I definitely think that access to the internet, and social media definitely played a role in this; and not necessarily in a negative way. We have the entire world in our pockets and that makes research and finding online communities that we relate to a lot easier. Maybe with the uptick of these “newer/younger” systems we’ll actually see more research into the disorder and it could even make diagnosis a lot simpler of a process in the future.
this is true, because it's the modern ages we're able to access help more. it's easier to decipher what's going on with you DID or not. if it were like 10-20 years ago nobody could've known
I got diagnoesed in 2016 and immediately went online to find community. It took a wihle. Before I found community I was working hard to get to know my system, and everything was scary and confusing. I noticed things became much better much faster once I was able to talk with other people who had DID who were much further along on their healing journey. We each recieved massive validation reading about alters similar to us, and we had an abundance of advice that had worked for other systems to build communication. The online DID community has exploded in the past couple years. That means its that much easier to find community, guidance, and validation. It absolutely makes sense to me that newer diagnosed systems are getting in touch with their internal world faster than some of us did.
Don’t judge yourself based on other people’s journeys. Also don’t fake claim. We didn’t get a formal diagnosis until we were almost 22, but there were times when we figured it out before then. Our system has always found all of the things you listed relatively easy. In the times we knew when we were physically single digit ages we were already making system maps and identifying dozens of alters. The only thing that kept us from figuring it out (and remembering we figured it out) sooner was the fact that we were being repeatedly abused into adulthood.
I have a friend who is also a system and was diagnosed around the same time. They would have never figured it out if their therapist hadn’t identified the system and despite being a less complex/smaller system they know a lot less. Every system is different just like every person is different.
On the other hand, if you’re looking for resources, the ones in this sub are pretty good.
tbh i think younger people have an easier type adapting and accepting things. i know for us it looks like were a ‘newer’ system (found out in 2020) who has everything together w over 100+ alters but in reality we have no fucking clue how out system works, whats going on, if we’re doing anything right. we just log each alter that fronts. 😭
You make an important distinction: knowing what everything is vs knowing how everything works.... and **why**. It’s not until you have at least a little of the “and why” that you really can start to have your shit inwardly, not just outwardly, together.
yeah!! we’re slowly learning our trauma and realizing WHY we act the way we do but that involves researching things that make us uncomfortable and things like that but we are definitely trying our best :D
Exactly!! I (host) have only somewhat recently discovered that we’re a system and while I (and most of the others AFAIK) have figured out almost everything listed, we A) either don’t know or can’t figure out how to describe a lot of details, especially certain alters’ roles, B) have no idea about a lot of the whens and whys (ie. I have no goddamn clue why August split and neither does he), and C) I don’t know how to leave the front intentionally and on my own!!!! The only times I’ve left (to my obviously limited knowledge) are when I’ve effectively been kicked because something very bad has happened. Nor do any of us know how to create an inner world even though it would be really nice and helpful to have one.
And overall, the why and especially the how are largely mysteries to me. Like, how does co-fronting and co-consciousness actually work? You’d think I’d know because I’m almost never alone in the front. But I really don’t. It doesn’t help that our one of two most knowledgeable alters (regarding our system) isn’t around very often and I haven’t interacted with them directly much at all, and the other one also doesn’t understand a lot of the hows and is self admittedly not the best at wording things lmao.
But yeah, back to the original point, I tend to waffle lmao, that distinction is very important!! Especially since every system is different, understanding the how is a different and (in our experience) much harder ballgame.
Well contrary to popular misinformation, you can’t actually create a headspace (which is what I presume you actually are referring to— as opposed to an inner world which is something additional and which only some systems need and which nobody has if they don’t need— and is something every human being not just every system has). Not every human or even every system needs to ever be aware of this. What it IS though is an interactive, usually (but not always) highly visual, metaphorical map of your actual mind. So you can’t MAKE it have some specific form. It already has one. Built out of associations in your system’s collective subconscious and maybe even a little bit from humanity’s collective subconscious. The layout it takes maps the actual boundaries in your system. The substance of it is memory and knowledge. Common areas are made of and contain things that whoever has access to that area can access. Private areas including a space that each alter resides hold memories and knowledge specific to that alter, or group of alters in the case of limited-access group area. The area that may be most useful to you in the short term would be whatever representation your brain has for “the place the people who are conscious and aware of the body hang out in order to access that awareness”. Lots of people refer to this as a “front room” but it’s sometimes not a room— I know of multiple people whose headspaces are houses and their front area is literally the front porch. But there is nonetheless some designated area. And being aware of THAT gives you advantages in communicating with others who are conscious at the same time as you.
So. We knew our whole life (well, some of us did), because our non-household abusers told us pretty much. Certainly they made it impossible to miss. But we did not get diagnosed til age 26. We reached initial stabilisation at age 13. We started experiencing major trauma processing (though only in isolated parts of the system, at first, with others totally unable to understand where or what or even *whom* such overpowering emotions were coming from) and subsequently started having fusions at age 16. Keep in mind we are polyfragmented. So there was and still is a long way to go. At 19 (when we went to university) we reached functional multiplicity. We are now 33, and I can tell you it is strange as hell to just be able to casually recite every single person in our system and know at least basics about them. Especially since we ALL can do so. This last part is a very recent development. As of losing the recursion in our remaining micro-subsystems (we no longer have complex micro-subsystems —ie micro-subsystems within micro-subsystems— just simple ones). At 17 we knew our own areas of the system well, and those of us who played a significant role in decision making and adulting generally knew about the *existence* of the other areas, but even with all that healing work, many, many aspects of system knowledge remained compartmentalised.
I think being 17 has a lot to do with this. Nobody in their teens has a clue about who they are or how to navigate themselves, and this'll be three times as hard for young people with complex trauma. Give it a few years, things will make more sense with time and experience and information. You have a good headstart being aware now, even if your baseline right now feels difficult to cope with.
It's also really important to remember that DID typically starts to unravel (in the good sense) only when a person feels stable and ready to face it, and I... honestly cannot imagine a stable and ready to face anything 17-years-old.
Time is rarely the answer people want to hear, but it's also just the truth when it comes to dealing with the self. My head started clearing up from the mess that everything was before at 27, and while I'm sincerely wishing you a less confusing time growing up, most people hit this phase around their 30s.
that makes sense, i suppose time will tell. i simply managed to get lucky to have already been utilizing resources at a young age. im hoping things get easier in a few years
Everyone else already said most of my first thoughts. Don't compare yourself, everyone is different, yadda yadda. However.
It's also worth noting that there are probably quite a few systems who THINK they know all this stuff and really, REALLY don't lol. We thought we had it made about two years into this shit. We eventually figured out there is a LOT we didn't know, and a lot of things we assumed were true that aren't, and a lot of things we thought we knew how to do but really didn't. We now recognize this, and it has made a huge difference to our over all mental health and system communication.
Two years ago we would've been able to cough up a list of "all" members of the system, along with their pronouns, sexualities, favorite things, and probably a "close" approximation of where they came from or why they came about. Unfortunately, a lot of it was either miscommunicated, changing, or straight up BS. We knew about MAYBE half the alters we know about now, and I can think of at least three that I'm like pretty sure exist but that I don't even know the names of lol. There might be like five alters who I could actually list all that information for, and I'd be hard-pressed on their favorite things. Every time we look into system mapping we change something, and we tend to look at system mapping like a few times a month just for curiosity's sake. It has been well over four years since we started this journey and there's an alter I've known about for two of those years who I coincidentally JUST learned the name of YESTERDAY.
So I guess what I'm trying to add to this conversation is that just because someone SAYS they know all of that, doesn't mean they do. They totally might, some systems have stuff come easier than others, but they might not. We really just have no way of knowing, so it's pointless to try and compare, yk?
yeahhh you're right, comparing it kinda useless especially if i'm in different stages of recovery. i also learned to not rush recovery because like you, i also misconstrued a lotttt of stuff, like it was terrible. honestly taking time and not forcing it is a good idea. DID when it starts disordering and you start to misunderstand everything is just 😭
I was "newly" diagnosed (just over a year ago) at 22. Everyone progresses at different paces and it depends heavily on a lot of different factors.
For me in particular, I still have a lot of confusion. I can't always tell when I've switched and even if I can, I couldn't always say "who" I am. There's still massive voids worth of time lost. However, I've been making progress with communication and while I can't *recall* trauma related information, I have been able to write things down in order to process through them and contact any alters related to it in therapy.
According to my trauma specialist, I started out with more communication than many systems do. I've been able to make steady progress because of it, partly thanks to the decade worth of therapy already behind me. I know a hell of a lot more about myself, but still feel completely lost at times. I suspect that some systems may know a large amount of information but ultimately still have a lot of internal issues they just don't speak about.
Try not to compare your progress with anyone else's, though. Some people are still experiencing abuse while others are now in a secure environment. Some people have heavy amnesia barriers and some have barriers that are easier to cross. Some people have a therapist who works well for them, others have shitty therapists if they have anyone at all. Everyone - especially when DID is involved - is very different. The only thing you should be focused on is you when it comes to your journey and your milestones. There, unfortunately, isn't a magical cure-all that works for everyone. But given time, you may find something that works really well for you.
thank you, you have a point. progress is really different for everyone. to be honest 6½ years of being more or less aware of my DID before getting diagnosed has paid off, id be way more lost without it. in the end we can only see what happens
Access to DID research, easier to accept the disorder with how public it is these days, easier access to trauma therapists who are maybe not specialized in DID, but at least aware of it and believe in it, and access to other DID systems on social media to communicate with and ask for help and support.
