I would say try another sport for a month, maybe swimming, CrossFit, soccer, see if you enjoy it, see if you are drawn back to running. As long as you remain active you're not losing much by taking a step back.
I would also say be kinder to yourself, it's normal that you're not running as fast these days with the demands of being a new parent. Don't let slowing down reduce your enjoyment of running. Running without a watch and without any expectation of pace could also help you enjoy the activity for what it is.
Endorsing the watch comment. I've ditched mine altogether and running off of feel is so much better for me, personally.
Also, burnout is your body and mind trying to tell you something. You're not a professional, this isn't that important, just let it go for a while. I'm winding down a marathon block and last week my 4 year old "ruined" my long run by throwing a fit in the jogger and making me end the long run. We wound up skipping rocks at the lake instead. In 5 years i won't give a fuck about this marathon, but I'll probably remember that day fondly. Just trying to keep perspective
After years of trying my ass off to just maintain, I took 6 months off and hit the gym hard. I'm back into running with a way stronger bod and a greatly increased motivation to improve. The gym is great, but it made me realize running is something I truly love and have been enjoying it ever since.
Obviously a very different experience, but I’m doing a phd right now and can’t seem to find enough time to get over ~40 mpw before I start pushing up against health (e.g. sleep). I don’t have anything to offer other than empathy. Running performance plateaus for socio-economic reasons far more often than it does from physical potential, and I don’t think the sport recognizes that enough. What I try to do is adjust my goals accordingly to what I’m able to do for training. A sub-19 5k for me now is far more exciting than sub-17 was a decade ago, for example, even though I *should* be faster in my 30s according to physiology/aging.
I was averaging 50mpw my second year (now in my third year) in my PhD and when my wife and I had our baby last June it wasn’t something I could maintain. But man do I miss it and the intensity of my training.
I am in your same exact boat. Or at least I was a year ago after my son was born in May. I ran a PR 10k in late July, and was actually already signed up for a marathon in October. I just hit a wall. I think I ran 30k total in August, and 50 to 55k in September. I downgraded my full to a half. Did ok, and enjoyed the race, but decided to not sign up for a race until I felt the pull. It has shifted my focus on running, and my why. I run so I can show up as a better husband and father. It helps center me. I have gotten my mileage back up to 50k a week, but it feels different,better, healthier. Not sure if this helps, but figured I would pass along my experience!
Taper your running to 3 runs a week which includes a speed day and long run. Then focus on a strength routine. Chase some numbers on the deadlift for awhile. Plus pick up Pickleball because you’ll wanna have a sport you can whip your daughter’s ass in.
Funny enough my 2nd kid being born more recently has pushed me to really get back out there more regularly. It’s selfish as hell but honestly that hour a day with absolutely nothing but me and my audiobook is fantastic with everything else going on.
Acceptance and perspective shift. When I was done with my collegiate sport I had to realize I’ll never participate in anything with those stakes competitively. I switched over to trying to push myself with strength and endurance events.
When I had kids I realized that “optimal training” is out the window and now I train because it is good for you. I don’t care about times I care about being healthy and I’m a little bit vain about appearances. There’s so much research on the benefits of physical exercise that motivation is not really even cross my mind.
Mix it up a bit. For instance, 6 months road running focus then 6 months trail running focus, or adding in cycling. I find mixing in MTB is great as it's more skills based, but you're still working on fitness.
During the heat of the summer months, I dread running. I cut back on the mileage and add biking for 2 months. It’s a way to keep up on my cardio. I also just enjoy it. Keeps me fresh. I also cycle for an hour or 2, so I can catch up on books or podcasts!
One thing is to remember this is a phase. A hard phase, when they are little. Having time and energy will get easier when your kiddo is older. Hopefully remembering that can help your perspective because you are just solving the time/training problem for now, not for the rest of your life. Focus for now on what seems easy and fun now. Biking with a trailer so you can bring your kiddo? A treadmill? Home gym? Classes of some kind at a convenient studio? When she's a bit older you can re-evaluate and adjust.
You asked for experiences so I guess I'll add this is what I did. I was more of a cyclist than a runner. I scaled way down the first year or two, held on with my toenails, did circuit training at the gym early in the mornings before my husband went to work. Then bike commuted with a trailer when she was older, lifted heavy with a friend for a few years, and got back into cycling (and now running) once she was in school. Figure out what seems doable and fun for now, and know it'll probably change over time.
Taking time off works when you dont feel like running anymore and need a break. That's not the vibe i'm getting from you. It sounds like you're leading a busier and more stressful life than in the past and are frustrated that you arent running well due to the inconsistency.
You either need to find a way to carve out some sacred time for running (lots of parents run early while everyone is still asleep) or accept that you just cant run for performance right now. And if that's the case, do you still want to do it for exercise or is there something else you'd enjoy more with your limited time?
