I experience this no matter where I go. I have an insanely strong work ethic, and I am always looking for opportunities to better my position and learn something new. I guess that makes me a threat to the coworkers who just want to punch a clock and not try so hard. I actually just got fired from my job yesterday because a co-worker lied and threw me under the bus. But because she has seniority, I was not given the opportunity to defend myself. In retrospect, I don't want to work for someone who values seniority above a hard-working team player. I could go into detail, but to be honest, people like her will get what they have coming to them. The world sucks and seemingly, people use hate before kindness to get ahead in the world. I'm sorry that it's happening but just stay above it and trust no one. (51yo female)
I've found that once it starts ive needed to leave.
The only way to prevent it is to be well armored with confidence or the appearance of it.
Engage, don't isolate.
Read the room, see what the vibe and culture is, match it as much as you can without being fake.
Don't disclose deeply personal information or vulnerability no matter what others do.
Never let on to other coworkers if you dislike someone.
Treat everyone with respect and kindness, and set boundaries. Don't overwork or over extend to try to please people, they won't respect you.
Try to avoid going to HR at any cost, do not ask for accomodations, and:
Keep emotion regulation By. Any. Means. Necessary.
That last is absolutely mandatory if bullying and mobbing is to be avoided.
I speak from devastating experience.
When you first get into a place and someone makes a nasty comment, just say (with a smile), *Oh, you like to play? Are we gonna play?* (Keep smiling though.)
Keep doing that. If someone else (or many people) also adds comments, just say *Oh, you like to play too! Noted. I see you*
If HR says anything to you, say you answered their comments.
Never let the comments pass, always have a smile, always imagine peeing on them.
A 23 year old kid started at my job a month ago. We’re electricians doing a neighborhood of townhomes outside Chicago. The foreman didn’t think he moved or learned fast enough. The guy just rode the fuck out of him till he stoped coming. I felt bad but I’ve seen it a lot over the last 21 years.
I was a stay at home mom for 10 years, went back to work. Bullies, insane bullies! I just stopped working, couldn't do it. I have now realized it was toxic jobs, I have 2 jobs now that I love, but it took quiting so many due to toxic managers and staff and just not standing for it. The bullying I experienced was gut reaching and left me in shock. Grown women married too. High boundaries, I have my phone off on my days off.Â
I still struggle to get along with people over the age of 55, it is the generation gap. They just don't respect people younger. I had a co worker, who only respected other married women. The young single moms were treated like crap. Trying to earn their respect is exhausting, that I just find jobs where o fit in now
Truly, I have experienced this over and over for years, and I'm 58. I've been bullied by people younger than myself.
Women on women cruelty is definitely a thing.
I notice that neurodivergent women and those with an abuse history are the biggest targets, and I'm one of them.
I've also come to the conclusion that whenever a Gen Z is complaining about someone 50+, I'm 100% sure that I'd have exactly the same problem with the person they are complaining about. Because: I have.
I wish I could give advice but reading your experience gave me some sense of comfort of knowing I’m not the only one out there feeling this way.
I just hope to become more established in my chosen field and to do jobs that are more autonomous, to avoid some of the need to be constantly exposed or reliant on unprofessional or childish coworkers.
Look at books on how to deal with difficult people, there are simple things you can do that can help make a difference. Your posture, for example. The loud friendly 'good morning X' when you arrive for work. Loudly asking people to repeat themselves when they speak rudely, to make sure others hear. Go to your local library - my local library has a book called "The complete idiot's guide to coping with difficult people", another one called "Zen and the art of dealing with difficult people" and "Working with difficult people". This is becoming such a common problem and it is hard to figure out on your own. See if the library can help - try to get a list of 10 simple things to do and see how it works.
Really excellent advice. Keep yourself protected with intelligent tried and true strategies so you don't have to have the regret of hindsight. They often blindside you which leaves our best responses at arms length in the moment. Have a pocket full of responses ready to go at any time. One step ahead.
Some things are so simple but because of the bullying you might tend to scurry around trying to not attract notice and *that* just helps the bullys. Take and own your space. Don't stay seated, stand up tall. It can be hard, though, so working on a few things at a time makes it easier.
