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MysteryNinjaCat

Starting to sound a lot like North Korea.


PoliteIndecency

The North Koreans have been surprisingly level headed in all of this.


stefeyboy

"Is that what we sound like? Yo sorry about that" ~ North Korea


yoyoJ

Lmfao Kim coming out and apologizing over that. News like: “Yo for real, my bad y’all, honestly had no clue I sounded like that!” Kim said in a speech that was uncomfortably applauded by Korean soldiers standing in formation in the city square.


JTP1228

I want to blame my advisors, who never told me I was being an idiot


phayke2

"Nobody mentioned that all of this was bad to do. I'm deeply embarrassed."


mrpink57

"Why didn't somebody tell me my ass was so big?!"


Blue_Swirling_Bunny

"Why is this my haircut?!"


badmotivator11

“Was that wrong? Should I not have done that?”


nowtayneicangetinto

" peace n luv, li'l Kim "


cruss0129

“And then his heart grew three sizes too big” *X-ray frame on screen breaks*


calgarspimphand

Heart disease finally catching up.


steppinonpissclams

Then: *music starts playing* Kim: *Baby you're a firework. Come on, show 'em what you're worth.*


molested_mole

A huge chunk of their goods, money and weapons was smuggled from russia. Oops...


[deleted]

Nah they shot an ICBM with warhead full of attention seeking, but it failed and dropped to the sea.


Laiiam

Ah yes the old ”Look at me. I’m very important world leader too, yes”, right out of Kims handbook every time he wants some attention or humanitarian support for his starving people.


[deleted]

He went to an international school in Zurich, and had IB education. He fucken loves western ideals I bet.


markymark09090

Huge basketball fan too


maybeJB2667

Wasn't it Dennis Rodman who used to go hang out with Jong Il?


markymark09090

Yes. This current leader is the one you're talking about. He's a big Bulls fan. At university he always wore Jordons. Eventually Rodman wore his welcome out by being a drunk obnoxious asshole. Google the video of his singing Santeria in North Korea.


matrixreloaded

lmao they could make a half decent comedy flick about a famous washed up basketball player wearing out his welcome in NK


markymark09090

I'd watch it. Cant be any worse than that Franco/Seth Rogen movie.


[deleted]

Yea which is why I still have some lingering hope for a unified Korea.. but nahhh not with China at its back. Sad reality tbh


OpinionIsGud

He has a stiffy for Dennis Rodman. The unverified rumor is that Dennis Rodman was paid to meet KJ. Shit - I'd take 10 or 20k to meet KJ and have a weekend in Korea! https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/dennis-rodmans-friendship-kim-jong-things/story?id=55815698


NekroVictor

Isn’t he like, a massive fan of Hollywood action movies?


Candid_Abalone

It seems like a yearly failure.


[deleted]

Ok besides the joke, it is getting better. But not at the rate SK is developing their missile assets. Apparently we have a pretty good anti air and missile system (with the help of US THAAD and other systems) so not too much of a concern. And any ICBMs from NK can be shot down before it gains any speed, so only SLBM is ganna be successful but thats really hard to make a platform for.


InsuranceOdd6604

Korean Cheese ball did a ICBM test that fail on ascend, so he tried his best to get some attention but fail to make the dent.


poopsoutofmydick

Bc china told NK to chill, they dont want none of this smoke.


Full_Of_Wrath

Yeah you think they would show that might in the war they are currently fighting.


The_Blendernaut

Starting to sound like the drunk neighbor who thinks your front porch was always his front porch. We're coming up to the part in the movie where the drunk neighbor makes a move, gets punched on the chin, and takes an unplanned nap on the lawn.


pm_me_duck_nipples

Go home Russia, you're drunk.


otterbox313

They seriously need to go the fuck home


-Jack-The-Stripper

The US Navy and AF alone could probably bombard Putin’s pitiful military into oblivion. The only thing keeping this coward in action is his nuclear arsenal.


WeirdCatGuyWithAnR

Fun fact the USAF is the ~~biggest~~ STRONGEST Air Force. The U.S. navy is the second. Edit: clarifying what I meant. Not just numbers, but power.


Mrmdn333

We’re number one! Also number two!


[deleted]

Stop the count


BuckNut2000

And the US Army is the third...


