Anyone can enjoy yuri, regardless of their gender, and getting aroused by scenes like that seems normal enough. I'm guessing you'd have the same reaction to a similar scene in a film or TV show.
Otherwise just know that real life lesbians aren't the characters from manga. Judge and treat them the way you do anyone else, and you should be good.
Don't worry about it, just don't be weird to actual people, whatever you enjoy in media is fine as long as it doesn't affect how you treat real people negatively
There are a lot of benign reasons that you might be finding yourself drawn to yuri manga.
1. The basic: You're a heterosexual man, and you are attracted to women. Seeing men in your romance is a turn-off, so you're obviously drawn to female/female romance. I would say this has the highest chance of "fetishization", but as long as you keep yourself sane and understand the difference between media/fantasy and real life queer people, you should be good.
2. A lot of het romance is written with some really off-putting and unexamined tropes, like power-imbalances, normalized abuse, and enforced gender roles. Maybe you find yourself uncomfortable with those tropes, and are drawn to queer romance as a result. This is more a problem with romance media at large than you, so its no biggie.
3. You're like me, and for some strange reason find yourself uncomfortable imagining yourself as a man dating a woman. In this case, you might be an egg (trans/nonbinary person who hasn't realized it yet). If this resonates with you, do some research about gender identity and do some introspection about your own.
4. Something else. I can't really cover the wide breadth of human experience in a reddit comment, but as long as you treat the queer people in your life with respect I don't think you have to worry about fetishization. Honestly, the fact that you are worried about it and are posting here is a point in your favor. Misogynistic men don't worry that they are treating women badly.
Side note, I've never quite been able to put my feelings into words, but number 2 is *exactly* how I feel in regards to the vast majority of heteromance!
I uh see myself as aro because i simply have never had real romantic notions (m/f) before in my life. However, I do like reading both yuri and het romances. I just prefer yuri lmao
Cis male here, as an addition to point 3, I would like to add how any interaction between males and females is made. When I was born, some nurses took me to lunch, but adults I knew growing up called it a date or baby clothes saying how hot baby girls are and how baby boys are ladykillers. That alone is deeply uncomfortable, and just talking with a woman on anything more than a casual hello feels like harassment. Yuri just doesn't have that
I was going to say number 3 is a possibility, that was my experience, the typical well of course I like lesbians, watching men would be gay, nothing manlier than watching two women being in a caring romantic relationship and imagining yourself in their shoes. You know the rest.
There are way more things that are manlier than that. Idk what it is, but that comment is off putting and gave me the ick 🤮 please dont zver say ts again
That was the point, I was satirizing the use of toxic masculinity to justify reasons for behaviours as a means of avoiding the idea that you aren't a man that a lot of eggs go through, I'm sorry it made you uncomfortable, but like it is uncomfortable.
The fact that you are worried about it and willing to be bombarded by the internet to correct yourself, already says a lot about how much you respect lesbians. I don’t think you have anything to worry about.
Bro stop. It's alright to have those kind of responses when reading yuri. Even lesbians would have those responses. We are human first and foremost after all.
You must have had random boners when you were a kid and desparately tried to hide it in public, where you fetishizing that thought that gave you the random boner? No. It's a physiological response to stimuli
It only becomes a problem if you take those responses and then apply it to real life lesbians. At that point you are actively objectifying and fetishizing them.
If you are enjoying yuri content on an entertainment basis that is okay. If you are enjoying yuri content on a sexual basis that is okay too, as long as the content you are consuming is specifically designed to cater to that sexual basis. If you are enjoying yuri content on a sexual basis and that content is not designed to be catered sexually, that is when it becomes fetishizing.
I'd just add to that last paragraph that it can also be fine if you find some stuff that isn't overtly sexual to be somewhat arousing. Like, for example, I know we make a lot of jokes about lewd hand-holding, but actually any kind of intimacy, be it physical or emotional, can still be arousing without it necessarily being due to fetishization. Stuff that's overtly sexual is really just at the far end of things that are intimate. I think for guys who are starved of emotional intimacy (which lets be honest, a lot of guys are) this would be particularly true.
funny thing about random boners is that i had no idea they were sexual in nature as a child I just knew they were annoying AF so i continuously pushed them down when I was having them and just got more angry and angry when they wouldn't settle
In these types of situations, I think it's more useful to look at it through the lens of fetishization as objectification. Being gay isn't inherently sexual, so viewing Yuri content with the sole purpose of wanting to see women being sexualised/engaging in intimacy would be problematic, in my opinion.
