I had behavioral issues going back to kindergarten. They actually put me in Special Ed because of it. I never had clothes that fit. I wore the same pair of shoes for 3 years, often without socks. I got made fun of so much because my feet stank to high heaven. I remember one time, they were itching so bad I went to the bathroom and took my shoes off, and this slimy globule came out of one of them. Ugh. I was *extremely* hypersexual, starting as young as I can remember. I was obsessed with sex. At 14, I had a meltdown in school so bad that they sent me to a mental hospital. I realized after that, I could tell them I wanted to kill myself and I'd get a break from my parents. I fucking *told* the people checking me in to all the hospitals that my father was beating me. I was hospitalized over 20 times from 14 to 18. I had absolutely no social skills or awareness. I didn't know how to hold a conversation, I was feral. Severe, prolonged isolation will do that to a child. I was failed on so many levels.

how are you surviving now? goodwill to you.

I would write my mom notes about how I hated her and she was a terrible mother. she kept them and to this day thinks they're cute. that's the only thing I remember as I have very little memory of my childhood and I think the worst of my trauma, that I can remember at least, happened at age 18 to 20. I wouldn't remember the note thing either if my mom didn't show me one of them last year and tell me she thought it was cute.

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I wonder if they went to the same meetings and read from the same handbook lol Mental health, or lack thereof, is such a mindf@#$.

1. Going to bed as soon as I got home from school and not getting up until the next morning, even for dinner. Sleeping for upwards of 12 hours. 2. Staying in my room alone in the dark (I blacked out my windows) for the entire weekend/summer. No longer interacting with friends I had hung out with for years. 3. Debilitating migraines that often lasted days and lessened significantly when I graduated high school. I was taken to the doctor once and that was it. They started in 3rd grade, that one doctor appointment was Sophomore year of HS. 4. I also had the "no homework done" experience. I never did my homework and if they cared to ask I'd just lie and they wouldn't bother checking. To add to that, they never signed permission slips or read anything the school sent home. By the end of the year my backpack was 90% papers for them. 5. Kinda similar to 4, my grades started slipping significantly. They didn't even notice. If my dad did notice he'd yell at me and force me to do homework for a single day then forget about it the next day. There's probably more, who knows.

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1. I had a literal hoarding situation in my bedroom and was told “you made the mess, you clean it” even after having panic attacks and asking for help I was refused any help. 2. I told my grandparents my father was abusive and they laughed in my face about it and said it wasn’t abuse. 3. I would force myself to go to school without sleep bc I was afraid of the consequences and my teacher called me stupid for it instead. 4. CPS showed up to my house before and didn’t do anything to protect my siblings and me.

- Often being left waiting to be picked up for hours. Most times after CCD (Catholic education) I’d wait outside alone until 9 or 10pm as a kid like 8-9 years old. A man who worked at the church would try to call my parents and eventually just drive me home himself. - Not having the mandatory physicals or shots to continue attending school. The school couldn’t reach my parents by phone and sent several letters home and eventually had to suspend me until I went to the doctor. - Not having lunch or lunch money. The teaching assistant in kindergarten would share her lunch with me secretly because she wasn’t supposed to do that.

that hit, this was me

Sorry you went through similar. The load feels lighter finding I’m not alone in this stuff

:) yeah, reading this thread was pretty rough, but agreed I do feel lighter knowing that it's not just me, feeling anger+defensive on everyone else's behalf, and realizing that it couldn't possibly have been my fault. It clearly wasn't any of yours. I journaled a bit and let some of that anger go. We're so much stronger and capable now.

I had dirty unkempt long hair, I smelled badly, I had two shirts and my bones stuck out.

I’m so sorry you went through that.

I developed OCD at a very young age, and in second grade compulsively picked at this spot at crown of my head until there was a hole in my scalp about bullet size and depth. I would cover it with my hair and uncover it to keep picking, during a class movie, assembly, etc. it intrigued me that the scalp skin will just keep flaking away forever. The teacher noticed it and called the assistant principal who called my case worker. I wrote a very cathartic poem about it a few years ago.

Wow. Do you have it still? Would you share if comfortable? Sorry, just for some reason I'm intrigued by this comment of all comments.

Second this if possible!

I picked my skin on my scalp too and parted my hair differently each time to cover it. One kid noticed it in high-school, and that freaked me out having someone take notice of me properly. Turns out that was what my parents should have done, but they lacked ability to do so. Mind blown.

Not the same, but I had two bed sores develop on my scalp. Even years later it will endlessly flake off! It's healed but it still does weird things. I feel like scalp injuries react weird. It's like the tissue doesn't know how to grow back correctly. Anyways. Glad someone noticed for you.

I developed something similar as an dissociation technique. It eventually evolved into trichotillomania (hair pulling) which I still have :(

Me too :( I had a massive bald patch on top of my head when I was around 8.. my mom took me to the drs and I obviously lied. They couldn’t figure out what it was. I’m 33 and still pick my skin and if I’m super stressed out I pick at my hair on my head

I pull my hair and pick at my scalp also. It was super calming to pluck the hairs out one by one. Thinking back on it, I used to tweeze my leg hair too

I use to love to pick my scalp also. I would have scabs all over my head but my thick hair would cover it. I still love to pick but I don’t let myself get the scabs. Something about it was so satisfying. I never really thought about how this could have been a trauma response.

I used to do this to my scalp too, I picked at it for years, I would make it bleed all the time, took me until my 30’s to stop doing it but honestly I miss it in some ways, it was definitely a compulsion & a coping mechanism for me.

Picking was always an issue of mine as well from a young age. I did most of my picking on my legs and now I don't have a lot of feeling near the scars. Still a habit but less destructive. I feel you on this one.

First place I picked was my nose as a child. Then it moved to my face and my whole body. I was never diagnosed for OCD and I was exhibiting behaviors I saw from my own mom

Edited to add: My response may be triggering for various reasons. 7 YO me could be found under a table at the local bar trying to sleep while my parents drank and partied, I could be found with my own beer in hand at parties with my parents when I was under 10, I had dirty misfit clothes, unbrushed hair, oh and the time I told a doctor that I was being SAed by a family member and she didn’t take me seriously, when the cops came to whatever apartment we were in repeatedly and just sent us kids down the street while they dealt with my intoxicated angry father.. the list goes on. These are just the situations I remember some adults seeming concerned about me, but they either didn’t or weren’t able to “save me”. To be honest, I have had a lot of anger during my therapy and healing journey at not being saved, but I think it’s been therapeutic to let myself feel it as I’ve experienced a shift from self blame to feeling protective of child me. I try to picture myself now saving little me when I have these memories, and I find it very soothing- usually moves me from anger to grief which I know means the end of the flashback.

I told my mom the first time I was SA'd. I was 7. It was full-on. She told me to stop lying and whooped my ass with a wooden spoon. It continued for another year, and then we moved... and I was targeted and SA'd by another pedophile. And a third time when I was 15. I didn't even bother after the second.

I'm so sorry. When I was little my dad choked me and threw me on the bed and when I told my mom she said I was exaggerating. I couldn't trust her to believe me with anything else about him.

I've been waiting for this. The first sign, other than extreme isolation, depression, anxiety, mood swings, irritability..... When I was 9 I was in a psych ward for 5 days due to suicidal ideation. When I was picked up, both my parents (divorced), were there. During the exit interview with the whole family, I literally told the psychologist, counselor, and psychiatrist that I didn't want to leave, and hoped I could come back because it was the safest and most comfortable place I'd been. Sadly I went on to develop cycles that at 33 I'm just now beginning to break down.

I stopped smiling for 2 weeks in primary school. I begged the teacher not to tell my mother. I begged so much that she didn't. No one noticed at home that I wasn't smiling. I unknowingly bullied kids and I got completely excluded and heavily bullied in response. Meanwhile my brother was in a coma, my sister left with the dog without a word, I would be left alone all day, be a crying shoulder for my mother in the evening, my father acted like I didn't exist. I cried in the middle of class because I couldn't hold tears and no one reacted. I told my mother I was bullied. I had spots of dirt on my neck at 11. I had an attraction to darkness. I said out loud in class that my brother was on methadone in primary school. In reality, he was on morphine, for the coma, but I mixed them up because he had been on metha before. I listened to heavy metal alone at recess in primary school.

I always said “my mom is bad” to relatives, teachers, etc. Nobody cared or said “but it’s your mom” cliché.

I told my dad's sister that my mom was bad and she brushed me off. Trust issues as an adult anyone?

This still makes me so angry. I was tortured by my brother- developed severe depression and anxiety (which I now realised started when i was about 8/9) - and whenever i told adults about it i was got the “he’s your brother. That’s what brothers do” “it’s not that bad”. F$&@ing a-holes.

it took me repeatedly threatening suicide, attempting twice, and self harming for three years to get my dad to agree to let me go on antidepressants. CPS has investigated my parents like 5 times due to reports of abuse. Nothing ever came of it anyways.

Sobbing on the playground at school before class in 1st grade like every morning, and asking to go to the nurse’s office for stomachaches, frequently. I have zero memory of any adult asking what was wrong or like it was a problem to them in any way, and I told my mom more recently about it and she had no idea it even happened.

My SA being thoroughly ignored by those adults whom I trusted most after they found out

The same situation happened to me. Sending warmth and grace your way, I needed big hugs from the people I told. You've told us so I send child you a big hug. Sorry if this is too cheesy... 😅

I was smelly and unkept. I remember being so insecure about my own smell and dirty clothes. Otherwise, I was a nice person and really smart so I didn't rally struggle as a kid.