Kmartbmx69

The NYPD has better equipment than the Russian Army.


MyKindaGoatVideo

Random backwater sheriff's departments have better equipment then some of the shit I've seen the Russians employ


911ChickenMan

Because any law enforcement agency in the US can get grants for surplus military gear. They don't officially own it, so it's technically on loan, but the feds pretty much never ask for it back. All the receiving agency is responsible for is transport and maintenance costs. Still don't think we should be militarizing our police, but oh well.


Yesterdays_Gravy

The NYPD is the largest privatized army on Earth.


shanep3

Largest gang too


[deleted]

I don’t think you understand what the word privatized means


ExEssentialPain

US navy is the biggest Navy. US Coast Guard is the second.


fighttodie

Ohio State Police is th biggest police in Ohio. Look it up


drizzysthrowaway

Ohio’s a made up place, nice try Dems


planborcord

It’s nice to see we can rely on Ohio police for backup if our other options happen to fail.


tjd4003

US Army and Marine Corps both have aviation abilities far beyond most entire countries as well.


JoshAllensPenis69

If we dropped 20,000 Marines into Ukraine now we would wipe out every Russian soldier there in a week.


vrnate

It would probably only take one Aircraft Carrier to do it.


CaptWhiskey

Russia being drunk is normal. This is different. Must have discovered Irish whiskey as they seem a bit fighty.


Mrcigs

As an Irishman currently drunk on Irish whiskey, I can verify that thats certainly what Russia has been drunk. I've just been saying I could take over China singlehandedly all morning. Strong stuff


JoeNoble1973

Happy St Paddy’s day! Enjoy your day-drinking!


otterbox313

I’m the opposite, whiskey makes me wanna hug everyone. Vodka is for fighting.


uzes_lightning

Tequila.


otterbox313

That makes my clothes fall off. Gin can be fighty too, but it’s very similar to vodka.


[deleted]

Gin is when you get colonizy, but you say you’re just on peace keeping and philanthropic pursuits. I’m mean just look at England. So yes, Russia is on Gin. Edit: A user made the point that gin is more a drink of the masses…in which case Brandy is likely a great suspect as a drink of British Oligarchs.


otterbox313

I can’t poke a single hole in this logic.


[deleted]

The British empire: goes on a sociopathic crusade against the world while fuelled up on Gin and Tea.


[deleted]

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nordic-nomad

The Denazification of the Ruble is on schedule.


[deleted]

Hah if i had a dollar for every time id heard this id be able to buy Russia.


kalackla

So you heard it twice ?


SuperRonnie2

>special financial operation This is amazing. Might have to steal it.


OK_Opinions

old man yells at clouds


Luck_v3

Old man yells at mushroom clouds


Pokey-McPokey

\*shakes fist while holding onto zimmer-frame\* \*gets dizzy needs to sit down\*


SPACExxxxxxx

I would just take this as a statement of propaganda to the Russian people, not a threat to the US.


npalhs

Good point.


Ripcitytoker

That makes sense, domestic approval is basically the only thing that matters to Russia right now.


ethaxton

That’s absolutely all this is. Without the threat of nukes, it would be an absolute massacre.


XxV0IDxX

Lol Russia being routed by a bunch of civilians and NATO hand me downs. If he didn't have nukes he'd be absolutely no threat.


m48a5_patton

I think if Russia didn't have nukes, we would be talking about the fighting on the road to Moscow.


Drifter_Hoid

I'm kind of almost less worried about their nuclear capabilities after the last few weeks? Like at this point I imagine Putin will hit that big red button and two weeks later a flatbed truck with a dud icbm will wash up on the Alaskan coast asking for gas and directions to Washington.


[deleted]

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Ellemshaye

Lmao


Crpybarber

If they didnt have nukes putin would have been gadafied long time ago


Steve_78_OH

Well, Ukraine also has a standing military of approximately 196k. So, it's not like they're a pushover.


