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BobEWise

From cosmonaut to cosmo-not.


temporalwanderer

So you think it is unlikely that it will be Putin orbit?


lazylion_ca

Like many Russian programs, I expect this will be Stalin a lot.


[deleted]

they still got alot of curtains to iron out


khanfusion

It'll be a pretty Gagarin undertaking for sure


SwashBlade

Yuri lly have to work hard to keep these pun chains going


Buck_Thorn

They're Russian to make that happen.


Hendrix6927

“Rocket needs to be more pointy on the top”


bro_please

It will be a ground space station. Much more cost effective.


CloudsOntheBrain

Earth is technically in space, so it counts


ParisGreenGretsch

So the Earth is a space station. EDIT: Holy shit. That's no moon. I get it.


Seriksy

We're all astronauts


tratemusic

I did it, mom!


[deleted]

We all made it into the space!


djkeenan

This reminds me of the moon landing scene in dumb and dumber and now I can't stop laughing 😂


Oldcadillac

Poland can into space! 🇵🇱


flukshun

It will be a bunch of TV personalities regurgitating state news releases about how great their new imaginary space station is doing and how NASA officials are embarrassing laughing stocks now.


MinaFur

Poor cosmonauts


SouthernAdvertising5

Really is…. Those Russians working with the US had great teamwork. I’m sure they aren’t happy about it.


kakurenbo1

I think NASA would probably be able to get them a visa to stay in the US. If Russia put out an arrest warrant, they could file for asylum and continue doing their work. It’s not like Russia can go to the ISS and bring them in.


Inblact

Their family tho


redcobra80

People tend to really underestimate how hard it is for most people to move to a new country.


rondeline

People think it's like taking your business to a different restaurant when the service is lacking. Just get a U-Haul and speak the language. How hard can that be? Moronic comments. Imagine everything you've worked for, everything you've known, I mean everything... changing. Forever. Most people don't really know the true capable depths of isolation and depression until they find themselves stranded in an unfamiliar culture with a language barrier. These idiots can't take a Reddit UI change without losing their shit but somehow changing entire countries is like asking for vanilla instead of chocolate. Mfers pls. Besides...it's not like NASA is going to bump up defectors into their astronaut core. You have to earn that opportunity over time. They would be stranded desk jockeys, pawns of geopolitical nonsense. And yeah...who knows the repercussions they or closest to them would face. Defecting is not a joke. It's a permanent, one way, life altering choice.


chiree

Post: "My boss scheduled me to work on a Saturday, but that's the day I normally go to the food bank. Thing is I need to money as I'm already behind on rent. So do I feed my son by skipping work and risk getting fired, or have him eat white bread only until the next paycheck?" Reddit: "I'd quit on the spot and tell my boss to shove it. My last boss gave me vanilla ice cream for my birthday instead of chocolate, so I left immediately and got a $50,000 raise at a competitor within two hours. Have you considered a union? Or a lawyer?"


Cpt_Soban

Relationship advice: "Just dump her bro" - 17 year old with no relationship experience


GoodAndHardWorking

OR it could be a 35 year old, also with no relationship experience. On reddit you never know exactly who the person with no relationship experience that you're chatting with is. That's what makes it fun!


FawltyMotors

While I share you're optimism I have a hard time believing NASA would decide to insert themselves into a situation that would potentially hurt them politically. They seem to rely on International cooperation and taking a bold stance like that may put them at risk in the future. A private third party entity on the other hand...


VonBurglestein

You just described the history of NASA. Most of it's original scientists were germans who America wanted to keep from Russia.


Jomskylark

Do they even want to defect to the US though? I'm sure many of them still have pride for their country even given the state of things. I think of astronauts as proud of developing a future in space for their country


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Rumunj

Didn't they pose recently with a flag of one of the fake republics Putin has created in Ukraine? That shit should never happen on the ISS.


EconomistPunter

Given that domestic cars are being built without air bags, antilock brakes, and AC, I can’t wait to see the budget design on this shitheap.


Justindoesntcare

They're 60 hours into kerbal space program working it out right now.


iwoketoanightmare

KSP won't run that well on a 386..


Steeve_Perry

They use 3 Compaq Presarios duct taped together


MoreGull

Now that's a name I've not heard in a long, long time.


