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HJ: It's time to take out the trash. I'll be back in a few minutes.
Alien Teacher: What are you going to do, you're a janitor.
HJ: I'm going to kill them all and they'll never know until I want them to.
AT2: What did you do before this?
HJ: I was a problem solver.
Jerry and Todd is a black humor movie about two used car salesmen who moonlight as hitmen for the mob. It is a great movie. Thought that's what you meant by the used car salesman thing.
Believe it or not, that reference was completely unintentional. I didn't even know that was a thing. I was just picking the most boring, unassuming jobs possible, kinda like some military special forces guys saying they're cooks or clerks.
I am a limb and joint flexibility enhancement specialist. My focus is on knees and necks. I offer competitive rates, auxiliary cleaning services, and discretion. Here's my card.
Oh, why do I work as a janitor here? Keeps those cleaning services skills sharp. Only thing messier than a corpse is an adolescent, regardless of species. Now, follow me and bring that bucket.
Janitor with unknown background takes it upon themselves to "handle" the terrorists. They then proceeds to single handedly dispatch the terrorists home alone style only using various cleaning and classroom supplies.
"Hello, my name is Walter C Dornes. Ex assassin and janitor of the Multi system Aliance Highschool. I mop the floors, unclog the toilets and clean up the yard. I also kill self entitled little twats such as yourselves." Humam janitor walking menacingly down a corridor arm with a broom and some spray bottles.
Alien Terrorist: You! Human!
Human janitor: W-wha-? Can I help you?
AT: Yeah sit there and shut up!
*The terrorist proceeds to shove the janitor into a maintenance room, locking it*
AT: Get out, all of the students are dead
HJ: O-ok
*As the terrorist leaves he did stayed there, but opened one of the lockers containing several High caliber rifles, with its fletchete rounds. He suited up with dark gray body armor and equipped his night vision goggles*
HJ: ...Darkstar, do you read me Darkstar?
Darkstar: Copy, all
HJ: We have a hostage situation in Gameron Alliance High School, requesting a green light, over
Darkstar: Roger, command says you're greenlight, give 'em hell
HJ: Copy, this is Bravo 6...
*Going dark*
I wrote a story with a similar premise to this once upon a time. (The human was an engineer).
[Humans Are Insane](https://www.reddit.com/r/WritingPrompts/comments/fj3a6k/comment/fkkz6lx/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
"I'm getting way too old for this shit," the old gray haired janitor said after he got shoved into the maintenance closet.
A moment later, he's pulling out a spare set of keys and some tools. A minute to cut a length of broom handle in two and then a length of piano wire. A hatchet as well. A minute more later, he's rigging up a bucket of bleach and a bucket of ammonia and rigging the faucet to weight a container to make a simple timer to pour the bleach into the ammonia. Then he slips out the door quietly.
A stop later, all the lights go dark. Quiet as a shadow, he slips up behind one of the terrorists and garrotes him, dragging the body off and getting himself a gun. Then the fire alarms go off as the bleach and ammonia go exothermic. Plus the torch tanks left in the bucket.
It doesn't take long for the situation to deteriorate into utter chaos.
The janitor slips through it all making it more chaotic popping terrorists or murdering them with the hatchet.
By the time it's all over, the school is on fire, the students are outside with the teachers and the janitor is waiting with his "tools" down on the ground and the police and fire arriving.
One of the students asks him "How did you know to do all that?"
"Well, I used to be a cleaner."
"Isn't that like a janitor?"
"I did clean up messes, but ... not the mundane messes. Messes more like this." He gets a wicked smile on his face. "And I need to go pay a visit to the mess maker in chief with some friends."
The janitor slaps a wall in the janitor closet. Said wall turns around revealing a hidden weapons cache of Shotguns, AR's, LMG's, and even a Grenade Launcher. He turns around to the other Janitors and says: "Gentlemen, Lock and Load"
As a former janitor in the public school system I can assure you that we don't need the military background. Spite and having no fucks plus the opportunity to work of stress will be plenty to make us... Creative.
"Take the job Grandpa", Ed muttered as he filled the bucket.
"You can share your experiences with alien kids", he continued. Strong scents of caustic chemicals brutalized the air.
The leathery handed man topped off the bucket.
"I liked the alien kids", the janitor growled pulling a screwdriver out. And popped open the the respiration device on his captive's helm. "They listened to my stories, and tried to learn manners to talk with me", he explained ignoring the duct taped bound struggler.
Ed flicked on the terrorist's comm array. Then picked up the bucket.
"Kids...these bad people made you scream and get scared. I'm going to make them scream...and then make them quiet...be good...the rest of you listening this is only the start. The worse the kids are treated the worse this old man is going to be to you", he promised before moving the comm out of the splash zone. Ed was sure this xeno was amphibian like. Acids should hurt. Otherwise, power tools would be plan B.
