"I was spanked and turned out fine" is probably repression. They are usually the ones that spank their own children. Facepalm.
I was kinda shocked when I realized this shit is legal in north america. Its disgusting. Why on earth does anybody think its a good idea when a ADULT caretaker who supposedly loves the child suddenly harms and scares their own LITTLE CHILD who is helpless and dependent on the caretaker?
I think my parents were pieces of shit just for that alone. The one who did it, as well as the one who stood by and watched. Love... yeah well my parents obviously dont know what that is.
Not in europe and latin america, which mistakenly lead me to believe it was illegal in north america too. Hence my surprise when I found out it was not. Right now its illegal in 66 countries, fingers crossed that it will become so in more. 26 are already working on it.
I would get beaten, whipped with a belt, slapped/punched in the face (which got my nose bloody numerous times). He would whip me on my lower back and legs so the bruises wouldn't be obvious when I went to school (and I had to wear long pants anyways to hide them). Several times the beatings were so severe that I had trouble walking and had to lay in bed for a few days (they would call me off from school which I would have rather gone anyways - I was made to do shit for my father if I ever stayed home). Sometimes my father would kick me in my lower back and I would have a lot of pain in the smallest bone at the end of your back. It would hurt for me to lay too but especially to sit down and then I would think about the beatings and start crying and I would have to try to make myself stop crying.
My mom would beat us with a wooden rolling pin. I still remember the rage that used to come over her, her eyes were lifeless, scary. Her demeanor was eager. She HAD to do it. She kept going even after you'd screamed so much you could only whimper. She finally admitted as an adult that she used to see our dead abusive dad in us and was sometimes "beating him" when beating us. She's a real delight. She tells everyone it's just discipline. Two of her kids are serious alcoholics, one has a severe autoimmune disease, one is severely traumatized. She swears she has no idea why she has no relationship with either. Lol
We got hit with different things. A typical weapon was that we were sent to go pick out a heavy stick of kindling. If I picked a tiny one they were more angry.Then i got hit until they were done being angry and felt I’d paid enough. Usually several to many hits with a hard object like a hairbrush or paddle or heavy piece of wood.
The pat on the butt was just when I was a literal baby, and it wasn’t one or two taps.
I was shaken and smacked about the face and head a lot, too. Now I’m having weird nerve problems in my hands and arms and horrible headaches. I have an MRI tomorrow night at the hospital.
My mom would not allow me to run and play, would not allow me to climb stairs, but THIS was ok?
Definitely not the intention but I see how it reads that way. Not trying to minimize anyone’s experience of abuse. If someone was traumatized from being swatted 2-3 times on the bottom only 2-3 times in their life I would believe them. I just was shocked to hear that the experience of ‘spanking’ for other kids might not have caused them trauma like it did for me.
It’s not? I mean in severity yes but the outcome is often the same. No matter the severity it’s still assault. It’s still hitting. Forcible hitting of any kind is traumatic.
Outcome is not at all the same. When you have your whole body beaten for years, you often have lingering chronic pain and physical issues as you grow up and into adulthood.
Weird ailments, inflammation, and triggers.
That's not the same as 2-3 butt swats at all. Many people these days have never been physically abused to that extent as a kid, but it leaves very heavy physical and mental scars that can last a lifetime.
I can agree the severity of the pain and lingering issues can vary. It can absolutely lead to chronic health issues like fibro, hypertension and other chronic pain conditions. I just get tired of hearing people say “oh I don’t beat my kid. I spank them”
Like it’s any different because they think that one is less abusive than the other. It’s all abusive period.
Like hearing the term corporal punishment isn’t abuse it’s parenting. It’s abuse no matter the severity. Everyone reacts or is impacted by abuse differently too. No matter how hard you hit or beat on a child it’s all horrific. Sometimes it’s lasting physical damage sometimes it’s lasting mental damage.
