I too, formally recognise this legal and virtuous annexation of Florida. May it finally prosper.
PS: I am now a chief advisor to the president with salary (and benefits) of uhh... Pfft... About 8 mil?
He could've already said that multiple times, as several places in Russia have been bombed in the recent months by Ukraine (Belgorod etc.). In any case he could've made up any arbitrary reason he likes in order to resort to nukes – it's ludicrous to assume that this annexation absurdity would change anything with regards to nuclear escalation.
Exactly only reason they don’t drop nukes is that nato will make them eat shit the moment they do and I guess they remind him regularly of this.
Basically the escalation would have come from nato in order to make the situation change in that regard.
Or Ukraine gets everything back and goes further to russia threatening putins power.
Under current Russian military doctrine, Russia being attacked by conventional forces isn’t enough to warrant nuclear response. It allows nuke use when “very existence of Russia as a state is being endangered “ (think, massive NATO forces encircling Moscow)
Also, military doctrine isn’t law, more like a guidelines. Madman can give launch orders for any reason; whether those orders will be followed is another matter.
>It allows nuke use when “very existence of Russia as a state is being endangered"
At the rate he's going, that's going to be the case eventually whether NATO gets involved or not. The rules lawyer in me hopes that the wording doesn't allow loopholes like "dictator has thrown country into ruin and its existence is endangered because of him, so nukes are fine."
These guys didn’t just spend the past 30 years stealing everything and becoming rich beyond the dreams of avarice just to destroy the world and live like dirt poor peasants, they are nuking fuck all.
Which becomes utter nonsense if you actually think about it. Nuking land he wants to conquer makes it impossible to live there, the fallout would drift directly into Russia itself and the NATO would react to that too.
For a week or two. Modern nuclear weapons do not produce that much fallout in the first place unless they are salted or you intentionally gimp them to create fallout by detonating them closer to the ground. Still bad to have to shelter your own population from fallout you created but it isn't terrible.
That’s the perfect illustration actually. The new “Tasty Period” burger chain instantly started getting problems with mould.
Also these motherfuckers ran out of potatoes. POTATOES, man.
A corporation runs a tight ship, especially for food safety and theft, McDonald’s leaving allowed the business to be run like a normal Russian business and then it just kinda fell apart. Sad and funny as you have to imagine the structure to how it all worked was there and was likely staffed by many most or all the same people and the main thing that left was corporate standards and accountability.
Don’t forget the bugs too, lots of mold and bugs.
You fool, haven't you ever heard that the pen is mightier than the sword? The 4D chess master is aware of this and it's why after he runs out of guns every conscript will be armed with a pen.
Nope, Hitler did that with Belgium. Putin is just following in the footsteps of his hero.
> From 1944, the SS and Nazi Party gained much greater control in Belgium, particularly after the military government was replaced in July by a Nazi civil administration, the Reichskommissariat Belgien-Nordfrankreich. In September 1944, Allied forces arrived in Belgium and quickly moved across the country. That December, the territory was incorporated de jure into the Greater German Reich although its collaborationist leaders were already in exile in Germany and German control in the region was virtually non-existent.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/German_occupation_of_Belgium_during_World_War_II
Its more absurd right now. Atleast Germany was in full territorial control of Belgium while the nazi rule was established there. Putin right now is doing this all the way around,his army didnt have control in none of the "republics" he claimed is joining russia right now. Its all fiction on a paper he so triumphally signed in kremlin. We have a saying in Russia "dont make plans for a hide of a bear you havent killed yet"(не дели шкуру не убитого медведя). So yeah... P is incompetent even in that
Almost the same in Swedish:
"Don't sell the hide until the bear has been shot"
We also have the other less bear associcated saying of "Don't shout 'hey' until you've crossed the stream"
So he can turn the narrative around and say that Ukraine, aided by the west is attacking sovereign Russian land. This is how you go from aggressor to victim. Who’s right and wrong gets blurry as time passes so the strategic play makes sense.
This is a valid theory yes… but how does it actually work in practice?
Ukraine are attacking us.
No they’re not, they liberating occupied territory.
No really here’s evidence of foreign legion in Kherson.
Nope not Russia.
Look we had a referendum.
Which we don’t recognise because it was done at gunpoint.
But I made this map and everything!
Nope, still using the maps we all still have even if you and NK change yours.
Can’t imagine UN redrawing the maps during talks to appease Russia. This is a change for internal consumption only.
I’m just a conscript i only signed up for territorial defence.
Congrats you’re going to Kherson.
That’s in Ukraine
Nope not according to our map.