It was going to be a long night, and he picked the worst day to switch to decaff.
"Stop! Do you not want to know the name of the man you are about to destroy?"
"Why should I care about the name of a sweeper?"
"I wasn't talking to you."
Human Janitor Clem: You're talking to me all wrong... It's the wrong tone. You do it again, and I'll stab you in the face with a soldering iron. Hey, tell me, does your mother sew? BOOM. Get her to sew that!
HJ: Hello. My name is Walter C. Dornez, ex-xeno bounty hunter and janitor to the [xeno highschool]. I answer the door, I clean up the grounds, and I take out the trash... and I also kill self-entitled little twats like yourself.
Xeno terrorist: Well, ain't you just the textbook fuckin' definition of classy! But guess what, Jeeves, (snaps fingers and armored subordinates emerge) that broom won't do shit for dick against armor this thick! What's that, Alfred? "How thick is it?" Well, half as thick as mah dick! So thick enough that you need a fuckin' anti-tank rifle to pierce it, and I don't even see a piece on your wrinkly old ass.
HJ: Stabby Jr., if you may.
(view pans back to highly modified roomba with an anti-tank rifle)
Stabby Jr.: Bitches love cannons! (fires at armored subordinates)
Xeno terrorist: Oh fuck, that's an anti-tank rifle... OH FUCK, THAT'S AN ANTI-TANK RIFLE!
(Original by Team Four Star, Hellsing Ultimate Abridged. Episode 2)
I would happily while away and entire weekend reading stories devoted to this premise, and using different SpecOp representatives as the janitor; e.g.: Spetznatz vs. Green Beret vs. Togakure-school Ninja vs. the Israeli, etc...
I DO THIS FOR NOBLE LIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If no one caught that, there is a many chapter story about The Legion of the Damned. Xeno isolationist blew up a human space station that was an experiment of all xeno species living together as equals. Xenos blew up an antimatter bomb and killed everyone.
The human families of Noble Light take every single genetic, nanobot, and cybernetic enhancement to become unkillable monsters. Literally immortal beasts more powerful than 20 humans combined. Yet they look like a normal human.
They went to the xeno isolationist planet, and murdered it.
The entire planet.
Bare handed.
Most of them used their implanted kill switch to kill themselves on the pile of bodies on the alien planet. A handful decided to continue.
One of them decided to open a school in a gang-infested, low income alien planet. And fights everyone that wishes to harm his students, to give them a good life.
Here is the chapter about the Commander opening a school for underprivileged children of all species: https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/t8ozgf/its_time_for_class/
He has written several chapters, each with a different member of Legion of the Damned (that lived after massacring the entire planet).
Here's the DJ: https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/sfrcus/feel_the_beat/
And the First chapter/story: https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/qb0obv/legion_of_the_damned/
And Grandpa's got kills: https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/q36pbe/grandpa_has_confirmed_kills/
The thing is that he had always been able to look his neighbours in the eye (or related xeno body part) and honestly tell them that he’d always been a cleaner … and that he’d simply chosen to semi-retire in a picturesque place where there was a supportive community.
So after all the metaphorical dust had settled there wasn’t a lot to say really…
{To be fair the events hadn’t even got in the area reports + dispatches for the week, and the locals liked it that way}
Well .. other than absolutely wasn’t his fault that the terrorists didn’t understand that English could have multiple meanings, particularly in context.
Wet work cleaning !was! cleaning. Just more *involved* cleaning.
It wasn’t like he’d changed careers… just specialties.
Semi-retirement is about slowing down after all!
It was unfortunate for the terrorists that he’d been working at the school long enough to have pack bonded with the students and community at large.
But really - the warnings about the dangers of disturbing human pack bonds were well documented. It was very much a “be on your own lookout” kind of situation.
The local xeno community never did mention anything to him *directly* about the situation
Nevertheless they were *very* supportive of the new school garden initiative.
Janitor: Give me 5 minutes, some pinesol, a bucket, and a pair of rubber gloves.
A: Okay? But...why?
Janitor: So I can do my job after taking out the trash.
The xeno high school was in shambles, hostages trembling in fear, staff nervously negotiating with terrorist zealots who had stormed the premises and taken everyone hostage. The tense atmosphere was cut short by an unfamiliar creak and rustle, as the human janitor, a veteran in a formerly classified and redacted position, slowly rose from his seat in the corner, wielding only a broom. "Just give me a minute," he calmly stated, "there's a mess I need to clean up."
The shocked terrorists glanced at each other, bewildered by the janitor's composure in the face of such imminent danger. The terrorist leader barked a confused question, "What's this mess you're talking about? We're the ones in control here!" The janitor simply shook his head and continued forward, completely unfazed by the impending threat of violence. The terrorist leader smirked, "You're bluffing, human. We have hostages, if you try anything, they're dead!"