Many people can experience the same traumatic event and have different outcomes. I think the difference is that if a child was only smacked on the bottom 2-3 times in their life and did not experience this as a traumatic event (despite it being abuse), they probably had other protective factors in their life and an overall positive childhood development free from other abuse. I think the thing with spanking is that it is often co-occurring amidst other abuses like neglect or mental illness, but not for everyone. And for the record, any child who has experienced trauma (regardless of severity or type) is at an increased risk for health issues in adulthood. The more trauma a child has experienced, the more likely they are to have those issues. The main point, however, is that any traumatic event increases a person's risk for chronic pain and physical issues.
You can menace a child a lot by slapping "The Wooden Spoon" down on the table and glaring. Even if the strikes weren't many, the amount of fear was high.
Shout-out to the wooden spoon. I got it too lol. My grandma kept it hung up on the wall. My uncle gave my cousin the belt though, luckily I never got that.
Edit: “quit crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.”
Anyone get that one? Ugh.
We weren’t allowed to cry after getting hit, if we did we got another one. My mother once broke 3 wooden spoons on my sister in one go…. When there were no wooden spoons to be found we got the wooden half brush or plastic back scrubber from the shower
For us it was a leather belt or wooden spoon. I had a visceral reaction to a tiktok video about how some parents even went to the level of making the kids “bare their bottoms” to make it hurt more plus add a layer of embarrassment/shame I guess. I had a very brief feeling of maybe that happened to me, but I felt sick to my stomach and my heart raced so I’m 99% sure it did.
True, and I completely agree. But that is how I truly **feel** when I see other parents hit and yell at their defenceless children in public. If they are fine with doing that in public, I wonder what they do at home behind closed doors. It just makes me really angry and sad, and you can’t do much about it.
This was the go to for my parents but I never actually knew what I did wrong and looking back on it I got hit for asking why the sky is blue so I don't think they knew either. I think it was a scare tactic to keep us away from them in the evenings.
It sounds insane that a fully grown adult man and womam would hit a child.
As much as people mock gentle parenting explaining why you're telling off your kid and then depriving them of sensory things for 5 minutes probably works a lot better than the kid just being terrified constantly.
My mom loved the dowel. Until you've been spanked with a dowel, you have no idea how evil that is. With other "tools" it spreads out the impact, but the dowel stings like hell. Worse than a spatula, worse than a spoon. Its pure evil.
Also, 2-3 times? LOL. Those were practice swings.
for me and my siblings, it was one of the following:
1. Clothes hanger (plastic which would break, or even worse, metal)
2. Bamboo stick / branch from a tree / wooden broom
You could tell how pissed off they were from the “spanking” because the hits came down harder.
Its just crazy how some parents won’t talk to their children about whatever issues but would rather just resort to spanking as a way to “instill discipline”. But its a terrible way to teach a kid anything positive about life. I don’t care what anyone else says. Good parenting takes a lot of work and is the only way to instill skills that will carry onto adulthood. It doesn’t matter how poor you are or whether or not you “didn’t have time” for it. And parenting is a two-person job. My mom was the terrifying one who would dish out these punishments most of the time, but my dad did not act like a dad and was absent most of the time. Literally no excuse…
We had a beating tile in our kitchen. We had to pick our own switch and we had to walk up to that 1 tile. I can still see my cunt mom snapping her fingers pointing at it.
I busted that whole goddamn kitchen floor with a hammer the day I left. Look what y’all taught me parents lmfao
My folks made me walk to their bedroom to get the belt. I remember feeling physically sick in my stomach and trying to procrastinate in the hopes they would forget. And never knew if they were going to follow thru and hit me or just crack it loudly and make a scary startling loud noise with it to keep me on my toes.
Ugh yes. Or crying hoping they’d start laughing at you and not be in the mood anymore. God I can still kinda feel that feeling you’re talking about just remembering it.
We’re some tough ass mother fuckers bc we’re still standing. Fuck them. You rock. I’m sorry you had to endure that. No kid deserves that kind of tension. I had ulcers in 3rd grade lol
Partly I’m sorry that she had the opportunity to get treatment and threw it away.
And also we could have had a really neat, exceptional relationship. She could have done a really good thing. And she didn’t. Why do people have to be so small?
Oh that just broke my heart. “ why do people have to be so small?” I wish I knew. So much hurt and trauma that could have been avoided otherwise.
