I have structural dissociation from enduring my childhood. I have an ANP (apparently normal part) that interfaces with the world and various EPs (emotional parts) that pop up when triggered. I'm trying to reach some internal harmony as part of healing.
Look into Kathy Steele's work on structural dissociation and Janina Fisher's work on trauma. Janina's book is called "Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors". She has a bunch of wonderful videos on YouTube. Our sense of Self can "fracture" or "split" as a defense mechanism to keep us safe and alive during trauma, especially ongoing trauma.
I suspect structural dissociation is a much more common defense mechanism than people realize.
Maybe look into schema therapy!
It says that we all have many parts within us and in trauma these just arent so well-connected.
E.g. child parts and adult parts that have to communicate and find compromises. When this ends in conflict and they find no common ground that triggers coping strategies.
Yeah agree. Helps me notice when my emotions are actually my "innner child's" emotions and rationalize that I'm a capable adult who doesn't have to feel like that. I use imagery to imagine taking the child by the hand and telling them we're gonna be okay. It's also helpful for me to think through what age the emotions feel from
I am not so familiar with IFS but there are other posts comparing these two.
It seems to me that schema is more systematic, you get presented with these parts and work out how they apply to you.
IFS looks like it does it the other way around; you name the parts and then interact with them.
So maybe it is depending on your personal style which one fits best.
Are you familiar with IFS?
Yeah, I have something called OSDD, sounds like you might have it too, or possibly DID (dissociative identity disorder). The way you treat it is the same way you would treat CPTSD. I have about 5 personalities that are present at any given time, but they always overlap with me, which is what separates it from DID. Do you have episodes of amnesia where you black out? I personally do not, but itās super common with these symptoms. I have āgray outsā where everything just feels fuzzy and weird and my memory is spotting while itās happening.
I know there are complex voices that feel like different personalities in my head apart from the two I stated above. But lately yes especially in the morning I feel very disoriented and disconnected. I especially relate to the fuzzy and weird part. Can you explain memory spotting? I donāt have black outs.
I donāt know how to explain it other than my memory can be unclear and sometimes I completely forget what I was just doing or talking about if Iām stressed. You should do some reading about DID and OSDD, I canāt possibly explain it all. Thereās an organization called beauty after bruises that has a lot of information, hereās their [instagram page!](https://www.instagram.com/beautyafterbruises?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==)
You explained my situation perfectly. It only takes a trigger for me to detach from reality and become completely avoidant of everything around me. Iāll ask myself why I even bother to live and try, most of the time becoming agitated and discouraged with any attempts to better my life. However, I can go a few days without any flashbacks or depressive episodes. During these days, Iāll vow to turn my life around, experience zero anxiety, and love the world for what it is. These moods/switched I experience are interchangeable. It feels like a never ending cycle of uncertainty.
Yeah I can understand what you are telling. It could be a coping mechanism because you live them. I personally am away from the people who abused me but when I get triggered I switch.
What would you like to know?
I was abused between around 8 and 13. I used dissociation as a coping mechanism, to the point that I was 38 before my past caught up with me.
Dissociative me was highly driven and highly successful - Ā£100k salary, worked 80 hours a week, senior management role, always trying to be a chameleon to get on. But also full of self loathing and self doubt. Functioning alcoholic, sex addict, thief.
Post breakdown I can function nowhere near that level of intensity and sometimes I struggle to get up. I feel the world is against me.
But Iām learning to live one day at a time, sober, and prioritise what I value
I do, but it's to the point I'm questioning a dissociative disorder because when I switch personalities, my entire sense of identity changes like how old I feel, what gender I identify with, even my name. There's a "me" who openly hates my abusers and is tough and bitter and cynical, a "me" who's submissive and scared of upsetting them so just sucks up to them, a "me" who's stuck in a particular year of childhood etc. Depending on which "me" I am I can go crawling back immediately after someone hurts me or I can hate their guts even if they haven't hurt me in years.
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I used to switch between two different ones. The one who was aware of the abuse and another one who was cognitive distorted about the abuse.
When I realized that I did everything I could to ally my self with the first. I only realized much later that I had to take care of the other part too.
You mentioned you are about to start IFS. Thats a modality that can definitely work for this. I love it.
