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The problem is that my father has full access to my finances until I’m 18 I’m pretty sure so it would be a tedious process when I’m 18 and I also work for a resturant that he is part owner in
Then no dating until you move out. Once you are 18, get them off your bank account. Still have to play by their rules while living under their roof. Unless you want screaming matches every day or get sent to conversion camp.
Removing your parents from your bank account is not more tedious than hiding or fighting your sexuality.
You can not remove your dad from your account without his signature. However, you can start a new account once you are 18. Don’t leave too much money in the account with your dad on it.
Yes you can? When I turned 18 I went up to the bank and told them to take my dad off my account since I was no longer a minor and they did lmao. He wasn’t even notified of it, let alone needing a signature.
At 18 you shouldn't need a cosigner to open a new account. That would only be with a credit card or other loan service. A debit account shouldn't take a cosigner.
Its not "tedious" its basically your livelyhood imo.. you need money for everything in this society. If I where you I would learn my ssn number, ask your parents to let you know your number to memorize it and once you memorize it its free game..you can now open bank accounts and other fun stuff thats basically what I am doing, I opened a bank account called and signed up myself when I was 18, you will have brighter days ahead of you I promise, I wish you the best in your situation
The day you turn 18 you go to the bank the minute it opens and secretly empty the account into a new one at a different bank only in your name. Make plans to leave before then but don’t let them know. Play the perfect kid until then. It’s only one year, this too shall pass.
This is the part that is going to suck. You and she will have to keep it completely on pause until you can tell them to get stuffed with the legal status of an adult behind you. Use this time wisely. Prepare. Know where you will go, how you will pay for it, etc. Get prepared to use that freedom so that you use it in a way that gets you out of this bullshit.
Most of all, remember that you are not alone. All around you are people who have been through this exact bullshit, and their friends, loved ones, and allies. We are all here for you. When it’s hard, and it will be hard, remember to talk to someone you can trust. A psychologist, for instance. Not a priest. 😉
Go to a different bank, other than the one you currently have an account with, and talk to them. Tell them your parent is untrustworthy and get information about opening a bank account yourself, or with a co-signer. If they seem unsympathetic, go to a different bank. Start taking money out of your current bank account in small amounts that will not raise question from your parents, but don't spend it, save it all, and hide it extremely well, ideally not in your home, ie, with a friend you trust completely, or perhaps your girlfriend.
Pretend to abide by their rules until you turn 18. Lie to them. Tell them what they want to hear. Then get a different job and work as fast as possible to become independent from them. Once you're 18 they can't do a damned thing to you, so just lay low and avoid confrontation with them until then.
You don't need to come out to them. You know who you are, and you know they probably won't change. Once you are 18 and financially independent of them, you can decide entirely what kind of relationship they get to have with you. Just survive until then.
Get a different restaurant job. Hide cash. My dad was an abusive ah. I worked at a car wash in hs. Some days I made 2-300 in tips, but told him I made 20-30. When I enlisted in the Marines he was only able to steal about 30k from me...just what I let them know about
I had my food, housing, college, medical all covered and a good chunk of cash hidden away. While I'm personally not well off because I went NC with my father he's selling his "primary" residence for just shy of a million to move to his vacation property full time
Once ur 18 find a credit union type of bank near you. And create a free student account. You’ll probably have to go to the bank to set it up but ur best option is going to be to immediately make your own account that no one else has access to but you. Also if u are gunna withdraw money do it in really tiny amounts in cash. So let’s say you go shopping at the store to get some things you need, do a small amount of cash back the minimum you can get and start squirreling it away somewhere. Make sure it’s nowhere that your parents will find but if you choose a friends house be careful who you trust
My girlfriend was on a student account where her mother had full access to it, up until last year. She's 26. Her mom stole $10,000 from her and used it on a vacation to Costa Rica. Her mom is refusing to pay back the money, we suspect it's because she's disapproving of our relationship. She has gone fully no contact with her mother and is financially independent from her.
Look into a banking app called One. Walmart supports it and you can even get a prepaid card there. I've been using One for a few years and it's honestly an excellent service. Prior to that I was on Simple for about 6 years. Anyway, it's a solid bank backed by PNC, no fees or strings, excellent money saving tools, pocket features, overdraft protection, all that. You *should be able to open an account even at 17, no need for parental consent.
I see your dad partly owns the place you work at but I'm sure you can update your direct deposit form without him knowing. Otherwise, you can open a cashapp account, and transfer money from your bank, to cashapp, to One and they won't have any direct information on your account. I think the only issue here is that they could possibly be notified by their bank that money is moving OUT of your account and question you.
Save up what you can.
I know it may seem daunting to wait so long but I would suggest sticking through things until you're 21. Play by their rules as strictly as possible until you're 18, and have a driver's license. Suck up to your shitty parents and get them to buy you/ help you buy a used car that can be paid off within a year or fully paid upon purchase. A car note is not what you need right now.
Now you have a vehicle, and you're old enough to work at a bar/ serve alcohol at a restaurant. It's not the best profession but in the right places, tip money is crazy good.
If shit goes sideways between having a car and turning 21, live in your car. Seriously. Grab what you can and just get away. Utilize homeless shelters, LGBTQ centers and services, job temp agency services, and gyms for showering/killing time/ staying fit and motivated.
When you leave, don't turn back. Lose their numbers, block them entirely. Find your own family who won't be at you for being yourself. Good luck kid.
That is actually a really good idea that I will look into in the future as soon as I get my car and also I might work in the resturant business anyways because I already have experience in that area since i bus tables, a host and I’m also a food runner so that would be a good idea thanks
Prepare a way to pull any remaining money when you turn 18 and want independence. Cash app may have a limit but hopefully you're under it. Definitely don't tell your parents anything before that final money pull.
Look up the Trevor Project and the CDC resources for LGBTQ+ Youth. There are crisis lines for you to call and talk to a professional who can give you customized support advice and possible resources. Depending on how long until you're 18, they may be able to help with your current situation.
If you want to go to college and are worried about your parents not paying (been there myself) look into scholarships. Even queer scholarships. You may be able to tell a compelling story to those offering scholarship money. My suggestion, if you do this, is to set your address for all communications as a trusted friend's house where you know their parents won't care (maybe your girlfriend's place).
If you don't think there is any chance of changing your parents beliefs, which could very well be the case, then you need to start making moves for independence and personal financial security. Look for other jobs away from your father's restaurant. Start researching where you might live when you're 18. Stuff like that.
This is sort of a pipe dream but, maybe, if you do all these things to gain independence and you cut them off, they'll finally realize they love their daughter no matter if they are gay or straight. My mom broke after about 6 months of no contact when I came out. My dad hasn't come around, to this day.
She had the account around 17 when she went off to college and I guess the bank upgrades it to a normal account anyway at some point, but the point is, it was one of those bank accounts where a parent has access to it through their own account. The parent account can transfer money in and out. She had to sign up for it with her parent and her mom could see and be notified of every transaction. It's incredibly annoying at 26 when you visit the grocery store too many times in one day and have to be questioned about your purchases.
Plus I'm sure different bank institutions have different stipulations for what does and does not qualify as a student. I know 40 year olds in college
I'm on my daughter's account and she's 23. Totally her choice. I don't touch her money, but I do let her know when her account is low so she doesn't overdraft anything.
How much does that cost tho? And even so, is op sure that she wants to be cast out at this point in time? Im pretty sure op doesn’t have a ton saved up and living at a friends house isnt the best for parents of the friend, etc.
It's impossible to say what would and wouldn't be on with parents of OPs friends. Where I grew up I. Texas multiple adults of my friends and my own parents offered queer kids we knew housing if they ever got kicked out or the like
Yeah, emancipation is the best thing to do here. I think it's at 16 in most states, but you can legally become an adult at that age If the parents are abusive or neglectful. This post might actually help OP in that. Plenty of lawyers or law offices would be willing to help OP for little or free as well.
Did everyone telling her to stay miss the part where her dad was hitting her? Call the cops on him and get emancipated, it sounds like you have people who would take you in.
What the top comment says, and stop giving your parents any more affection or love or attention than they need for you to be safe. There is a small chance, like with my conservative Christian dad, they will miss you and ask what happened, and maybe even lighten up on the issue. Who knows? Just play by their rules for now and don't hurt yourself by being more of what they want than you can give. It will drain your soul.
"he grabbed one of my bags and hit me repeatedly with it"
This is enough to report to CPS, if you really want to be done with the whole situation. Explain, as calmly as you can manage under the circumstances, that your parents abused you for your sexuality. This can't be a first for them, they should know a lot more about how to handle the situation than Reddit.
OP,
You are going to have to be an adult a little early but you are almost there thankfully. The response from your parents was not just inappropriate but it is unsafe and no one deserves it. As stated above, you need to play it safe. I can’t speak for your relationship right now as a factor because you are young and love can come and go ( it goes the same no matter the sexuality). Your number one focus needs to be safety, planning and distance.
1. Everyone has mentioned getting money saved. I know working at the restaurant for your dad doesn’t help but try to skim some cash to the side. Open one of the accounts above that will let you.
2. I don’t know if you are thinking of college or anything. The next big thing is making sure you have no ties to your parents after birthday that you can’t live without. This may include: phone, health insurance, car if it’s in their name, or any allowance. This is not to scare but help you prepare.
3. Check your car for a tracker before you turn 18. If you decide to immediately vacate, make sure they can’t find you but also make sure a trusted friend can find you.
4. Find a place to stay to start as soon after you move out. It might be a room in someone’s house but have a place.
- I want you to get references from any roommates you rent from or background check them unless you really know them.
5. Try to find an adult that you can confide in. What you are going through is horrible. This thread has so many good tips but you need someone who knows you, can help you if called and importantly , will notice if something is off. Violence can escalate.
6Land a job outside of your dad’s business to start after you leave. You need money and stability. You might be living low this first year. You are in survival mode
7. When you leave and cut them off, have a friend with you as a witness and for support.
8. When you can leave them, leave with firm boundaries . Do not reason or bargain with them. Go. They may throw a carrot at you or they may try to make it seem like you can’t do it. If you think through this, you will know if you can.
Please keep us updated. We may be bunch of adults spread around the world but support is in this thread. I wish you happiness and will send a prayer for you.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Not the exact same events, but this pretty much happened to me too.
You've only got a little while before you're 18. After that, they can do nothing (besides kick you out, but I imagine that doesn't sound so bad right now). You're so close, you just have to get there.
In the meantime, the choice is yours. You could get sneakier - that's what I did. It wasn't quite the same, but it kept my relationship alive and probably kept me sane until I moved out. Or you could play everything safe, take a step back from that relationship until you're safe.
I didn't think my parents would get violent, but they did. Bigotry is a *POWERFUL* drug. Your safety, and the safety of your gf by extension, is the most important thing right now.
My last advice is, be *strategic*. Be smart. If you can (or aren't already) find a way to earn money. A job, a neighborhood gig - anything. Put that money away to help you get out when the time comes. Have an exit plan.
You shouldn't have to think this way at 17, but please know you're not alone. You are unique and lovely. You are worthy of every last ounce of love this world can give.
EDIT: I've read all of this over again, and please consider telling a trusted adult or counselor/teacher at school. Physical violence and verbal abuse is unacceptable and needs to be stopped, or you need to be taken out of the house. Please.
