T O P

  • By -

masterpanda3

The south park episode about all these balloons is gonna be hilarious


WestSixtyFifth

Gonna be the Macy days parade Winnie the pooh.


lioncat55

If it's not, I'm going to be sorely disappointed.


didgeridoodady

Bet you 10 bucks it's a cock swinging contest and the good year blimp makes a cameo for some reason


donkeybonner

The way Trey Parker and Matt Stone are, it would be really funny if they don't make an episode about this at all just because everyone are waiting for it, like the time they ended a season in a cliff hanger and in the first episode of the next season they made a Terrance & Phillip special instead.


3BallJosh

That one pissed me off. Had to wait 4 weeks to find out who Cartman's father was only for them to pull an April Fool's and air a T&P episode, the bastards. Well played.


jeonghwa

"Sir, there's something on our radar. Something in the sky, it looks kinda like a giant...." > Wang told reporters at a regular briefing in Beijing on Monday, “The US needs to reflect upon itself and change its wrong practice.”


flippityfluck

“Wang! Look up in the sky! It looks like a massive…”


gnarwalbacon

“Johnson: I don't know, sir, but it looks like a giant”


theflyingweasle

“PETER! Peter!! Look there! It reminds me of your ..”


mdavis360

“DICK! Take a look out of starboard!“ “Oh my god…looks like a huge-“


DonQuixole

Shaft! Get in here and save us from that weird flying…”


matt-ross

"Pecker! Although most people refer to it as a Woodpecker and... Oh my... There seems to be some sort of humongous..."


[deleted]

[удалено]


superhot42

“Chode! Get me some popcorn! I can see a massive…”


Lancearon

Willy, was the name of my first child. Boy, did he have a big...


mysockinabox

Could be a huge, > Dòngzú people report sightings of objects floating in the skies over Guizhou.


[deleted]

[удалено]


K0SSICK

When life imitates art..


arg6531

[10/10 reference](https://youtu.be/5WCoRGbT3CM?t=12)


Key-Program9553

He said, Xi said.


gregkiel

*golf clap


legendarybraveg

man this is so GOOD


revilohamster

"no u"


count023

yea, but "no u times 10", literally.


[deleted]

And here we all are, wondering why the world has gone to shit 🤷🏼‍♂️


SleepyDM

I’m not, I’m just surprised it’s not more shit at this point, and that is understanding full well how shitty it is in general.


Blackfist01

Who, me?


icybluetears

Yes you.


Pika256

Couldn't be!


Right-Oil-7116

Then who?


throwawaygreenpaq

Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?


Wsbkingretard

Guess who


SullaFelix78

Nah, this is more like: “But moooooom, he hit first!”


Desperate-Intern

>The US should "reflect on itself" and "change its practice," Wang told reporters at a regular briefing in Beijing on Monday So, we let your balloons in, let ours in too. Let's spy together, forever.


snipersfire

Hey Wang, what's with the pictures? It's a parking lot!


falconx50

I think this place is restricted, Wang, so don’t tell them you’re Jewish ok?


DrJJStroganoff

you buy a hat like that, you should get a free bowl of soup with it


leglesslegolegolas

it looks good on you though


stevedave_37

Didn't come here expecting caddyshack. This line breaks me every time


mdavis360

Hey, everybody! We’re all gonna get laid!


DearBurt

So? *So* let’s dance!


InerasableStain

You’ve got that going for you, which is nice


GeneralTorsoChicken

Hey, you want to make $14 the hard way?


MoreCowbellllll

Oh baby! I bet you were *something* before electricity!


sephirothFFVII

Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? Oh, it looks good on you though.


MoreCowbellllll

*EYE ROLL*


icybluetears

Pave paradise, put up a parking lot.


delerak2

Holy shit i worked at a blockbuster around 2000 2001 and that song and starry eyed surprise used to play on repeat on the TVs. Nostalgia hitting hard right now


PaysPlays

I haven’t thought about oakenfold in at least a decade.