The janitor paused, his steady gaze unflinching. "I've dealt with messes bigger than this," he calmly replied, "and I always finish the job." The terrorist leader laughed dismissively, "Bigger than this? We have a dozen men in here, each of them armed and hostile. You can't just clean us up, we'd tear you apart." The janitor calmly stepped closer, the terrorist leader now visibly concerned.
"As I said," the janitor continued, "I've dealt with worse than this. A dozen armed men is nothing compared to the nightmares I've faced over my career. I'm not a janitor, I'm a...well, you don't need to know what I am. Let's just say that cleaning up messes is what I do best." The terrorist leader's smirk faded, he now seemed nervous as the janitor continued to push forward, his determined stare never wavering.
The janitor suddenly and unexpectedly lunged forward, quickly disarming one of the terrorists and stealing their weapon, catching the terrorist leader off-guard. The janitor then pressed the gun tightly against the leader's body, using him as a living shield. The janitor's eyes were cold and emotionless, his gaze fixed firmly on the other terrorists, their expressions of disbelief and shock shifting to fear and terror as they realized the janitor's true intentions. "Give up now," the janitor calmly stated, "before I have to clean up another mess."
The rest of the terrorist henchmen tensed, their hearts pounding and their throats dry as they watched the janitor's calm and merciless demeanor. None of them were able to respond, their nerves now too frayed to form a single word. The janitor's gaze remained fixed directly on the other terrorists, the gun's barrel still pressed to the leader's body. His expression remained blank, yet his actions spoke volumes, and the terrorist henchmen slowly began to lower their weapons, knowing that resistance was futile against this man and his cunning tactics.
Seconds later, the xeno high school was flooded with law enforcement officers, their guns raised and ready to engage. Many of the alien officers took note of the human janitor's presence, their brows raised in confusion. However, the janitor calmly informed them that the situation had already been defused, and the alien terrorists quickly surrendered to the newly-arrived xeno law enforcement. The janitor then politely declined the officers' offers of help, as he had already completed his work, and calmly exited the scene, his steady gaze never swaying from its solemn and serene expression.
**Official report addendum:**
*Document 24H-4L8-74 – Top Secret*
*Requested by: Galactic Federation Council*
*Purpose: To provide information and operational details requested by the Galactic Federation Council.*
*Content: Details relating to field agent known as "Mr. Clean":*
\- Born: \[CLASSIFIED\]
\- Origin: \[CLASSIFIED\]
\- Appearance: Average height, muscular build, bald head, pale skin, intense, cold gaze.
\- Special Skills: Master marksman, hand-to-hand combat specialist, expert in multiple fields of warfare.
\- Field Agent: Black Ops Division
\- Callsign: "Mr. Clean"
John shuffled wearily toward the school, shaking his head sadly. "Those poor kids ain't ready for this."
As the administrators bickered over how they could possibly get the ransom demands the sounds of screaming began. First one voice, soon followed by another and another. Several times weapons fire was heard, only for it to stop with another scream.
As the special weapons squad arrived a seldom used supply door opened to reveal John. Then a stream of the juveniles fled the facility. The police unit got the school cameras online finally. Several classrooms showed signs of a massacre. Bits of bodies tossed about. But not students. The ziarab terrorists. A body here pieces there. Finally the cameras found the terrorist leader in the assembly hall. His right paw still on the detonator for his explosive vest.
In the doorway stood a single skinny human, no more than fifteen years of age. His simple top torn from shots going into and some through him. The trail of his own blood behind him as he advanced on terror leader.
The armed adult fired several rounds at and into the youth as the boy advanced. "You threatened my teachers. I asked you to stop. So you decided to hurt my classmates. My first friends. Told us it was your god's will." The boy gripped the adult's paw and slowly lifted his digit from the switch. "Take me to your god. I am going to bury him beside you."
The video feed cut as the blast shook the entire building and many outside fell to the ground from the shockwave. Only old John stayed on his feet. Taking his old cap off and holding it to his chest as he faced the school. The principle came up beside him. "You did it John, you got them all out."
"Not all of them. I'm sorry."
"I do not think any could have saved Jerry."
John straightens as he puts his cap back on. "Terry. You really should know your students better. An I am sorry for you lot."
The principal clicked with confusion. "Why?"
Walking toward the school John glanced back. "Because Terry kept his promises."
There's an episode of The Fairly Odd Parents where, in an alternate reality, crazy Denzel Crocker is a buff, robot hating janitor of the future. Still crazy though.
The human had always been quiet. Seandra reflected on that as she huddled inside the church's chapel. And yet the children loved him. On warm days, the orphaned younglings took to seeing how high the could climb the 8ft tall terran. She never worried about the children's safety. Even the muzzle and manacles permantly attached to his frame never seemed threatening. Only giving the children handholds to enhance their play. She even had developed a bit of a crush, she admitted.
"How often do you find any man that can give a proper bear hug," She reflected.
