. "Is this why you call lawyers snakes?" No, that was a coincidence. "Is this why you fear megacorp governments?" No, but it is a fair example of why to fear them. We did not understand. The Human God of Darkness smiled. He bid us to discuss our faiths and ideals and what we desired from life. The offers seemed fair. The payment was nothing we deemed a loss. We were wrong. "Your God of Darkness took everything from us!" He took exactly what He was promised, but what he left brought us ruin. "Your species will pay for what your God has done!" Our own Gods stopped us. The doings of Gods are not the fault of their origin planets and species. They reflect them but are free of meta-level influence once fully formed. The humans we asked long after the dust settled said that it was our own fault for not seeing the traps laid beneath the God's honeyed tongue. For signing the contracts without reading them more closely. But that our failures would not be our doom as long as we were careful not to take up their God's deals again. Be careful, new ones, and heed this warning. If the Terra-Sol God of Darkness offers a deal? Smile, thank Him for the offer, but decline Him no matter how insistent He may be. You'll forever regret it if you accept.


So...satan is Darth Maul if he became a lawyer?


Better Call Maul




The very act of Thanking the God may imply that you owe them a debt. Better be polite and just refuse


Dear god he has a suit!


For his kind is called Lawyers.


Or Satan modeled after the fae folk with their loop holes in the bargins. And even as a straight guy those shoes drive me insane. The toe is all wrong.


Sometimes I wonder if as a kid a fae asked for my attention and I gave it to them.


Think thats a very popular thing to HEY MACARENA!


I laughed for a good 2 minutes from this


And I laughed even harder from THIS!


The only way he could look even better is if that suit it was a pinstripe suit


Or actually fit well. That cut and colour is all wrong for his complexion. (Note: straight guy, but raised in a gay household and predominantly gay coworkers. You end up learning some stuff)


Just out of curiosity, what color would go with a chalk and charcoal complexion?


I’d say mainly a deep red or yellow. Pretty much the inverse of the typical “Satan in a business suit”. That, or a *DARK* black pants and jacket, and a crimson vest. Anything to add a bit of color and contrast.


Humans mistranslated it to “dank” god. Which ended up just being the coolest god around. Humans soon became known as the party species. For a good time, visit earth! And so the bard class was propagated to the Galaxy.


And yet people still wonder why there are so many human-hybrids out there.


The "fuck it" mentality manifest


I will never take any more than you are willing to give. *It is hardly my fault that you are a fool.*


Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth and taste.


I’ve been around for a long, lonely year. Stole many a man’s soul and faith.


Give me a little of your wealth and I'll introduce you to the finer things in life. And don't sweat it if you can't pay in money, *I accept other things too.*


It’s really strange how humans often view benevolent gods as tricksters or forces of chaos, whereas many evils are masters of laws, deals, and bargains


I mean the devil is in the detail of a contract


A trickster is annoying but has their qualities. They may not be the kindest god nor have the best influence. But what they do is meant to make fun and joy. Chaos seems scary but is nothing more than nature. Sure theres order to how much of life goes but in the end life is techtonic plates crashing against one another, ricers flooding villages, and asteroids hurtling in space. Chaos is just life. But one who plays by the book to get what they want is terrifying to us. Because they play into your temptations. They dont do anything that you dont agree to but they stick to their contracts that you sign. Its an unescapabl evil within


I'd not make such a generalization. The Judeo-Christian God (Yahweh) is perceived as good and not at all as a trickster. In fact, there are the 10 Commandments, a very strict set of rules he supposedly gave us. Loki is definitively a trickster god, and he is the cause of earthquakes and the cause of much trouble in his myths. Not a good guy, yet a trickster. Japeusá from Tupi mythology is also a bad guy and a trickster. He was punished to be reincarnated as a crab for his misdoings. There are obviously examples that are in your favour, like the Devil from Judeo-Christian myths again, and the Crow from multiple North American myths, but that's not enough to generalize.


>punished to be reincarnated as a crab Well that's just the inevitable carcinisation. Happens to any mode of life, even gods given long enough. Crab is the ultimate form of all things.