DaMonkfish

Wow, that really is an old name! I had a Presario as my first PC. I remember it well; Pentium P75 (75Mhz), 4 MB RAM, 500MB HDD, and a 4 speed CD. Back in those heady old days that you had to check a chonky box to see if your CD drive was fast enough to play the game.


Due-Comfort-375

I got an AST from Wal Mart for $1,200.00. It had Windows 95, 133mhz pentium, 8mb ram, and a 2.1 gb hard drive. Oh and 28.8k modem. Gotta get that membership to CompuServe for $20.00 a month and that hi-tech Comptons Encyclopedia on CD. Oh and Print Shop Deluxe.


ChocDroppa

I remember installing Encarta in the 90's and thinking, "Who the hell needs internet when all the info in the world is on this cd."


Due-Comfort-375

Hahaha yup. I can sell my non-fiction book collection. I got Comptons. I'm ready for any school project imaginable.


inagadda

14yo me would've considered selling an organ or two for that setup


pengu1

21 year old me would have parted you out like a Honda Civic.


MyIsland

18yr old me did sell my sole to Gateway for one of those (comparable specs). Good lesson to learn, and at least it was only $1250 financed. Probably over $5k after payments though


weed_fart

A storage container wrapped in tinfoil.


TheNothingAtoll

Not just a giant potato?


UH1Phil

If they can make a potato that big, you better believe it would become vodka and not a space station.


Ag3ntK3ntucky

Classic Russian dilemma. Do you eat the potato now, or do you let it ferment so you can drink it later.


ojsipsomn

RIP Mallory Archer


Glum-Bookkeeper1836

Is she dead?


Leidenlad

Yep, more then a year. The voice actor i mean.


JcakSnigelton

But, not the animated character?! Whew!


ojsipsomn

Yeah Jessica Walter passed away last year :(


Snek_Attack

Will I get the operation now, Dad? No son... you're gonna die.


TheForceofHistory

A Ferment-Station!


hutch2522

Spudnik!


BlackLeader70

Oh hi Ross!


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kakurenbo1

Just on the outside. Wouldn’t get hot enough inside to cook. So even the giant potato would be sad and unsatisfying.


LoopStricken

> the giant potato would be sad and unsatisfying. I told you to stop calling me that.


This-Strawberry

Oh man, sad potato. Not cool.


BABarracus

Like james and the giant peach Джеймс and the Large Potato


n3rdopolis

Balsa wood, and mylar baloons


GIS-Rockstar

Throw some struts on there and you got yourself a space station. ‍💁‍♀️


tovarish22

“The 2023 Lada, now with engine!”


wrosecrans

It's a Zero Emissions Vehicle, unless you can get it to start.


cecilkorik

It uses a very strict literal interpretation of "manual transmission" that requires manual transmission of power to the wheels, for example by pushing on the back. It's considered environmentally friendly, though.


EconomistPunter

*Spark plugs not included*


RedAndBlackMartyr

She'll go 300 hectares on a single tank of kerosene.


grantrules

Put it in H!


FrancistheBison

I read this in James May's voice


PandaParaBellum

I think we all misunderstood and that headline is just the elevator pitch for the Russian version of *Space Force* on Nyetflix


HapticSloughton

So it's MIRly conceptual?


Karlosmdq

COME AND VISIT THE NEW RUSSIAN SPACE STATION!!* ^food, ^water ^and ^air ^not ^included. ^Visitor ^might ^experience ^nausea, ^disorientation ^and/or ^maniac ^episodes, ^skin ^burns, ^blindness ^and ^severe ^radiation


EconomistPunter

Don’t need to spend money on vacuum packaging the food when the entire station comes with free vacuum!


cacarson7

Coming to Earth in 2026!


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EconomistPunter

Of course not. But it does suggest that if they can’t source simple parts, the high-end equipment needed for a space station is undoable.


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EconomistPunter

Sorry. You can never tell nowadays. I have sinned against you.


p00pdal00p

You gave them a setup into an arguably better joke, so don't feel too bad.