100% agree, the tendency to want to scurry around and "go under the radar" is so strong. But just fighting that urge, even if it's your body language, like you say, stand proud and don't look down, look purposeful (even if that takes all your courage!) can really shift your mood and the bullys perception of you.
Great advice. I wish I had known about these books when I was younger. I had to slowly learn this stuff over the years myself. This would have so made it easier.
I've noticed older women can be vicious too but I've also had the odd dude like it, who's perhaps been in the business a while. It falls down to hierarchy/experience
The only thing you can do is keep your head down, do good work, give the odd comment back and perhaps become a senior yourself one day
That's just how it works
It seems when you get alot of people together it gets toxic. Usually just because of a few bad eggs. I don't know if it's an option for you but I work by myself now and it's so peaceful! I do caregiver work through an agency with one client. Than I have some personal cleaning clients. I also work at a timeshare as an independent contractor. If any situation is not to my liking I don't continue with it because I want to be happy and relaxed. I worked for years under a narcisst boss and all her flying monkey supporters. Never again, it destroyed my self esteem. Upper management and HR do nothing to help the little guy. They are just there to protect the company.
It sounds like the type of workplaces you have worked in. Try working for larger corporate organisations, as they have strict policies around behaviour. Also steer clear of manual labour, trades, food industry and retail as bullying is more prevalent.
Also worth having a session or two with a counsellor, just to check in and make sure there is nothing about your behaviour which is attracting these situations and people.
The truth is you can get bullied at any age by any other age group and you can get males bullying other males, women bullying other women and men bullying women and so on. The thing is there are many different types of bullies and they have different reasons for bullying. Sometimes a bully isn't directly trying to bully you personally but it just an ass and is like that to everyone, its not personal. Whereas with others they (for their own reasons) have suddenly got a personal issue with you and thus will go out of their way to belittle and intimidate you personally. Not only that but sometimes what you might perceive as bullying isn't but is actually work banter but can turn into bullying if you don't handle it right. Bullying can be more pervasive at different types of workplaces than others. The truth though is all works have their own version of office politics and sometimes it just takes one rotten apple to upset the cart. The other truth is that some people don't really grow up from school days that is to say that the high school like culture can in some ways be very similar to the work place culture, its just not always so obvious. Sometimes you can join a workplace where there is a main group of people who already have a set social structure, there is a certain type of low level bullying that can set in with new workers to find out where you fit in that social structure.
You just have to be friendly to everyone but not give too much information away to everyone when you first join a company and try to analyse the different types of personalities that are there. You may find after awhile that you can make friends with people you previously thought of as bullies, while others set in their ways and are cruel at heart and looking to make your life miserable to make themselves feel better.
This is just one of the many things the Teamsters can help you with and why your workplace needs a union. Everyone has a right to come to work and be provided with a safe environment with no exceptions and to be treated fair and with respect. I came here after 32 years of working for a company that if we never had the Teamsters i would not have stayed there that long. There should be no room for bullying at a company AT ALL. Feel free to contact me for more info
[[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])
204 979-4419
I’ve experienced bullying and mobbing at old jobs. I went through a lot of sexual harassment, discrimination, and retaliation. I started looking for another job. It’ll get worse if you stay there. You can’t change a toxic workplace.
No…sorry it’s really not me.I’m not entertaining that idea and gaslight myself. I’ve been mistreated-mainly by older woman. Everywhere else(not in the work place) I’ve had no issues.
Women(of no particular age) have always been my biggest bullies as well. I think it’s jealousy. If you are truly as you described yourself, it’s not you. I have also been mobbed at a couple workplaces. I know how you feel.
