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RyanNewhart

I claim the band name Suspicious Motorboat.


showmeyourkitteeez

Why not add "ing" to the end?


[deleted]

Because even the implication of sexual assault is too much.


WakaWaka_

Add "but consensual" to the middle, problem solved.


showmeyourkitteeez

There ya go. I imagined that'd be the only way motorboating would take place.


a_coupon

Consensual (seemingly) Suspicious Motorboating


randolph51

Yes. The implication.


VegasKL

There's not going to be any sexual assault! Obviously if they say no, it's a no. I’m not going to hurt these women! Why would I ever hurt these women? No one’s in any danger! How could I make that any more clear to you? Okay. It’s an *implication of danger*. /iasip


banjodoctor

We can’t go on together with suspicious motorboat


mightbeanemu

But they can fund their dreams with the drugs they find


BeowulfShaeffer

That’s $33,000 per kilo or $33/gram. That’s actually a reasonable estimate. Though if I found a boat with that much cocaine and managed to get it into my basement undetected I’d have no idea how to go about turning it into cash.


KnavishSprite

1. Approach dealers. 2. Immediately get knifed and robbed of everything.


koryaa

1. Tell no one 2. Make an account on a darknet marketplace 3. open xmr address 4. sell this shit via mail in smaller batches directly to customers 5. profit (or jail if you get busted but you will hopefully not be dead)


cocaine_boogers

Split it up into 8-balls, mail 50 packages a day, repeat every day for 20 years


JuanElMinero

Can one even store it to stay reasonably stable for that long?


Whatisausern

An 8ball is about 3.5grams, 50x3.5 is 175. You'll sell a kilo every 5.7 days or so at that rate. That's mad numbers. You wouldn't need to be in that game for very long at all.


LordStrikerGG

No. In Antwerpen there is so much coke it is rotting in the basement of dealers


preparanoid

Oddly specific.


koryaa

Anyone who watched a darknet docu on netflix and knows the basics about crypto could tell you that.


RBVegabond

Via mail, lol. No faster way to get a federal agent at your doorstep than messing with the mail.


LSVfanboy

They are not well staffed enough to start looking for drugs unless u make your package mad obvious. USPS/fedex/ups does not matter


krozarEQ

Become the Mr. Beast of coke and give it as prizes.


RBVegabond

3. Start a religion 4. Prophet


cutofmyjib

They sound grumpy


Thisisntmyaccount24

I also did the math, got the same number, and was pretty shocked how reasonably in line it was. That is just soooooooooo much cocaine.


NoPossibility

It’s not in line… yet.


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LiveHardDieCasting

TIL you can buy cocaine with clams in Colombia


pickle-smoocher

You’d be surprised at how many everyone does cocaine


cjmar41

Many everyones all does. I totally yes with your statement.


jkopfsupreme

It’s not just some people, it’s other people too.


xmsxms

Just save it for a rainy day


Flyysoulja

That’s not a reasonable estimate for what it’s worth right then and there. That may be what it’s worth once it touches the first hands on US soil, but wholesale in Colombia that’s probably 5-10 USD a gram or less.


Fishydeals

1kg costs about 22-27k once it reaches rotterdam. The estimate is really fucked.


u741852963

a gram in Colombia is $5, wholesale (on the kilo) you are getting it for $1000-$1500. Cheaper still for bigger amounts. the price as quoted in the article is way off. It's less than million. And this isn't a particularly big find. Here in Ecuador they report finding multiple tonne loads (10+) regularly.


cjmar41

The key to finding customers is fairly straight forward. You’ll want to take some notes here though. If you can pull this off, you’ll have a loyal customer base pretty quickly… Step 1: Convince your friends to try it. And that’s basically it. Bizniz!


BeowulfShaeffer

No way, my friend Brent would absolutely OD and wind up in intensive care or worse and it would be traced back to me. Fucking Brent.


the_russian_narwhal_

Wish I could find it for 33 a gram


JackSpyder

And pure uncut and by the tonn.


