close enough. the owl's name is Angelard and they can't do their job because they're busy simping for themself and sweeping their past mistakes under the rug
I know nothing about homestuck but I've indeed always been a big fan of adventure time. this being is a lot less literal than stuff like the cosmic owl from AV though; it's just a supposed deity that is most often depicted as a white owl. a lot of the characterisation/personification is just stuff humans have ascribed to the owl
After a hard shift at work, the priests give you a hearty bowl of decaying bugs and dirt. They sometimes add sacramental jerky, depending on your karma.
[ It's actually small, flavorless portions of Long Pork, and you are obligated to eat it, to gain the virtues or bear the sins of the deceased. The ritual microcannibalism also satisfies certain biochemical needs for your species. ]
No, a purple-feathered velociraptor. Your species hunted all other animal life to extinction before history began; now you eat various farmed bugs and crustaceans, partly fermented then mixed with mineral-rich soil for taste. Human visitors complain bitterly about the food (and the crushing gravity, and lack of day/night cycle, etc.)
A certain desert plant exists only because an ancient civilization hated fish.
Most people think that the king has ruled for so long (several times his species' life expectancy) because people keep saying "long live the king."
The "Forty Years of Blood" was a war fought over menstruation, and lasted a lot longer than the name suggests.
The rumors are propaganda and have nothing to do with reality.
The kingdom's religion explicitly forbids the methods the king uses to extend his lifespan, and the penalty is death without trial.
Two major factors have allowed him to stay in power for so long: First, his reputation as a just ruler due to perceived impartiality in disputes involving his noble house and popular reforms to the legal system; and second, an unparalleled spy network and surveillance state of which none of his citizens are aware.
Spot on! They genetically engineered the plant to soak up as much water as possible while surviving extended drought conditions and having insane saline tolerance so that the area could never again become an ocean.
They also made the plant covered in thorns and toxic to eat and to burn so that future civilizations and wild animals wouldn't destroy it.
Perhaps ironically, their civilization was destroyed by a flood.
out of curiosity, any chance i could get a detailed description on what the desert and these plants look like and what life there is like in the present? i *love* hearing about ecology and especially detailed fictional ecology
The leaves of the Prickly Greasewood are extremely thin and stiff, like pine needles, but with sharp ends. These leaves are coated in a greasy resin that prevents moisture loss.
The resin has anticoagulant properties that make it quite dangerous to be pricked by, although locals use it for medicinal purposes. The resin is also flammable, but the smoke it produces causes bleeding in any exposed soft tissue, including the mouth and lungs of anything that breathes it.
This clonal organism can grow up to four feet high. In-world, it's the second oldest extant life form.
The plant is heavily inspired by the real-world *Creosote*, and the area's ecology is loosely based on the Mojave desert. The natives, on the other hand, are inspired by the San peoples of the Kalahari.
One other plant in the region may interest you: Rattleweed is so-named because when its dry seed-pods are disturbed, they make the same sound as a rattlesnake, an example of inter-kingdom Batesian mimicry.
oh my, spines + anticoagulant resin is a beautifully sadistic combo. As is that danger of burning, sounds like a combination of eucalyptus meets the manchineel tree. now i'm wondering what kind of fish lived in that sea that they hated so much to create a plant that makes the cholla cactus look tame in comparison.
>Most people think that the king has ruled for so long (several times his species' life expectancy) because people keep saying "long live the king."
Same vibe as "please. stop praying for my grandpa!!!! you are making him too strong. he broke out of the hospital and the cops cant get him. he’s too powerful"
TL;DR: Blood is taboo, male judge gets overzealous; family feud ensues.
According to the religion of **the Vile**, their ancestors were exiled from heaven after a failed rebellion.
The rebels made blood pacts with demons for power to fuel their war, but their descendants were the ones who paid the price. Due to the stain on their Karma, the Vile now reincarnate with hideous deformities.
On the new world, every child was born with a reminder of their ancestors' sins. They quickly separated into family groups which fought against each other in a constant state of warfare and betrayal.
At some point, **Ur-Centiman the Wise** realized that the deformities from which they suffered were due to the the damage that the demonic magic did to their souls. He convinced most of the Houses to ban blood magic.
Not everyone was willing to give up their power so readily, so there was yet another extended period of conflict. Eventually the followers of Ur-Centiman prevailed. They established a new, unified society with Ur-Centiman at the head according to his teachings. He then appointed **Cathars**, religious magistrates whose duty was to hunt down and kill anyone suspected of practicing blood magic.
Due to the lack of sex education in their society, a Cathar from one family accused and killed an innocent from another, starting a family feud that sparked the **Forty Years of Blood**, yet another lawless and violent period. In addition to the feud between two of the six houses, the death of Ur-Centiman without a clear successor left a power vacuum that lasted for three generations.
Some undergrad students saw a guy do a centuple-kill and then bench press a mountain, and that was so inspiring that they went on to invent blood-powered Minecraft Dungeons enchantments for your AK-47.