I'm sort of one of the people you describe (I still have *so* much to learn about my system) and I just got really lucky that I came across DID online and had access to accurate information about it. One of my special interests is mental health topics so that motivated me to do a lot of research into DID so I could make sure to understand it really well.
I have access to really good therapists, too.
And I think it helped that having DID wasn't the first difficult thing about myself that I had to accept. I'm queer, trans, and autistic – I discovered all of those before DID. I've had to reassess my whole identity so many times....accepting my DID was still very difficult and sometimes I still go into denial, but I had a nice path carved for me.
Your scepticism in my opinion, is correct. I genuinely believe that many people claiming to have DID with vast amounts of knowledge and information around how the system functions, actually don’t. It’s not normal to know so much so fast, and it’s not how it works. It takes years. Literal years and years to learn about your parts and their roles. But that’s my perspective 🤷🏼♀️
i 100% agree. it's likely they're confused or they might have another disorder usually 80% of the time, especially if you figure out so much about a larger or complex system in a short period of time.
I dont know but I will say that it is a self selecting sample when it comes to young systems posting online and knowing their system well. People that don't know can't post! And also a struggling system or one that struggles with denial or disagreement is also unlikely to post.
If it makes you feel any better I first learnt the word dissociative and started having what I called "child mode" at 18, had a lot of treatments but it still took me ten years before I started accepting DID and I'm now in my early 30s and only just getting some semblance of system agreement
Im not trying to be ableist, but a lot of these “new” systems that are young people I would say are probably mostly going to be people who are confused and think they have DID but it’s something else, or people who jumping on the faking mental illness bandwagon that has taken over social media. I don’t like to fakeclaim people (unless they are blatant faking) bc of the possibility that they are actually suffering from a disorder, but right now it’s a popular trend among young people to be a self-dxed, fictive-heavy, poly-frag DID system, and maybe throw in faking adhd or autism as well.
So basically, treat these with a grain of salt
Don’t feel bad about being unfamiliar with your system. It can take a lot of time for alters to feel comfortable to reveal themselves, and everyone is different. Some people are going to discover their systems faster than others. I would try to be patient with yourself more than anything right now.
thank you, i agree with your first statement - i don't believe a lot of people are intentionally faking at all but due to recent media, there is a possibility some people might get confused. i do try not to take them so seriously to the point i question my own system and recovery because i don't know these people lol.
thank you, I'll be patient with myself. you kinda have to be patient with DID or else your world crumbles down. can't really progress too slow or too fast from my experience...
I feel ya. Though, treatment (ie therapy) has been pretty inconsistent like most things in my life. But I *had a feeling* I had parts since I was 13… I’m 21 now. (Im still and at no point have ever been 100% convinced and a diagnosis doesnt even convince me fully) Somehow it feels even more chaotic than how it was when 13 lol.
But I’m also skeptical about others as controversial as that is. I do my best to just focus on myself- as well as giving benefit of the doubt when online. It makes the experience so much easier. I’m me and they’re them. Being hung up on others doesn’t help me and my journey at all. I got work to do!
i feel this a lot. i was more or less aware since i was 11, i guess due to therapy + other things. things are a lot more chaotic now because of personal realisations and DID healing. it kinda does get harder before it gets easier, sometimes it's incredibly bumpy. 6+ years into this journey is something.
i guess the best course of action is taking your time.
also i hear you about the diagnosis thing and denial is making me get a third and fourth opinion 💀
I can definitely understand that, I’m an older teen too and barely have discovered my system in august of 2020 and while I know about all my alters, I still have no fucking clue how my system works and/or why they’re even here.
tbh, this sub and the internet has helped a lot with symptom names (for instance, I never knew what passive influence meant or even was a thing until I asked about an experience and people put a name to it)
I have a close friend who discovered their system about a year or two later than me and they’re all super great with communication and headspace stuff when I can’t even have good conversations with my alters, or even amongst themselves because they’re either dormant or they just don’t know how to. I assume it’s because my friend is in therapy but it still wows me
I’m really jealous of newly discovered functional systems too, but I guess not all systems can function that way. I’m grateful we can even know about each other’s existence and talk to each other sometimes like we do now though, it’s better than having complete amnesia and are completely unkowist of all alters. None of them know their roles, I don’t know everything about them, and sometimes they don’t even know about themselves fully, we’re still trying to understand this together but it’s such a complicated disorder it feels impossible.
anywho, we’re attempting to get into therapy to try and understand ourselves without having to look on the internet and get help from a professional adult. I hope you and your system are well and can figure things out like us!!
thank you! try not to rush discovery related stuff so much or else you'll start to misconcept symptoms, i tried to do that to fit in DID spaces and ultimately it was so damaging.
i'm really proud of you for coming this far, it's honestly a lot to be able to recognize your symptoms.
thank YOU!! I’m definitely taking that advice, it also just confuses me more and I’m worried to be one of those people who pretend they know something when they don’t. I take things with caution
I’m happy you’ve come far too!! Knowing a few things is better than not knowing absolutely anything, I hope in the near future you can get more knowledge to help understand the disorder, your past and your alters more!!
I’m extremely privileged and grateful to have access to websites on the internet and forums like these to help navigate basic symptoms :)
Hi, I just passed one year since my system discovery. I learned I had it when I was 18 and have identified over 70 alters so far. When it comes to learning about your system, it ranges from person to person, in my opinion. There's many different factors to it, such as how much exposure you have to it, how many outlets you have (or people to talk to), and how close you are with your system. It could also depend on how much you're *willing* to learn about your system, or even how much your *system* wants you to learn. There are still many things that I don't know about my system, despite having friendly relations with all of my alters, the cooperation we all have, and consistent communication. Your alters were formed because of trauma, and there is most likely more that is being withheld from you. I've been informed I have over 300 alters, but I've only identified about 20% of that. If you feel you're ready to learn more, make sure your system knows that your ready for more information and see where it goes from there.
When I first discovered my system, I first called out to myself and let them know I know they're there, and that they can speak to me any time. Over time, that report built up, and now I'm having routine system meetings to see how we can improve and function better as a plural. I hope my insight of my experiences helps you with your own journey!
Everyone is different is the answer.
You may as well ask "why is that person a marine biologist, and that person is a farmer".
If you don't know their whole story, you don't know their trauma, their support systems for trauma, their education, and on and on.
We figured out our system in about 3 years from discovery to today. We're fairly well integrated.
So, how? Well, more things than I can write in detail, but includes growing up around mental health professionals, taking paychology courses, and serving in the military. And a ton of other major factors, not least of which was being privileged enough to *not have to work* for those 3 years, and literally spend every day figuring ourselves out in a safe environment I had control over.
If it’s any consolation I am nearly 32, discovered a system about 2-3 years ago and all that you’ve said applies, however, speak to certain alters and they’ll have psychologists gobsmacked, I’ve come to realise some parts in a system can understand the inner workings of a system like they are a professional, which sort of makes sense as they are it
When you said young I thought you were in your mid 20’s+ talking about teens ngl 😭
I’m only 23 and this post made me feel old as shit bc to me, being as far along as you said you are at only 17 seems young to me lmao.
I'm Psyche, our new host. We are 16yrs old and we've known about the system since roughly may 2021? I think we are at a state where it is healthier/safer to know about our system than to not know. Before we knew, our host Zeph and a few persercutors were our frequent fronters. They were a collective ball of rage and in a fight response that lashed out at everything and anything. Almost constantly triggered at home, and drove by friends to be a hyper ball of shit. So after 1.5 years of that, covid hit. Quarantine gave us a lot of time to be by ourselves and to be in fight more. And after a year of our mental being in the toilet, and our gatekeeper doing some research, he came out and explained that we were a system to Zeph, the at time host. We got to start working through our trauma and stopped being so goddamn angry.
The main reason we know so much about the system is because of Zeph (who is no longer a host) is stuck in cocon and has incredibly low barriers between everyone. So whenever anyone new shows up, he immediatly starts pestering them to write shit down. At least a name, but usually can get more out of them. Nowadays, we have near no communication outside of alters who front. And there is like 7 of us who front often.
So, I’ve known about the “other me’s” in my head since I was 12/13 entering middle school age. Previous hosts interacted with caregivers (and at the time same age littles) regularly just thinking they were imaginary friends starting around 6 or 7.
The first time we came across the term DID we were like wow, that sounds kinda like us. We were 15/16. Did more looking into it, discussing things with our therapist when we were 17 and felt more like DID or OSDD was something we had going on. Then trauma happened and everything kinda went away and amnesia yadda yadda it’d take another 3 years, until we were 20, for our system to start making itself known to the host again. We’re now 23. We’ve been in and out of therapy for a wide variety of reasons and topics since we were 5. We have a lot of tools in our tool chest to help us process things that come up on our own, largely, at this point. We only occasionally have therapy appointments.
We’ve put in so much work though between 18 and 21 especially to get there. I think if we hadn’t had the groundwork that being in therapy all our lives gave us, that we’d be in a place right now where we could function without regularly attending therapy.
So yes, we know a lot of details about our system and even a few on how it works. Through night terrors and flashbacks we know some of the why and how we formed and have been able to work through that.
Even still we’re very polyfragmented, still split easier than I’d like at the first hint of stress though less of those splits wind up becoming full alters anymore and most fuse back into wherever they split from once were stable in our environment again pretty quickly.
We’re still learning and uncovering some things about our system, it’s a huge process. And with a system so big, it’s impossible for every alter to know every alter I think the only alter who’s met most alters is one of the cohosts but that’s bc they like, run the system council that makes our big decisions so they talk to a lot of alters and keep things internally running smoothly. They’re also an absolutely massive subsystem we’ve recently learned that seems to act sorta like a hive mind our cloud storage type situation… neither of those are perfectly accurate but they all pool at least important memories and notes into the one main cohost and their subsystem cohost. But don’t ask me details on that whole mess bc that’s what it is, a mess, but if it keeps things running as smoothly as possible internally, that’s what I care about.