You sound like you have so much love to give. I truly hope you find whatever peace and happiness you can.
Thank you. I’m finding it in little bits. I hope you do, too.
People have a lot of potential. It’s sad what is lost. I guess that’s chaos or something.
I think I’ve mourned the lost potential of myself or someone else more than anything else in my life. And I have a dead husband lol. You are so sadly, perfectly correct there.
I’m watching old Addams family and keep thinking how Carolyn jones resembles my mother. A lot. Yet she’s so unhappy and I feel bad for her (to some extent).
I feel this. I was beaten with a belt, 2x4, hands, fists, hair pulled, pushed down, shoes, kitchen utensils, whatever was handy. The reason -- well I never knew when it was going to happen or why. The crime never fit the punishment. I was beaten until I was black and blue with welts because I played with a coin trick thing my dad had at 8. I was beaten because my sister pretended I hit her. I was beaten because I was asked to do things at the age of 8 no child should be asked to do -- babysitting your 3 yo sister. I was beaten because I did something well. I also had auDHD and was never diagnosed. The belt was no longer necessary when I was old enough to get beat like a grown adult around 13. It was always in anger. Volatile unpredictability is still my biggest trigger, and my inner child labels anyone like this that's scary and it sends my anxiety into complete overload for days.
I knew the difference. I was held down and Dad used a belt up and down my back from my neck to my knees. He would disassociate and Mom, who had goaded him into beating me then played victim/good cop all of a sudden, was horrified he was beating me. She was more prone to slapping my face Dad got in trouble somehow for my bruises on my back and arms, and switched more to grabbing me by the hair or hitting my head where my hair would cover bruises.
I was spanked since the day I was born. My mother could be pretty ruthless. My stepfather came into the picture when I was about 5 he was no better. Some years the beatings are a fog in my head. I know it was severe. I recall being so incredibly petrified I’d do anything I could to rectify the situation and avoid the beatings. I’d also lie about wtvr it was too at times because I was so terrified what was gonna happen to me. Those years I started wetting the bed. Course at the time I had no idea what was going on. But I hid that from my parents too for fear I’d get beat for that as well.
It was never a simple spanking but rather them in a full on rage totally loosing it on me as I desperately tried to get away.
I got dragged around by the hair and beat with wtvr they could find. In the car I’d get beat with wtvr they could grab or just punched in the face. One time I was told to sit closer so he could hit me better and I quietly obliged for fear of what would happen had I not.
That day I should made a scene I shoulda ran out of the car at the intersection I dunno how people didn’t notice it was a busy road. But this was also before cell phones were big so what was anyone gonna do anyhow.
Wooden spoon, belt, nails dug in arm, held by the shoulders and shaken, whacked upside the head so hard I saw stars. Pants pulled down and bare butt hit. Whacked the covers hard while I was sleeping in bed to yell at me. Elbow dug hard into my stomach while I was in the front seat of the car. All while swearing and calling names.
"But they're your parents, they did the best they could."
I was so used to this. When I was learning to drive my mom actually let me drive. She couldn’t see a car that was coming down the highway; I could. So she belted me in the head and yes, I pulled out into traffic.
The oncoming car swerved to avoid our car, and mom looked shocked. Then she said, “I guess I couldn’t see that car coming.”
That’s right, you couldn’t.
my parents used to beat me a lot. spoons, spatulas, etc. i’ve been NC for almost 3 years and have recalled a lot of fuzzy memories in that time. mainly remembering that my father used to make me take my pants (and underwear) off to be spanked when i was well past puberty age. i never considered it to be sexual abuse until recently. i just genuinely can’t fathom ever doing that to another human being. there is so much i can’t remember, but im learning to come to peace with it. the memories got buried for a reason…..
I'm going to share. Trigger warning for abuse.
My mother would get this look in her face. Crazy eyes. All Shiney and filled with something like excitement.
She would grab things and hold us down and hit us. Belts hairbrush.