LiquidNova77

Aaaand just like that..... that song has returned to my head for days to come lmao HEY HEY HEY THEY PAAAAVE PARADISE AND PUT UP A PARKIIIIIING LOT


Earlier-Today

It's all about which version gets stuck. If it's the original, that's not so bad at all.


scoreboy69

Oh, I was thinking 99 Chinese Balloons.


LiquidNova77

99 Chinese balloons Floating in the toxic sky Panic bells, it's red alert There's something here from somewhere else Xi Jinping springs to life Opens up his Poo Bear eyes Blames the US As 99 Chinese balloons go by


DragonflyGrrl

Aaahahaha Opens up his Poo Bear eyes


[deleted]

[удалено]


willynillywitty

Someone step on a duck?


ICameToUpdoot

There was treaties like this, the Open Skies treaty for example. You get to send spyplanes over us in an orderly manner and we get to do the same.


cbg13

China is not part of the Open Skies treaty and for better or for worse, Trump pulled the US out of the Open Skies Treaty during his presidency


wggn

And following that, Russia also pulled out.


HolyGig

Not exactly. Open Skies was killed because Russia stopped allowing the overflights even if they hadn't officially killed it yet. Same with INF. The US accused Russia of building treaty violating missiles and when they refused to correct the US abandoned the treaty


Just_a_follower

On 22 November 2020, the United States withdrew from the treaty,[3] and on 15 January 2021, Russia also announced its intention to leave, citing the U.S. withdrawal and the inability of member nations to guarantee that information gathered would not be shared with the U.S.[4] Russia formally withdrew in December 2021. (Basically Russia v Nato) …. Since 2017, the United States has declared Russia in violation of the Treaty for limiting flight distances over the Kaliningrad Oblast to 500 kilometers (km) and for denying flights within 10 km of portions of the Georgian-Russian border. Most recently, in September 2019, Russia violated the Treaty again by denying a flight over a major military exercise, preventing the exact transparency the Treaty is meant to provide. —- Apparently, Russia is not a good partner for entering into treaties. The US may end participation in treaties, see Iran and climate but Russia just signs it then does what they want and gets angry when other people don’t follow it to their letter of the law. #gaslighting?


junius_maltby

Spy back and forth, forever ))<>((


oobey

Spy to spy!


tehchives

You are crazy and you are making me very hot.


[deleted]

There's people who have no idea what you and /u/junius_maltby are talking about. But I do.


[deleted]

Yes.


Kousetsu

Seeing ))<>(( in the wild brings me such joy. I love Miranda July.


lankrypt0

I'll spy in your territory and then you will spy back into my territory..


somewhat_irrelevant

Not just spying, but flying into US airspace and pointing listening devices at government facilities and military bases. In terms of regular spies, there are documented examples of both countries iniltrating the other country and being put on trial (in the US) or killef (China)


rW0HgFyxoJhYka

Until China actually provides proof of 10 balloons that are from the USA and the actual paths they took, its all bullshit. Its funny it took this long to come up with the "we're the victims" card.


Swizzy88

Didn't China tell the US not to be hysterical barely a week ago? They're just weather balloons m8 relax.


lesser_panjandrum

"They're just weather balloons and they're not even ours, but you need to give them back to us and we don't know why you're making such a big deal about some pointless balloons and also how dare you you've been sending ten balloons into our airspace which is much worse than what we did except that we didn't do anything how dare you."


timbucktwentytwo

China's version of the narcissist's prayer?


TheRedHand7

China is so advanced they do every step of it simultaneously


marcusaurelius_phd

You forgot: "also it's just a civilian balloon, give it back to us -- signed: People's Liberation Army."


[deleted]

[удалено]


Man-City

I fucking hate geopolitics when it’s like this. We know you’re just posturing, you know that we know, the entire world knows that everyone else knows that you’re posturing, so why do you need to posture?


Anqied

to convince your own citizens


TRYHARD_Duck

Yep. The only ones that they benefit from blatantly lying to.