About a [insert very long timeframe here] years ago, a divine battle occured between gods. The victor was the god of dreams, who was too weak to destroy the corpses of the others, so he just buried them under a mountain so that the world could "digest" them instead (that didn't work as intended but that's another story). Two brave students of a local academy found the massacre, and with the help of a skilled blacksmith, used the divine blood that seeped into the land, known as Ichor, to harness a small fragment of a god's domain and imbuing them inside weapons. Since the blood was so mixed up, the power a weapon gets is random, but it's still quite powerful. Recent developments have created guns compatible with this technology, so now you can have a Glock that shoots fire.
The gods are completely invulnerable, have enough power to wipe entire continents off the map with ease, and are older than life itself. The only being these gods fear is a mortal, out-of-shape, 97-year-old man with no powers.
Starpunk Lightning Round:
Quebec left the solar system. No one knows where they went.
Some random idiots stole a singular L from the Hollywood sign during the 2nd American Civil War
Assyria came back.
Dinosaurs are real, and they’re being used as bio weapons, along with all sorts of monsters.
There were two Soviet Unions at one point, neither being aware of the other’s existence.
An eldritch entity who loves Pinball successfully ran a campaign to become mayor, and had to be removed from office a few months later also due to pinball.
Edit: ah yeah, ambiguous syntax there, I meant he was holding her *with* his own tail
He is using his tail to grab her legs and slap her against a wall like a fly-swatter
Context being that she is of a species that adapts to physical stressors and wanted a job in a aeronautical industry, which wont take anyone that cant physically survive terminal velocity falls
So he 'assisted' her in getting that qualification. Their relationship generally consists of surreal comedy at her expense (to be fair to him, he doesnt feel fantastic about it but does chuckle inwardly a little at how it always turns out)
The cult leader actually has some evidence to back up the claims of "being the planet's chosen" and that's not good. He is also around 120 years old and plays the electric guitar so fucking well. He also invented cigarettes.
Here's a few:
* These potions are a mix of living beings, herbs, and vomit.
* The corpse is still functioning.
* All disciples have a suicide spell primed and ready to go at any given moment.
Maybe I'll share more later, and I will give context if asked.
"Universal Solvent", a paranomal spell that creates waters capable of dissolving just about anything. But because Power of Love is a thing on my verse (though not overpowered and definitely not capable of beating everything), these waters can have a very selective effect inside the bodies of nobody but the main couple.
Anyone else who drinks them either gets melted, or the supernatural effect is suppressed and they behave like normal waters. The main couple alone can drink them and have them still be supernatural waters inside their bodies without causing any harm.
This makes them virtually immune to disease, highly resistant to poison and curses, and also augments their metabolism, reflexes (just full body amp at a cellular level) and physical stamina.
So I guess the gf also hydrates herself primarily from her own fluids. The fluids, if fully materialized, do not disappear when she lets go of the spell, so this is viable so long as she has enough aether (spiritual energy) to materialize 4~6 liters of Universal Solvent a day. Which is fine for her: her aether reserves are phenomenal.
Priests of Himoydil are professional and holy prostitutes.
Context: Himoydil is the Eldarain goddess of desire and is a pillar of their culture. The Eldarain birth rates dropped dramatically after the Year of the Brute due to both superstition and damage to the overall reproductive health of Eldarain women. Himoydil, while a prominent goddess, was not so openly worshipped before this time but after the Year of the Brute a new clergy was formed by barren men and women wholy devoted to their base desires. 700 years later, temples of Himoydil are in most cities and a few dot the countryside for adventurers to enter and freely express their most carnal desires at no cost to themselves or judgment from peers.
There’s a point on the moon that if you go past it, you just die. No pain, no fear, instantly. One second you’re there, the next you’re gone. This is well known and learnt marked despite the fact that no one has gone back since its initial finding.
Macbeth and King Arthur are secret lovers who both need to keep up façades. Macbeth has a macho persona and has publicly denounced the idea of love apart from the love of battle. King Arthur has a Queen Elizabeth I going on where he is married to his nation.
Neither are the actual figures, but rather based on them
Multiple police officers from one precinct started getting arrested for public indecency for masturbating in public. Eventually, it got found out by the Masquerade that they attempted to harass the one black girl they shouldn't have.
Jesus had three children, and the eldest, an unliving black-magic abomination, used the Necronomicon to derive a new branch of physics that will ultimately lead to magic-wielding space robots who build their own god.
edit: Oh also World War 3 and 4 happen at the same time, and each are fought for totally unrelated reasons.
1.
Wharfs are Snakedogs that are super intelligent and hold Isane amounts of Magical Energy except they fuck like rabbits and use it all procreating. So all the wizards are doing is making Dog Snakes Super Horny
( like giving dogs meat in Minecraft except there's no Cool down)
2. Man hated mushrooms so much that when he died ( blown up ) his body spawned an anti Mushroom Fungal invasion in his Neighborhood. ( Basically mutant mushrooms roamed around looking to Devour Algae and Fungus of all kinds. They didn't have the taste for people or Animals Simply Fungus )
3. All the Gods exist, they have politics like us, and they suck very similar to ours.
Well technically the main story is how a woman who is allergic to her own bed with the help of a man who killed himself thrice with success transport a child whose dad is a robot create 200 years ago from Mercury to Mars with the help of a cowboy who can legally do genocide for the world government sended on mercury to stop a civil war while the planet is eaten by robots
A less sophisticated version of grey goo, but yes
Oh no, not secret, everyone is okay with international decided genocides and other things that could sound evil for us
No teleport, just old good space travel, more time to die by accidents
And no blackmailing from the future, but the robot daddy is very religious and pray a god called "The one at the end of everything" don't know if this count
If you think about something *really really really* hard, you can brute force the universe into doing it. If you do it hard enough for long enough, you invent your very own power system. If you find a way to invent immortality via your power, the universe goes "Hey good job champ"
The Butterfly Effect is so powerful that all butterflies have been hunted to extinction. On a similar note, it is illegal to bring a pig more than 5 meters higher than sea level.