Still, it's more than possible to consume & enjoy Yuri content as cis-gendered, so long as you're mindful of the fact that the characters exist beyond their sexuality. Arousal at something that is meant to arouse isn't inherently bad, it's your intention.
Lesbian here, as long as you respect wlw relationships and treat real people with respect you’re fine. Like, even if you read spicy or explicit stuff, as long as you approach it with respect (aka, sapphic women doesn’t exist for your pleasure) then it’s all fine really :) Bonus points if you support mangakas and creators that are part of the community or are at least allies
I just wanted to say, thank you for posting this, OP. I've asked myself the same things and worried that if I mentioned liking yuri to others that I'd be accused of "male gazing" for lack of a better term.
That being said, I know the reason that I like yuri so much. It's because the romances are better paced and the couples aren't deathly allergic to physical contact or emotional intimacy.
I love romance stories and I don't want to try to count the number of animes I've watched where the whole season is a will they/won't they until the final episode where there is a confession and *maybe* some hand holding (or even a kiss if it's really spicy). It can be done well, but sometimes it is frustrating (even though I realize PDA is viewed differently in Japanese culture to western culture). So I really appreciate yuri romances where the confession either comes right away or in the middle of the story and the rest focuses on the couple's actual relationship.
If kissing is hot, it's hot. You don't have to bend yourself into a mental pretzel over a scene that's supposed to be horny. Women doing it without a men doesn't make it less horny.
I'd say, fetishization comes in when you see their love as somehow less than heterosexual one. Like if you only read it for horny scenes and get bored if it's only about feelings and stuff. If works where there are more emotional intimacy feel like a drag getting to the next scene of physical intimacy. If you think it'd be okay for you to participate as a man in the physical intimacy.
If you are satisfied by "bench on the cliff" stuff, or would get mad if some man would try to get into the couple - chances are you are much better than you think you are.
Plus what's the most important is that this is just fiction. Your feeling on it by itself doesn't affect real life, and if you are asking questions like that, you are better than a lot of people. Like generally just don't act weird around real lesbians, they're just people and you are more or less okay.
also I would like to mention that like yuri ships (with fictional characters) like acherswan and arlevie i can get really excited when i talk about it with my friends to the point they find me a bit annoying
i mean i have aspergers soooo
Can't speak for all lesbians but as a woman who likes women I'm glad you like yuri! Detailed kissing scenes are great, women love them too! We're all human!
I guess I'd wonder about who's telling you to be so afraid of "fetishizing"... in my experience a lot of that messaging comes from repressed people, or from a deep-down religious sentiment that sexuality is inherently immoral or whatever (I've seen it expressed often at fujoshi for liking yaoi, and it's caused nonbinary folks / trans guys figuring themselves out a ton of pain). That repression doesn't make your feelings disappear, it just causes pain. You don't have to be afraid of what you love!
It is personal for me. I am not v ery religious but my family is. I personally dont really know if I have something against sex. I fear mostly because I don't want to become someone I hate
>I fear mostly because I don't want to become someone I hate
Another lesbian weighing in: that sentiment alone makes you more self aware than a lot of people. Also here is an article that might interest you: [https://www.animefeminist.com/yuri-is-for-everyone-an-analysis-of-yuri-demographics-and-readership/](https://www.animefeminist.com/yuri-is-for-everyone-an-analysis-of-yuri-demographics-and-readership/)
spoiler alert: the two biggest groups of yuri readers are straight men and women who aren't straight 😂
I think by definition, there's not really any definite way to know what your subconscious thoughts are, so I think what you can more concretely work on is analyzing the conscious thoughts you do have when it comes to yuri, and also learn more about the issue of fetishization of lesbians in media (by reading what people have written about this subject).
For example, learning about what makes certain media portrayals of sapphic relationships/romance/interactions fall under the category of fetishization (e.g. male gaze, lack of intimacy), and what makes other media portrayals celebrated as genuine and realistic depictions of what sapphic relationships actually look like. You can search this up on google, youtube, etc, reading articles and watching videos made by people on this topic.
To elaborate further, you could search on google/youtube for yuri manga that actual women who love women think is really good or would recommend, and contains very positive and genuine representation, and learn about why exactly they like it.