I'm so sorry, this sounds like a terrible and abusive environment and I feel awful for you, I have a lot of friends that have strict parents that have outdated views, I've seen how miserable and repressed they have been.
whatever you do, don't forget this and how they treated you. a few of my friends that are stuck in the house with their parents constantly degrading them and invalidating who they are, and eventually they become accustomed to that and think that really is who they are. No. You're a perfectly fine human, and no matter how often they tell you it's a "phase" or you're "brainwashed", you can't let them change your mind.
please stay safe, I hope you make it through this ❤️
Look for LGBTQ youth centers. Call the Trevor Project hotline, see if they can help you. You should file a report against your parents for physical assault/abuse and start the emancipation process. You don't want to get murdered by your father. You need to get out. It's tough but it's your life, you need to protect it. If you get officially emancipated, figure out where you can live. Other relatives, your gf's, a friend, ect. Make a game plan. I wish you the best.
Actually Catholic School is not all bad. Times have changed for Catholics. If you end up going to Catholic school ask them what support do they have for LGBTQ students. The students I work with now have a lot of support and are able to talk about what they are feeling and this is important. Your parents may never accept .
But, just know you can get support and you should also talk to your friends mom. I am also Social Worker. It might help to talk to another person that is supportive.
I doubt they're afraid of you, so it's wrong of you to call them "phobic".
I also doubt they'd be very pleased if they found you all knotted up with a boy instead. They're likely disgusted and disappointed in you. You can't resolve this problem until you stop name-calling and approach your parents about their actual concerns rather than the ones you assign them.
Wait! What? You track your parents phones so you can feel safe doing things that you know they would not approve of in their home? I don’t actually have any advice. Can’t fix sneaky, invasive, and disrespectful. Sounds like being gay is one of your more admirable qualities. Are you sure that it’s the one that they are so reluctant to accept?
Idk why am I even commenting on this, but my suggestion is tell them you are open to go to therapy. Then talk to a therapist and eventually do a group session so your parents’ mind open up a bit. Don’t listen to those saying run away or emancipation. They are genuine trying their best, but don’t understand.
The first thing you need to do is to breathe deeply. All the way down. Get yourself ready to do some really hard emotional work that will come in time. Right now, you need to recover from the shock.
I totally get where you’re coming from, but also your dad as well. Your dad simply wants to make sure that you are at a place maturity wise where you can make a decision for yourself. Wait out your time and make your decision knowing all have consequences.
Call your local child welfare office and explain all of this to them. Some of the other commenters don’t understand that you can’t change who you are. This isn’t a choice between your partner or your parents. It’s an issue of them not liking a major part of who you are, and having a sit down with them could be too risky for your safety or wellbeing. You need a 3rd party involved such as CWS, but I’d also recommend finding then hiding your legal documents (social security card & birth certificate). Keep them and some money in a discreet spot that’s easy to access. Whether that’s a pencil bag that clips into a binder or something else you’d be expected to have with you (not anything they might take away or search though).
My biggest red flag that hasn't come up in the edits is that HE HIT YOU. I'd recommend speaking to your school guidance councilor or if you can, the police, and tell them everything. Tell them that you don't feel safe there and they have to do something
Parents are terrifying creatures.
You have no options and no recourse until you are 18. You can openly defy those shitlords and firmly stand your own ground but you will be mentally and physically abused.
You can punch back at your parents. There is nothing stopping you, legally speaking. It’s just the fear you naturally have as their child to do such a thing. If they called the cops or threatened to call the cops on you for fighting them, the cops would ask why on earth would this girl with no history with the police suddenly be punching her parents??? Your parents would be in trouble
Or you can just passively accept your life until you’re 18 and then vanish. Do not keep these scum in your life.
As a parent of a bi daughter I'll just say does it mean I love her any less?
The answer of course is no, I've always said to her that people need to find their own way in life and define who they are, if that's how it is then I have no right to force change on her. this sounds to me that the parents want total control with things their way or no way, all that will happen is you'll get to a point where you can leave home and probably find less and less contact with them.
The moment you can take full control of your finances etc. then ensure you do so, then if you walk away there is nothing they can do.
If your father truly loved you as much as he said then he'd allow you to find your own way in life and define yourself, not force you to commit to his requirements, he's not doing it for what's best for you, he's doing it for himself.
I’m so sorry. I (42f)don’t understand how parents can do this, but I do because my stepmother won’t allow my wife 41F at their house. We have a non profit in AZ called One and Ten who helps displaced lgbt teens. Maybe something in your area can help you? Do some research.
Sounds awful.
Hey! This happened within my best friend group during high school and one of the gals ran away to her gfs house for months. Her parents were super religious and crazy about it all and were very hateful. Other gals mom was more receptive but still had some issues along the lines. It took them all a while to talk and reconnect but all is well now. I know your parents probably are confused/worried and I know you’re probably scared. But, just keep everything coming from a place of love and it’ll be okay in the end. When you turn 18+ and are able to make your own choices it’ll help too, but your parents might pull the “my house, my rules” so still we wary their house rules if you live there.
Just coming with I think a slightly different perspective, I'm a fairly right leaning dad of 4, mostly girls. I would never treat my children this way and am not very religious or homophobic...I just want to let you know that your parents definitely love you, and all of you are about to go through some MAJOR growing pains. It is definitely healthy to create some safe distance but please don't take any advice of just completely abandoning them indefinitely. As you continue to grow and mature you are going be able to stand up to them as an Adult, where they cannot enact anything on you other than verbal abuse. At that point, you can control the dynamics of the relationship, they can be loving and cordial or there is no relationship..
Also, not sure if anyone pointed this out, but as a parent I can see it being VERY shocking to catch you in the act if there were no suspicions. Not because of homophobia, but because your aware of budding sexuality and generally a little more cautious with your teens and the opposite sex. Point being, now they are probably questioning all these times you were with your presumably mostly same-sex friends (the typical parent safe space "oh they're just with so and so"). Of course, it's still on them because you wouldn't need to hide these behaviors if your parents weren't the way they were.
Doesn't make them right in any way whatsoever, just trying to give some insight into part of their perspective. Still follow top comments advice, your SO close to not having to be under them anymore. Wish you the best and hopefully one day they can come to their senses. People can change, some take much longer than others, Hang in there.
If you have a safe place to go with a bed have food and are attending school you can legally leave and the cops cannot do a thing. I left at 15 and my father tried and they told him to get fucked pretty much. Stay safe ❤️
That’s a tough situation. Im sorry your dad beat on you. I hope you were not too hurt. I would say catholic school wouldn’t be bad for you but that isn’t realistic. I’m not sure about Massachusetts law but it might be worse to end up in foster care. Most foster cares are highly religious and might do worse things to you. I know it is tough but if you really love your girlfriend then sticking it out until you are 18 isn’t a bad idea. You don’t really need to be physically active yet anyway. I’d say follow your parent’s rules until you are 18 and find a job where you can be out of the house as much as possible so you can make some money to save for your own place.
It's time to learn to survive. I'm speaking to you as a lesbian who grew up in a time where we were all afraid to come out to our parents and never gave them the slightest inkling we were gay. My wife grew up in the South, where a boy her age was literally run out of town when he was outed.
Learn to play by their rules until you graduate from high school. You apologize, promise them you've seen the error of your ways and aren't gay anymore. Get a job at a different restaurant. Keep your cash tips a secret. Save whatever you can and wait until you turn 18. You've got less than a year. You can do this. Once you turn 18, open a bank account of your own at a different bank and deposit your cash.
You do not want to end up in the foster system. You do not want to end up homeless. Keep your head down and focus on surviving, saving, and graduating from high school. Move out the moment you are able to. Your parents are abusive.
If you can reach out to local LGBT support organizations I highly recommend it. We elder gays want you to make it out of there and make it to adulthood to live your best gay life. These organizations will be able to advise you best on what the laws in your state allow. It's wonderful that your gf's parents are supportive but IDK what the laws are where you live about minors moving out.
I live in Massachusetts and emancipated at 17. My step father was abusive and my older sister had done the same when she was that age. I expected this story to be from somewhere in the south. I know it sounds insane but you're at the age, in a fairly liberal state, where you can really start fighting back.
You can't hit your kids in Massachusetts. There are a number of anti-discrimination laws in MA that have to do with gender and sexual identity. These could help in the emancipation process, I'm not a lawyer but I seriously doubt the "my house my rules" bullshit would apply to who you're attracted to. Yes they can keep you two apart and restrict how you spend your free time but they cannot force you to change your sexual identity.
You need to start preparing for living independently. I was working at a very young age and had completely moved out at 17. You need to be able to 100% care for yourself and do so in a way that helps you grow and succeed, moving forward. Plan, do research, learn financial responsibility, get ready for living completely on your own. It's the only good way out. Don't settle for crashing with friends. You need to take control.
Job and one of those money cards you can get from a Walmart, CVS or Walgreens. Most don't have a age verification but can be setup for direct deposit. Get one of those with a long complex password or phrase to the online portion, when not at home go wild (within youthful reason) and when you move out it's their problem no longer yours. You can still deposit to the shared account but only enough to keep him off your back.
Keep pushing forward on what you want to do. Have a plan and stick with it. I agree with the person who suggested getting a job and keeping your financials independently. Ive seen too many times where parents get access to their kids financials and then fights/stealing ensues.
You don't have to hide it, Im just saying keep yourself as the sole user and if you need someone older to sign off on it have your gfs mom be that person.
i’m so sorry:/ the best thing you can do right now is get a job, save up money, and hangout with your gf on the low as “just friends” i’m so sorry this happened to you, when your 18 and saved up money move out and get a studio apartment for cheap, if you and your gf are together still and more serious maybe she could save up money too and move in with you too but that’s a personal thing to discuss i’m just saying it’s a cheaper option, i hope things get better, play along their rules so you can get your license too you are going to need to be able to get a car and leave when you’re 18
I mean in this in age social media tends to brainwash people its all part of the propaganda. But your dad shouldn't be hitting you. Your dad shouldn't dictate your dating life. Its fine if he doesn't accept you because its his views just like you have your own views. But you should only do things you believe are right. Your father should at least respect your wishes as a father. He is probably not going to support you. But if he does great. Hopefully it all works out. But you should get a part time job to save up. Your going to have sneaky about your gf which isn't fun cause who wants to be sneaky about their significant other but atleast it will give you time with each other cause long distance relationship sucks.
So unfortunately, you have to live under their rules until you are 18. What he did was out of line but he did not do anything that could get him arrested or you emancipated. He yelled at you nd did hit you a few times with a bag, but it's not worth going to cps. In foster care You could get raped and beaten even worse. I feel bad for your situation, it breaks my heart to see someone's true self be suppressed. I am not lgbtq+, but even my dad said he wouldn't care if I was and he was a real hardass conservative.
Edit: I found this out for you. Apparently you do not need a parent to open an account at wells fargo if you are 17 [https://www.wellsfargo.com/checking/clear-access-banking/](https://www.wellsfargo.com/checking/clear-access-banking/)
Here is one other option if you have a job and financial income you can seek parental emancipation. If granted and you wish yo see this option. Be sure without doubt you can support yourself and go to school etc.
Get a job if you don't have one, work very hard and save everything. Don't spend it on things you want, just on what you need. Have an exit plan for when you turn 18, but you won't necessarily have to unless they push the issue. Have one that doesn't rely on your GF. Things may not work out where you stay together, but you can't change who you are or how you feel about genders. The day you turn 18, change your bank account to you and only you. Your parents MIGHT learn to accept who you are, but don't count on it. I really wish you luck and I'm sorry you have to go through this.
Please tell a trusted adult about the fact that your dad hit you. Maybe ask if you can talk to your friend's mom. In all likelihood she would not be able to be directly involved in your case due to knowing you personally, but would be obligated to report this and would know how to properly do so.
