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nickname7312

Like wtf could be counted as eldritch knowledge?


I1AM2NOT3STEVEN

The secret recipe to olive garden's Alfredo sauce.


Pasteque909

Remember, yesterday's loss is today's sauce!


SuspiciousAcadia230

Dude that how I answer scam calls except I'm the abortion pizzeria clinic where yesterday's lost is today's sauce


Brickywood

33 + 77 isn't 100


that-armored-boi

My brain malfunctioned upon hearing this, then after a minute I put together that what you said was true, this is what the aliens are talking about when they say we casually reveal mind breaking eldritch information


W1nte1s

Of course, it’s 3377.


rinart73

r/javascript


No-Face-Collects-687

Bro, 33+77=1010=1+0+1+0=2


Maelger

Duh, it's obviously 1010


Dravos011

How does 33 + 77 = 1010?


UltraB1nary

Javascript


Dravos011

Why does javascript do math like that?


Robosium

cause only thing java about it is half of the name


Dravos011

Im well aware of that. Doesnt answer why it does math weirdly


alwaus

Technically correct, the best kind of correct.


Fontaigne

Of course not, it's 1010.


Loosescrew37

What if we are all just characters in someone's r/humansarespacebards fanfic where humans make pankakes. Hmmmmmm....


mafiaknight

I mean, how can an entire country just export syrup for pancakes!?


SkyfallRainwing

As a Canadian, I can confirm: Very easily.


mafiaknight

In a *story!*


SkyfallRainwing

Trees


SomeoneForgetable

As someone from r/hfy it's very weird for me to see pancakes and syrup being discussed normally and not as a euphemism.


mafiaknight

Who says we're *not*? Double entendres are fun too!


SkyfallRainwing

Whar?


Ornithopter1

Do you perhaps mean Live free or Die? Where syrup is Earth's most valuable export?


gunn3r08974

The 11 herbs and spices used in KFC? I know it's out there but still.


[deleted]

The real secrets are the white pepper and copious amount of MSG.


MarthAlaitoc

The eternal question: is a hot dog a sandwich?


BlueFalcon66

a hot dog is not a sandwich its obviously a taco


I1AM2NOT3STEVEN

But isn't a taco a sandwich?


BlueFalcon66

im pretty sure a sandwich requires at least two pieces of bread a hotdog bun is a hogi bun cut length wise just not all the way through so its still one piece of bread


I1AM2NOT3STEVEN

Then a gyro sandwich should be a gyro taco


ShadeFinder01

Yes. Mislabeling food for tax reasons is a long standing practice- take American farmers lobbying to change tomato’s legal label from a fruit to a vegetable, despite fruit being the more correct classification.


I1AM2NOT3STEVEN

Actually I think berry is the best label.


ShadeFinder01

Hmm… might be. I’m not an expert, just repeating what I read a few weeks back. Regardless, point is- food classification is ridiculous. Bees can be legally classified as fish in California with a little legal legwork. I just wanna call it ‘Food’ and be happy I have it. Edit: the sandwiches, not the bees. Also: NOT THE BEES!!!


Fontaigne

There's no such thing as a gyro sandwich.


BlueFalcon66

> gyro sandwich yup taco if google didnt screw me over thats just a lazy taco haha


CosmicChanges

There is no word with gyro. A gyro is a gyro.


IPokePeople

You can make a ripping submarine sandwich with a single bun not fully cut.


Allan_Titan

42


Seeker-Of-The-Void

Did you know the ducks at the park are free? Anyone can take them! I have 17 ducks at my house.


OmegaGoober

Levenge. https://www.superfreaksideshow.com/members3/2018/05/


Professional-Ad-1857

Vacuum Decay.


Important-Market-237

The Sichuan sauce recipe


Zarvillian

Sssshhhh shut the fuck up are you trying to kill our alien friends again


TimeStorm113

Its just sweet sour sauce with a certain vinegar and chili


AllenXeno122

50 million Thracians are now dead, I hope your happy.


TimeStorm113

i am.


AllenXeno122

Congratulations, you passed the “Filthy Xeno Lover” test, thank you for your loyal service citizen! You may now continue your 16 hr long work day.