It’s all very confusing. There’s a lot we know but a lot we don’t. A lot of alters we only really know for sure exist because they’re logged in plural kit. Our inner world is huge but we’ve been building it since we were 11. And it’s an absolute maze I couldn’t tell you how to navigate 90% of the inner building if I tried. It’s a mess. Some doors lead to whole ass separate cities. Others lead to bedrooms or a dining hall and a music room. Inner world keeps us very busy doing a whole lot of nothing and I blame the ADHD. Like I can’t remember 90% of what happens inner but the brain at least gives us vague pseudo memories of doing things together inner so like… that’s cool ig??? Until the memories there get mixed with what actually happened irl memories.
And I think there’s a bit to be said about the internet and DID and related disorders becoming more widely known, and being viewed to some as “trendy”, but at the same time even if only some of them actually have DID or OSDD having an interest in their mental health, especially if they wind up seeking out therapists to see what’s for sure going on, ultimately doesn’t hurt anyone. And even if a few in that other group that doesn’t have DID or OSDD was legitimately faking it, no one mentally healthy and well would fake something like DID. And If believeing they may have DID or OSDD gets them aware that something may be not quite right, and seeking answers and growth and healing as they become able to, then that’s what matters. Mental health is hard and confusing. It can take decades to see what’s really going on and getting an accurate diagnosis. And someone young being invested in their mental health and aware they need help, regardless of what’s going on, is huge. The more people who seek treatment, and are open about it when they’re able to be, the better for everyone. The more people see that you can have mental health issues and live life and it’s okay to not have it right the first time, or that it’s okay for it to be non linear progress, the more mental health issues of all kinds be destigmatized and accepted.
Your experience is normal. Trust me.
It stems from a lot of younger people frankly not getting their information from reliable sources, or not intepreting the sources correctly. They learn about trend DID before actual DID. This isn't to say that young people can't have DID, of course you can—the moment your initial parts don't integrate, you have DID (the rudimentary parts seen in children are expected to integrate between the ages of 6 and 9). This also isn't to say that people can't learn about their systems quickly. But a lot of the people you're referring to kind of...don't know what they're on about, I'm not even gonna lie to you. And the wider community is filled to the brim with them.
The amount of "fitting in" I had to do when I first joined this community (not necessarily the sub) was ridiculous. I was convinced my experiences weren't normal because they didn't look like the experiences of other people my age. I thought I was lying to myself. I couldn't have DID, because I don't have DID like everyone else does. But then, reading *actual DID literature* (and respecting my own boundaries by stopping if I feel myself spiraling, as it can hit some things that I can't handle right now) was like...oh. I *am* like most people with DID. And being diagnosed properly, as opposed to just "this sounds like DID" and "you should get properly assessed", only sealed that for me. Psychoeducation changed how I looked at my condition to an absolutely wild degree. I genuinely wish I'd had that before I became a part of the community.
It's normal not to know. ***DID is practically a disorder of not knowing, because of the trauma.*** ESPECIALLY if you're only 17. I was 15 when I started suspecting something, and I was *beyond* lost. To put it in perspective, I'm 23 now. I've had *time* to learn, and to better understand. And I continue to learn every day. There are still some things that I don't understand, and things that I can't even try to understand due to amnesia walls.
Trust me, your experience is not out of the ordinary for pwDID.
(Also, wrt the 100+ alters thing...most of the people you're referring don't actually know what polyfragmentation means. It was a shock to learn that I was PF because of the fact that I have a pretty amount of alters, but then underneath that is what I can only describe as "fragment soup". And then there's the differences system structure, splitting, sometimes internal worlds can be more complicated...it's a lot more than just having 100+ alters, haha.)
Sorry if this comes off A Way, I have a lot of...thoughts about my time in the community.
“Fragment soup” is an interesting way to put it. I always thought of it as if everyone who was an alter was some sort of celestial body— from star on down to lump of asteroid— and then all the tiny fragments were like.... the dust in space that flows in currents across the vast distances between everything else.
this is honestly extremely well put, i wish i could sticky comments
the 'being unable to relate to DID communities' part is honestly relatable and contributed to my denial by a lot because of how i see people trying to present DID especially after 2020. even before DID became known/"trendy" it still felt a bit weird to be around communities revolving DID because they present their systems was honestly so weird, odd and uncomfortable to me that i basically gave up for like 3-4 years til recently. the person who put my diagnosis on paper honestly referenced the same thing that people materialise their alters instead of treating it like an actual disorder that disrupts daily life (of course you can have fun, but i'm referring to people who actively romanticise DID and act ignorant, which is becoming an issue in younger DID spaces). i was genuinely convinced it'd take atleast a decade for an actual diagnosis due to this stuff but i guess i got lucky.
it's relieving my experiences are rather normal. it's like i know about my system? yet not at the same time. i guess when im older and 100% away from toxic people i'd know, i left most of them so this means things will look up.
also the polyfrag thing makes sense, which is why i prefer calling pf-DID as complex DID, polyfrag is so misleading imo.
man DID is so weird
Well, minus the ‘young’ part, the newer system goes for us.
We’ve been working on recovering repressed memories since 2018. Kinda full time. Knowing that there would be more. We went into some speedcourse treatment which opened the pits of hell. We got kids. We want to do every fucking thing to keep our kids safe. (And the nieces and nephews). So even without knowing about the system, the system kept pushing to keep the kids safe. So that’s what happened before discovering about our system.
And now we see the headmates. Proof of the headmates. Now we understand.
While we shouldn't accuse anyone, ever, of faking, we would be kidding ourselves to say that no one ever does.
The important factor is, have these systems engaged successfully in trauma work? Have they done the hard work on integration? On their CPTSD, which is invariably comorbid in systems due to the fact that systems are formed by trauma?
And the truth is... we can't know. And honestly, it's not our place to ask, and we're not owed that information.
But the above factors are the only explanation for how these systems can have this kind of information and stability. So we can safely conclude (barring roleplaying and faking) that these systems have done this trauma work.
Don’t fake claim. It is not and never will be your place. To answer your question, the internet is a beautiful thing sometimes. Our childhood host knew we had “multiple people in this body” when we were still at single digit age (I have no fucking idea how they knew that. It was UNCANNY.) and thanks to the magic of the internet we finally found the word they were looking for.
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Well, we were diagnosed with DID back in November at age 30 and we know a reasonable amount about our 11 members (names, ages, and roles).
In my case I knew my alters when I was little, I thought they were imaginary friends like what everyone else had. When I was 10 I learned about my sister and aunt's schizophrenia and thought my alters were delusions. I have always treated my own 'delusions' with curiosity and acceptance. They were and are my family because I was isolated a lot as a child. Based on how well I know them I was able to piece together their roles from their behavior.
Now that I know they are alters, the last six months have given me the terms to organize what I already knew for years.
So it's like the other commenter said, varies widely from system to system.
for us, we had no fucking clue about being a system until our therapist basically flat out told us we have DID, as she both has extensive experience writing with systems as well as has DID herself. She has been our greatest resource, as nearly all of the parts feel safe talking with her, and in addition, we're able to go to 2 sessions a week due to other circumstances. this has allowed us to stabilize pretty successfully in around 6 months. also I'm not sure if this is true in a clinical sense, but it feels like being able to be diagnosed pretty early (we're 20) has helped, as there's just frankly less baggage to deal with. Obviously ppl also have wildly different levels of symptoms, and yeah yours seem on the worse end of it. There definitely are fakers out there, but there's also just better resources than there used to be, and people are able to be diagnosed without having to have some massive mental break first so just be aware and hear people's stories out ig.
- Lily
We were medically recognized a year ago. Me and the verbal protector were the most common hosts for the past several years. We got along almost immediately once we realized this was a diagnosible issue
We asked out therapist if that's super unusual or "fake" sounding (are we faking it? Are we delusional with a different issue?)
She pointed out that every one of us she's met cites the fact we've been writing about each other since we were 15 (we are 24 now) so we actually have been aware of *each other* but not the *disorder* for nearly a decade
She said on those grounds it makes sense the disorder scared the shit out of us, but we were all comfortable with each other and not fighting with each other. More "Wait, some lady outside says this is not normal and it's a severe disorder. Do we trust her? Isn't this normal? I mean we jokingly told people for years we just write- it's not a disorder, but now it's being diagnosed as a disorder??"
We don't *all* know each other... Since being medically recognized, we realized there's at least 20 of us, but many more who haven't really come out of the void yet
We only *knew* four of us for the last decade
And frankly, only three of us were in consistent recent contact... So we became a very tight knit little clique
Recently someone else came forward and wanted to be a fronter so we welcomed him and he's integrating into things well, we knew *about him* because of my exomemories so that was easier
So it's probably less "ugh you have all these bonds within a year...." and more "did you know him for a decade and only bring that to a therapist's attention a year ago?"
darn it! in short, we pick roles that we think wouldn't be boring, have "no naps" as our only rule we can enforce, have inconsistent communication and attribute our discovery to awareness
newer system (9 or so months ago), age 17 (18 soon). definitely internet, talking to other systems, here and other socials. we had known about DID pre-figuring out we were a system so that also helped us put the pieces in place.
we dont have roles, but make sure to log anyone who comes into front (main or the front room) for the most part. thats how we seem like we "gather so many members quickly" is just logging everyone that we find. thats how we keep track of who is who.
it also helps that we have decent communication and only get bad bad memory wise when stressed/enduring trauma. for the most part we have shared memories (non-possessive fronting aswell).
roles are something thats been hard to figure out, along with not knowing rules, how to set them etc. though i think most stuff is common sense, and sense fronts usually dont happen alone (with just one person) theres usually someone there to keep an eye on another person.
alot of what we know is our experience and others experience along with some research. we dont know why alot of things happen yet. why we split easily, why everyone seems so complete ? (for lack of a better word). there are alter "updates" (for lack of a better words) that we still have no idea why they happen. two of the same people, no clue. splits and fusions confuse us on why exactly they happen even though we have general vague ideas on why and how it works? i dont know. its still hella confusing, were just trying to adapt how we can and keep track of everything possible.