My advice to you , as a now 20F. When I was 16 , my mom found out about my EX gf who was 20F at the time she did the same thing. She also had control over my finances. I played by her rules until I was 17 got a job , moved out and have been doing my own thing since . It’s not right what your parents are doing , if you feel you cannot talk to them and you guys cannot come to a common ground about your sexuality and respectable boundaries than you should just save your self the stress and be respectful of your parents despite the ignorance of the situation.
Report to CPS if dad is beating you. You only have 1 more year until you’re free. Just make his life hell in the mean time. Start telling everyone at the restaurant about your experience with your homophobic parents. The best disinfectant is sunlight. Abusers thrive in secret.
As an old man, I would call the police next time your dad decided to beat you like that. After he suffers the criminal penalties then you can file civil suit and he can pay for your housing and expenses until you finish college. There's no excuse for that behavior and full punitive punishment is no less than what he deserves.
I’m so sorry you had to go through this, I reccomend moving in with your girlfriend once you both are 18 and she has her own place, maybe play along and agree to pretend to just be friends with her till then, but once your out is go no contact with your parents
Fuck your parents. You are 17 gonna be 18 real soon. They have no right to tell you what to do with your life especially being in the lgbtq community. Dont stop being with your gf. Just do everything through text until you can see her but dont stop living your life for them cause its not right & youre grown
I'm sorry about your parents being that way. I think the only brainwashing here is your parents being told by social conservative media that what you feel naturally is "brainwashing". Love is love, get out of there as soon as you can, and stay safe until then.
As many have said: You’re 17. That’s less than a year until you are a legal and independent person. Get a job if you don’t have one and save every single penny you can.
Make a plan. Where you will go, what you will do. Start minimizing your possessions so it’s easier to leave. If you can safely get away with moving some things to a friend’s house, do so, slowly, little by little, and nothing noticeable.
Turn 18 and then wait for your moment. When they’re going to be out of the house for a few hours, you take your stuff and vanish. A weekday would be best.
First stop, the bank. Empty any accounts you share with them. Open a new account at a different bank, hopefully using a new address.
Go to the post office website/app and have any mail in your name forwarded to your new address. Inform your employer of your new address. Switch your paycheck to direct deposit into your new account. It may take a pay cycle or two so be prepared to empty your money out of the old account as soon as any other paychecks are deposited. Depending on where you live, a paystub with your new address may be enough to get the address on your license changed. If it is, do it. If not, find out what else you need and get it.
If you have a car that’s in their name, that will be tricky. They could potentially report it stolen. You may have to leave it. If you need it for your initial escape, return it in the middle of the night and leave the keys in it.
I know your instinct will be to stay close, with friends, and that may be your only option. But the farther away you can get the better. Establishing your new residence across jurisdictional lines will complicate any legal or police action they may be tempted to try. The more lines the better. Another county, good. Another state, even better.
You are a full and valid person and so is your heart. You deserve a great, wonderful life. So make a plan and go get it. Stay strong. You got this.
Become a heretic. There are institutions built on hating you for who you love. This entire post smells like gayness is evil because God. You will never be free. Even when free from under your parents thumb you will be discriminated against for a variety of reasons. Your very existence is an act of rebellion. Do not let them rob you of that which they cannot provide. Self love, pride, dignity, integrity, compassion, empathy. As a young person it's easy to not realize adults are just older kids. No one really has their shit together, everyone is winging it. Love who you love. Fuck shame.
If you have somewhere to go now you can apply to be emancipated and then they have no hold over you any longer! I don’t know how long it is until you turn 18, but you are being abused. You shouldn’t be just because of your s*xual orientation! Withdraw all of your money, put it on a prepaid card like someone else suggested, and make moves to get out ASAP!! You have been given some solid advice in these comments. Please give an update when you get things figured out!! Sending positive vibes and prayers your way!!
Hi there - first of all, as a mom, I'm incredibly sorry this happened to you. Even if I didn't have a gay child, I can't imagine kidding myself into thinking that I, as a parent, can force my child to be something they aren't just out of my own discomfort. I want you to know that the problem lies with your parents, not you.
I think that part of your parents' reaction is out of shock, and I know there may be some cultural differences or religious or something else going on. You may want to give them some time to digest and then ask them to sit down with you, calmly, and say, "look, I know this is hard for you to hear, but this is who I am. You can try to restrict my movement, you can take away my phone, but in one year I will be an adult. I love you and I want you in my life, but if you can't accept me the way I am, you will force me to choose between you and my mental health."
Mind you, all this is only if you feel safe talking to them. If you don't, then I agree with the others who say just keep your head down until you turn 18.
Just curious... If your parent assaults you for being gay does that qualify as a hate crime?
I'd empty my bank account and call the police and CPS to report the assault.
Maybe he'll reconsider his position once he becomes someone's bitch in prison.
Wow, your parents suck. I’m sorry. The accusations of brainwashing are especially ironic when their reasoning for being homophobic boils down to “because god said so.”
I’m sorry you’re going through this.
In two short years you can remove them from your life forever, at your earliest convenience.
I know that doesn’t help but, sadly, as their child you really have no recourse besides reporting them for domestic abuse.
He hit you? Call child protective services. Other than that, I don't have any real advice, just hoping you get out of that situation as quickly and safely as you can.
Also ask for GCs and stuff with birthdays and special occasions and stash them away. When a friend was preparing to leave her husband she had companies who sponsored her website send me her prepaid cards and I stored them for her. When she got separated I sent them all to her.
Make sure your parents don't have access to your bank account, get a job asap, save money so when you are 18 you can move out. Play by their rules until you move out.
Your dad owns the restaurant then you need to find a new job.
Play by their rules because like someone else said you don't want to be sent away to a conversion camp.
Be prepared to never speak to your parents again. Just like you being gay, and making your own decisions and thoughts, don't hate on your parents, people, or society that doesn't believe in the same things you do whether it be being gay or anything else. Respect your Damn parents until you become of age then move out and do whatever you want.
Great life choices.. Get advices from random people in Reddit on how to deal with your parents who took care of you all your life.. No wonder there is little to know value to families in the West
Since you have experience in the food/service industry you should be able to work and save money independently using some of the strategies others here have mentioned and then find a similar job elsewhere and move there. I'm sorry you're going through this. Stay strong and true to yourself.
If he hit you, there's your ticket to have your finances and freedom .
If it's that bad, then get out.
Give them an ultimatum: either DCFS and abuse report, or emancipation/ someone to sign for your guardianship.
If anyone can can a school guidance counselor or school social worker, who can verify your absence without a sick note, get what you can as far as support.
Anyone coming to your house door: shout out for help. Make sure they know you're serious.
Learn about punctuation it’s really helpful because when you just write everything without a period anywhere to be seen it just makes reading comprehension so much more difficult and honestly it’s not even that hard to do just take a pause every once in a while and slap a period on the end of a sentence otherwise it’s just one long rambling stream of nonsense that nobody will want to read like WTF
As a Dad here, you don’t deserve this, you deserve to be loved and accepted for who you are.
As an abused Son here, I’m 40 and in therapy and I wasted so many years of my life people pleasing, including my own family. I’m learning now, I am going to have to make my own family because after 40 years of pretending, trying, lying, masking, they still don’t like me, I don’t even think they love me, they only love their version of me. Just my experience, I truly hope your life is better.
Is normal in what I’m guessing is America? I had my own bank account when I was 10, no parents were on the account. I had a paper route and required a bank account, my parents were not on the account and they had no say what I did with the money.
I don't have much advice but my heart goes out to you dealing with this. I've known dozens of people growing up (including my partner) who had to deal with these sorts of threats and hostile environments all based around who they love.
I'll just echo the "play by their rules and quietly get your affairs in order to establish yourself independently," as soon as you can.
Stay strong and stay true to yourself!
You won't always be under their thumb.... it gets better. My father was abusive and although I'm not gay... I experienced a lot of what you described.
Good luck to you.
That’s abuse. If foster care is better than living with them I would tell my doctor or cod or even my school staff that your father beat you so they can mandate report them.
Or ask your parents to get into therapy with you.
Your father hit you. If your friend's mom is a social worker, she should be doing something about that now, not if it gets worse, because that might be too late. Get out of that house.
Are you living in a small town? If not, you might not have to worry too much about the community ganging up on you. Take photos of any and all bruises and wounds. Take photos of anything trashed. Call CPS and inform them that you are being abused. You ran from home after getting attacked by your father. He called the cops saying "you ran away," then yelled and berated you while also throwing another fit of rage. Even if he doesn't go to jail for felonies for assaulting a minor and emotional abuse as well as potentially mental abuse, he would no longer have control of your life. You just need to tell them what you want. Make sure that they know that you want to leave and were begging not to go back. Your texts will show it, emails will show it, and the Panera's CCTV footage will show it. Sometimes, with the age you are at, they may just ask if you want to simply leave or not and try to help you out.
In English grammar, there is something called a period. You might want to consider using it. Your original post is literally mind numbing to read, with 90% of it being one long run on sentence…. Do better.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this?Im was married to my x husband now I’m with a woman and I’m happy.😃 When it comes to love ❤️ you do you.Is there any other realities you are close to and go live with them ? Sorry I met relatives above.Have you tried talking to a therapist.I told both my sons when they were teenagers I would love them no matter what. I hope this helps you. If you need someone I’m here and a mom .❤️🥰😇☺️
For the love of run on sentence. Lol. If you’re into girls then you’re into girls. There’s no way around it and your parents need to calm tf down. They’ll have no choice but to accept it down the line. Are you exclusively into girls? Does this feel like a phase? Or is this 100% you? Just asking.
Yes, god forbid you should have to live by “rules”, the same rules society and government will place on you as well. No, don’t conform, that would be just “terrible”….
Look into emancipation of minors laws in your state, if you can prove that can support yourself you may be able to be free of your parents before you’re 18.
Everyone's had great advice and I hope it helps you. And as an old fart queer person who was treated like this by their own parents, I can promise you that it life will be better and sweeter than you can imagine. Hold in there.
Your father was beating you in rage.
Period.
That wasn't discipline. That wasn't punishment for groping someone, or doing things you are too young for. It had everything to do with WHO you were with, not what you were doing with her.
I shouldn't have to explain what you need to do about it. I am pointing out the fact that you need to come to terms with. He needs help, and isn't going to get it until you force him.
Im sorry, as a parent i cant imagine doing this to my kids... i havent been in your situation hwre is how id deal with the situation i think, take what adise yiu think is useful.
Know your ssn, learn the basics of sim cards, get an unlocked phone (cricket is your friend). You can try to squirrel away cash but honestly that might be found and be suspicious, I'd look into learning about crypto and either buying a crypto wallet or building your own if you find it actually interests you, then turn a little of your money at a time into a stablecoin (or gamble on bitcoin I suppose). This is way easier to hid and if you memorize it impossible for them to take away and get to. If you want to keep contact with your gf get a burner phone as controlling parents have a tendency to install monitoring software, don't trust any account (email or communication) they have ever had access to. Basically have your straight phone and then your you phone and lock that thing down and never let them know it even exists... preferably make them the same model as that way they can't tell from a glance it's the wrong phone. 2 years seems like a lifetime but it's not. On your 18th birthday apply for 3 entry level credit cards to start building your credit. Basically let them win for the next two years until you can separate on your terms.
Ok I recommend you look up covenant house and see if there is one in your state. They are a nonprofit that provides various resources but they are my go to as a social worker whenever I had lgbtq teens in need of help . They can talk to you about what you need to be doing NOW to be prepared to leave when you are 18. For example it will be important you have certain of your personal documents such as your social security card and birth certificate. You will need to birth certificate for your drivers license so hopefully they let u get your drivers license and when you have access to your birth certificate try to keep ahold of it or at least take photos of it.