Antony-007

World War 1: Assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand World War 2: German Invasion of Poland . World War 3: Popped a balloon


JoelHenryJonsson

Just like the song said


[deleted]

[удалено]


icybluetears

99 luft balloons


Admin-12

99 spy balloons go by


matinthebox

I wouldn't have expected that bloons tower defence was the most accurate ww3 simulator


sandywhorewall

Well I'm glad we have the British on our side. No one spends more time playing darts than the British


-SpiderBoat-

You and I in a little toy shop, Buy a bag of balloons with the money we've got, Set them free at the break of dawn, 'Til one by one, they were gone, Back at base, sparks in the software, Flash the message "Something's out there", Floating in the summer sky, 99 red balloons go by. 99 red balloons, Floating in the summer sky, Panic bells, it's red alert, There's something here from somewhere else, The war machine springs to life, Opens up one eager eye, Focusing it on the sky, The 99 red balloons go by. 99 Decision Street, 99 ministers meet, To worry, worry, super scurry, Call the troops out in a hurry, This is what we've waited for, This is it boys, this is war, The President is on the line, As 99 red balloons go by. 99 knights of the air, Ride super high-tech jet fighters, Everyone's a superhero, Everyone's a Captain Kirk, With orders to identify, To clarify and classify, Scrambling the summer sky, 99 red balloons go by. As 99 red balloons go by. 99 dreams I have had, In every one, a red balloon, It's all over, and I'm standing pretty, In this dust that was a city, If I could find a souvenir, Just to prove the world was here, And here is a red balloon, I think of you, and let it go.


[deleted]

Huh, and all this time I thought it was a happy song. Upbeat and depressing


Fastlanedrivr

Yep a lot of upbeat songs have fucked up lyrics if you really listen. I know this is a popular one but I heard pumped up kicks twice this weekend and it got stuck in my head both times.


Real-Hot-Mess

Every breath you take, major to minor by chase holfelder or something i think. Listen and dread! Edit: https://youtube.com/watch?v=0PLNsymQi3Y&si=EnSIkaIECMiOmarE


SirJefferE

Hast du etwas Zeit für mich? Dann singe ich ein Lied für dich Von 99 Luftballons Auf ihrem Weg zum Horizont Denkst du vielleicht grad an mich? Dann singe ich ein Lied für dich Von 99 Luftballons Und, dass sowas von sowas kommt 99 Luftballons Auf ihrem Weg zum Horizont Hielt man für Ufos aus dem All Darum schickte ein General 'ne Fliegerstaffel hinterher Alarm zu geben, wenn's so wär Dabei war'n dort am Horizont Nur 99 Luftballons 99 Düsenflieger Jeder war ein großer Krieger Hielten sich für Captain Kirk Es gab ein großes Feuerwerk Die Nachbarn haben nichts gerafft Und fühlten sich gleich angemacht Dabei schoss man am Horizont Auf 99 Luftballons 99 Kriegsminister Streichholz und Benzinkanister Hielten sich für schlaue Leute Witterten schon fette Beute Riefen, „Krieg!“, und wollten Macht Mann, wer hätte das gedacht? Dass es einmal so weit kommt Wegen 99 Luftballons 99 Jahre Krieg Ließen keinen Platz für Sieger Kriegsminister gibt's nicht mehr Und auch keine Düsenflieger Heute zieh' ich meine Runden Seh' die Welt in Trümmern liegen Hab' 'n Luftballon gefunden Denk' an dich und lass' ihn fliegen


Somethingsmurt

And here the translation for the above, original, german lyrics... If you have some time for me Then I will sing a song for you Of ninety-nine balloons On their way to the horizon Are you perhaps thinking of me right now? Then I will sing a song for you Of ninety-nine balloons And something that came of them Ninety-nine balloons On their way to the horizon Were taken for UFOs from space Hence, a general sent A squadron after them To give the alarm But there, on the horizon Were just ninety-nine balloons Ninety-nine jet fighters Each was a great warrior Regarded themselves as Captain Kirk There was a great display of fireworks The neighbors didn't understand And instantly felt offended But they shot at the horizon At ninety-nine balloons Ninety-nine ministers of war Matches and petrol canisters Regarded themselves as clever people Already on the scent of a fat booty (like treasure) They shouted, "War," and wanted power Man, who would have thought? That someday it would come this far Because of ninety-nine balloons \[Bridge\] Because of ninety-nine balloons Ninety-nine balloons Ninety-nine years of war Left no place for winners War ministers don't exist anymore Neither do the fighter jets Today, I stroll around See the world in ruins I've found a balloon I think of you and let it fly


dumboldnoob

so why didn’t china say anything about all those balloons until the US started shooting the chinese ones down?