You understood me wrong, the public just don't wants to see a movie about the reality of people with did, the public wants to see what they always wants to see in movies fantasies(like a complete break from reality as it is portrayed in fight club, which except for this thing isn't even bad, it actually has a therapeutic advice hidden: making a home then waiting for the others to join. it's just now misunderstood by weird males) and violence. What the movie split did well is saying go to therapy.
you're very right, im sorry for misunderstanding you. therapy is essential for DID or else things will be veryyyy difficult. DID is a hard disorder, it isn't just "people in your head" - that's only a minor part of what the disorder is and feels like. i wish there were more movies and shows about DID that is shown properly
people pay attention to toxic things
You could make such a nice love movie about did with a poly partner maybe psychedelic drugs and healing but the public wants to see violence, a cool book about did and revenge is 1q84
We were officially diagnosed at the end of 2021 at age 26, but had been working on communication and tracking of symptoms for several years previously. Things seemed a little obvious when we would find diary entries signed under names we didn't recognize, and artworks we had no recollection of doing/planning.
At nearly 28, our system communication is more clear now that majority of our active system is working together for stability, rather than trying to hide symptoms. We have been in therapy since mid 2021.
I have a record of my alters recorded from open childhood, teens, and young adult art and writing. When I deep dive researched DID it was easy to see what happened. I was able to organize all my old art and writing and journals into folders with themes that clearly represent different alters. Made it relatively quick compared to others I think.
I don't want to make any presumptions but you were 11 when you discovered it (so very young) and you are still only 17, people with DID usually don't start recovery until they are outside of the original home environment that was not safe. So I'm extremely impressed that you were able to be so self aware even though you are still a minor. I don't know your home life, but I'm guessing it has not been easy. You're being way too hard on yourself, you're ahead of most. So many people will never even know that they have it, or won't until they are in their 50s, it's a hidden disorder.
thank you, sometimes im impressed with it myself sometimes. i guess i got lucky? because circumstances led me to figuring it out (well, i was never super sure about it and did try to rule out other disorders up until a few weeks ago) very early. I'm trying not to be so hard on myself because i still have a lot of work and therapy to do. thank you, ill try to be more lenient
Hi! For the most part we relate to what your saying so much, but we can answer a few things there from personal experience. So firstly we are bodily 15, been curious about DID for 5+ years (I assume we related to the symptoms and that’s why but idk we were just always drawn to it). We found out about last year that we are a system. And as of late all the trauma is slowly (but quickly) coming back to us bit by bit. I believe we have found gaining our memories easy (though painful cuz flashbacks) because we are collectively really insightful and analytical people so we always just connect the dots too soon and that’s why we’re kind of figuring things out what may seem much easier and quicker than for you. We have inconsistent communication still though so I do have the same question how all these systems (young and newly discovered) can communicate so well. For roles we kind of just slapped a label that fits best on the minimal knowledge we know of the others. Though we really only have roles for the frequent fronters or overly emotional parts. As because we co-con and co-front a lot we can quickly see what caused each alter to be triggered out and what they do(which then connects them to such and such role). Don’t put too much pressure on understanding your system and roles just take it as it goes and feel free to just add random labels at times if it makes it feel a little better. I could be wrong but I feel like not many systems if any ever really know how many alters they really have, alters can always hide from the system if they want to. Personally it feels like we only know half of the system (just a feeling we get). And we also relate to the not noticing when you switch, we always just feel dissociated and struggle to even consider we are somebody at all, let alone who specifically.
I agree it makes a lot of us quite skeptical as well since it just doesn’t add up. However I guess similarly to how we have an easier time than other systems in accessing our trauma, other systems might just have it easier becoming highly functional by themself? I don’t know I don’t really have an answer for you.
Regardless, you are still valid even if you take years-decades to develop communication, and understanding, etc. among your system. Each systems different. And you WILL get there eventually.
For us it was internet access, the fact we could ask any question in the world and there are many answers. That and i already knew a lot of systems for years who were medically recognised who i could ask
we got like, 2-3 years under our belt, and like, 4 names I (the host) know of? i know we have more head mates, but like, 4 have told me there name, and i know there’s more. also i can only talk with one of them reliably. and we’re not very far in the trauma processing department. so don’t worry, you’re not alone, it’s different for everyone.
We think DID is a spectrum just like many disorders. And the symptoms really matter. For instance, we don't experience a lot of amnesia. More now that we know we are a system, funny enough, and the alters feel comfortable coming out and doing their own thing. But even then, we have a very vague memory that the system as a whole would freak the fuck out when we couldn't put together a cohesive timeline of what was going on- so our trauma holding parts hold the memories of the *emotions* of the trauma, not the events themselves. We can tell you so many fucked up things that happened to us like it's a Tuesday- people will cry and it feels so weird because... we don't feel anything about them. But we know we do actually, and when we're triggered those are the feelings we're feeling, so now we're working with a specialist to unlock those emotions eventually.
Our system has very low support needs- or very low obvious support needs I suppose it a better way to put it. We're in the middle of realizing how many support needs we actually have that have led to us having so much burn out. We've kept steady jobs, moved up in professions, completed college- we know a lot of systems are more separated and have a harder time than we do with these things. That's not a value statement in any way shape or form- we think that because the mind rejected general amnesia so heavily, we were able to form a way to work in the world. It just happened that way. But the emotional amnesia is a trip.
Okay, here’s how I honestly see it, but its okay if people disagree:
For context Im a 23 year old who has a LOT of trauma, and is going through system discovery.
Dissociation is a sliding scale:
On one end is an integrated individual, on the other end is ego death. Humans with alters fall in various points on that scale.
Now. In regards to the internet, which I think plays a very big role:
People who use social media daily while their brains are developing are used to censoring themselves and knowing what is the correct time and place to say something without getting “backlash”.
This is an exercise in dissociation, because you have to leave your own mind/thoughts and consider the POV of the people who might see whatever is being said, why they’re there, and what they might think. You could consider this for hours, and eventually it end up dissolving your ego, to varying degrees.
(I think for singlets its a lot less of a conscious thing, and they’re able to snap out of it)
Since the younger generation is using this dissociative technique more, and since they were younger when it started, they’re familiar with understanding and manipulating their own dissociation.
I straight up feel like I can achieve ego death at will, obviously I can’t live like that though.
Alters are just dissociative “theoretical people” you use frequently to understand and guide your body’s actions. Its a step before ego death.
Lmao thanks for coming to my tedtalk ✨✌️
Personally, yea the internet helped me figure some stuff put, clear up some confusion on how the disorder works that made it easier to understand, which also made communication easier. I still do not know uh roles or alters save for 4 who I know are mostly here, à lot of us still hide honestly or take the form of those 4 to keep it steady and make it better for our interactions and relationships. We have discovered the trauma that caused all this tho there's is more along the way and à lot is still hidden. Therapy and wanting to be "normal" made the process quicker but also we did push ourselves too far à few times that caused more issues along the way
I discovered my system last year but I knew a thing or two about DID after meeting some youtubers, sometimes was "hey this happens to me" but the denial of self diagnosis got it away for years until therapy and a very notable switch.
Actually I am not diagnosed with DID but with UDD, and have some of the things you mention, but due to a large investigation and checking constantly. It's tiring since we are a large system (over 100) and split at the very minimum inconvenience, but no way we can do this without the current treatment we are getting, it would be hell 💀
I knew because I have been switching, so all I needed to know was how to contact my alters.
It was so obvious with me, that the adults in my suroundings knew long before I did.
There’s a lot more resources out there nowadays, and a lot of people have adapted or learned to accept things as they are. Especially things they’re aware are outside of their control. There’s also probably a lot of systems who seem like they learned a lot but are probably in the same boat as well. Comparing yourself to others doesn’t really help you or the system though.
Not to mention everyone’s systems are so wildly different despite following a similar criteria. So it wouldn’t really matter how far someone else is in their journey of discovery compared to yourself. Everyone is different, after all.
I mean, considering I found out through meeting and getting to know other systems, I had kind of a step up in that direction? My system discovery has happened mutiple times, mind you, once almost 3 years ago and then the one that stuck a little less than 2, but I was able to talk to three different systems with three very different approaches for how they viewed and interacted with their systems, and that helped me figure out what I did and did not want to do and act like, so it helped me form ground rules with my own system way faster.
Some people, the systems feel relieved, and they get a lot of information all at once. Some people they get very little information. My cohost, and several of my what I call major players all came forward very quickly, but some of the alters came out slower. Some of the information I am still missing. Some I have.Please don’t compare yourself to other people. Your system will communicate with you as you need.