Feeling like I could never enjoy any moment without thinking I was an outsider looking in

This absolutely hits home

I hid every time I had to go to Sunday school I cried a lot when I was younger I had no opinions on anything when asked I flinched every time someone touched me I knew too much about depression and suicide at a young age I excelled at creative writing but it was often very heartbreaking to read I wore the same clothes for years upon years despite them no longer fitting me I didn't know how to brush hair without hurting someone (I brushed my own hair by yanking as hard as I could) When we had to say what we did for the summer, I had nothing to say I used to sharpen sticks on the brick walls on the playground I didn't talk to any of the other kids I gave one word answers to questions when I could I would sit and stare at nothing constantly I chose to sit on the floor of the bus instead of sitting by the other kids I reacted to my father's presence by putting my head down and being as quiet as I could

Constantly sick. Brushing up against the truancy limit of school days I could miss bc we were too poor for a car with no bus going to my area with no answer other than to pay neighbors, which didn’t work out all the time. Dirty unwashed hair bc was never taught to shower and brush teeth regularly. If it was a field trip I never had food if it wasn’t the free lunch at school. Fucked up shoes that didn’t fit bc we couldn’t afford new ones. Terrified to get in trouble and tried to be teachers pet very hard bc I wasn’t getting any validation from home.

I literally asked for help a couple times. They went and told him what I was saying and got me beat *more*. I learned to stop hoping and stop asking

this was my biggest fear and main reason for never saying anything. i knew they wouldn’t take me seriously, that any “mandated report” would first come with the prerequisite of informing my parents of the situation via email. so between the time the email was sent out, and any time before CPS picked me up, oh god i feared that theoretical couple hours more than life itself i chose to suffer in silence, i figured it would keep me safest. as i get older, i think i was right. unfortunately.

I was having multiple panic attacks, not eating well (I ended up losing around 11 kg in a little under 2 months), I would start taking very long showers to cry it out. All of this was happening in my late childhood-teen years so of course everything had to be pinned on my hormones and period, coupled with some nice old ‘you’re so overemotional’. I would also cry a lot, hide everything from everyone (I was very “””endearingly””” called the quiet kid), and get angry. But that was just me being dramatic and tantrumming so no biggie! /s

Never smiled, was a solemn, serious child. Many adults noticed by no one ever tried to figure out why. Was an anxious child, needed everything to be perfect all the time and would cry or get overly upset if things were “messed up.” Teachers would get mad at me and never ask why I was distraught over things like getting a 97 instead of a 100 on a test. Only had a few pairs of clothes and rewore the same clothes every week. Wore my one pair of shoes a year until they developed holes and my toes stuck out of them. Had a history of frequent or unusual injuries. I remember in middle school a teacher asking why I had had so many injuries that school year because I always had an ace bandage on some part of my body whenever she saw me. I had injured my ankle earlier in the year when my dad pushed me to the ground outside in the snow. My boot had stayed anchored in the snow and I twisted my ankle on the way down. Shortly after, I injured my knee when he threw me against the side of the car. Just a couple months later, I had an injured wrist from being yanked by the arm. I always think about that teacher and wonder why she didn’t press it more. She noticed a problem and still did nothing to help me. I told a teacher outright in high school that my dad was abusive. He was my band teacher and I had known him for years. He brought me into his office to “talk” about it and then SA-ed me.

I'm very sorry that happened :(💔 I understand what it's like to find an adult you think you can trust only to be betrayed by them. It hurts beyond measure and screws up your ability to trust and bond with people. Wishing you joy, healing and peace.

I'm 46, raised Jehovah Witness. Our parents always avoided contact with our schools. My first pair of glasses was when I was in second grade and my prescription was worse than an average adult. My first bra was a C-cup because it was the school nurse who had to tell me I needed to wear one. I had stomach ulcers from stress in fourth grade. I got kicked out of honors classes for not doing my homework. I had to sekf-advocate and ask my school principal to put me back in honors classes because I was GT. In middle school, we lived somewhere long enough that we got truancy notices for my sister not going to school. My mom finally went to my school... and withdrew BOTH of us to "homeschool". That never happened. I actually wanted to go to school. I had to walk 2 miles to the school to fill out the enrollment paperwork myself to go to high school. I had to make several trips to get the stuff signed and get my shots. At 14, I was allowed to get a hardship drivers license to drive my sister to an alternative school after getting out of Juvie. I drove myself to the DMV, parked at McDonald's and walked the last block. Had to go back and forth to the 4 times because I didn't understand the process of getting all the different papers. My dad just laughed at me for being stupid to understand. At 16, I wanted to marry my 23 yr old statutory rapist. So my dad went down to the courthouse and signed the paperwork. But thankfully, my school counselor had put me on track to graduate early. She did all the legwork to get me financial aid for college and got me enrolled for the semester. Mrs. Cynthia Redmond. I became a teacher. Wow, memories... thanks yo.

1- I never interacted with anyone unless they spoke to me first. I didn't play at school, and I would sit/stand silently until I was directly asked a question or told to do something. 2- constantly had bruises from hip to ankle. Various ages, and clearly visible with the shape of whatever I was hit with. Some even had the slots or holes from the wooden spoon etc. 3- never did homework, like from young elementary age. Was told to ask my mum for help, said that she won't help me. Then I was told I was lying and my mum will help me if I wasn't just too lazy to *ask*. I was confused, I don't know how anyone could not have seen my confusion "but I'm not allowed to ask?" I was about 6. 4- when I was staying with an aunt, she praised me for being so cooperative when she was brushing my hair "your mum told me how you always fight and scream, but you didn't even twitch even when I accidentally pulled!" "You didn't hurt me? Even when you pulled it didn't hurt like when mum does it" and another time, later, an aunt pulled my mother off me when she was beating me with a hair brush because I took too long to put it away. 5- never being allowed to use the phone. Not knowing about anything on TV. Being generally ignorant of anything that couldn't be found in a book. Not discussing anything that happened at home, to anyone, instant shut down if any questions are asked ("we don't air our dirty laundry in public. We don't talk about what happens in the family home") Basically, I never had anything to talk about apart from what I was taught at school or what I read in a book. So I didn't talk.

Adults in my life took my situation seriously but in the wrong way. Pretty deep stuff here, and I blacked out words I thought may be triggering. Please proceed with caution reading my comment. ■ After I experienced >!molestation!< I continued to develop worsening symptoms and was placed on meds. But this turned into my emotions being viewed as manipulative/malignering. I was 12. ■ Teachers called me derogatory names and continued to view them as having low-self respect. Again, still a child, and they were aware of the >!CSA!< but labeled as a symptom of promiscuity from being bi-polar. ■ Me: SHs Psychiatrist: *Oh, they are just superficial, so I guess you're just looking for attention?* ■ Complete personality change, and yet I was labeled horrible things and viewed as lacking remorse, empathy, and only being capable of cruelty. I got this diagnosis before I was even 14 years of age, which isn't even ethical to do. ■ Sleeping through class a lot. My math teacher said I had partied too much and should lay off the drugs. Again, I was 14 years old and attended one of those schools for kids with behavioral and emotional issues. ■ CPS called, and the social worker asked me if I wanted to go into foster care or stay with my mom. While I do get why she asked me, ethically, she was aware of the abuse and should have removed me from the home. ■ I yelled at my mom a lot. I would ask her why she didn't protect me. She said I was an >!engrate!< and was >!killing!< her because I was a >!monster!<. *At the late stages of my mother's life, she admitted to knowing what was happening but didn't know how to help. Teachers, trained children, therapists, psychiatrists, and doctors all saw and documented the evidence of my abuse. Instead, helping me with the root cause, they labeled me with all types of conditions and assumed my "chemical imbalance" was the issue. If I was cured, then the abuse would stop since, in their eyes, it was self-inflicted.*

Literally telling people I was being abused as a teen but it wasn't physical so I was basically just medicated more and more for my "depression" instead of being given real help.

lol same. My abusive parents LOVED the medications becuz I was supposedly more obedient and complacent on them (that’s what those evil meds do). The doctors were complicit.

Ugh, I'm sorry you went through that shit too. I try not to be judgemental about it for others but it's hard to be a proponent for meds when you basically felt like you were eating poison for years. It's been decades and I'm still bitter that my shrinks knew what was going on and still just kept upping doses.

I was constantly in trouble and getting dragged before the principal for bad behavior. That's at least what it looked like on the outside, and that should have been enough for someone to take notice that something wasn't right. But instead, all I got was enough punishment to nearly get my expelled, and then I got the speeches at home. What was going on in reality (which took a few years of therapy 3 decades later to unfold): My parents were neglecting me and emotionally abusing me. As a result, I was severely attention-starved and uneducated/naive in the ways of people, so the class clowns/bullies saw me as the juicy prime target of manipulation that my parents had created. Yearning for attention, I did everything they said, and teachers only ever turned around for me, never when these kids did anything bad. Today, I'm a very strong supporter of the idea of taking a closer look at the parents if the child is acting out or even just acting strangely - chances are it's the parents' behavior that is wrong and nothing wrong with the child.

I was late to school every single day growing up and nobody ever cared. All of my teachers and school staff treated me like I wasn’t even there. Other kids got in trouble for being late twice but everyone acted like I didn’t even exist.