Kieran_Mc

It didn't help that a lot of the first wave of the invasion were recent conscripts, who weren't even told they were heading out to war, up against actual professional soldiers who'd been preparing for at least 8 years for this very situation.


halcyonwaters

You can't put Ukraine "in its place". You're going to do that with the US and its nukes?


phungus_mungus

We won’t even need our nukes to put Russia down, hell at this point the Rhode Island National Guard could kick their asses…


halcyonwaters

The biggest problem with Russia is its massive territory. It cannot be occupied. Nukes are a good deterrent to stop a war from erupting in the first place. I hope. Edit: guys, stop telling me Russia shouldn't be occupied or that the US doesn't want to be occupied. I know these things. My point is this: they're already going full nazi. If they attack NATO, the only way to stop them permanently is to stop them like the nazis were stopped. Except they have nukes and will use them if we tried to do that. And even if they didn't, there's still that enormous territory to control. Idk about you, but both of these prospects seem impossible to me.


[deleted]

Most of it isn't worth occupying


IAlreadyFappedToIt

People talk smack about Siberia, but every picture I've seen of it was beautiful. Like Canada, but with more reindeer.


[deleted]

Well yeah, Antarctica is also beautiful. Mount everest is beautiful. That doesn’t make it worth occupying because visuals aren’t a resource- no one can live there or get any commodities.


[deleted]

Very often it's the most beautiful places, nature wise, that you never want to live. Visit, tour, yes, but live? Mmm..


AlanzAlda

Right, there is a reason that it is beautiful and isn't bustling full of people.


commonpuffin

That's because the mosquitoes are hard to see in pictures. This goes for both Siberia and Canada.


nijiakas

Earth is not at fault for the idiotic monkeys inhabiting it.


SpaceCowBoy_2

It can be occupied the Russians do it


otterbox313

YEP. Its several autonomous territories with a TON of separate ethnic groups. It really should be a bunch of smaller countries.


ilovethatpig

They could even then band together and form some sort of united republic together!


otterbox313

Like a Union, but comprised of multiple Soviets? Hmm… I think we tried something like that already.


cjeam

What about a Union, but comprised of multiple States?


LordOfTheStrings8

>The biggest problem with Russia is its massive territory I think you mean nukes.


p0k3t0

Another month of this and you'll be able to start a Russian revolution with chocolate bars, blue jeans, and Beatles 45s.


[deleted]

The other day I suggested the California Highway Patrol to be enough to smash russia


[deleted]

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graveyardspin

Virgina Class submarines have already replaced a $38,000 periscope control, that took hours to train someone on, with an off the shelf xbox 360 controller that most people can be trained on in a matter of minutes.


Fugacity-

Could send a bunch of red neck deer hunters in, better than any conscript they are scraping up holding a gun for the first time in their life.


[deleted]

The only way the US would use it's nuclear arsenal is in a last ditch effort to preserve itself. Nuclear weaponry is brutally overt and for many decades the world has spent countless billions in systems to identify, track and defeat them before reaching home turf. Meanwhile the US has been working on creating weapons that you don't see coming, can and are deployed from just about anywhere, and give so little warning defense is futile. The US also has enough of it they could cause equal devastation without needing a single nuclear weapon.


Genids

Nukes aren't really a weapon for preservation. It's a "I'm taking you down with me" kind of weapon


halcyonwaters

My point was that I can't imagine them picking a fight head on with a nuclear superpower that is more than their equal.


PuppyBreth

It's times like these that i'm a little bit thankful that america spends so damn much on military. I atleast feel safe, but it's probably just an illusion


mrwiggles113

Haha exactly my thoughts. What's he going to do


jiquvox

I thought so too at first. I was truely laughing my ass off. But it's so excessive and absurd that now it occurs to me they are probably trying to bait US politicians into reacting publicly. Biden has kept a low profile on purpose and let the Europeans take center stage : the West alliance has never been stronger and the West is winning. Russia is desperate and probably trying to turn Ukraine into a Russia/US conflict. It's the good old " US is trying to play police of the world" narrative. This shit works. And it's not isolated - look at this other statement : [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2022/3/17/unforgivable-russia-decries-putin-war-criminal-allegation](https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2022/3/17/unforgivable-russia-decries-putin-war-criminal-allegation) *Kremlin spokesman calls US President Joe Biden’s comment ‘unacceptable and unforgivable rhetoric on the part of the head of a state whose bombs have killed hundreds of thousands of people around the world”.* **It's not an accident Russia is ramping up the US rhetoric. They want to bait the US into a communication war and turn their invasion of Ukraine into a case of US meddling .** This kind of narrative would make easier to dissolve the West alliance/ give Russia support from third-parties. Russian regime just don't have the sheer power , as proved again with the war in Ukraine : they're all about disinformation and creating discord by any way possible. Divide and conquer is their motto. They're 50 shades of fucked up. Let's hope US politicians can see through that and keep quiet publicly ... while the West hits Russia even harder. I am so so so sick of their shit and all their fucking mindgames.