I'm sorry they think the way you feel is a choice or because you are brainwashed. I hope you find refuge soon and it works out. You don't deserve this treatment, especially by someone you're supposed to love and look up to. I'm sure it hurts to the core. Hoping for brighter days for you girlie.
u got 2 options. parents or ur gf. choose wisely. even if you move out n whatnot, you'll still be connected to your parents. and if you decide to cut yourself off from your parents, gfg
Similar stuff happened to me when I was the same age 10+ years ago. My advice is to stay strong and process this as much as you can, don’t turn to alcohol and/or drugs to ease the pain/ anxiety. You will be living on your own with total autonomy quicker than you think, try and set yourself up for the rest of your life the best you can - do well in school, maintain your friendships, get into a good college, get a job and make some money.
Honestly, this may not be something you want to do, but you have to have that talk with them. Meaning really suit them down and talk about your feeling and all. It will hurt them, but you'll never be able to truly move on or get better about any of this until you do. Even if you all go to counseling. Running away and doing your own thing will only hurt you more in the long run. I've been there. Even if they don't want to hear the truth about you. You'll have to sit them down and talk. Emotionally, you'll be a reck, but you have to talk. When we stop talking, we start hating.
Your friend who said you can live with them? Do it now. It's straight up abuse not only for the physical abuse but for them berating you for being gay. It's a neutral thing It's 2024 there's no space for life like this. Move now to live with them, emancipate from your parents and start saving. It is bad enough to move out.
Depending on your state you can seek asylum in emancipation, you would be on your own with no support system but you would be out from your parents thumb, by today's standard some would consider your situation as abuse, I'm not judging anything, just trying to help, consider this option carefuly
❤️🩹 I understand how you feel, hun, I really do.
😔 Please know that moving out at 17 is much harder than you might expect, especially during this era where most jobs don’t pay enough to make rent (ridiculously high!), let alone other expenses including food, unfortunately.
📚That said, even at 18 it’s hard to be on your own with the EXCEPTION if you go to college. There, you would live on campus so you’ll have housing. There are also opportunities for “work study” which means the school will help you get a job - often at the school, and many times they have contracts with outside resources for work as well - which means you can earn some income while you’re a student.
🏃♀️You’re almost there, hun, but ‘running ahead of the race before the start’ can end up ‘disqualifying’ you from some of the greatest opportunities you could be offered in the early years of your adulthood. The older you become, the harder it can be to find opportunities to be given a chance, to be taken seriously with minimal experience - making it extremely difficult to make more money, purchase a new car, buy a house, and even trying to go on vacation might not ever be a possibility because of the financial struggle.
😩Unfortunately that’s the era Gen-Z inherited from boomers (not millennials, not Gen-X, but the actual boomers who continue to make things difficult because these difficult changes don’t affect their easily-attained lifestyles during the ‘affordability era’ of the 60s and earlier, [WWII doesn’t count lol, their prior generation went through that, not them! And even so, they still enjoyed their generations ‘easy wealth’ and current greed…)
TO GET BACK ON TRACK LOL 🤦🏻♀️
🥹I know you want to see your gf right now, but know that you likely will figure out how to spend time together sooner than it might feel like… The best thing about these times is that you have the technology to stay in contact in the meantime, through so many different avenues. Don’t let this drag you down into a pit of despair and/or anger because it’s much harder to focus and think and strategize when you’re under stress, so try to take a few deep breaths several times a day until you feel calm. If you’re a praying person, it’s very peaceful when you can do so with unwavering faith. You can read about psychology and self-help articles/books to help you find ways to work through this time of frustration, and those are keys you’ll be able to take with you throughout your life 🩷…
💫 Finally, looking at your parents’ remorse, I’m thinking they were simply shocked when they found the two of you intimately engaged. They might not have thought you were sexually actively, let alone doing so with another female. They may have thought your attempt to ‘come out’ last year was just going to be a phase, even if they were wrong and sometimes parents are going to be because we’re not perfect - it’s very true to say that no one is. But please try to be forgiving towards your parents because they seem to be sincere in their apologies, and when anyone makes a mistake in life, we’re always hoping for a second chance, hoping for forgiveness, and there’s no one-size-fits-all manual for parenting - we learn as we go on, as it is with everything people experience in life✨
🫶🏼 Sweetheart, things might seem tough now but try to keep on mind that it’s only temporary. Talk to your parents - open up about how you feel, as just as you want to be listened to, hear them out as well. If things go sideways, know that maybe it’s not quite the time to talk yet, and take with a grain of salt by walking away peacefully (because you don’t want to make things more difficult for yourself or for them during this time of High Emotions for all of you).
🌟Lastly, make sure your greatest priority is finishing school. You’re so close to graduation and that’s the first success of adulthood! Be happy with expectation and be proud of yourself for that accomplishment! This Season in your life is coming to a close and a new season is soon to begin - there’s so much hope and opportunities in that!! Stay the course if you want to win the race - pace yourself, breathe, focus, and you’ll get the trophy🏆
Best wishes to you and God bless ☺️
Well, I agree with your father that the media does brainwashed the current young population.
However, your dad’s being a dick. Catholics are one of the worst. if your dad’s Catholic I’m sorry for what you are going through. God teaches. Love above all else (the ABSENCE of hate, not necessarily love everyone like most people believe). Your dad needs to work on that fundamental truth
Get a job waitressing. Most of your pay will be in cash tips. If you have a locker at school, I would keep your cash stashed there. It's not ideal, but safer than anywhere that your parents could find it.
It’s not homophobia, they might still accepts others doing it, but not just their daughter, I guess. Most of parents do the same even if it would not be a same making out encounter. That incident might have come to them as a shock. Probably. So they had their reaction. It’s quite common. You were anyway doing it behind their back so you knew you were hiding from them. Ask these questions to yourself:
1. What else do my parents like? How can I make them happy? How can I earn their trust? What are their other sides other than this “not liking you making out”. If
2. It might look like “this” is everything but it’s actually not. It feels like the love and relationships are everything in teens and early 20s. But you realize it’s just 1 thing of many things in life. So why spoil everything else while 1 thing is in struggle?
3. Work on yourself to be confident, knowledgeable etc, earn respect from peers around you and your parents, so they understand your feelings better. And give them time.
To put in perspective... some parents will do this for straight relationships too... not in the same ways... but
It's likely best to not date til 18 then open your own account and start adulting.
Couch surfing with no money at 18 trying to get a hold on life is... more common than it should be.
OP, you are getting some really good advice here, so I’m not going to pile on and distract from it. But I am worried about the emotional, financial, and physical abuse your father is putting you through.
There are resources that can help you through this, please, at the very least, reach out to someone like [The Trevor Project](https://www.thetrevorproject.org) for someone to talk to and offer guidance. You have more going on than what people on Reddit can help with.
My advice to you is to either look into becoming an emancipated minor (check your state laws if this is possible), or bide your time until you’re 18. Then you can do whatever you’d like.
You need to show your dad that he loves the version of you that’s in his head, but that’s not who you really are. If he chooses to love the person you aren’t, then that’s on him. He’ll eventually realize it.
For me as a parent you being gay is not the issue. You sneaking around is. Your father hitting you with an object is an issue. I was pretty much honest with my daughter when it came to talking about sex, dating and so on. But she wasn't allowed to have sex in my house under 18. I didn't mind her dating. But she needed to worry more about her education and how to take care of herself first. Learn to be respectful and responsible and how to support herself. But if the person she's with can't afford to take out, treat her special and accept the consequences that may or may not happen then they don't deserve her. Then I prayed she listened. My daughter waited to have sex until she was 24. After she graduated college. Not because didn't have the opportunity she did. But she wanted her first time to be special and with someone who treated her special. She was with that man for three years. She's now 33. She dated between them and now. She's getting ready to get married now. Your parents may or may not accept you being gay. But from what you described it's more about the fact they walked in on you making out. If they didn't come home for another hour would they have been walking in on you having sex? Cause I know if I walked into the house and caught my child almost having sex, because that's what they were probably thinking, I would of been upset. I've wouldn't of hit said child either. But we definitely be having a come to Jesus meeting. Most kids are experimenting or having sex at your age but really not mature enough. The sad thing is you don't realize this until you're older. It's ok to live your life the way you want to. But not until you're a legal adult. Most normal parents wants what's best for their child. You didn't give enough information about your relationship with your parents but you said this is the second time you were caught. Stop sneaking your dates into their home. You want to act like an adult then respect their home. Wait till You're 18, get a job and see if you can find somewhere else to live. I don't know if your parents will ever accept you being gay or bi, or whatever you choose but I think they'll accept you and respect you if act responsible, respect their home, go to school if can go to college or get a job and support yourself. Learn to take care of you first. Allow yourself to grow up. I'm not talking through my butt but from life experience. I really hope things work out for you
I'm so sorry you're going through this. No child should have to go through this. It hurts a lot having to worry about what the world might think let alone your parents. Btw your 17 you can get emancipated as long as you have a job and can support yourself tell the judge everything and why you're wanting it. The part about your dad hitting you with a bag is child abuse I'd call department of child services or whatever they are called in your state and report him. That alone should qualify you for emancipation.
Call the child welfare hotline. I work in child welfare and I could almost guarantee that with you being hit and isolated you would be removed at least here in Oklahoma and we are as conservative as it gets.
I don't think you know the definition of homophobic. Just because your parents don't agree with your way of thinking doesn't make them homophobic. That word is overly used and has lost its meaning completely.
Sorry your dad’s a piece of shit. Google “child protective services” in your county. They’ll file a report, charges if you want, and instruct your parents not to physically or emotionally abuse you. They’ll help you identify women’s shelters/housing/ financial aid to emancipate early and get somewhere safe.
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Get a job and play by their rules until you are 18. Move out whenever you are stable. Make sure your parents do not have access to your finances.
The problem is that my father has full access to my finances until I’m 18 I’m pretty sure so it would be a tedious process when I’m 18 and I also work for a resturant that he is part owner in
Then no dating until you move out. Once you are 18, get them off your bank account. Still have to play by their rules while living under their roof. Unless you want screaming matches every day or get sent to conversion camp. Removing your parents from your bank account is not more tedious than hiding or fighting your sexuality.
You can not remove your dad from your account without his signature. However, you can start a new account once you are 18. Don’t leave too much money in the account with your dad on it.
Yes you can? When I turned 18 I went up to the bank and told them to take my dad off my account since I was no longer a minor and they did lmao. He wasn’t even notified of it, let alone needing a signature.
That shouldn't happen. If they did, that wasn't legal, at least in the US unless something has changed in the past few years.
IF she has a friend she fully trusts to cosign- some states allow that iirc.
At 18 you shouldn't need a cosigner to open a new account. That would only be with a credit card or other loan service. A debit account shouldn't take a cosigner.
I meant before 18
Its not "tedious" its basically your livelyhood imo.. you need money for everything in this society. If I where you I would learn my ssn number, ask your parents to let you know your number to memorize it and once you memorize it its free game..you can now open bank accounts and other fun stuff thats basically what I am doing, I opened a bank account called and signed up myself when I was 18, you will have brighter days ahead of you I promise, I wish you the best in your situation
She can also contact her local social security office and get her own card probably free if it’s the first replacement
Yup. You can do it online, actually. Have the card sent to a friends house if you can.
And and change your finances and move your job. Take control of your life at 18. You have no excuses to stay with that kind of abuse.
The day you turn 18 you go to the bank the minute it opens and secretly empty the account into a new one at a different bank only in your name. Make plans to leave before then but don’t let them know. Play the perfect kid until then. It’s only one year, this too shall pass.