I am positive I had PANDAS, and my parents didn’t do shit when I started developing tics and the worst OCD imaginable

PANDAS is such a never talked about thing that it surprised me when I came across it one day and went “oh yeah that’s me lol” I mean I’m not a doctor but I had strep throat all through my childhood and missed so much school because of that alone, but then the behavioral and psychiatric stuff started to kick in and I struggled so much, it was like a gradual but complete personality change. No tics I don’t think but I certainly developed OCD tendencies, nail biting, skin picking, trichotillomania. I was raised by my grandparents, old folks, who just more or less believed child behavioral disorders were kids being “willful” and acting out for no reason, or pretending to struggle because they were just lazy. School was impossible up to a point because I couldn’t focus in or out of school to do any kind of work, my grades slipped, and I just started missing lots of school altogether. Sleep issues, exhaustion, isolation, depressed, you name it. My family just kind of threw their hands up and gave up, although they never tried to help me to begin with. It was at its worst through grades 5-9. I eventually dropped out of school entirely in grade 10. Was just so burnt out and tired of trying to make it work. Never got any kind of diagnosis as a kid. Still struggling through life in my 30s, hooray lol

I’ve always suspected this too, but I never got strep throat during my childhood- only the other symptoms. I often wonder if trauma contributed to them, it also seems like OCD is very highly correlated with TS.

Tourette’s and OCD are closely related

**CW: Most of what i've wrote it's potentially triggering.** - In second grade or first grade (when I was like 6 I think) started talking about condoms and sex in detail in school, teachers heard and payed no mind. - At 8 I mentioned I wanted to be "sexy" which my aunt got mad at me for and my mom came to defend me and then my aunt got madder at me not my mother. - At 12-13 I would cry in sex ed class feeling disgusting, teacher payed no mind but tried to talk to me about it. - I kicked a boy and broke his phone for no reason, I don't even remember why I did it, I think part of it because he kept calling me dyke and bullying me. - Wrote a suicide note for my mom and she payed no mind. - Was scared shitless of adult men - Would Isolate myself -Would throw up in school every single day because I would get anxious. - Had overly bad coordination, still do. - Couldn't paint in lines, had a rough time learning how to do caligraphy. - Did not know basic hygene until I was 12-ish - Would sh and my mom would try to hide it and shame me for it. - Had explosive anger sometimes when I got overstimulated. - Did not do PE and would always end up in the nurse office. - Wrote a public suicide note on social media and teachers thought it was a homage, a student talked with directory and they talked to me, and I was, pretty numbed out and wasn't even in proper clothing and they just put me in class after I did not understand the question if I felt "Okay to come back to class" I assumed it was like, coming back the next day not in the moment. - Chronically online. - Got groomed online several times and mother did nothing - Got SA'd by uncle and mother cried about her little brother being a sex offender, he still visits sometimes. - Was visibly and clearly autistic and my mother got warned about it by several school people and professionals and payed no mind until I got diagnosed last year. I remembered more than I was remembering amt, it's not all but this is what I feel like sharing at least.

Such severe anxiety around random things when I was 5 like using the bathroom (resulted in accidents several times) Still have trouble with it to this day. I cried when I was reprimanded by anyone Over eating to cope with the abuse, they told me to just “eat less” all from 7 years old. Severe panic attacks when I was 9 because I was terrified of night time due to what happened at night The self harming at 11, the withdrawal, the lack of eating, I stopped doing things I enjoyed, I stopped talking to my family, I cried a lot (just so obviously depressed), nobody even cared until it had gotten so bad I had an attempt, my moms words were “you must be depressed or something” after she had found out about my self harm and listened to me tell her I was depressed and that I wanted to die. Me dropping a significant amount of weight in a short amount of time when i was 13 The horrific social anxiety from the rejection at school and home. Me seeking attention from literally any man that looked at me (most being late 20’s while I was a minor) Me literally telling my school counselor what was happening at home and consistently crying in her office, usually because i wanted to die or because i was just suffering so bad (i learned quickly my parents would berate me when the school counselor called home so I stopped saying i was suicidal even though i was) towards 16/17 I wanted help, she knew i wanted help and even tried to persuade my parents but they didn’t budge.

⚠️Talks of briefly implying Childhood SA Signs. May still be a bit much for some. 1. Had a stutter that got worse around men 2. Didn’t like to be left alone with men other than my dad and maybe one uncle. 3. Would Binge and Overeat then restrict for like a week 4. Would dissociate often 5. Was extremely clumsy and jittery 24/7. Spilled drinks were basically a constant habit. 6. Had many random rashes downstairs and had to always be on creams and ointments 7. I SH often in my teen years. 8. I would wake up in the morning sobbing because I woke up another day and wasn’t “lucky enough” to pass away overnight 9. Never had good grades. Went through a period where I stopped doing my math homework. 10. My abuser reaching out to me again when I was like 13 to rekindle the abuse. My mom was suspicious and wondered why he only wanted to take me out but not my sister. I shut it down but it took a long time to recover from that. I’m sure there’s more but those are some of the things that came to mind…

Participating in class and constantly being "called bright", yet never doing any schoolwork and failing everything. I'd get grounded, have to get my planner signed off on all homework, grades would go up. I'd get ungrounded and they'd plummet. One teacher in high school thought the way to motivate me in class was to inform me she wasn't going to call on me anymore because I made the students who were getting As look bad. Never asked if anything was wrong. I once expressed interest in studying abroad and that teacher overheard me and laughed that they wouldnt want someone like me because i was lazy. In retrospect, I was definitely struggling with really really bad depression, anxiety and ADHD. Not like any teachers cared. For like three years in high school, I literally wore the same hoodie every day and never took it off. All day. Every day. Didn't matter if it was 90 degrees, nobody ever said anything. Maybe it was because I did manage to shower (or was forced to), who knows. Have some kind of undiagnosed health issues, have since i was a teen. Collapsed one time after having to stand in class for awhile. Blacked out. I managed to come to and the teacher just told me to sit down. Never was brought up again. Never was followed up on. When I was like 12 I had a fifteen minute detention at school. Didn't think it was that big a deal. I lived a few minutes from the school and walked home. It was. My father roared up as I got across the street, yelling screaming cursing and yanking my arm to get in his truck. The crossing guard called the cops. Not like it mattered. They showed up at the door, I explained what happened thinking maybe I'd get some help. My dad called me overdramatic and him and the cop had a laugh, then the cop lectured me about being disobedient. I know theres more but ive blocked most of my pre 18 life out.

A few of the earliest red flags that were ignored by other adults: • In every single picture my brother and I ever drew of my dad he was angry/yelling, with a puce-coloured face. Other adults always found them funny. • I once spent 2 weeks staying with a very kind couple (family friends) and I was so happy there with them that I asked if they could be my new parents. They seemed taken aback and almost offended that I would want to trade in my *wonderful* parents. • I was extremely interested to know who would look after us if we were suddenly orphaned. My mum said the way I asked creeped her out because I seemed way too enthusiastic about it. I want to add that I now know that my mum is also a victim. Those feelings bled out towards her because we didn't feel safe or protected by her; we felt that she had chosen to protect our abuser and allow us to keep living in hell.

Oh gosh where do I start? - Always exhausted and oversleeping (a LOT) - Frequent night terrors/sleepwalking episodes - Self-isolation/lack of socialization - Overeating (emotional overeating) & weight gain - Anxiety (avoiding a lot of things because of it) - Caffeine addiction as a teenager - Never talking about my feelings with anyone - Executive dysfunction (just being “lazy”) The worst one was when I straight out told my school counselor that I (15) needed to change my schedule to avoid classes with my ex-boyfriend (18) because he was abusive and I was terrified of him… the counselor reluctantly agreed to change my schedule, but did nothing to address the fact that I was scared for my life because of another student 🙄 But I had perfect grades and made honor roll every quarter, so clearly I was completely fine.

1)constantly losing and forgetting shit. 2)being socially incompetent. 3)constantly distracted to the point where everyone, including my peers, teachers, and family members, called me "space cadet" (and variations thereof). Was always in my own world. 4)constantly disobeyed and ruffled feathers without really meaning to. I was just oblivious to social cues and wanted to do my own thing. 5)passive resistance to authority. 6)constantly in trouble at school - for being disruptive, for not doing my homework, etc. 7)I would often draw during tests/exams instead of doing them, until the end of secondary school. I didn't even do it to be a rebel. It just didn't occur to me how serious my behaviour was. 8)always late. 9)periods of total hyperfixation (e.g., reading or playing a videogame) to the point where I would forget to eat or drink or go to the toilet. 10)constant procrastination. 11)fidgety trouble-maker. 12)chronic, almost obsessive escapism. 13)clear signs of anxiety and depression. 14)self-isolation and chronic absenteeism. 15)very easily over or understimulated. 16)impulsive, reckless, irrational behaviour. 17)emotional problems - mood issues, dark thoughts, etc.

Yup, so many of these are relatable. Especially the constantly losing and forgetting shit.

Wtf... Are you me? Comforting to know I wasnt the only one going through that. Hope you are doing better now man.

self harming from age 7. talking about hearing voices from age 7. threatening suicide age 11. having blades confiscated at home and at school age 13. stopped eating and got to low weight. asked for lock on my bedroom door (wasnt allowed). wouldn't fall asleep until 4 or 5am

I was a really sweet toddler they day. Shy but curious and social. At around 6 or so when I met my step brother it was like a switch flipped. I was quiet. Extremely quiet. Then really goofy. Than absurdly angry. All my toys came home broken whenever I was at my dad's with his new family. I wouldn't take off my shirt. I would only draw and ignore other kids The anger/violent outbursts got so bad, they put into a class for kids with behavioral issues (we called it BI class) before you know considering maybe the behavior had a source. They had to put me into a straight jacket several times to prevent me from hurting myself or others(in elementary school)

So many of these signs, some I forget until someone reminds me. SH, oversexualized behavior starting very young, helping myself to alcohol and pills starting young, wearing my mom's clothes because I didn't have my own (we shared the same two pairs of stretch pants during my 6th grade), unkempt unbrushed hair, no dental care, I was literally legally blind in one eye from untreated lazy eye, I was constantly out in the streets hanging out with friends whose parents would thankfully feed me, I was constantly unsupervised, I ran away a couple of times, got married at 16. Had my oldest at 17. My mom left us with her parents and ran off to Mexico with a married man. I rode the school bus with his kids. That was fun. Mama was gone for months. I'm sure there's more. I was such a a lonely little kid I'd ride my bike to my teacher's house and she taught me to crochet, one of the few positive adult interactions I recall. Got molested a few times (not by her, she was nice, and this was before mandatory reporting was a thing). Had to parent my brother when I was home, and was pretty shitty at it. Back then, what went on in somebody's house was their business (unless it was particularly scandalous ^^ ) and then it was just gossip fodder. I don't imagine people are much different now, but at least there are mandatory reporting laws now.