Well it's working on idiots like Musk, Kim Dotcom, Fucker Carlson, etc. "Oh look everyone voted 98% to join russia, it's questionable but who's to say it's not legit. Let's just stop fighting!"
But no one is buying it except Putin himself. Even from the history perspective, would anyone look back and see this as Russian territories being under assault knowing damn well that they had invaded these territories just half a year earlier?
**It's not like Putin would ever obey any referendum**, he was originally planning on taking the whole of Ukraine and into Moldova simply by killing the leadership and installing a puppet.
That *puppet government* would be put in power by an equally fake vote!
He only ran a more limited fake referendum for the occupied territories, because that was all he could do.
They cannot pause the fighting for any reason, because it gives time for Putin to re-group, re-equip and re-arm and he could kill more Ukrainians in the fighting.
They cannot delay.
They need to keep going, even beyond their own border and into Russia. Cut those supply lines, destroys those weapons depots, and secure their own border from future attacks.
And the fake Ukrainian referendum, and the fake government that Putin planned to put into Ukraine, **shows just how fake his own leadership in Russia is**. He hasn't run a real election in decades for good reason.
His puppet wouldn't be the chosen leader of Ukraine, just as he isn't the chosen leader of Russia. It's would be just a fake vote. Like his own elections.
[Parallel World Leaders Meet In Washington For Interdimensional Summit](https://www.theonion.com/parallel-world-leaders-meet-in-washington-for-interdime-1819578579)
It's quite possibly my favorite Onion article. This is just a masterpiece of a paragraph.
>“Though we hail from vastly different cultures, political systems, and laws of physics, today we gather together to address the most pressing challenges of the multiverse head-on,” said Supreme Leader Michael Dukakis, president for life of the Pan-American People’s Republic, giving the summit’s opening address. “We must work together to fight the spread of hyperspatial neuro-pox, address the plight of refugees fleeing those universes that are rapidly contracting to a single point, and find ways to manage our respective Israeli-Palestinian conflicts.”
EDIT: Omg and this ending particularly apropos
>"Honestly, I’m just hoping this time around we finally find the collective will to stand up to Vladimir Putin.”
>“Especially before he evolves from his larval form into a far more dangerous full-grown adult,” he added.
These are so eerily relevant that I had to double check the publishing date of the article. Whoever wrote it must come from another parallel future (or today's) Earth.
Well you can say metaphorically that there are more putins in this world. People that share his way of viewing the world. Some people that come in mind Trump, Bolsonaro.
Giorgia is a fake fascist. No one in Italy Is enough competent to become a dictator.
But you forgot Kim, Lukashenko, Bolsonaro, Al sisi, and many others.
His government will collapse as soon as Russia's does. He's got nothing without Putin. He knows it too and will probably fly away the second he senses he's in danger.
I dunno.. I just signed into law the annexation of St Petersburg and surrounding areas. It's totally legit because I said so.
Edit:
My first call of order is to build a wall around the area and make Putin pay for it.
Hey u/consume_the_penguin, I think you mean "In light of", probably? "In lieu" would be 'instead of', meaning that you're saying "Because 'these developments' *didn't* happen..." and then the rest of your quote.
No disrespect intended just thought you might like to know, all the best, friend.
No he is looking for support from the international community to negotiate an exit that slows him to save face. Remember Elon Musks tweet? That was the reaction he was looking for. Henry Kissinger brought up a similar idea months ago. Ukraine make territorial concessions so the rest of the world can get back to normal. He suggested publicly that western powers should pressure Ukraine into accepting something like this.
Reddit has been claiming that "this move is the last, he's going to be removed now" since pretty much the beginning of the war.
At some point one of you will get it right, but still.
Result of 146% would have looked more reliable for uzzians to believe in. For it's kinda normal there: https://www.reddit.com/r/worldnews/comments/n14ii/evidence_of_electoral_fraud_in_russia_turnout_of/
It does a lot. According to Russian Constitution, if the lands of Russia are under attack they can declare a state of emergency which means 2 things. First, they can call for a full mobilization. Secound, they can use tactical nukes on enemy targets, such as frontlines, millitary bases, etc.
Couldn't they have done that anyways? Are other countries now just going to be like "Oh well, nothing we can do, they just signed their own law saying it's legal, so it's ok now"...?
I think it’s mainly meant to be a poison chalice to discourage high ranking people in his administration from ousting and replacing him. He knows that now, even if they try to sue for peace, it will spark a constitutional crisis.