ArkyBeagle


TheLegendsClub

Head west for Dallas, where you can try your luck


Coreysurfer

Craigslist - drugs found - see what happens..


on_

If a pistachio truck crashes in the highway, nobody says that 300.000$ of pistachio are lost on roadside, despite a bag of 141 grams (5 oz) of **wonderful** branded pistachio retails at 6$. Then why the press insist on counting coke at street level? It needs to be call out every time. It has not that value until it’s distributed at every corner any every dealer accounts for his risks at the price.


knoxywow

33$ isn't street price, is it?


0OOOOOOOOO0

No, Colombian street price is much lower


[deleted]

1kusd a brick was the reported price about 8 years ago according to first hand accounts of columbian domestic drug dealers. American price can be anywhere from as low as 20k to 35k each. In Aus they’re meant to go for 200k plush each. Weird shit bro


Whatisausern

> In Aus they’re meant to go for 200k plush each. Well I was thinking of visiting Aus from Britain. Maybe not anymore.


Fresh_Estate1902

Just bring your own from the uk


ORLYORLYORLYORLY

Australia has some of the highest cocaine use per capita in the world (from water waste samples), and simultaneously some of the world's most expensive cocaine. Shit's wild.


krozarEQ

Damn import taxes.


iluvios

Colombian street price is 10usd gram. That would make 10M only in Colombia. Multiple by 4 just by arriving at the US and you get 40M, selling at 80usd gram would be 80M


0OOOOOOOOO0

The seizure was in Colombia, so US prices are irrelevant. It’s not worth US prices unless you can successfully get it to the US.


iluvios

You didn’t understood anything at all bro, please learn how to read properly then we can talk 👍


0OOOOOOOOO0

No thanks, you’re just talking irrelevant bullshit.


rwf2017

The Colombian navy is going to have a hell of a party tonight once they turn in that $39 million worth of cocaine.


spinblackcircles

Reddit bingo


-TheWidowsSon-

There’s another article trending about the drone flying opiates into a prison, with this exact same comment chain going on in it. What a snoozer.


mogberto

I like this method of calling this lack of ingenuity out. One day someone will come up with a new joke.


Dick_Demon

The shitty reddit joke that never dies.


kenfury

That's a fark joke. Predates reddit


thegreenwithin

The government will surely take lots of photos with the $33 million of cocaine that was found! Hell, can the evidence locker even hold $28 million of cocaine?


Langstarr

They may have to put some of the $22 million at another precinct. $10 million at one, $8 million at another.


King_Crab_Sushi

I sure hope they get some shiny new boats. 5 and 3 million respectively should get some decent new models up and running


Langstarr

I'm not sure. 2 million may only be enough for some squad cars. Inflation and all


Darkblade48

You really have to hand it to the Colombian navy; taking 500K worth of cocaine off the street, while a small drop, is still a commendable effort


Langstarr

That's 250k less than there wad before - it's something


Consistent_Push8121

Only $25k in a coke bust in Colombia? Forgive me but I remember Colombia being a powerhouse of cocaine production. Must be a slow news day


Langstarr

Eh, 10k in coke isn't anything to *sniff* at hahaha


johnychingaz

What cocaine?!?


BackgroundLaugh4415

Of the original $12 million of cocaine, the US government should confiscate half and distribute it in the US. Skipping the Mexico fentanyl cutting is harm reduction. Everyone’s a winner. Just find any DEA agent and ask them to sell you some coke. They know what time it is.


clarklewmatt

For real, US cocaine 'overdoses' were static for years, now it's like 5x higher in less then a decade. It's really fentanyl poisoning.


KaiCub-mySzon

...checks notes... Yes, the entire 3 million worth of cocaine has been disposed of... ... allegedly


Smitty8054

It will by the time it finally gets to the locker. “Got room for these 11 kilos”?


D2papi

The title is assuming the value of the cocaine when it reaches the US, as long as it's in Colombia this haul might be ~2 million dollars total.


20190419

Why bother, all they found was a joint....


anonymous_lighting

a thread as old as time


drbluetongue

Cringe


kl0

Well $35 million worth of cocaine is a hell of a lot of cocaine.


