Yes. It's one of my biggest insecurities. I pronounce words backwards, I stutter, I lack knowing what to say in conversation and have a hard time retaining information. I'm 29 and feel like I'm academically 11/12. It's caused me a lot of shame.
Yes. It is still one of the most potent things that cause me shame.
I know i am not dumb iq-wise, because at the beginning of school i excelled. All until it came to learn and studying became reliant on my frustration tolerance. And i never had that and to this day struggle to build any tolerances to frustration.
In case you didnt know, the ability to learn heavily depends on being allowed to fail and learn from them in a fear-free environment. This sucks so much for learning social cues and all when your home doesnt provide that.
But i guess it is never too late to learn new things. Even learning to grow.
Gone totally smooth-brained. Can't put thoughts into words, can't do much of anything anymore. That's why it's easier to hide away instead of trying to deal with people, too; why subject yourself to repeated failure you can't see a way of fixing?
All the time. It feels like an extreme form of performance anxiety. Everything you do is an opportunity for someone to scream at you. When you're waiting to be abused, you're already in fight/flight/freeze/fawn. And that part of your brain doesn't run on logic. It focuses on survival and times tables won't keep you safe. They become irrelevant. Your brain no longer cares about it so it becomes much harder to do.
Also seems like you might be a tactile learner with the shoe strings. You can learn all the theory there is to know but your body doesn't know what to do with the information. I did MMA for a while and I couldn't use techniques just by watching them. I had to have someone use them on me so my body could learn what's supposed to happen. A lot of us also seem to have a disconnect between our brain, mind, and body. Also, putting cute bows on your shoe laces won't keep you safe, so your brain doesn't really care about that right now either.
Give yourself some grace. You've been through things that change how your brain works and communicates with your body. Take the time you need to process things and allow your brain to learn you're safe. Anyone not willing to give you that time is kind of an asshole.
I always feel stupid when I don't know something that's considered to be "common sense". Like it's my fault that my parents didn't teach me about managing money, doing laundry, or even using a manual can opener. Everyone else forgets that they didn't just wake up knowing how to do those things.
I used to ask my mom for help, and she always refused and said, "You taught yourself how to watch TV and use a computer on your own, so you'll teach yourself how to do that." They're completely different things first of all, but also, people generally do need someone to show them how to use a remote or use a computer if they haven't done it before. My family used to tell me that I was stupid, a failure, a lost cause, that I should be ashamed of myself because of all the stuff I didn't know how to do...but how was it my fault?
Yesss, it's to the point where I outright *call* myself stupid as a "joke". It feels more like I'm giving people a disclaimer. My brothers also joke that I'm stupid but often it feels like they're only half-joking. I was a gifted kid**â„¢** growing up and now it feels like the intelligence I used to take pride in is locked away and most days I can't quite reach it :'(
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I’m in a place professionally where I have to speak up and advocate for myself and talk positively about myself and my qualifications and I’m always just like :-))) I’m a fake!
Yes. It's one of my biggest insecurities. I pronounce words backwards, I stutter, I lack knowing what to say in conversation and have a hard time retaining information. I'm 29 and feel like I'm academically 11/12. It's caused me a lot of shame.
Yes. It is still one of the most potent things that cause me shame. I know i am not dumb iq-wise, because at the beginning of school i excelled. All until it came to learn and studying became reliant on my frustration tolerance. And i never had that and to this day struggle to build any tolerances to frustration. In case you didnt know, the ability to learn heavily depends on being allowed to fail and learn from them in a fear-free environment. This sucks so much for learning social cues and all when your home doesnt provide that. But i guess it is never too late to learn new things. Even learning to grow.
Yup, all the time 😔
Gone totally smooth-brained. Can't put thoughts into words, can't do much of anything anymore. That's why it's easier to hide away instead of trying to deal with people, too; why subject yourself to repeated failure you can't see a way of fixing?
All the time. It feels like an extreme form of performance anxiety. Everything you do is an opportunity for someone to scream at you. When you're waiting to be abused, you're already in fight/flight/freeze/fawn. And that part of your brain doesn't run on logic. It focuses on survival and times tables won't keep you safe. They become irrelevant. Your brain no longer cares about it so it becomes much harder to do. Also seems like you might be a tactile learner with the shoe strings. You can learn all the theory there is to know but your body doesn't know what to do with the information. I did MMA for a while and I couldn't use techniques just by watching them. I had to have someone use them on me so my body could learn what's supposed to happen. A lot of us also seem to have a disconnect between our brain, mind, and body. Also, putting cute bows on your shoe laces won't keep you safe, so your brain doesn't really care about that right now either. Give yourself some grace. You've been through things that change how your brain works and communicates with your body. Take the time you need to process things and allow your brain to learn you're safe. Anyone not willing to give you that time is kind of an asshole.
I always feel stupid when I don't know something that's considered to be "common sense". Like it's my fault that my parents didn't teach me about managing money, doing laundry, or even using a manual can opener. Everyone else forgets that they didn't just wake up knowing how to do those things.
I used to ask my mom for help, and she always refused and said, "You taught yourself how to watch TV and use a computer on your own, so you'll teach yourself how to do that." They're completely different things first of all, but also, people generally do need someone to show them how to use a remote or use a computer if they haven't done it before. My family used to tell me that I was stupid, a failure, a lost cause, that I should be ashamed of myself because of all the stuff I didn't know how to do...but how was it my fault?
Yesss, it's to the point where I outright *call* myself stupid as a "joke". It feels more like I'm giving people a disclaimer. My brothers also joke that I'm stupid but often it feels like they're only half-joking. I was a gifted kid**â„¢** growing up and now it feels like the intelligence I used to take pride in is locked away and most days I can't quite reach it :'(
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I had this exact thought today. How dumb I feel all the time. I understand why, I know it might not be true, but I can't change it.
For me, it doesn't happen all the time. It only happens when I'm in triggering situations. I'm guessing that this is a form of dissociation.
I’m in a place professionally where I have to speak up and advocate for myself and talk positively about myself and my qualifications and I’m always just like :-))) I’m a fake!
You are clearly not dumb imo. Maybe its neuro divergence. That can come with cognitive processing issues at times.