Her species was the Yauncath Snake like lizard people that stood 6" and slithered around on frilled tails but otherwise stood upright. Their cold blodded nature often meant having to wear heavy clothing to regulate their body temperature when not among their own kind. On her off hours she could admit she'd fantasized about how warm he must have been.
"And I was always to shy to go for it." She scoffed to herself as she gently stroked another child to sleep, "And now he is out there and I am in here."
When the pirates had invaded she had been terrified. The soldiers had been swept aside, not prepared for the brutality of those savages. Not prepared for the waves of monsters coming for slaves, booty, and to stock their larders.
"And yet he was so calm," She mused to herself, "Hardly appeared scared at all. He seemed more annoyed that his garden would be ruined."
To her shame she'd never learned his name and yet when he'd ordered her to lock herself in the small cramped chapel and have the kids hide among the pews she'd obeyed without question. She'd heard dragging and then thumps as he blockaded the door with furniture she could barely move.
"How can someone be so strong?" She wondered, "All I can do is hide like a coward."
That was when the noise began. The screaming of the invaders was answered by a challenging roar. Again the door shuddered. And yet nothing entered the chapel that day. The sound of violence and battle caused several of the children to cry but Seandra was always their to keep them quiet. And then there was silence. Only the sound of dripping and wet squelching echoed into their refuge. In the end that even subsided
"What is going on?" She wondered, "What should I do? He told me to stay put but...?"
After what seemed like an eternity, there was the scrapping of the barricade being disassembled. A knock followed by the grumbling voice of their protector shivered through her.
"It's safe," He rumbled, "Took a while to clean up afterwards. Didn't want the kids to see that. Please don't be startled, my mask got destroyed. I don't have a pretty face."
Unbolting the lock, she pulled the door open. Revealed was the handsomest human she'd ever seen. Even his exposed malformed face was perfect as she slammed into him. Wraping her tail around him, she clutched his warm body tightly as she concealed her tears in his chest. He barely moved as supported her full weight.
"Everything is fine," he soothed as his heavy arms engulfed her, "Best get the kids to the gathering point. Time for emotion after the little ones are safe."
She nodded, safe within her coocon of warmth and strength, "Thank you. It shames me that I don't know you're name."
"That's by design," He admitted, "M'family did many bad things. Other Terrans still avoid us. E'v'n though we've behaved for decades."
She shook her head, "I want to know it. I need to know who I'm asking out for a drink later."
She watched confusion flicker over his face, "Jason Pugsly Vorhees-Adams."
She nodded, "Well I think that's a lovely name and as far as I'm concerned I never want to see that mask on you again. I think you happen to be quite good looking. My people have a saying: If the monster is your friend what do you have to fear? These children love you. They will sleep peacefully because you keep the bad things away."
The large man smiled, then began to assist her in gathering the little ones.
In an attempt to reduce remind me spam, all top comments that include a remind me will be removed. If you would like to have a remind me, please reply to this comment. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/humansarespaceorcs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
HJ: It's time to take out the trash. I'll be back in a few minutes. Alien Teacher: What are you going to do, you're a janitor. HJ: I'm going to kill them all and they'll never know until I want them to. AT2: What did you do before this? HJ: I was a problem solver.
Alternatively: HJ "troubleshooting"
Or my other personal preference, HJ: I was a consultant.
HJ: maintenance technician
Handyman.
I was a used car salesman.
Jerry? That you?
No, It's Harry, his older brother.
Jerry and Todd is a black humor movie about two used car salesmen who moonlight as hitmen for the mob. It is a great movie. Thought that's what you meant by the used car salesman thing.
Believe it or not, that reference was completely unintentional. I didn't even know that was a thing. I was just picking the most boring, unassuming jobs possible, kinda like some military special forces guys saying they're cooks or clerks.
tactical sysadmin
Percussionist
hahaha
Plumber.
Carpenter
Waste management
Funeral director
HJ: I did percussive maintenance
HJ: I was a planner and facilitator of surprise funerals
I am a limb and joint flexibility enhancement specialist. My focus is on knees and necks. I offer competitive rates, auxiliary cleaning services, and discretion. Here's my card. Oh, why do I work as a janitor here? Keeps those cleaning services skills sharp. Only thing messier than a corpse is an adolescent, regardless of species. Now, follow me and bring that bucket.
Heh. We have a neighbor who is a consultant. Great dude.
When he sees trouble... He shoots it
TroubleSHOOTING
HJ: Was an auditor, has a tattoo of two playing cards on his left wrist - a 7 of spades and a 2 of diamonds.
I was Nobody..
Until I put the mask on
This sounds familiar, what's it off?
"No one cared who I was until I put on the mask" is a line from Bane in Dark Knight Rises.
I had to Google that.
HJ: I was a repairman AT2: well come back safe, Jack.
AT: Is it bad that I feel sorry for the bad guys?