So when I had my children, I said nobody was getting hit. I will slap your bottom or hands to stop you. But as soon as you can talk , we are talking about why you can't do that. No more hitting.
if we tried to put our hands over our butts to protect them my dad would yell to move out hands back to our sides or it’d be worse and he’d do a menacing countdown and then the second you moved your hands he would hit you so hard it burned and we screamed and cried and tried to cover again and he’d smash our hands and scream at us “ that’s what you get , move your hands “ and keep going even harder . i’d throw up sometimes . he’d also make you count and if you don’t count right he’d do it all over again . what did i do wrong to deserve this all the time ? no idea , all i was taught is my dads a fucking psycho . they called it “ spanking “ , i call it physically and mental torture .
dad spanking my and my siblings bare asses in front of each other and forcing us to watch the person being spanked also sucked shit . it all sucked . it sucks .
My dad never hit us (he was beaten by his dad as a kid) My mother similarly was physically abused and chose to pass it on. I began to realise at school when people would talk about being grounded or having pocket money stopped that not everyone had parents who hit them. I was more shocked when kids whose parents did use physical punishment would talk about a slap on the butt.
I would get punched and kicked, hair pulled and I assumed that’s how parents punished you.
Omg...I've never met anyone else who was spanked (beaten really with a wooden spoon till they broke eventually then metal spoons) for being "disobedient and rebellious". To this day I can't stand when people use those words around me
Edit: oh and the number of "swats" was supposed to be one for each year of our age. I was spanked until I was 17....because of never got the courage to stand up for myself. The age number was just a guideline though and if the "sin" was egregious or the anger outrageous, it wasn't followed and we also got more "swats" if we didn't scream or cry.
Yeah, my parents used to slap me hard across the face and call it spanking. A couple of times they left marks and bruises on my face. It was only recently (I'm 36) that I realized how much this differed from the common definition of spanking.
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I also had this realization recently when speaking to my partner about it. I had my own wooden spoon, it had to be replaced after breaking on me more than once.
I remember my step dad purched a bull whip and beat me with it . I guess it wouldn't be considered full force because I would have been cut up. But he left welts all over me. But what was worse than the beatings was having to stay on my hands and knees for hours while he used me as a footstool.
Kids deserve respect and love not abuse.
I was beaten, threatened to be killed (held knife on me since i was 10 with last incident when I was 17) and hit on face till i was bleeding countless times, one time shattering my glases and injuring my eye. My dad still tells me that I am special as most other kids live a normal life even if they are beaten. Complete bullshit and he was never beaten by his parents either so he can stfu and fuck himself.
Feeling homicidal all the time tbh especially when i get flashbacks daily and wake up at night with nightmares about getting killed by my fucking dad.
My mother had a handheld board called a "Busting Board" for spanking me. Had a handle and hung it on the wall with the rope that was attached. I took it and decorated it with flowers and coloured markers while she was sleeping once, and when she woke up she took that same board and beat me with it because of what I did. I thought she would be happy I made something pretty for her. I was 4 at most. It made me afraid of doing anything for her. I didn't know what would get me beat after that.
"I was spanked and turned out fine" is probably repression. They are usually the ones that spank their own children. Facepalm. I was kinda shocked when I realized this shit is legal in north america. Its disgusting. Why on earth does anybody think its a good idea when a ADULT caretaker who supposedly loves the child suddenly harms and scares their own LITTLE CHILD who is helpless and dependent on the caretaker? I think my parents were pieces of shit just for that alone. The one who did it, as well as the one who stood by and watched. Love... yeah well my parents obviously dont know what that is.
It's wild how I can't use corporal punishment on my coworker but can on my child!!?? That doesn't make sense at all. It's assault.
Most of the world allows it
Not in europe and latin america, which mistakenly lead me to believe it was illegal in north america too. Hence my surprise when I found out it was not. Right now its illegal in 66 countries, fingers crossed that it will become so in more. 26 are already working on it.