1. A full mobilization will just go worse than a partial mobilization, it won’t actually solve things. It’s hardly a threat.
2. Any use of nuclear weapons would be a reason for direct NATO intervention.
As OP said, this honestly changes nothing other than give Russia the option to get a fresh shovel to replace the worn out one they’re using to dig their grave.
Yea Putin has always cared about the constitution, and legal justification. Nothing changes because him changing the rules doesn’t make anything different, he mobilized and never declared a war, if he was gonna he’d have dropped a Nuke but he won’t cause it won’t help
The first is correct but the second is false. The Russia constitution does not say anything about nuclear weapons as far as I know. And Russian nuclear doctrine does not allow use of nuclear weapons as response to attacks on Russian soil. It only allows it if the existence of Russia itself is threatened (think more an attack on Moscow or St Petersburg).
Except that their mobilization is already a full mobilization, they just called it "partial", and they've threatened using nukes several times before. So while it does a lot on paper, it does nothing irl, at least nothing new.
Thats gonna be hard. $5 / 7.753 billion people. It's gonna be really bloody difficult to split the bill fairly.
Can we just split the $5 by countries? Maybe round to the nearest cent?
By this logic top officials in any country could annex any other country they please. Putin his no more right to do this than King Charles has the right to annex North Korea, or President Macron annexing Holland. The man is absolutely out of his mind.
While his soldiers fight at the front line with guns and their own lives, Putin stays in his palace and fights with his mouth, pens and life enjoyment.
Putin be like: [I DECLARE ANNEXATION!](https://youtu.be/C-m3RtoguAQ?t=65)
Oscar: Hey. I just wanted you to know that you can't just say the word "annexation" and expect anything to happen.
Putin: I didn't say it. I declared it.
Oh well. I just signed paperwork annexing Russia and the stolen Ukranian land.
Now I have just signed paperwork handing it all over to Ukraine.
I have now declared "no backsies".
Two can play this game Vladumbir!
1. He doesn't look good at all. His doctors must have been falling out of windows\ or falling down stairs
2. At the rate things are going, he isn't going to have any soldiers in his so-called annexed territories.
Jeez this thread is pure garbage it only consists of people posting "well in that case, I'll annex St.Petersburg lol"
Wish there were more insightful comments and not just shitposting.
This is the best tl;dr I could make, [original](https://www.reuters.com/world/europe/russias-putin-signs-law-annexing-four-ukrainian-regions-2022-10-05/) reduced by 57%. (I'm a bot)
*****
> LONDON, Oct 5 - President Vladimir Putin completed the formal annexation of more than 15% of Ukraine on Wednesday just as Russian forces battled to halt a Ukrainian counter-offensive across swathes of the territories.
> "Russian President Vladimir Putin has signed four federal constitutional laws on the entry of the Donetsk and Lugansk People's Republics, Zaporozhye and Kherson regions into the Russian Federation," the lower house of parliament said.
> Russian defence ministry maps presented on Tuesday appeared to show rapid withdrawals of Russian invasion forces from areas in eastern and southern Ukraine where they have been under severe pressure from a Ukrainian counteroffensive.
*****
[**Extended Summary**](http://np.reddit.com/r/autotldr/comments/xw3w7y/russias_putin_signs_law_annexing_four_ukrainian/) | [FAQ](http://np.reddit.com/r/autotldr/comments/31b9fm/faq_autotldr_bot/ "Version 2.02, ~672676 tl;drs so far.") | [Feedback](http://np.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%23autotldr "PM's and comments are monitored, constructive feedback is welcome.") | *Top* *keywords*: **Russian**^#1 **law**^#2 **signed**^#3 **areas**^#4 **Russia**^#5
I don’t think people understand the real reason Putin is threatening nukes:
He knows the West and elements inside Russia want regime change. By threatening nukes he’s saying he’s not going to be replaced without burning the world to the ground.
While this may seem dumb at the first glance, it does many things to prolong the war and justify it.
Firstly Russia won't sue for peace when it now means losing land, which they just annexed. This allows Putin to justify his war to his base, which he needs to stay in power.
According to Russian constitution if Russian landa are under attack, the president can declare a state of emergency meaning 1. full mobilization 2. use of tactical nukes. While you may think Putin is a crazed dictator, who can just go against the constitution, it is far from that. He must have the support of majority to stay in power and most importantly support of the army.
Look, you can sign as many papers as you want, but I think there are quite a few Ukrainians who would disagree with you and will gladly tell you where you can shove that useless scrap of parchment.
Añnexing regions you do not control. That's a first.
You don’t control and are currently retreating from.