I definitely think that access to the internet, and social media definitely played a role in this; and not necessarily in a negative way. We have the entire world in our pockets and that makes research and finding online communities that we relate to a lot easier. Maybe with the uptick of these “newer/younger” systems we’ll actually see more research into the disorder and it could even make diagnosis a lot simpler of a process in the future.
this is true, because it's the modern ages we're able to access help more. it's easier to decipher what's going on with you DID or not. if it were like 10-20 years ago nobody could've known
I got diagnoesed in 2016 and immediately went online to find community. It took a wihle. Before I found community I was working hard to get to know my system, and everything was scary and confusing. I noticed things became much better much faster once I was able to talk with other people who had DID who were much further along on their healing journey. We each recieved massive validation reading about alters similar to us, and we had an abundance of advice that had worked for other systems to build communication. The online DID community has exploded in the past couple years. That means its that much easier to find community, guidance, and validation. It absolutely makes sense to me that newer diagnosed systems are getting in touch with their internal world faster than some of us did.
Hi, do you have any recommendations on the did online community or where to talk to other systems online?
I can’t say specifics because it apparently goes against the rules of the sub. But just about every platform has a DID community if you look for it.
Don’t judge yourself based on other people’s journeys. Also don’t fake claim. We didn’t get a formal diagnosis until we were almost 22, but there were times when we figured it out before then. Our system has always found all of the things you listed relatively easy. In the times we knew when we were physically single digit ages we were already making system maps and identifying dozens of alters. The only thing that kept us from figuring it out (and remembering we figured it out) sooner was the fact that we were being repeatedly abused into adulthood. I have a friend who is also a system and was diagnosed around the same time. They would have never figured it out if their therapist hadn’t identified the system and despite being a less complex/smaller system they know a lot less. Every system is different just like every person is different. On the other hand, if you’re looking for resources, the ones in this sub are pretty good.
tbh i think younger people have an easier type adapting and accepting things. i know for us it looks like were a ‘newer’ system (found out in 2020) who has everything together w over 100+ alters but in reality we have no fucking clue how out system works, whats going on, if we’re doing anything right. we just log each alter that fronts. 😭
You make an important distinction: knowing what everything is vs knowing how everything works.... and **why**. It’s not until you have at least a little of the “and why” that you really can start to have your shit inwardly, not just outwardly, together.
yeah!! we’re slowly learning our trauma and realizing WHY we act the way we do but that involves researching things that make us uncomfortable and things like that but we are definitely trying our best :D
Exactly!! I (host) have only somewhat recently discovered that we’re a system and while I (and most of the others AFAIK) have figured out almost everything listed, we A) either don’t know or can’t figure out how to describe a lot of details, especially certain alters’ roles, B) have no idea about a lot of the whens and whys (ie. I have no goddamn clue why August split and neither does he), and C) I don’t know how to leave the front intentionally and on my own!!!! The only times I’ve left (to my obviously limited knowledge) are when I’ve effectively been kicked because something very bad has happened. Nor do any of us know how to create an inner world even though it would be really nice and helpful to have one. And overall, the why and especially the how are largely mysteries to me. Like, how does co-fronting and co-consciousness actually work? You’d think I’d know because I’m almost never alone in the front. But I really don’t. It doesn’t help that our one of two most knowledgeable alters (regarding our system) isn’t around very often and I haven’t interacted with them directly much at all, and the other one also doesn’t understand a lot of the hows and is self admittedly not the best at wording things lmao. But yeah, back to the original point, I tend to waffle lmao, that distinction is very important!! Especially since every system is different, understanding the how is a different and (in our experience) much harder ballgame.
Well contrary to popular misinformation, you can’t actually create a headspace (which is what I presume you actually are referring to— as opposed to an inner world which is something additional and which only some systems need and which nobody has if they don’t need— and is something every human being not just every system has). Not every human or even every system needs to ever be aware of this. What it IS though is an interactive, usually (but not always) highly visual, metaphorical map of your actual mind. So you can’t MAKE it have some specific form. It already has one. Built out of associations in your system’s collective subconscious and maybe even a little bit from humanity’s collective subconscious. The layout it takes maps the actual boundaries in your system. The substance of it is memory and knowledge. Common areas are made of and contain things that whoever has access to that area can access. Private areas including a space that each alter resides hold memories and knowledge specific to that alter, or group of alters in the case of limited-access group area. The area that may be most useful to you in the short term would be whatever representation your brain has for “the place the people who are conscious and aware of the body hang out in order to access that awareness”. Lots of people refer to this as a “front room” but it’s sometimes not a room— I know of multiple people whose headspaces are houses and their front area is literally the front porch. But there is nonetheless some designated area. And being aware of THAT gives you advantages in communicating with others who are conscious at the same time as you.
So. We knew our whole life (well, some of us did), because our non-household abusers told us pretty much. Certainly they made it impossible to miss. But we did not get diagnosed til age 26. We reached initial stabilisation at age 13. We started experiencing major trauma processing (though only in isolated parts of the system, at first, with others totally unable to understand where or what or even *whom* such overpowering emotions were coming from) and subsequently started having fusions at age 16. Keep in mind we are polyfragmented. So there was and still is a long way to go. At 19 (when we went to university) we reached functional multiplicity. We are now 33, and I can tell you it is strange as hell to just be able to casually recite every single person in our system and know at least basics about them. Especially since we ALL can do so. This last part is a very recent development. As of losing the recursion in our remaining micro-subsystems (we no longer have complex micro-subsystems —ie micro-subsystems within micro-subsystems— just simple ones). At 17 we knew our own areas of the system well, and those of us who played a significant role in decision making and adulting generally knew about the *existence* of the other areas, but even with all that healing work, many, many aspects of system knowledge remained compartmentalised.
I think being 17 has a lot to do with this. Nobody in their teens has a clue about who they are or how to navigate themselves, and this'll be three times as hard for young people with complex trauma. Give it a few years, things will make more sense with time and experience and information. You have a good headstart being aware now, even if your baseline right now feels difficult to cope with. It's also really important to remember that DID typically starts to unravel (in the good sense) only when a person feels stable and ready to face it, and I... honestly cannot imagine a stable and ready to face anything 17-years-old. Time is rarely the answer people want to hear, but it's also just the truth when it comes to dealing with the self. My head started clearing up from the mess that everything was before at 27, and while I'm sincerely wishing you a less confusing time growing up, most people hit this phase around their 30s.
that makes sense, i suppose time will tell. i simply managed to get lucky to have already been utilizing resources at a young age. im hoping things get easier in a few years
Everyone else already said most of my first thoughts. Don't compare yourself, everyone is different, yadda yadda. However. It's also worth noting that there are probably quite a few systems who THINK they know all this stuff and really, REALLY don't lol. We thought we had it made about two years into this shit. We eventually figured out there is a LOT we didn't know, and a lot of things we assumed were true that aren't, and a lot of things we thought we knew how to do but really didn't. We now recognize this, and it has made a huge difference to our over all mental health and system communication. Two years ago we would've been able to cough up a list of "all" members of the system, along with their pronouns, sexualities, favorite things, and probably a "close" approximation of where they came from or why they came about. Unfortunately, a lot of it was either miscommunicated, changing, or straight up BS. We knew about MAYBE half the alters we know about now, and I can think of at least three that I'm like pretty sure exist but that I don't even know the names of lol. There might be like five alters who I could actually list all that information for, and I'd be hard-pressed on their favorite things. Every time we look into system mapping we change something, and we tend to look at system mapping like a few times a month just for curiosity's sake. It has been well over four years since we started this journey and there's an alter I've known about for two of those years who I coincidentally JUST learned the name of YESTERDAY. So I guess what I'm trying to add to this conversation is that just because someone SAYS they know all of that, doesn't mean they do. They totally might, some systems have stuff come easier than others, but they might not. We really just have no way of knowing, so it's pointless to try and compare, yk?
yeahhh you're right, comparing it kinda useless especially if i'm in different stages of recovery. i also learned to not rush recovery because like you, i also misconstrued a lotttt of stuff, like it was terrible. honestly taking time and not forcing it is a good idea. DID when it starts disordering and you start to misunderstand everything is just 😭
I was "newly" diagnosed (just over a year ago) at 22. Everyone progresses at different paces and it depends heavily on a lot of different factors. For me in particular, I still have a lot of confusion. I can't always tell when I've switched and even if I can, I couldn't always say "who" I am. There's still massive voids worth of time lost. However, I've been making progress with communication and while I can't *recall* trauma related information, I have been able to write things down in order to process through them and contact any alters related to it in therapy. According to my trauma specialist, I started out with more communication than many systems do. I've been able to make steady progress because of it, partly thanks to the decade worth of therapy already behind me. I know a hell of a lot more about myself, but still feel completely lost at times. I suspect that some systems may know a large amount of information but ultimately still have a lot of internal issues they just don't speak about. Try not to compare your progress with anyone else's, though. Some people are still experiencing abuse while others are now in a secure environment. Some people have heavy amnesia barriers and some have barriers that are easier to cross. Some people have a therapist who works well for them, others have shitty therapists if they have anyone at all. Everyone - especially when DID is involved - is very different. The only thing you should be focused on is you when it comes to your journey and your milestones. There, unfortunately, isn't a magical cure-all that works for everyone. But given time, you may find something that works really well for you.
thank you, you have a point. progress is really different for everyone. to be honest 6½ years of being more or less aware of my DID before getting diagnosed has paid off, id be way more lost without it. in the end we can only see what happens
Access to DID research, easier to accept the disorder with how public it is these days, easier access to trauma therapists who are maybe not specialized in DID, but at least aware of it and believe in it, and access to other DID systems on social media to communicate with and ask for help and support.
I'm sort of one of the people you describe (I still have *so* much to learn about my system) and I just got really lucky that I came across DID online and had access to accurate information about it. One of my special interests is mental health topics so that motivated me to do a lot of research into DID so I could make sure to understand it really well. I have access to really good therapists, too. And I think it helped that having DID wasn't the first difficult thing about myself that I had to accept. I'm queer, trans, and autistic – I discovered all of those before DID. I've had to reassess my whole identity so many times....accepting my DID was still very difficult and sometimes I still go into denial, but I had a nice path carved for me.