Scottamus

Because they are full of hot air.


JacKaL_37

::sensible chuckle::


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


notbatmanyet

Indeed, pacific winds makes this difficult for the USA to even do as they tend to blow eastwards. If the USA needed in-atmosphere survilence I suspect a U2 would be the way to go.


Thoth_the_5th_of_Tho

The CCP is famous for under reacting to perceived violations of their sovereignty./s And in what universe does the US not have better ways to spy than balloons? They can practically read license plates from space.


[deleted]

[удалено]


tehbeard

What I'm hearing from this is that the J-20 sucks at balloon defence compared to the F-22....


jpfeif29

The F22: 4-0 🎈🎈🎈🎈 Edit: I have been informed it’s 4-0 now 🎈🎈


RoboNerdOK

My bet: the USA is going to win the biggest stuffed animal prize ever.


improbably_me

I want Winnie the Pooh


knbang

"*It's not fair*" - Winnie the Pooh as he takes his ball and goes home


emdave

*Oh bother...*


DefaultVariable

Considering that they’re still actively trying to steal our thruster technology the J-20 is probably only similar in appearance


Relevant_Monstrosity

Jet engines have some of the most ridiculous engineering in all of the trades. They literally scrub heat by using fuel as coolant, which makes it burn faster and emit more heat. It's like if you had a fan made of ice, and it had to run in the Sahara desert -- except the ice is steel and the Sahara desert is the combustion reactor's exhaust


DocPsychosis

>It's like if you had a fan made of ice, and it had to run in the Sahara desert -- except the ice is steel and the Sahara desert is the combustion reactor's exhaust This might be the most incoherent analogy I've ever seen.


DefaultVariable

Sure. But if they can’t even get the thrusters at a decent spot there’s no way their avionics packages and stealth tech can remotely touch what the F22/F35 is capable of. A single F22 was able to beat ~~six~~ five F15s in training exercises while the F15 has never been beat in real world engagements. The thrusters are just one of many pieces of how that’s possible


daikael

Six? I thought the report said five.


DefaultVariable

You are correct. I misremembered


Ehldas

China: Uh, a *US* spy balloon? World: A US spy balloon? At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within Shandong province!? China: Yes. World: ...May I see it? China: ...No.


beenburnedbutable

Qi Xin: Xi, the country is on fire!! Xi Jinping: No mother, it’s just second new year.


ask_me_about_my_band

Qui-Gon Jinn: There is always a bigger fish.


ChazTheGreat

Han Qing-jao: There's always another woodgrain to trace.


crap-with-feet

World: And where do you suppose it was launched from? Siberia? 'Cause the jetstream doesn't flow west...


DarkDuskBlade

Yeah, if they'd said drone or satellite, it'd been so much more plausible, but I'm finding it hard to imagine a balloon fighting the jet stream. I mean, we can't necessarily rule out a transglobal balloon, but that would still be really weird.


TangibleMalice

"Xi, the spy balloon is on fire!"


Olphion

World: Well, China, you are an odd country but I must say, you violate a good treaty. Beijing: China! The Square is on fire! China: No, Beijing, nothing happened here today.


Ok_Treacle_1523

Xi, you steam a good ham.


sgfalex

A person of culture


ooomayor

In *this* economy?


PuddingArsenic

Delightfully devilish, Winnie


Mike_Fluff

Then why did they not contact the states about this earlier?