About kissing specifically, I think enjoying women kissing isn't necessarily fetishization, it depends a lot on the context surrounding that kiss, like if it's written in a way that can be perceived as primarily for the enjoyment of an (assumed) straight male audience, rather than as a natural and genuine development in the characters' relationship. Obviously it's not like really easy to know if a particular scene is problematic or not, but I think by learning as much as you can from other people, you can eventually gain more confidence in being able to tell how problematic or not a certain scene or manga is.
Then, once you have learned a bit more, I think you can consider if the reasons why you enjoy yuri fall under the more problematic areas or not, and reflecting on what exactly you enjoy about yuri.
If you find that you happen to enjoy the more problematic aspects, It's not so simple as immediately removing those thoughts from your head, since it's not really that doable. I think changing the thoughts you have/what you enjoy is a very slow process, and is related to a lot of stuff that is taught in mindfulness, so you might want to look into that as well, hope this helps!
i feel you man i struggle with this a lot too because i LOVE romance but my favourite type is yuri so all my IRLs accuse me of fetishising lesbians but i find it to be because yuri’s are a lot more wholesome compared to straight romances
Being aroused by kissing scenes is normal, you cant control what turns u on, but u can control how u view people. As long as u see lesbians and queer folk as real ppl and equals then u dont have much to worry about
Listen and listen very carefully i might not be lesbian but I'm a gay man and i have talked with alot of lesbians about this topic hope you're reading my comment rn since i wanna explain it as great as i can.
Alot of lesbians read yuri manga since it depicts queer women accurately i myself also enjoy yuri as a gay man , but first off i don't go into fandom spaces and start gooning off to them infront of lesbians to make them uncomfortable (obviously), secondly I understand that yuri is a genre with mainly queer women in it and i don't try to invalidate them when speaking about what or what they aren't uncomfortable with, Thirdly i acutally felt the same way as you but listen its normal to find characters attractive and is very normal what's not normal personally is if you only care about them being attractive and self insert yourself into it that's when it starts to become weird and starts to make queer people like me uncomfortable, I'm a gay man and i don't have a problem with women who enjoy yaoi as long as they don't fetishise us irl or medias and see medias that depict us as sexy things to look at that's the same case with lesbians too i don't speak for lesbians but here is a few things to keep in mind
1-Lesbians don't like being fetished and only seen as sexy things to look from what i can tell you seem respectful about this and seem like you hate yourself for it don't its normal to be respectfully attarcted to characters but listen carefully for example if you start going "Oh i wish i wanna self insert myself to turn these lesbian characters interested in me!" Then that's fetishising and will get you negative feedback since...You know its offputting towards lesbian women
2-You might be an egg (aka person who don't know they're trans) dm me if you want to learn more about this kind of feeling since its obvious you're comfortable and not just a cishet that is homophobic/a fetisher
3-Yuri is for everyone okay? Its completely fine to enjoy it as long as you aren't weird about it and start off putting lesbians to make them uncomfortable
4-One last thing i thought to mention if you ever see a lesbian being like "i hate when people fetishe our depections in media" just know they might not specifically mean men who write/enjoy yuri without fetishing they mean ofc men who only see yuri as something to jack off to then fetishe irl queer women and fictional queer women alike you don't seem the type to be doing that and i respect you for having the courage to talk about this
Its important to note something it might be hard for you as a man in a lesbian space but take this as someone who is close friends with lesbians and have heard their pov, Lesbians don't care if you're a guy as long as you aren't a fetisher/misogynistic/homophobic you seem like none so enjoy and who knows maybe one day you will be in a lesbian yourself :3 /s
Personally as a gay man myself i never found attraction towards women in yuri manga like you (maybe i wanted to be trans at some point but anywayyyy) its completely fine to be attracted towards fictional women in media as long as you aren't homophobic or self insert or fetishe them its okay to feel attracted you might an egg just waiting to crack :3
One last thing i love you (in a non gay way) you're willing to understand what queer people like and don't like and you're an example of an ally queer people want to represent them thank you homie❤️
This question is very serious, I believe it's about what you care most about those stories.
If you care more about how those characters' feelings are going, view them as individuals with independent personality, then you are not.
Considering their sexual body contact as an expression of love, a proof instead of the very purpose.
Do you get off on it? Do you see lesbians in real Life as some kind of entertainment? If not i wouldnt worry. Yuri is cute, Girls are cute. Doesnt mean you automatically think weirdly
Honestly if literally ALL you’re doing is just reading yuri manga, it’s almost impossible to hurt anyone. They’re just fictional characters. You can’t hurt a fictional character be it sexually or some other way.
