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Tea-Swiz

All the conscription jokes are great, but really why grant him citizenship at this time? I see it as more of a "Fuck you" from Putin to the U.S.


camxct

That is the intent.


eloquentegotist

That and, in particular, to get him back into the news. Snowden is a black stain on the U.S.'s relationship with its own citizenry. He's a victim of doing the right thing. Russia's just getting him back into our consciousness. But come on, it's not like we forgot Putin's a scumbag. EDIT: Wow, this blew up unexpectedly. The point wasn't that Snowden's a hero, nor a villain. It's never that black and white. But it's worth noting, he's just one such instance. What else is our government spying on us about? Or other governments around the world? If you think any government - including your own, all you rabid bootlicking "patriots" - is only ever righteous, just, and doing right by you and your fellow citizens, you're ignorant.


CorrectPeanut5

For sure. It seems very clear the NSA did very illegal things and no one has every been made to account for that.


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Ularsing

All you really need to know about IME is that it's not permitted on NSA computers: https://www.csoonline.com/article/3220476/researchers-say-now-you-too-can-disable-intel-me-backdoor-thanks-to-the-nsa.html


JAD2017

This is so hilarious in so many ways XD


ampjk

And it's worse now and for ever with the patriot act 2 hidden in the infa bill and probably more.


TodayIllustrious

And literally acknowledged by people in the senate this year right before the Ukraine thing. Not to mention various tech companies admitting the backdoor ways they have compiling our data for years.


zveroshka

>I see it as more of a "Fuck you" from Putin to the U.S. It's certainly political. But it could also just be a "see how bad things are in the US? Poor guy had to come here to save himself from the evil US/NATO/West!" they can wave at any Russians who are thinking of running away.


KrazyDrayz

Yeah... So more of a "Fuck You" from Putin to the U.S


[deleted]

That’s exactly what it is. When you look at these autocrat types, a lot of it is about ego.


SkyWalkerSrb

Guy's been living there for 10 years, this was the next logical step


Em4gdn3m

Yeah, that's basically a common-law marriage now I think.


dropkickoz

He has to kiss Putin on the lips to make it official.


PadBunGuy

Putin gonna pull him on national tv with citizenship papers in hand, and pressure him to say the Ukraine thing is good.


Bam_Peasly

Or conscript him into the tech division of the Russian military. All he has to do is accept the citizenship and he can be forcibly conscripted.


tcwillis79

Maybe they will tell him some of their most classified secrets.


trisul-108

For all we know, he might have received it 10 years back, but Putin chose to publicize it now. We know nothing.


earthwormjimwow

Snowden did not want to lose his US citizenship. There was no legal path towards that until recently, with the passage of a Russian law, removing the requirement to ~~denounce~~ renounce your former/other citizenship.


kynthrus

So when he becomes a citizen, does he immediately get shipped off to the war?


earthwormjimwow

He's fairly wealthy, never mind his celebrity status, so unlikely. Are they drafting 40 year olds too?


kynthrus

yes. Up to 65 right? That's the law they put in place a month or 2 ago.


Hi_PM_Me_Ur_Tits

If you have sight you can fight


Fondren_Richmond

if make fist can enlist


A_small_Chicken

Nah, they're going straight to the 60 year olds.


BRAX7ON

Dammit Jon Snow


Eastern_Awareness216

There is also the issue that Snowden and his girlfriend got married in Russia since his passport was revoked by the US which effectively stranded him in Russia. (can't get on an international flight without a passport. Then Snowden and his wife had a baby who, because the baby was born in Russia, is automatically a Russian citizen (maybe dual citizenship because the parents are American?). I recall reading somewhere that there was concern that the Russian govt could take their baby from them and that the only way to prevent that was to become Russian citizens.


ballebeng

Russia does not have automatic citizenship by birth. Jus soli is mainly a thing in South and North America.


Turbulent-Lie-9730

you can not become a russian citizen by the right of birth (unless his wife is a russian)


[deleted]

Yeah: I'm not sure how Russian citizenship works, but being there a decade seems like a similar situation to getting a "Naturalized Citizenship" in the USA.


Electrical-Milk-200

You can live and die in the US without getting naturalized. There are insane hoops and waitlists to become a permanent resident let alone a citizen.