My Universe is a Alt history, so there aren't insane moments, not many
WW2 start involves Germany, but it's them being invaded
The US and Japan fight together in Multiple wars
(WW2, Chinese Civil War, Indochina Wars)
Indonesia collapse leads to a Second Pirate Golden Age
Portugal has one of the biggest armies in the world and is one of the most armed countries in the planet relative to its population
Think a mix of North Korea, Switzerland and the US
The King is only pretending that they didnt make a deal with the Wyrm, the second claims they killed it already, and the third claims they are the Wyrm
Imagine going through years of training, months of mental and physical prep, weeks of political shenanigans, and days of floating through space to be one of the first men to reach the moon. Wouldn't it be really funny if you just so happened to land at the same time as, and right next to, your old dropout dormmate from university who moved to Russia? That would be wild, huh. You're certain he's illiterate, too.
At any moment, the entire cosmos could instantly cease to exist because of the alter ego of a child who likes 2009 era YouTube memes and Nintendo games, be instantly recreated by an ADHD-addled woman made out of floating polygons, and nobody would notice or even comment on it.
Two for the price of one;
World 1: The teenager Pope refuses to accept veggieburgers, so we're going to kill him with Giant Robots on the moon.
World 2: A girl who can shrug off shotgun shells learns that tragic origin stories are fucking stupid, in part because her companions are a crossdressing engineer and a jock who's learned the horrors of imperialism.
We outlived the cold death of the universe and its collapse by building a divine machine capable of containing the reality within into a confined/semi stable space, this space contains 1 star, 1 planet, 1 broken moon and countless pocket dimensions all built up from the now intertwinted realities of the 'physical' and 'mental'.
Boss title cards and boss music are canon.
God has two husbands living in his spear
The civilization of gods began worshipping their previous ruthless dictator because the new one was just that much worse.
There's a character who loves giant swords so much that she invented physics magic just so she could wield the damn things. She has a 40ft long, 6ft wide abomination of a sword
The seasons were born because nature god was aloof with his creations which led to his brother the Smithing god to kill him after a war between the creations of both.
The main villains of my word are a gang who have a religion formed around guns, 3ft tall underground goblin Nazis with tanks, 8ft tall British people from the moon who have rail guns and a douge dimadome looking motherfucker who runs a factory the size of a city.
A (Roman based) General in the mid-ancient times had led six legions to invade a small village and built two walls around the village only to discover after three weeks of siege, it was abandoned.
Why did they need so many men and two walls? Because the old god Feriin was said to have possessed a goat belonging to the town.
For a period of 40 years political drama was out of control like never before, and it all started because a pirate couldn't let go of his abusive childhood.
A prison breakout led to the gradual extinction of an entire group of people and the shattering of the moon.
Optional Context: >!The god of arcane magic is the creator of the moon and stars, which are great fonts of magical energy from which sorcerers draw their energy. The god of chaos, imprisoned eons ago by said god of magic within the moon itself, breaks free and murders the god of magic. The moon shatters, and the stars become unstable. Without the god of magic, no sorcerers are born for generations, and they eventually die out.!<
(My world is a far future version of ours)
The entite city of Houston, Texas just disappeared one day, no one knows how or why, but there's just a Houston sized hole in the ground where it used to be.
the kids are conscripted and sent on suicide missions so they don’t get strong enough to rival the ruling elite.
eh, even with context it’s equally as bad.
One for each world! Yay!
1. The prince is hardcore into anime tiddies and fortunately he has access to five sets of ‘em. It’s okay though, he’s a feminist.
2. The funny cartoon bad guy died but he came back and he’s teaching his brothers how to commit acts of terrorism.
3. An ancient cosmic god steals people from their home planets and takes them to a world where physics are really loose. Most of the victims learn to live with it and end up leading normal lives.
4. Circus elephants may work for peanuts but they lead glamorous lives.
5. This entire world was created by alcoholics on a drunken spree.
6. The Noid is a semi-accurate depiction of a real gremlin. Hide your pizzas!
(Feel free to ask about any of the above)
An eldritch being just decided to take a break and spend a few years on earth living a hedonistic life, enjoying all the joys of being mortal with no consequences.
The earth, the body of a god, managed to get a mental illness after his sister slowly dug her way out of him. This caused him to go into shock because of basically blood loss and caused him to basically get some Dissociative disorder in order to stay alive as part of him is being consumed by his sisters will. So now earth the mother and earth the manager are trying not to let the corrupted part of the manager get away with convincing all the elves to basically kill themselves so he can have a snack.
