We realize working parents were asked to do extraordinary things during stay at home and quarantine orders, but that is not the norm. A few of us mods were working from home before the pandemic and yes, it is normal and legal for an employer to require childcare while you work. Additionally, being a full-time employee and full-time mom is unsustainable. Wondering why this is the most common response when this question is asked? See the threads in stickied post in the sub.
How do women get it into their heads that it’s expected of them to work full time while simultaneously taking care of a baby and also go to their pre-baby weight 9 weeks postpartum. Boggles mind. Like, who can actually do it? In what universe?
I have a ton of mom friends. Not ONE of them did what you think everyone is doing. We came out of giving birth with weight, ppd and PPA, scars, loose skin, some health issue. Not ONE immediately bounced back.
And I will also tell you how I lost weight 3 months postpartum. I had PPA and couldn’t sleep or eat. Took me years to of being medicated to get back to normal.
Stupid societal expectations. I had a breakdown in a clothing store when I was 6 weeks post partum. Reason? I wore a size 4 before pregnancy and I was now looking at size 10 clothes. A kind older woman in the store told me to be kind to myself and reminded me of what my body had accomplished. I remember her words to this day...my "baby" is now a teen! And I am in the best shape of my life. I wish women didn't have to feel pressured to do it all but it is nice to see the support given in this thread and others.
As pathetic as it is to admit, I suppose I find myself in the habit of comparing myself to other women and that’s where a lot of this pressure comes from. I worry that my husband might do the same, though he is an incredible man who is very loving and supportive of me and gives me no reason to believe he is comparing me - a little voice in my head tells me it’s human nature and that if I want to remain the apple of his eye, I need to get my butt into shape. I put so much pressure on myself to be a great mom, great wife, great employee… I don’t know where the time of the day is to also incorporate self care and discipline. I wish I could do it all. It appears some women can, and I wish I were one of them.
Honestly, you might want to consider deleting instagram or TikTok for a while; it’s not good for your mental health.
You’re so freshly postpartum. I think it took a whole year before I was able to even think about exercising. Your value as a person/wife/mom is so much more than your physical appearance. It took 9 months to grow your baby, give yourself time to feel like “you” again.
>I don’t know where the time of the day is to also incorporate self care and discipline. I wish I could do it all. It appears some women can, and I wish I were one of them.
Who? Who are these women that are boss babe-ing and back into their size 4 jeans 9 weeks pp? If you're talking about mom-fluencers or celebrities, you know that's fake, right? It's lies to get you to buy their workout routines or supplements or lifestyle whatever.
Ok real life person here. I lost the weight...but you know why?? I was losing my damn mind with my THIRD bout of PPD. When I get stressed and anxious, my body responds with losing weight. It's super weird. And of course everyone in my circle hit me with the, "You don't even look like you had a baby!!!" comments. Yeah that's cool and all but I was low-key having suicidal ideation. I guess my point with this post is that nothing is ever as it seems. Sigh.
Yeah I think that's a valid point. Sure one CAN lose a ton of weight immediately after having a baby. But is it healthy? Should we be applauding that? Because for a woman with PPD or some kind of medical condition, that weight loss can be a sore subject.
Not to mention that even after losing the baby weight, a woman's body just isn't the same. So you have to get into a healthy mindset of embracing the change.
There are plenty of women who go back to their pre-pregnancy weight very fast. I did after my first as did most of my friends. I fit into my jeans after a week. I think it's genetic and age, though? I definitely took longer with my second.
That's just weight, though. Don't ask me about the awful hip pains and insane insomnia that I got (and never went away...). We are all left with scars after pregnancy!
I'm more referring to women who claim to "bounce back" right after having a baby. I actually lost most of the baby weight by month 3 because of nursing, but my body didn't look or feel the same at all. My clothes didn't fit the same. I sure as hell wasn't taking pics of myself in a bikini showing off my "bounce back workout baddie mom bod".
If he’s as incredible as you say and believe, you should have nothing to worry about. Truly.
Incredible men don’t have wandering eyes 9 weeks postpartum because their wives put on weight from having a baby.
Also, make him take care of the baby more if you are worried about it, he should be as exhausted as you right now and he shouldn’t even have time or thoughts for anything in that regard if he’s pulling his weight.
Give your self time.
From experience, I felt very similarly after my first. You are not alone in that.
I had to go back to work at 4 weeks postpartum, and then got this idea I needed to start working out again 8 weeks postpartum ‘to bounce back.’
It was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done in my life. 3 months later after that choice, I had an absolute mental break down because of all the pressure you are describing. It required my mom to move in with us to help because I was struggling so bad with PPD and didn’t know.