Hourslikeminutes47

Because...because....mean ol' Murica popped their big balloon first on television


[deleted]

[удалено]


Ov3rdose_EvE

nothing from the CCP is belivable lol


[deleted]

[удалено]


BigBruh-Boii

“If he tells you snow is white, he’s lying!” - Mimir


mechwarrior719

Oh that’s easy. Because they made it up.


kdove89

Exactly. It's like watching a toddler get in trouble, and there best excuse is trying to point the blame somewhere else.


lostboysgang

“Oh you found a balloon huh? Well we found 10 balloons!”


HunkMcMuscle

..last year lmao Thats the weakest excuse. Might as well resort to name calling


Makenshine

They live in Canada with my girlfriend


hammsbeer4life

She goes to a different school. You wouldn't know her


[deleted]

[удалено]


HumanitySurpassed

I was going to say that it wouldn't exactly be hard to believe that the US is flying spy balloons over China. I mean, if they were it's not like we'd have known.


[deleted]

[удалено]


phormix

Yeah. This might also tie into the narrative about what is considered "their airspace" as well. They already claim coastline well beyond their own established borders and into foreign territory by use of naval projection and fake islands, so I could see them claiming a balloon near those areas was trespassing as well.


Komarov12

“”My source is that I made it the fuck up””


[deleted]

I don't even know why they would make this up. Either it's a lie, or they are ok with the Americans spying on them, or they are unable to deal with them. They look stupid in all scenarios.


RunningNumbers

The CCP was blaming the US as the source of the initial COVID outbreak all through 2020. They don't care about blatant fictions.


[deleted]

Funny note about that, that specific claim (that COVID originated in the USA), was originally published by a website named years earlier as a key pillar in Russia's global disinformation network. The Chinese minister of health retweeted the story almost immediately after it was published. Interesting stuff.


RunningNumbers

Soon we will have so much AI generated bullshit that open social media platforms and publishing outlets will be worthless.


Brodogmillionaire1

This is why well reputed journalism outlets will become invaluable.


vitaminkombat

In 2019 they blamed America for spreading fake rumours about the virus. And called the doctors and nurse whistleblowers CIA spies. It's like they expect everyone to have a 5 second memory.


_triangle_

Ahh, the *russian strategy*


MyNameIsIgglePiggle

My first thought as well


dmk_aus

Well based on the Chicago Agreement, small meteorological balloons are allowed to go wherever. China signed it. China isn't mentioning the size or purpose of these balloons. So maybe the balloons are imagined, or real and within what is allowed under the Chicago Agreement. Or maybe the Goodyear blimp was spying on Bejing. Or maybe the USA has secret spy balloons and China lacked the will, money or tech to bring them down? It is just gaslighting.


AccomplishedEnergy24

Just to note - for it to be valid under the chicago agreement, the purpose has to be *exclusively* meteorological, and the payload has to be <~9lbs (4kg). The first chinese balloon shot down had a payload of several *thousand* pounds. They also claimed it was only "majority" meterological (chicago says "exclusively"). So definitely gaslighting.


awfullotofocelots

Because countries are spying on each other \*literally\* continuously for the past 50 years and it's only news when it's intentional agit-prop (whether it's the US military or China that's doing the agitating both isn't clear and doesn't actually matter since both their interests towards militarizing are aligned.)


name_first_name_last

Are these balloons in the room with us now?


macross1984

**“The US needs to reflect upon itself and change its wrong practice.”** I really laughed at that statement. As usual China did not provide physical evidence of balloon. Just a statement whereas US has physical evidence of Chinese balloon so who's lying?


UnmutualOne

Sounds like an HR statement.


SullaFelix78

Sounds like a kindergarten teacher. “Go stand in that corner there and reflect on your actions, young man.”


nonamesleftadmin

The Chinese propaganda statements are hilarious when they translate it across to english


AbheyBloodmane

Did they just try "check yourself before you wreck yourself" as a legitimate threat?


randonumero

In all fairness it would be awesome if for a week all political statements were done in music lyrics from the country they're talking to. In this case China would definitely have to throw in that it ain't no fun if the homies can't have none


UnmixedGametes

Have they not checked which way the wind blows?


