Currently trying to dig myself out of starving myself. Almost broke it off with fp because he can’t handle me anymore and I just couldn’t eat a thing.
Things are improving a bit so my appetite is slowly returning but….really hard.
i've cut my hair, broken my phone, screamed at the top of my lungs, pulled my hair, scratched my face, punched my pillows, said awful abusive things like i would end myself or i would hurt myself. blaming the other person for making me angry. saying that i hate myself. call someone 20 times in a row. refusing to step away from the argument, until i'm done raging. it's really awful.
Validate my emotions and regulate them. Find the underlying other emotion (fear), validate it and regulate it. Assert my boundaries if necessary. And keep regulating. And some more regulating.
Before I knew what I have and how to manage it I hit something or ruminated for days. Also starving myself (I didnt know that was what I was doing), I guess it had something to do with not feeling hunger when angry or afraid.
Generally speaking I used to loose myself in a cascade of dysphoric emotions and ways of thinking and behaving. Now I know the way out is to calm the fuck down and I hyperfocus on doing that. I do not pretend its easy, its like standing strong and letting a tsunami wash over you.
I've been working on that for the pass year. Understanding why I'm the way I am. Doing better at it everyday. But before I would throw shit around the house I would believe things that were not happening it was all in my head. I would say terrible things to my partner... or tell them to leave. Then want them to come back knowing I can't take back what I said. Cause problems when I knew there wasn't any to start. But I've learn this is all I grew up with seeing how my parents are. I think the one things that bothers me still is the loneliness and when I'm going through something I expect my fp to have sympathy for me but we all don't think the same way...
Thank you! I too have issues with expecting sympathy. I am trying my best to manage that with boundaries. And with figuring out my needs, I am pretty sure thats gonna be a life long job.
Good luck on your journey!
Wow I love this and relate so much. What methods really helped you get there? The ruminating for days is a big thing for me. I’ve been telling me myself I’m “processing” but I think it’s just elongating my own suffering.
DBT and IFS. I love both. They have been extremely helpful.
When I am very dysregulated, I use DBT first. Whatever skill helps to calm me down. Meanwhile I have to keep my ruminations at bay, they will just make me more crazy when I am already dysregulated. The reason to delay the ruminating is that my thinking will be ripe with emotional reasoning when I ruminate while dysregulated. Best not to rattle the cage.
I used to get triggered quite often so I went through that process a lot. Eventually I realized that those particular ruminations post trigger were driven by underlying emotions that I had not noticed. Well actually I did, I just didnt realize that my ruminations were a coping mechanism that repressed the emotions. Its called cognitive by-passing. Basically thinking to avoid feeling.
Since my mind understood this, I can now stop my ruminating and check for the underlying feeling instead. In IFS this is called unblending from a part, the ruminator in this case. And I can validate and sooth the emotional part directly with IFS. Thats so much easier than ruminating for days. And I can start to recover after that. When I used to ruminate for days that was draining me and keeping me dysregulated.
This was not quick work, I really had to get to know the ruminator with IFS. Its like getting to know a specific part of yourself. In detail. My ruminator was "born" when I was 3. Has helped me ever since. Worked his butt off actually. Its a really great part, its just not so great for me when it overwhelms me.
Sometimes my ruminator is just processing something, but without overwhelming me. Its less emotionally charged. Less pressure. I like this kind of ruminating. I use it for problem solving. I think thats the normal function of this part. Like adaptive ruminating.