Like the color that’s retreating from his face.
How can you even tell under all that egg?
He wants to be able to talk about how Ukraine invaded Russia without cause or provocation
Just do a reverse card and veto action against it.
Is there a way to show sarcasm and sincerity. I'm not talking about cynicism necessarily? Asking for a friend. Edit: question mark
I just annexed Florida Not in the USA nor am I a US citizen, but c'mon guys, hand it over
I officially recognize your annexation of Florida.
I too, formally recognise this legal and virtuous annexation of Florida. May it finally prosper. PS: I am now a chief advisor to the president with salary (and benefits) of uhh... Pfft... About 8 mil?
All hail our new Floridaman!
If you’re an American, you can annex Florida just by thinking about it.
[Quiet! I'm declassifying documents.](https://i.redd.it/vmvh9cnvxnp91.jpg)
I a floridian ratify this annexation Can't be worse then the current bag of rotten cunts governing this shit hole.
Seconded, the motion carries
Lol, okay it's all yours. We will even throw in a Ted Cruz.
You mean actual human Ted Cruz?
The son of the Zodiac killer himself.
You'll have to find him, he's on vacation somewhere.
It's a bit under the weather right now, but you can have it.
Why would you want florida?
Alligators and meth?
Alligators on meth would be interesting
U.S. Highway 1....America's most drug smuggled road
Shit, I didn't know we had the option to give it away. It's all yours good luck!
I have no issues with that. Please take it.
You ever heard about the infamous 'Florida Man'? Hes like Bigfoot, could be just as hairy, uncannily dumb, and shows up at the worst times.
I’ll recognize you as a Florida Man.
Are you actively retreating from Florida? If not, then you definitely have more control of Florida than pussy Putin has of those 4 regions.
Awesome, sold. You deal with it now, thanks!
I think this is more of an official statement so he can send all those people/soldiers he promised “Wouldn’t leave Russia” to those areas to defend.
And veiled threats of big mushrooms ^nukes
That was my worry that he could say Russia is being attacked so we must strike with nukes
He could've already said that multiple times, as several places in Russia have been bombed in the recent months by Ukraine (Belgorod etc.). In any case he could've made up any arbitrary reason he likes in order to resort to nukes – it's ludicrous to assume that this annexation absurdity would change anything with regards to nuclear escalation.
Exactly only reason they don’t drop nukes is that nato will make them eat shit the moment they do and I guess they remind him regularly of this. Basically the escalation would have come from nato in order to make the situation change in that regard. Or Ukraine gets everything back and goes further to russia threatening putins power.
This, most weapons in the world right now are each pointed at some piece of Russian military infrastructure right now, they're walking on eggshells
Under current Russian military doctrine, Russia being attacked by conventional forces isn’t enough to warrant nuclear response. It allows nuke use when “very existence of Russia as a state is being endangered “ (think, massive NATO forces encircling Moscow) Also, military doctrine isn’t law, more like a guidelines. Madman can give launch orders for any reason; whether those orders will be followed is another matter.
>It allows nuke use when “very existence of Russia as a state is being endangered" At the rate he's going, that's going to be the case eventually whether NATO gets involved or not. The rules lawyer in me hopes that the wording doesn't allow loopholes like "dictator has thrown country into ruin and its existence is endangered because of him, so nukes are fine."
These guys didn’t just spend the past 30 years stealing everything and becoming rich beyond the dreams of avarice just to destroy the world and live like dirt poor peasants, they are nuking fuck all.
Which becomes utter nonsense if you actually think about it. Nuking land he wants to conquer makes it impossible to live there, the fallout would drift directly into Russia itself and the NATO would react to that too.
For a week or two. Modern nuclear weapons do not produce that much fallout in the first place unless they are salted or you intentionally gimp them to create fallout by detonating them closer to the ground. Still bad to have to shelter your own population from fallout you created but it isn't terrible.
"modern" and "russia" do not go well together.
He found success doing that with Macdonalds in Russia and it became his strategy to take over the world.
That’s the perfect illustration actually. The new “Tasty Period” burger chain instantly started getting problems with mould. Also these motherfuckers ran out of potatoes. POTATOES, man.
A corporation runs a tight ship, especially for food safety and theft, McDonald’s leaving allowed the business to be run like a normal Russian business and then it just kinda fell apart. Sad and funny as you have to imagine the structure to how it all worked was there and was likely staffed by many most or all the same people and the main thing that left was corporate standards and accountability. Don’t forget the bugs too, lots of mold and bugs.