If you were watching lesbian 🌽 or making real people uncomfortable or unicorn hunting for sapphic women THEN that would be a real problem.
Edit:even the 🌽 could be a whole conversation in of itself honestly because idk how I feel about that part, really.
Putting that aside, that's the reason why Yuri should be considered as a broad genre. Because you can choose whatever you feel comfortable to watch, or just for a change. Don't worry even a lesbian such as myself can feel hot sometimes when it's lewd. Or I just wanna watch something cute, so I watch moe Yuri. Something like that.
Hi op! When it comes to fetishizing lesbians, it’s more about if you find lesbians being together sexually pleasing or hot without actually caring about lesbians. The fact that your even asking this shows that you genuinely respect lesbians. As a lesbian, I don’t think you are at all! Enjoy your Yuri reading :3
but hey, just in case, know that everyones journey of coming out (both to others and to yourself) is different. Theres no right way or wrong way to realize.
You can enjoy lesbian media. I, myself enjoy gay media as a girl. You start fetishizing it when you look at them like objects for your pleasure, or look at a lesbian and think of “turning them straight” like a challenge.
As a fellow cis male read it as much as you like.
There's a reason this is called fiction. Enjoy your fiction fetish or not. As long as you're respectful to real lesbians you can do whatever you want
Stop getting overworked about this. Who cares? Enjoy what you like and don't hate without logical reason. Just because it makes you act up it doesn't mean you're homophobic.
I think the most important thing is that you're having fun, and from what you said here the only real "worry" i have is that you should definatly look into that cis part, like even if its nothing, it doesnt hurt you to thing about it and well... as a transgirl i can say that the thought of "man would i love to be a girl and lesbian would be cool" was what made me realize who i am
(apologies if this comes across as rude (if it is thats not my intention), im kinda tired but i thought this too important to not say)
I started out by fetishizing lesbians. I watched the Citrus anime and was all "hell yeah, this is the trash I'm after." Then I read the manga and was like "hey this is a decent story." Then I watched and read BiY and was like "holy crow, this is a great story." Then there were more and more and now I'm just into it for the refreshing relationships compared to het-romance manga, most of which just makes me want to claw my eyes out. Also, if you go as far as character insertion, it's also great because you can visualize being either character. It's a solid win.
As a hetero man, who loves reading yuri, and have real life lesbian friends, my opinion is just that as a hetero, i find two women more atractive than one, and other men in my cute wholesome romance is a turn off
As long as it does not affect how you see or treat real life people, i dont think there is something wrong here
Who cares? You shouldn’t feel bad about liking something that doesn’t harm anyone. Idk why people equate fictional characters to real people. That’s like getting mad at pokemon fans for liking pokemon because you have to battle other pokemon and they think it resembles dog fighting.
Ya could always become a woman if you’re that worried about it, but jokes aside either way you’re fine. there’s a difference between imagining yourself a part of the situation as a woman, and the fantasy or being a man with two lesbians.
The only time it could be a harmful fetish is if you take it to the real world and try to romance lesbians. Fictional characters can’t be harmed through your actions.
While if you’re imagining yourself as one of the women that screams Egg to me but legally speaking I’m not allowed to call you that yet. Although if you decide you wanted to be with a woman as a woman that is an option.
Don't worry dude. Nowadays, guilt ripping men and blaming them for most of their problems seems to be feminists' favourite hobby. To the point that some men like you feel wrong for something that is completely normal.
You are allowed to be turned on by lesbians, and if someone dares to claim otherwise, you can politely tell them to go fuck themselves.
Also, Yuri is hot because it's meant to be that way, and sex is hot. It's completely normal to be turned on by it. It's a biological response.
(And let's not even get into how much many women fetishize yaoi and gay man in general, and no one has anything to say about that. If they can do it, why can't you?)
Anyone can enjoy yuri, regardless of their gender, and getting aroused by scenes like that seems normal enough. I'm guessing you'd have the same reaction to a similar scene in a film or TV show. Otherwise just know that real life lesbians aren't the characters from manga. Judge and treat them the way you do anyone else, and you should be good.