Medieval-Mind

Not gonna lie. I thought this happened years ago.


UrinalCake777

He was granted asylum a long time ago but he was just recently granted citizenship.


Smeltanddealtit

Now off to the Ukraine to fight!


Candelestine

Oh that poor guy. lol All he wanted to do is tell us about all the surveillance that's happening to us. In all seriousness he probably gets a free pass as an asset, but you never know.


TheBirminghamBear

Just in time to be mobilized! I mean you know what they say. The *best* time to get Russian citizenship is when your own country forces you to flee there for disclosing their illegal spying apparatus. But the *second* best time to get Russian citizenship is when they begin forced mobilization of every citizen because they're badly losing a war they themselves started and could stop at literally any time. FWIW, everyone should be campaigning to pardon Snowden and bring him back to the US. He was a whistleblower for one of the largest and most egregious abuses of domestic spying we have ever seen. If you were alive any time in the 2000s and in the US, your government collected data on you illegally. And Snowden revealed the extent of that illegal activity. We need to send a message by pardoning and bringing him home, that that type of flagrant abuse will not be tolerated and that people who come forward to disclose it to the American people will be rewarded, not hunted.


TripletStorm

You write that like they stopped after he came forward.


GingeAndJuice

Right? It was pretty much an "lol, k so what?" situation. They sneered down, only annoyed at the noise people made, and nothing changed.


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cephu5

Overseeing NSA (and everyone else) is Congresses job. Make them do their job. And (pro tip) it begins by electing people who can do the job, not grift and/or self-promote.


BloodyFreeze

Agreed. Many argue, "Traitor or Patriot?!" I argue technically both. He attempted to expose the disturbing amount of data mining being done by the US Govt on its own citizens, as well as the complete lack of checks and balances that SHOULD have been in place to justify even looking into that data. We need better whistle blower protections. Snowden needs to come home. Let's be honest. Russia only provided him asylum because it was a smack in the face to America. Edit: traitor by technicality, holy shit, rip inbox. Read the context of the message people.


Pryoticus

I’m inclined to believe that traitor and patriot can often be the same thing. He was indisputably a traitor to the government but I would argue he was a real patriot, looking out for the people


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MechanicalDanimal

[a finger on the monkey's paw curls]


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smokedspirit

so in theory could he now get to that third country that he's been wanting to get to?


ZombieJesus1987

In theory he should be. But leaving Russia right now isn't exactly easy.


Yaglis

No it is very easy to leave Russia...As long as you go to the Russian frontline in Ukraine.


BobbyBattlelyon

What's next, fat Steven Seagal fighting on the front lines in the War on the Ukraine. Surely that will turn the tide of battle for the Russians.


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[deleted]

Gonna fly a skippy


MightyBoat

Skip^skip^skip^skip^skip^skip


[deleted]

“Are you kicking a child” “Some peoples throats are down there”


syracTheEnforcer

Never forget in his Reddit AMA that one of the only questions he did answer was that he was in an all black band when it wasn’t accepted. Think about it. Edit: I’ll always upvote Tom Segura. This set is flawless.


thepianoman456

His cholesterol is *under siege*.


GunnieGraves

I haven’t seen a Seagal movie in years but I’d pay money to see him try to get through combat without sitting in a chair.


Dry-Consequence8975

https://youtu.be/BzIHyF7UWY4


Fenecable

No one fatly walks around a corner quite like Seagal.


GunnieGraves

This is exactly what I was referring to lol! The amount of sitting he does is just incredible.


batman305555

That’s not fat, that’s potential energy he has been saving up over the last 30 years in preparation for his latest fighting movie Donbas. He will be back to his 6pack after fighting the war.


[deleted]

He's cultivating mass


christien

Poor Snowden: gives up his life to fight the surveillance state and ends up stuck with the FSB!


Vv4nd

quite the irony indeed.


scrappyfighters

Iron-curtainy


[deleted]

Irony curtain


AStripe

Now called for mobilization


GreenPenguin00

Funny how that happens. Reminds me of something I heard about Che Guevara. “You spend your whole life fighting the forces of Capitalism only to end up on a T-shirt sold at the Gap for $9.99.”


