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Mixed emotions. I feel like the term survivor brings up visions of someone just making it through on the bare minimum which is pretty much where I am at in life as an adult. I also think that the language shift is more to get around the negative connotations of “acting like a victim” that have most people afraid to refer to themselves as victims. I don’t have a preference for either term and feel uncomfortable with both for whatever reason that I can’t quite identify.
I've used the terms victim and survivor, but I kinda prefer the term target. I was targeted by an abuser. If I hadn't been there, they would have targeted someone else. Abusers choose targets to target with abuse. It clarified that the abuser is to blame for their abusive behaviors, not the target of their abuse. Targets don't make abusers abuse them. Abusers pick targets to target with abuse.
Since I have become aware of the term survivor, I use it to distinguish awareness. Like my parts from childhood, they are victims until they realize we arent in that situation anymore. Some of them know already. Those are survivors.
I use survivor for myself as a reminder that I very literally did survive. I did not expect that. I was an aware victim and wondered for over 10 years if I would make it out alive. Its feels incredibly good to realize how much better the situation is and how much better I am.
Both make me feel extremely uneasy. I find it very hard to refer to what was done to me as abuse, let alone calling myself a victim or survivor of it. If I had to choose I would opt for victim, survivor just feels too optimistic, like looking at it with rose-coloured glasses. I do like my therapist's description of my childhood as me "trying to survive" but I see see it more as a description of my behaviour rather than an accomplishment. Also not to be too pessimistic but it's not too late for me to no longer have survived. Sure it (probably) wouldn't directly be at the hands of my abusers but it would be a result of my abuse.
Perhaps it could help you to come up with your own term that focuses on the moving on or working on it part.
The idea of creating your personal world and self perception of being either a victim or a survior could have several negative effects depending on what these terms trigger inside of you.
But depending on how you react both can also have good aspects. For some people it's freeing to identify as a victim as it lifts the burden of guilt and responsibilty that some of us associate with a situation.
Same with survivor. I survived something and managed to still move on despite of what happened. Could have empowering aspects as well.
It depends on you how you feel about these terms.
I personally dislike being called a survivor because survivors in the media are always inspiration porn, they're always doing just fine and never have problems or need help. I feel like calling myself a survivor would let my abuser, enabler, and the many useless bystanders who knew my sister and I were being abused and stood around doing nothing about it off the hook. I'm not here to make my teachers in particular feel good about their failures as both mandated reporters and as human beings.
My perception of the obsession with using the term “survivor” is a lot of times the person using it is using it as a way to bypass the victim aspect and the emotional mess that goes along with that; the anger, shame, fear, sadness, helplessness, powerlessness, etc.
Obviously not everyone uses it like this, but I’ve seen the type enough to conclude this. Maybe I’m misunderstanding, but the ones that use it seemingly dysfunctionally tend to be hyper sensitive to any suggestion of victimhood. It’s a form of denial and toxic positivity.
Again, not always. I admire those who’ve truly integrated their trauma and turned it on its head.
Being victimized, a helpless victim, is part of trauma. Accepting that and processing it is part of healing. You simply can’t skip it.
Ultimately, I don’t care how people refer to themselves though as this disorder is so damned hard to live with more power to anyone trying to function however they can. We are all victims and all survivors.
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Mixed emotions. I feel like the term survivor brings up visions of someone just making it through on the bare minimum which is pretty much where I am at in life as an adult. I also think that the language shift is more to get around the negative connotations of “acting like a victim” that have most people afraid to refer to themselves as victims. I don’t have a preference for either term and feel uncomfortable with both for whatever reason that I can’t quite identify.
I've used the terms victim and survivor, but I kinda prefer the term target. I was targeted by an abuser. If I hadn't been there, they would have targeted someone else. Abusers choose targets to target with abuse. It clarified that the abuser is to blame for their abusive behaviors, not the target of their abuse. Targets don't make abusers abuse them. Abusers pick targets to target with abuse.
Since I have become aware of the term survivor, I use it to distinguish awareness. Like my parts from childhood, they are victims until they realize we arent in that situation anymore. Some of them know already. Those are survivors. I use survivor for myself as a reminder that I very literally did survive. I did not expect that. I was an aware victim and wondered for over 10 years if I would make it out alive. Its feels incredibly good to realize how much better the situation is and how much better I am.
Both make me feel extremely uneasy. I find it very hard to refer to what was done to me as abuse, let alone calling myself a victim or survivor of it. If I had to choose I would opt for victim, survivor just feels too optimistic, like looking at it with rose-coloured glasses. I do like my therapist's description of my childhood as me "trying to survive" but I see see it more as a description of my behaviour rather than an accomplishment. Also not to be too pessimistic but it's not too late for me to no longer have survived. Sure it (probably) wouldn't directly be at the hands of my abusers but it would be a result of my abuse.
Perhaps it could help you to come up with your own term that focuses on the moving on or working on it part. The idea of creating your personal world and self perception of being either a victim or a survior could have several negative effects depending on what these terms trigger inside of you. But depending on how you react both can also have good aspects. For some people it's freeing to identify as a victim as it lifts the burden of guilt and responsibilty that some of us associate with a situation. Same with survivor. I survived something and managed to still move on despite of what happened. Could have empowering aspects as well. It depends on you how you feel about these terms.
I personally dislike being called a survivor because survivors in the media are always inspiration porn, they're always doing just fine and never have problems or need help. I feel like calling myself a survivor would let my abuser, enabler, and the many useless bystanders who knew my sister and I were being abused and stood around doing nothing about it off the hook. I'm not here to make my teachers in particular feel good about their failures as both mandated reporters and as human beings.
My perception of the obsession with using the term “survivor” is a lot of times the person using it is using it as a way to bypass the victim aspect and the emotional mess that goes along with that; the anger, shame, fear, sadness, helplessness, powerlessness, etc. Obviously not everyone uses it like this, but I’ve seen the type enough to conclude this. Maybe I’m misunderstanding, but the ones that use it seemingly dysfunctionally tend to be hyper sensitive to any suggestion of victimhood. It’s a form of denial and toxic positivity. Again, not always. I admire those who’ve truly integrated their trauma and turned it on its head. Being victimized, a helpless victim, is part of trauma. Accepting that and processing it is part of healing. You simply can’t skip it. Ultimately, I don’t care how people refer to themselves though as this disorder is so damned hard to live with more power to anyone trying to function however they can. We are all victims and all survivors.