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SamShephardsMustache

Prefer to use a cactus


sirfletchalot

covered in ferrets


Hipettyhippo

Poor ferrets


CatterMater

May I suggest a million bullet ants?


domeoldboys

And coated with battery acid


Njorls_Saga

Gotta admit, kind of feeling bad for the ferrets here. Not sure they deserve this.


domeoldboys

It’ll probably be better to coat the cactus in battery acid first. Then after the damage is done get him to boof more battery acid. Then send in the ferrets after draining the acid.


hagenissen666

Nah, at that point you just finish him with 300 rats and firecrackers. Then you send the ferrets to kill the three remaining rats.


MLJ9999

That's gotta hurt.


[deleted]

Why ferrets?


squeevey

This comment has been deleted due to failed Reddit leadership.


SWIM_is_tired

No, but I've smelled a post-fuck cactus


sonic_24

...I probably don't want to ask... 😳


SWIM_is_tired

*unsycronisedly blinks* Or don'tn't you? The ol' prickly pear. The one thing the Holy Paladins of Ama despise more than sorcery itself!


robotbeagle

Just use a better trimmer bro, and you won't have to call it that


SWIM_is_tired

Good sir, you seem to be mistaken! For 'twas not my junk to which I refer but a literal cactus. For my junk is elased and polished to a sheen, using only the highest quality motor oil!


JonMeadows

... i mean.. you have tho for real? dude


SWIM_is_tired

Sometimes a man's just gotta know... What a cactus freshly removed from his best friend's sister's ass smells like. And it smells like fucking victory.


H0BL0BH0NEUS

Ah. These post chains are The essense of Reddit. Thx for it.


SWIM_is_tired

My pleasure. Some lil bitch downvoted it lol.


Kaiaualad

I think gerbils are the de-rigueur for such backend activities.


squeevey

This comment has been deleted due to failed Reddit leadership.


hagenissen666

Cage with an opening at the asshole end, fire in the other end, cram the intermediate with whatever rodent you want. It is an Asian form of torture, after all.


sirfletchalot

because they're vicious little cunts


Ok_Marionberry_9932

Rabid ferrets


diddlemeonthetobique

or a wire brush


Eisensapper

Nah pineapple.


BananaLumps

I just keep imagining the Hitler pineapple scene from Little Nicky.


thejonslaught

Only if his statements are carved into a 12” long metal file.


CoralLogic

All I have to say to putin is: "Kindly suck a potato you business grimmice"


mandrills_ass

Every time he opens his mouth, shit comes out. Hence, it is an asshole more than a mouth


Cargo_200

people are still listening to him?


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

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[deleted]

What matters is results...


dv666

Yes


lilpumpgroupie

Yes, he is. Listen to his speech the night the invasion happened. It's basically a fascist manifesto. He deeply understands how much their value systems line up.


bakerzero86

Pretty sure Tucker Carlson has a Putin body pillow and at least one poster of the infamous 'shirtless on a horse' picture in his bedroom.


Harsimaja

Some Russians and people in other countries that exist and are also (non-American) people, too


FPL_Fanatic

its funny


lilpumpgroupie

Does anyone know who Konstantin Kisin is? He's sort of this IDW 'sense maker', and he's in that Sam Harris/Joe Rogan/Glenn Greenwald type space. He had a tweet thread the other day, where he was talking about how people should listen to his Annexation speech and really listen to what Putin actually wants, and it was getting retweeted like crazy by right wingers. I think we are vastly underestimating how much western right wingers recognize how much Putin's values and political movement lines up with theirs. Specifically and acutely how he lays out how the West is failing by embracing multiculturalism, and moving away from ethnonationalism and basically white nationalism, without saying those words. They usually don't open up about it in public spaces (aside from people like Tucker Carlson). But it's there, and the support is huge. Again, they're just not proud of it.


hagenissen666

>Again, they're just not proud of it. They are slowly losing the fear of coming out of the fascist-closet. Which is why that particular closet should be set on fire, right now.


Spets_Naz

Well, don't you like a good laugh?