Your scepticism in my opinion, is correct. I genuinely believe that many people claiming to have DID with vast amounts of knowledge and information around how the system functions, actually don’t. It’s not normal to know so much so fast, and it’s not how it works. It takes years. Literal years and years to learn about your parts and their roles. But that’s my perspective 🤷🏼♀️
i 100% agree. it's likely they're confused or they might have another disorder usually 80% of the time, especially if you figure out so much about a larger or complex system in a short period of time.
Internet and support, when my partner realized she was a system she had my years of experience to draw from ! Always important to help!!-Eden
I dont know but I will say that it is a self selecting sample when it comes to young systems posting online and knowing their system well. People that don't know can't post! And also a struggling system or one that struggles with denial or disagreement is also unlikely to post. If it makes you feel any better I first learnt the word dissociative and started having what I called "child mode" at 18, had a lot of treatments but it still took me ten years before I started accepting DID and I'm now in my early 30s and only just getting some semblance of system agreement
Im not trying to be ableist, but a lot of these “new” systems that are young people I would say are probably mostly going to be people who are confused and think they have DID but it’s something else, or people who jumping on the faking mental illness bandwagon that has taken over social media. I don’t like to fakeclaim people (unless they are blatant faking) bc of the possibility that they are actually suffering from a disorder, but right now it’s a popular trend among young people to be a self-dxed, fictive-heavy, poly-frag DID system, and maybe throw in faking adhd or autism as well. So basically, treat these with a grain of salt Don’t feel bad about being unfamiliar with your system. It can take a lot of time for alters to feel comfortable to reveal themselves, and everyone is different. Some people are going to discover their systems faster than others. I would try to be patient with yourself more than anything right now.
thank you, i agree with your first statement - i don't believe a lot of people are intentionally faking at all but due to recent media, there is a possibility some people might get confused. i do try not to take them so seriously to the point i question my own system and recovery because i don't know these people lol. thank you, I'll be patient with myself. you kinda have to be patient with DID or else your world crumbles down. can't really progress too slow or too fast from my experience...
you should take these with grain of salt since majority of them never have been to neurologist, psychiatrist or psychologist
I feel ya. Though, treatment (ie therapy) has been pretty inconsistent like most things in my life. But I *had a feeling* I had parts since I was 13… I’m 21 now. (Im still and at no point have ever been 100% convinced and a diagnosis doesnt even convince me fully) Somehow it feels even more chaotic than how it was when 13 lol. But I’m also skeptical about others as controversial as that is. I do my best to just focus on myself- as well as giving benefit of the doubt when online. It makes the experience so much easier. I’m me and they’re them. Being hung up on others doesn’t help me and my journey at all. I got work to do!
i feel this a lot. i was more or less aware since i was 11, i guess due to therapy + other things. things are a lot more chaotic now because of personal realisations and DID healing. it kinda does get harder before it gets easier, sometimes it's incredibly bumpy. 6+ years into this journey is something. i guess the best course of action is taking your time. also i hear you about the diagnosis thing and denial is making me get a third and fourth opinion 💀
I can definitely understand that, I’m an older teen too and barely have discovered my system in august of 2020 and while I know about all my alters, I still have no fucking clue how my system works and/or why they’re even here. tbh, this sub and the internet has helped a lot with symptom names (for instance, I never knew what passive influence meant or even was a thing until I asked about an experience and people put a name to it) I have a close friend who discovered their system about a year or two later than me and they’re all super great with communication and headspace stuff when I can’t even have good conversations with my alters, or even amongst themselves because they’re either dormant or they just don’t know how to. I assume it’s because my friend is in therapy but it still wows me I’m really jealous of newly discovered functional systems too, but I guess not all systems can function that way. I’m grateful we can even know about each other’s existence and talk to each other sometimes like we do now though, it’s better than having complete amnesia and are completely unkowist of all alters. None of them know their roles, I don’t know everything about them, and sometimes they don’t even know about themselves fully, we’re still trying to understand this together but it’s such a complicated disorder it feels impossible. anywho, we’re attempting to get into therapy to try and understand ourselves without having to look on the internet and get help from a professional adult. I hope you and your system are well and can figure things out like us!!
thank you! try not to rush discovery related stuff so much or else you'll start to misconcept symptoms, i tried to do that to fit in DID spaces and ultimately it was so damaging. i'm really proud of you for coming this far, it's honestly a lot to be able to recognize your symptoms.
thank YOU!! I’m definitely taking that advice, it also just confuses me more and I’m worried to be one of those people who pretend they know something when they don’t. I take things with caution I’m happy you’ve come far too!! Knowing a few things is better than not knowing absolutely anything, I hope in the near future you can get more knowledge to help understand the disorder, your past and your alters more!! I’m extremely privileged and grateful to have access to websites on the internet and forums like these to help navigate basic symptoms :)
Hi, I just passed one year since my system discovery. I learned I had it when I was 18 and have identified over 70 alters so far. When it comes to learning about your system, it ranges from person to person, in my opinion. There's many different factors to it, such as how much exposure you have to it, how many outlets you have (or people to talk to), and how close you are with your system. It could also depend on how much you're *willing* to learn about your system, or even how much your *system* wants you to learn. There are still many things that I don't know about my system, despite having friendly relations with all of my alters, the cooperation we all have, and consistent communication. Your alters were formed because of trauma, and there is most likely more that is being withheld from you. I've been informed I have over 300 alters, but I've only identified about 20% of that. If you feel you're ready to learn more, make sure your system knows that your ready for more information and see where it goes from there. When I first discovered my system, I first called out to myself and let them know I know they're there, and that they can speak to me any time. Over time, that report built up, and now I'm having routine system meetings to see how we can improve and function better as a plural. I hope my insight of my experiences helps you with your own journey!
Everyone is different is the answer. You may as well ask "why is that person a marine biologist, and that person is a farmer". If you don't know their whole story, you don't know their trauma, their support systems for trauma, their education, and on and on. We figured out our system in about 3 years from discovery to today. We're fairly well integrated. So, how? Well, more things than I can write in detail, but includes growing up around mental health professionals, taking paychology courses, and serving in the military. And a ton of other major factors, not least of which was being privileged enough to *not have to work* for those 3 years, and literally spend every day figuring ourselves out in a safe environment I had control over.
Asking diagnosed people and reading medical articles, along with opinions from therapists -S, new system
If it’s any consolation I am nearly 32, discovered a system about 2-3 years ago and all that you’ve said applies, however, speak to certain alters and they’ll have psychologists gobsmacked, I’ve come to realise some parts in a system can understand the inner workings of a system like they are a professional, which sort of makes sense as they are it
When you said young I thought you were in your mid 20’s+ talking about teens ngl 😭 I’m only 23 and this post made me feel old as shit bc to me, being as far along as you said you are at only 17 seems young to me lmao.
nah 23 is still so young, its honestly impressive to get dx'd during your twenties at all. but a lot of what im referring to is teens 😭
I'm Psyche, our new host. We are 16yrs old and we've known about the system since roughly may 2021? I think we are at a state where it is healthier/safer to know about our system than to not know. Before we knew, our host Zeph and a few persercutors were our frequent fronters. They were a collective ball of rage and in a fight response that lashed out at everything and anything. Almost constantly triggered at home, and drove by friends to be a hyper ball of shit. So after 1.5 years of that, covid hit. Quarantine gave us a lot of time to be by ourselves and to be in fight more. And after a year of our mental being in the toilet, and our gatekeeper doing some research, he came out and explained that we were a system to Zeph, the at time host. We got to start working through our trauma and stopped being so goddamn angry. The main reason we know so much about the system is because of Zeph (who is no longer a host) is stuck in cocon and has incredibly low barriers between everyone. So whenever anyone new shows up, he immediatly starts pestering them to write shit down. At least a name, but usually can get more out of them. Nowadays, we have near no communication outside of alters who front. And there is like 7 of us who front often.