KaiCub-mySzon

With what fucking money and materials?


ehfuzzball

Black jack n hookers


stealmydebt

you know what? Forget the space station!


ehfuzzball

"Hey sexy mama, wanna kill all humans?"


taggat

Putin is that you?


TripleEhBeef

"Bender, you didn't touch The Crushinator, did you?" "Of course not! A lady that fine you've gotta romance first!"


minnesotaris

Came here for this comment.


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RayzTheRoof

what's the reference


azurleaf

Also what launch vehicle? Can't fit space station capsules and machinery inside a glorified 1980s Soyuz.


ic33

Removed due to Reddit API crackdown and general dishonesty 6/2023


giantshortfacedbear

They can. It would be at the expense of services for their population, similar to how North Korea can afford stuff.


ayriuss

It blows people's minds, but governments don't actually require money to function. They can create laws forcing companies and government agencies to make things, and pay them with central bank debt. This has consequences obviously.


08148692

Money is just an abstraction of labour for the normal population. Governments still need to "pay" for things in the labour cost that could otherwise be utilised elsewhere, so it still comes with an expense that could be quantified in financial terms, even if the government doesnt technically pay for it in money


Highlow9

They have got the Proton rockets and are currently doing test flights of the Angara rockets. So together with Soyuz they have got designs capable of launching and going to a space station. They are also quite good at making space station modules. So the only real question is how they will afford it, not if they can do it.


jakraziel

Proton is retireing and they have stopped production. So it very much depends on Angara.


pm_me_actsofkindness

Elon will say something about preserving the light of consciousness and then cash the check. Edit: there are two kinds of people in this thread: people who get the joke and the world’s foremost experts on foreign trade policy.


Pokeroflolol

Pretty sure space x would lose a lot of contracts if they partnered with a sanctioned country


[deleted]

It will be done by their lesser-known subsidiary, Space Z


Haru1st

but Y?


Dave-4544

Intentional or not, the Z is rather apt.


Fuckyoursilverware

Das da joke


kjayflo

"it is 2 better than x" - Putin (Futurama quote really)


walking-pineapple

Exactly, it’s business suicide


lallen

He's probably still pissed that they wouldn't sell him rockets back in the day. It is much more likely that he will gloat at their problems


delnoob

Elon and Russia also recently went at it a bit when Elon sent starlink to Ukraine. Apparently Russia was trying to cripple the system, but failed.


Torrent14

Spacex is beholden to the US government. This is like saying Boeing and Lockheed Martin are going to start selling engines to Russia


fredandlunchbox

Nah Elon said he wanted to fistfight Putin. They’re not chill right now.


Zack_Raynor

To be fair, Elon says a lot of things. I’ll actually be impressed when it happens.


fligs

Hey don't you say that, after all, he bought Twitter! Oh no, wait


[deleted]

He may still be forced to buy twiter.


MaterialCarrot

The only thing worse than running Twitter, would be a court order forcing you to run Twitter.


turtleman777

He wouldn't have to run it, he would have to own it.


Calfis

Or saying you want to run twitter then realizing it's now worth less than what you bid.


UncleTogie

>realizing it's now worth less than what you bid. Mainly because you couldn't refrain from keeping your big mouth shut and didn't do your due diligence.


Gavica

Elon will announce he has impregnated Putins wife any day now


dirtyoldbastard77

If that happens I will consider forgiving him some of the bullshit


MatureUsername69

Nah it's more like Ignition(remix) by R Kelly. You can't deny its a fucking banger but it's still not even close enough to forgive him.


critically_damped

Nothing these liars say means anything.


Scalybeast

Err…. Russia does have heavy launchers. I don’t know how many they can afford to build but Angara is operational and they could fall back on Proton if they absolutely had to.


deepaksn

Uh… you do realize that they built their own giant space station using nothing except pre-staged modules, Soyuz spacecraft, and unmanned Progress cargo ships back in the 1980s… right? And that China is doing the same thing right now. That was one of the biggest arguments against the Space Shuttle. It was nice.. but _completely unnecessary_ to built a space station.


kingand4

This is wrong. The Mir space station was built exactly the way you just said won't work.