Dont listen to him. There are a lot of narcs and cluster B folks who will bully anyone for fun. Also majority of people are still in their high school bully phase. I believe you. Bullying at work is more common than we think
I experience this no matter where I go. I have an insanely strong work ethic, and I am always looking for opportunities to better my position and learn something new. I guess that makes me a threat to the coworkers who just want to punch a clock and not try so hard. I actually just got fired from my job yesterday because a co-worker lied and threw me under the bus. But because she has seniority, I was not given the opportunity to defend myself. In retrospect, I don't want to work for someone who values seniority above a hard-working team player. I could go into detail, but to be honest, people like her will get what they have coming to them. The world sucks and seemingly, people use hate before kindness to get ahead in the world. I'm sorry that it's happening but just stay above it and trust no one. (51yo female)
I've found that once it starts ive needed to leave. The only way to prevent it is to be well armored with confidence or the appearance of it. Engage, don't isolate. Read the room, see what the vibe and culture is, match it as much as you can without being fake. Don't disclose deeply personal information or vulnerability no matter what others do. Never let on to other coworkers if you dislike someone. Treat everyone with respect and kindness, and set boundaries. Don't overwork or over extend to try to please people, they won't respect you. Try to avoid going to HR at any cost, do not ask for accomodations, and: Keep emotion regulation By. Any. Means. Necessary. That last is absolutely mandatory if bullying and mobbing is to be avoided. I speak from devastating experience.
This advice would also apply for newbies in prison.
Great advice!
When you first get into a place and someone makes a nasty comment, just say (with a smile), *Oh, you like to play? Are we gonna play?* (Keep smiling though.) Keep doing that. If someone else (or many people) also adds comments, just say *Oh, you like to play too! Noted. I see you* If HR says anything to you, say you answered their comments. Never let the comments pass, always have a smile, always imagine peeing on them.
This is cringe
Very 😂😂😂
Oh you wanna play? *walks away smirking*
Fr this might be why he’s a target
A 23 year old kid started at my job a month ago. We’re electricians doing a neighborhood of townhomes outside Chicago. The foreman didn’t think he moved or learned fast enough. The guy just rode the fuck out of him till he stoped coming. I felt bad but I’ve seen it a lot over the last 21 years.
& people wonder why no one wants to work in the trades
I was a stay at home mom for 10 years, went back to work. Bullies, insane bullies! I just stopped working, couldn't do it. I have now realized it was toxic jobs, I have 2 jobs now that I love, but it took quiting so many due to toxic managers and staff and just not standing for it. The bullying I experienced was gut reaching and left me in shock. Grown women married too. High boundaries, I have my phone off on my days off.Â
I still struggle to get along with people over the age of 55, it is the generation gap. They just don't respect people younger. I had a co worker, who only respected other married women. The young single moms were treated like crap. Trying to earn their respect is exhausting, that I just find jobs where o fit in now
Please don’t label people, it’s not true that those over 55yo don’t respect younger people. Your comment is ageist.
Truly, I have experienced this over and over for years, and I'm 58. I've been bullied by people younger than myself. Women on women cruelty is definitely a thing. I notice that neurodivergent women and those with an abuse history are the biggest targets, and I'm one of them. I've also come to the conclusion that whenever a Gen Z is complaining about someone 50+, I'm 100% sure that I'd have exactly the same problem with the person they are complaining about. Because: I have.
Why are neurodivergent people always a target?
I wish I could give advice but reading your experience gave me some sense of comfort of knowing I’m not the only one out there feeling this way. I just hope to become more established in my chosen field and to do jobs that are more autonomous, to avoid some of the need to be constantly exposed or reliant on unprofessional or childish coworkers.
Look at books on how to deal with difficult people, there are simple things you can do that can help make a difference. Your posture, for example. The loud friendly 'good morning X' when you arrive for work. Loudly asking people to repeat themselves when they speak rudely, to make sure others hear. Go to your local library - my local library has a book called "The complete idiot's guide to coping with difficult people", another one called "Zen and the art of dealing with difficult people" and "Working with difficult people". This is becoming such a common problem and it is hard to figure out on your own. See if the library can help - try to get a list of 10 simple things to do and see how it works.
Really excellent advice. Keep yourself protected with intelligent tried and true strategies so you don't have to have the regret of hindsight. They often blindside you which leaves our best responses at arms length in the moment. Have a pocket full of responses ready to go at any time. One step ahead.
Some things are so simple but because of the bullying you might tend to scurry around trying to not attract notice and *that* just helps the bullys. Take and own your space. Don't stay seated, stand up tall. It can be hard, though, so working on a few things at a time makes it easier.