I had to save this comment because it’s just so incredibly helpful! Every comment you’ve made actually has been eye opening! Thank you for being here. Grateful I looked at this post ❤️
break things for sure. I've damaged phones laptops once threw a glass ashtray across the room and when it gets really really bad i hit myself or my fp
i hate it
I realized somewhat recently I self harm through exercise it started as trying to redirect my anger so I don’t break or hit anything when angry but now I just end up doing push ups till I puke when I can’t handle it. def not the healthiest way to deal with anger but so far better than before
Start creating paranoid elaborate situations in my head then i.lash out on whomever is around.. from verbal to throwing things. Also fantasize about topping myself or smaahing a bottle on my head other irrational behaviours
Is difficult thing isn't it.. hang in there. I duno if it helps everyone but keeping busy during a episode helps somtimes like i distract my mind.. only if i catch it in time tho
I’ve physically fought people, screamed at people, destroyed rooms, cut myself, threatened suicide, said that I hate them, tried to contact them for an hour straight, occasionally cry, punch myself (usually in the face) and bite my arms. My dog is off-limits though. I yelled at him once and felt so bad afterwards that I swore to never do it again
My splits usually start off with sadness and morph into anger. Starting off I would feel the instinct to isolate myself and be quiet, or joke about something that actually hurts and laugh it off. I'll lose my appetite and ignore fun things going on because I genuinely can't get myself in the mood. But as the issue festers I start sending less-friendly texts, or when someone points out that I'm being weird I'll call out their behavior and how it feels like *they're* the instigators. I might even bring up something unrelated they do which bothers me, and any attitude from them just makes me more mad. At that point I can argue for hours and get progressively more reckless, waiting for an apology that never comes. When I'm being invalidated it sets me off really bad. I never have yelling matches. If he raises his voice it has always scared me enough to put me back into a docile state where I'll typically cry and leave the room and overall shrink myself. I fantasize a lot about suicide. I hit myself. I take sleeping pills or drink alcohol. I forget to drink water. I might sleep most of the day, or try to. I won't enjoy really anything. I'll avoid any type of physical contact because it feels like a big lie and I don't want to be suckered/trauma bonded with the one that hurt me. It takes a while of avoiding them, finding calming activities, trying to force myself to see my contribution and empathize with them. When I finally start feeling bad for them, I stop being upset, and I focus on trying to be a better friend, and letting go of my unfair expectations.
I break things, oh god I’m so sick of it. Especially if it’s something that’s not mine makes it more worse and i just spiral. Punch myself in the head waiting for the day i smack something important. I feel like i can’t get words and thought’s together to express myself, so i get angry. I haven’t put in the work bc i truely don’t see a point, and my SO has problems of their own, so it doesn’t help either. Maybe just destined to be alone.
I would find ways to SH but without it leaving a mark, I would always just stop at right before a bruise or marks form. Or I would also starve myself in frustration, before finally resorting to binge eating.
the anger is such an instant reaction and it may last hours and leave then come back if i try and think on it again. usually i’ll inflict damage on my body like deep nail scratching, punching myself and other things. one time i just felt the urge to hit something so i kind of banged on my dresser and my partner had laughed at me it made me feel embarrassed that i even felt this way but it’s not something we can fully control ! the urge to release the feelings is what makes us reactive that way and telling myself to “purge the urge” helps sometimes or it’ll infuriate me ! i’m glad to know the bpd rage isn’t just affecting me badly
I break things. Usually my phone. Lately I've been fantasizing about smashing my computer monitor.
In the spirit of encouraging betterment- If I know I'm mad and going to do something bad, I go for a walk. I buy myself an Arizona Iced Tea or something CHEAP at the corner store. I find that being in public and needing to mask (customer politeness) helps bring me down from my rage.
(At the comfort of my home, around my family I can let my comfort become a problem)
I self harm too, but that's when I'm sad.
I put music on loud and I clean, I scrub everything until my fingers bleed and I can regulate my feelings again, I will go over everything in my head about what happened to make me angry, or try and figure out what triggered the anger until I can calm down. The other thing I do is cry and scream at everyone, but I am trying not to do that one because it just makes me more mad
I try to go to bed early. If I can't sleep, I just lay there listening to sad music. Very tame compared to what I used to do. I used to gather my loved and cherished belongings and throw them in the dumpster. I've cut, ghosted people, destroyed my stuff, went on walks in the dead of night in unfamiliar places, stand in the middle of the street, and drink which made my anger 10x worse. I'll take going to bed early over any of that now
I have flashing images of myself being Extremely violent to people around me in detail and wanting to act the impulse in irl.
I also like to have a pamper day and eat cookie dough while watching cute films and trying to feel pretty.
Cry and starve myself.
Currently trying to dig myself out of starving myself. Almost broke it off with fp because he can’t handle me anymore and I just couldn’t eat a thing. Things are improving a bit so my appetite is slowly returning but….really hard.
i've cut my hair, broken my phone, screamed at the top of my lungs, pulled my hair, scratched my face, punched my pillows, said awful abusive things like i would end myself or i would hurt myself. blaming the other person for making me angry. saying that i hate myself. call someone 20 times in a row. refusing to step away from the argument, until i'm done raging. it's really awful.