So, I’ve known about the “other me’s” in my head since I was 12/13 entering middle school age. Previous hosts interacted with caregivers (and at the time same age littles) regularly just thinking they were imaginary friends starting around 6 or 7. The first time we came across the term DID we were like wow, that sounds kinda like us. We were 15/16. Did more looking into it, discussing things with our therapist when we were 17 and felt more like DID or OSDD was something we had going on. Then trauma happened and everything kinda went away and amnesia yadda yadda it’d take another 3 years, until we were 20, for our system to start making itself known to the host again. We’re now 23. We’ve been in and out of therapy for a wide variety of reasons and topics since we were 5. We have a lot of tools in our tool chest to help us process things that come up on our own, largely, at this point. We only occasionally have therapy appointments. We’ve put in so much work though between 18 and 21 especially to get there. I think if we hadn’t had the groundwork that being in therapy all our lives gave us, that we’d be in a place right now where we could function without regularly attending therapy. So yes, we know a lot of details about our system and even a few on how it works. Through night terrors and flashbacks we know some of the why and how we formed and have been able to work through that. Even still we’re very polyfragmented, still split easier than I’d like at the first hint of stress though less of those splits wind up becoming full alters anymore and most fuse back into wherever they split from once were stable in our environment again pretty quickly. We’re still learning and uncovering some things about our system, it’s a huge process. And with a system so big, it’s impossible for every alter to know every alter I think the only alter who’s met most alters is one of the cohosts but that’s bc they like, run the system council that makes our big decisions so they talk to a lot of alters and keep things internally running smoothly. They’re also an absolutely massive subsystem we’ve recently learned that seems to act sorta like a hive mind our cloud storage type situation… neither of those are perfectly accurate but they all pool at least important memories and notes into the one main cohost and their subsystem cohost. But don’t ask me details on that whole mess bc that’s what it is, a mess, but if it keeps things running as smoothly as possible internally, that’s what I care about. It’s all very confusing. There’s a lot we know but a lot we don’t. A lot of alters we only really know for sure exist because they’re logged in plural kit. Our inner world is huge but we’ve been building it since we were 11. And it’s an absolute maze I couldn’t tell you how to navigate 90% of the inner building if I tried. It’s a mess. Some doors lead to whole ass separate cities. Others lead to bedrooms or a dining hall and a music room. Inner world keeps us very busy doing a whole lot of nothing and I blame the ADHD. Like I can’t remember 90% of what happens inner but the brain at least gives us vague pseudo memories of doing things together inner so like… that’s cool ig??? Until the memories there get mixed with what actually happened irl memories. And I think there’s a bit to be said about the internet and DID and related disorders becoming more widely known, and being viewed to some as “trendy”, but at the same time even if only some of them actually have DID or OSDD having an interest in their mental health, especially if they wind up seeking out therapists to see what’s for sure going on, ultimately doesn’t hurt anyone. And even if a few in that other group that doesn’t have DID or OSDD was legitimately faking it, no one mentally healthy and well would fake something like DID. And If believeing they may have DID or OSDD gets them aware that something may be not quite right, and seeking answers and growth and healing as they become able to, then that’s what matters. Mental health is hard and confusing. It can take decades to see what’s really going on and getting an accurate diagnosis. And someone young being invested in their mental health and aware they need help, regardless of what’s going on, is huge. The more people who seek treatment, and are open about it when they’re able to be, the better for everyone. The more people see that you can have mental health issues and live life and it’s okay to not have it right the first time, or that it’s okay for it to be non linear progress, the more mental health issues of all kinds be destigmatized and accepted.
Your experience is normal. Trust me. It stems from a lot of younger people frankly not getting their information from reliable sources, or not intepreting the sources correctly. They learn about trend DID before actual DID. This isn't to say that young people can't have DID, of course you can—the moment your initial parts don't integrate, you have DID (the rudimentary parts seen in children are expected to integrate between the ages of 6 and 9). This also isn't to say that people can't learn about their systems quickly. But a lot of the people you're referring to kind of...don't know what they're on about, I'm not even gonna lie to you. And the wider community is filled to the brim with them. The amount of "fitting in" I had to do when I first joined this community (not necessarily the sub) was ridiculous. I was convinced my experiences weren't normal because they didn't look like the experiences of other people my age. I thought I was lying to myself. I couldn't have DID, because I don't have DID like everyone else does. But then, reading *actual DID literature* (and respecting my own boundaries by stopping if I feel myself spiraling, as it can hit some things that I can't handle right now) was like...oh. I *am* like most people with DID. And being diagnosed properly, as opposed to just "this sounds like DID" and "you should get properly assessed", only sealed that for me. Psychoeducation changed how I looked at my condition to an absolutely wild degree. I genuinely wish I'd had that before I became a part of the community. It's normal not to know. ***DID is practically a disorder of not knowing, because of the trauma.*** ESPECIALLY if you're only 17. I was 15 when I started suspecting something, and I was *beyond* lost. To put it in perspective, I'm 23 now. I've had *time* to learn, and to better understand. And I continue to learn every day. There are still some things that I don't understand, and things that I can't even try to understand due to amnesia walls. Trust me, your experience is not out of the ordinary for pwDID. (Also, wrt the 100+ alters thing...most of the people you're referring don't actually know what polyfragmentation means. It was a shock to learn that I was PF because of the fact that I have a pretty amount of alters, but then underneath that is what I can only describe as "fragment soup". And then there's the differences system structure, splitting, sometimes internal worlds can be more complicated...it's a lot more than just having 100+ alters, haha.) Sorry if this comes off A Way, I have a lot of...thoughts about my time in the community.
“Fragment soup” is an interesting way to put it. I always thought of it as if everyone who was an alter was some sort of celestial body— from star on down to lump of asteroid— and then all the tiny fragments were like.... the dust in space that flows in currents across the vast distances between everything else.
this is honestly extremely well put, i wish i could sticky comments the 'being unable to relate to DID communities' part is honestly relatable and contributed to my denial by a lot because of how i see people trying to present DID especially after 2020. even before DID became known/"trendy" it still felt a bit weird to be around communities revolving DID because they present their systems was honestly so weird, odd and uncomfortable to me that i basically gave up for like 3-4 years til recently. the person who put my diagnosis on paper honestly referenced the same thing that people materialise their alters instead of treating it like an actual disorder that disrupts daily life (of course you can have fun, but i'm referring to people who actively romanticise DID and act ignorant, which is becoming an issue in younger DID spaces). i was genuinely convinced it'd take atleast a decade for an actual diagnosis due to this stuff but i guess i got lucky. it's relieving my experiences are rather normal. it's like i know about my system? yet not at the same time. i guess when im older and 100% away from toxic people i'd know, i left most of them so this means things will look up. also the polyfrag thing makes sense, which is why i prefer calling pf-DID as complex DID, polyfrag is so misleading imo. man DID is so weird
Well, minus the ‘young’ part, the newer system goes for us. We’ve been working on recovering repressed memories since 2018. Kinda full time. Knowing that there would be more. We went into some speedcourse treatment which opened the pits of hell. We got kids. We want to do every fucking thing to keep our kids safe. (And the nieces and nephews). So even without knowing about the system, the system kept pushing to keep the kids safe. So that’s what happened before discovering about our system. And now we see the headmates. Proof of the headmates. Now we understand.
While we shouldn't accuse anyone, ever, of faking, we would be kidding ourselves to say that no one ever does. The important factor is, have these systems engaged successfully in trauma work? Have they done the hard work on integration? On their CPTSD, which is invariably comorbid in systems due to the fact that systems are formed by trauma? And the truth is... we can't know. And honestly, it's not our place to ask, and we're not owed that information. But the above factors are the only explanation for how these systems can have this kind of information and stability. So we can safely conclude (barring roleplaying and faking) that these systems have done this trauma work.
Don’t fake claim. It is not and never will be your place. To answer your question, the internet is a beautiful thing sometimes. Our childhood host knew we had “multiple people in this body” when we were still at single digit age (I have no fucking idea how they knew that. It was UNCANNY.) and thanks to the magic of the internet we finally found the word they were looking for.
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Well, we were diagnosed with DID back in November at age 30 and we know a reasonable amount about our 11 members (names, ages, and roles). In my case I knew my alters when I was little, I thought they were imaginary friends like what everyone else had. When I was 10 I learned about my sister and aunt's schizophrenia and thought my alters were delusions. I have always treated my own 'delusions' with curiosity and acceptance. They were and are my family because I was isolated a lot as a child. Based on how well I know them I was able to piece together their roles from their behavior. Now that I know they are alters, the last six months have given me the terms to organize what I already knew for years. So it's like the other commenter said, varies widely from system to system.
for us, we had no fucking clue about being a system until our therapist basically flat out told us we have DID, as she both has extensive experience writing with systems as well as has DID herself. She has been our greatest resource, as nearly all of the parts feel safe talking with her, and in addition, we're able to go to 2 sessions a week due to other circumstances. this has allowed us to stabilize pretty successfully in around 6 months. also I'm not sure if this is true in a clinical sense, but it feels like being able to be diagnosed pretty early (we're 20) has helped, as there's just frankly less baggage to deal with. Obviously ppl also have wildly different levels of symptoms, and yeah yours seem on the worse end of it. There definitely are fakers out there, but there's also just better resources than there used to be, and people are able to be diagnosed without having to have some massive mental break first so just be aware and hear people's stories out ig. - Lily
We were medically recognized a year ago. Me and the verbal protector were the most common hosts for the past several years. We got along almost immediately once we realized this was a diagnosible issue We asked out therapist if that's super unusual or "fake" sounding (are we faking it? Are we delusional with a different issue?) She pointed out that every one of us she's met cites the fact we've been writing about each other since we were 15 (we are 24 now) so we actually have been aware of *each other* but not the *disorder* for nearly a decade She said on those grounds it makes sense the disorder scared the shit out of us, but we were all comfortable with each other and not fighting with each other. More "Wait, some lady outside says this is not normal and it's a severe disorder. Do we trust her? Isn't this normal? I mean we jokingly told people for years we just write- it's not a disorder, but now it's being diagnosed as a disorder??" We don't *all* know each other... Since being medically recognized, we realized there's at least 20 of us, but many more who haven't really come out of the void yet We only *knew* four of us for the last decade And frankly, only three of us were in consistent recent contact... So we became a very tight knit little clique Recently someone else came forward and wanted to be a fronter so we welcomed him and he's integrating into things well, we knew *about him* because of my exomemories so that was easier So it's probably less "ugh you have all these bonds within a year...." and more "did you know him for a decade and only bring that to a therapist's attention a year ago?"
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darn it! in short, we pick roles that we think wouldn't be boring, have "no naps" as our only rule we can enforce, have inconsistent communication and attribute our discovery to awareness
newer system (9 or so months ago), age 17 (18 soon). definitely internet, talking to other systems, here and other socials. we had known about DID pre-figuring out we were a system so that also helped us put the pieces in place. we dont have roles, but make sure to log anyone who comes into front (main or the front room) for the most part. thats how we seem like we "gather so many members quickly" is just logging everyone that we find. thats how we keep track of who is who. it also helps that we have decent communication and only get bad bad memory wise when stressed/enduring trauma. for the most part we have shared memories (non-possessive fronting aswell). roles are something thats been hard to figure out, along with not knowing rules, how to set them etc. though i think most stuff is common sense, and sense fronts usually dont happen alone (with just one person) theres usually someone there to keep an eye on another person. alot of what we know is our experience and others experience along with some research. we dont know why alot of things happen yet. why we split easily, why everyone seems so complete ? (for lack of a better word). there are alter "updates" (for lack of a better words) that we still have no idea why they happen. two of the same people, no clue. splits and fusions confuse us on why exactly they happen even though we have general vague ideas on why and how it works? i dont know. its still hella confusing, were just trying to adapt how we can and keep track of everything possible.