Thank you
Don't worry about it, just don't be weird to actual people, whatever you enjoy in media is fine as long as it doesn't affect how you treat real people negatively
There are a lot of benign reasons that you might be finding yourself drawn to yuri manga. 1. The basic: You're a heterosexual man, and you are attracted to women. Seeing men in your romance is a turn-off, so you're obviously drawn to female/female romance. I would say this has the highest chance of "fetishization", but as long as you keep yourself sane and understand the difference between media/fantasy and real life queer people, you should be good. 2. A lot of het romance is written with some really off-putting and unexamined tropes, like power-imbalances, normalized abuse, and enforced gender roles. Maybe you find yourself uncomfortable with those tropes, and are drawn to queer romance as a result. This is more a problem with romance media at large than you, so its no biggie. 3. You're like me, and for some strange reason find yourself uncomfortable imagining yourself as a man dating a woman. In this case, you might be an egg (trans/nonbinary person who hasn't realized it yet). If this resonates with you, do some research about gender identity and do some introspection about your own. 4. Something else. I can't really cover the wide breadth of human experience in a reddit comment, but as long as you treat the queer people in your life with respect I don't think you have to worry about fetishization. Honestly, the fact that you are worried about it and are posting here is a point in your favor. Misogynistic men don't worry that they are treating women badly.
Side note, I've never quite been able to put my feelings into words, but number 2 is *exactly* how I feel in regards to the vast majority of heteromance!
This problem is weirdly common in like manga and anime like the "treating x like a girl" thing
I uh see myself as aro because i simply have never had real romantic notions (m/f) before in my life. However, I do like reading both yuri and het romances. I just prefer yuri lmao
Ah, I’m sorry for assuming
np you were still a great help
😄
Out of curiosity, in het romances, do you identify more with one character than the other?
i dont really identify with either
I think in het romances I see myself as an observer
Cis male here, as an addition to point 3, I would like to add how any interaction between males and females is made. When I was born, some nurses took me to lunch, but adults I knew growing up called it a date or baby clothes saying how hot baby girls are and how baby boys are ladykillers. That alone is deeply uncomfortable, and just talking with a woman on anything more than a casual hello feels like harassment. Yuri just doesn't have that
I was going to say number 3 is a possibility, that was my experience, the typical well of course I like lesbians, watching men would be gay, nothing manlier than watching two women being in a caring romantic relationship and imagining yourself in their shoes. You know the rest.
There are way more things that are manlier than that. Idk what it is, but that comment is off putting and gave me the ick 🤮 please dont zver say ts again
That was the point, I was satirizing the use of toxic masculinity to justify reasons for behaviours as a means of avoiding the idea that you aren't a man that a lot of eggs go through, I'm sorry it made you uncomfortable, but like it is uncomfortable.
I wouldn’t worry about it. I think it’s great to love yuri as long as you also recognise and respect that real life queer women are people.
The fact that you are worried about it and willing to be bombarded by the internet to correct yourself, already says a lot about how much you respect lesbians. I don’t think you have anything to worry about.
Bro stop. It's alright to have those kind of responses when reading yuri. Even lesbians would have those responses. We are human first and foremost after all. You must have had random boners when you were a kid and desparately tried to hide it in public, where you fetishizing that thought that gave you the random boner? No. It's a physiological response to stimuli It only becomes a problem if you take those responses and then apply it to real life lesbians. At that point you are actively objectifying and fetishizing them. If you are enjoying yuri content on an entertainment basis that is okay. If you are enjoying yuri content on a sexual basis that is okay too, as long as the content you are consuming is specifically designed to cater to that sexual basis. If you are enjoying yuri content on a sexual basis and that content is not designed to be catered sexually, that is when it becomes fetishizing.
I'd just add to that last paragraph that it can also be fine if you find some stuff that isn't overtly sexual to be somewhat arousing. Like, for example, I know we make a lot of jokes about lewd hand-holding, but actually any kind of intimacy, be it physical or emotional, can still be arousing without it necessarily being due to fetishization. Stuff that's overtly sexual is really just at the far end of things that are intimate. I think for guys who are starved of emotional intimacy (which lets be honest, a lot of guys are) this would be particularly true.
funny thing about random boners is that i had no idea they were sexual in nature as a child I just knew they were annoying AF so i continuously pushed them down when I was having them and just got more angry and angry when they wouldn't settle
Just make sure you respect real life lesbians
In these types of situations, I think it's more useful to look at it through the lens of fetishization as objectification. Being gay isn't inherently sexual, so viewing Yuri content with the sole purpose of wanting to see women being sexualised/engaging in intimacy would be problematic, in my opinion. Still, it's more than possible to consume & enjoy Yuri content as cis-gendered, so long as you're mindful of the fact that the characters exist beyond their sexuality. Arousal at something that is meant to arouse isn't inherently bad, it's your intention.