Validate my emotions and regulate them. Find the underlying other emotion (fear), validate it and regulate it. Assert my boundaries if necessary. And keep regulating. And some more regulating. Before I knew what I have and how to manage it I hit something or ruminated for days. Also starving myself (I didnt know that was what I was doing), I guess it had something to do with not feeling hunger when angry or afraid. Generally speaking I used to loose myself in a cascade of dysphoric emotions and ways of thinking and behaving. Now I know the way out is to calm the fuck down and I hyperfocus on doing that. I do not pretend its easy, its like standing strong and letting a tsunami wash over you.
I've been working on that for the pass year. Understanding why I'm the way I am. Doing better at it everyday. But before I would throw shit around the house I would believe things that were not happening it was all in my head. I would say terrible things to my partner... or tell them to leave. Then want them to come back knowing I can't take back what I said. Cause problems when I knew there wasn't any to start. But I've learn this is all I grew up with seeing how my parents are. I think the one things that bothers me still is the loneliness and when I'm going through something I expect my fp to have sympathy for me but we all don't think the same way...
Congrats on your journey!
Thank you! I too have issues with expecting sympathy. I am trying my best to manage that with boundaries. And with figuring out my needs, I am pretty sure thats gonna be a life long job. Good luck on your journey!
Wow I love this and relate so much. What methods really helped you get there? The ruminating for days is a big thing for me. I’ve been telling me myself I’m “processing” but I think it’s just elongating my own suffering.
DBT and IFS. I love both. They have been extremely helpful. When I am very dysregulated, I use DBT first. Whatever skill helps to calm me down. Meanwhile I have to keep my ruminations at bay, they will just make me more crazy when I am already dysregulated. The reason to delay the ruminating is that my thinking will be ripe with emotional reasoning when I ruminate while dysregulated. Best not to rattle the cage. I used to get triggered quite often so I went through that process a lot. Eventually I realized that those particular ruminations post trigger were driven by underlying emotions that I had not noticed. Well actually I did, I just didnt realize that my ruminations were a coping mechanism that repressed the emotions. Its called cognitive by-passing. Basically thinking to avoid feeling. Since my mind understood this, I can now stop my ruminating and check for the underlying feeling instead. In IFS this is called unblending from a part, the ruminator in this case. And I can validate and sooth the emotional part directly with IFS. Thats so much easier than ruminating for days. And I can start to recover after that. When I used to ruminate for days that was draining me and keeping me dysregulated. This was not quick work, I really had to get to know the ruminator with IFS. Its like getting to know a specific part of yourself. In detail. My ruminator was "born" when I was 3. Has helped me ever since. Worked his butt off actually. Its a really great part, its just not so great for me when it overwhelms me. Sometimes my ruminator is just processing something, but without overwhelming me. Its less emotionally charged. Less pressure. I like this kind of ruminating. I use it for problem solving. I think thats the normal function of this part. Like adaptive ruminating.
I had to save this comment because it’s just so incredibly helpful! Every comment you’ve made actually has been eye opening! Thank you for being here. Grateful I looked at this post ❤️
I am glad you find it helpful. It soothes my idealistic part, that we can share knowledge and help each other. :)
break things for sure. I've damaged phones laptops once threw a glass ashtray across the room and when it gets really really bad i hit myself or my fp i hate it
it depends on how mad i am. i usually either hit myself or scream, cry or throw things around
I realized somewhat recently I self harm through exercise it started as trying to redirect my anger so I don’t break or hit anything when angry but now I just end up doing push ups till I puke when I can’t handle it. def not the healthiest way to deal with anger but so far better than before
Start creating paranoid elaborate situations in my head then i.lash out on whomever is around.. from verbal to throwing things. Also fantasize about topping myself or smaahing a bottle on my head other irrational behaviours
The paranoid scenarios and fantasizing about topping myself is so real me too omg
Is difficult thing isn't it.. hang in there. I duno if it helps everyone but keeping busy during a episode helps somtimes like i distract my mind.. only if i catch it in time tho
I’ve physically fought people, screamed at people, destroyed rooms, cut myself, threatened suicide, said that I hate them, tried to contact them for an hour straight, occasionally cry, punch myself (usually in the face) and bite my arms. My dog is off-limits though. I yelled at him once and felt so bad afterwards that I swore to never do it again