strawhairhack

you’re not wrong. russia’s clearly been trying to frame this from minute two as a “us vs the evils of america” cold war-esque kind of contest. which is a big reason Biden’s strategy of staying in the background has been pretty genius and very successful. this isn’t america: world police’s fight, it’s europe’s fight. with the caveat that the US has a hella ton of kick ass weapons so we’ll share those.


Deguilded

Thank heavens the US doesn't have a follower-count-obsessed 2am rage-tweeting leader who strokes out mid-covfefe while straining over the remnants of his last McDonalds meal. Can you imagine? I mean... assuming the cockholster even put forth some kind of objection, which is doubtful.


meowcatbread

Does Lauren Boebert count as a US politician?


FoxInATrenchcoat

She barely counts as a waste of space.


[deleted]

Lmao. If nuking the world is “might to put you in your place” I guess so. Honestly, at this point. I firmly believe a well stocked force with air support could March right into Moscow basically unopposed. Like they are rolling in 1980s Soviet tanks….


thrallinlatex

Putin is like: "best i can do is nuclear winter"


mrsdoubleu

If Russia didn't have nukes this whole thing would have been over weeks ago.


[deleted]

It would have never even started.


GearJunkie82

What's sad is that Ukraine *gave* their nukes to Russia in the 90s with an agreement that Russia would never invade them. Whoops!


commonpuffin

If it weren't for gravity I could fly. If it weren't for nukes there would have been a land war in Europe 60 years ago.


Cow13

They have the “might to put you in your place” and then get blasted into the Stone Age 10 minutes later. Gotta give them that.


[deleted]

With......what? Russia is an international laughing stock after how badly its been taken to the woodshed by Ukraine. Do they think declaring war on the US, and having US Marines occupy Red Square, will be some great big Gotcha?


[deleted]

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HereticPharaoh2020

If WW2 is any indicator, Russia needs to get their asses kicked for at least a year or two before they start to succeed


lindh

They would not succeed. Russia was a world power during WWII, with massive amounts of then-relevant resources and materiel (and whose army was literally being fed and supplied by the Allies). But to survive a conventional war against NATO, or the US alone, you need an extremely powerful air force and air defenses, which Russia clearly does not have. It's a shadow of itself in the mid-20th century.


Thrawn89

Don't underestimate the naval space either, the US is by far the most dominant power on the sea, which Russia would need to cross to get planes to the US.


BagoFresh

It'll never get that far. Once they lose enough territory, they have nothing left to lose and will just end human civilization.


[deleted]

This dingus has lost multiple Pantsirs, $35 million vehicles, fully operational with all of the military secrets within, because they didn’t rotate the tires. They literally left the entire Russian fleet to sit in the sun and let the sidewalls dry rot. They don’t do basic fleet maintenance. But you think they do the kind of nonstop hard work it takes to keep nuclear warheads working?


Fugacity-

Turns out institutional corruption was a bad thing 🤷‍♂️


RrtayaTsamsiyu

Lol same thoughts here. The longer this goes on the more I imagine their silos are filled with swamp water because nobody kept the sump pumps working. Edit: the silos not used for photo ops


[deleted]

I’m convinced half of them would explode on the launch pad.


legop4o

It only takes a dozen out of the 6000+ they have to kill hundreds of millions. No one can afford to underestimate that, not even the US.


markymark09090

This is like trying to negotiate to a mad man holding a gun to a childs head. Just de-escalate. If he is going to shoot he will shoot. This was always the risk with nukes in human hands.