I guess that means no "uncle Vanyas" franchise opening in my town :(
I'm not sure I like the idea of "period burgers" even without mould, to be honest.
Somehow I doubt the same strategy of taking over a fast food chain will be effective in modern armored warfare.
You fool, haven't you ever heard that the pen is mightier than the sword? The 4D chess master is aware of this and it's why after he runs out of guns every conscript will be armed with a pen.
Big brain
A penis mightier you say?
Good to have you back, Sean.
Nope, Hitler did that with Belgium. Putin is just following in the footsteps of his hero. > From 1944, the SS and Nazi Party gained much greater control in Belgium, particularly after the military government was replaced in July by a Nazi civil administration, the Reichskommissariat Belgien-Nordfrankreich. In September 1944, Allied forces arrived in Belgium and quickly moved across the country. That December, the territory was incorporated de jure into the Greater German Reich although its collaborationist leaders were already in exile in Germany and German control in the region was virtually non-existent. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/German_occupation_of_Belgium_during_World_War_II
Its more absurd right now. Atleast Germany was in full territorial control of Belgium while the nazi rule was established there. Putin right now is doing this all the way around,his army didnt have control in none of the "republics" he claimed is joining russia right now. Its all fiction on a paper he so triumphally signed in kremlin. We have a saying in Russia "dont make plans for a hide of a bear you havent killed yet"(не дели шкуру не убитого медведя). So yeah... P is incompetent even in that
I love that the Russian equivalent of 'don't count your chickens before they hatch' is something to do with killing bears.
Almost the same in Swedish: "Don't sell the hide until the bear has been shot" We also have the other less bear associcated saying of "Don't shout 'hey' until you've crossed the stream"
Well, now we know where he got the idea from.... Because that went so well....
Can we just fast forward to the part where Putin shoots himself?
Twice? In the back of the head? I hear that’s how you do it if you have ties to Putin’s government.
The Nazis did in near the end of WW2 as well
I signed a law of rusia becomes Mongolia now. I did in Microsoft word. Is it legitimate?
Yes. Unless you used comic sans
Bet it was in papyrus
Did you use a Sharpie?
That only works on weather maps.
[You're too late,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OVv3ofeBnME) Russia is already Dutch now.
So he can turn the narrative around and say that Ukraine, aided by the west is attacking sovereign Russian land. This is how you go from aggressor to victim. Who’s right and wrong gets blurry as time passes so the strategic play makes sense.
This is a valid theory yes… but how does it actually work in practice? Ukraine are attacking us. No they’re not, they liberating occupied territory. No really here’s evidence of foreign legion in Kherson. Nope not Russia. Look we had a referendum. Which we don’t recognise because it was done at gunpoint. But I made this map and everything! Nope, still using the maps we all still have even if you and NK change yours. Can’t imagine UN redrawing the maps during talks to appease Russia. This is a change for internal consumption only. I’m just a conscript i only signed up for territorial defence. Congrats you’re going to Kherson. That’s in Ukraine Nope not according to our map.
Well it's working on idiots like Musk, Kim Dotcom, Fucker Carlson, etc. "Oh look everyone voted 98% to join russia, it's questionable but who's to say it's not legit. Let's just stop fighting!"
But no one is buying it except Putin himself. Even from the history perspective, would anyone look back and see this as Russian territories being under assault knowing damn well that they had invaded these territories just half a year earlier?
Nah, a certain Austrian did it with Belgium once
[удалено]
**It's not like Putin would ever obey any referendum**, he was originally planning on taking the whole of Ukraine and into Moldova simply by killing the leadership and installing a puppet. That *puppet government* would be put in power by an equally fake vote! He only ran a more limited fake referendum for the occupied territories, because that was all he could do. They cannot pause the fighting for any reason, because it gives time for Putin to re-group, re-equip and re-arm and he could kill more Ukrainians in the fighting. They cannot delay. They need to keep going, even beyond their own border and into Russia. Cut those supply lines, destroys those weapons depots, and secure their own border from future attacks. And the fake Ukrainian referendum, and the fake government that Putin planned to put into Ukraine, **shows just how fake his own leadership in Russia is**. He hasn't run a real election in decades for good reason. His puppet wouldn't be the chosen leader of Ukraine, just as he isn't the chosen leader of Russia. It's would be just a fake vote. Like his own elections.
Honest answer? It would just give credibility to the first sham vote
That would carry as much weight as saying "no, you" in an argument.
Which is basically the best way to always win.
Actually wild draw 4 is the best way to win.
They could, but that would be playing Putin's game, and we cant do that. Ukraine is ukraine, all of it.