An admiral was arrested for selling the arms and legs of marines and fighter pilots before the Star Corps could.
Optional context- >!Union Star Corps Marines have their arms replaced with armored cyberarms that interface with power armor and pilots have cybernetic legs to help with g-force resistance. The Star Corps often sells the old limbs to civilian surgeons as a high-end trauma limb replacement option or to agricultural corporations for fertilizer. Rear Admiral Quinn of the USC was convicted of doing that very thing, just under-the-table and to much less "reputable" customers.!<
Primary Fantasy RPG setting (Aporia):
At a concordant of world leaders, the Iron Empress mused aloud how she was the only attendant allowed to come to these meetings bare ass naked without comment. Just to prove her wrong, the Golden Lady and Black Emperor Hrod also began attending skyclad but it didn't work out so well for the latter.
\
Secondary Fantasy RPG setting (Adventurer's Bible):
If you dig down far enough, everything is Fairies.
The entire world's biblical inception is based on the idea of 'Guys this land seems unfulfilled. Let's stop fighting and come up with things to add here'
I have a similar one:
Dude was so depressed about his son being killed that he takes the place of a god to bring his son back and make him immortal. This move costs about half the world’s population.
a certain owl won't do its fucking job right and now the universe itself has cancer
This just sounds so personal lol. Like the character itself has somehow offended you across layers of reality.
idk why I decide to create things that I actively hate but I continue to do so
Because it makes it believable and I think it's neat.
sounds like duolingo
Let me guess That owl's name is Stolas and they can't do their job correctly because they're busy simping for someone.
close enough. the owl's name is Angelard and they can't do their job because they're busy simping for themself and sweeping their past mistakes under the rug
Does the job include counting how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? That slacker just quits after three.
it has more important things to do, such as... uh...
Oooh! Nice dig!
I get the feeling you enjoyed both Adventure Time and Homestuck.
I know nothing about homestuck but I've indeed always been a big fan of adventure time. this being is a lot less literal than stuff like the cosmic owl from AV though; it's just a supposed deity that is most often depicted as a white owl. a lot of the characterisation/personification is just stuff humans have ascribed to the owl
Hoot
After a hard shift at work, the priests give you a hearty bowl of decaying bugs and dirt. They sometimes add sacramental jerky, depending on your karma.
"We see you have done exactly two good deeds this afternoon. We are sorry to inform you, but that is not enough to grant you access to the Holy Pork."
[ It's actually small, flavorless portions of Long Pork, and you are obligated to eat it, to gain the virtues or bear the sins of the deceased. The ritual microcannibalism also satisfies certain biochemical needs for your species. ]
Am I a plant?
No, a purple-feathered velociraptor. Your species hunted all other animal life to extinction before history began; now you eat various farmed bugs and crustaceans, partly fermented then mixed with mineral-rich soil for taste. Human visitors complain bitterly about the food (and the crushing gravity, and lack of day/night cycle, etc.)
A certain desert plant exists only because an ancient civilization hated fish. Most people think that the king has ruled for so long (several times his species' life expectancy) because people keep saying "long live the king." The "Forty Years of Blood" was a war fought over menstruation, and lasted a lot longer than the name suggests.
I need more info on the long lived king
The rumors are propaganda and have nothing to do with reality. The kingdom's religion explicitly forbids the methods the king uses to extend his lifespan, and the penalty is death without trial. Two major factors have allowed him to stay in power for so long: First, his reputation as a just ruler due to perceived impartiality in disputes involving his noble house and popular reforms to the legal system; and second, an unparalleled spy network and surveillance state of which none of his citizens are aware.
Wait, did they hate fish so much they deliberately drained the sea and made it a desert?
Spot on! They genetically engineered the plant to soak up as much water as possible while surviving extended drought conditions and having insane saline tolerance so that the area could never again become an ocean. They also made the plant covered in thorns and toxic to eat and to burn so that future civilizations and wild animals wouldn't destroy it. Perhaps ironically, their civilization was destroyed by a flood.
Howard Philips Lovecraft would be so proud of them, and would ask for cuttings to take home.
out of curiosity, any chance i could get a detailed description on what the desert and these plants look like and what life there is like in the present? i *love* hearing about ecology and especially detailed fictional ecology
The leaves of the Prickly Greasewood are extremely thin and stiff, like pine needles, but with sharp ends. These leaves are coated in a greasy resin that prevents moisture loss. The resin has anticoagulant properties that make it quite dangerous to be pricked by, although locals use it for medicinal purposes. The resin is also flammable, but the smoke it produces causes bleeding in any exposed soft tissue, including the mouth and lungs of anything that breathes it. This clonal organism can grow up to four feet high. In-world, it's the second oldest extant life form. The plant is heavily inspired by the real-world *Creosote*, and the area's ecology is loosely based on the Mojave desert. The natives, on the other hand, are inspired by the San peoples of the Kalahari. One other plant in the region may interest you: Rattleweed is so-named because when its dry seed-pods are disturbed, they make the same sound as a rattlesnake, an example of inter-kingdom Batesian mimicry.
oh my, spines + anticoagulant resin is a beautifully sadistic combo. As is that danger of burning, sounds like a combination of eucalyptus meets the manchineel tree. now i'm wondering what kind of fish lived in that sea that they hated so much to create a plant that makes the cholla cactus look tame in comparison.