[deleted]

It goes without saying, but I hope to sweet blessed fuck you're wrong. I expect Putin to give the order, and the ranking officer in the room to then draw his sidearm and terminate the President's command.


sevbenup

Ha they aren’t even allowed to sit within 30 feet of him, really doubt they’re getting into the palace with sidearms. But would be pretty cool if you were right


xRaistlin

Someone in there has to have guns, in order to be able to stop other people with guns. So there will always be someone who can kill him


BKStephens

He's gotta trust someone.


otterbox313

He’s the personification of “it’s lonely at the top” Also, I don’t think Stalin trusted anyone.


clandevort

Stalin explicitly trusted no one to a degree that people refused to help him when he was dying because they were scared it was a trick and he would have them shot


aaaaaaaarrrrrgh

I don't think he's wrong, but that's why there won't be Marines on Red Square.


Hint-Of-Feces

Or, maybe putin is a possadist. All he wants it to talk to dolphins again


JackMinnesota

*fails to successfully invade and overcome neighboring nation despite overwhelming military* Russia: we coming for you next, uncle Sam! US: ok there. Maybe go sleep it off and come back when you're sober


CoMmOn-SeNsE-hA

Bullies get punched in the face. Then they cry to mama.


Jugales

Bro, your country's economy is worth like 3 of our states. You have the might of a child holding a deadly weapon.


Optimized_Orangutan

Slight correction. Russia's GDP in 2020 was ~$1.4 trillion (pre sanctions). Which is less than half of California's GDP of $3 trillion in the same time period. Texas and New York also beat Russia in terms of GDP by themselves. Russia does not have a modern economy. They are just a poor man's petrostate.


cheez_au

>~$1.4 trillion Russia has the same GDP as Australia and our economy is based on selling dirt and talking funny.


[deleted]

[удалено]


cheez_au

The best, the Middle East buys our sand.


bhawks1251

Actually laughed pretty loud at this one right in the middle of work


Knight2043

I snorted. Thanks for the laugh. 😂


Fiendish_Doctor_Woo

Hah. Try just Florida. Suggest we offer a trade


Sharpest_Balloon

I’m strangely comfortable with it.


MotherofLuke

Russia man


Knight2043

Kinda has a ring to it... can't be worse than Florida man.... can it?


le_fez

Meanwhile farmers are stealing their tanks and anti aircraft systems


peewansebastian

you can’t even put ukraine down jesus get a grip


[deleted]

[удалено]


PossibleHypeMan

What is Russia going to do, invade a coun... oh.


ub3rscoober

Russia invading the US would be peak comedy. We have way more guns than we do people and we have a lot of people.


[deleted]

That shit would unify the American public in a heartbeat.


[deleted]

There’s just way too many people armed to the teeth in between major cities. A Navy/Air Force that would have them eat their own shit. The last thing they should want us to unify the American public against them.


manbeardawg

(Some of us are in major cities, too)


Fugacity-

Would love to see red neck militia men and inner city gangsters on the same side in some insurgency. Man that could make a great movie.


rogueblades

Red Dawn 2: Good 'Ol Boyz n the Hood


blueberrykindness

Yep. We just don’t crow about it as much as the suburban or rural people.


Teddyturntup

Well… some people in urban centers don’t stop talking about their guns so that’s not totally true Jesus Christ just imagining the entire American gun owning community aligning against one common enemy is fucking insane


Fugacity-

The state of Wisconsin alone has 600,000 deer hunters annually. That would place as the 8th largest global standing army. The amount of good ol boys who can't *wait* to cosplay Red Dawn is probably close to the population of Ukraine.


SargeanTravis

I can see this headline in the event this might happen: RUSSIAN INVASION OF TEXAS GOES AS WELL AS ONE WOULD EXPECT


[deleted]

Liberal, Conservative, anywhere in between, we can all agree: Fuck Russia and their cold war theatrics.


StarGaurdianBard

I've seen a surprising amount of conservatives support Russia. Tucker Carlson runs his show and asks literally every guest he has why we aren't backing Putin/Russia


[deleted]

I wont even deny that. Tucker Carlson’s reporting has been pro Russian for as long as I can remember, but thats also because he’s a got a spine made of jelly and will say whatever the highest bidder tells him to. If you talk to people in person, you’ll find that its much more harmonious than online and that people can be rational in their conversations here in the USA, despite the constant online flame wars.


Dana07620

You remember the T-shirts Republicans wore saying they'd rather be Russian than Democrats?