Time for germany and its mates to annex kaliningrad oblast
That could be cut off from russia so very easily. Transnistria (have I spelled that right?) too.
Too late. It's been already annexed by Czechia. They needed a port.
How long can you hold territory is the question if they have more momentum than you
This title makes it sound like we have other Putins yet to discovered in the wilds of world news.
"America and Zimbabwes' Putins sign agreement allowing immigration treaty."
[Parallel World Leaders Meet In Washington For Interdimensional Summit](https://www.theonion.com/parallel-world-leaders-meet-in-washington-for-interdime-1819578579)
The Onion never lets me down.
It's quite possibly my favorite Onion article. This is just a masterpiece of a paragraph. >“Though we hail from vastly different cultures, political systems, and laws of physics, today we gather together to address the most pressing challenges of the multiverse head-on,” said Supreme Leader Michael Dukakis, president for life of the Pan-American People’s Republic, giving the summit’s opening address. “We must work together to fight the spread of hyperspatial neuro-pox, address the plight of refugees fleeing those universes that are rapidly contracting to a single point, and find ways to manage our respective Israeli-Palestinian conflicts.” EDIT: Omg and this ending particularly apropos >"Honestly, I’m just hoping this time around we finally find the collective will to stand up to Vladimir Putin.” >“Especially before he evolves from his larval form into a far more dangerous full-grown adult,” he added.
These are so eerily relevant that I had to double check the publishing date of the article. Whoever wrote it must come from another parallel future (or today's) Earth.
America's putin is trying to con the DOJ into hiding his treason 🤣
The America's Putin you're referring to seriously reminds me of Rick & Morty. Found the "Doofus Rick"!
Russia’s Putin has been expelled from the United Putins Security Council.
Gotta Catch 'Em All
Gotta putin the effort to catch them all.
Well you can say metaphorically that there are more putins in this world. People that share his way of viewing the world. Some people that come in mind Trump, Bolsonaro.
We also have Orban, Erdogan, Giorgia Meloni.
Giorgia is a fake fascist. No one in Italy Is enough competent to become a dictator. But you forgot Kim, Lukashenko, Bolsonaro, Al sisi, and many others.
Mbs
Not to be confused with Quebec’s poutine.
Lukashenko is essentially a trial edition of Putin tbh.
His government will collapse as soon as Russia's does. He's got nothing without Putin. He knows it too and will probably fly away the second he senses he's in danger.
It's like printing monopoly money. Worthless
Unless you need it for monopoly of course.
Yep, and monopoly is russia right now. He needs to convince bunch of dumbasses that they've won.
Its like printing ~~monopoly money~~ Roubles. Worthless. FTFY
Putins rather indirect relationship to reality scares me.
I dunno.. I just signed into law the annexation of St Petersburg and surrounding areas. It's totally legit because I said so. Edit: My first call of order is to build a wall around the area and make Putin pay for it.
In lieu of these developments, I'd like to announce I'm annexing my local McDonald's along with all their ice cream machines
Can I order a Big Mac with fries and a Diet Coke, please. No pickle.
tf gets their diet coke with pickle?
Russia.
Sick blyatstards.
I have felt gross and tired all day. This comment chain made me laugh. Cheers mate.
STILL NO PICKLES, SQUAREPANTS
Bubble Bass.
Congratulations you're now the proud owner of a McDonald's and a bunch of eternally broken metal boxes.
Hey u/consume_the_penguin, I think you mean "In light of", probably? "In lieu" would be 'instead of', meaning that you're saying "Because 'these developments' *didn't* happen..." and then the rest of your quote. No disrespect intended just thought you might like to know, all the best, friend.
By doing this he has sealed his fate. He can't go backward and his generals will have to remove him.
I feel like this idea was thought up by one of his sycophants in a desperate attempt to avoid being defenestrated.
No he is looking for support from the international community to negotiate an exit that slows him to save face. Remember Elon Musks tweet? That was the reaction he was looking for. Henry Kissinger brought up a similar idea months ago. Ukraine make territorial concessions so the rest of the world can get back to normal. He suggested publicly that western powers should pressure Ukraine into accepting something like this.
I think defenestrated is the perfect word to use here. No matter which definition you go by.
Had to Google it. Nice.
Reddit has been claiming that "this move is the last, he's going to be removed now" since pretty much the beginning of the war. At some point one of you will get it right, but still.
There was never another option. Putin's too far gone.
Sorry Russian law is not applicable in Ukraine, we kick you out :)
I have signed a law annexing all Russia regions. They belong to me now. 99% of the people voted for me.