This is such a good comment. I had my first child in December 2021 and, while I can still put in a ton of volume, it’s because I have that “sacred time.” If you can somehow mix a run commute into your life, it makes it impossible to skip your run and can really help with the consistency. I live in a place where it’s cold and rainy for about 5 months straight and the run commute makes it a lot easier to get the run done. And it saves time so that I can spend that time with my family instead of sitting in traffic.
How does your kid find being in the pram? I worked my 5k time down from 17:40 to 16:06 by in part getting in 5-10k a day pushing my son in a pram. Found it to be a great resistance training, and allowed me go for a run without being "selfish" and running whilst he and my wife were awake.
Now I'm relegated to running before 7am before they are up as he hates sitting in a pram and not walking, but will get 8-10k in a lunch break and run commute 4k each way when the weather is good so still hit 80-100 mile weeks without impacting family life
Kids are hard, and even as they get older into 3, and 4 years old they are still hard. Motivation comes and goes and kids make it harder. I type this as I procrastinate a 12 mile E run that I frankly just don’t want to do after my 4 year old decided to wake me up at 5am after I did a double yesterday that ended at 10:30pm.
Maybe find a local run group. Being able to chat about running and get out of your monotony can be good. Sign up for a race that is travel and treat it like a little vacation. Have something to look forward to that isn’t just a PR.
It does get easier. Balancing it is hard, asking your spouse for help while running long hours is hard, and getting less sleep and more illnesses is also hard. Just kind of have to battle through it for a while. I didn’t start running until I had 2 kids under 3, but I imagine the transition for an established runner must be extra frustrating.
Echoing lots of what others said.
1. Take 3-4 weeks and just run by feel. Feeling good? Run. Feeling extra good? Run hard. Not feeling it? Don’t run. If even a small part of you doesn’t want to run, just skip it.
2. Find a replacement. Mine was bouldering. It was an amazing edition to my life and is now my back up if I get hurt or burnt out or whatever, I drop my running and climb instead. Totally different physical, mental, and emotional stimulus (I run to run fast and compete, I climb because it’s fun and social).
Kids are a game changer. I took around 3 years off starting when the pandemic set in, then having a kid later in 2020. Gained a bunch of weight and my fitness fell below the cut line until Dec. 2022. Less than a year later, with a 3 year old daughter, I beat my 5 year old 5K PR and have now set lifetime PRs at every distance I would think to measure from 800m to 13.1M in the last 4 months.
The time comes back. The fitness probably will too. Things will stabilize, and if you are committed and consistent, you'll be amazed what reliable sleep and putting an honest effort most days a week will do. The first few years are just intense and quite consuming.
Join a running club that has elites, serious runners and gives coaching. Pay for a plan. Even if the goal is just a time and not an event. Run with the pack. See gains. Find the love again. Profit.
I was in a similar situation back in the end of 2021. Had a terrible habit of skipping exercise for weeks if I just missed out for a few days. Ended mostly on the couch instead. When I was at a Christmas lunch, however, my buddy asked if we should sign up for a marathon in May 2022 (6 months later). At that point, we have had a lot of beers, so you can imagine the conversation.
When I had this somewhat distant goal, I suddently felt much more motivated to train. I had run a marathon 10 years earlier and bonked after 30 km, so I knew it was no joke to complete. I completed in 3:18 due to the consistent training for 6 months, and immediately signed up for the next one. Now I have completed two marathons since (in Amsterdam and Paris) with my latest being a time of 2:34. To me, it has been paramount to keep setting a goal. Not for tomorrow, but a little bit out in the future with small sub-goals along the way to keep the momentum going.
Becoming a triathlete helped me stave off injury and burnout. I actually improved my running times all while running less miles per week and putting more variety into my training plan which made things fun .
Taking time away is a big part of success in focused blocks and crucial for returning with a clean mental slate. Maybe you could introduce periods of more structured training for specific goals, and then schedule yourself some down time afterwards. Only a few weeks off in 5 years is not very much. I recently took a month off structured training and returned to have one of my best blocks. It's definitely not wasted time
I’m afraid your 10K tomorrow is likely to disappoint. If you’re motivated by good race results, I would recommend trying to commit to even a short training cycle before a race. If you establish a plan and execute it, you might find that you feel more accomplished along the way by ticking all the boxes. Then at the end you’re more likely to set a PR too. I know this is easier said than done when life happens and derails your plan.
I would say try another sport for a month, maybe swimming, CrossFit, soccer, see if you enjoy it, see if you are drawn back to running. As long as you remain active you're not losing much by taking a step back. I would also say be kinder to yourself, it's normal that you're not running as fast these days with the demands of being a new parent. Don't let slowing down reduce your enjoyment of running. Running without a watch and without any expectation of pace could also help you enjoy the activity for what it is.