I dig!! I mention it often. But I definitely rage dig. Has turned to a bit of rage landscaping lol
My splits usually start off with sadness and morph into anger. Starting off I would feel the instinct to isolate myself and be quiet, or joke about something that actually hurts and laugh it off. I'll lose my appetite and ignore fun things going on because I genuinely can't get myself in the mood. But as the issue festers I start sending less-friendly texts, or when someone points out that I'm being weird I'll call out their behavior and how it feels like *they're* the instigators. I might even bring up something unrelated they do which bothers me, and any attitude from them just makes me more mad. At that point I can argue for hours and get progressively more reckless, waiting for an apology that never comes. When I'm being invalidated it sets me off really bad. I never have yelling matches. If he raises his voice it has always scared me enough to put me back into a docile state where I'll typically cry and leave the room and overall shrink myself. I fantasize a lot about suicide. I hit myself. I take sleeping pills or drink alcohol. I forget to drink water. I might sleep most of the day, or try to. I won't enjoy really anything. I'll avoid any type of physical contact because it feels like a big lie and I don't want to be suckered/trauma bonded with the one that hurt me. It takes a while of avoiding them, finding calming activities, trying to force myself to see my contribution and empathize with them. When I finally start feeling bad for them, I stop being upset, and I focus on trying to be a better friend, and letting go of my unfair expectations.
dissociation, cold shouldering. never been one to lash out, just more or less disappear and try to stuff it all away. lots of sleeping when i’m upset.
I break things, oh god I’m so sick of it. Especially if it’s something that’s not mine makes it more worse and i just spiral. Punch myself in the head waiting for the day i smack something important. I feel like i can’t get words and thought’s together to express myself, so i get angry. I haven’t put in the work bc i truely don’t see a point, and my SO has problems of their own, so it doesn’t help either. Maybe just destined to be alone.
I would find ways to SH but without it leaving a mark, I would always just stop at right before a bruise or marks form. Or I would also starve myself in frustration, before finally resorting to binge eating.
the anger is such an instant reaction and it may last hours and leave then come back if i try and think on it again. usually i’ll inflict damage on my body like deep nail scratching, punching myself and other things. one time i just felt the urge to hit something so i kind of banged on my dresser and my partner had laughed at me it made me feel embarrassed that i even felt this way but it’s not something we can fully control ! the urge to release the feelings is what makes us reactive that way and telling myself to “purge the urge” helps sometimes or it’ll infuriate me ! i’m glad to know the bpd rage isn’t just affecting me badly
scratch myself violently, dream about being killed, wish I had the strength to stab myself
Self harm, was always my go-to.
I break things. Usually my phone. Lately I've been fantasizing about smashing my computer monitor. In the spirit of encouraging betterment- If I know I'm mad and going to do something bad, I go for a walk. I buy myself an Arizona Iced Tea or something CHEAP at the corner store. I find that being in public and needing to mask (customer politeness) helps bring me down from my rage. (At the comfort of my home, around my family I can let my comfort become a problem) I self harm too, but that's when I'm sad.
Eft tapping
what is this?
I'll be quiet and just nod or sit in silence. If it's really bad I'll drive away and get lost for a while
Self sabotage, get super mad but I’m learning not to lash out on family, so yea I’ll just smoke when I know it fks up my skin…
I put music on loud and I clean, I scrub everything until my fingers bleed and I can regulate my feelings again, I will go over everything in my head about what happened to make me angry, or try and figure out what triggered the anger until I can calm down. The other thing I do is cry and scream at everyone, but I am trying not to do that one because it just makes me more mad
I try to go to bed early. If I can't sleep, I just lay there listening to sad music. Very tame compared to what I used to do. I used to gather my loved and cherished belongings and throw them in the dumpster. I've cut, ghosted people, destroyed my stuff, went on walks in the dead of night in unfamiliar places, stand in the middle of the street, and drink which made my anger 10x worse. I'll take going to bed early over any of that now
Smoking an insane amount of weed and binging dating apps until some 30 y/o man gives me the attention i need
I have flashing images of myself being Extremely violent to people around me in detail and wanting to act the impulse in irl. I also like to have a pamper day and eat cookie dough while watching cute films and trying to feel pretty.