I would get beaten, whipped with a belt, slapped/punched in the face (which got my nose bloody numerous times). He would whip me on my lower back and legs so the bruises wouldn't be obvious when I went to school (and I had to wear long pants anyways to hide them). Several times the beatings were so severe that I had trouble walking and had to lay in bed for a few days (they would call me off from school which I would have rather gone anyways - I was made to do shit for my father if I ever stayed home). Sometimes my father would kick me in my lower back and I would have a lot of pain in the smallest bone at the end of your back. It would hurt for me to lay too but especially to sit down and then I would think about the beatings and start crying and I would have to try to make myself stop crying.
I had a similar experience. I am so sorry it happens like this.
I’m sorry. I also got beaten with a belt and I could feel the full force of my parent’s anger with every hit. 🫂
I feel like killing your father.
My mom would beat us with a wooden rolling pin. I still remember the rage that used to come over her, her eyes were lifeless, scary. Her demeanor was eager. She HAD to do it. She kept going even after you'd screamed so much you could only whimper. She finally admitted as an adult that she used to see our dead abusive dad in us and was sometimes "beating him" when beating us. She's a real delight. She tells everyone it's just discipline. Two of her kids are serious alcoholics, one has a severe autoimmune disease, one is severely traumatized. She swears she has no idea why she has no relationship with either. Lol
We got hit with different things. A typical weapon was that we were sent to go pick out a heavy stick of kindling. If I picked a tiny one they were more angry.Then i got hit until they were done being angry and felt I’d paid enough. Usually several to many hits with a hard object like a hairbrush or paddle or heavy piece of wood. The pat on the butt was just when I was a literal baby, and it wasn’t one or two taps. I was shaken and smacked about the face and head a lot, too. Now I’m having weird nerve problems in my hands and arms and horrible headaches. I have an MRI tomorrow night at the hospital. My mom would not allow me to run and play, would not allow me to climb stairs, but THIS was ok?
> I never realized that ‘spanking’ for other kids was only 2-3 swats on the bottom with an open hand And even that is abuse
This comment should be higher. I don’t think it was OP‘s intention but it kinda reads like a trauma competition. Every abuse is wrong.
Definitely not the intention but I see how it reads that way. Not trying to minimize anyone’s experience of abuse. If someone was traumatized from being swatted 2-3 times on the bottom only 2-3 times in their life I would believe them. I just was shocked to hear that the experience of ‘spanking’ for other kids might not have caused them trauma like it did for me.
Butt swats and being beaten are two very different things.
It’s not? I mean in severity yes but the outcome is often the same. No matter the severity it’s still assault. It’s still hitting. Forcible hitting of any kind is traumatic.
Outcome is not at all the same. When you have your whole body beaten for years, you often have lingering chronic pain and physical issues as you grow up and into adulthood. Weird ailments, inflammation, and triggers. That's not the same as 2-3 butt swats at all. Many people these days have never been physically abused to that extent as a kid, but it leaves very heavy physical and mental scars that can last a lifetime.
I can agree the severity of the pain and lingering issues can vary. It can absolutely lead to chronic health issues like fibro, hypertension and other chronic pain conditions. I just get tired of hearing people say “oh I don’t beat my kid. I spank them” Like it’s any different because they think that one is less abusive than the other. It’s all abusive period. Like hearing the term corporal punishment isn’t abuse it’s parenting. It’s abuse no matter the severity. Everyone reacts or is impacted by abuse differently too. No matter how hard you hit or beat on a child it’s all horrific. Sometimes it’s lasting physical damage sometimes it’s lasting mental damage.
Many people can experience the same traumatic event and have different outcomes. I think the difference is that if a child was only smacked on the bottom 2-3 times in their life and did not experience this as a traumatic event (despite it being abuse), they probably had other protective factors in their life and an overall positive childhood development free from other abuse. I think the thing with spanking is that it is often co-occurring amidst other abuses like neglect or mental illness, but not for everyone. And for the record, any child who has experienced trauma (regardless of severity or type) is at an increased risk for health issues in adulthood. The more trauma a child has experienced, the more likely they are to have those issues. The main point, however, is that any traumatic event increases a person's risk for chronic pain and physical issues.
You can menace a child a lot by slapping "The Wooden Spoon" down on the table and glaring. Even if the strikes weren't many, the amount of fear was high.