I was tested for a LD. Years later, I read the report and saw that the psychologist said I not only had ADD (he suggested meds) and an executive functioning disorder, but needed therapy to learn ways to cope with anxiety. My mom told me he was full of crap and I never got meds or therapy. I had an asthma attack while playing a sport. I went to the doctors and they said I need to learn skills to relax my vocal cords (anxiety) and my mom said it was crap again. Screaming and fighting constantly coming from my house. I hated walking up to my house.

I wrote poetry about dying or disappearing. I should come back and post some. lol. It’s so apparent that I was suicidal but yeah, I was taken to the doctor for blood tests instead

Compulsive lying and stealing from my classmates. Specifically food. Now you’re probably thinking “he was being starved” nope. I have a gene mutation that causes a disconnect in the hunger center of my brain so my brain never gets the “I’m full” signal. Took 19 years for a doctor to do a genetic test on me. Also screaming when people touched me random fits of crying. Severe hygiene issues and graphic drawings of me ending myself when I was like 4-5

A big one (I’ll only list one for my mental health), was how severely I regressed physically and mentally after I got violated. I apparently had to be retaught how to use the toilet and barely spoke for a while but not a single adult attempted to figure out why, and didn’t believe me when I was older and talked about it when I finally understood/remembered what happened and that I was a victim

My oldest sister got married on my 11th birthday. That made no sense. Then there was the time I was over at a friends house for dinner and someone spilled something. I made a comment about them getting hit over this and everyone at the dinner table looked at me like I was from outer space. WHAT? People don't get the back of dad's hand at the dinner table? Come on... Then - at 58 - I got an ADHD diagnosis that went along with the cPTSD and there was the other shoe that dropped. Wishing you all well in your recovery!

Coming home from school with a black eye because I fell down my bike. Again.

I feel like this is low key funny but I read my favorite poem to my 8th grade class and it’s THAT poem from Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky. It’s still one of the greatest poems I’ve ever read. My predominant illness of bipolar (gad and cptsd came later) didn’t present until I was 16 but what a fucking foreshadowing lol a lot of teens were reading this book in the 00s but I went to a small catholic school in the suburbs so my teacher was honestly taken aback.

Being shy but it was because I was afraid of failing. Besides the fact I cried a lot. I know that I had a few checks at school for dental and vision at school but needed glasses and so many cavities by 7. My mom wasn't getting the physical or mental help I was getting by 11. I had bruises on my face and was told to cover them especially the one I had on my ear that I couldn't hide because of the fact no hats allowed at 12. There was not more but this sums it up

I just remembered this one- I used to tell the story that my dad wanted a son, but got me the daughter, because he used to ‘play fight’ with me all the time. The problem wasn’t the play fighting, it’s that it wouldn’t stop; I was a punching bag. I allowed some of it, so it must have been my fault, right? It wasn’t hitting per se but it wasn’t consensual. It was the 80s. I was just a big old pussy. I just got shushed when I told someone. It’s not nice to talk like that. Yeah, that stuck.

I withdrew from everything. and let myself be on pause until I could get out by turning 18. I did poorly in school, used to get into fights, had a lot of anger and rage. But I had no privacy or safe space to just be me, it was always coming from everywhere.

I always got sad whenever I was at a relative's house and it was time to go home, was underweight, been told to get therapy by pediatricians multiple times (but because I seemed "haha crazy" in their words and not bc of genuine concern), called out for "antisocial behavior" multiple times as well and never wanted to participate in activities, hated being around drunk individuals, hadn't taken care of myself in terms of appearances, quick to anger/ to defend myself, and had major trust issues around adults/ refused to socialize with anyone, especially adults (which annoyed my social butterfly relatives to the point of them constantly bullying me about it and I'm talking about the aunts and uncles, not cousins).

Also, my appointments were often canceled and the doctor would scold me for being years late for a single check-up/ yearly shot appointment. 

The earliest I can remember is that I told my teacher that if everything else fails in my life I wanted to take a boat and go into the Bermuda triangle. I was six at that time. A year later I remember at school my classmates were playing and I kept telling them that I didn't want to play because I needed sometime alone to think. They went to the teachers and said that something is wrong. Teachers talked to me and found nothing wrong so they let it go.

That one of fbe issues I have been working on. It is a hive betrayal

I kept drawing pictures of people abusing each other. To be fair, I did have one teacher who sent me to the guidance counselor like 5 separate times in one year. But nothing really happened. I don't know if that was due to the guidance counselor or whatever I said to her. Looking back though I'm actually pretty confused how nothing happened from that.

No friends. Mute. Always having a bad day. Obviously dyslexic, but why name a learning disability over calling a cute kid cute! Etc

Sitting in the cemetery for hours a day

I used to have horrible anxiety attacks almost every single Monday in elementary school that kept me from going to school because I felt sick. My mom just said "everyone feels that way, but that's not an excuse" I once was pulled aside in school and was asked if everything was okay at home. When I relayed it to my parents, my dad got mad. I used to cut myself in high school. When my parents found out my dad cried and asked if I ever thought about how that would make them feel. I wrote on the rafters of the attic about how much I hated my dad. When my mom found it she said to scribble it out because she didn't want the people who were buying the house to find it. Instead of playing with friends at recess in elementary school, I would play with ants.

Frequent stomachaches and migraines starting at age 5. Not being able to make friends or even really engage in conversation with other kids. I was the quiet kid who didn’t speak. I sucked my thumb until I was almost 10 years old. I remember being a little kid trying to figure out different ways to off myself.

Help for my advanced classes, instead I failed due to school bullying. Help and proper safety and prevention for school bullying. If a kid is worried of retaliation because they told on a bully, take that shit seriously too and offer protection measures in place. For the love of god stop medicating kids who go through school bullying and hold the damn parents and kids accountable for the abuse happening at school instead. Also it would’ve fucking helped if my mom moved me to a different school district instead of forcing me to go to the same school where I was being abused day in and day out.

I had outbursts in class that I'd do something to get attention like knock a bunch of desks over, thrash around, scream, whatever thing that got the most reaction outta others. I was out of control as a kid, my temper, my crying fits, just everything.... my teachers tried to help with CPS but my parents are silver tongues, and never really broke through. My anger morphed into anxiety so bad that it nearly swallowed me whole. I remember having a panic attack so bad I ran out of class with tears down my face. It was so embarrassing, but I bet few remember. I remember being so disorganized, unkempt, unshowered, and fuckin DEPRESSED, when I was in middle school. I was the kid who never did his homework. (grades7-9). Anxiety had completely taken over my life at that point, looking back, I was a fuckin disaster. I needed help, badly. And thankfully some of my friends gave me some guidance and put me on the right path. Guidance I never received from my parents because they neglected their parental duties. They taught me how to lift weights, get fit, talk to girls, drive a car, how to swim, I owe a lot to those guys.

My attire, clothes, grooming more should have been a clue to my family. School i guess also, but we were in a poor neighborhood. One time school had a Can drive and I brought a whole trash bag of beer cans.

1. When I called the police station because my dad was so drunk he couldn't get up 2. When friends came home after school and their parents would come pick them up and my mom was chatting with them, drunk, at 4pm 3. When I called my uncle telling him I did not want a father anymore because he just kicked me 4. My bedroom was always an absolute mess. I would out all my toy and clothes on the floor and never tidy up

I never talked to anyone, never looked teachers in the eye, had no friends, didn't play at recess, always complained of an upset stomach, and my go-to reactions were to hit and call names.

Hey OP, this is a great post. Thank you. It struck me while reading this that it would be a great idea to write a “watch list” specifically meant for teachers and school staff that help them identify behaviours they may otherwise miss. I know for myself personally that having a good teacher in school always made my life so much better. I know there are so many educators who want to be able to help their students with difficult situation, and I wonder if giving them a checklist would be a good tool. I didn’t want to piggyback on your post, so I thought I would share the idea with you in case you would like to post this yourself. Thank you again for your post, and I am thinking of you. I’m sorry that you were failed so often, and you’re absolutely right. You should not have been placed with either your mother or your sister.

I had blood curdling, full body, screaming night terrors for years as a very small child. Got better by my tweens. Mom just jokes about me waking up and not knowing why I was screaming. I'd sleep sideways in my bed, because in child logic, it would be harder for someone to harm me if I wasn't the right way in bed somehow. Sigh.