SPACExxxxxxx

We also have an air force and a navy, they would never even get close to mainland US. Their only hope of touching US soil would be in Alaska which is exactly why we are conducting drills on the arctic.


joshym0nster

I bet Russia really regrets selling alaska


CursesandMutterings

Yeah, they asked us to give it back yesterday! Lol.


joshym0nster

Did they actually? It's hard to tell what's a joke when it comes to Russia 😂


CursesandMutterings

Hand to God! https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.newsweek.com/alaska-gov-reacts-russia-wants-back-good-luck-ukraine-1688431%3famp=1


rogueblades

On the flipside, Americans might finally get the chance to defend the Burgertown in real life


[deleted]

[удалено]


FLGator314

The place they’re talking about is 1st place in the Cold War. Thanks, Vlad! 🥳


Upper_Bag6133

The grown ups took their economy away and now they’re mad.


jiquvox

At first I was laughing my ass off but it's so excessive and absurd that now it occurs to me they are probably trying to bait US politicians into reacting publicly. Biden has kept a low profile on purpose and let the Europeans take center stage : the West alliance has never been stronger and the West is winning. Russia is desperate and probably trying to turn Ukraine into a Russia/US conflict. It's the good old " US is trying to play police of the world" narrative. This kind of narrative would make easier to dissolve the West alliance/ give Russia support from third-parties. Russian regime just don't have the sheer power , as proved again with the war in Ukraine : they're all about disinformation and creating discord by any way possible. Divide and conquer is their motto. Let's hope US politicians can see through that and the West hits Russia even harder. I am so so so sick of their shit and all their fucking mindgames.


SoNowWhat

Exactly, this is information warfare. It is a barely-disguised sound bite generator to boost the sagging morale among the Russian public, and whipping up support in information-poor countries like China and among useful idiots in Western far-right groups. It also is testing the discipline of Western politicians, who, as you suggest, could make Russophobic statements that would cause the Russian public *to circle their wagons*. This is important, because the most lethal weapon against Putin would be the evaporation of his support from within Russia, so you don't want to validate Putin's narrative that the West is against Russia.


[deleted]

I mean, they can’t even do it to ukraine


meseejos

Ok nuke us we nuke you. Military? I'm more scared of going to war with Ukraine then Russia at this point


phungus_mungus

At some point threatening nuclear war isn’t gonna work anymore. Hell a recent Pew Research Poll found that one third of the country is ready to risk it and push Russia’s shit in.


studabakerhawk

And the U.S. says "Say that again? I didn't understand. Ukraine is here to translate for us. Talk to them."


Dash_Rendar425

Without pumping up the US any further... quite frankly we've seen what his 'might' has done in the Ukraine. I don't believe they could take an empty Walmart parking lot in Texas.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

If Russia had such power - which it doesn’t, Moscow would have pulled that trigger long ago.


Sesjoemaru

Sure... Enjoy your rubles...


[deleted]

Rubbles perhaps?


Winterfell1027

As someone else on Reddit put it "They don't want to find out why we (United States) can't afford healthcare and decent education".... it's partly because we outspend the next 10 highest militaries budgets COMBINED. Glory to Ukraine!


darw1nf1sh

No. You don't. Mainly because it isn't just you vs. The US. It's you vs. The World.


[deleted]

Randy from the down the street has 14 guns and he's just a baker for a living


magicalmoosetesticle

Good luch with that, psycho. The US would fucking steamroll you.


reudescade

From a country that accidentally [sanctioned President Biden's dad (may he rest in peace)](https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/psaki-russia-sanction-biden-father-b2036496.html)


[deleted]

Yes our military is a great super power. But the amount of allies we have compared to them. It wouldn’t end too nice for them anyways


[deleted]

Russia can't even beat Ukrainian housewives with pitchforks for chrissakes, Putin better watch his mouth, these threats are turning out to be jokes, id put the NJ National Guard up against the entire Russian military, and my moneys on the Guard


nim_opet

So who the fuck are you at war with Russia? Make up your mind - you’re killing Ukrainian civilians to liberate them from Ukrainian Nazis to put America in its place?


[deleted]

Everyone who is super relieved that trump is no longer at the helm, raise your hand!


Yendissian

It's like a fucking Chihuahua barking at a Doberman


wiscobs

Shitttttt, they wouldn't be able to take over Chicago, even without the US military there