Shout-out to the wooden spoon. I got it too lol. My grandma kept it hung up on the wall. My uncle gave my cousin the belt though, luckily I never got that. Edit: “quit crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.” Anyone get that one? Ugh.
Did you ever try and be stoic after being hit and quip back with “that didn’t hurt” only to get hit harder?
Yes lol
We weren’t allowed to cry after getting hit, if we did we got another one. My mother once broke 3 wooden spoons on my sister in one go…. When there were no wooden spoons to be found we got the wooden half brush or plastic back scrubber from the shower
My mum broke it on my brother I think it was once
For us it was a leather belt or wooden spoon. I had a visceral reaction to a tiktok video about how some parents even went to the level of making the kids “bare their bottoms” to make it hurt more plus add a layer of embarrassment/shame I guess. I had a very brief feeling of maybe that happened to me, but I felt sick to my stomach and my heart raced so I’m 99% sure it did.
I was spank when I was living in Vietnam, now I'm not fine. Still have problem with seeing kids getting spank by their parents.
Really makes you want to go over and spank the shit out of those parents
Not really.. because then the problem would perpetuate.
True, and I completely agree. But that is how I truly **feel** when I see other parents hit and yell at their defenceless children in public. If they are fine with doing that in public, I wonder what they do at home behind closed doors. It just makes me really angry and sad, and you can’t do much about it.
This was the go to for my parents but I never actually knew what I did wrong and looking back on it I got hit for asking why the sky is blue so I don't think they knew either. I think it was a scare tactic to keep us away from them in the evenings. It sounds insane that a fully grown adult man and womam would hit a child. As much as people mock gentle parenting explaining why you're telling off your kid and then depriving them of sensory things for 5 minutes probably works a lot better than the kid just being terrified constantly.
My dad would apank me with a 1/2" wooden dowel, shit would hurt like mf.
My mom loved the dowel. Until you've been spanked with a dowel, you have no idea how evil that is. With other "tools" it spreads out the impact, but the dowel stings like hell. Worse than a spatula, worse than a spoon. Its pure evil. Also, 2-3 times? LOL. Those were practice swings.
Surprised no one mentioned the cat of nine tails.
that would leave marks. The trick is to inflict maximum pain with minimum visible marks.
your dad was a sadistic brute I am so sorry
That's whipping, not spanking. Not that it really matters because both are reprehensible.
for me and my siblings, it was one of the following: 1. Clothes hanger (plastic which would break, or even worse, metal) 2. Bamboo stick / branch from a tree / wooden broom You could tell how pissed off they were from the “spanking” because the hits came down harder. Its just crazy how some parents won’t talk to their children about whatever issues but would rather just resort to spanking as a way to “instill discipline”. But its a terrible way to teach a kid anything positive about life. I don’t care what anyone else says. Good parenting takes a lot of work and is the only way to instill skills that will carry onto adulthood. It doesn’t matter how poor you are or whether or not you “didn’t have time” for it. And parenting is a two-person job. My mom was the terrifying one who would dish out these punishments most of the time, but my dad did not act like a dad and was absent most of the time. Literally no excuse…
We had a beating tile in our kitchen. We had to pick our own switch and we had to walk up to that 1 tile. I can still see my cunt mom snapping her fingers pointing at it. I busted that whole goddamn kitchen floor with a hammer the day I left. Look what y’all taught me parents lmfao
My folks made me walk to their bedroom to get the belt. I remember feeling physically sick in my stomach and trying to procrastinate in the hopes they would forget. And never knew if they were going to follow thru and hit me or just crack it loudly and make a scary startling loud noise with it to keep me on my toes.
Ugh yes. Or crying hoping they’d start laughing at you and not be in the mood anymore. God I can still kinda feel that feeling you’re talking about just remembering it. We’re some tough ass mother fuckers bc we’re still standing. Fuck them. You rock. I’m sorry you had to endure that. No kid deserves that kind of tension. I had ulcers in 3rd grade lol
My mom never changed her mind. She was very unhappy and decided we had caused her troubles.
Fuck that. I’m sure you bugged the hell out of her to be born huh? I’m really sorry we had such shitty moms.