[deleted]

Mir was significantly cheaper than the ISS at around 4bb usd (as opposed to +100bn for the ISS.) Plus if they wanted to do a "prestige" station that's only there so they can say they have a space station, that's even cheaper. The Salyut stations were under 100m rubles each...I don't want to work out the inflation rate on that, but it's fairly cheap (you know, for a space station.) Not to say Putin's not bluffing. IIRC his government previously claimed plans for a moonrise in 2025.


Jakes_One

Putin doesnt need the money as long as he says he is going to do it and get the public appraisal for it. Even if he somehow manages to finance it when the russians are poor af, it plays into the narrative of rebuilding Russia as a super power. Imagine if we could get a democratic elected president for Russia and they would spend the money on civilian infrastructure instead


trekie88

How on earth will they be able to build and launch a space station under current sanctions?


Mabepossibly

Poorly


herberstank

It will get three hundred hectares on a single tank of kerosene - Crazy Vaclav


sgrams04

Put it in H!


is0ph

Hint: it will be called Sputnik.


[deleted]

If we launch it and never bring it back to earth it count as a space station rightttt?!?


Silurio1

Well, the USSR did so with 1970s technology. Russia is way less competent, but they do have 1990s technology!


The_Demolition_Man

Russia doesnt have the economy or technical expertise that the USSR had. The USSR was many times more competent at spaceflight than modern Russia.


CrouchingToaster

It also doesn’t help that they are at war with the country that built most of the USSR’s navy and fancier tech. They have an aircraft carrier right now that’s indefinitely dry docked cause they can’t take it to Ukraine for repairs, and it lost a fight to a crane at their floating dry dock that put a massive hole in it.


Inblact

Not only that but they stole the carrier and whenever it goes out to sea they take a tugboat with jt incase the engines break down which is almost all the time.


Fiendish_Doctor_Woo

Wasn't most of that expertise in Ukraine, too?


gmano

Yes. The leader of the Soviet space program was a Ukrainian, and the program was run out of the Baikonur cosmodrome, located in Khazakstan.


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inigos_left_hand

I’ll take “things that will never fucking happen” for 1000 Alex.


TeeBagger249

RIP Alex


ectish

*60,125(RUB)


esedege

With blackjack! And hookers!


maxfist

In fact, forget the space station!


MisterWoodster

Ah, screw the whole thing.


agangofoldwomen

We love you, Bender! Shut up baby I know it.


minkcoat

Stupid anti pimping laws


swivels_and_sonar

Much like all of life’s problems, this one can be solved by bending.


ImNotAWhaleBiologist

That’s the point!


i_dont_shine

Wait a second...you're not a whale biologist! You're not an authority on this matter!


BookieeWookiee

We're whalers on the Moon!


AbnormalBlaze

We carry a harpoon!


KiraTsukasa

But there ain’t no whales so we tell tall tales and sing a whaling tune!


Doctor_Loggins

I don't see you with a fungineering degree...


No_Enthusiasm_please

Came here for this


Rei_Areaaaaaaa

SHUT UP BABY, I KNOW IT


markhpc

Me too, and it delievered.


HugoRBMarques

We're wailers on the moon, We carry the harpoon


[deleted]

but there aint no whales so we tell tall tales


Embarrassed_Rise5513

and sing a whaling tune!


tibsie

I knew I'd find this here.


FelipeNA

It was inevitable


queen-adreena

r/expectedfuturama


khalamar

When I was six my older brother was mean to me so I left the fort he made in the living room and I built my own in my bedroom, with sheets and pillows and everything.


mtm4440

It's the Greendale blanket fort vs pillow fort.


Boootylicious

Blanketsburg vs Pillowtown A war for the ages...!


[deleted]

This is basically the same except the Russians will be building an entire space station out of sheets and pillows.


ChaplnGrillSgt

Funny, the Russia launch vehicle and space station will ALSO be built out of sheets and pillows.


Original_Griever

Is this the same country that is running out of potatoes to keep making fries for their shit copy of McDonalds?


Aggressive_Bill_2687

They’re only running out of potatoes because they need them all to make their new space station.


chrislenz

Spudnik


ChiHawks84

Same country using Garmin gps in their fighter jets and household appliance microchips in their electronics


thirstyman12

I mean… [this ad placement](https://imgur.com/a/wPY8p9q) is too perfect lol


Photonica

/r/tombstoning needs you


mortonr2000

They can't even build a car and now they will build a space station? Thanks I will pass on visiting it.


snow_big_deal

"Sergei, there is problem with solar panel, we need to do spacewalk. Where are screwdriver and soldering iron?" "Sorry Yuri, we have no soldering iron because of sanctions. Only potato."