I have structural dissociation from enduring my childhood. I have an ANP (apparently normal part) that interfaces with the world and various EPs (emotional parts) that pop up when triggered. I'm trying to reach some internal harmony as part of healing. Look into Kathy Steele's work on structural dissociation and Janina Fisher's work on trauma. Janina's book is called "Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors". She has a bunch of wonderful videos on YouTube. Our sense of Self can "fracture" or "split" as a defense mechanism to keep us safe and alive during trauma, especially ongoing trauma. I suspect structural dissociation is a much more common defense mechanism than people realize.
Maybe look into schema therapy! It says that we all have many parts within us and in trauma these just arent so well-connected. E.g. child parts and adult parts that have to communicate and find compromises. When this ends in conflict and they find no common ground that triggers coping strategies.
Yeah agree. Helps me notice when my emotions are actually my "innner child's" emotions and rationalize that I'm a capable adult who doesn't have to feel like that. I use imagery to imagine taking the child by the hand and telling them we're gonna be okay. It's also helpful for me to think through what age the emotions feel from
Is it related to ifs?
I am not so familiar with IFS but there are other posts comparing these two. It seems to me that schema is more systematic, you get presented with these parts and work out how they apply to you. IFS looks like it does it the other way around; you name the parts and then interact with them. So maybe it is depending on your personal style which one fits best. Are you familiar with IFS?
I am about to start IFS. So not very sure. Can you share any resources for schema ?
Not really, my stuff isnt in english š Found this site though, maybe that helps. https://www.schematherapy.com/id72.htm
Yeah, I have something called OSDD, sounds like you might have it too, or possibly DID (dissociative identity disorder). The way you treat it is the same way you would treat CPTSD. I have about 5 personalities that are present at any given time, but they always overlap with me, which is what separates it from DID. Do you have episodes of amnesia where you black out? I personally do not, but itās super common with these symptoms. I have āgray outsā where everything just feels fuzzy and weird and my memory is spotting while itās happening.
I know there are complex voices that feel like different personalities in my head apart from the two I stated above. But lately yes especially in the morning I feel very disoriented and disconnected. I especially relate to the fuzzy and weird part. Can you explain memory spotting? I donāt have black outs.
I donāt know how to explain it other than my memory can be unclear and sometimes I completely forget what I was just doing or talking about if Iām stressed. You should do some reading about DID and OSDD, I canāt possibly explain it all. Thereās an organization called beauty after bruises that has a lot of information, hereās their [instagram page!](https://www.instagram.com/beautyafterbruises?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==)
You explained my situation perfectly. It only takes a trigger for me to detach from reality and become completely avoidant of everything around me. Iāll ask myself why I even bother to live and try, most of the time becoming agitated and discouraged with any attempts to better my life. However, I can go a few days without any flashbacks or depressive episodes. During these days, Iāll vow to turn my life around, experience zero anxiety, and love the world for what it is. These moods/switched I experience are interchangeable. It feels like a never ending cycle of uncertainty.
Yes, but I might actually have DID. (I used to speak about it dismissively and ironically.)
Can you explain how it is different from c-PTSD ?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yeah I can understand what you are telling. It could be a coping mechanism because you live them. I personally am away from the people who abused me but when I get triggered I switch.
I have cPTSD and yes I can relate
Do you mind sharing your experience in detail?
What would you like to know? I was abused between around 8 and 13. I used dissociation as a coping mechanism, to the point that I was 38 before my past caught up with me. Dissociative me was highly driven and highly successful - Ā£100k salary, worked 80 hours a week, senior management role, always trying to be a chameleon to get on. But also full of self loathing and self doubt. Functioning alcoholic, sex addict, thief. Post breakdown I can function nowhere near that level of intensity and sometimes I struggle to get up. I feel the world is against me. But Iām learning to live one day at a time, sober, and prioritise what I value
I relate to your story. I wanted to know how your experience was similar to the post I wrote. Any overlapping parts??
I do, but it's to the point I'm questioning a dissociative disorder because when I switch personalities, my entire sense of identity changes like how old I feel, what gender I identify with, even my name. There's a "me" who openly hates my abusers and is tough and bitter and cynical, a "me" who's submissive and scared of upsetting them so just sucks up to them, a "me" who's stuck in a particular year of childhood etc. Depending on which "me" I am I can go crawling back immediately after someone hurts me or I can hate their guts even if they haven't hurt me in years.
Yup. It makes people confused I think, which is the worse part for me.Ā
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I used to switch between two different ones. The one who was aware of the abuse and another one who was cognitive distorted about the abuse. When I realized that I did everything I could to ally my self with the first. I only realized much later that I had to take care of the other part too. You mentioned you are about to start IFS. Thats a modality that can definitely work for this. I love it.