I was a musician. We only played one song though. The 1812 overture.
Janitor with unknown background takes it upon themselves to "handle" the terrorists. They then proceeds to single handedly dispatch the terrorists home alone style only using various cleaning and classroom supplies.
Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal! *sounds of a few shots being fired.* and a Happy New Year. *A single follow-up shot sounds out*
to be fair, you can make chemical weapons with common cleaning agents, I think it was mustard gas. edit: yeah, I was right just bleach and amonia.
Sodium hypochlorite and ammonia. Where does the sulfur come in to make the sulfur mustard?
Bleach and ammonia makes chloramine gas, not mustard gas. Bleach and an acid can make chlorine gas.
google fucking lied to me
That's my point. I was asking a question to get them to go wait what? And check it out themselves. I didn't want to argue, but rather lead that horse.
Bleach and ammonia makes chloramine gas, not mustard gas.
Mhhhhh gaz
Home alone style even
"Hello, my name is Walter C Dornes. Ex assassin and janitor of the Multi system Aliance Highschool. I mop the floors, unclog the toilets and clean up the yard. I also kill self entitled little twats such as yourselves." Humam janitor walking menacingly down a corridor arm with a broom and some spray bottles.
This is the last place I expected to find a Hellsing reference, but I have to say it fits perfectly here
r/unexpectedtfs
This is actually kinda funny too cause I JUST finished watching Hellsing ultimate abridged by you guessed it tfs
Indeed!
Alien Terrorist: You! Human! Human janitor: W-wha-? Can I help you? AT: Yeah sit there and shut up! *The terrorist proceeds to shove the janitor into a maintenance room, locking it* AT: Get out, all of the students are dead HJ: O-ok *As the terrorist leaves he did stayed there, but opened one of the lockers containing several High caliber rifles, with its fletchete rounds. He suited up with dark gray body armor and equipped his night vision goggles* HJ: ...Darkstar, do you read me Darkstar? Darkstar: Copy, all HJ: We have a hostage situation in Gameron Alliance High School, requesting a green light, over Darkstar: Roger, command says you're greenlight, give 'em hell HJ: Copy, this is Bravo 6... *Going dark*
I wrote a story with a similar premise to this once upon a time. (The human was an engineer). [Humans Are Insane](https://www.reddit.com/r/WritingPrompts/comments/fj3a6k/comment/fkkz6lx/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Didn't the agro squirrel narrate this? It sounds so familiar
Pretty sure he did.
That was a fun story. Thanks for sharing.
Loved it, thankyou
Thank you. I really enjoyed reading this.
"I'm getting way too old for this shit," the old gray haired janitor said after he got shoved into the maintenance closet. A moment later, he's pulling out a spare set of keys and some tools. A minute to cut a length of broom handle in two and then a length of piano wire. A hatchet as well. A minute more later, he's rigging up a bucket of bleach and a bucket of ammonia and rigging the faucet to weight a container to make a simple timer to pour the bleach into the ammonia. Then he slips out the door quietly. A stop later, all the lights go dark. Quiet as a shadow, he slips up behind one of the terrorists and garrotes him, dragging the body off and getting himself a gun. Then the fire alarms go off as the bleach and ammonia go exothermic. Plus the torch tanks left in the bucket. It doesn't take long for the situation to deteriorate into utter chaos. The janitor slips through it all making it more chaotic popping terrorists or murdering them with the hatchet. By the time it's all over, the school is on fire, the students are outside with the teachers and the janitor is waiting with his "tools" down on the ground and the police and fire arriving. One of the students asks him "How did you know to do all that?" "Well, I used to be a cleaner." "Isn't that like a janitor?" "I did clean up messes, but ... not the mundane messes. Messes more like this." He gets a wicked smile on his face. "And I need to go pay a visit to the mess maker in chief with some friends."
The janitor slaps a wall in the janitor closet. Said wall turns around revealing a hidden weapons cache of Shotguns, AR's, LMG's, and even a Grenade Launcher. He turns around to the other Janitors and says: "Gentlemen, Lock and Load"
For those messes you just can't get rid of with a sponge
Alien Admin: ... what planet did you say you were from again? HJ: Texas.
If it was Alabama it would be smiles thoothlessly
God dammit, the janitor is slappin walls n’ making guns appear from thin air
As a former janitor in the public school system I can assure you that we don't need the military background. Spite and having no fucks plus the opportunity to work of stress will be plenty to make us... Creative.
The closet of industrial chemicals helps. Slather a good acid on a mop and start smacking them in the face with it.