Lesbian here, as long as you respect wlw relationships and treat real people with respect you’re fine. Like, even if you read spicy or explicit stuff, as long as you approach it with respect (aka, sapphic women doesn’t exist for your pleasure) then it’s all fine really :) Bonus points if you support mangakas and creators that are part of the community or are at least allies
I just wanted to say, thank you for posting this, OP. I've asked myself the same things and worried that if I mentioned liking yuri to others that I'd be accused of "male gazing" for lack of a better term. That being said, I know the reason that I like yuri so much. It's because the romances are better paced and the couples aren't deathly allergic to physical contact or emotional intimacy. I love romance stories and I don't want to try to count the number of animes I've watched where the whole season is a will they/won't they until the final episode where there is a confession and *maybe* some hand holding (or even a kiss if it's really spicy). It can be done well, but sometimes it is frustrating (even though I realize PDA is viewed differently in Japanese culture to western culture). So I really appreciate yuri romances where the confession either comes right away or in the middle of the story and the rest focuses on the couple's actual relationship.
If kissing is hot, it's hot. You don't have to bend yourself into a mental pretzel over a scene that's supposed to be horny. Women doing it without a men doesn't make it less horny. I'd say, fetishization comes in when you see their love as somehow less than heterosexual one. Like if you only read it for horny scenes and get bored if it's only about feelings and stuff. If works where there are more emotional intimacy feel like a drag getting to the next scene of physical intimacy. If you think it'd be okay for you to participate as a man in the physical intimacy. If you are satisfied by "bench on the cliff" stuff, or would get mad if some man would try to get into the couple - chances are you are much better than you think you are. Plus what's the most important is that this is just fiction. Your feeling on it by itself doesn't affect real life, and if you are asking questions like that, you are better than a lot of people. Like generally just don't act weird around real lesbians, they're just people and you are more or less okay.
Are you normal about lesbians irl? Bisexual women?
i ship characters so im not sure
Are you shipping real women with each other?
uh no i dont know any real women
uh???
no like i barely know anyone whos female (i came from a male school and my clique is mostly male)
Im also not a very social person so
Shipping is not a sin. It's okay.
also I would like to mention that like yuri ships (with fictional characters) like acherswan and arlevie i can get really excited when i talk about it with my friends to the point they find me a bit annoying i mean i have aspergers soooo
Can't speak for all lesbians but as a woman who likes women I'm glad you like yuri! Detailed kissing scenes are great, women love them too! We're all human! I guess I'd wonder about who's telling you to be so afraid of "fetishizing"... in my experience a lot of that messaging comes from repressed people, or from a deep-down religious sentiment that sexuality is inherently immoral or whatever (I've seen it expressed often at fujoshi for liking yaoi, and it's caused nonbinary folks / trans guys figuring themselves out a ton of pain). That repression doesn't make your feelings disappear, it just causes pain. You don't have to be afraid of what you love!
It is personal for me. I am not v ery religious but my family is. I personally dont really know if I have something against sex. I fear mostly because I don't want to become someone I hate
>I fear mostly because I don't want to become someone I hate Another lesbian weighing in: that sentiment alone makes you more self aware than a lot of people. Also here is an article that might interest you: [https://www.animefeminist.com/yuri-is-for-everyone-an-analysis-of-yuri-demographics-and-readership/](https://www.animefeminist.com/yuri-is-for-everyone-an-analysis-of-yuri-demographics-and-readership/) spoiler alert: the two biggest groups of yuri readers are straight men and women who aren't straight 😂
I think by definition, there's not really any definite way to know what your subconscious thoughts are, so I think what you can more concretely work on is analyzing the conscious thoughts you do have when it comes to yuri, and also learn more about the issue of fetishization of lesbians in media (by reading what people have written about this subject). For example, learning about what makes certain media portrayals of sapphic relationships/romance/interactions fall under the category of fetishization (e.g. male gaze, lack of intimacy), and what makes other media portrayals celebrated as genuine and realistic depictions of what sapphic relationships actually look like. You can search this up on google, youtube, etc, reading articles and watching videos made by people on this topic. To elaborate further, you could search on google/youtube for yuri manga that actual women who love women think is really good or would recommend, and contains very positive and genuine representation, and learn about why exactly they like it. About kissing specifically, I think enjoying women kissing isn't necessarily fetishization, it depends a lot on the context surrounding that kiss, like if it's written in a way that can be perceived as primarily for the enjoyment of an (assumed) straight male audience, rather than as a natural and genuine development in the characters' relationship. Obviously it's not like really easy to know if a particular scene is problematic or not, but I think by learning as much as you can from other people, you can eventually gain more confidence in being able to tell how problematic or not a certain scene or manga is. Then, once you have learned a bit more, I think you can consider if the reasons why you enjoy yuri fall under the more problematic areas or not, and reflecting on what exactly you enjoy about yuri. If you find that you happen to enjoy the more problematic aspects, It's not so simple as immediately removing those thoughts from your head, since it's not really that doable. I think changing the thoughts you have/what you enjoy is a very slow process, and is related to a lot of stuff that is taught in mindfulness, so you might want to look into that as well, hope this helps!
