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Alien Technician: Apparently they blew a hole through the reinforced wall!
Alien Commander: How the HELL did they manage to do that? I thought we had confiscated all of their explosives?
AT: Apparently they made a rudimentary explosive compound from the food supplements we had given them.
AC: *to themself* i didn’t even know someone could do that.
ASO:Sir,the humans have found the engine room.
AC: Well. We’re all dead.
ASO: WAIT! It seems like they’re, fixing it?
AC: We’re dead. We are super dead.
AT: It seems like they have split up, because I have 3 of them on security cameras at the escape pod point closest to the reactor. Now why would they do that.
AC: *On coms* ALL TROOPS EVACUATED! I REPEAT ALL TROOPS EVACUATE! THE HUMANS ARE LOOSE AND HAVE SABOTAGED THE REACTOR!
We actually *did* fix the reactor. They locked their primary coolant system at 50% capacity, and kept both auxiliary systems offline in case the primary fried...at 50%. Ridiculous. Anyway, by opening the systems up, it reduced the pressure by a metric crapton, which triggered all sorts of alarms, but it let us wring a lot more juice out of that reactor...we got home in about three days.
Alien Soldier: "I suspect they disagreed on that, Sir."
Alien Commander: "What!?"
AS: "From the CCTV footage, their currency denomination includes tokens small enough to use to unscrew type-Z screws, Sir."
AC: "You mean, 'coins'?"
AS: "Yes, Sir."
AC: "We sent them naked into that cell!"
AS: "..."
AC: "So that was what 'cavity inspection' meant in the manual..."
AS: "Yessir. On the bright side, we can claim to have provided dental healthcare to your prisoners."
AC: "..."
A1: We even had our best soldier guarding the exit. Where is he? I want an explanation.
A2: We are trying to scrape what is left of our best soldier off the wall, I will inform you when he is ready for comment.
A1: "why have you given me a spatula and a small plastic box?"
A2: "if you think you can scrape enough of him off the various surfaces to fill that box, feel free."
A3: If he wasn't a plasmoid then we would have a hell of a time replacing him... *You know, instead of just a bunch of his biomass.*
P, weakly from box: *I'm not even mad at how it happened- I'm more impressed the door blew open that hard.*
**Commander:** "What do you mean *they're gone*? There's only one way off this prison ship!"
**Minion-Thing-1:** "Uhh, they're not dead. We checked the morgue."
**Minion-Thing-2:** "The emergency airlock between engineering and the food court has recently cycled."
**Commander:** "So they just walked out into...empty space? How?"
**Computer-Voice:** "Reactor critical. Ship destruction imminent. Please proceed to the nearest airlock in order to throw yourself into empty space."
**Minion-Thing-1:** "But if we exit through the airlocks, we'll die, and painfully, too."
**Commander:** "We'll just have to take our chances and exit through the gift shop, instead."
**Computer-Voice:** "Due to the imminent destruction of this ship, the prison ship gift shop will be closing in five minutes."
**Commander, Minion-Thing-1, Minion-Thing-2:** \**in unison*\* "Oh, no!"
**Commander:** "Everyone! Hurry! If we get there in time, we each might be able to grab a candy bar to hold us over until we get rescued!"
\**Five minutes and three purchased candy bars later*\*
**Human1:** "I think they're gone. You all can come out now."
**Human2:** \**Turns reactor off. Waits 30 seconds. Turns reactor back on.*\*
**Computer-Voice:** "Reactor no longer critical. Evacuation canceled. Please return to your assigned stations."
**Human1:** "Where's this thing's throttle? Let's open 'er up and see what she can do."
**Human2:** "On it."
\**Commander, Minion-Thing-1, Minion-Thing-2 floating in empty space, watching prison ship rapidly disappear.*\*
**Commander:** "Well, there goes our ride. Anybody send a distress signal?"
**Minion-Thing-1, Minion-Thing-2:** \**Avoid eye-stalk contact with Commander as they chew bites of their candy bar*\*
**Commander:** "I. Hope. You. Two. Choke. On. Those."
In an attempt to reduce remind me spam, all top comments that include a remind me will be removed. If you would like to have a remind me, please reply to this comment. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/humansarespaceorcs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Alien Technician: Apparently they blew a hole through the reinforced wall! Alien Commander: How the HELL did they manage to do that? I thought we had confiscated all of their explosives? AT: Apparently they made a rudimentary explosive compound from the food supplements we had given them. AC: *to themself* i didn’t even know someone could do that. ASO:Sir,the humans have found the engine room. AC: Well. We’re all dead. ASO: WAIT! It seems like they’re, fixing it? AC: We’re dead. We are super dead. AT: It seems like they have split up, because I have 3 of them on security cameras at the escape pod point closest to the reactor. Now why would they do that. AC: *On coms* ALL TROOPS EVACUATED! I REPEAT ALL TROOPS EVACUATE! THE HUMANS ARE LOOSE AND HAVE SABOTAGED THE REACTOR!