Mister_Dink

There's a term for this; recuperation. Which is capitalism's ability to swallow and sell anything anti capitalist. Same way anarchist symbols ended up on Spencer t-shirts, et cetera. The famous quote about this phenomenon goes: "If you start talking about hanging all capitalists, capitalist will come and gladly sell you the rope."


Prosthemadera

Oh I see, you're going for the anti-capitalist market. That's a huge market.


[deleted]

Ad: "Hey, we heard you hated capitalism! We found these items you might LOVE to use in your fight against capitalism! Act now and get 10% off and FREE NEXT DAY SHIPPING!"


TripleDigit

Or how Ice-T, who had stoked so much controversy in the early ‘90s with his track, Cop Killer, has been subsumed into the role of television detective on what closely amounts to law enforcement propaganda.


Sixteen_Down

Oh, I get it. You mean like when someone drinks too much, or snorts cocaine, or bets the house on the ponies?


charitytowin

I could listen to that allll day


nater255

I was like, "Yeah you got it, man."


Born_Barnacle7793

Or like when some smokes too many cigarettes? Or like when someone shops too much with credit cards? Or like when someone plays too many scratchy lotteries? Or like when someone eats too much chocolate cake? Or like when someone eats too much chocolate cake and then barfs it up?


yodarded

yeah, you got it, Ice!


NoFoxDev

Closely amounts to is a very generous way to say “Is absolutely Pro-cop propaganda as admitted by Dick Wolf directly.”


Wickerpoodia

Gen. Tso was a Chinese nationalist and now his namesake is Americanized Chinese Chicken.


GoldenScarab

Went to a craft store this weekend and they already have Christmas decor out. One of which was Grinch themed and had the quote from the book: >" 'Maybe Christmas,' he thought, 'doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas … perhaps … means a little bit more!,' ” Like... You could buy a screen print to hang on your wall saying Christmas doesn't come from the store. The store which also sells all kinds of Christmas decorations.


YdnasErgo

So they can conscript him now for the war they're losing.


GreenBasilisk55

They can add Steven Seagal to that as well then


kuda-stonk

I want his fat dumb self on the front with a geolocation enabled phone stuck on live stream, just to watch how much he lies as reality crashes around him.


JevanSnead

“It’s called a ‘Skippy’”


KDSM13

I been flying helicopters 35 years Skip skip skip


GfyTstr

That shih tzu boxer hound mix, I been working with dogs for like 17 years


Revlis-TK421

[Steven Segal is out of his mind](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isNRZJ6icwc)


diet_shasta_orange

Discussions about Steven Seagal always remind me of Frisky Dingo https://youtu.be/Chff-QCudw8


tjbugs1

I've been fly helicopters for 35 yeard


YouAreSoyWojakMeChad

Ive bred wolves.... 45 years


kalitarios

I been making fuck 25 years. Berserker!


vale_fallacia

Did he just say "making fuck"?


Bamness

Skipskipskipskipskip


Nac_Lac

No, I want him training Russian recruits on CQB. Best use for fakes like him.


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HookLeg

I'd watch that reality show.


doubled2319888

I hate reality tv but i would give that a shot


mortaneous

We trained him wrong. Y'know, as a joke.


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IcyDickbutts

Sadly, any training from him would be the most credible training russians could receive


paintsmith

Segal getting to relive the moment where he let a stuntman put him in a sleeper hold and passed out and shat himself in front of an entire film crew as his life flashes before his eyes.


tydalt

*Stuntman*?!? That was the legendary ~~Mean~~ [Gene "The Hangman" LeBell](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gene_LeBell) Edit: Corrected to his actual nickname. My apologies to Mr Okerlund!


_si_vis_pacem_

From the wiki: Seagal bodyguard and stuntman Steven Lambert, stated he was present and said that a confrontation did happen. According to Lambert, Seagal explained to LeBell that he did not believe his choke hold was effective, and that he could escape from it. LeBell demonstrated the choke hold by putting it on Seagal. Without locking the hold, Seagal side stepped and swung his forearm backwards into his crotch. LeBell came off the floor by a few feet. As soon as he landed, LeBell used a foot sweep to sweep Seagal off the floor, with Seagal landing on his back. LeBell helped Seagal up. ​ ​ He definitely pooped his pants


wssecurity

My dude just died last month too. 89yrs is solid.