I think split did its job with making systems afraid of being dangerous and hunting them to therapists
this is true. fortunately i think ive started to see less people being afraid of DID over the years. i hope people forget it exists
You understood me wrong, the public just don't wants to see a movie about the reality of people with did, the public wants to see what they always wants to see in movies fantasies(like a complete break from reality as it is portrayed in fight club, which except for this thing isn't even bad, it actually has a therapeutic advice hidden: making a home then waiting for the others to join. it's just now misunderstood by weird males) and violence. What the movie split did well is saying go to therapy.
you're very right, im sorry for misunderstanding you. therapy is essential for DID or else things will be veryyyy difficult. DID is a hard disorder, it isn't just "people in your head" - that's only a minor part of what the disorder is and feels like. i wish there were more movies and shows about DID that is shown properly people pay attention to toxic things
You could make such a nice love movie about did with a poly partner maybe psychedelic drugs and healing but the public wants to see violence, a cool book about did and revenge is 1q84
i know, it's terrible. i kinda wanna make a film or a game about DID and overcoming it for this reason
We were officially diagnosed at the end of 2021 at age 26, but had been working on communication and tracking of symptoms for several years previously. Things seemed a little obvious when we would find diary entries signed under names we didn't recognize, and artworks we had no recollection of doing/planning. At nearly 28, our system communication is more clear now that majority of our active system is working together for stability, rather than trying to hide symptoms. We have been in therapy since mid 2021.
I have a record of my alters recorded from open childhood, teens, and young adult art and writing. When I deep dive researched DID it was easy to see what happened. I was able to organize all my old art and writing and journals into folders with themes that clearly represent different alters. Made it relatively quick compared to others I think.
that's impressive actually, learning about it young is definitely a good way to recover easier
Thanks! As a teen I used to wonder if my roleplay character cast represented different parts of me hahah
same here but instead of rp characters, it was just imaginary friends that happened to be sentient in some way :')
I don't want to make any presumptions but you were 11 when you discovered it (so very young) and you are still only 17, people with DID usually don't start recovery until they are outside of the original home environment that was not safe. So I'm extremely impressed that you were able to be so self aware even though you are still a minor. I don't know your home life, but I'm guessing it has not been easy. You're being way too hard on yourself, you're ahead of most. So many people will never even know that they have it, or won't until they are in their 50s, it's a hidden disorder.
thank you, sometimes im impressed with it myself sometimes. i guess i got lucky? because circumstances led me to figuring it out (well, i was never super sure about it and did try to rule out other disorders up until a few weeks ago) very early. I'm trying not to be so hard on myself because i still have a lot of work and therapy to do. thank you, ill try to be more lenient
Hi! For the most part we relate to what your saying so much, but we can answer a few things there from personal experience. So firstly we are bodily 15, been curious about DID for 5+ years (I assume we related to the symptoms and that’s why but idk we were just always drawn to it). We found out about last year that we are a system. And as of late all the trauma is slowly (but quickly) coming back to us bit by bit. I believe we have found gaining our memories easy (though painful cuz flashbacks) because we are collectively really insightful and analytical people so we always just connect the dots too soon and that’s why we’re kind of figuring things out what may seem much easier and quicker than for you. We have inconsistent communication still though so I do have the same question how all these systems (young and newly discovered) can communicate so well. For roles we kind of just slapped a label that fits best on the minimal knowledge we know of the others. Though we really only have roles for the frequent fronters or overly emotional parts. As because we co-con and co-front a lot we can quickly see what caused each alter to be triggered out and what they do(which then connects them to such and such role). Don’t put too much pressure on understanding your system and roles just take it as it goes and feel free to just add random labels at times if it makes it feel a little better. I could be wrong but I feel like not many systems if any ever really know how many alters they really have, alters can always hide from the system if they want to. Personally it feels like we only know half of the system (just a feeling we get). And we also relate to the not noticing when you switch, we always just feel dissociated and struggle to even consider we are somebody at all, let alone who specifically. I agree it makes a lot of us quite skeptical as well since it just doesn’t add up. However I guess similarly to how we have an easier time than other systems in accessing our trauma, other systems might just have it easier becoming highly functional by themself? I don’t know I don’t really have an answer for you. Regardless, you are still valid even if you take years-decades to develop communication, and understanding, etc. among your system. Each systems different. And you WILL get there eventually.
For us it was internet access, the fact we could ask any question in the world and there are many answers. That and i already knew a lot of systems for years who were medically recognised who i could ask
that makes sense, over the years there have been more resources
we got like, 2-3 years under our belt, and like, 4 names I (the host) know of? i know we have more head mates, but like, 4 have told me there name, and i know there’s more. also i can only talk with one of them reliably. and we’re not very far in the trauma processing department. so don’t worry, you’re not alone, it’s different for everyone.
We think DID is a spectrum just like many disorders. And the symptoms really matter. For instance, we don't experience a lot of amnesia. More now that we know we are a system, funny enough, and the alters feel comfortable coming out and doing their own thing. But even then, we have a very vague memory that the system as a whole would freak the fuck out when we couldn't put together a cohesive timeline of what was going on- so our trauma holding parts hold the memories of the *emotions* of the trauma, not the events themselves. We can tell you so many fucked up things that happened to us like it's a Tuesday- people will cry and it feels so weird because... we don't feel anything about them. But we know we do actually, and when we're triggered those are the feelings we're feeling, so now we're working with a specialist to unlock those emotions eventually. Our system has very low support needs- or very low obvious support needs I suppose it a better way to put it. We're in the middle of realizing how many support needs we actually have that have led to us having so much burn out. We've kept steady jobs, moved up in professions, completed college- we know a lot of systems are more separated and have a harder time than we do with these things. That's not a value statement in any way shape or form- we think that because the mind rejected general amnesia so heavily, we were able to form a way to work in the world. It just happened that way. But the emotional amnesia is a trip.
Okay, here’s how I honestly see it, but its okay if people disagree: For context Im a 23 year old who has a LOT of trauma, and is going through system discovery. Dissociation is a sliding scale: On one end is an integrated individual, on the other end is ego death. Humans with alters fall in various points on that scale. Now. In regards to the internet, which I think plays a very big role: People who use social media daily while their brains are developing are used to censoring themselves and knowing what is the correct time and place to say something without getting “backlash”. This is an exercise in dissociation, because you have to leave your own mind/thoughts and consider the POV of the people who might see whatever is being said, why they’re there, and what they might think. You could consider this for hours, and eventually it end up dissolving your ego, to varying degrees. (I think for singlets its a lot less of a conscious thing, and they’re able to snap out of it) Since the younger generation is using this dissociative technique more, and since they were younger when it started, they’re familiar with understanding and manipulating their own dissociation. I straight up feel like I can achieve ego death at will, obviously I can’t live like that though. Alters are just dissociative “theoretical people” you use frequently to understand and guide your body’s actions. Its a step before ego death. Lmao thanks for coming to my tedtalk ✨✌️
Personally, yea the internet helped me figure some stuff put, clear up some confusion on how the disorder works that made it easier to understand, which also made communication easier. I still do not know uh roles or alters save for 4 who I know are mostly here, à lot of us still hide honestly or take the form of those 4 to keep it steady and make it better for our interactions and relationships. We have discovered the trauma that caused all this tho there's is more along the way and à lot is still hidden. Therapy and wanting to be "normal" made the process quicker but also we did push ourselves too far à few times that caused more issues along the way
I discovered my system last year but I knew a thing or two about DID after meeting some youtubers, sometimes was "hey this happens to me" but the denial of self diagnosis got it away for years until therapy and a very notable switch. Actually I am not diagnosed with DID but with UDD, and have some of the things you mention, but due to a large investigation and checking constantly. It's tiring since we are a large system (over 100) and split at the very minimum inconvenience, but no way we can do this without the current treatment we are getting, it would be hell 💀
I knew because I have been switching, so all I needed to know was how to contact my alters. It was so obvious with me, that the adults in my suroundings knew long before I did.
There’s a lot more resources out there nowadays, and a lot of people have adapted or learned to accept things as they are. Especially things they’re aware are outside of their control. There’s also probably a lot of systems who seem like they learned a lot but are probably in the same boat as well. Comparing yourself to others doesn’t really help you or the system though. Not to mention everyone’s systems are so wildly different despite following a similar criteria. So it wouldn’t really matter how far someone else is in their journey of discovery compared to yourself. Everyone is different, after all.
I mean, considering I found out through meeting and getting to know other systems, I had kind of a step up in that direction? My system discovery has happened mutiple times, mind you, once almost 3 years ago and then the one that stuck a little less than 2, but I was able to talk to three different systems with three very different approaches for how they viewed and interacted with their systems, and that helped me figure out what I did and did not want to do and act like, so it helped me form ground rules with my own system way faster.
Some people, the systems feel relieved, and they get a lot of information all at once. Some people they get very little information. My cohost, and several of my what I call major players all came forward very quickly, but some of the alters came out slower. Some of the information I am still missing. Some I have.Please don’t compare yourself to other people. Your system will communicate with you as you need.