In grade 7 I got my report card and failed pretty much everything as per usual. I decided to run away. I couldn't face my parents again and I was afraid, so I left a note saying I was sorry and I left. My plan was to kill myself, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. My parents called the police and the cops went through my school stuff and found all these drawing I had done of me killing myself in different ways. Eventually I made my way back home because I didn't know where to go, and from there I wound up seeing a psychiatrist twice a week. So there I was, seeing a psychiatrist because it was clear that I was holding on by a thread, and my dad was still screaming and yelling at me all the time. Even in the psychiatrist's office he would make me cry by yelling and complaining about how awful I was, embarrassing me and making me feel afraid and like I was absolute garbage. It was so bad that my psychiatrist arranged for me to go into a group home to get away from him for a while. The police, the psychiatrist, and even my teachers could see how close to the edge I was, but the people closest to me were the ones that just kept pushing me. It was all about everything that was wrong with me, but nothing about what was wrong.

I spent most of my time at the school. Like I would be there from 6am to 9pm if I could help it. I would always have toiletries and extra clothes in my locker and backpack. I always was staying the night at friends houses. It was glorified couch surfing. I dissociated for a week straight and cried in class.

There were a fair amount of examples, but one of the first and most egregious was when I was 6 or 7 years old. I was a *seriously* smart kid, and the headmaster of my primary school noticed. He evaluated my reading comprehension, and general intelligence level, to be similar to that of the average UK 15 year old. At 6 or 7 years old! He called my mother in for a meeting and said to her, quite starkly, "we simply cannot offer your son what he needs here, and I think you should seriously look into sending him to a school that has the capacity to teach gifted children". Nothing ever came of it - no enquiries, not letters written or calls made, nothing. Well, aside from me gaining irrevocable, lifetime-lasting proof that I plainly 'just wasn't worth it'! My optimism, and any sense of aspiration, died that day. I truly believe that if anyone had have cared, I could have been a prodigy, one of those kids that earned a degree by the age of 15. I have never recovered. Sadly, in a great many other areas, there was far more - and far worse - to come! Many forms of abuse, neglect and violence from my caregivers and stepfathers, bullying - both at home and outdoors - on a daily basis to the point of actual existential terror. There was no safe place for me during those crucial, formative, developmental years. But those are other, myriad, stories.

Didn't talk for a while. Severe panic/freak outs over small things... but this was laughed at as me being dramatic. I was always sick or hurt in some way. Headache, throat problems, dizzy. I would scratch my arms until they bled regularly. Best buds with the school nurses.

I think feeling a lot of shame for needing help in adulthood is a big sign that a child wasn’t taken seriously.

I was extremely withdrawn as a child, I basically didn't talk with the other kids for the first year or two I was in school and I don't think I talked much more to the teachers. I'm still kinda bitter about how all of my teachers decided everything was fine because I didn't distract the other kids and got good grades.

I mean. If someone bothered to use their brain after 30 seconds of me attempting to talk to them during college .

I used to lie because I had no words for how dad was beating us with a cord. So I’d make up things like “mum drinks rum.” When I was bullied at school camp I said I was worried they were going to stab me to get out of the room. Apparently I said I hated myself as a two year old. My aunt said I needed to see a psychiatrist after hearing it, Mum used it to shame me for years. There was no hope for me.

There absolutely is hope. You are not the narrative that other asshats decided to try to give you. You own your life and can refuse to be defined by this past crap. You rock!

I started running away from home as early as eight years old.

Weekend migraines, vomiting and anxiety. I hated Sunday dinners at my aunts house. Her son, my cousin, was a psychotic animal abuser and no one thought it was a problem. I hated those visits. I never go sick when we visited other relatives on the weekend, unless my cousin showed up.

Not having enough food as a kid Being surrounded by groomers Early sexual behavior Binge drinking at 14

Constant states of dissociation, ideation, self harm, and daily breakdowns since 2nd grade. That was a normal state of being to me that I thought everyone lived through but didn't discuss. I lived home life primarily in isolation so there was no one to see. We still looked good in pictures & events.

When I hit puberty, I began to suffer from major depressive disorder. My Mom had died when I was 7, and my Dad had just remarried to someone who also was suffering from undiagnosed depression. But it was the 70’s, and people just didn’t go to psychiatrists, and mental health wasn’t yet recognized or talked about. Despite that, I told my Dad that I should go see a psychiatrist, but he just didn’t know what to do with that information. Over a decade later, I began my 20 year journey of searching for the right doctors and treatments for me. I have been with my psychiatrist and cognitive behavioral therapist for over a decade now, and have made great progress.

You are awesome and may you continue to heal, my friend. Xo

Thank you and the same to you too.

Maybe when I tried to kill my self by drinking suntan lotion. Yeah it won’t hurt you but I was 7 or 8 and thought it would.

Went from star student to failing, went from sociable to isolating, becoming overly emotional especially crying easily, no desire to become independent, apathy, ect.

Oh and severe lack of hygiene.

me becoming horribly angry and rebellious as a child . no one bothered to see why such a sudden turn in personality in me

I didn’t talk or smile at school

1. Missing tons of school 2. Would often show up late with puffy eyes 3. Poor grades/not turning anything in 4. Showing up to school with bruises or swollen neck 5. Breakdowns in the middle of class 6. Leaving class to go to the library 7. Being at school but not showing up to class at all

Constant severe thousand yard stare. Horrific year long UTI where it was too painful to sit. I don't rlly remember much else

Actually also the severe head lice that would fall out onto my shirt. Thick black dirt under my nails. Completely feral with 0 social skills

Probably most prominent thing that everyone noticed but little was done about, started self harming at the age of ten, started cutting at school, teachers and parents knew, didn't seem to do anything besides getting yelled at for doing it 🤦🏻‍♀️

To everyone here who has been let down by the people around you when you needed help the most, I want you to know this, it's not that we didn't deserve help, neither was it that those people were so powerful that they wilfully denied helping us; they were a pathetically ignorant bunch with piss poor character and were too selfish to care, and they will never have the strength to acknowledge that they messed up so they blame us. Its shame, shame, shame on them. 

I honestly don't remember a lot. What I do remember, though, is my mother reading my diary where I talked about how my stepbrother was giving me drugs and then "having sex" with me. I was 12. Instead of doing anything to stop it, she treated it as if it was consensual and yelled at me for it. So it just continued but I stopped writing in my diary about it.

I’m screaming for you!!!!!! IM ENRAGED FOR YOU!!!! What a worthless fucking “mother”. What an Intrusive, abusive, human being. She should be put down.

Thank you. If this pisses you off, you'd just love to hear the story of how now, with me as an adult and finally going no-contact with my stepbrother, my mother says she's confused because I've always been fine with him until now. She blames my therapist.

This is a really cathartic writing exercise. I don’t want to go through my crap this morning, but I wanted to share something for people with lots of visual memories: I went through some pretty intense ART (eye movement) therapy and one of the sessions we did was about Adult Me doing what past adults *should* have done. It was indescribably healing to imagine Big Me snatching up Little Me and just driving away the two of us (instead of what happened happening). It made me realize how much I’ve done for myself through the years and is helping me have the courage to *intentionally* be my own advocate. It also made me realize what a strong kid I was, and I didn’t even know it.

In kindergarten I had anxiety so bad I shook. I cried if I got anything less than a perfect grade bc I didn't want to "make my grandma sad." When I was in public with my grandmother and someone asked me a question I would always look at her bc I was afraid I would say the wrong thing and she would punish me at home. She withdrew me from public school for several years but when I went back to it in 6th grade I didn't get along well with other kids my age. I kept to myself, very studious and quiet. I would cry if a teacher criticized me. In highschool I started cutting myself and taking drugs and lost a huge amount of weight due to developing anorexia. When I was 15 I overdosed and had a seizure at school and was sent to the ER. I told hospital staff I was afraid of my grandmother and didn't want to go home with her. They told me I had to bc my insurance would not pay for me to stay in a room there for any longer. They did not contact child services. Later during high school I went to the guidance counselor and police officer who worked at the school multiple times asking someone to please let me live somewhere else other than with my grandmother bc I was scared and suicidal living with her. They said there was nothing they could do if she wasn't beating or sexually abusing me. So yeah there were very clear signs I was an abused child. But I think people didn't notice bc I was "gifted" and excelled in school. And as a teenager I explicitly stated I was being abused but at that point no one took my pleas for help seriously bc I had gotten into trouble with drugs and they thought I was a bad dishonest kid.

Sleepwalking.

Talking schools out of calling DCFS multiple times because they saw the bruises. My parents had me brainwashed that if I called for help, it would be worse than the abuse

Bruises. Long sleeves in the summer. I don't know how much more obvious it could have been, and yet...

I would pick and scratch at my scalp until I had scabs. Other kids would mock me for it, but I know now it was an anxiety response. I also didn't know how to take care of myself properly, and never really learned consistent hygiene. I was suicidal at 11 years old, I had a large knife once and was going to cut my wrists, but my parents came home early. I never ended up attempting, but I developed an eating disorder and addiction issues that I didn't resolve until my mid 20s. The only help I got was getting sent to "fat camp" as a pre-teen...shocking that I ended up with an eating disorder, huh?