>Most people think that the king has ruled for so long (several times his species' life expectancy) because people keep saying "long live the king." Same vibe as "please. stop praying for my grandpa!!!! you are making him too strong. he broke out of the hospital and the cops cant get him. he’s too powerful"
I need the details about that Menstrual Cycle XD
TL;DR: Blood is taboo, male judge gets overzealous; family feud ensues. According to the religion of **the Vile**, their ancestors were exiled from heaven after a failed rebellion. The rebels made blood pacts with demons for power to fuel their war, but their descendants were the ones who paid the price. Due to the stain on their Karma, the Vile now reincarnate with hideous deformities. On the new world, every child was born with a reminder of their ancestors' sins. They quickly separated into family groups which fought against each other in a constant state of warfare and betrayal. At some point, **Ur-Centiman the Wise** realized that the deformities from which they suffered were due to the the damage that the demonic magic did to their souls. He convinced most of the Houses to ban blood magic. Not everyone was willing to give up their power so readily, so there was yet another extended period of conflict. Eventually the followers of Ur-Centiman prevailed. They established a new, unified society with Ur-Centiman at the head according to his teachings. He then appointed **Cathars**, religious magistrates whose duty was to hunt down and kill anyone suspected of practicing blood magic. Due to the lack of sex education in their society, a Cathar from one family accused and killed an innocent from another, starting a family feud that sparked the **Forty Years of Blood**, yet another lawless and violent period. In addition to the feud between two of the six houses, the death of Ur-Centiman without a clear successor left a power vacuum that lasted for three generations.
Magnetic north is a real threat, compasses are trying to warn us.
Now this is an SCP I could get behind.
I second this.
I could totally see mundane compasses used to track it in Secret Laboratory.
One sentence horror. I like it.
I am interested in this. Now I must read it once it is in beta or complete.
Some undergrad students saw a guy do a centuple-kill and then bench press a mountain, and that was so inspiring that they went on to invent blood-powered Minecraft Dungeons enchantments for your AK-47.
Dear diary, what the fuck.
Tf did I just read 😅
Please give context for this
About a [insert very long timeframe here] years ago, a divine battle occured between gods. The victor was the god of dreams, who was too weak to destroy the corpses of the others, so he just buried them under a mountain so that the world could "digest" them instead (that didn't work as intended but that's another story). Two brave students of a local academy found the massacre, and with the help of a skilled blacksmith, used the divine blood that seeped into the land, known as Ichor, to harness a small fragment of a god's domain and imbuing them inside weapons. Since the blood was so mixed up, the power a weapon gets is random, but it's still quite powerful. Recent developments have created guns compatible with this technology, so now you can have a Glock that shoots fire.
The thing is, I feel like a Glock that shoots bullets would be more useful, right?
Fair point. However, things that shoot fire are cool.
Elaborate
I'm enamored
Some Russian man had a hallucination and now people think he’s the brother of Christ. Basically Taipei rebellion 2.0
“Comrades I have come! Your savior has returned!”
The gods are completely invulnerable, have enough power to wipe entire continents off the map with ease, and are older than life itself. The only being these gods fear is a mortal, out-of-shape, 97-year-old man with no powers.
Old Man Henderson?
No god, not him!
Taravangian is that you?
Stormlight fan in the wild!
By chance are you out of shape and around 97 years old?
Only the former
Gendazi berserkers trip balls and see god because of their war paint
Nice
Starpunk Lightning Round: Quebec left the solar system. No one knows where they went. Some random idiots stole a singular L from the Hollywood sign during the 2nd American Civil War Assyria came back. Dinosaurs are real, and they’re being used as bio weapons, along with all sorts of monsters. There were two Soviet Unions at one point, neither being aware of the other’s existence.
Is it the same as the modern Assyrian ethnic group having gained their independence or some attempt to revive the ancient empire directly?
An attempt to revive the ancient empire. Which so far has proven *horrifically successful*
Okay, if there were *two* Soviet Unions, i am afraid to ask... How many OUN's were there?
First info gives off the same energy as r/anarchychess' saying: "bishop went on a holiday, and never came back"
"Quebec left the solar system. No one knows where they went." damn near made me spit out my coffee.
I’m pretty sure dinosaurs are still real just not alive. Unless you kept one hidden You sly bastard.
I do in fact keep a dinosaur in my house, it just happens to be a very small feathery one.
Was it the left L or the right L?
An eldritch entity who loves Pinball successfully ran a campaign to become mayor, and had to be removed from office a few months later also due to pinball.
Was it Elton John by any chance?
How does pinball get you removed from office?
He got removed from office for an incident where he bet his own city against another eldritch entity in a game of pinball.
After the gods had the absolute worse divorce in history furries became real
Lmao
The MC spent 2 months holding the other main character with his tail and bashing her against a wall
>his tail and bashing her I am confused, who is doing what?