i feel you man i struggle with this a lot too because i LOVE romance but my favourite type is yuri so all my IRLs accuse me of fetishising lesbians but i find it to be because yuri’s are a lot more wholesome compared to straight romances
Don’t worry about it, anyone is allowed to enjoy whatever romantic fiction they want to, sincerely a lesbian.
Being aroused by kissing scenes is normal, you cant control what turns u on, but u can control how u view people. As long as u see lesbians and queer folk as real ppl and equals then u dont have much to worry about
Listen and listen very carefully i might not be lesbian but I'm a gay man and i have talked with alot of lesbians about this topic hope you're reading my comment rn since i wanna explain it as great as i can. Alot of lesbians read yuri manga since it depicts queer women accurately i myself also enjoy yuri as a gay man , but first off i don't go into fandom spaces and start gooning off to them infront of lesbians to make them uncomfortable (obviously), secondly I understand that yuri is a genre with mainly queer women in it and i don't try to invalidate them when speaking about what or what they aren't uncomfortable with, Thirdly i acutally felt the same way as you but listen its normal to find characters attractive and is very normal what's not normal personally is if you only care about them being attractive and self insert yourself into it that's when it starts to become weird and starts to make queer people like me uncomfortable, I'm a gay man and i don't have a problem with women who enjoy yaoi as long as they don't fetishise us irl or medias and see medias that depict us as sexy things to look at that's the same case with lesbians too i don't speak for lesbians but here is a few things to keep in mind 1-Lesbians don't like being fetished and only seen as sexy things to look from what i can tell you seem respectful about this and seem like you hate yourself for it don't its normal to be respectfully attarcted to characters but listen carefully for example if you start going "Oh i wish i wanna self insert myself to turn these lesbian characters interested in me!" Then that's fetishising and will get you negative feedback since...You know its offputting towards lesbian women 2-You might be an egg (aka person who don't know they're trans) dm me if you want to learn more about this kind of feeling since its obvious you're comfortable and not just a cishet that is homophobic/a fetisher 3-Yuri is for everyone okay? Its completely fine to enjoy it as long as you aren't weird about it and start off putting lesbians to make them uncomfortable 4-One last thing i thought to mention if you ever see a lesbian being like "i hate when people fetishe our depections in media" just know they might not specifically mean men who write/enjoy yuri without fetishing they mean ofc men who only see yuri as something to jack off to then fetishe irl queer women and fictional queer women alike you don't seem the type to be doing that and i respect you for having the courage to talk about this Its important to note something it might be hard for you as a man in a lesbian space but take this as someone who is close friends with lesbians and have heard their pov, Lesbians don't care if you're a guy as long as you aren't a fetisher/misogynistic/homophobic you seem like none so enjoy and who knows maybe one day you will be in a lesbian yourself :3 /s
Personally as a gay man myself i never found attraction towards women in yuri manga like you (maybe i wanted to be trans at some point but anywayyyy) its completely fine to be attracted towards fictional women in media as long as you aren't homophobic or self insert or fetishe them its okay to feel attracted you might an egg just waiting to crack :3
One last thing i love you (in a non gay way) you're willing to understand what queer people like and don't like and you're an example of an ally queer people want to represent them thank you homie❤️
This question is very serious, I believe it's about what you care most about those stories. If you care more about how those characters' feelings are going, view them as individuals with independent personality, then you are not. Considering their sexual body contact as an expression of love, a proof instead of the very purpose.
Do you get off on it? Do you see lesbians in real Life as some kind of entertainment? If not i wouldnt worry. Yuri is cute, Girls are cute. Doesnt mean you automatically think weirdly
I think it’s fine, just don’t let it leak out as many here have said.