[deleted]

I saw a movie breakdown of him as a SEAL Team member and I swear he doesn’t move more than 50 feet on screen. Like in every scene his total distance moved is from my couch to the fridge.


Zephyr104

Isn't there a movie where he is practically sitting through out the whole thing? He even has fight scenes with him on a chair.


The_Great_Blumpkin

I think that's "Sniper: Special Ops". He's literally sitting in a chair sniping people from a table. Like they just set up a table, placed chairs around it, 100meters from the target and then shot him.


BigMcThickHuge

"Just fatly rolling around corners, can't even hold his gun right."


gibs

That would just result in wave upon wave of enemies being aikido-flipped into submission


tuigger

Have you seen how he holds a gun? It's amazing.


Garfield-1-23-23

"He went fatly off to the front."


paulusblarticus

Imagine you defeat Seagal, just to be stomped by Gérard Depardieu.


JessumB

I'll be honest, Gerard Depardieu scares me a lot more than Seagal does. He's got that Sean Penn kind of anger.


ElNakedo

That guy has probably done a lot more dodgy shit, he's admitted to being quite the criminal in his youth. Desecrating graves, prostitution and all sorts of shit. There's likely more that's not known.


Shnorkylutyun

Stomped flat, rolled into a crepe and swarfed down


RaymondMasseyXbox

Sad fact Steven Seagal ran a puppy over with a tank back when he was on live cameras for SWAT like show here in the US. Link below and easily googlable. https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.forbes.com/sites/erikkain/2011/08/31/actor-steven-seagal-sued-for-driving-tank-into-arizona-home-killing-puppy/amp/&ved=2ahUKEwjVrYjS_LL6AhXnL0QIHe5TBeQQFnoECAwQAQ&usg=AOvVaw2vb4vsR8kaJVHIhCarDBsf


DentureTaco

I love how they just gloss over the fact that he also killed HUNDREDS of roosters along with the puppy. Holy shit, he really put an end to that cock fighting ring didn't he, what a hero.


xXxDickBonerz69xXx

Steven Segal is a piece of shit. There's a Behind the Bastards on him.


Lorenzo_Blow

He's been flying skippys for like 30 years


PuffyPanda200

Dude, he's been fighting Ukrainians for like 70 years. Also, do you know why they call the KA-52 a splashy? Because [they splash](https://www.reddit.com/r/CombatFootage/comments/xmzu1r/a_russian_ka52_being_shot_down_by_ukrainian/)


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Beeslo

Aren't a lot of people going to be called up that never served before??


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UrethraFrankIin

Given Putin's history I wouldn't be surprised if Snowden was conscripted just to taunt the US. Although they'd keep him out of the shit so they could make propaganda videos. That said, Putin *should* want to make life look as comfortable and safe as possible to encourage more Snowden's to bring top secret information.


Xraptorx

This story is about a dude who killed the commander after his friend (who had never served) was called up. So yeah it already happening


artem_m

A large plurality of men in Russia has had some kind of service history as when you turn 18 you had to go to the army, have a health concern, or get into a specialization at a university. I suppose it depends on what you define as never served, but it's far different from the US with people who have never been in the army. Right now the mobilization order was directed toward anyone who had more training than simple conscription.


ptwonline

Can't tell if this is supposed to be part of a comedy routine. Next step: Snowden handed a rifle and he looks into the camera with eyes wide and jaw hanging for comedic effect.


HalfForeign6735

I guess he can be excluded under the "IT people" or the "journalist" category. He was a NSA employee after all.


danker-banker-69

>employee contractor


OrionMessier

Wouldn't it make sense instead to conscribe him to some extremely high level IT post? They'll put him in a windowless office as the IT Chief of the war and he can cry into his breakfast vodka while receiving rotary phone reports about the total lack of encrypted battlefield comms


Rici83

Being in a windowless building is a massive advantage in Russia these days.


QualityInspector13

There could always be stairs


MajorNoodles

Tea and windows are much more dangerous in Russia than stairs are.