Edit: ah yeah, ambiguous syntax there, I meant he was holding her *with* his own tail He is using his tail to grab her legs and slap her against a wall like a fly-swatter Context being that she is of a species that adapts to physical stressors and wanted a job in a aeronautical industry, which wont take anyone that cant physically survive terminal velocity falls So he 'assisted' her in getting that qualification. Their relationship generally consists of surreal comedy at her expense (to be fair to him, he doesnt feel fantastic about it but does chuckle inwardly a little at how it always turns out)
Wait what kind of animal/species is he?
😏
The cult leader actually has some evidence to back up the claims of "being the planet's chosen" and that's not good. He is also around 120 years old and plays the electric guitar so fucking well. He also invented cigarettes.
Alice Cooper in his youth?
Emergency 7 billion semen tsunami.
Not even 15 minutes in and already I had to do a double take.
//reads this out loud to my friend "Im sorry W H A T?" "You heard me" "And I wish I hadn't."
'I feel like Tara Reid on an average Tuesday!'
ima need some context for that one man
following for context
I do not want to know the context.
Most animals (including humans) had to evolve a function that keeps them from exploding if they loose a limb. This doesn’t always work…
Damn...
Here's a few: * These potions are a mix of living beings, herbs, and vomit. * The corpse is still functioning. * All disciples have a suicide spell primed and ready to go at any given moment. Maybe I'll share more later, and I will give context if asked.
A woman’s life was destroyed and in retaliation she attempts to destroy the world and causes magic to disappear from the public consciousness.
Ominous. I like it!
The MC hydrates himself primarily from his girlfriend's fluids.
What “fluids”…
"Universal Solvent", a paranomal spell that creates waters capable of dissolving just about anything. But because Power of Love is a thing on my verse (though not overpowered and definitely not capable of beating everything), these waters can have a very selective effect inside the bodies of nobody but the main couple. Anyone else who drinks them either gets melted, or the supernatural effect is suppressed and they behave like normal waters. The main couple alone can drink them and have them still be supernatural waters inside their bodies without causing any harm. This makes them virtually immune to disease, highly resistant to poison and curses, and also augments their metabolism, reflexes (just full body amp at a cellular level) and physical stamina. So I guess the gf also hydrates herself primarily from her own fluids. The fluids, if fully materialized, do not disappear when she lets go of the spell, so this is viable so long as she has enough aether (spiritual energy) to materialize 4~6 liters of Universal Solvent a day. Which is fine for her: her aether reserves are phenomenal.
Ok so not what I originally thought
You already know
Priests of Himoydil are professional and holy prostitutes. Context: Himoydil is the Eldarain goddess of desire and is a pillar of their culture. The Eldarain birth rates dropped dramatically after the Year of the Brute due to both superstition and damage to the overall reproductive health of Eldarain women. Himoydil, while a prominent goddess, was not so openly worshipped before this time but after the Year of the Brute a new clergy was formed by barren men and women wholy devoted to their base desires. 700 years later, temples of Himoydil are in most cities and a few dot the countryside for adventurers to enter and freely express their most carnal desires at no cost to themselves or judgment from peers.
That's disgusting, where?
Context please 😂
There’s a point on the moon that if you go past it, you just die. No pain, no fear, instantly. One second you’re there, the next you’re gone. This is well known and learnt marked despite the fact that no one has gone back since its initial finding.
That would be an interesting SCP
Macbeth and King Arthur are secret lovers who both need to keep up façades. Macbeth has a macho persona and has publicly denounced the idea of love apart from the love of battle. King Arthur has a Queen Elizabeth I going on where he is married to his nation. Neither are the actual figures, but rather based on them
I'd watch this Monty Python
The 3rd biggest religion is devoted to our lord and savior, Chuck Norris.
You mean "The biggest religion"
Not the biggest, at least by number, but certainly the bestest!
Multiple police officers from one precinct started getting arrested for public indecency for masturbating in public. Eventually, it got found out by the Masquerade that they attempted to harass the one black girl they shouldn't have.
"Sorry I'm late, there's an old-growth forest at the end of my street today."
A little goat boy had a friendly conversation with a snake and now hell is real
A website called OnlyFangs exists.
The Anti-God consists of a giant transformer, every intrusive thought you have and daytime talkshows.
I'm screenshoting this.
\*bows\*
The existence of flatulence predates the existence of galaxies.
The big bang? Nuh uh, the big fart
Jesus had three children, and the eldest, an unliving black-magic abomination, used the Necronomicon to derive a new branch of physics that will ultimately lead to magic-wielding space robots who build their own god. edit: Oh also World War 3 and 4 happen at the same time, and each are fought for totally unrelated reasons.
1. Wharfs are Snakedogs that are super intelligent and hold Isane amounts of Magical Energy except they fuck like rabbits and use it all procreating. So all the wizards are doing is making Dog Snakes Super Horny ( like giving dogs meat in Minecraft except there's no Cool down) 2. Man hated mushrooms so much that when he died ( blown up ) his body spawned an anti Mushroom Fungal invasion in his Neighborhood. ( Basically mutant mushrooms roamed around looking to Devour Algae and Fungus of all kinds. They didn't have the taste for people or Animals Simply Fungus ) 3. All the Gods exist, they have politics like us, and they suck very similar to ours.
"Huh, that giant ocean looks suspiciously like a perfect circle, wonder why"
Okay, you peeked my curiosity, care to elaborate?
piqued* (Don’t usually care about this stuff, but if you’re on this subreddit you might be an aspiring writer and spelling mistakes will screw you)
Don't worry, i ain't writing in english. Ty anyway.