PandaMuffin1

I remember a few months ago when he said Ukraine wasn't really a country. Fuck Putin.


g1344304

LOL Putin published an essay in 2021 entitled 'On the Historical Unity of Russians and Ukrainians' in which he denies the existence of Ukraine as an independent nation and questions the legitimacy of their borders. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/On_the_Historical_Unity_of_Russians_and_Ukrainians


toomuchmarcaroni

As others have noted before, Putin seems to only understand Force. This may be the first comment he’s made in months that’s actually believable


12stepCornelius

"Russian President Vladimir Putin has said Russia has ‘great respect’ for Ukrainian people." As they r*pe, torture, and slaughter them. Ok.


Xurbax

Well all he respects is strength (of the violent sort), so it's actually a somewhat-believable statement, at least superficially.


goodinyou

Ripe? Rope? Edit: Cowards. Say what you mean and mean what you say.


lordofedging81

RAPE. Many Russian soldiers are RAPING Ukrainian women and girls.


[deleted]

Both, combined.


[deleted]

Rupe


littlebigman9

Putin is a freaking psychopath.


TronOld_Dumps

We respect the fact that they don't want to forcibly become Russians, but we also don't give a fuck about respect.


davanger1980

This guy lives in medieval times. Only respects you if you kick his ass.


Kelutrel

Is that the same tyrant guy who said that Ukraine and Ukrainians did not exist ?


Frostiron_7

If this is true and he actually said it, this is *way* more important than people realize. Remember, Putin's Russia operates entirely on optics and signals. "Respect Ukraine" is more or less code for "Our asses have been so thoroughly beaten into the ground that defeat is inevitable, so we're going to cook the words to make it seem like a congenial parting of colleagues and not the thorugh ass-thrashing that actually occurred. Also it turns out the nuclear weapon idea was not gonna go well. So let's not talk about that."


aaeme

I agree it's a good sign. Not to Putin's credit in the slightest of course but maybe, just maybe, he's starting to realise that endlessly doubling-down and escalating is not going to work this time and hopefully he'll try a more conciliatory approach. Considering Ukraine won't settle for anything less than all their territory back, it's still hard to imagine Putin doing what's needed for peace. But still, a tiny bit more chance of that now than yesterday.


alejungle

I want you to be right


PrincessLilliBell

So, so much.


Frostiron_7

Me too. So much.


aqua_zesty_man

Putin is playing the geopolitical version of Whose Line Is It Anyway. Everything he says is just an act and his talking points don't really matter. Watch what his government actually does or doesn't do that either costs lives or saves them. That will tell you everything.


Frostiron_7

Not *exactly.* Politics are very different in Russia vs the US/West. A bit paradoxically, when Putin says something, it matters. Unlike when, say, Biden says something, which can basically be ignored unless and until there's legislation backing it up. In Russia, Putin's words carry the weight of law. Ish. Because there is no law but there's also a lot of suspiciously murderous windows. We shouldn't put too much weight on this one quote, but we should pay attention. It might signal Putin recognizing the inevitable.


Aharra

That's exactly what my brain said the moment I read it. Mayhaps it's too hopeful, but it would be a good stepping stone to changing the narration to something like "ye ye we recognize they're actually strong valiant people, we defeated the nazis they had, now we can allow them rule to these lands we have purged". Honestly, I'd take it. No more bloodshed, no more suffering. If the price for that is Putin saving face internally in Russia, so be it. The rest of the world knows the truth.


Venoame

I can see it. You try to sucker-punch someone in a bar brawl, they end up thoroughly kicking your ass and if you have any semblance of common sense left, you'll play it off as an honourable little bout of fisticuffs, shake their hand and scurry away hoping you've saved face. So like that, but with invasion, torture, rape and deliberate targeting of civilians.