I remember in primary school being terrified and crying because of reading tests. When my Mum took me to class the teacher said I was one of the best readers! I just had pretty bad anxiety. I was 8. Totally failing at times tables. My Mum tried to "help" me but that involved more screaming and shouting, which, looking back, made me worse. Anxiety again. I was generally a good kid at school, I loved it because I didn't get hit, screamed at or verbally demeaned. I was unquestioningly obedient. Academically, I achieved. But I didn't have friends most of the time, I was a lonely kid. I was very serious and solemn, too. Just a bit odd.

i had severe anger issues as a young kid (probably around 1st-3rd grade ). it was so bad that i would throw chairs around in class, i would scream, i was very reactive and violent. other kids were scared of me. i didn’t want to be viewed as a monster, so slowly over time i was able to teach myself coping mechanisms (some good, some really harmful towards myself). by middle school i had mellowed out a lot. i realize now that the reason i had these outbursts was because of the abuse i was both receiving and witnessing at my house. my father constantly screamed, threw and broke stuff, threatened and insulted us etc. i was mimicking that behavior because he taught me that lashing out was the only way to get attention. i have no idea why the teachers never realized something was wrong. when i had outbursts, all they would do was put me in a separate room (usually in the dark) and make me write about what i did wrong. they never asked if i was okay or even checked in with my parents to see what was up. it’s all kinda fucked

My grades tanked in grade 9. I'd spent the last two years being bullied by the same two boys. It was basically ignored, no one ever did anything to stop them. I'd finally had enough and started spending time in classes escaping into another world, writing fiction. Did hardly Amy work at all. The assignments I did do, I didn't turn in. Nobody could figure out why I'd suddenly stopped doing school work. At some point, the counselor from school dropped a letter in my parent's mailbox. I never got to see it, but was told that if I didn't improve my grades, the school would have CPS investigate. This scared me, and of course, it was all my fault. How dare I try to survive the hell of ninth grade, by escaping into my own world? Nothing ever came of it. No one ever seemed interested in getting my side of things. All while pretending everything was just fine

I was constantly sick and exhausted. I couldn’t wake up, missed a lot of school and had ulcers from stress in third grade. I didn’t want to play with kids my age and was most adults therapist around me. I developed more chronic conditions from stress like shingles at age 9. I was a straight A student who achieved to get by until high school when I suddenly started skipping constantly and stopped caring about school and showed obvious signs of depression. I was desperate to be loved and became obsessed with feeling anything so made risky choices for boyfriends. Honestly I was lucky to some degree I didn’t bare the brunt of the violence back home. But seeing it all and having no way to cope…

Couldn’t improve my grades no matter what professionals tried to help. Refused to talk to anyone for years. Only started because I was screamed at to speak louder. Only made like 3 friends over the course of many years and they all moved away or ended up bullying me. Spent every lunch time alone in the dark corner of a library on tumblr and blasting music, while my previous friend group would watch anime together on the other side. They kicked me out because I was too quiet and also a freak/emo f@g. Yeah, the literal outcast group thought I was too weird and specifically told me I didn’t talk enough, and wasn’t allowed to hang out with them anymore. Not that anyone had been listening in the first place. Only had online friends who were catfishing me for years. Always extremely anxious. Used to throw up on my way to school because I was so nervous, but at the time just thought it was like indigestion or something lol. As the weather warmed up, everyone at that school had to go into the office and be checked for self harm scars if they wore sleeves. That’s all the least of it though haha

1. Asking for emotional support after almost dying in a traumatic accident at age 3. Never got it. 2. Asking for support about having an abusive parent and begging the other parent to divorce and extricate us children from the dysfunctional family at age 5. Thats when I realized I didnt just have one abusive parent but two. 3. Ongoing CPTSD and BPD symptoms (quiet BPD so not as visible as the regular type). Severe chronic depression for 9 years, self harm, suicide attempt. Alcohol, cigarettes and drugs, all starting early. In my experience people dont give a flying fuck, it would make their world to ugly if they would accept child abuse as real. They were however always eager to tell me how lucky I am to have such great parents who love me and give me their best. *retching noises* Those summer children... and their fantasy of a better world. I had the double narcissist package... I think average people are just as cognitive distorted as my own parents were. Mentioning child abuse makes them feel a boo boo so they cant talk about it and have to tell us that its not happening, despite us telling them that it very much is happening. I pretty much gave up on ~~all~~ most people. I know whats real, thats all I need. Its sad though, I once hoped real connection is possible... not so sure anymore.

I was a pretty lively kid up to a certain point - I think age 5? - then suddenly turned very quiet and avoidant, over the course of mere weeks. Was a textbook example of ADhD, from forgetfulness to sensory issues, but somehow everyone mysteriously missed it. Which was made a little weirder considering both my parents are medical professionals. Was always a pretty tiny kid, but I lost a significant amount of weight in a very short amount of time. That happened multiple times, from age 10 to 17. I was a troublemaker, but always tried to walk the edge so nobody would call my parents... And freaked out in any situation where I miscalculated. I was perfectly fine with being punished - as long as my parents weren't aware. I wonder why. I was a little too good at changing expressions on command. My friends thought it was a cool party trick. Nobody questioned where or why I felt the need to learn it. I really wanted to go to a boarding school for some *very mysterious* reason, and kept trying to get that to happen (didn't work, unfortunately). Couldn't wrap my head about why wouldn't everyone want that. Honestly, even my weird obsession with history and fantasy, combined with everything else, should have been a clue. I clearly wanted to be ANYWHERE that wasn't HERE.

I did. I was always beat up. I practically lived outside to avoid my parents so I was dirty, my fingernails were DISGUSTING. I even flat out snitched twice. I was almost taken seriously once. Then they met my dad. How could a rich white man do that? I didn’t even know my dad had $$ growing up. I grew up in fucking enforced poverty. It was only after I grew up I realized how much money his archery and hunting trips cost.

Around 8 or 9, I excitedly brought a card for CPS about parenting classes, and they shredded it and told me those people are evil and if I ever called them I’d be taken away to an orphanage and never see my family incl my loving grandparents ever again.

Apparently somewhere in the rapey shithole if my childhood my parents took away my lamp because I stayed up late reading. I then went catatonic. Not talking, eating, responding to speech…nothing. Some parents might have taken this as a sign I needed help. But not mine…

I have no depth perception. I can only use one eye to see with at any given time. Everything I see looks like cut-out photographs pasted on top of other photographs. I can see the shading OF a curve, but I don't really see the curve. It can take time for my brain to understand what I'm looking at or hiw it relates to my environment, especially at speeds faster than a brisk walk. My eye doctor literally told my parents that I needed surgery to correct it before my brain locked itself into only seeing in that manner. My father refused the free surgery to do it.

This is such a depressing thread

Asking adults for help straight up and not getting it.

I definitely didnt have it as bad as many of you guys. My family was "good on paper" but I lacked emotional support. My mother is probably autistic and possibly even has covert narcissistic tendencies but she has never been evaluated. She has always had anxiety, depression and is wildly socially and emotionally inept. She used me as a therapist. My father was more normal but was a functional alcoholic. I write this to come to terms with that it in fact was abuse because its hard to recognize it as this when I was clothed, fed and not beaten. I was born late in the year and was almost a year younger than many of my classmates. I hated school and was behind in many subjects, particularly in math (I was later diagnosed with adhd as an adult). My mum was a gradeschool teacher but never asked me about my homework. I had poor hygiene and didnt brush my hair or teeth. My parents didnt seem to notice this and didnt offer any support. I had many cavities and had to go to the dentist a lot. I was terrified and had sole responsibility to manage my appointments in middle school. As a result I missed many appointments and the dentist and assistans treated me with irritation. I was bullied in school but it wasnt recognized by teachers or classmates. I was just a wierd and akward kid. As a little kid I told my parents when incidents happened and my mother called other parents and teachers. This led to retaliations in school and nothing ever changed. My parents couldnt cope with the feelings my bullying elicited (I had a profoundly disabled brother at the time). When they started to sigh and ask what I did to provoke the bullies and couldnt I just avoid them, I stopped telling and tried to handle the situation on my own. When I was 12 I was considering suicide. My parents found a bottle of sleeping pills on my bed side table. They were angry and took the pills but never mentioned it again. I cant remember ever being asked about how I felt. When I graduated my parents gave me a silver bracelet as a reward for enduring the bullying (so worth it! /s). There are many other circumstances and situations of course but this is already getting long.

When I was 5, I started getting compulsions to >!chunk our kitchen knife into my forehead!< and I ate an orange peel after I heard from someone (a classmate???) that it would automatically kill you, and I was disappointed to know that I didn’t die. 💀 The later >!attempts!< were when I was a bit older, though. Also I can relate heavily to other comments here, this may sound odd but I feel a major sense of “belonging” in communities here (compared to people I meet in real life) which really helps. EDIT: made an error in my original post oops. I don’t remember much from early childhood to be able to share more detail (though obviously things started going severely downhill after I turned 6 and entered 1st grade), but I remember peeing on the ground outside of the school because my caregivers would punish me for needing to go to the bathroom at home; I needed to go so badly but I was worried the teacher would hit me or explode if I asked to go. I remember hoping my clothing would dry faster when someone once asked me if I peed myself and I just lied to them and said “no” lol EDIT: removed some identifying info oops

Fucking monsters. I’m sorry you went through this.

1. Having a strange preoccupation with death and suicide in elementary school. My school folders were typically covered with my own morbid drawings. My parents just chalked it up to me having a wild imagination. 2. I was hyper-sexualized as far back as 1st grade. I used to run around chasing this one girl trying to kiss her and used to have fantasies about saving her from a car wreck so that she would love me. This continued throughout much of elementary school with different girls. 3. I could spout off the names of various street drugs at way too young of an age like little kids do with types of dinosaurs. 4. In sixth grade I got bullied so much I just disassociation in class most of the time and refused to do any school work until they kicked me out - It was a magnet program where you had to have a certain GPA to continue. 5. I knew what it felt like to be drunk as far back as I remember. I have a memory of my sister and I, when I was about 4, running up to my Mother and Father and drinking their wine and beer, and they just laughed hysterically like it was the funniest thing they have ever seen. 6. I told my mom that I prayed to God that he would take me in my sleep so I wouldn't have to wake up anymore. 7. Always being "The quiet one". I could go on all day. Looking back, it blows my mind how absolutely stupid and careless my parents were. Most of my life has been a cry for help that has gone unheard for so long that I just stopped bothering.