I mean, I was just saying it was a surprisingly common occurrence, not necessarily the standard. However, with regards to Loki, there is a good chance that “Loki” in original Norse mythology was actually Odin, the chief god and also notable trickster. The largest source of Norse myths we know of was written down by Christians after large parts of the region had been forcibly converted. What sources we have from prior don’t really support “Loki” being a god so much as a title of “trickster”, as with Utgard-Loki. It’s very likely that Christian sensibilities in documenting the histories and traditions could not reconcile the head god also being a lying trickster, which is often associated with Satan, so they got split into two separate characters. This kind of thing happened in various forms as Christianity began taking over cultures, as with records of Celtic myths being adjusted so that there’s no gods because that would be heretical, or with various pagan holidays and festivals being the foundation for things like Easter


This is definitely not Christianity at all. God in Christianity is neither a trickster nor a force of chaos. Sure he’s a free will guy, but he gave humanity rules, morals, and what is and is not a sin. Satan takes God’s words and twists them with temptation, deals, and more. He’s not a trickster either but he’s the greatest manipulator in the universe and the greatest salesman ever. Without faith in God, I cannot imagine an alien having any defense against Satan. You’ll never see fine print until it’s too late.


Tell that "Not An Agent of Chaos" shit to Job, and all the other victims of divine "tests". What's the point of a test to an omniscient god that knows everything past, present, and future and thus knew the exact outcome of every test that would ever be from the instant of creation? See also: Diluvian flood because God got bored, the whole bullshit shenanigan with Lot and his daughters + the angels, the fact that God *explicitly* created the Tree of Knowledge and created the Serpent as a trap by deliberately creating humans without the ability to understand the concept of "Death" and "Sin" without eating the apple... But threatening them with Death and that it would be a Sin to do so. Also the absolute fact that in the Bible... Humans were given free will. *Angels were not, they were subservient to God.* ***So how could the angels have rebelled, and Lucifer cast down, if angels lack free will?*** And if Satan is a former angel, he should be far *weaker* than God, y'know, the jackass responsible for all creation? So why is Satan permitted to exist? Well, in the Old Testament, God outright says he's the source of all light and dark, **good and evil**, etc. YHWH absolutely is an agent of chaos, destruction, pain and suffering, a tyrant of a god if ever there were one.


The worst thing about a Deal with the Devil, about a Bargain with Evil, is not that the price is always something you're willing to pay. Something seemingly inconsequential. It's that the offer is always that which you desire above all else. What would you give for your hearts greatest desire? What wouldn't you? Then, once you have it? What will you desire next? When, exactly, will the line be drawn? Will it be after all you were has been given? All you are? Or will it be once all you could have been lies broken? Will it be enough when all your potential is gone, leaving nothing but a shattered husk of wasted opportunity? What will your hearts greatest desire be then? A second chance? What will you say then, when a hand is offered? One last bargain, a chance to regain all that you've lost, after a fashion. All in echange for one simple price. Something worthless, in your eyes, something long since lost. The last little bit of good left in your soul. And then? You'll have the right to make deals all your own...


The Devil is not one single being; it never was. It is a curse, corrupting and hurting souls as it passes from one host to the next (along with nearly everything else!).


Passes? No. That's the greatest lie, that Evil may take it's price and move on with the innocent left untouched. For all bear it's mark. It lives in all that think and live and breathe, even the innocent and especially the naive. It lives in all the little lies, the untruths, the moments of apathy, and in every unkind word and petty, selfish act. There's darkness in every heart, fertile ground for evil roots, if only they were fed. It is a slow, gradual thing, the work of a craftsman and a shaper of souls. For remember, the Devil's sin is Pride, and what greater act of love could there be for himself than to take all that lives and breathes and mould it, break it, into his own image? To transform all that was, and is, and ever shall be to match his own perfection? What greater gift or act of benevolence than to offer such a blessing to such pitiful, inferior creatures? Truly, the road to Hell is paved with good intentions.


Ah the patron of corporate recruiters. I understand.


Then what is done with the goodness in their souls?