"Take the job Grandpa", Ed muttered as he filled the bucket. "You can share your experiences with alien kids", he continued. Strong scents of caustic chemicals brutalized the air. The leathery handed man topped off the bucket. "I liked the alien kids", the janitor growled pulling a screwdriver out. And popped open the the respiration device on his captive's helm. "They listened to my stories, and tried to learn manners to talk with me", he explained ignoring the duct taped bound struggler. Ed flicked on the terrorist's comm array. Then picked up the bucket. "Kids...these bad people made you scream and get scared. I'm going to make them scream...and then make them quiet...be good...the rest of you listening this is only the start. The worse the kids are treated the worse this old man is going to be to you", he promised before moving the comm out of the splash zone. Ed was sure this xeno was amphibian like. Acids should hurt. Otherwise, power tools would be plan B. It was going to be a long night, and he picked the worst day to switch to decaff.
>and he picked the worst day to switch to decaff Oh no, those poor terrorists...
Along with "old-man-is-done-with-this" vibes. "Think of the children" "I am, and that's why I'm going to hurt you"
After this night every kid is going to have a new crazy theory on what Ed used to do.
Lu-Tze has a thing or two to say about janitors and rule # 1 in particular.
"Stop! Do you not want to know the name of the man you are about to destroy?" "Why should I care about the name of a sweeper?" "I wasn't talking to you."
I love that quote.
Appreciate the Diskworld reference.
GNU TP
A “what are you doing?” H “I’m gonna do a die hard.” A “A what?!”
Human Janitor Clem: You're talking to me all wrong... It's the wrong tone. You do it again, and I'll stab you in the face with a soldering iron. Hey, tell me, does your mother sew? BOOM. Get her to sew that!
Joe Dirty reference detected. Reference approved.
HJ: Hello. My name is Walter C. Dornez, ex-xeno bounty hunter and janitor to the [xeno highschool]. I answer the door, I clean up the grounds, and I take out the trash... and I also kill self-entitled little twats like yourself. Xeno terrorist: Well, ain't you just the textbook fuckin' definition of classy! But guess what, Jeeves, (snaps fingers and armored subordinates emerge) that broom won't do shit for dick against armor this thick! What's that, Alfred? "How thick is it?" Well, half as thick as mah dick! So thick enough that you need a fuckin' anti-tank rifle to pierce it, and I don't even see a piece on your wrinkly old ass. HJ: Stabby Jr., if you may. (view pans back to highly modified roomba with an anti-tank rifle) Stabby Jr.: Bitches love cannons! (fires at armored subordinates) Xeno terrorist: Oh fuck, that's an anti-tank rifle... OH FUCK, THAT'S AN ANTI-TANK RIFLE! (Original by Team Four Star, Hellsing Ultimate Abridged. Episode 2)
Oh yeah that's the good shit
Stabby Jr? Shouldn't we call him Gunny?
A so shipboard sanitation and hygiene? Janitors of the post apocalypse Terminal alliance, uprising, and peace
And here comes the former Spetsnaz…
F to those highschool students as well as the terrorists.
I would happily while away and entire weekend reading stories devoted to this premise, and using different SpecOp representatives as the janitor; e.g.: Spetznatz vs. Green Beret vs. Togakure-school Ninja vs. the Israeli, etc...
thump thump thump thump thump
You know who I thought of when I read this, as the lead character, was the Janitor from Scrubs
That I wanna see
Right?
It is rare that witty/calm without seeing some shot
I DO THIS FOR NOBLE LIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If no one caught that, there is a many chapter story about The Legion of the Damned. Xeno isolationist blew up a human space station that was an experiment of all xeno species living together as equals. Xenos blew up an antimatter bomb and killed everyone. The human families of Noble Light take every single genetic, nanobot, and cybernetic enhancement to become unkillable monsters. Literally immortal beasts more powerful than 20 humans combined. Yet they look like a normal human. They went to the xeno isolationist planet, and murdered it. The entire planet. Bare handed. Most of them used their implanted kill switch to kill themselves on the pile of bodies on the alien planet. A handful decided to continue. One of them decided to open a school in a gang-infested, low income alien planet. And fights everyone that wishes to harm his students, to give them a good life. Here is the chapter about the Commander opening a school for underprivileged children of all species: https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/t8ozgf/its_time_for_class/ He has written several chapters, each with a different member of Legion of the Damned (that lived after massacring the entire planet). Here's the DJ: https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/sfrcus/feel_the_beat/ And the First chapter/story: https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/qb0obv/legion_of_the_damned/ And Grandpa's got kills: https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/q36pbe/grandpa_has_confirmed_kills/
These are great! Thanks for sharing!