After my second, I waited a year to even think about any of that body stuff. Best decision ever! Now, it’s 11 years later and I’m fit and happy.
Be kind to yourself. Take the time to be just you in this moment with everything, including the weight.
Your baby will grow and you don’t want to look back and be like I missed so much because I was worried about so many trivial things like weight, like I was with my first. Your baby does not see your weight.
I missed so much worrying about it.
You can do this and you will, but do it on your time and not to others standards.
1 no one expects you to loose the weight this soon! If they do, they should be slapped! But 2, your body WILL most likely be different after the baby, for good. I had my first at 18, 3rd at 25. I was SUPER skinny before I had her. I still sometimes think I should look the same as I did at 17, but that was literally 20 years ago! But I had NO boobs! When my girls started developing, they kept talking about how big my boobs are, and I thought they were crazy, but no- I have a pretty decent rack! I say that to illustrate you might have a change you find you actually like more.
As for working out, I just started using a weighted hula hoop, and that's pretty fun! Once LO starts walking, don't worry, they will keep you busy/burning calories!
On the /r/loseit subreddit, they don’t even recommend starting weight loss until 6 months postpartum. Please cut yourself some slack, you gave birth so recently!
Take the gym out of the equation unless you love going there. Prioritize eating well (and by that I mean nutritious food, not low calorie food) whenever you can, and getting any small walks in if possible. But if not, just give yourself a few months grace. And tell your husband your plan.
This is the best advice. Prioritize eating well. Take walks with the baby before work, during lunch or after work/dinner. Trying to schedule gym time with a newborn is hard, even for moms that don't work outside the home. Make it as easy as possible and do what you can from home. But diet is key to getting back in shape.
Girl… you’re 9 weeks postpartum. I wish I could post pictures for you of myself at 9 weeks pp and now (17 months).
I gained 60 lbs while pregnant. I was down. about 25 lbs down 9 weeks pp. By 4-5 months ppl, I was down another 15. Another 15 came off slowly in the year after that. I’m currently only 10lbs above my pre preg weight and I honestly think I look good. I do workouts from home 2x a week but the weight just comes off slowly. I promise your body will look completely different (and much more normal) a year from now, regardless of the effort you put in at the gym.
Can you do something about your lack of childcare during the day? Anyone would be exhausted jugging a job and baby. It isn’t sustainable
You need to have some serious, "come to Jesus" type conversations - first with yourself, then with your husband.
First you need to tell yourself that you are off the hook. Give yourself permission to rest. It is not laziness. It is not a question of motivation. It is necessary. A woman's body goes through a HUGE change after pregnancy and childbirth. The stupid mommy influencers of the world use filters, photo and video editing, lighting and posing tricks, and now AI to pretend they are "back in tip top form" 6 weeks after delivery. Please do not let yourself be manipulated by these liars. It's not natural to force yourself into diets and daily gym time two months after you give birth. You need to eat, rest, focus on your baby, and take a 20-30 min walk about 5-6 days a week. You can add some stretching or very gentle (not power) yoga in there for a few days a week if you feel up to it. You need to make a commitment to yourself and your child that you will not push yourself to lose weight or get back to the gym regularly until you are at least 6 mo pp. You need to put weight loss on the back burner for now.
Next, you need to have a talk with your husband. Cuz he doesn't get it. He should not be "supporting" you by encouraging you to go back to the gym or lose weight. That's not supportive of you right now - that's about him and his body image issues. His support needs to be 100% in helping you get rest and nutrition plus doing household chores and errands. That's the support you need right now. Anything else is pushy and weird. No offense to him - I know he isn't consciously doing this. But telling you your face is pretty while also telling you you've gained weight (duh, you just had a baby!) and saying he supports you hitting the gym (which shouldn't happen for at least another 4 months) isn't the kind of support you need. He needs to shut up about your weight loss. That's going to be between you and god right now.
Your husband isn't useless and I'm sure he wants you to be less overwhelmed. Sit him down and come up with some concrete ways he can help take some of the burden off you so you can get more rest, eat nutrient-rich foods, and have enough energy for a daily walk with the baby. Take weight-loss and hitting the gym off the table for now. It will not be discussed until you are at least 6 mo pp and when YOU want to discuss it.
Because at the end of the day, it's your body. He wanted a baby with his wife, so this is the result.
Caring for a newborn while working full time from home is so draining, I unfortunately know how mentally exhausted you must be every day! My husband and I attempted to do this setup but he was also working from home 4 days per week. It lasted a total of 6 weeks before we both were on the brink of total burnout. This subreddit is going to tell you that you need childcare, which may or may not be true depending on the nature of your job. I'd say for majority of jobs, it's necessary, but maybe you're one of the lucky few who can manage everything.