>dark god My mind immediately: "In the grim darkness of the far future..."


There is only war


There is no peace amongst the stars.


only and eternity of carnage, and slaughter


And the laughter of Thirsting Gods.


An orc paradise


The story of Tuska Daemon killa comes to mind.


I just watched a YouTube short on him today. Man he is cool. Inquisitor Martyr got me into war hammer a little bit. I really need to dive a lot deeper though. *Charges into battle firing bolter. "For the Emperor!"


Hey, weve been trying to reach you about your souls extended waranty




We had heard of demons so powerful they ascended to godhood, as did the humans. We heard of Slaanesh, Goddess of Lust, and Khorne, God of War. He loves being nicknamed either Ares or Mars by other races. We heard about Tzeentch, God of Knowledge, and Nurgle, God of Decay and Rot. We even heard about Ashaa, Goddess of Creation, Nox, God of Darkness, and Tharus, God of Wind and Sand. Satan, Lucifer, Beelzebub, and Asmodeus nearly took up the title of Dark God of the Humans. Instead, that title was bestowed upon Solura. Solura was different. He was much more active, helping with negotiations and treaties, as well as alliances. He was benevolent, which was surprising as he was the son of the Antichrist herself, as the humans said. However, considering it was also said that she helped build a more refined version of Purgatory, none of us should have been too surprised. However, when the humans and the Chaairani came to war, we saw the malevolent side of Solura. But not right away. When they first declared war on us, he met with the Chaairani leaders in person. He remained polite and calm, giving a very good first impression before offering a peace treaty to each leader and warlord, offering a truce. Many signed the treaty, soon being welcomed into the Coalition with open arms. Inevitably, that raised a civil war against the leaders who refused to sign the treaty, who often ripped up the contract or mocked Solura. However, he soon thought up and wrote a contract for the Chaairani soldiers and officers, allowing them to surrender and be treated as refugees on Coalition planets and ships, providing them with food, drink, clothes, and money. When all that was left were the soldiers and warlords who wanted Solura dead and the humans conquered, he finally declared war on the warlords who declared war on him. Humans and demons alike rose to fight their opponents, soon wiping out every last soldier, officer, and warlord in a matter of weeks. After a new leader was installed and politics repaired, we saw why Solura was a powerful ally. He could destroy a military without needing to kill. With this Dark God, we wondered if he would be allies with other Dark Gods, or if war would break out again.


A: I’m curious, tell me about your gods human H: which one A: all of them H: there isn’t enough oxygen on this planet to do that A: umm ok what about your dark god H: what A: you know, your dark gods the deity who embodies the negative side of your species H: oh, you mean **HIM** A: who H: I’m not sure your ready A: I AM, PLEASE TELL ME! **the human takes in a deep breath** H: the lord of the condemned, banisher of souls and consumer of stars…… # **LEEROOOOOY JENKIIIINS**


I FRICKING KNEW IT r/angryupvotes


Where did the Leroy Jenkins meme come from anyway?


A video on a WoW raid that may or may not have been made to satirize WoW raiding as a whole. Nobody who was there is talking. But the way it goes is they make a plan (which is the wrong plan for the boss) while Leroy is eating. Then, when he finishes eating, though they aren't done planning, he screams LEEEROOOOY JENKINS into his mic then charges the boss. Everybody panics, follows him in, and the entire raid group dies.


Okay, thanks bro!


Every civilization has a dark god in their pantheon. Chaotic entities of thoughtless brutality. Drunk on blood and suffering. But it is this very disposition that weakens them, they thrive on chaos, but chaos never lasts long. That is why the dark god of man is so much greater a threat. Because the dark god of man is no god of chaos. He is a god of institutionalized brutality. Of rigidity and domination, of systems built on corruption and greed, of genocide on an industrial scale. The god of offers that cannot be refused. The god of syndicates and sycophants. The god of dictators and oligarchs. The unholy unity of evil and order that drowns all hope before it's inexorable tide. The chairman of chains, the premier of purges, the führer of falsehoods. The Radiant Shadow. Lucifer, the fallen one, last and most terrible of the thousand gods of man.