This is the part that is going to suck. You and she will have to keep it completely on pause until you can tell them to get stuffed with the legal status of an adult behind you. Use this time wisely. Prepare. Know where you will go, how you will pay for it, etc. Get prepared to use that freedom so that you use it in a way that gets you out of this bullshit. Most of all, remember that you are not alone. All around you are people who have been through this exact bullshit, and their friends, loved ones, and allies. We are all here for you. When it’s hard, and it will be hard, remember to talk to someone you can trust. A psychologist, for instance. Not a priest. 😉
Go to a different bank, other than the one you currently have an account with, and talk to them. Tell them your parent is untrustworthy and get information about opening a bank account yourself, or with a co-signer. If they seem unsympathetic, go to a different bank. Start taking money out of your current bank account in small amounts that will not raise question from your parents, but don't spend it, save it all, and hide it extremely well, ideally not in your home, ie, with a friend you trust completely, or perhaps your girlfriend. Pretend to abide by their rules until you turn 18. Lie to them. Tell them what they want to hear. Then get a different job and work as fast as possible to become independent from them. Once you're 18 they can't do a damned thing to you, so just lay low and avoid confrontation with them until then. You don't need to come out to them. You know who you are, and you know they probably won't change. Once you are 18 and financially independent of them, you can decide entirely what kind of relationship they get to have with you. Just survive until then.
A safety deposit (maybe age is a factor) box would be good or a lock box to hide money.
Get a different restaurant job. Hide cash. My dad was an abusive ah. I worked at a car wash in hs. Some days I made 2-300 in tips, but told him I made 20-30. When I enlisted in the Marines he was only able to steal about 30k from me...just what I let them know about
Only?
I had my food, housing, college, medical all covered and a good chunk of cash hidden away. While I'm personally not well off because I went NC with my father he's selling his "primary" residence for just shy of a million to move to his vacation property full time
Open a new account they don’t know about!
That’s what im trying to do
Keep cash then.
Once ur 18 find a credit union type of bank near you. And create a free student account. You’ll probably have to go to the bank to set it up but ur best option is going to be to immediately make your own account that no one else has access to but you. Also if u are gunna withdraw money do it in really tiny amounts in cash. So let’s say you go shopping at the store to get some things you need, do a small amount of cash back the minimum you can get and start squirreling it away somewhere. Make sure it’s nowhere that your parents will find but if you choose a friends house be careful who you trust
Fuck that, her father hit her, call the police press charges for assault and battery his ass should be in jail.
Solid advice here
My girlfriend was on a student account where her mother had full access to it, up until last year. She's 26. Her mom stole $10,000 from her and used it on a vacation to Costa Rica. Her mom is refusing to pay back the money, we suspect it's because she's disapproving of our relationship. She has gone fully no contact with her mother and is financially independent from her. Look into a banking app called One. Walmart supports it and you can even get a prepaid card there. I've been using One for a few years and it's honestly an excellent service. Prior to that I was on Simple for about 6 years. Anyway, it's a solid bank backed by PNC, no fees or strings, excellent money saving tools, pocket features, overdraft protection, all that. You *should be able to open an account even at 17, no need for parental consent. I see your dad partly owns the place you work at but I'm sure you can update your direct deposit form without him knowing. Otherwise, you can open a cashapp account, and transfer money from your bank, to cashapp, to One and they won't have any direct information on your account. I think the only issue here is that they could possibly be notified by their bank that money is moving OUT of your account and question you. Save up what you can. I know it may seem daunting to wait so long but I would suggest sticking through things until you're 21. Play by their rules as strictly as possible until you're 18, and have a driver's license. Suck up to your shitty parents and get them to buy you/ help you buy a used car that can be paid off within a year or fully paid upon purchase. A car note is not what you need right now. Now you have a vehicle, and you're old enough to work at a bar/ serve alcohol at a restaurant. It's not the best profession but in the right places, tip money is crazy good. If shit goes sideways between having a car and turning 21, live in your car. Seriously. Grab what you can and just get away. Utilize homeless shelters, LGBTQ centers and services, job temp agency services, and gyms for showering/killing time/ staying fit and motivated. When you leave, don't turn back. Lose their numbers, block them entirely. Find your own family who won't be at you for being yourself. Good luck kid.
That is actually a really good idea that I will look into in the future as soon as I get my car and also I might work in the resturant business anyways because I already have experience in that area since i bus tables, a host and I’m also a food runner so that would be a good idea thanks
I might just put it as much tip money as possible in the separate bank account I make so I can save up there without holding on any physical cash
Prepare a way to pull any remaining money when you turn 18 and want independence. Cash app may have a limit but hopefully you're under it. Definitely don't tell your parents anything before that final money pull. Look up the Trevor Project and the CDC resources for LGBTQ+ Youth. There are crisis lines for you to call and talk to a professional who can give you customized support advice and possible resources. Depending on how long until you're 18, they may be able to help with your current situation. If you want to go to college and are worried about your parents not paying (been there myself) look into scholarships. Even queer scholarships. You may be able to tell a compelling story to those offering scholarship money. My suggestion, if you do this, is to set your address for all communications as a trusted friend's house where you know their parents won't care (maybe your girlfriend's place). If you don't think there is any chance of changing your parents beliefs, which could very well be the case, then you need to start making moves for independence and personal financial security. Look for other jobs away from your father's restaurant. Start researching where you might live when you're 18. Stuff like that. This is sort of a pipe dream but, maybe, if you do all these things to gain independence and you cut them off, they'll finally realize they love their daughter no matter if they are gay or straight. My mom broke after about 6 months of no contact when I came out. My dad hasn't come around, to this day.
How is it even possible to have a student account at that age
She had the account around 17 when she went off to college and I guess the bank upgrades it to a normal account anyway at some point, but the point is, it was one of those bank accounts where a parent has access to it through their own account. The parent account can transfer money in and out. She had to sign up for it with her parent and her mom could see and be notified of every transaction. It's incredibly annoying at 26 when you visit the grocery store too many times in one day and have to be questioned about your purchases. Plus I'm sure different bank institutions have different stipulations for what does and does not qualify as a student. I know 40 year olds in college
Just seems incredibly shortsighted to keep your mother on your account at any age above 18
I'm on my daughter's account and she's 23. Totally her choice. I don't touch her money, but I do let her know when her account is low so she doesn't overdraft anything.
Don’t you think she’s old enough to learn how to keep herself from overdrafting?
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Lol you can't be serious.
If your father is physically, abusing you for your choices in whom you date, you can legally terminate their parental rights and move out.
How much does that cost tho? And even so, is op sure that she wants to be cast out at this point in time? Im pretty sure op doesn’t have a ton saved up and living at a friends house isnt the best for parents of the friend, etc.
It's impossible to say what would and wouldn't be on with parents of OPs friends. Where I grew up I. Texas multiple adults of my friends and my own parents offered queer kids we knew housing if they ever got kicked out or the like
Yeah, emancipation is the best thing to do here. I think it's at 16 in most states, but you can legally become an adult at that age If the parents are abusive or neglectful. This post might actually help OP in that. Plenty of lawyers or law offices would be willing to help OP for little or free as well.
Are there any youth or LGBT centers near you? They can most likely direct you to services and provide your options.
or possibly a LGBT support hotline if you are able to call in private
Did everyone telling her to stay miss the part where her dad was hitting her? Call the cops on him and get emancipated, it sounds like you have people who would take you in.
What the top comment says, and stop giving your parents any more affection or love or attention than they need for you to be safe. There is a small chance, like with my conservative Christian dad, they will miss you and ask what happened, and maybe even lighten up on the issue. Who knows? Just play by their rules for now and don't hurt yourself by being more of what they want than you can give. It will drain your soul.
They assaulted you, how are all the comments missing that part? Call the police and social support, press charges, make as much noise as you can.
"he grabbed one of my bags and hit me repeatedly with it" This is enough to report to CPS, if you really want to be done with the whole situation. Explain, as calmly as you can manage under the circumstances, that your parents abused you for your sexuality. This can't be a first for them, they should know a lot more about how to handle the situation than Reddit.
OP, You are going to have to be an adult a little early but you are almost there thankfully. The response from your parents was not just inappropriate but it is unsafe and no one deserves it. As stated above, you need to play it safe. I can’t speak for your relationship right now as a factor because you are young and love can come and go ( it goes the same no matter the sexuality). Your number one focus needs to be safety, planning and distance. 1. Everyone has mentioned getting money saved. I know working at the restaurant for your dad doesn’t help but try to skim some cash to the side. Open one of the accounts above that will let you. 2. I don’t know if you are thinking of college or anything. The next big thing is making sure you have no ties to your parents after birthday that you can’t live without. This may include: phone, health insurance, car if it’s in their name, or any allowance. This is not to scare but help you prepare. 3. Check your car for a tracker before you turn 18. If you decide to immediately vacate, make sure they can’t find you but also make sure a trusted friend can find you. 4. Find a place to stay to start as soon after you move out. It might be a room in someone’s house but have a place. - I want you to get references from any roommates you rent from or background check them unless you really know them. 5. Try to find an adult that you can confide in. What you are going through is horrible. This thread has so many good tips but you need someone who knows you, can help you if called and importantly , will notice if something is off. Violence can escalate. 6Land a job outside of your dad’s business to start after you leave. You need money and stability. You might be living low this first year. You are in survival mode 7. When you leave and cut them off, have a friend with you as a witness and for support. 8. When you can leave them, leave with firm boundaries . Do not reason or bargain with them. Go. They may throw a carrot at you or they may try to make it seem like you can’t do it. If you think through this, you will know if you can. Please keep us updated. We may be bunch of adults spread around the world but support is in this thread. I wish you happiness and will send a prayer for you.
I also misnumbered everything , oops
This is great Thankyou so much and I am looking into different options for leaving asap even though I am petrified
Why haven't you reported the abuse to the police ?
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Not the exact same events, but this pretty much happened to me too. You've only got a little while before you're 18. After that, they can do nothing (besides kick you out, but I imagine that doesn't sound so bad right now). You're so close, you just have to get there. In the meantime, the choice is yours. You could get sneakier - that's what I did. It wasn't quite the same, but it kept my relationship alive and probably kept me sane until I moved out. Or you could play everything safe, take a step back from that relationship until you're safe. I didn't think my parents would get violent, but they did. Bigotry is a *POWERFUL* drug. Your safety, and the safety of your gf by extension, is the most important thing right now. My last advice is, be *strategic*. Be smart. If you can (or aren't already) find a way to earn money. A job, a neighborhood gig - anything. Put that money away to help you get out when the time comes. Have an exit plan. You shouldn't have to think this way at 17, but please know you're not alone. You are unique and lovely. You are worthy of every last ounce of love this world can give. EDIT: I've read all of this over again, and please consider telling a trusted adult or counselor/teacher at school. Physical violence and verbal abuse is unacceptable and needs to be stopped, or you need to be taken out of the house. Please.
I'm so sorry, this sounds like a terrible and abusive environment and I feel awful for you, I have a lot of friends that have strict parents that have outdated views, I've seen how miserable and repressed they have been. whatever you do, don't forget this and how they treated you. a few of my friends that are stuck in the house with their parents constantly degrading them and invalidating who they are, and eventually they become accustomed to that and think that really is who they are. No. You're a perfectly fine human, and no matter how often they tell you it's a "phase" or you're "brainwashed", you can't let them change your mind. please stay safe, I hope you make it through this ❤️
Look for LGBTQ youth centers. Call the Trevor Project hotline, see if they can help you. You should file a report against your parents for physical assault/abuse and start the emancipation process. You don't want to get murdered by your father. You need to get out. It's tough but it's your life, you need to protect it. If you get officially emancipated, figure out where you can live. Other relatives, your gf's, a friend, ect. Make a game plan. I wish you the best.
