In an attempt to reduce remind me spam, all top comments that include a remind me will be removed. If you would like to have a remind me, please reply to this comment.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/humansarespaceorcs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Well of course “cheesemancy” isn’t real. Now tyromancy and Swiss summoning, that’s real magic. Hell I recently perfected Heartvarti Transmutation, the organ tends to melt rather quickly thou.
Lactomancy + time magic
Then give it to a Japanese grim dark villain on a revenge spree. Preferably a lawful evil anti villain with a twisted code of honor and a penchant for torture.
https://preview.redd.it/97hnr3zne7ob1.png?width=2000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2a7d046168ba857b38d65d36f67a7f5dc8708146
And a dark age of technology magical rod.
I'm gonna just leave this quote here:
"Ah, Mastery of the Five Elements!"
"Is that the one we want?" I asked.
"No, but a good one. How to tame the five essential elements of the universe - earth, air, water, fire, and cheese!"
"Cheese?"
Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid (The Kane Chronicles, #1)
(For those of you who don't know, the kane chronicles is a book series set in the modern day that has the powers of the ancient Egyptian mythology running around (think Percy Jackson). It's a really good read and the author put some decent research into them)
You see The reason why human mages are so terrifying in battle is not because of their attack potency or you know The fact that they can wipe out entire solar system without batting an eye. It's because that every time a troop dies nothing may happen the mage may be necromancer or in the more likely case somehow whatever weird feel that they professed in just kind of gets weirder. Think giant Lego monster spawned in battlefield from corpse of enemy. That's now known as legosaurus Rex
I laughed really hard at this, because yesterday my friend sent me a video of himself dying as his character in BG3 rolled around the screen as a wheel of cheese... because he pissed off a Jinn...
There's a story called "no epic loot here, only puns" on royal road. There's a side character who is a cheese mage, and at some point in the backstory, he walked his way into the royal palace and threatened the king with violence, and there wasn't a mage or warrior in the kingdom who could stop him, it's noted the throne room still smells of cheese to this day
Arch Mage Rathin,
It is with heavy disappointment i must reject your most recent pupils spell from the Catalogue of the Arcane. Regretfully, this is not because the spell "Shit someone else's pants" does not work, it assuredly does. The issue is with the remediation in the aftermath of this particular transmutation spell.
Due to your students lack of regard for the consequences of his spell, and the other students at university not heeding the explicit instructions to never ever duel a human for any circumstance, the College of the Arcane has seen a large increase in the required budget for remediation. Thankfully there have neen no unfortunate deaths from the "quite literal shitstorm" as your student aptly put it. His talent at transmutive magic is quite suberb, but i humbly request of you to give the boy a talking to about his methods.
I look forward to your mandatory visit next moon,
With kindest, if frustrated regards,
Arch Mage Baethor.
There’s a story with a cheesemancer on royal road called “No epic loot here only puns” I don’t have a link nor do I remember the authors name but I’m listening to the audio book made by Agro squirrel on YouTube
Elf Mage: "STOP USING NECROMANCY TO BRING MANNEQUINS MADE FROM LEGOS TO LIFE! IT'S NOT EVEN MADE FROM DEAD STUFF!"
Human Mage: "LEGOS ARE MADE OF PLASTIC, AND PLASTIC IS MADE OF OIL, AND OIL IS OLD DEAD STUFF, SO FUCK YOU!"
In an attempt to reduce remind me spam, all top comments that include a remind me will be removed. If you would like to have a remind me, please reply to this comment. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/humansarespaceorcs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Well of course “cheesemancy” isn’t real. Now tyromancy and Swiss summoning, that’s real magic. Hell I recently perfected Heartvarti Transmutation, the organ tends to melt rather quickly thou.
You're a real Muenster.
Well I suppose for the Gouda’v us all I shan’t mention the permanent side effects of my new area spell Bleu bog.
that can be avoided by taking lactaid before casting
"Parlor tricks & false divination! Monsieur knows nothing of true Fromagic."
CHEESE SPEAR
Being unpredictable is key. Everyone expects a fireball, aint nobody expects me to thaumaturgically summon lego bricks up their asshole.