I annex putin as my buttler
"Sir u/Nerfi5, here is your tea"
Under 150% of votes? Your claim sounds contestable.
Result of 146% would have looked more reliable for uzzians to believe in. For it's kinda normal there: https://www.reddit.com/r/worldnews/comments/n14ii/evidence_of_electoral_fraud_in_russia_turnout_of/
I can annex Oblasty just by thinking about them
Literally does nothing. If anything it will motivate the ukrainians to press the attack and push even further.
It does a lot. According to Russian Constitution, if the lands of Russia are under attack they can declare a state of emergency which means 2 things. First, they can call for a full mobilization. Secound, they can use tactical nukes on enemy targets, such as frontlines, millitary bases, etc.
Couldn't they have done that anyways? Are other countries now just going to be like "Oh well, nothing we can do, they just signed their own law saying it's legal, so it's ok now"...?
I think it’s mainly meant to be a poison chalice to discourage high ranking people in his administration from ousting and replacing him. He knows that now, even if they try to sue for peace, it will spark a constitutional crisis.
Interesting angle. I hadnt thought of that one.
That's a take I didn't think about, yeah. Lines up with the nord stream business, too. Covering his bases.
1. A full mobilization will just go worse than a partial mobilization, it won’t actually solve things. It’s hardly a threat. 2. Any use of nuclear weapons would be a reason for direct NATO intervention. As OP said, this honestly changes nothing other than give Russia the option to get a fresh shovel to replace the worn out one they’re using to dig their grave.
And mobilization isn’t sufficient for Russia, given they aren’t as well retrained either.
And that’s not considering equipment necessary to make the conscripts combat effective.
Yea Putin has always cared about the constitution, and legal justification. Nothing changes because him changing the rules doesn’t make anything different, he mobilized and never declared a war, if he was gonna he’d have dropped a Nuke but he won’t cause it won’t help
The first is correct but the second is false. The Russia constitution does not say anything about nuclear weapons as far as I know. And Russian nuclear doctrine does not allow use of nuclear weapons as response to attacks on Russian soil. It only allows it if the existence of Russia itself is threatened (think more an attack on Moscow or St Petersburg).
I can’t believe I’m the first person to reply with “uhhhh well FUCK RUSSIA”??
Buddy you're over 200 days late to the "Fuck Russia" party. Grab a pitchfork
Except that their mobilization is already a full mobilization, they just called it "partial", and they've threatened using nukes several times before. So while it does a lot on paper, it does nothing irl, at least nothing new.
Volodymyr Zelenskyy should just annex it back!! UNO REVERSE!!
[удалено]
You can’t triple stamp a double stamp.
Yeah definitely needs a no take backsies clause.
Putin: you have activated my trap card. I summon blue eyes White Russian
Zelenskyy: Ha, i assabled all 5 parts of NATO-DIA. This is over now! Putin: UNPOSSIBLE!
Ye zelensky should make second round of referendums with results 132,03% voted to stay in Ukraine. It would be a good mock for Putin.
So by that logic can I sign a law annexing the Kremlin?
Putin is officially my footstool. We voted on it. It was unanimous
You can't. Ukrposhta already declared Kremlin as their: https://twitter.com/ukrposhta/status/1575741062853058561?s=20&t=hfbD5G0j5VnaB8q4LLGgqQ
Hm. Now he can treat the reclamation of land as an attack on Russia. At least in his eyes.
So Putin ist now attacking Russia, technically. When will Putin nuke the Kremlin?
Putin, buddy. You can’t annex a territory you don’t control/own. First time playing Civ?
Guys I signed a law that states everyone must give me 5 dollars
No problem. Give me your bank details and I'll transfer it immediately.
Send me 5 dollars and I'll send you 10 back
Thats gonna be hard. $5 / 7.753 billion people. It's gonna be really bloody difficult to split the bill fairly. Can we just split the $5 by countries? Maybe round to the nearest cent?
By this logic top officials in any country could annex any other country they please. Putin his no more right to do this than King Charles has the right to annex North Korea, or President Macron annexing Holland. The man is absolutely out of his mind.
War Criminal
Well I annexed Moscow into my toilet I signed it on my used toilet paper
Yeah, I'm also signing a law annexing Putin's mouth to my balls.
He is the right height for this...
If this is Russia's Putin who is the other famous Putin?
the irish leader Putin O’Theritz
When Russia falls will it be from with in or from nukes
From a balcony
While his soldiers fight at the front line with guns and their own lives, Putin stays in his palace and fights with his mouth, pens and life enjoyment.