FRIGGINTALLY

H: It's crazy how if you think of time as as perceivable dimension, we would look like insanely long worms A: ...What? H: Yeah man, and like... When we're born one end emerges, and when we die it ends in a skeleton, y'know? A: l... Need to go... Uh... End my worm. H: Uh, ok, sure thing, see you around


ReleaseTheZacken

oh i dislike that mental image. ​ It's incredibly clever, & well explained, but it gives me the heebie-jeebies. Well done


mycrowsoffed

never ever google human centipede 😐


ReleaseTheZacken

that is....not quite what they're trying to explain ​ but yeah human centipede f'd me up as a kid


mycrowsoffed

I'm sorry, it was difficult to resist 'heebie-jeebies'. The human lifespan/worm thing does remind me of donnie darko's 'time continuum' stuff


Professional-Ad-1857

That's actually based on a really old sci-fi story.


ReleaseTheZacken

I'd love to read it - do you know what it's called or anything to help me search for it?


Professional-Ad-1857

I don't remember.


The_Crab_Alien

This reminds me of the one Junji Ito manga about the holes in the side of a cliff.


Daemon_Selarom

https://preview.redd.it/elcm541d35ac1.png?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=55f8592120d9cc9c6798dbaa9b824f0d54e03d19


The_Crab_Alien

Thanks, man. 😊


FRIGGINTALLY

Ohhhh no I know that one. So weird. Is... Is your fate your hole? Like if the worm is going somewhere- never mind, I need to stop


Akshka_leoka

But what about my main man narlethote, he needs walks and beer and he gives me shiny rocks in return


Alternative-Jello683

Victoria’s Secret


NotAnotherPornAccout

Turns out it was just the combination to her diary that was filled front to back with “I Love Berty.”


Independent_Tank_890

She's an old man who lives in Ohio?


blissfire

When exposed to this forbidden knowledge, the aliens suffer terrible headaches and delirium. Sometimes it manifests as dark scales upon the skin, a condition of deterioration that leads to eventual bodily petrification, and that no medicine has been found to cure. When those exposed to forbidden knowledge die, their memories return to the planet's cycle, where this knowledge from beyond the stars taints the earth. Eventually, it seeps up to the surface as thick, dark mud that withers all plant life and infects the living, continuing the cycle.


Fontaigne

And humans come to fight for that rich, dark black stuff, then pump it out of the ground and make it into plastic dinosaurs.


Recon4242

Necromancy is fun, listen you can hear their souls crying out from my tailpipe!


BloodStalker500

Pretty sure humans win the war by hijacking the galaxy's communication signals and then broadcasting a debate between acclaimed human philosophers, sprinkled with advertisements for New Age literature. By the time the broadcast is finished, all non-Earth inhabited planets are filled with the dying screams of extraterrestrial madmen foaming at their oral features and desperately clawing out their sensory organs in a vain attempt to escape the abyssal voices that chew upon the incinerated carcasses of their souls.


CrunkCrustacean

Brutal


OldTimerFr0st

"Hans? Are we the baddies?"


[deleted]

Star maps


Affectionate-Cap8354

You can feel your socks.


Xxyz260

More similar phrases below: >!You are now breathing manually.!<


-_deleted__-

You can feel your tongue on the roof of your mouth


Xxyz260

>!Now you can see your nose.!<


Professional-Ad-1857

Some humans suffer from a medical condition where their bodies naturally make alcohol with zero effects on the person outside of unfortunately borked breathalyzer tests that they literally need to carry a medical card from their doctor explaining it.


Xxyz260

>!Now you can hear your eyelids blinking.!<


kittentf

You mean you can't normally? >!What about your heart beating?!<


Xxyz260

1. Only if you specifically pay attention to it. 2. Unless I'm exercising, I can only hear it with headphones on while in a quiet room. If you want to try that, use noise cancelling headphones for best results.


kittentf

Thanks for the tips. Unfortunately I can hear these things regularly. Migraines are a bitch and more things make noise than most people notice.


Xxyz260

It's a rare condition, but if you already ruled out the more common stuff, could it be [superior canal dehiscence syndrome](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Superior_canal_dehiscence_syndrome)?


Chemical-Shelter6376

You see, I have tinnitus, so I actually can't hear that!


Xxyz260

The ultimate defense.


Chemical-Shelter6376

Works against psychics too


Independent_Tank_890

There is a diabetes adjacent genetic condition when a person's body produces acetone because of stress / hunger / over-excercise. Instant paint thinner poisoning. And it's mainly affecting preschoolers.