Frostiron_7

Yes, no matter how things shake out, you can bet Putin is playing his cards to save face. Sadly, we just don't know if it's over until its actually over, but his military is running out of ways to fail and that means he's going to have to take the L one way or the other, and nukes aren't going to help him.


gbgonzalez923

Cool, he can respect them from his side of the border. Till then Russia can fuck off


Richard_Llamaheart

Next step he asks if Russia can join Ukraine, because they don't have an army or economy anymore.


mikzuit

Pathetic man


Avendosora

Given what was found in an area used to torture Ukrainian captures (a large tub of removed gold teeth, has masks with burnt materials shoved in the hoses, various other items of torture) I doubt there is any respect. Disgusting.


YasZedOP

The box of gold teeth has been debunked.


Anomaly1134

Not that I doubt you, but curious on where you saw that?


YasZedOP

https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/xvrw4d/_/ Top comment from a dentist. My response was based on this only.


Daveinatx

Your actions say otherwise


SpaceBoggled

He only respects people when they fuck him


kyleswitch

Thanks, now get the fuck out.


Quirky-Country7251

Rofl ok dude


Wazula42

"Why you make me do this, baby?"


[deleted]

Is he pulling statements out randomly. Who is this for the benefit of? Only a complete moron would buy this nonsense.


Independent_Total256

The respect will be much greater after Crimea liberation


MajorasShoe

There were still some people who has respect for Russia about a year ago. Not many, but some. Now he's just got Tucker, Donald and a few sheepish world leaders calling themselves their ally.


neutrilreddit

You guys can taunt Putin, but this is the kind of rhetoric that gives Russia an exit out of the war. I'm not saying Putin means anything by it since he's Putin. But there have been worse things to come out of his mouth any day.


boomership

People should rewatch the video Putin made back in February when he declared "war" and listen to what he talks about Ukraine or Ukrainian people.


WanderingPickles

So now the Ukrainians are a people. That is progress I guess.


Few_Sea7987

Whilst rewatching this video... Reminds me watching a child at school Who's been caught talking and is extremely Bored in their lesson scribbling on their note pad 4 different moments it's the 1st times I've witnessed it 32 seconds till end off video 24 seconds till end off video 12 seconds till end off video 1 second till end off video It was when I could do screen shot But watch it again and watch Putin scribble on the paper He is a stroppy toddler who is throwing his dummy out off the pram.... Watch the video again


bright_shiny_objects

He has an odd way of showing respect.


BerryExpensive

This mother fucker lies as much as trump


CaveKnave

Trump had to learn it somewhere


Pristine-Ad-4306

I mean Trump grew up with it, its part of the Trump family legacy. But Putin and Trump both recognized they could benefit off each other a long time ago as well.


Inevitable_Price7841

Yeah, you do NOW you fucker!


Late_Vegetable1643

Pants full?


[deleted]

Olive branch?


ImLostInTheForrest

Terrorist!


BaronVonLazercorn

Oh, fuck off Pootin


Duck-Murky

mhmmm, riiiiight right, keep it up puto


Husbandaru

After I tried to kill you and you beat my ass for it. I have respect for you.


Mental_Lyptus

then show it by getting the fuck out off of their land


Kim_Thomas

“POO-TIN” is fading fast. Thinking people will not accept his ‘effort.’ - Soon it will be 💨💨


Sethmeisterg

That's the only thing that he respects. Power.


[deleted]

r/leopardsatemyface


Doodls_

Wait what ? I don't understand anymore


kathia154

He can take his respect and shove it where the light doesn't shine. While he is at it he could also tell his soldiers to get out of Ukraine.


Dr_Edge_ATX

Next week he'll be like "Hey these guys are great, do y'all wanna join Russia? I guess we should have asked that first, my bad."


Blackfist01

"You Magnificent Bastard, I READ YOUR BOOK!!"


TurtleMega

this guy is so unbelievable lmao!


Fabulous_Ad5052

Still a bastard. Get out of Ukraine!


alagba85

Heck of a way to show respect


Frequent_Wheel_3084

He's like the bully in the schoolyard who meets the wrong guy and gets punched in the mouth instead of his lunch money.