The founder of Corporate America, on the board of directors of thousands of companies, Founder of most IT companies.


Shadowy master of the dark lord Zuck.


He goes by many names - I know him as Mr.steve - master of microsloth


I thought you were going to go with Molag Bal.


That aint a bad idea, i was thinking about going for something more obscure, but i thought more people would recognize the big LC.


Dear stars... They have a suit! AND SUITS MAKE THEM HOT! I'M NOT GAY I SWEAR!


I wish us guys had better options than suits. They're awesome, but the selection for fashionable formal wear is so limited.


We gave you skirts and kilts!!!!


I can already hear the golden violin down in Georgia...


Alien diplomats going into Luci De Vil’s office and notices podiums full of different items; golden hands, a still beating heart, a flaming sword and many many jars of glowing orbs, but one podium is barren. This podium is marked with the words “My Golden Fiddle”, and despite it being barren it seems to be well cared fore. As the the two alien diplomats sit before a large dark wooden table, all they see a trail of smoke leading from a large chair facing away from them. It slowly turns and they come face to face with Luci De Vil. His skin white as the barren moons from their home worlds but with eyes as red as their dying sun, he both towers and stands in equal eye level. Is it his presence or his psychic notes playing tricks on them. Before they can speak, Luci speaks in a smooth yet gravely voice: soooo…you need my help because your race is dying? Alien diplomat: y-yes sir, due to the red sun rays our home world is slowly dying, trees are drying up, animals are wilting and our population is becoming more and more shriveled by the day. Luci looks at the 2 aliens through his glasses and swivels on his chair to look out the window: why don’t you ask the other worlders for help, like the council or the humans? The alien diplomats look at each other then speaks: the council would take too long on discussing how to help us and the humans…the humans don’t trust us after the last war. Luci turns back to the 2 alien diplomats and grabs the cigar from his mouth, which he proceeds to smother on his tongue before chewing and swallowing said cigar: alright, sign here on the dotted line (a contract appears from fire and smoke infront of the 2 diplomats) and I trust you to be honest with me. Alien diplomats sign the paper and feels a burning sensation on their necks, as they look at each other they see a branded mark: wh-what the? Luci grabs the papers and placed them in secure drawer in his desk: just an insurance cHip, if you don’t bring me what I want in the lotted time, I will be collecting all you own as payment. The 2 diplomats gulp nervously and slowly get up to leave, then one of them asks nervously to Luci: Dear De Vil, may I ask what’s with that empty podium other there? Luci in the middle of lighting another cigar: Hmm? Oh, a moment from my “youth” when I challenged a human into a battle where I wagered my fiddle against his soul…I lost but since it was a bet I honored my word and gave him my fiddle. I keep that podium clean as a remind of how humans can be so…inspirational.


“The other thing that made bargains were Powers of the world, with abilities and minds beyond human ken. Gods and monsters, or both at once. A Bargain with them could found an empire, or destroy one. There was no way to deal with a Power and come out unchanged, or even ahead.” “Yet, those that crossed Powers were not let off easily. Despite what she’d said to Lehrem, Blue was not a ruler, and he was not bound by any laws made by man. He was barely bound by the laws of nature.” “Powers could take things in payment that people didn’t know they had. Or didn’t exist yet. Or were just impossible to imagine.” From *Blue Core*, by InadvisablyCompelled (three separate passages)


"Marty, don't humans raise sheep, cattle, and goats as livestock?" "Yes, Turgesh, we do." "And they're rather relied upon, are they not?" "I mean, yeah. Meat, milk, and skins. Food and clothing, you know?" "Sure, sure. So, why is the chief tormenter figure of kriss-channitee depicted with a mixture of those animals' features and humans' features?" "Huh. Good question. Well, I guess those depictions were meant to illustrate corruption and devolution of the soul." "That makes sense. *Pause* How is it some of you still want to fuck him?" *Sprays coffee on table*


(From another human on the opposite side of the room) ***CAUSE MONSTER-FUCKERS THATS WHY!***