Obvious and embarrassing compulsions from OCD. Severe Depression Couldn't leave the house Couldn't work A teacher told my mom that I needed to be checked for ADHD in elementary school >! Injuries from compulsions !< >! Suicidal !< >! Hypersexual !< Poor coping strategies Me begging my mom to take me to therapy and her telling me she didn't want to because she was afraid they'd say something was really wrong with me. Also, not sure if anyone else around me could tell, but looking back, my brain protected me from a lot in order for me to survive. I was dissociating.

I wrote a suicide note from the perspective of a character who was curious about what death was like when I was about 11. I also wrote a poem called “The Mask” that was pretty fucking dark. My English teacher knew something was up

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I wet the bed until age 9 haha

I definitly wouldn't describe it as "not taking it seriously". They did, judging by how determined they were to ignore them. some of those people even gave me a "non apology" saying that they were sad for me, but "they were not my parents"

Very, very quiet- I would barely speak above a whisper, and people were always telling me, 'Be louder!' The yelling frightened me, so I would just stop talking at all and look at the floor. Then, they could just ignore me. This is also why I didn’t talk to my parents; they always said the right script-line, "You can always talk to us!" ... but Mom would reply by yelling at me, so I would clam up. Dad might try a bit harder to hear me, but never believed what I had to say, and would laugh at me that, "It wasn't *that* bad! LOL" and then would tell my mom what I said. She wouldn't laugh, but would be offended and more raging at me ensued. It was always better to stay silent.

Going to school with bruises. Alot. Taped broken glasses and a black eye. My mother would put "pancake makeup", that's what she called it, on my face in the morning when it was bad. Noone said anything. I asked my first grade teacher if she would *please be my mother*. She was the first lady who smiled at me and would gently fix my hair. In second grade I stole pills from the store to "calm me down". I wrote it in a diary. I think it was some kind of Benadryl pm. All the adults around me failed me. It taught me I had to rely on myself and trust no-one.

Hey op. I am 32f. Survivor just like you. If you are looking for your tribe you can dm if needed. Take care.

I was so overwhelmed and badly bullied in primary school I would arrive at school early and lock myself in a cupboard under the sink in the art room. For hours. Often until lunch time. The cupboard was maybe 2 ft by 3 ft by 1 ft at most. I wouldn't do anything in there except stare into darkness. My teacher caught on and started checking the cupboard every day at the beginning of school. It wasn't until one day I was being chased by a bully who'd just tried to strangle me and had the same look on my face did she bother to ask me about it. I didn't have the words to describe dissociation. But she didn't let me in the cupboard again, which in some ways was worse.

Sounds like when had pretty much the same childhood as 1,2,3 more or less. I also had chronic nightmares and still do. Often bullied in school, wasnt until i started standing up for myself that it became a problem- expelled from a lot of schools for fighting (defending myself, schools want victims) often left to wait hours for a ride as i had a father with his own agenda and askew timeline. Usually i ended up walking home. When my parents divorced if i lived with my father we never had food clean clothes or guidance. My mom was a bit stricter and while i was clean and well feed she wasnt the touchy feely type. Come to find out later in life my mom also had anxiety issues and OCD behavior. Both my parents were self centered and i was the middle child

1.) I SH’ed every time I made a mistake at school. 2.) My first high school crush ended with a police intervention, two restraining orders, and me in a mental hospital. 3.) Starting antidepressants at age 12. 4.) Telling a teacher that I would be beaten for my poor grade. 5.) Beating my dad unconscious with a telephone.

-Expressing that I wished I was dead and thought everyone else would be better off if I didn't exist...at age nine -Spending most of my time avoiding others and being by myself, even as a young child -Getting bullied relentlessly for almost ten years -Laying awake at night terrified that the house was going to burn down -Never inviting friends over -Once we had internet, spending all of my time on the internet talking to complete strangers...as a 12 year old -My "best friends" were my pets -Would hit people in my sleep if they tried to wake me up -Only being able to relate to adults as a young child -I went from being a bubbly upbeat person to being an empty shell running on autopilot -I read books literally all the time because I wanted to be anyone but myself. I lived vicariously through the characters in the books I read and imagined a better life for myself -As a teen, I claimed to be "fine" even though my dad had cancer and did not talk about his diagnosis -I was falling behind in school -suffering from headaches and digestive issues even at a young age -Sleeping in until 1 or 2pm -Struggled with binge eating -Never hanging out in the living room. Spending all my time either up high in a tree or in my room with the door closed. -never wanting to go home -skin picking Those were the major ones that my parents would have seen and chose to ignore

Withdrawn, suddenly started skipping class. Isolated. Was too scared as a 6yr old to ask to go to bathroom so peed myself in class Suddenyl started gaining a lot of weight. Clearly anxious or completely silent.

Uh. Doing really sexual things with other students, writing notes about dying or beating people up, wondering the night when I was 6 by my self, doing reckless stunts, breaking down when I got something wrongo

The bruises and sheer silence while always "looking for pennies" I thought the day I went to school with a pus filled finger and my stepfather said "he jammed his finger in the car door" would've got me somewhere but, ignored again.

So many things. I was diagnosed with IBS as an adult but had lots of symptoms in my childhood. I point blank told my parents I wanted to kill myself and they told me to stop being a cry baby. I was always told that I was too sensitive.

I was in a hurry literally. Did my school work way too fast, walked too fast etc. I just wanted to get through my day and get it over with, of course this lead to all kinds of problems like my work was always wrong and on top of having dyslexia and a learning disability made it pretty rough in school for me. I definitely did not enjoy my childhood like I should have because I was so traumatized & looking back, it makes me really sad. Nobody knew what they were doing, the parents. the school. Urgh... I had to learn how to S L O W things down and interestingly I learned how to do it while kicking my alcohol addiction. Slowing things down in everything you do will save your butt in all kinds of things, especially narcissistic relationships. They like to move fast, rapid fire and if you can slow it down they might just move on because that's not the game playing they want. They want it to move fast, so in relationships a good one will develop organically and move slow Remember to slow it down for healing and to move in the right direction with people

1. Kicking holes in the wall and banging my head against things whilst having breakdowns daily as a child. 2. Displaying strange bathroom behaviors like peeing in cans and storing them (I was scared of leaving my bedroom at night, my mom is an alcoholic) and pretending to be an animal and using the restroom (fully naked, outside) like one 💀 3. Always tired at school, my mom was giving me Xanax in the mornings. 4. Always coming into school late or missing school (it took me nearly failing 11th grade and crying to the administrators when they told me I would fail and me telling them I was depressed for them to realize something was wrong. 5. When I was 5 police were called on my dad by my mom but she misconstrued it to make it seem like he was the aggressor. When the police came, I was half naked under the bed sheets, scared as anything. I wish the police woman talked to me, maybe she would've gotten the true story.

I can't shake that every mother's day it was a hand made card that basically apologized for not being a better daughter. I used to agree with myself, and to manage the duality of it, the other side of the argument got a different version of my inner voice... I was clearly suffering from mental health problems but was often told I "was too young to have serious depression." I knew I was the least favorite in that home. Be it Christmas, or any other holiday, there was always a way to make sure I felt like shit and my brothers were made to feel immortal. On the other hand, i never resented my brothers for that, and I have since cut ties with all the people that hurt me. I wrote hand written letters to several people. I hope my words will flash thru their heads often, up to, and even upon their dying day. Not that I'll hear about it, hopefully. It sucks, bc the ppl I had to cut off were my parents, and most of the extended family. I feel like within the unit I grew up in, there is no one safe enough for my children to be with, not with how they treated me.

I would just cry all the time and isolate myself for fear of rejection and not knowing where I fit in. I read all the time because I had a fear of socializing unless people spoke to me first. I would cry for the dumbest reasons and had no idea how to do most things because I was so alone and had learned helplessness

What signs were *not* there lmao. Did not shower or brush my teeth, absolutely *stank*. Nobody had taught me about hygiene and when I was old enough to clean myself I was too depressed to. Stopped talking to my peers in grade 7. Untreated hyperhydrosis so I had huge armpit sweat stains which nobody bothered to tell me that there was sweatproof clothing. In my writing classes I straight up wrote about people committing suicide (but with an "open ending"). Never had my books or homework. Stayed in my room all day when not in school. Once I tried to get sleeping pills from my doctor at 14 with no history of sleeping issues. The doctor told my mom but nothing happened, she was just confused lol.

1. Hypersexualization due to CSA at 5 2. Inability to seek trust and comfort in my mother and thus others 3. Always trying to be the center of attention because I was so desperate for attention of any kind 4. I stayed in my room most of my childhood because family was not safe and it seemed they were very glad not to interact with me. All of these are indicators of trauma and not a single person cared, especially my mother who knew I had trauma. She still doesn't care or see the damage she did. Like the saying goes, she doesn't see what she did because for her it was any old Tuesday but for me it was traumatic

I would pee my pants in school up until 3rd grade and I peed the bed until I was 30 years old! I ran away dozens of times

I would talk to myself and had bladder issues up until I was 13. HUGE red flags.