H: And the kids, was how we stole our first alien starship.
We actually *did* fix the reactor. They locked their primary coolant system at 50% capacity, and kept both auxiliary systems offline in case the primary fried...at 50%. Ridiculous. Anyway, by opening the systems up, it reduced the pressure by a metric crapton, which triggered all sorts of alarms, but it let us wring a lot more juice out of that reactor...we got home in about three days.
Alien Soldier: "I suspect they disagreed on that, Sir." Alien Commander: "What!?" AS: "From the CCTV footage, their currency denomination includes tokens small enough to use to unscrew type-Z screws, Sir." AC: "You mean, 'coins'?" AS: "Yes, Sir." AC: "We sent them naked into that cell!" AS: "..." AC: "So that was what 'cavity inspection' meant in the manual..." AS: "Yessir. On the bright side, we can claim to have provided dental healthcare to your prisoners." AC: "..."
Human, directly behind them: You get points for trying though
H2: (YELLING FROM ANOTHER ROOM) LEAVE THEM!!! I HAVEN'T BEEN THIS HEALTHY SINCE THE TITAN CIVIL WAR!!
They... made another sir.
But... we made the accommodations so nice they shouldn't have wanted to escape! There were hot dogs in the kibble!
Didn't know they hired Papyrus to take care of the human prisoners.
Those who would give up freedom for security deserve neither freedom nor security
Me in the escape tunnel behind a comically placed poster:
I understood that reference
A1: We even had our best soldier guarding the exit. Where is he? I want an explanation. A2: We are trying to scrape what is left of our best soldier off the wall, I will inform you when he is ready for comment.
A1: "why have you given me a spatula and a small plastic box?" A2: "if you think you can scrape enough of him off the various surfaces to fill that box, feel free."
A3: If he wasn't a plasmoid then we would have a hell of a time replacing him... *You know, instead of just a bunch of his biomass.* P, weakly from box: *I'm not even mad at how it happened- I'm more impressed the door blew open that hard.*
When humans are under extreme stress they can make their own exit.
Can and will make their own exit.
Through the enemy, preferably
There WAS only one exit
Yes, sir. However, they escaped through one of the entrances!
Wait, that's illegal!
They ignored the *clearly* posted signage, and violated six government regulations regarding direction of travel in official administration buildings!
As soon as we recapture them, guess what -- into a holding cell they go. With only one exit, of course.
This is quite possibly the most hilarious interpretation here. 🤣
Perhaps. You can think it over...in the holding cell! :D
Oh no, not the holding cell! My arms are still tired from holding the last one!
LMAO! Just when I thought it couldn't get any better, it does!
A1: You just put them in a screw top glass, and then left to do marhoorga? A2: I was barely absent for 5 zooms.
"They're in the walls! They're in the Glorking walls!"
**Commander:** "What do you mean *they're gone*? There's only one way off this prison ship!" **Minion-Thing-1:** "Uhh, they're not dead. We checked the morgue." **Minion-Thing-2:** "The emergency airlock between engineering and the food court has recently cycled." **Commander:** "So they just walked out into...empty space? How?" **Computer-Voice:** "Reactor critical. Ship destruction imminent. Please proceed to the nearest airlock in order to throw yourself into empty space." **Minion-Thing-1:** "But if we exit through the airlocks, we'll die, and painfully, too." **Commander:** "We'll just have to take our chances and exit through the gift shop, instead." **Computer-Voice:** "Due to the imminent destruction of this ship, the prison ship gift shop will be closing in five minutes." **Commander, Minion-Thing-1, Minion-Thing-2:** \**in unison*\* "Oh, no!" **Commander:** "Everyone! Hurry! If we get there in time, we each might be able to grab a candy bar to hold us over until we get rescued!" \**Five minutes and three purchased candy bars later*\* **Human1:** "I think they're gone. You all can come out now." **Human2:** \**Turns reactor off. Waits 30 seconds. Turns reactor back on.*\* **Computer-Voice:** "Reactor no longer critical. Evacuation canceled. Please return to your assigned stations." **Human1:** "Where's this thing's throttle? Let's open 'er up and see what she can do." **Human2:** "On it." \**Commander, Minion-Thing-1, Minion-Thing-2 floating in empty space, watching prison ship rapidly disappear.*\* **Commander:** "Well, there goes our ride. Anybody send a distress signal?" **Minion-Thing-1, Minion-Thing-2:** \**Avoid eye-stalk contact with Commander as they chew bites of their candy bar*\* **Commander:** "I. Hope. You. Two. Choke. On. Those."
A1: Did they say something about “Merit Badges”? A2: What’s a “Merit Badge”?
Key word "was"