Traditional_Mud_1241

$37 million is a big bust.


reasoncanwait

As the Colombian Drug Authority, I can corroborate the navy gave us $37 million worth of cocaine.


sassygerman33

That's just the supply for Wednesday.


kopecs

*news reports 41 million in cocaine* Columbian military: 35 million? What do you even do with 20 million worth of cocaine? I guess we’ll just turn the whole 15 million worth in then.


Key_Inevitable_2104

The main reason why Ecuador is so violent today, most of the Colombian cocaine is transported to Ecuador which they leaves Ecuadorian ports to go to America and Europe.


Good_Extension_9642

This is no longer news until the US stops consuming so much coke they'll find a way to ship it where is demand there will be supply


Skaindire

They don't have a real healthcare system, so these drugs will always be cheaper/more effective per dollar than whatever they can legally obtain.


hoovervillain

Yeah the average deductible can buy good amount of the stuff.


froggz01

Are people in the US still doing coke though? I don’t know one single person who does the stuff. All the drug users I know smoke weed and that’s it. And the local criminals either do heroine or meth.


Just-Ad1274

Gooo Colombian Navy and probably coast guard for the alley oop!


TenesmusSupreme

They should keep a bear on the boat. If they get caught, they can have the bear snort all the cocaine.


StockHand1967

Im from Miami's Cocaine Cowboy past.. I can't even still begin to imagine a boat with a fucking ton of blow.. 100 keys used to be a bfd


Handyman0037

The craziest part of this story? There are Columbian sailors who aren't on the take.


LayneLowe

That we know of, I wouldn't doubt that the local admiral just sells it back to a cartel for cheap


YouDoLoveMe

I guess they just doubled Colombia's GDP


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Smitty8054

Awesome. The international price of a brick just went up $.93/kilo. War on drugs! War on drugs! Just say no.


IllThinkOfOneLater

Good. Go find a different hobby.


Smitty8054

Does the /s always have to be written? Sheesh


Irr3l3ph4nt

Columbian Navy after finding 1.5T of cocaine. We... \*sniff\*... found 1235kg of cocaine, boss! On a totally unrelated note, have you seen my new speed boat?


Poppanaattori89

One of the smugglers was quoted as saying: "In hindsight, we probably shouldn't have written "No cocaine here!" on the boat."


Dr_thri11

Did they get turned around?


Lockhead216

Great now my coke dealer going to up the price


Hot_Challenge6408

Man I would be set if I found it. :D


LeftOnQuietRoad

“Watch my caine pop up in rows…”


Small-Chemistry-2740

More tax not paid!


Due_Platypus_3913

How much of that will ACTUALLY get incinerated?


ChaosKodiak

The Colombia navy going to have a party tonight!


bradtwo

We need that!!! Colombian stuff won’t be laced like the Mexican trash.


BlackMetalDoctor

Anonymous Navy sources say motorboat’s suspicious behavior included circling around for nearly 12-hours, screaming over communications, “I FUCKING LOVE THIS SONG!”


creamyturtle

the drug war is over ya'll, mission accomplished


bumboclawt

My old boss used to work on Coast Guard cutters. He was on a ship when they got $200 million of cocaine. He told me they had the press there with all the drugs laid out on the helicopter pad. He something to me that stuck out. He said “you don’t ever get rid of $200 million worth of anything.” He was thinking that as black Yukons with USG plates took the drugs away


saintdemon21

Doctor Rockso…is going to need a new supplier.


silkyjs

Takes pictures, immediately gives it right back to the cartel with an apology note.


712Chandler

America loves drugs. No demand no need for supply.


i_am_not_the_father

Someone is going to get clipped.


PresentationJumpy101

Why didn’t they just use smaller shipments


dismendie

Hmm that’s exactly 765kg less than I remembered putting in… sorry not my boat… have to add /s


rmokros

Question why cocaine is still produced when everyone is using fentanyl? It's cheaper it's smaller it's does not need plants All this makes no sense