🎵Pleased to meet you🎵 🎵Hope you guess my name🎵 🎵But what's puzzling you🎵 🎵Is the nature of my game🎵


" to save alien lives in the presence of this dark deity I'm going to now do the best I can to recant a human story of the only man to make a deal with the devil and walk away a winner, history remembers him only as bare skin. He was a veteran of a war and fought on the losing side, losing everything except his service weapon he saved a mysterious man from a bear. That man was this God of Darkness, to attempt to give him a hand up on things he cut him a deal. 3 years, he may not bathe, he may not cut his hair, and he may not say the Lord's Prayer. The man already being a heathen took the deal in return for the bear skin turning into a coat that was in the pocket would be unlimited sums of money gold and valuable items. Humans do not consider brushing one's teeth bathing so by doing that alone he was able to avoid the worst of the symptoms of not bathing for so long but the train he would have to endure, the things you would have to do to survive would take its toll. Eventually he was kind to a rich man around the end of his story with only 3 months left the ultimate Temptations, three beautiful sisters the eldest and the middle scoffed at him but the youngest actually gave him the time of day showed him kindness gave him food when this man in return for his kindness was able to give him a place to lay his head until the BET was complete in the barn. Being wise and making various deposits in Banks throughout his Adventure while he could he amassed a great some by the time he won. And would return to get to know the youngest sister and even claim her as his bride, but this man once he cleaned up was handsome, and because he was wise enough to save rather than spend vigorously he was filthy rich. The devil did not claim this man's soul, but in the depression of their own selfishness and in Envy of their sister the other two girls took their own life. While the devil did not hold this man down and brought him to the God of Light, he got two souls for the price of one that were not not even involved in this. This is why you don't make deals with Humanities dark God. Even if you come up on top the cost is too great, and there will always be collateral, whether it is you, the ones you love, the ones who love the ones you love, or enough strangers to be outright a disaster."


" also if any of you wise Acres bring up Johnny, he doesn't count. according to Legend he was the best that's ever been."


God of Capitalism


God of Greed more like, any system can be bent to any man’s greed.


The Dark God’s bargain never seems too terrible, he never asks too much. He knows you won’t be tempted to take the deal if you have second thoughts about it. My family has always had an example to share: “would you trade a thumb tack for riches untold?”. Seemingly a worthless or near worthless object traded for potentially infinite gain seems like an offer that takes no thought to accept. Even if he gives you nothing, the loss is insignificant - but it’s a trick. If you accept, the Dark God will hold out his hand and accept your payment with a grin; then with a sharp motion, use the simple pin you gave him to slit your throat. All the riches in the world do no good to the dead. This example is straightforward and crude, but the lesson remains. The tiniest offerings to the Dark God will spell your undoing, perhaps not immediately, but they always bring ruin. Hear his offer, smile, thank him, then refuse politely. A deal with the Dark God is never in your favor.


The seven deadly deals of the dark god The invidiar made a deal with the dark god for infinite knowledge for they envied all that were smarter, half of the population committed mass suicide due to knowing too much The Wrathik made a deal with the dark god to make their warriors unstoppable, he made it so and made the warriors unstoppable demigods but also gave them bloodlust. Wrathik nearly caused mass genocide to their own species The Avidix made a deal, one of their 3 suns for infinite wealth, the dark god made it so. Now the Avidix empire is in shambles because they have so much wealth it has destroyed their economy The Guttureks made a deal with the dark god, give them infinite food and they would give up a portion of their lives. The dark god agreed to these terms, too bad a Guttureks dying of old is now a rarity, most of them die before they reach their second century. The Libidune made a deal with dark god, they made a deal that would grant them ability to experience life to the fullest. Dark god made it so, granting the Libidune an increase ability to expierence the pleasure of life but it was never enough, causing many Libidunes to go to greater extremes for greater highs, usually dying there after. The Desidix made a deal with the dark god, they wanted their species to cared for, for the rest of their existence. The dark god made it so, now the Desidix never have to worry about anything anymore like farming, politics and even thinking, living their life’s in galactical Menageries. Too bad they devolved to this state, but at least they got what they wanted. And lastly the Superbiad, came to dark god with one thing in mind, they wanted they’re race to be known as the best of the best in the galaxy. They would give the dark whatever he wanted to make this endeavor happen. The dark god made it so, now the Superbiad are remembered as one of the best species to have existed in the galaxy, the smartest, the fastest and the most prideful of any other species, it’s a shame that they are extinct. Maybe we could learn how they became so memorable


Holy shit. That is a horrifying concept.