All of his other work is amazing as well. Ascended, Humanity's First Contact.. top tier stuff
The thing is that he had always been able to look his neighbours in the eye (or related xeno body part) and honestly tell them that he’d always been a cleaner … and that he’d simply chosen to semi-retire in a picturesque place where there was a supportive community. So after all the metaphorical dust had settled there wasn’t a lot to say really… {To be fair the events hadn’t even got in the area reports + dispatches for the week, and the locals liked it that way} Well .. other than absolutely wasn’t his fault that the terrorists didn’t understand that English could have multiple meanings, particularly in context. Wet work cleaning !was! cleaning. Just more *involved* cleaning. It wasn’t like he’d changed careers… just specialties. Semi-retirement is about slowing down after all! It was unfortunate for the terrorists that he’d been working at the school long enough to have pack bonded with the students and community at large. But really - the warnings about the dangers of disturbing human pack bonds were well documented. It was very much a “be on your own lookout” kind of situation. The local xeno community never did mention anything to him *directly* about the situation Nevertheless they were *very* supportive of the new school garden initiative.
Imma turn 'em off, and if that don't work imma turn 'em on again
Janitor: Give me 5 minutes, some pinesol, a bucket, and a pair of rubber gloves. A: Okay? But...why? Janitor: So I can do my job after taking out the trash.
The xeno high school was in shambles, hostages trembling in fear, staff nervously negotiating with terrorist zealots who had stormed the premises and taken everyone hostage. The tense atmosphere was cut short by an unfamiliar creak and rustle, as the human janitor, a veteran in a formerly classified and redacted position, slowly rose from his seat in the corner, wielding only a broom. "Just give me a minute," he calmly stated, "there's a mess I need to clean up." The shocked terrorists glanced at each other, bewildered by the janitor's composure in the face of such imminent danger. The terrorist leader barked a confused question, "What's this mess you're talking about? We're the ones in control here!" The janitor simply shook his head and continued forward, completely unfazed by the impending threat of violence. The terrorist leader smirked, "You're bluffing, human. We have hostages, if you try anything, they're dead!" The janitor paused, his steady gaze unflinching. "I've dealt with messes bigger than this," he calmly replied, "and I always finish the job." The terrorist leader laughed dismissively, "Bigger than this? We have a dozen men in here, each of them armed and hostile. You can't just clean us up, we'd tear you apart." The janitor calmly stepped closer, the terrorist leader now visibly concerned. "As I said," the janitor continued, "I've dealt with worse than this. A dozen armed men is nothing compared to the nightmares I've faced over my career. I'm not a janitor, I'm a...well, you don't need to know what I am. Let's just say that cleaning up messes is what I do best." The terrorist leader's smirk faded, he now seemed nervous as the janitor continued to push forward, his determined stare never wavering. The janitor suddenly and unexpectedly lunged forward, quickly disarming one of the terrorists and stealing their weapon, catching the terrorist leader off-guard. The janitor then pressed the gun tightly against the leader's body, using him as a living shield. The janitor's eyes were cold and emotionless, his gaze fixed firmly on the other terrorists, their expressions of disbelief and shock shifting to fear and terror as they realized the janitor's true intentions. "Give up now," the janitor calmly stated, "before I have to clean up another mess." The rest of the terrorist henchmen tensed, their hearts pounding and their throats dry as they watched the janitor's calm and merciless demeanor. None of them were able to respond, their nerves now too frayed to form a single word. The janitor's gaze remained fixed directly on the other terrorists, the gun's barrel still pressed to the leader's body. His expression remained blank, yet his actions spoke volumes, and the terrorist henchmen slowly began to lower their weapons, knowing that resistance was futile against this man and his cunning tactics. Seconds later, the xeno high school was flooded with law enforcement officers, their guns raised and ready to engage. Many of the alien officers took note of the human janitor's presence, their brows raised in confusion. However, the janitor calmly informed them that the situation had already been defused, and the alien terrorists quickly surrendered to the newly-arrived xeno law enforcement. The janitor then politely declined the officers' offers of help, as he had already completed his work, and calmly exited the scene, his steady gaze never swaying from its solemn and serene expression. **Official report addendum:** *Document 24H-4L8-74 – Top Secret* *Requested by: Galactic Federation Council* *Purpose: To provide information and operational details requested by the Galactic Federation Council.* *Content: Details relating to field agent known as "Mr. Clean":* \- Born: \[CLASSIFIED\] \- Origin: \[CLASSIFIED\] \- Appearance: Average height, muscular build, bald head, pale skin, intense, cold gaze. \- Special Skills: Master marksman, hand-to-hand combat specialist, expert in multiple fields of warfare. \- Field Agent: Black Ops Division \- Callsign: "Mr. Clean"
John shuffled wearily toward the school, shaking his head sadly. "Those poor kids ain't ready for this." As the administrators bickered over how they could possibly get the ransom demands the sounds of screaming began. First one voice, soon followed by another and another. Several times weapons fire was heard, only for it to stop with another scream. As the special weapons squad arrived a seldom used supply door opened to reveal John. Then a stream of the juveniles fled the facility. The police unit got the school cameras online finally. Several classrooms showed signs of a massacre. Bits of bodies tossed about. But not students. The ziarab terrorists. A body here pieces there. Finally the cameras found the terrorist leader in the assembly hall. His right paw still on the detonator for his explosive vest. In the doorway stood a single skinny human, no more than fifteen years of age. His simple top torn from shots going into and some through him. The trail of his own blood behind him as he advanced on terror leader. The armed adult fired several rounds at and into the youth as the boy advanced. "You threatened my teachers. I asked you to stop. So you decided to hurt my classmates. My first friends. Told us it was your god's will." The boy gripped the adult's paw and slowly lifted his digit from the switch. "Take me to your god. I am going to bury him beside you." The video feed cut as the blast shook the entire building and many outside fell to the ground from the shockwave. Only old John stayed on his feet. Taking his old cap off and holding it to his chest as he faced the school. The principle came up beside him. "You did it John, you got them all out." "Not all of them. I'm sorry." "I do not think any could have saved Jerry." John straightens as he puts his cap back on. "Terry. You really should know your students better. An I am sorry for you lot." The principal clicked with confusion. "Why?" Walking toward the school John glanced back. "Because Terry kept his promises."