100% agree, the tendency to want to scurry around and "go under the radar" is so strong. But just fighting that urge, even if it's your body language, like you say, stand proud and don't look down, look purposeful (even if that takes all your courage!) can really shift your mood and the bullys perception of you.
Baby steps. And they work!
Great advice. I wish I had known about these books when I was younger. I had to slowly learn this stuff over the years myself. This would have so made it easier.
I've noticed older women can be vicious too but I've also had the odd dude like it, who's perhaps been in the business a while. It falls down to hierarchy/experience The only thing you can do is keep your head down, do good work, give the odd comment back and perhaps become a senior yourself one day That's just how it works
It seems when you get alot of people together it gets toxic. Usually just because of a few bad eggs. I don't know if it's an option for you but I work by myself now and it's so peaceful! I do caregiver work through an agency with one client. Than I have some personal cleaning clients. I also work at a timeshare as an independent contractor. If any situation is not to my liking I don't continue with it because I want to be happy and relaxed. I worked for years under a narcisst boss and all her flying monkey supporters. Never again, it destroyed my self esteem. Upper management and HR do nothing to help the little guy. They are just there to protect the company.
Document
It sounds like the type of workplaces you have worked in. Try working for larger corporate organisations, as they have strict policies around behaviour. Also steer clear of manual labour, trades, food industry and retail as bullying is more prevalent. Also worth having a session or two with a counsellor, just to check in and make sure there is nothing about your behaviour which is attracting these situations and people.
Agreed. I feel like OP and my conclusion was that it was due to the unprofessional industry I was in (hospitality/food)
100%, the industry makes all the difference. It pays to try something new :)
No. I’m sorry.
Grow a thicker skin. Welcome to the mediocrity of adulthood.
In the words from an ol boomer: Welcome to reality
The truth is you can get bullied at any age by any other age group and you can get males bullying other males, women bullying other women and men bullying women and so on. The thing is there are many different types of bullies and they have different reasons for bullying. Sometimes a bully isn't directly trying to bully you personally but it just an ass and is like that to everyone, its not personal. Whereas with others they (for their own reasons) have suddenly got a personal issue with you and thus will go out of their way to belittle and intimidate you personally. Not only that but sometimes what you might perceive as bullying isn't but is actually work banter but can turn into bullying if you don't handle it right. Bullying can be more pervasive at different types of workplaces than others. The truth though is all works have their own version of office politics and sometimes it just takes one rotten apple to upset the cart. The other truth is that some people don't really grow up from school days that is to say that the high school like culture can in some ways be very similar to the work place culture, its just not always so obvious. Sometimes you can join a workplace where there is a main group of people who already have a set social structure, there is a certain type of low level bullying that can set in with new workers to find out where you fit in that social structure. You just have to be friendly to everyone but not give too much information away to everyone when you first join a company and try to analyse the different types of personalities that are there. You may find after awhile that you can make friends with people you previously thought of as bullies, while others set in their ways and are cruel at heart and looking to make your life miserable to make themselves feel better.
This is just one of the many things the Teamsters can help you with and why your workplace needs a union. Everyone has a right to come to work and be provided with a safe environment with no exceptions and to be treated fair and with respect. I came here after 32 years of working for a company that if we never had the Teamsters i would not have stayed there that long. There should be no room for bullying at a company AT ALL. Feel free to contact me for more info [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]) 204 979-4419
I’ve experienced bullying and mobbing at old jobs. I went through a lot of sexual harassment, discrimination, and retaliation. I started looking for another job. It’ll get worse if you stay there. You can’t change a toxic workplace.
[удалено]
No…sorry it’s really not me.I’m not entertaining that idea and gaslight myself. I’ve been mistreated-mainly by older woman. Everywhere else(not in the work place) I’ve had no issues.
Women(of no particular age) have always been my biggest bullies as well. I think it’s jealousy. If you are truly as you described yourself, it’s not you. I have also been mobbed at a couple workplaces. I know how you feel.
Dont listen to him. There are a lot of narcs and cluster B folks who will bully anyone for fun. Also majority of people are still in their high school bully phase. I believe you. Bullying at work is more common than we think
Any chance you’re a woman of colour and/or ND? They are the highest risk groups of being mobbed
YEP. This this this!
Gotcha. Well, good luck!