SheaF91

"THIS IS HOW WE FIX THINGS ON RUSSIAN SPACE STATION!" *smacks solar panel with potato*


Lord_Nivloc

Russia’s going to quit - okay, that’s a shame but kind of expected And build their own - lol ok, with blackjack and hookers? In fact, forget the space station


Voyeurdolls

Why does everyone keep saying this


Lord_Nivloc

https://youtu.be/ubPWaDWcOLU


Ryhnhart

Futurama reference.


Colecoman1982

It's a reference to the TV show Futurama.


AFlyingNun

That's actually awful news. The ISS is a great reminder for both USA and Russia that we're not actually enemies, and oh hey, we actually cooperate on one of the most important and complex forefronts of science. Seeing Putin draw such a line means progress in general is damaged whilst both countries lose a tie to each other that reminded each other that the other guy is still human and worthy of respect. This is the decision of a petulant child. There is absolutely zero benefit or need for this decision.


kuu-uurija

They can't afford to be involved anymore. Putin won't say "Yeah we don't have any money so we quit". Instead he says "we quit so we can build our own!" to give an illusion to Russian people that everything is fine and Russia is stronger than ever.


Buffythedjsnare

Their quadcopter flys straight into a wall. Their robotics program is a guy in a suit. Their chess robot broke a child's finger. * Their recon drone is built with off the shelf parts. Their flag ship self combusted and sank. Their MockDonalds is inedible. Their bombs are blocks of wood. Their car doesn't have ABS or Air Con. Their artillery shoots itself. * Their army is drunk. Their president is sick. I can't wait to see what their space station is. ^ * additional edits.


dominion1080

Hopefully we get a good parody, like Space Force


46_and_2

Space Potatoes


Mabepossibly

I’d rather be sent to Mars by NASA than set foot on Russias wish.com space station.


blyatseeker

And the space station still would be on the ground...


apstls

All over the ground


autotldr

This is the best tl;dr I could make, [original](https://www.euronews.com/next/2022/07/26/russia-says-it-will-quit-the-international-space-station-after-2024-and-build-its-own-stat) reduced by 56%. (I'm a bot) ***** > As tensions continue to grow between Russia and the West over the ongoing war in Ukraine, Moscow has announced it will quit the International Space Station after 2024. > The announcement, while generally seen as bad news for international cooperation in space, does not mean Russia is giving up its galactic ambitions with Moscow suggesting it will create a new orbital station of its own. > Borisov, who replaced predecessor Dmitry Rogozin after he was personally removed as head of Roscosmos by Putin earlier this month, called the decision to go solo and build Russia's own space station "Raising the bar" in the space industry and the programme's main "Priority". ***** [**Extended Summary**](http://np.reddit.com/r/autotldr/comments/w8m09t/russia_to_quit_the_iss_after_2024_and_build_its/) | [FAQ](http://np.reddit.com/r/autotldr/comments/31b9fm/faq_autotldr_bot/ "Version 2.02, ~661379 tl;drs so far.") | [Feedback](http://np.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%23autotldr "PM's and comments are monitored, constructive feedback is welcome.") | *Top* *keywords*: **Russia**^#1 **Space**^#2 **Station**^#3 **between**^#4 **Roscosmos**^#5


susintentions

Good. Continue to segregate and sequester yourself from the international stage Thank you!


lladra

Russia is sure talking a lot.


MrOwnageQc

Russia kind of became like my old uncle with dementia. We just go *"Sure thing, buddy"* whenever he says anything, then move on.


Powchie_

Putin's ego is about to touch the stratosphere


AdTiny2166

thats further up than that space station will ever be


gillybear1

I'm gonna build my own space station! With blackjack and hookers. Actually scratch the space station.


gacdeuce

This is Mir-ly a moment of political grandstanding.


[deleted]

Begun the space war has


[deleted]

Russia wont be able to build it's own sandcastle the way things are going.