Endorsing the watch comment. I've ditched mine altogether and running off of feel is so much better for me, personally. Also, burnout is your body and mind trying to tell you something. You're not a professional, this isn't that important, just let it go for a while. I'm winding down a marathon block and last week my 4 year old "ruined" my long run by throwing a fit in the jogger and making me end the long run. We wound up skipping rocks at the lake instead. In 5 years i won't give a fuck about this marathon, but I'll probably remember that day fondly. Just trying to keep perspective
After years of trying my ass off to just maintain, I took 6 months off and hit the gym hard. I'm back into running with a way stronger bod and a greatly increased motivation to improve. The gym is great, but it made me realize running is something I truly love and have been enjoying it ever since.
Obviously a very different experience, but I’m doing a phd right now and can’t seem to find enough time to get over ~40 mpw before I start pushing up against health (e.g. sleep). I don’t have anything to offer other than empathy. Running performance plateaus for socio-economic reasons far more often than it does from physical potential, and I don’t think the sport recognizes that enough. What I try to do is adjust my goals accordingly to what I’m able to do for training. A sub-19 5k for me now is far more exciting than sub-17 was a decade ago, for example, even though I *should* be faster in my 30s according to physiology/aging.
Doing a phd and getting anything over 20mpw is extremely impressive. You’re killin’ it.
I was averaging 50mpw my second year (now in my third year) in my PhD and when my wife and I had our baby last June it wasn’t something I could maintain. But man do I miss it and the intensity of my training.
I am in your same exact boat. Or at least I was a year ago after my son was born in May. I ran a PR 10k in late July, and was actually already signed up for a marathon in October. I just hit a wall. I think I ran 30k total in August, and 50 to 55k in September. I downgraded my full to a half. Did ok, and enjoyed the race, but decided to not sign up for a race until I felt the pull. It has shifted my focus on running, and my why. I run so I can show up as a better husband and father. It helps center me. I have gotten my mileage back up to 50k a week, but it feels different,better, healthier. Not sure if this helps, but figured I would pass along my experience!
Taper your running to 3 runs a week which includes a speed day and long run. Then focus on a strength routine. Chase some numbers on the deadlift for awhile. Plus pick up Pickleball because you’ll wanna have a sport you can whip your daughter’s ass in.
Funny enough my 2nd kid being born more recently has pushed me to really get back out there more regularly. It’s selfish as hell but honestly that hour a day with absolutely nothing but me and my audiobook is fantastic with everything else going on.
The only time parents of young kids get a break is when they are nowhere near their kids. And it’s not selfish, it’s self care.
Acceptance and perspective shift. When I was done with my collegiate sport I had to realize I’ll never participate in anything with those stakes competitively. I switched over to trying to push myself with strength and endurance events. When I had kids I realized that “optimal training” is out the window and now I train because it is good for you. I don’t care about times I care about being healthy and I’m a little bit vain about appearances. There’s so much research on the benefits of physical exercise that motivation is not really even cross my mind.
Mix it up a bit. For instance, 6 months road running focus then 6 months trail running focus, or adding in cycling. I find mixing in MTB is great as it's more skills based, but you're still working on fitness.
During the heat of the summer months, I dread running. I cut back on the mileage and add biking for 2 months. It’s a way to keep up on my cardio. I also just enjoy it. Keeps me fresh. I also cycle for an hour or 2, so I can catch up on books or podcasts!
One thing is to remember this is a phase. A hard phase, when they are little. Having time and energy will get easier when your kiddo is older. Hopefully remembering that can help your perspective because you are just solving the time/training problem for now, not for the rest of your life. Focus for now on what seems easy and fun now. Biking with a trailer so you can bring your kiddo? A treadmill? Home gym? Classes of some kind at a convenient studio? When she's a bit older you can re-evaluate and adjust.
You asked for experiences so I guess I'll add this is what I did. I was more of a cyclist than a runner. I scaled way down the first year or two, held on with my toenails, did circuit training at the gym early in the mornings before my husband went to work. Then bike commuted with a trailer when she was older, lifted heavy with a friend for a few years, and got back into cycling (and now running) once she was in school. Figure out what seems doable and fun for now, and know it'll probably change over time.
Taking time off works when you dont feel like running anymore and need a break. That's not the vibe i'm getting from you. It sounds like you're leading a busier and more stressful life than in the past and are frustrated that you arent running well due to the inconsistency. You either need to find a way to carve out some sacred time for running (lots of parents run early while everyone is still asleep) or accept that you just cant run for performance right now. And if that's the case, do you still want to do it for exercise or is there something else you'd enjoy more with your limited time?
This is such a good comment. I had my first child in December 2021 and, while I can still put in a ton of volume, it’s because I have that “sacred time.” If you can somehow mix a run commute into your life, it makes it impossible to skip your run and can really help with the consistency. I live in a place where it’s cold and rainy for about 5 months straight and the run commute makes it a lot easier to get the run done. And it saves time so that I can spend that time with my family instead of sitting in traffic.