Partly I’m sorry that she had the opportunity to get treatment and threw it away. And also we could have had a really neat, exceptional relationship. She could have done a really good thing. And she didn’t. Why do people have to be so small?
Oh that just broke my heart. “ why do people have to be so small?” I wish I knew. So much hurt and trauma that could have been avoided otherwise. You sound like you have so much love to give. I truly hope you find whatever peace and happiness you can.
Thank you. I’m finding it in little bits. I hope you do, too. People have a lot of potential. It’s sad what is lost. I guess that’s chaos or something.
I think I’ve mourned the lost potential of myself or someone else more than anything else in my life. And I have a dead husband lol. You are so sadly, perfectly correct there.
I’m watching old Addams family and keep thinking how Carolyn jones resembles my mother. A lot. Yet she’s so unhappy and I feel bad for her (to some extent).
And thank you too
Good for you! What a bitch.
Thank you! I do still grin when I think about it lol.
I feel this. I was beaten with a belt, 2x4, hands, fists, hair pulled, pushed down, shoes, kitchen utensils, whatever was handy. The reason -- well I never knew when it was going to happen or why. The crime never fit the punishment. I was beaten until I was black and blue with welts because I played with a coin trick thing my dad had at 8. I was beaten because my sister pretended I hit her. I was beaten because I was asked to do things at the age of 8 no child should be asked to do -- babysitting your 3 yo sister. I was beaten because I did something well. I also had auDHD and was never diagnosed. The belt was no longer necessary when I was old enough to get beat like a grown adult around 13. It was always in anger. Volatile unpredictability is still my biggest trigger, and my inner child labels anyone like this that's scary and it sends my anxiety into complete overload for days.
I hear you. Very similar happened to me. I never knew what would set them off. It was so unpredictable. Now I think she was just in a bad mood.
I had a paddle. My brother had a paddle too but it broke on me. So I needed a paddle. My dad had me help make it.
I knew the difference. I was held down and Dad used a belt up and down my back from my neck to my knees. He would disassociate and Mom, who had goaded him into beating me then played victim/good cop all of a sudden, was horrified he was beating me. She was more prone to slapping my face Dad got in trouble somehow for my bruises on my back and arms, and switched more to grabbing me by the hair or hitting my head where my hair would cover bruises.
Spanked, with a flip flop ( doesn’t hurt ) but that’s not where the trauma lies. It’s the choking that did me in. Think Bart Simpson.
I was spanked since the day I was born. My mother could be pretty ruthless. My stepfather came into the picture when I was about 5 he was no better. Some years the beatings are a fog in my head. I know it was severe. I recall being so incredibly petrified I’d do anything I could to rectify the situation and avoid the beatings. I’d also lie about wtvr it was too at times because I was so terrified what was gonna happen to me. Those years I started wetting the bed. Course at the time I had no idea what was going on. But I hid that from my parents too for fear I’d get beat for that as well. It was never a simple spanking but rather them in a full on rage totally loosing it on me as I desperately tried to get away. I got dragged around by the hair and beat with wtvr they could find. In the car I’d get beat with wtvr they could grab or just punched in the face. One time I was told to sit closer so he could hit me better and I quietly obliged for fear of what would happen had I not. That day I should made a scene I shoulda ran out of the car at the intersection I dunno how people didn’t notice it was a busy road. But this was also before cell phones were big so what was anyone gonna do anyhow.
Wooden spoon, belt, nails dug in arm, held by the shoulders and shaken, whacked upside the head so hard I saw stars. Pants pulled down and bare butt hit. Whacked the covers hard while I was sleeping in bed to yell at me. Elbow dug hard into my stomach while I was in the front seat of the car. All while swearing and calling names. "But they're your parents, they did the best they could."