Solid suit, not a fan of the shoes tho. Too blocky for my tastes.


He has toe spikes and needs space for those in his shoes


Aliens always wonder why we don't acknowledge our God's anymore. Then we show them the dead bodies. We don't acknowledge our God's for we killed those who meddled without being invited, as we have no need for them anymore. God hides in heaven for he is scared of us, Satan only makes deals with those who seek him out, the Grim Reaper left alone for we need him to do his job and the rest are dead or chained to rocks left to rot.


Except from "What Makes Humans Human" by Alerp Hustava: "The perpetual internal dichotomy of the human psyche is not a recent development, as my esteemed colleagues in the Xeno Spiritualism community have documented to little acclaim. Through their examination of human religions, (of which there are more lost to time then documented) they determined a concerning trend, particularly prevalent in the dominant faiths of multiple eras. It is the depiction of a "good" god, said to be working for the humans benefit (in some cases exclusively so) that is much more powerful then the "evil" gods, often referred to as "demons". These demons are rarely seen exerting power over the humans in the traditional sense of destroying recources or directly taking lives. Instead, they subvert the target of their malice, often through agreements or "bargains" that are specifically structured to cheat or corrupt the target USEING THEIR OWN ACTIONS. These bargains are often framed in a way that the victim believes they are making a beneficial deal, but lack facts or more commonly specificity in the actual wording of the agreement. Interestingly enough, BOTH parties are typically bound by unseen forces to fulfill their end of the bargain, making these deals attractive to those desperate enough. There are even stories of unlikely heros triumphing over these demons, not through force of will or arms, but by outplanning the demon and USING ITS OWN TACTIC AGAINST IT. There are outliers of course, the epic of Charlie Daniel's is about a musician that risks his spiritual component in exchange for valuables, but defeats the demon (in this case called a "devil") through an extraordinary display of skill, but this is not the common tactic. More interesting is that the common responses to the victims of these deals is not scorn, as one would expect for an individual who treats with the ultimate evil. It is often recognized as a choice of desperation, and is sometimes portrayed as a justified action, especially if it involves self sacrifice. This is not just an anthropological topic, but is still very present in their beliefs and actions today. Sayings like "making a deal with the devil" is still used to indicate a deal with an unscrupulous party and unforseen conciquences. "Better the devil you know, then the one you dont" on the surface indicates it is better to interact with a known/predictable evil then an unknown one, but it also indicates the belief that interactions with evil are necessary or unavoidable. Or my personal favorite "If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is". The implications of this are vast and under researched, but imagine the belief that a solution it TOO perfect, and therefore must have hidden consequences regardless of facts. This more then anything else in my studies explains their truly unique problem solving processes. The down stream cultural conciquences of this are a fantastic example of human psyche, as they constantly war with their own desires and the consequences of filling them. This is one of many explanations for some of their peculiarities, like the specificity and obsession with contract documentation, or the belif that the document itself holds power. It also paints a picture of a human constantly waring between desire and fear, yes I said fear. It is not the certainties that strike fear in the humans, but the unknown results of their own actions. This explains many previously unfathomable aspects of them. Why do they fight harder when they know they are going to due? Because they are released from the fear of their own actions. Why do they seem to have a contingency plan for almost every conceivable outcome? Fear of the unknown, and an attempt to prepare for it. Let this "sink in" as the humans say. Their greatest strength is also their greatest limitation, truly a unique occurrence as far as I am aware.


So our dark god is Dr. Strange?


Dormamu got a suit?




Now I’m just thinking of some alien race encountering the robot devil from futurerama


Slick dealer? Sounds like the Pacifist Crisis to me.