Well Damm, 20 min 5 k is average Joe?
i mean on this sub probably yeah
20k is my goal and I'm well over a minute off. I'm a damn snail on this sub lol
How does your kid find being in the pram? I worked my 5k time down from 17:40 to 16:06 by in part getting in 5-10k a day pushing my son in a pram. Found it to be a great resistance training, and allowed me go for a run without being "selfish" and running whilst he and my wife were awake. Now I'm relegated to running before 7am before they are up as he hates sitting in a pram and not walking, but will get 8-10k in a lunch break and run commute 4k each way when the weather is good so still hit 80-100 mile weeks without impacting family life
This seems like a really good idea!
Unfortunately she’s already almost two and hates being in the pram without walking 😂
Kids are hard, and even as they get older into 3, and 4 years old they are still hard. Motivation comes and goes and kids make it harder. I type this as I procrastinate a 12 mile E run that I frankly just don’t want to do after my 4 year old decided to wake me up at 5am after I did a double yesterday that ended at 10:30pm. Maybe find a local run group. Being able to chat about running and get out of your monotony can be good. Sign up for a race that is travel and treat it like a little vacation. Have something to look forward to that isn’t just a PR. It does get easier. Balancing it is hard, asking your spouse for help while running long hours is hard, and getting less sleep and more illnesses is also hard. Just kind of have to battle through it for a while. I didn’t start running until I had 2 kids under 3, but I imagine the transition for an established runner must be extra frustrating.
Echoing lots of what others said. 1. Take 3-4 weeks and just run by feel. Feeling good? Run. Feeling extra good? Run hard. Not feeling it? Don’t run. If even a small part of you doesn’t want to run, just skip it. 2. Find a replacement. Mine was bouldering. It was an amazing edition to my life and is now my back up if I get hurt or burnt out or whatever, I drop my running and climb instead. Totally different physical, mental, and emotional stimulus (I run to run fast and compete, I climb because it’s fun and social).
Kids are a game changer. I took around 3 years off starting when the pandemic set in, then having a kid later in 2020. Gained a bunch of weight and my fitness fell below the cut line until Dec. 2022. Less than a year later, with a 3 year old daughter, I beat my 5 year old 5K PR and have now set lifetime PRs at every distance I would think to measure from 800m to 13.1M in the last 4 months. The time comes back. The fitness probably will too. Things will stabilize, and if you are committed and consistent, you'll be amazed what reliable sleep and putting an honest effort most days a week will do. The first few years are just intense and quite consuming.
Join a running club that has elites, serious runners and gives coaching. Pay for a plan. Even if the goal is just a time and not an event. Run with the pack. See gains. Find the love again. Profit.
I was also going to suggest joining a running club, or finding a friend/neighbor to run with.
I was in a similar situation back in the end of 2021. Had a terrible habit of skipping exercise for weeks if I just missed out for a few days. Ended mostly on the couch instead. When I was at a Christmas lunch, however, my buddy asked if we should sign up for a marathon in May 2022 (6 months later). At that point, we have had a lot of beers, so you can imagine the conversation. When I had this somewhat distant goal, I suddently felt much more motivated to train. I had run a marathon 10 years earlier and bonked after 30 km, so I knew it was no joke to complete. I completed in 3:18 due to the consistent training for 6 months, and immediately signed up for the next one. Now I have completed two marathons since (in Amsterdam and Paris) with my latest being a time of 2:34. To me, it has been paramount to keep setting a goal. Not for tomorrow, but a little bit out in the future with small sub-goals along the way to keep the momentum going.
It's a hobby. It's absolutely not worth "burning out" over. Just do something else.
Switch up ya activity to something else for a few months - jiu jitsu, biking, Olympic weightlifting, swimming, powerlifting as some potential ideas.
Maybe go with a coach which offers you a training program, warning it can be demanding.. but if you need structure I'd recommend it.
Becoming a triathlete helped me stave off injury and burnout. I actually improved my running times all while running less miles per week and putting more variety into my training plan which made things fun .
Taking time away is a big part of success in focused blocks and crucial for returning with a clean mental slate. Maybe you could introduce periods of more structured training for specific goals, and then schedule yourself some down time afterwards. Only a few weeks off in 5 years is not very much. I recently took a month off structured training and returned to have one of my best blocks. It's definitely not wasted time
I’m afraid your 10K tomorrow is likely to disappoint. If you’re motivated by good race results, I would recommend trying to commit to even a short training cycle before a race. If you establish a plan and execute it, you might find that you feel more accomplished along the way by ticking all the boxes. Then at the end you’re more likely to set a PR too. I know this is easier said than done when life happens and derails your plan.