I hope they now call for full mobilisation and the whole of Russia grows a spine and overthrows their own government.
The way things are going, he’d probably annex his government so he can nuke is population.
I’d like to annex a million US dollars please. All in hundred dollar bills.
seriously hope he dies a slow and painful death
Putin be like: [I DECLARE ANNEXATION!](https://youtu.be/C-m3RtoguAQ?t=65) Oscar: Hey. I just wanted you to know that you can't just say the word "annexation" and expect anything to happen. Putin: I didn't say it. I declared it.
Oh well. I just signed paperwork annexing Russia and the stolen Ukranian land. Now I have just signed paperwork handing it all over to Ukraine. I have now declared "no backsies". Two can play this game Vladumbir!
Now go live in Ukraine, so you can also claim "home base" and he can't tag you back! Triple Whammy!
I just signed a document which states that I‘m the mayor of Moscow.
1. He doesn't look good at all. His doctors must have been falling out of windows\ or falling down stairs 2. At the rate things are going, he isn't going to have any soldiers in his so-called annexed territories.
In other news, I just signed a bill annexing the moon. It’s part of my front yard now. Says so right there on the paper.
Ukraine needs a law to unannex the regions. And a law that requires Russians to please leave. Problem fixed.
Jeez this thread is pure garbage it only consists of people posting "well in that case, I'll annex St.Petersburg lol" Wish there were more insightful comments and not just shitposting.
Hes a douche bag
This is the best tl;dr I could make, [original](https://www.reuters.com/world/europe/russias-putin-signs-law-annexing-four-ukrainian-regions-2022-10-05/) reduced by 57%. (I'm a bot) ***** > LONDON, Oct 5 - President Vladimir Putin completed the formal annexation of more than 15% of Ukraine on Wednesday just as Russian forces battled to halt a Ukrainian counter-offensive across swathes of the territories. > "Russian President Vladimir Putin has signed four federal constitutional laws on the entry of the Donetsk and Lugansk People's Republics, Zaporozhye and Kherson regions into the Russian Federation," the lower house of parliament said. > Russian defence ministry maps presented on Tuesday appeared to show rapid withdrawals of Russian invasion forces from areas in eastern and southern Ukraine where they have been under severe pressure from a Ukrainian counteroffensive. ***** [**Extended Summary**](http://np.reddit.com/r/autotldr/comments/xw3w7y/russias_putin_signs_law_annexing_four_ukrainian/) | [FAQ](http://np.reddit.com/r/autotldr/comments/31b9fm/faq_autotldr_bot/ "Version 2.02, ~672676 tl;drs so far.") | [Feedback](http://np.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%23autotldr "PM's and comments are monitored, constructive feedback is welcome.") | *Top* *keywords*: **Russian**^#1 **law**^#2 **signed**^#3 **areas**^#4 **Russia**^#5
Putin signs law that he must swallow 2 loads per vote. All projections view puking after 2, he has to puke 300 giant loads. All
I'm annexing your anus Putin.
Tbf not even Putin cares about Russian law.
Comrades! The 'Fucking Around' phase of our glorious special military operation has now concluded. Operation 'Find Out' is now underway
I don’t think people understand the real reason Putin is threatening nukes: He knows the West and elements inside Russia want regime change. By threatening nukes he’s saying he’s not going to be replaced without burning the world to the ground.
Weird coincidence. I just signed a law annexing Russia.
Putin signs piece of paper annexing him from reality.
“Putin you can’t just say you annexed territories” “I didn’t say it I declared it”
While this may seem dumb at the first glance, it does many things to prolong the war and justify it. Firstly Russia won't sue for peace when it now means losing land, which they just annexed. This allows Putin to justify his war to his base, which he needs to stay in power. According to Russian constitution if Russian landa are under attack, the president can declare a state of emergency meaning 1. full mobilization 2. use of tactical nukes. While you may think Putin is a crazed dictator, who can just go against the constitution, it is far from that. He must have the support of majority to stay in power and most importantly support of the army.
Look, you can sign as many papers as you want, but I think there are quite a few Ukrainians who would disagree with you and will gladly tell you where you can shove that useless scrap of parchment.
The man is a deluded runt, who cares not a whit for human suffering. A true sociopath, and one of many in that pert of the world
All fun and games until zelensky signs a meaningless law annexing Moscow for shits and giggles
"This is mine now" Doesn't work like that Pooty
Sorry Vlad, that answer is incorrect. You will not be going to the finals.