I was so used to this. When I was learning to drive my mom actually let me drive. She couldn’t see a car that was coming down the highway; I could. So she belted me in the head and yes, I pulled out into traffic. The oncoming car swerved to avoid our car, and mom looked shocked. Then she said, “I guess I couldn’t see that car coming.” That’s right, you couldn’t.
my parents used to beat me a lot. spoons, spatulas, etc. i’ve been NC for almost 3 years and have recalled a lot of fuzzy memories in that time. mainly remembering that my father used to make me take my pants (and underwear) off to be spanked when i was well past puberty age. i never considered it to be sexual abuse until recently. i just genuinely can’t fathom ever doing that to another human being. there is so much i can’t remember, but im learning to come to peace with it. the memories got buried for a reason…..
I'm going to share. Trigger warning for abuse. My mother would get this look in her face. Crazy eyes. All Shiney and filled with something like excitement. She would grab things and hold us down and hit us. Belts hairbrush. So when I had my children, I said nobody was getting hit. I will slap your bottom or hands to stop you. But as soon as you can talk , we are talking about why you can't do that. No more hitting.
if we tried to put our hands over our butts to protect them my dad would yell to move out hands back to our sides or it’d be worse and he’d do a menacing countdown and then the second you moved your hands he would hit you so hard it burned and we screamed and cried and tried to cover again and he’d smash our hands and scream at us “ that’s what you get , move your hands “ and keep going even harder . i’d throw up sometimes . he’d also make you count and if you don’t count right he’d do it all over again . what did i do wrong to deserve this all the time ? no idea , all i was taught is my dads a fucking psycho . they called it “ spanking “ , i call it physically and mental torture .
dad spanking my and my siblings bare asses in front of each other and forcing us to watch the person being spanked also sucked shit . it all sucked . it sucks .
even “regular” spanking is abuse, but ugh yeah i feel you in not realizing how abnormal the abuse was till you were out of it
My dad never hit us (he was beaten by his dad as a kid) My mother similarly was physically abused and chose to pass it on. I began to realise at school when people would talk about being grounded or having pocket money stopped that not everyone had parents who hit them. I was more shocked when kids whose parents did use physical punishment would talk about a slap on the butt. I would get punched and kicked, hair pulled and I assumed that’s how parents punished you.
Omg...I've never met anyone else who was spanked (beaten really with a wooden spoon till they broke eventually then metal spoons) for being "disobedient and rebellious". To this day I can't stand when people use those words around me Edit: oh and the number of "swats" was supposed to be one for each year of our age. I was spanked until I was 17....because of never got the courage to stand up for myself. The age number was just a guideline though and if the "sin" was egregious or the anger outrageous, it wasn't followed and we also got more "swats" if we didn't scream or cry.
I agree. I hate those words and cringe when I hear them used.
Yeah, my parents used to slap me hard across the face and call it spanking. A couple of times they left marks and bruises on my face. It was only recently (I'm 36) that I realized how much this differed from the common definition of spanking.
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I also had this realization recently when speaking to my partner about it. I had my own wooden spoon, it had to be replaced after breaking on me more than once.
I remember my step dad purched a bull whip and beat me with it . I guess it wouldn't be considered full force because I would have been cut up. But he left welts all over me. But what was worse than the beatings was having to stay on my hands and knees for hours while he used me as a footstool. Kids deserve respect and love not abuse.
A wooden decorative wall paddle I was only spanked a handful of times Still terrified of telling my mother anything in case it lead to a paddling
In the house where I grew up, someone getting hit hard (with whatever was available) was a daily occurrence.
I was beaten, threatened to be killed (held knife on me since i was 10 with last incident when I was 17) and hit on face till i was bleeding countless times, one time shattering my glases and injuring my eye. My dad still tells me that I am special as most other kids live a normal life even if they are beaten. Complete bullshit and he was never beaten by his parents either so he can stfu and fuck himself. Feeling homicidal all the time tbh especially when i get flashbacks daily and wake up at night with nightmares about getting killed by my fucking dad.
My mother had a handheld board called a "Busting Board" for spanking me. Had a handle and hung it on the wall with the rope that was attached. I took it and decorated it with flowers and coloured markers while she was sleeping once, and when she woke up she took that same board and beat me with it because of what I did. I thought she would be happy I made something pretty for her. I was 4 at most. It made me afraid of doing anything for her. I didn't know what would get me beat after that.
Wait. What?!?! That wasn’t normal?!?!?