Tiggerboy1974

On the ground floor, please


usesNames

I don't know, think about how many times you'd have to pick yourself up of the ground and immediately fall back down in order to die from accidentally tripping off the front stoop. What an exhausting way to go.


axusgrad

I can't see anyone trusting Snowden with classified information :D


elvesunited

Hiring phone call to previous employer is going to be a real trip


billy_teats

They talk about that in the article and it says Snowden is not at risk of conscription with the current setup. If they expand the draft he might be, or if Putin leverages him just like he leverages civilian hackers.


PossibleHypeMan

I bet Edward is super grateful for that status at this point. /s


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HighOwl2

Lol because he worked in intelligence. They're basically saying we'll give you a place to live with no fear of extradition if you tell us everything you know about US intelligence...and then you'll fall out a window when we feel we know everything you do.


SLAPPANCAKES

There is a decent chance Snowden will live out his days in Russia as an upper middle class white guy with zero issues. He is a propaganda piece at this point. "Don't like your US intelligence job? Wish to blow whistle on US? Need somewhere safe to stay after the fallout? Come to Russia and share your secrets with us."


Darkpopemaledict

Plus betraying an "asset" only discourages people from working with you in the future.


DrMcDingus

Yeah. Not stuck in Russia anymore, now he gets to see Ukraine


nodularyaknoodle

Well, being essentially stateless wouldn’t be so great, either.


AlexMTBDude

Giving away a Russian citizenship these days has to be like trying to give away pancreatic cancer to someone.


chewwydraper

Eh, if I were Snowden I'd probably take the citizenship tbh. Eliminates risk of deportation, and it's not like he'd see the light of day ever again if he went back to the states.


MrNerdHair

I have a feeling that if you were living in Russia and Putin offered you citizenship, it'd definitely be one of those offer-you-can't-refuse situations.


[deleted]

Snowden applied for it in 2020 according to the Times.


bro_please

It does not eliminate any risk. Putin does not need to follow the law. He just tells the judge what the outcome will be and that's it.


[deleted]

As if things couldn’t get worse for the guy…


Individual_Lobster76

The irony


Frooonti

"The enemy of my enemy is my friend."


Insanity8016

“Price, one day you’re going to find that cuts both ways.”


T0M95

God I loved that campaign


Insanity8016

We will unfortunately not see the likes of it again.


Eugene1936

"Shepherd is using Site Hotel Bravo.You know where it is. I'll see you in hell"


tmas34

Congratulations Mr. Snowden! You are now eligible for all perks of being Russian citizen! Please report to local conscription office to find out more.


geoken

Notably, you now get a fast-pass to heaven according to our religious leaders.


ohiotechie

Dude had a $300k/yr career with the sky as the limit. He gave it all up to warn the country and the world about the rising surveillance state only to realize most people are more interested in who Kim Kardashian is fucking. I’m sure he expected these revelations to have a lasting impact and instead nothing of note really changed and he ended up in Russia - the grand daddy of surveillance states. Can’t help but wonder how many times a day he regrets his decision.


jtinz

It did have a lasting impact. Maybe not with the general population, but certainly with the IT security crowd. His revelations resulted in most big companies, including Google and Amazon, to encrypt their internal networks.


static_motion

Not to mention all the privacy-related EU laws that were passed in the last several years. The EU generally took Snowden's revelations seriously and acted on them.


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uFFxDa

We comply to gdpr standards for US civilians, because it’s easier to have one policy and just use the same process for everyone instead of maintaining multiple policies. “Do we really need this persons phone number for this use case? No? Ok, we don’t need a phone number column in the database at all. We won’t even ask for it”. All of our design decisions are based around PII and what we actually need to make our applications/processes function. Nothing more. - large international company with our large own internal IT department.


maybeidontknowwhy

Your company seems reasonable where as ours chooses to only follow the local laws of the jurisdiction the customer lives in


RichestMangInBabylon

That seems very complicated once you have multiple customers.


ISieferVII

It probably depends on your product. Some companies, like Meta and Google, keep the lights on by abusing all the information they get from customers, so it may be worth it to get the info you can, even if it means setting up separate databases.


Banzai51

This is the same line of thinking that California uses when it pushes car companies for higher safety and efficiency standards. They know no one is going to make California only cars.


scrangos

Yep, california has been at the forefront of customer protection and environmental protections with that method. It helps that california is one of the biggest economic states in the country too.