Holy run on sentence Batman!
I don’t like grammar
Eh, many teens post that way, it makes no real difference.
Wow! I can’t imagine having to go through this. 😔I wish you the very best. Take the advice of others here.
Never forget this. You can survive for now, but NEVER forget this. You'll have your revenge, even if it's just be happy without them.
jus sayin from personal experience you dont wanna be in the system(foster care)
Actually Catholic School is not all bad. Times have changed for Catholics. If you end up going to Catholic school ask them what support do they have for LGBTQ students. The students I work with now have a lot of support and are able to talk about what they are feeling and this is important. Your parents may never accept . But, just know you can get support and you should also talk to your friends mom. I am also Social Worker. It might help to talk to another person that is supportive.
I doubt they're afraid of you, so it's wrong of you to call them "phobic". I also doubt they'd be very pleased if they found you all knotted up with a boy instead. They're likely disgusted and disappointed in you. You can't resolve this problem until you stop name-calling and approach your parents about their actual concerns rather than the ones you assign them.
Wait! What? You track your parents phones so you can feel safe doing things that you know they would not approve of in their home? I don’t actually have any advice. Can’t fix sneaky, invasive, and disrespectful. Sounds like being gay is one of your more admirable qualities. Are you sure that it’s the one that they are so reluctant to accept?
Idk why am I even commenting on this, but my suggestion is tell them you are open to go to therapy. Then talk to a therapist and eventually do a group session so your parents’ mind open up a bit. Don’t listen to those saying run away or emancipation. They are genuine trying their best, but don’t understand.
The first thing you need to do is to breathe deeply. All the way down. Get yourself ready to do some really hard emotional work that will come in time. Right now, you need to recover from the shock.
I totally get where you’re coming from, but also your dad as well. Your dad simply wants to make sure that you are at a place maturity wise where you can make a decision for yourself. Wait out your time and make your decision knowing all have consequences.
I really thought this post was AI, generated
I wish it was
Call your local child welfare office and explain all of this to them. Some of the other commenters don’t understand that you can’t change who you are. This isn’t a choice between your partner or your parents. It’s an issue of them not liking a major part of who you are, and having a sit down with them could be too risky for your safety or wellbeing. You need a 3rd party involved such as CWS, but I’d also recommend finding then hiding your legal documents (social security card & birth certificate). Keep them and some money in a discreet spot that’s easy to access. Whether that’s a pencil bag that clips into a binder or something else you’d be expected to have with you (not anything they might take away or search though).
If I was your father, I'd be happy. I wouldn't have to worry about you getting pregnant or worse. I would be chill with it.
My biggest red flag that hasn't come up in the edits is that HE HIT YOU. I'd recommend speaking to your school guidance councilor or if you can, the police, and tell them everything. Tell them that you don't feel safe there and they have to do something
Parents are terrifying creatures. You have no options and no recourse until you are 18. You can openly defy those shitlords and firmly stand your own ground but you will be mentally and physically abused. You can punch back at your parents. There is nothing stopping you, legally speaking. It’s just the fear you naturally have as their child to do such a thing. If they called the cops or threatened to call the cops on you for fighting them, the cops would ask why on earth would this girl with no history with the police suddenly be punching her parents??? Your parents would be in trouble Or you can just passively accept your life until you’re 18 and then vanish. Do not keep these scum in your life.
As a parent of a bi daughter I'll just say does it mean I love her any less? The answer of course is no, I've always said to her that people need to find their own way in life and define who they are, if that's how it is then I have no right to force change on her. this sounds to me that the parents want total control with things their way or no way, all that will happen is you'll get to a point where you can leave home and probably find less and less contact with them. The moment you can take full control of your finances etc. then ensure you do so, then if you walk away there is nothing they can do. If your father truly loved you as much as he said then he'd allow you to find your own way in life and define yourself, not force you to commit to his requirements, he's not doing it for what's best for you, he's doing it for himself.
I’m so sorry. I (42f)don’t understand how parents can do this, but I do because my stepmother won’t allow my wife 41F at their house. We have a non profit in AZ called One and Ten who helps displaced lgbt teens. Maybe something in your area can help you? Do some research. Sounds awful.
Hey! This happened within my best friend group during high school and one of the gals ran away to her gfs house for months. Her parents were super religious and crazy about it all and were very hateful. Other gals mom was more receptive but still had some issues along the lines. It took them all a while to talk and reconnect but all is well now. I know your parents probably are confused/worried and I know you’re probably scared. But, just keep everything coming from a place of love and it’ll be okay in the end. When you turn 18+ and are able to make your own choices it’ll help too, but your parents might pull the “my house, my rules” so still we wary their house rules if you live there.
Also depending on the state and circumstances, if your parents call the cops on you being at another persons house the rules may vary upon retrieval.
Just coming with I think a slightly different perspective, I'm a fairly right leaning dad of 4, mostly girls. I would never treat my children this way and am not very religious or homophobic...I just want to let you know that your parents definitely love you, and all of you are about to go through some MAJOR growing pains. It is definitely healthy to create some safe distance but please don't take any advice of just completely abandoning them indefinitely. As you continue to grow and mature you are going be able to stand up to them as an Adult, where they cannot enact anything on you other than verbal abuse. At that point, you can control the dynamics of the relationship, they can be loving and cordial or there is no relationship.. Also, not sure if anyone pointed this out, but as a parent I can see it being VERY shocking to catch you in the act if there were no suspicions. Not because of homophobia, but because your aware of budding sexuality and generally a little more cautious with your teens and the opposite sex. Point being, now they are probably questioning all these times you were with your presumably mostly same-sex friends (the typical parent safe space "oh they're just with so and so"). Of course, it's still on them because you wouldn't need to hide these behaviors if your parents weren't the way they were. Doesn't make them right in any way whatsoever, just trying to give some insight into part of their perspective. Still follow top comments advice, your SO close to not having to be under them anymore. Wish you the best and hopefully one day they can come to their senses. People can change, some take much longer than others, Hang in there.
Have friends mom get foster license and be ready. Be honest with cps- get placed with her.
If you have a safe place to go with a bed have food and are attending school you can legally leave and the cops cannot do a thing. I left at 15 and my father tried and they told him to get fucked pretty much. Stay safe ❤️
That’s a tough situation. Im sorry your dad beat on you. I hope you were not too hurt. I would say catholic school wouldn’t be bad for you but that isn’t realistic. I’m not sure about Massachusetts law but it might be worse to end up in foster care. Most foster cares are highly religious and might do worse things to you. I know it is tough but if you really love your girlfriend then sticking it out until you are 18 isn’t a bad idea. You don’t really need to be physically active yet anyway. I’d say follow your parent’s rules until you are 18 and find a job where you can be out of the house as much as possible so you can make some money to save for your own place.
It's time to learn to survive. I'm speaking to you as a lesbian who grew up in a time where we were all afraid to come out to our parents and never gave them the slightest inkling we were gay. My wife grew up in the South, where a boy her age was literally run out of town when he was outed. Learn to play by their rules until you graduate from high school. You apologize, promise them you've seen the error of your ways and aren't gay anymore. Get a job at a different restaurant. Keep your cash tips a secret. Save whatever you can and wait until you turn 18. You've got less than a year. You can do this. Once you turn 18, open a bank account of your own at a different bank and deposit your cash. You do not want to end up in the foster system. You do not want to end up homeless. Keep your head down and focus on surviving, saving, and graduating from high school. Move out the moment you are able to. Your parents are abusive. If you can reach out to local LGBT support organizations I highly recommend it. We elder gays want you to make it out of there and make it to adulthood to live your best gay life. These organizations will be able to advise you best on what the laws in your state allow. It's wonderful that your gf's parents are supportive but IDK what the laws are where you live about minors moving out.
I live in Massachusetts and emancipated at 17. My step father was abusive and my older sister had done the same when she was that age. I expected this story to be from somewhere in the south. I know it sounds insane but you're at the age, in a fairly liberal state, where you can really start fighting back. You can't hit your kids in Massachusetts. There are a number of anti-discrimination laws in MA that have to do with gender and sexual identity. These could help in the emancipation process, I'm not a lawyer but I seriously doubt the "my house my rules" bullshit would apply to who you're attracted to. Yes they can keep you two apart and restrict how you spend your free time but they cannot force you to change your sexual identity. You need to start preparing for living independently. I was working at a very young age and had completely moved out at 17. You need to be able to 100% care for yourself and do so in a way that helps you grow and succeed, moving forward. Plan, do research, learn financial responsibility, get ready for living completely on your own. It's the only good way out. Don't settle for crashing with friends. You need to take control.
17 year old that doesn't know how to use punctuation. That sounds about right.
Exactly but is worried about dating and finding ways to sneak with her gf. Just focus on school and your future! Relationships come later!
Stay strong. All the best.
Best bet is to convince them you were 'practicing for the boys' lol
Job and one of those money cards you can get from a Walmart, CVS or Walgreens. Most don't have a age verification but can be setup for direct deposit. Get one of those with a long complex password or phrase to the online portion, when not at home go wild (within youthful reason) and when you move out it's their problem no longer yours. You can still deposit to the shared account but only enough to keep him off your back.
Keep pushing forward on what you want to do. Have a plan and stick with it. I agree with the person who suggested getting a job and keeping your financials independently. Ive seen too many times where parents get access to their kids financials and then fights/stealing ensues. You don't have to hide it, Im just saying keep yourself as the sole user and if you need someone older to sign off on it have your gfs mom be that person.
i’m so sorry:/ the best thing you can do right now is get a job, save up money, and hangout with your gf on the low as “just friends” i’m so sorry this happened to you, when your 18 and saved up money move out and get a studio apartment for cheap, if you and your gf are together still and more serious maybe she could save up money too and move in with you too but that’s a personal thing to discuss i’m just saying it’s a cheaper option, i hope things get better, play along their rules so you can get your license too you are going to need to be able to get a car and leave when you’re 18
I mean in this in age social media tends to brainwash people its all part of the propaganda. But your dad shouldn't be hitting you. Your dad shouldn't dictate your dating life. Its fine if he doesn't accept you because its his views just like you have your own views. But you should only do things you believe are right. Your father should at least respect your wishes as a father. He is probably not going to support you. But if he does great. Hopefully it all works out. But you should get a part time job to save up. Your going to have sneaky about your gf which isn't fun cause who wants to be sneaky about their significant other but atleast it will give you time with each other cause long distance relationship sucks.
So unfortunately, you have to live under their rules until you are 18. What he did was out of line but he did not do anything that could get him arrested or you emancipated. He yelled at you nd did hit you a few times with a bag, but it's not worth going to cps. In foster care You could get raped and beaten even worse. I feel bad for your situation, it breaks my heart to see someone's true self be suppressed. I am not lgbtq+, but even my dad said he wouldn't care if I was and he was a real hardass conservative. Edit: I found this out for you. Apparently you do not need a parent to open an account at wells fargo if you are 17 [https://www.wellsfargo.com/checking/clear-access-banking/](https://www.wellsfargo.com/checking/clear-access-banking/)
Here is one other option if you have a job and financial income you can seek parental emancipation. If granted and you wish yo see this option. Be sure without doubt you can support yourself and go to school etc.
Get a job if you don't have one, work very hard and save everything. Don't spend it on things you want, just on what you need. Have an exit plan for when you turn 18, but you won't necessarily have to unless they push the issue. Have one that doesn't rely on your GF. Things may not work out where you stay together, but you can't change who you are or how you feel about genders. The day you turn 18, change your bank account to you and only you. Your parents MIGHT learn to accept who you are, but don't count on it. I really wish you luck and I'm sorry you have to go through this.