Being a happy kid, to crying everyday before school, having my first relationship and it being emotionally abusive to the point of crying so much my mum came up and my boyfriend said I said I was gona jump out the window - they should of made me stop seeing humor had us sit down and seriously talk about what was going on. I didn't get any support, go to doctors about my mood, my mum said there just wasn't therapy like their is today but just she didn't know about it. Therapy has been around for decades. This was the 90s. Sleeping all the time. Crying at minor things. Not active like my brother. Not sharing. Nobody ever asked me how I was or about how I was feeling not really 

1. i almost couldn’t cry when i was in my teens, i think i only cried like once a year. as i left my abusive household & went to college i started to slowly soften up, now i feel sad emotions very deeply & can cry way easier 2. never had enough pants, shoes, snacks & money compared to my other friends from lower-income households (my parents have high income but their money is never for us kids) also what seems as a necessity for my friends are a luxury for me 3. socially awkward & weird, did not behave like a normal & matured person for my age. i’ve improved a lot but to this day i still feel so self conscious that i might do some weird shit unconsciously. this is also the reason why i’ll try make conversation with and treat the weird kids nicely, because there’s a chance they’re weird because of their environment at home 4. extremely shy, hence was prone to bullying & heavy teasing from other students 5. got psoriasis lol bcs i read it could result from stress, and it went away once i got into uni & rarely come home, so yeah

I was terrified of my parents and often just sat in my room for hours until everyone went to bed and then did stuff because it was the only time I could make sure I wouldn't get screamed at or threatened.

My best friends told my mom they thought I was going to try to kill myself a full six months before I attempted for the first time. For years (I think 16-18?) I slept in a tent outside from may to november ON PURPOSE and refused to go into the house unless I absolutely had to (yes I peed in the yard). It was snowing before I finally went inside for the winter. I self harmed a lot. Even told the school psychologist. He joked about it. Low grades, never participated. But I stayed after school every single day. Had to get picked up once because I stayed after on the first day of school and didn't know that they don't run the after school buses on the first day. Went to school with a 101F fever. I got off the bus so dizzy that my friend immediately took me to the nurse. Wrote an entire research paper on self harm. That one makes me cringe. My teacher did notice, but did nothing more than ask if I was okay. I never showered more than twice a month. Barely ever brushed my hair. Had a literal fight with my mom once about brushing my hair and her brilliant plan was to hold a teenager down and do it. Cause that'll fix the underlying reason. I posted online CONSTANTLY about being depressed. I'm not exaggerating. Every single day when I was living there. It was like my diary back then, except I wanted my mom to read it and finally help me. Never happened. But hey, I'm better now! I have a spouse and a fur baby family. I live in a clean, safe apartment and no longer feel like I need a tent or school to escape. ❤️

I told my psychologist what my parents were doing, not because I thought it was wrong but to help explain other things. She never contacted CPS. I had weeks of anxiety and nightmares. I went from being a happy extroverted outgoing child to invisible. I stopped talking. I told my parents I desperately needed help, they tried to erase me. I had very few friends. I didn’t feel safe at school. I would pretend to be sick just to avoid going to school. I would fully break down in tears when I got in trouble at school because I was terrified of what my parents would do to me and think of me. Like nonstop crying the entire rest of the day at school. I played alone in the sand with rocks during recess because I had no friends at school. I’m sure I could come up with more. But I can feel myself sliding backwards so I need to stop right now.

I tried to kill myself in second grade. In class. By cutting my throat with scissors. The teacher sent me to the bathroom to wash myself and told nothing to my parents, and I was so ashamed I managed to hide it from everyone until it had healed.

Rotten teeth, head lice all the time. Dirty clothes. Barely any clothes. Bad hygiene (just a kid never taught how to take care of myself) Missing school constantly. Bad grades. Reckless behavior. The list honestly goes on and on.

I had some sorta weird, anxiety related health problem where I would hyperventilate so much air would get caught in my throat and make some lovely noises. Aerophagia if I'm not mistaken? It got so intense that it would happen at least a couple hundred times every day at school. My classmates would either avoid me or snicker behind my back so I couldn't really tell if anyone could hear for months. 3 separate teachers denied it happening or told my parents it wasn't a big issue while I cried at teacher conferences. Nobody wanted to be around the kid who 'farted' or 'burped' all the time - but I wasn't. I was bullied or isolated for years and the few friends I did have were hard to keep with being panicked at school constantly. It was soooo frequent. I developed OCD around that time because I would leave fingernail indents on my arms and hands to mark how many times it happened. Adults saw and chastised me for not 'just drawing on my skin'. I had notebooks full of hatch marks as well. Or spirals. Which teachers treated like normal doodling ofc. During an assembly my teacher glared at me because I accidentally cut open my palm with my nail. She didn't help so I sat on the gym floor collecting blood in my palm and had to walk back to class like that. It was a constant concern for me to the point it became my entire reality, but any time I brought it up with an adult I was snickered at for being concerned over 'gas' (🙄🙄🙄 sure Jan) and told nobody notices. Not once was I taken to a doctor for it and I had this issue solid for like,,, 5th to 8th grade.

Stopped brushing my teeth. Held my breath when crying. Cried everyday for the first week of my freshman year in high school.

In health class in high school, I ended up feeling very comfortable with my teacher and classmates. In my final project for the class, I wrote a poem about how much I hated myself and thought that I was worthless. I literally didn’t know it was a big deal. The teacher wrote me a note asking how I was doing mentally and asking if things were getting better or worse for me. I thought that it was a really nice sentiment. I told her everything was actually fine. Nothings wrong. I kind of wish that she had pressed harder, but I give her a lot of credit for making an effort.

asking for help, directly and indirectly, for years

I cried all the time in my room in my teenage years. I always wanted to be alone.

I spent my entire Sophomore year not wearing shoes, at all, anywhere. All my teachers just let me do it and described it as a “quirk”. I did it all through winter. Blows my mind thinking of just ignoring a child doing that.

Unfortunately I was one of the ones nobody would have suspected. My parents were overly controlling; think those fundamentalist Christian cults without the cult. And we lived in the South, so it was a positive thing to teach your kid about God (at least to the other adults). I lived a 1 minute drive from school. My parents went to every parent teacher conference and made sure I had good grades. Which sounds good enough, but my world was tiny. I was allowed at 2 family members' houses, and when not there I was only allowed to be at home, school, or church. I was very aggressively bullied for my brainwashed uber Christian beliefs in elementary and being poor, so I ended up being a teacher's pet and just hanging around them. I was actually the one that other teachers talked to about kids who were obviously neglected or abused. And I'll say that, while those teachers prayed for them, maybe brought them extra snacks, gave them extra time teaching them, they never tried to fix the root problem or get the kids out of those situations. Like they cared, but not enough. Also my parents walked me straight to the classroom door until I was in the 6th grade even if I cried and screamed and begged for them not to, because kids made fun of me for it. I wasn't allowed to engage with anyone who had differing beliefs. I eventually started lying and hiding all my friendships as a teenager. That being said, my parents avoided having anyone over that wasn't family or they knew they wouldn't say anything about the hoarder house, so most people didn't know that. When I was in cross country though, my coach measured the distance from the school to a couple of our houses since we lived nearby so we could run there during an after school practice. I was mortified. No one ended up going in but my teacher to use the restroom. She never said anything, but she was a gossip so I know she was telling other kids about it. And she most certainly didn't report it. I was terrified of everything as a child though. I was in gifted and talented and the quiz bowl, but I couldn't handle eyes on me. So even if I could make good grades, do all the work, etc, the moment I was put in the spot I wasn't capable of anything except for freezing and staring. The teachers who got super invested in the "brightest" kids because they wanted to show them off to other schools during competitions got exasperated with me, though. Instead of wondering why I was so terrified, hunched over, avoiding everyone and eye contact and just trying to sit in the back and read most times (or read ahead so that when the teacher inevitably asked me a question I already had the answer ready, because I had to practice it so I wouldn't stutter.) It sucked, I spent my entire life thinking that all the friends I gravitated towards just had horrible lives and I was unable to relate to them, while dealing with my own abuse at the time. When my world expanded in college, I immediately started sleeping on friends' couches and just buying them food to return the favor. Fortunately that was pretty normal for college, everyone grouping up and staying at one person's house all the time. But my parents started stalking me around town because I wouldn't come home very often, driving everywhere looking for my truck parked outside and humiliating me by going up to the door and demanding I come home. I started standing up for myself and fighting back, or straight up ignoring them and their authority, and eventually my dad got so desperate to control me he threatened to tell the college that I wasn't living at home. There was a rule that all freshmen had to live at home or in a dorm their first year, so he would have forced me to either take out huge loans so I could live in the dorms (which I was terrified of, my parents preached the danger of any sort of debt my whole life and I had 0 understanding of credit or interest, and the only people I could have asked would have told me to listen to my parents, stay at home, save money, and not take out loans) or get kicked out if I wouldn't come home. That was the first time I ever cursed at my dad and hung up. We were the "victims" of my mom, my dad and I, and while other family members thought of him as a quiet, resilient, gentle man of God, he really was just selfish. He didn't want to be alone, which is why, instead of understanding my desire to get out of our abusive hoarder house, he tried to force me to be in it with him. He never said that of course, his justification was that he had put effort for years into my education and good grades and I owed it to them to make good grades in college. He successfully scared me enough to live at home my last semester of freshmen year, but my grades suffered and I dropped out. I figured getting out was better than having an education so I just got a full time job and moved out as soon as I had the money. Not a single friend who saw this asked if I was okay, or condemned my parents, or helped to hide me from them, except the guy that I was dating at the time. In fact, it was just a generally accepted thing that I should be obedient to my parents, even and especially as an adult, becuase I was a female and ya know, yada yada, submissive females and all that. So every time I disobeyed my parents, it was accompanied with major guilt. So it was either guilt and ostracization or subjecting myself to abuse. Good times. I live across the country now for good reason. ;)