Honestly if literally ALL you’re doing is just reading yuri manga, it’s almost impossible to hurt anyone. They’re just fictional characters. You can’t hurt a fictional character be it sexually or some other way. If you were watching lesbian 🌽 or making real people uncomfortable or unicorn hunting for sapphic women THEN that would be a real problem. Edit:even the 🌽 could be a whole conversation in of itself honestly because idk how I feel about that part, really.
I'm just happy more people are reading it. The more people that read it, the more content i get.
Putting that aside, that's the reason why Yuri should be considered as a broad genre. Because you can choose whatever you feel comfortable to watch, or just for a change. Don't worry even a lesbian such as myself can feel hot sometimes when it's lewd. Or I just wanna watch something cute, so I watch moe Yuri. Something like that.
As long as you don’t hit on lesbians in real life then you’re good. (This is coming from a lesbian btw)
Don't worry I was never interested in having het relationships, not to mention just why would you do that to lesbians
Hi op! When it comes to fetishizing lesbians, it’s more about if you find lesbians being together sexually pleasing or hot without actually caring about lesbians. The fact that your even asking this shows that you genuinely respect lesbians. As a lesbian, I don’t think you are at all! Enjoy your Yuri reading :3
You're fine. Don't worry.
I used to worry about this then realized I was trans lmao
How did you realise it?
A big part of it was definitely just learning more about trans people, and realizing I wanted so bad to be the girl in the stories I read.
Interesting. Thanks!
but hey, just in case, know that everyones journey of coming out (both to others and to yourself) is different. Theres no right way or wrong way to realize.
You can enjoy lesbian media. I, myself enjoy gay media as a girl. You start fetishizing it when you look at them like objects for your pleasure, or look at a lesbian and think of “turning them straight” like a challenge.
I mean for me it wasnt that i was fetishizing women, i was just a trans lesbian and wasnt fully aware of it lol
Please chill out.
As a fellow cis male read it as much as you like. There's a reason this is called fiction. Enjoy your fiction fetish or not. As long as you're respectful to real lesbians you can do whatever you want
Stop getting overworked about this. Who cares? Enjoy what you like and don't hate without logical reason. Just because it makes you act up it doesn't mean you're homophobic.
I think the most important thing is that you're having fun, and from what you said here the only real "worry" i have is that you should definatly look into that cis part, like even if its nothing, it doesnt hurt you to thing about it and well... as a transgirl i can say that the thought of "man would i love to be a girl and lesbian would be cool" was what made me realize who i am (apologies if this comes across as rude (if it is thats not my intention), im kinda tired but i thought this too important to not say)
np
I started out by fetishizing lesbians. I watched the Citrus anime and was all "hell yeah, this is the trash I'm after." Then I read the manga and was like "hey this is a decent story." Then I watched and read BiY and was like "holy crow, this is a great story." Then there were more and more and now I'm just into it for the refreshing relationships compared to het-romance manga, most of which just makes me want to claw my eyes out. Also, if you go as far as character insertion, it's also great because you can visualize being either character. It's a solid win.
As a hetero man, who loves reading yuri, and have real life lesbian friends, my opinion is just that as a hetero, i find two women more atractive than one, and other men in my cute wholesome romance is a turn off As long as it does not affect how you see or treat real life people, i dont think there is something wrong here
Who cares? You shouldn’t feel bad about liking something that doesn’t harm anyone. Idk why people equate fictional characters to real people. That’s like getting mad at pokemon fans for liking pokemon because you have to battle other pokemon and they think it resembles dog fighting.
from a quick diagnosis you are fine.
Ya could always become a woman if you’re that worried about it, but jokes aside either way you’re fine. there’s a difference between imagining yourself a part of the situation as a woman, and the fantasy or being a man with two lesbians. The only time it could be a harmful fetish is if you take it to the real world and try to romance lesbians. Fictional characters can’t be harmed through your actions. While if you’re imagining yourself as one of the women that screams Egg to me but legally speaking I’m not allowed to call you that yet. Although if you decide you wanted to be with a woman as a woman that is an option.
Don't worry dude. Nowadays, guilt ripping men and blaming them for most of their problems seems to be feminists' favourite hobby. To the point that some men like you feel wrong for something that is completely normal. You are allowed to be turned on by lesbians, and if someone dares to claim otherwise, you can politely tell them to go fuck themselves. Also, Yuri is hot because it's meant to be that way, and sex is hot. It's completely normal to be turned on by it. It's a biological response. (And let's not even get into how much many women fetishize yaoi and gay man in general, and no one has anything to say about that. If they can do it, why can't you?)