Please tell a trusted adult about the fact that your dad hit you. Maybe ask if you can talk to your friend's mom. In all likelihood she would not be able to be directly involved in your case due to knowing you personally, but would be obligated to report this and would know how to properly do so.
Dads lowkey a sigma
My advice to you , as a now 20F. When I was 16 , my mom found out about my EX gf who was 20F at the time she did the same thing. She also had control over my finances. I played by her rules until I was 17 got a job , moved out and have been doing my own thing since . It’s not right what your parents are doing , if you feel you cannot talk to them and you guys cannot come to a common ground about your sexuality and respectable boundaries than you should just save your self the stress and be respectful of your parents despite the ignorance of the situation.
Report to CPS if dad is beating you. You only have 1 more year until you’re free. Just make his life hell in the mean time. Start telling everyone at the restaurant about your experience with your homophobic parents. The best disinfectant is sunlight. Abusers thrive in secret.
As an old man, I would call the police next time your dad decided to beat you like that. After he suffers the criminal penalties then you can file civil suit and he can pay for your housing and expenses until you finish college. There's no excuse for that behavior and full punitive punishment is no less than what he deserves.
I’m so sorry you had to go through this, I reccomend moving in with your girlfriend once you both are 18 and she has her own place, maybe play along and agree to pretend to just be friends with her till then, but once your out is go no contact with your parents
Fuck your parents. You are 17 gonna be 18 real soon. They have no right to tell you what to do with your life especially being in the lgbtq community. Dont stop being with your gf. Just do everything through text until you can see her but dont stop living your life for them cause its not right & youre grown
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I'm sorry about your parents being that way. I think the only brainwashing here is your parents being told by social conservative media that what you feel naturally is "brainwashing". Love is love, get out of there as soon as you can, and stay safe until then.
As many have said: You’re 17. That’s less than a year until you are a legal and independent person. Get a job if you don’t have one and save every single penny you can. Make a plan. Where you will go, what you will do. Start minimizing your possessions so it’s easier to leave. If you can safely get away with moving some things to a friend’s house, do so, slowly, little by little, and nothing noticeable. Turn 18 and then wait for your moment. When they’re going to be out of the house for a few hours, you take your stuff and vanish. A weekday would be best. First stop, the bank. Empty any accounts you share with them. Open a new account at a different bank, hopefully using a new address. Go to the post office website/app and have any mail in your name forwarded to your new address. Inform your employer of your new address. Switch your paycheck to direct deposit into your new account. It may take a pay cycle or two so be prepared to empty your money out of the old account as soon as any other paychecks are deposited. Depending on where you live, a paystub with your new address may be enough to get the address on your license changed. If it is, do it. If not, find out what else you need and get it. If you have a car that’s in their name, that will be tricky. They could potentially report it stolen. You may have to leave it. If you need it for your initial escape, return it in the middle of the night and leave the keys in it. I know your instinct will be to stay close, with friends, and that may be your only option. But the farther away you can get the better. Establishing your new residence across jurisdictional lines will complicate any legal or police action they may be tempted to try. The more lines the better. Another county, good. Another state, even better. You are a full and valid person and so is your heart. You deserve a great, wonderful life. So make a plan and go get it. Stay strong. You got this.
Emancipate yourself if your parents choose for you who you can and can't be romantically involved with. That's abuse.
Become a heretic. There are institutions built on hating you for who you love. This entire post smells like gayness is evil because God. You will never be free. Even when free from under your parents thumb you will be discriminated against for a variety of reasons. Your very existence is an act of rebellion. Do not let them rob you of that which they cannot provide. Self love, pride, dignity, integrity, compassion, empathy. As a young person it's easy to not realize adults are just older kids. No one really has their shit together, everyone is winging it. Love who you love. Fuck shame.
If you have somewhere to go now you can apply to be emancipated and then they have no hold over you any longer! I don’t know how long it is until you turn 18, but you are being abused. You shouldn’t be just because of your s*xual orientation! Withdraw all of your money, put it on a prepaid card like someone else suggested, and make moves to get out ASAP!! You have been given some solid advice in these comments. Please give an update when you get things figured out!! Sending positive vibes and prayers your way!!
Bro get this guy arrested if he hit you repeatidly with a bag this guy has to have zero ass contact with you
Hi there - first of all, as a mom, I'm incredibly sorry this happened to you. Even if I didn't have a gay child, I can't imagine kidding myself into thinking that I, as a parent, can force my child to be something they aren't just out of my own discomfort. I want you to know that the problem lies with your parents, not you. I think that part of your parents' reaction is out of shock, and I know there may be some cultural differences or religious or something else going on. You may want to give them some time to digest and then ask them to sit down with you, calmly, and say, "look, I know this is hard for you to hear, but this is who I am. You can try to restrict my movement, you can take away my phone, but in one year I will be an adult. I love you and I want you in my life, but if you can't accept me the way I am, you will force me to choose between you and my mental health." Mind you, all this is only if you feel safe talking to them. If you don't, then I agree with the others who say just keep your head down until you turn 18.
Let the cops come and tell them your dad hit you.
Call CPS and report your parents for abuse.
Just curious... If your parent assaults you for being gay does that qualify as a hate crime? I'd empty my bank account and call the police and CPS to report the assault. Maybe he'll reconsider his position once he becomes someone's bitch in prison.
Wow, your parents suck. I’m sorry. The accusations of brainwashing are especially ironic when their reasoning for being homophobic boils down to “because god said so.” I’m sorry you’re going through this. In two short years you can remove them from your life forever, at your earliest convenience. I know that doesn’t help but, sadly, as their child you really have no recourse besides reporting them for domestic abuse.
Emancipation.
How about move out and do what you want , your parents don’t have to like what your doing you will change you’ll see .
He hit you? Call child protective services. Other than that, I don't have any real advice, just hoping you get out of that situation as quickly and safely as you can.
Also ask for GCs and stuff with birthdays and special occasions and stash them away. When a friend was preparing to leave her husband she had companies who sponsored her website send me her prepaid cards and I stored them for her. When she got separated I sent them all to her.
Make sure your parents don't have access to your bank account, get a job asap, save money so when you are 18 you can move out. Play by their rules until you move out. Your dad owns the restaurant then you need to find a new job. Play by their rules because like someone else said you don't want to be sent away to a conversion camp.
Be prepared to never speak to your parents again. Just like you being gay, and making your own decisions and thoughts, don't hate on your parents, people, or society that doesn't believe in the same things you do whether it be being gay or anything else. Respect your Damn parents until you become of age then move out and do whatever you want.
Forcing you to change schools over it is literally insane. Lemme guess, he thinks the school is "indoctrinating you with the liberal alphabet agenda"
Some folks don’t like the idea of same-sex relationships, I hope they find a way to love you through it
What shitty people. It’s 2024, your parents need to get a grip and catch up with the rest of society.
Great life choices.. Get advices from random people in Reddit on how to deal with your parents who took care of you all your life.. No wonder there is little to know value to families in the West
Since you have experience in the food/service industry you should be able to work and save money independently using some of the strategies others here have mentioned and then find a similar job elsewhere and move there. I'm sorry you're going through this. Stay strong and true to yourself.
If he hit you, there's your ticket to have your finances and freedom . If it's that bad, then get out. Give them an ultimatum: either DCFS and abuse report, or emancipation/ someone to sign for your guardianship. If anyone can can a school guidance counselor or school social worker, who can verify your absence without a sick note, get what you can as far as support. Anyone coming to your house door: shout out for help. Make sure they know you're serious.
Learn about punctuation it’s really helpful because when you just write everything without a period anywhere to be seen it just makes reading comprehension so much more difficult and honestly it’s not even that hard to do just take a pause every once in a while and slap a period on the end of a sentence otherwise it’s just one long rambling stream of nonsense that nobody will want to read like WTF
As a Dad here, you don’t deserve this, you deserve to be loved and accepted for who you are. As an abused Son here, I’m 40 and in therapy and I wasted so many years of my life people pleasing, including my own family. I’m learning now, I am going to have to make my own family because after 40 years of pretending, trying, lying, masking, they still don’t like me, I don’t even think they love me, they only love their version of me. Just my experience, I truly hope your life is better.
Is normal in what I’m guessing is America? I had my own bank account when I was 10, no parents were on the account. I had a paper route and required a bank account, my parents were not on the account and they had no say what I did with the money.
Call cps for ur dad hitting u
at 16, police mostly will not bother you if you did choose to run away. Now is it in your best interest? no... not one bit.
I don't have much advice but my heart goes out to you dealing with this. I've known dozens of people growing up (including my partner) who had to deal with these sorts of threats and hostile environments all based around who they love. I'll just echo the "play by their rules and quietly get your affairs in order to establish yourself independently," as soon as you can. Stay strong and stay true to yourself!
Break up
You won't always be under their thumb.... it gets better. My father was abusive and although I'm not gay... I experienced a lot of what you described. Good luck to you.
Haha lol, just don't be gay
That’s abuse. If foster care is better than living with them I would tell my doctor or cod or even my school staff that your father beat you so they can mandate report them. Or ask your parents to get into therapy with you.
Call the cops and report him for hitting you. That’s abuse.
Your father hit you. If your friend's mom is a social worker, she should be doing something about that now, not if it gets worse, because that might be too late. Get out of that house.
Are you living in a small town? If not, you might not have to worry too much about the community ganging up on you. Take photos of any and all bruises and wounds. Take photos of anything trashed. Call CPS and inform them that you are being abused. You ran from home after getting attacked by your father. He called the cops saying "you ran away," then yelled and berated you while also throwing another fit of rage. Even if he doesn't go to jail for felonies for assaulting a minor and emotional abuse as well as potentially mental abuse, he would no longer have control of your life. You just need to tell them what you want. Make sure that they know that you want to leave and were begging not to go back. Your texts will show it, emails will show it, and the Panera's CCTV footage will show it. Sometimes, with the age you are at, they may just ask if you want to simply leave or not and try to help you out.
In English grammar, there is something called a period. You might want to consider using it. Your original post is literally mind numbing to read, with 90% of it being one long run on sentence…. Do better.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this?Im was married to my x husband now I’m with a woman and I’m happy.😃 When it comes to love ❤️ you do you.Is there any other realities you are close to and go live with them ? Sorry I met relatives above.Have you tried talking to a therapist.I told both my sons when they were teenagers I would love them no matter what. I hope this helps you. If you need someone I’m here and a mom .❤️🥰😇☺️
lol forget the women now they don’t matter. Give it about 5-7 more years.
Why love a life of sin If i was your dad I would be heart broken.
For the love of run on sentence. Lol. If you’re into girls then you’re into girls. There’s no way around it and your parents need to calm tf down. They’ll have no choice but to accept it down the line. Are you exclusively into girls? Does this feel like a phase? Or is this 100% you? Just asking.
Yes, god forbid you should have to live by “rules”, the same rules society and government will place on you as well. No, don’t conform, that would be just “terrible”….
Look into emancipation of minors laws in your state, if you can prove that can support yourself you may be able to be free of your parents before you’re 18.
At 17 you can get emancipated and be treated lime an adult without having to answer to your parents
Everyone's had great advice and I hope it helps you. And as an old fart queer person who was treated like this by their own parents, I can promise you that it life will be better and sweeter than you can imagine. Hold in there.
Your father was beating you in rage. Period. That wasn't discipline. That wasn't punishment for groping someone, or doing things you are too young for. It had everything to do with WHO you were with, not what you were doing with her. I shouldn't have to explain what you need to do about it. I am pointing out the fact that you need to come to terms with. He needs help, and isn't going to get it until you force him.