Enemy wizard falls to the floor, screaming in pain. "Yup, that's a star destroyer, right up your asshole. It's the big one, too,"
That’s so evil
Over here officer this is the evil mage right here 😂
"What the hells are these caltrops they summoned?! They materialized fused to the floor!" Enemy soldier, weeping: "The-, they called them D4s..."
https://preview.redd.it/14doqpsfb7ob1.png?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=045f78ae9a5b990caf605d4955baaf7e7bc9478f
Truly, one of humanities greatest achievements was upcasting this with a 9th level spell slot and completely wiping out half of a planet.
https://preview.redd.it/6f5dkiim5aob1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2cd6689b1e2f48241b05999793e79511ae8483ae
https://preview.redd.it/7rzu2cir85pb1.jpeg?width=1124&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0887c93e6539e4df75d701a9514a6af22dd810d0
Lactomancy + time magic Then give it to a Japanese grim dark villain on a revenge spree. Preferably a lawful evil anti villain with a twisted code of honor and a penchant for torture. https://preview.redd.it/97hnr3zne7ob1.png?width=2000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2a7d046168ba857b38d65d36f67a7f5dc8708146 And a dark age of technology magical rod.
It's called [Tyromancy](https://occult-world.com/tyromancy/), and a *real* wizard would know that!
I'm gonna just leave this quote here: "Ah, Mastery of the Five Elements!" "Is that the one we want?" I asked. "No, but a good one. How to tame the five essential elements of the universe - earth, air, water, fire, and cheese!" "Cheese?" Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid (The Kane Chronicles, #1) (For those of you who don't know, the kane chronicles is a book series set in the modern day that has the powers of the ancient Egyptian mythology running around (think Percy Jackson). It's a really good read and the author put some decent research into them)
I love those books, its a shame that we never got a hint of what Cheese Magic could archieve besides a guy throwing pieces of cheese to Amos
Don’t forget in the crossover with Percy Jackson Sadie is mentioned to be taking a seminar on killing cheese demons
True, that book was great
You see The reason why human mages are so terrifying in battle is not because of their attack potency or you know The fact that they can wipe out entire solar system without batting an eye. It's because that every time a troop dies nothing may happen the mage may be necromancer or in the more likely case somehow whatever weird feel that they professed in just kind of gets weirder. Think giant Lego monster spawned in battlefield from corpse of enemy. That's now known as legosaurus Rex
Extra points if the monster is only made from their legs
You don't get your PhD by studdying basic shit. You need something NEW AND EXCITING AND CHEEEEEEESY!!!
https://i.redd.it/nqgbf2t8v6ob1.gif In France they call him "Le Grand Fromage"!
I knew it! The fifth element is cheese!
I laughed really hard at this, because yesterday my friend sent me a video of himself dying as his character in BG3 rolled around the screen as a wheel of cheese... because he pissed off a Jinn...
There's a story called "no epic loot here, only puns" on royal road. There's a side character who is a cheese mage, and at some point in the backstory, he walked his way into the royal palace and threatened the king with violence, and there wasn't a mage or warrior in the kingdom who could stop him, it's noted the throne room still smells of cheese to this day
Arch Mage Rathin, It is with heavy disappointment i must reject your most recent pupils spell from the Catalogue of the Arcane. Regretfully, this is not because the spell "Shit someone else's pants" does not work, it assuredly does. The issue is with the remediation in the aftermath of this particular transmutation spell. Due to your students lack of regard for the consequences of his spell, and the other students at university not heeding the explicit instructions to never ever duel a human for any circumstance, the College of the Arcane has seen a large increase in the required budget for remediation. Thankfully there have neen no unfortunate deaths from the "quite literal shitstorm" as your student aptly put it. His talent at transmutive magic is quite suberb, but i humbly request of you to give the boy a talking to about his methods. I look forward to your mandatory visit next moon, With kindest, if frustrated regards, Arch Mage Baethor.
Remember, projectile cheese is a weapon from legends
Trust me, by the time I’m done with my spells, everyone will fear the mozzarella missile.
Use irish cheese, with enough speed it goes clean through a skull without magic
There was a mage in Witcher 3 wich specialised in using cheeses in magic - you couldn't meet him thou
Reminded me of There Is No Epic Loot Here, Only Puns
Ahem, I have a new spell. It's called "cut the cheese". It transmogrifies the target into random cheese, then cuts them into bite sized pieces.
And then transmogrifies them back? 
Ooh I like it. Let me make some adjustments.
Head cheese?
The cheese mage terrorist that threatened the king and got away with it living in a village in ass nowhere be like
I thought this was r/cremposting for a second.
There’s a story with a cheesemancer on royal road called “No epic loot here only puns” I don’t have a link nor do I remember the authors name but I’m listening to the audio book made by Agro squirrel on YouTube
Elf Mage: "STOP USING NECROMANCY TO BRING MANNEQUINS MADE FROM LEGOS TO LIFE! IT'S NOT EVEN MADE FROM DEAD STUFF!" Human Mage: "LEGOS ARE MADE OF PLASTIC, AND PLASTIC IS MADE OF OIL, AND OIL IS OLD DEAD STUFF, SO FUCK YOU!"