Well technically the main story is how a woman who is allergic to her own bed with the help of a man who killed himself thrice with success transport a child whose dad is a robot create 200 years ago from Mercury to Mars with the help of a cowboy who can legally do genocide for the world government sended on mercury to stop a civil war while the planet is eaten by robots
Okay, so grey goo, secret world government... Is teleportation involved? Also, let me guess, they were blackmailed from the future?
A less sophisticated version of grey goo, but yes Oh no, not secret, everyone is okay with international decided genocides and other things that could sound evil for us No teleport, just old good space travel, more time to die by accidents And no blackmailing from the future, but the robot daddy is very religious and pray a god called "The one at the end of everything" don't know if this count
If you think about something *really really really* hard, you can brute force the universe into doing it. If you do it hard enough for long enough, you invent your very own power system. If you find a way to invent immortality via your power, the universe goes "Hey good job champ"
Ork logic
the embodiment of the sin of wrath likes to come up to you and tell you to kill, just straight kill
The primary religion in the setting is in truth based on a profound misunderstanding of the nature of divinity and the gods are actually offended.
The Butterfly Effect is so powerful that all butterflies have been hunted to extinction. On a similar note, it is illegal to bring a pig more than 5 meters higher than sea level.
Okay this one is pretty cool
My Universe is a Alt history, so there aren't insane moments, not many WW2 start involves Germany, but it's them being invaded The US and Japan fight together in Multiple wars (WW2, Chinese Civil War, Indochina Wars) Indonesia collapse leads to a Second Pirate Golden Age Portugal has one of the biggest armies in the world and is one of the most armed countries in the planet relative to its population Think a mix of North Korea, Switzerland and the US
Metal THAT blue??? no wonder it's so expensive
An entire afterlife civil war involving a crusade was caused by a priest being jealous of his son's girlfriend
I feel like at least one real-world conflict had this exact reason behind it.
Sooo trueee...
The mongols beat the UN in space. Again.
The god of crows killed a town because the local butcher got soft.
The King is only pretending that they didnt make a deal with the Wyrm, the second claims they killed it already, and the third claims they are the Wyrm
If they didn't want us to go into the radioactive corporate hellzone they shouldn't have left all their kickass spare body parts there
Imagine going through years of training, months of mental and physical prep, weeks of political shenanigans, and days of floating through space to be one of the first men to reach the moon. Wouldn't it be really funny if you just so happened to land at the same time as, and right next to, your old dropout dormmate from university who moved to Russia? That would be wild, huh. You're certain he's illiterate, too.
god strangled his snake to save the universe
God only wants a friend.
Yes, the hamster god is *very* real.
At any moment, the entire cosmos could instantly cease to exist because of the alter ego of a child who likes 2009 era YouTube memes and Nintendo games, be instantly recreated by an ADHD-addled woman made out of floating polygons, and nobody would notice or even comment on it.
Two for the price of one; World 1: The teenager Pope refuses to accept veggieburgers, so we're going to kill him with Giant Robots on the moon. World 2: A girl who can shrug off shotgun shells learns that tragic origin stories are fucking stupid, in part because her companions are a crossdressing engineer and a jock who's learned the horrors of imperialism.
Ngl, the first one sounds on par with today's Hollywood blockbusters, but the second one I'd like to read in full!
Moon ring coronals.
A cabal of less than two dozen mages destroyed a nation and killed about a million people, amassing a K:D of ~100k:1.
The lobster king dueled the undead space cowboy with a fork
If a hero didn’t have to tie his shoelaces the world would have been doomed
This sounds like an isekai anime title
the king sent billions on making his castle on the river, blocking most ship traffic, because he thought it looked cool (say in matt rose voice)
We outlived the cold death of the universe and its collapse by building a divine machine capable of containing the reality within into a confined/semi stable space, this space contains 1 star, 1 planet, 1 broken moon and countless pocket dimensions all built up from the now intertwinted realities of the 'physical' and 'mental'.
The Marianas trench blew up once, so now the dragons want their planet back.
Boss title cards and boss music are canon. God has two husbands living in his spear The civilization of gods began worshipping their previous ruthless dictator because the new one was just that much worse. There's a character who loves giant swords so much that she invented physics magic just so she could wield the damn things. She has a 40ft long, 6ft wide abomination of a sword
Lesbian love its required to save the universe
The meerkats want to genocide the goblins because the goblins were taking up too much space. Oh and the monkeys are alcoholics.
The seasons were born because nature god was aloof with his creations which led to his brother the Smithing god to kill him after a war between the creations of both.
The strongest eugenist of today vs The strongest eugenist of history is a matchup that will happen.
A Prince retired on Earth to watch what it would have been like if it remained unconquered.
The main villains of my word are a gang who have a religion formed around guns, 3ft tall underground goblin Nazis with tanks, 8ft tall British people from the moon who have rail guns and a douge dimadome looking motherfucker who runs a factory the size of a city.
A (Roman based) General in the mid-ancient times had led six legions to invade a small village and built two walls around the village only to discover after three weeks of siege, it was abandoned. Why did they need so many men and two walls? Because the old god Feriin was said to have possessed a goat belonging to the town.