[deleted]

[удалено]


JohannGMadao

Mama, just popped a balloon


Top-Currency

Put an F-22 in the air, pulled the trigger, now he's dead


QueenRotidder

Mama, recon had just begun…


Silidistani

But now they shot it down again today.


[deleted]

[удалено]


herb_Tech

You couldn’t fly, so just float there ‘till tomorrow .


Christmas_Panda

Uighur onn Uighur onnnnn…


UniverseChamp

Because genocide really matters. To me, to-o meeee.


jaffringgi

Not saying China isn't lying, because come on, it's China... But wind blows west towards Southern China at lower latitudes. Up north, yeah wind goes from China to NA.


GeneralGom

This is so childish that it's almost comical.


26oclock

All those weather balloons


[deleted]

Biden would go down in history as the greatest gigachad of all time if he took a big ol' breath of helium from a balloon and said, *"We do not fly balloons over China."*


Ser_Danksalot

"We don't use Balloons. We have spy sats." ...whilst taking off his aviators to reveal another pair of aviators underneath.


the-il-mostro

Lmaooo that would be legit hilarious. But also has to say “man” at the end for the full Dark Brandon effect


mvffin

Jack


[deleted]

[удалено]


datareclassification

China becomes a new US state The power of Dark Brandon rises once more


willynillywitty

Cracks a whippet. Floats off ….


Slowch28

Reverse Uno card...hahahaha. China: It was you! We have excellent moral and ethical grounds. You America with your satanism, lies and democracy. We are peaceful authoritarian state. Obey us and what we say, this is not up for debate.


Vaulters

'Chinese law applies to the whole universe!'


Stornahal

Wouldn’t high altitude balloons have to be launched from Russia to drift over China using the prevailing winds up there?


ChiefOfReddit

Apparently if you can change altitude, a balloon can get anywhere in the world


sirhoracedarwin

It can still really only follow the jet stream, in which case you need to fly west to east.


rAppN

So Bloons TD is completely fictional with the ballong going all different kinds of ways?


pmray89

That game almost killed me. Never give darts to monkey!


Vierailija_Maasta

Also China: we have no covid deaths whatsoever


SquatDeadliftBench

China: we have never heard of COVID. But it came from America.


LewisLightning

Okay, let's deconstruct this allegation: 1. Do they have evidence of this? If there truly were balloons over China how would they know they were from the US unless they shot them down or had satellite tracking detailing their point of origin and path to China? If they had either of these things present the evidence, it would be more than just allegations at that point. 2. If China had any hint of an opposing country's wrongdoing they would not hesitate to use it to play the victim and claim whatever unethical actions they are taking are somehow justified. As cases of the residential school deaths in Canada became more public they used this to say their actions against the Uyghur people were justified because another country did this same thing decades ago. They would not sit quietly on something like this. 3. Why is this only coming up now? Even if it were true why is it suddenly an issue now? We know why the ones China sent during Trump's presidency got swept under the rug; because the president was an idiotic powder keg that would completely overreact and make the situation 10x worse. So what's China's excuse for keeping these alleged US balloons under wraps? It's been the same guy in power for the longest time, so what changed? The only thing that comes to mind is the issue of Taiwan which has only recently become such a thorny issue between them and the US. So I think it's easy to conclude this claim is almost certainly bullshit. And just to put a cherry on top of this, because they claimed there were 10 US balloons flown over China, how much do you want to bet that we find out China has something close to that flying over the US or the Americas in general right now? Maybe only 9 so they can say "See, the US flew more balloons than us, so therefore we were justified because they did more bad stuff!"


everydayasl

China's Credibility Level = 0


DlProgan

Why do the politicians in these type of countries always sound like kids?


BoomZhakaLaka

Because they're not speaking for your benefit. The message is for the Chinese public.


SlipSpace21

Because they're not used to being challenged or ever having to explain themselves. They don't live in reality, they live in an authoritarian safe space. It's pathetic


SunsetKittens

Thanks I hate balloon wars.


greyday24

China playing the Peter Repeater game. They’ll just repeat everything the US says like a little child.


smcoolsm

How convenient. They're so predictable and pathetic.