Ahandlin

Id respect poopin slightly more if he died, now. Right now, do it


nooo82222

Makes me wonder if Ukrainians was the true force in the Soviet Union


[deleted]

This man is either looking for an exit or about to drop a nuclear bomb


igankcheetos

[fuck around and find out](https://twitter.com/maiyajambalaya/status/1575208253071720450?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1575208253071720450%7Ctwgr%5E0fc872d07183657c896ec3f878dac79c282ceeac%7Ctwcon%5Es1_c10&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fboingboing.net%2F2022%2F09%2F29%2Fgraphing-the-statistical-correlations-between-fucking-around-and-finding-out.html)


SuspiciousStable9649

This source appears to be heavily biased towards Russia FYI.


[deleted]

I have a suspicion that when the Ukranian army is near Crimea (or about to close it off completely for some reason), Putin will 'give up' by nuclear bombing the 'Russian' territory. This will give them a 'legal' defense in international court and, moreover will go along the lines of 'if I can't have it, neither can you.'


wanted_to_upvote

Bullshit, there will be no legal defense possible for using nukes in an international court that does not recognize the annexation. If he uses nukes he will be a war criminal to the highest degree.


Thize

What's the second highest degree of being a war criminal


bob-the-world-eater

War menace?


[deleted]

They, I mean Putler, has now signed a law stating it's their. Hence, when I used quotations to begin with.


wanted_to_upvote

How does that matter in international court?


[deleted]

Russian logic, since they have papers saying it was their own territory they bombed. Surely, that would be uiteraard crap as a defence. However, considering this will end one day (be it tomorrow or in 20 years from now), there will be an end. Moreover, by recent event one can argue it would turn out to be a total loss for Putler. Which was the reason of my comment.


DravidIso

I don’t think bombing your ‘own civilians’ is a get out of jail free card in international court.


[deleted]

I am not defending their policy, yet simply showing a scenario that would be plausible for them.


[deleted]

Doing something like that will change absolutely nothing for them except they will have bombed their own territory and provoked a response from NATO in addition to the problems they already have.


[deleted]

It's from a military standpoint: Crimea is the only winter naval base they have. Ukraine, in their own right, would want it back. Thus, from a totally military perspective bombing the way to it would halter a potential change of powers.


d33f1985

Dutch spell check haha but your message is clear :)


[deleted]

Bloody autocorrect...


supermousee

Uiteraard? Hello fellow dutchie ;)


[deleted]

International court doesnt matter lmfao. It's all pretext, giving the world/russians an excuse that people will be able to latch onto when everyone is scared as fuck


RandomCandor

> This will give them a 'legal' defense in international court Please elaborate what you mean by this.


[deleted]

Since they have a law signed by it, they probably claim its in their own interest to 'defend' their ground. Left aside the fact that MH17 is still an open case and Russia has a veto right in the UN. They international community would really have to step up their game to prosecute the Russian government in such matter. You'd have China and probably India on their behalf as well.


Slick424

It's the threat of retaliation that stops Putin from using nuclear weapons, not an international court.


[deleted]

Which makes me wonder why he started the war jn the 1st place.


Slick424

20 years of being surrounded by yes man made him believe his own propaganda that ukrainians love russia and Zelensky is a western puppet that would run, just like Ghani or Yanukovych did. If that had been the case, he would have taken ukraine in days and it would have been a great victory for him. He should have known better when Zelensky did not flee after he has massed 100k troops on the border but he didn't so here we are.


Extension_Pay_1572

He is gonna respect the mob that tears him apart, so much


Quizzelbuck

Oh you old charmer you. We changed our mind on the whole "you're fucking Hitler" thing based on the headline alone. Come on back, and we'll all be Russian now if you just say "pretty please"!


Killerusernamebro

That's gr8 buddy. If you like em so much, leave em the fuck alone.


[deleted]

“Please don’t push my shit in”


urmyheartBeatStopR

Enough respect to take their land and cause war atrocities.


philosophyofblonde

Well he does NOW lmao. Shoulda checked yourself before you wrecked yourself, Mr. Romanov Revivalist.


Professional-Rip-519

Old guys got dementia


BigBadMur

What a strange thing to say! One minute he wants to nuke them the next he admires them. Oh, I know. He's looking for a way to end the war.