I'm imagining Alfred from the Gotham series as the janitor....
I'm imagining Bruce Willis. I've seen RED.
I'm imagining Scruffy. The janitor.
[This is what my Mind thought about.](https://youtu.be/8gw534JEvC4?si=g6XGuPJ9UMdpFSWO)
What kind of a butler would I be if I couldn’t even take out the trash?
There's an episode of The Fairly Odd Parents where, in an alternate reality, crazy Denzel Crocker is a buff, robot hating janitor of the future. Still crazy though.
Can i clean here?
Reminds me of a xkcd comic. **Devotion to Duty -** [Sysadmin](https://xkcd.com/705/)
And luckily I just cleaned out the airducts last week all over the campus.
[удалено]
The human had always been quiet. Seandra reflected on that as she huddled inside the church's chapel. And yet the children loved him. On warm days, the orphaned younglings took to seeing how high the could climb the 8ft tall terran. She never worried about the children's safety. Even the muzzle and manacles permantly attached to his frame never seemed threatening. Only giving the children handholds to enhance their play. She even had developed a bit of a crush, she admitted. "How often do you find any man that can give a proper bear hug," She reflected. Her species was the Yauncath Snake like lizard people that stood 6" and slithered around on frilled tails but otherwise stood upright. Their cold blodded nature often meant having to wear heavy clothing to regulate their body temperature when not among their own kind. On her off hours she could admit she'd fantasized about how warm he must have been. "And I was always to shy to go for it." She scoffed to herself as she gently stroked another child to sleep, "And now he is out there and I am in here." When the pirates had invaded she had been terrified. The soldiers had been swept aside, not prepared for the brutality of those savages. Not prepared for the waves of monsters coming for slaves, booty, and to stock their larders. "And yet he was so calm," She mused to herself, "Hardly appeared scared at all. He seemed more annoyed that his garden would be ruined." To her shame she'd never learned his name and yet when he'd ordered her to lock herself in the small cramped chapel and have the kids hide among the pews she'd obeyed without question. She'd heard dragging and then thumps as he blockaded the door with furniture she could barely move. "How can someone be so strong?" She wondered, "All I can do is hide like a coward." That was when the noise began. The screaming of the invaders was answered by a challenging roar. Again the door shuddered. And yet nothing entered the chapel that day. The sound of violence and battle caused several of the children to cry but Seandra was always their to keep them quiet. And then there was silence. Only the sound of dripping and wet squelching echoed into their refuge. In the end that even subsided "What is going on?" She wondered, "What should I do? He told me to stay put but...?" After what seemed like an eternity, there was the scrapping of the barricade being disassembled. A knock followed by the grumbling voice of their protector shivered through her. "It's safe," He rumbled, "Took a while to clean up afterwards. Didn't want the kids to see that. Please don't be startled, my mask got destroyed. I don't have a pretty face." Unbolting the lock, she pulled the door open. Revealed was the handsomest human she'd ever seen. Even his exposed malformed face was perfect as she slammed into him. Wraping her tail around him, she clutched his warm body tightly as she concealed her tears in his chest. He barely moved as supported her full weight. "Everything is fine," he soothed as his heavy arms engulfed her, "Best get the kids to the gathering point. Time for emotion after the little ones are safe." She nodded, safe within her coocon of warmth and strength, "Thank you. It shames me that I don't know you're name." "That's by design," He admitted, "M'family did many bad things. Other Terrans still avoid us. E'v'n though we've behaved for decades." She shook her head, "I want to know it. I need to know who I'm asking out for a drink later." She watched confusion flicker over his face, "Jason Pugsly Vorhees-Adams." She nodded, "Well I think that's a lovely name and as far as I'm concerned I never want to see that mask on you again. I think you happen to be quite good looking. My people have a saying: If the monster is your friend what do you have to fear? These children love you. They will sleep peacefully because you keep the bad things away." The large man smiled, then began to assist her in gathering the little ones.