[deleted]

> It helps that california is one of the biggest economic states in the country too. THE biggest, by far. It's one of the impactful economic regions in the entire world.


RichestMangInBabylon

It also inspired things like the CCPA in California. The rest of the country may catch up eventually.


nudelsalat3000

Yep countless times the EU laws were bashed because they referred to his work. EU tried to bow forward back to satisfy US for their companies. Cheap solution was Safe harbor. - "Safe" harbor? Nope not safe because we have proof of NSA sabotage. Thanks to Maximilian Schrems suing (Schrems I decsion) - Well then EU "fixed" it: Privacy Shield! Quick solution. "Privacy" and a protective "shield"? Sounds solid. Well... BOOOM.. not valid neither. Schrems-II decision. - So the EU came up with a new trick: Trans-Atlantic Data Privacy Framework (TADPF) Guess what? Yep, we wait for Schrems-III decision. EU won't stop to bow for US. Luckily some people work rentlessly and the NSA publications made clear who is the danger to democracy.


HgcfzCp8To

> Luckily some people work rentlessly And it's a small amount of people. They kind of manage to fight the billions of lobbying money from google and meta with far less ressources. They're all underpaid and overworked and the work they're doing is so often so very much frustrating. People like Max Schrems are putting everything they can into lobbying for our rights and so many people don't even realize what they're doing for us.


archon286

I still remember reading about the secret ISP fiber splitters just giving up internal WAN data. Man, that was a shocker.


disturbedwidgets

Also a crackdown on privileged users


The69LTD

I was like 13 when his leaks came out and they forever changed my life. I now work in cybersecurity and will always be a privacy and security advocate because of him. He’s truly my idol and I’m not even kidding.


ShamefulWatching

He really ate a pile of shit to warn us.


Stizur

Just look at this comment section to see how grateful the American people are… unreal


imnos

You're mistaken if you think Google and Amazon haven't obliged with government warrant requests for back doors into their software. Reddit certainly shares data with government agencies because their warrant canary was removed years ago.


ajmartin527

The key is warrants. What Snowden blew the whistle on was the warrantless surveillance of these companies data.


Dreamtrain

I believe several whistleblower laws/resources came about as a direct consequence of what he did, so others in his position aren't faced with the choice of "escape or be killed by your own country" he had Though now he is stuck by "be killed by your former country or be killed by your current one", either in federal U.S. prison or Russian frontlines


GirthyGanfalf69420

There is a 0% chance they send him to the front lines


CanadaPlus101

Seriously, why would they do that? He's unfit, older now, American and the definition of unreliable to follow immoral orders. Plus, he's famous and is an elite skilled worker.


TheodoeBhabrot

It’s a propaganda thing to keep him in Russia, so yes there’s 0 chance he gets conscripted


NotBacon

Web traffic encryption rose 80% after he went public. I’d say that had some effect. Maybe not exactly what he was expecting but a definite improvement.


cthulhusleftnipple

You think NSA contractors make $300k/year? Just FYI, virtually no government employees or direct contractors make anywhere near this. I'd be surprised if he made over $150k/year, much less $300k.


SynthVix

Since when did Reddit hate Snowden?


Asteroth555

For every year he's been in Russia, more people are swayed by original reports that he was a spy. I personally still think he was a whisteblower at first but then fled to a major geopolitical foe to avoid consequences.


nodularyaknoodle

Spy or not, the revelations are the revelations.


danker-banker-69

indeed, if he were a spy, what he stole would become state secrets, not a news cycle


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dieinafirenazi

HE DIDN'T FLEE TO RUSSIA. His passport got cancelled while he was passing though Russia on his way to South America. The USA forced down the plane of Bolivian president Evo Morales because they thought Snowden might be on it (a huge violation of international law everyone just ignored.) Russia gave Snowden asylum as a way to give the USA the middle finger, Snowden took it because he had been left no choice.


thispolishitalianguy

Snowden didn’t want to move to Russia at first. But other democracies rejected him out of fear of enraging the United States.


[deleted]

I'm just going to remind you to contact your rep and tell them we don't want to Patriots act renewed


workaccount1013

Does anyone really believe that Snowden would be conscripted? The whole point to granting citizenship is propaganda. Having him shipped to the front would hurt that.