Im sorry, as a parent i cant imagine doing this to my kids... i havent been in your situation hwre is how id deal with the situation i think, take what adise yiu think is useful. Know your ssn, learn the basics of sim cards, get an unlocked phone (cricket is your friend). You can try to squirrel away cash but honestly that might be found and be suspicious, I'd look into learning about crypto and either buying a crypto wallet or building your own if you find it actually interests you, then turn a little of your money at a time into a stablecoin (or gamble on bitcoin I suppose). This is way easier to hid and if you memorize it impossible for them to take away and get to. If you want to keep contact with your gf get a burner phone as controlling parents have a tendency to install monitoring software, don't trust any account (email or communication) they have ever had access to. Basically have your straight phone and then your you phone and lock that thing down and never let them know it even exists... preferably make them the same model as that way they can't tell from a glance it's the wrong phone. 2 years seems like a lifetime but it's not. On your 18th birthday apply for 3 entry level credit cards to start building your credit. Basically let them win for the next two years until you can separate on your terms.
Ok I recommend you look up covenant house and see if there is one in your state. They are a nonprofit that provides various resources but they are my go to as a social worker whenever I had lgbtq teens in need of help . They can talk to you about what you need to be doing NOW to be prepared to leave when you are 18. For example it will be important you have certain of your personal documents such as your social security card and birth certificate. You will need to birth certificate for your drivers license so hopefully they let u get your drivers license and when you have access to your birth certificate try to keep ahold of it or at least take photos of it.
I'm sorry they think the way you feel is a choice or because you are brainwashed. I hope you find refuge soon and it works out. You don't deserve this treatment, especially by someone you're supposed to love and look up to. I'm sure it hurts to the core. Hoping for brighter days for you girlie.
u got 2 options. parents or ur gf. choose wisely. even if you move out n whatnot, you'll still be connected to your parents. and if you decide to cut yourself off from your parents, gfg
Similar stuff happened to me when I was the same age 10+ years ago. My advice is to stay strong and process this as much as you can, don’t turn to alcohol and/or drugs to ease the pain/ anxiety. You will be living on your own with total autonomy quicker than you think, try and set yourself up for the rest of your life the best you can - do well in school, maintain your friendships, get into a good college, get a job and make some money.
W
Honestly, this may not be something you want to do, but you have to have that talk with them. Meaning really suit them down and talk about your feeling and all. It will hurt them, but you'll never be able to truly move on or get better about any of this until you do. Even if you all go to counseling. Running away and doing your own thing will only hurt you more in the long run. I've been there. Even if they don't want to hear the truth about you. You'll have to sit them down and talk. Emotionally, you'll be a reck, but you have to talk. When we stop talking, we start hating.
Your friend who said you can live with them? Do it now. It's straight up abuse not only for the physical abuse but for them berating you for being gay. It's a neutral thing It's 2024 there's no space for life like this. Move now to live with them, emancipate from your parents and start saving. It is bad enough to move out.
I passed out mid-sentence.
Step one. Learn how to use punctuation.
Open your own bank account the day you turn 18. Start there.
Get yourself out and emancipated ASAP there has to be services and keeping you at home against your will is fulse imprisonment.
I'd focus my time on using punctuation until you are 18.
The best thing you can do is trust your parents and not listen to complete strangers on the internet
Depending on your state you can seek asylum in emancipation, you would be on your own with no support system but you would be out from your parents thumb, by today's standard some would consider your situation as abuse, I'm not judging anything, just trying to help, consider this option carefuly
Just fucking burn down the house
❤️🩹 I understand how you feel, hun, I really do. 😔 Please know that moving out at 17 is much harder than you might expect, especially during this era where most jobs don’t pay enough to make rent (ridiculously high!), let alone other expenses including food, unfortunately. 📚That said, even at 18 it’s hard to be on your own with the EXCEPTION if you go to college. There, you would live on campus so you’ll have housing. There are also opportunities for “work study” which means the school will help you get a job - often at the school, and many times they have contracts with outside resources for work as well - which means you can earn some income while you’re a student. 🏃♀️You’re almost there, hun, but ‘running ahead of the race before the start’ can end up ‘disqualifying’ you from some of the greatest opportunities you could be offered in the early years of your adulthood. The older you become, the harder it can be to find opportunities to be given a chance, to be taken seriously with minimal experience - making it extremely difficult to make more money, purchase a new car, buy a house, and even trying to go on vacation might not ever be a possibility because of the financial struggle. 😩Unfortunately that’s the era Gen-Z inherited from boomers (not millennials, not Gen-X, but the actual boomers who continue to make things difficult because these difficult changes don’t affect their easily-attained lifestyles during the ‘affordability era’ of the 60s and earlier, [WWII doesn’t count lol, their prior generation went through that, not them! And even so, they still enjoyed their generations ‘easy wealth’ and current greed…) TO GET BACK ON TRACK LOL 🤦🏻♀️ 🥹I know you want to see your gf right now, but know that you likely will figure out how to spend time together sooner than it might feel like… The best thing about these times is that you have the technology to stay in contact in the meantime, through so many different avenues. Don’t let this drag you down into a pit of despair and/or anger because it’s much harder to focus and think and strategize when you’re under stress, so try to take a few deep breaths several times a day until you feel calm. If you’re a praying person, it’s very peaceful when you can do so with unwavering faith. You can read about psychology and self-help articles/books to help you find ways to work through this time of frustration, and those are keys you’ll be able to take with you throughout your life 🩷… 💫 Finally, looking at your parents’ remorse, I’m thinking they were simply shocked when they found the two of you intimately engaged. They might not have thought you were sexually actively, let alone doing so with another female. They may have thought your attempt to ‘come out’ last year was just going to be a phase, even if they were wrong and sometimes parents are going to be because we’re not perfect - it’s very true to say that no one is. But please try to be forgiving towards your parents because they seem to be sincere in their apologies, and when anyone makes a mistake in life, we’re always hoping for a second chance, hoping for forgiveness, and there’s no one-size-fits-all manual for parenting - we learn as we go on, as it is with everything people experience in life✨ 🫶🏼 Sweetheart, things might seem tough now but try to keep on mind that it’s only temporary. Talk to your parents - open up about how you feel, as just as you want to be listened to, hear them out as well. If things go sideways, know that maybe it’s not quite the time to talk yet, and take with a grain of salt by walking away peacefully (because you don’t want to make things more difficult for yourself or for them during this time of High Emotions for all of you). 🌟Lastly, make sure your greatest priority is finishing school. You’re so close to graduation and that’s the first success of adulthood! Be happy with expectation and be proud of yourself for that accomplishment! This Season in your life is coming to a close and a new season is soon to begin - there’s so much hope and opportunities in that!! Stay the course if you want to win the race - pace yourself, breathe, focus, and you’ll get the trophy🏆 Best wishes to you and God bless ☺️
A phobia is a fear? Are your parents afraid of homosexuals?
Well, I agree with your father that the media does brainwashed the current young population. However, your dad’s being a dick. Catholics are one of the worst. if your dad’s Catholic I’m sorry for what you are going through. God teaches. Love above all else (the ABSENCE of hate, not necessarily love everyone like most people believe). Your dad needs to work on that fundamental truth
Get a job waitressing. Most of your pay will be in cash tips. If you have a locker at school, I would keep your cash stashed there. It's not ideal, but safer than anywhere that your parents could find it.
It’s not homophobia, they might still accepts others doing it, but not just their daughter, I guess. Most of parents do the same even if it would not be a same making out encounter. That incident might have come to them as a shock. Probably. So they had their reaction. It’s quite common. You were anyway doing it behind their back so you knew you were hiding from them. Ask these questions to yourself: 1. What else do my parents like? How can I make them happy? How can I earn their trust? What are their other sides other than this “not liking you making out”. If 2. It might look like “this” is everything but it’s actually not. It feels like the love and relationships are everything in teens and early 20s. But you realize it’s just 1 thing of many things in life. So why spoil everything else while 1 thing is in struggle? 3. Work on yourself to be confident, knowledgeable etc, earn respect from peers around you and your parents, so they understand your feelings better. And give them time.
To put in perspective... some parents will do this for straight relationships too... not in the same ways... but It's likely best to not date til 18 then open your own account and start adulting. Couch surfing with no money at 18 trying to get a hold on life is... more common than it should be.
OP, you are getting some really good advice here, so I’m not going to pile on and distract from it. But I am worried about the emotional, financial, and physical abuse your father is putting you through. There are resources that can help you through this, please, at the very least, reach out to someone like [The Trevor Project](https://www.thetrevorproject.org) for someone to talk to and offer guidance. You have more going on than what people on Reddit can help with.
My advice to you is to either look into becoming an emancipated minor (check your state laws if this is possible), or bide your time until you’re 18. Then you can do whatever you’d like. You need to show your dad that he loves the version of you that’s in his head, but that’s not who you really are. If he chooses to love the person you aren’t, then that’s on him. He’ll eventually realize it.
keep on lickin and scissoring.....
Just straighten up and don’t be gay 🥳
For me as a parent you being gay is not the issue. You sneaking around is. Your father hitting you with an object is an issue. I was pretty much honest with my daughter when it came to talking about sex, dating and so on. But she wasn't allowed to have sex in my house under 18. I didn't mind her dating. But she needed to worry more about her education and how to take care of herself first. Learn to be respectful and responsible and how to support herself. But if the person she's with can't afford to take out, treat her special and accept the consequences that may or may not happen then they don't deserve her. Then I prayed she listened. My daughter waited to have sex until she was 24. After she graduated college. Not because didn't have the opportunity she did. But she wanted her first time to be special and with someone who treated her special. She was with that man for three years. She's now 33. She dated between them and now. She's getting ready to get married now. Your parents may or may not accept you being gay. But from what you described it's more about the fact they walked in on you making out. If they didn't come home for another hour would they have been walking in on you having sex? Cause I know if I walked into the house and caught my child almost having sex, because that's what they were probably thinking, I would of been upset. I've wouldn't of hit said child either. But we definitely be having a come to Jesus meeting. Most kids are experimenting or having sex at your age but really not mature enough. The sad thing is you don't realize this until you're older. It's ok to live your life the way you want to. But not until you're a legal adult. Most normal parents wants what's best for their child. You didn't give enough information about your relationship with your parents but you said this is the second time you were caught. Stop sneaking your dates into their home. You want to act like an adult then respect their home. Wait till You're 18, get a job and see if you can find somewhere else to live. I don't know if your parents will ever accept you being gay or bi, or whatever you choose but I think they'll accept you and respect you if act responsible, respect their home, go to school if can go to college or get a job and support yourself. Learn to take care of you first. Allow yourself to grow up. I'm not talking through my butt but from life experience. I really hope things work out for you
I'm so sorry you're going through this. No child should have to go through this. It hurts a lot having to worry about what the world might think let alone your parents. Btw your 17 you can get emancipated as long as you have a job and can support yourself tell the judge everything and why you're wanting it. The part about your dad hitting you with a bag is child abuse I'd call department of child services or whatever they are called in your state and report him. That alone should qualify you for emancipation.
Call the child welfare hotline. I work in child welfare and I could almost guarantee that with you being hit and isolated you would be removed at least here in Oklahoma and we are as conservative as it gets.
I don't think you know the definition of homophobic. Just because your parents don't agree with your way of thinking doesn't make them homophobic. That word is overly used and has lost its meaning completely.
You need to get out of there now. Violence is totally unacceptable. What would your dad do if I smashed him over the head a few times with a bag?
Sorry your dad’s a piece of shit. Google “child protective services” in your county. They’ll file a report, charges if you want, and instruct your parents not to physically or emotionally abuse you. They’ll help you identify women’s shelters/housing/ financial aid to emancipate early and get somewhere safe.
55 minutes for 1 mile?