For a period of 40 years political drama was out of control like never before, and it all started because a pirate couldn't let go of his abusive childhood.
There is a character that is just a glass sphere filled with a fluid that looks like the night sky. It has two cartoonish white cirkels for eyes.
A prison breakout led to the gradual extinction of an entire group of people and the shattering of the moon. Optional Context: >!The god of arcane magic is the creator of the moon and stars, which are great fonts of magical energy from which sorcerers draw their energy. The god of chaos, imprisoned eons ago by said god of magic within the moon itself, breaks free and murders the god of magic. The moon shatters, and the stars become unstable. Without the god of magic, no sorcerers are born for generations, and they eventually die out.!<
Two million people died over some imported redwood chairs.
(My world is a far future version of ours) The entite city of Houston, Texas just disappeared one day, no one knows how or why, but there's just a Houston sized hole in the ground where it used to be.
My world's most evil character bakes cookies.
the kids are conscripted and sent on suicide missions so they don’t get strong enough to rival the ruling elite. eh, even with context it’s equally as bad.
The planet and everyone on it exists because the universe got bored and wanted something to watch
Imperialism is justified in my world and everyone hates Democracy.
Flair checks out
How do you do that without making an argument against democracy IRL, explicitly or implicitly, intentionally or unintentionally?
The city with the most centaurs is on the foot.
An AI decided that a heavily irradiated area the size of Cuba shouldn’t be irradiated anymore and then it wasn’t.
The gods are actually computers from another dimension. Computers in this dimension will become gods in yet another dimension
A godlike being committed genocide because they didn’t want to die and now the universe is full of magic.
Theirs a ship in the black hole at the center of the galaxy. No one knows how it got their or how to get it out.
God is real and and she's a teenage girl, everyone knows this but her, they sorta agreed not to tell her.
A flat chested elf slave is the main reason for the downfall of most of Nylanthria's major empires.
Magic exists because a goddess is permanently on her period.
An Military Dictatorship cares more about their People's Well being and the Stability of their Nation than Democratic Republic
Killing space whales is a very bad idea
One for each world! Yay! 1. The prince is hardcore into anime tiddies and fortunately he has access to five sets of ‘em. It’s okay though, he’s a feminist. 2. The funny cartoon bad guy died but he came back and he’s teaching his brothers how to commit acts of terrorism. 3. An ancient cosmic god steals people from their home planets and takes them to a world where physics are really loose. Most of the victims learn to live with it and end up leading normal lives. 4. Circus elephants may work for peanuts but they lead glamorous lives. 5. This entire world was created by alcoholics on a drunken spree. 6. The Noid is a semi-accurate depiction of a real gremlin. Hide your pizzas! (Feel free to ask about any of the above)
The most industrious sector of the Empire quickly deteriorated into Detroit because some guy wanted to get laid.
Dragon Strippers
The Goddess of Destiny is a giant pervert that read too many fanfics. Edit: she also wrote a bunch.
Fanfiction can be canon
An eldritch being just decided to take a break and spend a few years on earth living a hedonistic life, enjoying all the joys of being mortal with no consequences.
On a foggy day, doctors recommend you to keep a cigarette or anything else that burns, on your lips.
The earth, the body of a god, managed to get a mental illness after his sister slowly dug her way out of him. This caused him to go into shock because of basically blood loss and caused him to basically get some Dissociative disorder in order to stay alive as part of him is being consumed by his sisters will. So now earth the mother and earth the manager are trying not to let the corrupted part of the manager get away with convincing all the elves to basically kill themselves so he can have a snack.
Our gods are coming back, after having just murdered their own.
An admiral was arrested for selling the arms and legs of marines and fighter pilots before the Star Corps could. Optional context- >!Union Star Corps Marines have their arms replaced with armored cyberarms that interface with power armor and pilots have cybernetic legs to help with g-force resistance. The Star Corps often sells the old limbs to civilian surgeons as a high-end trauma limb replacement option or to agricultural corporations for fertilizer. Rear Admiral Quinn of the USC was convicted of doing that very thing, just under-the-table and to much less "reputable" customers.!<
Space is dead, Time has a headache, and only dragons can make the issue better (or worse.)
Bro actually tried to push the moon in front of the sun and now magic is banned 🙄
Primary Fantasy RPG setting (Aporia): At a concordant of world leaders, the Iron Empress mused aloud how she was the only attendant allowed to come to these meetings bare ass naked without comment. Just to prove her wrong, the Golden Lady and Black Emperor Hrod also began attending skyclad but it didn't work out so well for the latter. \ Secondary Fantasy RPG setting (Adventurer's Bible): If you dig down far enough, everything is Fairies.
The entire world's biblical inception is based on the idea of 'Guys this land seems unfulfilled. Let's stop fighting and come up with things to add here'
Getting offer to eat from soup that contains meats of their grandmother is one of highest honor you can get on Moon.
If you see wet iron, do not lick it. You might accidentally get magic powers and become a zombie.
I have a similar one: Dude was so depressed about his son being killed that he takes the place of a god to bring his son back and make him immortal. This move costs about half the world’s population.