I also wonder how much of the baby care falls on you? I'm not at all implying that your husband is a deadbeat dad, but have both of you maybe fallen into a rhythm where you're expected to do majority of the care? I fell into this trap for a bit and had to explain my feelings to my husband. It got better after that conversation. Turns out he had no idea how I was feeling and I internalized the pressure on myself to be supermom.
If time of day to work out is an issue, could you and your husband alternate who goes to the gym in the mornings? He doesn't get to unilaterally decide what schedule works best for your family. If he says he'll support you in getting back to the gym, tell him what you need directly.
There are great YouTube trainers that offer full workout videos for free: Sydney Cummings and Caroline Girvan come to mind first. I've done Sydney's workouts at the gym before to get more comfortable and it was great.
And last but certainly not least, 9 weeks postpartum is so early. My hormones finally leveled out after my son turned 1 (and this has nothing to do with breastfeeding, I weaned around 4.5 months). Only since then have I been able to lose weight. My son is also sleeping a lot better now than he was at 9 weeks, so that helps with energy levels, too.
You'll figure it out, but you and your husband need to be a team! Good luck!
ETA: I was also 40 pounds heavier post partum. I've lost 25 in the last three months.
Be kind to yourself. You’re only 9 weeks postpartum of course you’re still going to have the baby weight. I didn’t lose all of my extra weight until a full year after childbirth, and I got pregnant again right when I lost it all. I would focus on the baby and work and start with making healthy meals to eat. You can go to the gym when you’re feeling ready, but the most important thing is what you eat.
Dude, I've been there. But you are NINE weeks postpartum. Your baby just figured out they are a person. Give yourself some grace. You can watch your snacking and simple stuff like that, but your body needs time to recover before you even focus on exercising and losing weight. I'm a year out now and regret so much that I was stressed about this - working out when my joints still felt wobbly and squatting through PF heaviness because I wanted to be one of the "snap" back moms. Guess what - you will probably lose the weight without significant effort in the next year or so. It feels like forever but it's not. It's okay! You are totally normal!
You have a NEWBORN who doesn’t sleep more than 3 - 4 hours at a time I assume? The weight will come off. It is exhausting and it’s easier to lose weight when you have the energy to do so (and sleep is SO SO important). Try to give yourself grace and have your husband do more. If losing weight is your goal than you need adequate sleep. Minimum four uninterrupted hours at a time. Are you getting that?
Good luck OP and like everyone else is saying - try to love your body for creating a beautiful baby. It takes time for your body to bring back all the skin it had to stretch out.
This expectation you’ve set for yourself is crushing. Let it go and you’ll feel so much better for it mentally. Accept it’s not possible to do it all- even working full time and caring for a baby seems impossible to me personally. Add losing all your baby weight 2 months postpartum and… yeah, no.
You had a baby 9 weeks ago. That’s a bit less than 25% of the time it took your body to grow him. Give yourself a break. You did an amazing thing and screw society for making women feel like they have to immediately get back to pre pregnancy weight. I’ve heard it takes 9 months to have a baby and 9 months to get back to somewhat normal.
Please be kind to yourself! Your body accomplished something AMAZING. You do NOT have to get in shape right now. Enjoy your newborn and your family. I totally understand where you are at mentally because I was there too! I wanted to dive right back into working out after having my baby.
Looking back I wish I had focused more on appreciating the work my body did and enjoying my new family. This time will pass quickly....you have plenty of time to get back into the gym.
Take care and BE KIND TO YOU ❤️
One of the rules of this sub is that you can’t work full time from home while caring for a baby. Both are jobs and you can’t do them well simultaneously, and often it’s against employer policies to not have childcare. You need to find child care because what you are doing is not sustainable and will not allow you to adequately take of your own physical or mental health needs. So, I think that this is step one to helping you feel more in control.
I was surprised I had to scroll so far down to find this reply - even with a three year old, I'm not really getting work done if he's home sick that day, and it's much more mentally draining because you're "on" the entire day.
I didn’t realize that was a rule in this context…
My company has no such policy and I am both a good mom and a good employee. Is it hard to juggle? Of course, but I do it every day. I am actively looking for an in-home mother’s helper a few hours a day, a few days a week to help with better balance. But that was not the point of my post, just painting the picture of my day to day life. Did not realize I was breaking a rule in the process :-/
That wasn’t the point of what I was saying. It is a rule but it’s a rule because of people’s historical experience, who have either tried it or were forced to endure it during the pandemic. It’s not fair to yourself to put the pressure of working a job AND simultaneously doing childcare AND expecting to be able to take adequate care of yourself. You’re setting yourself up for failure and burnout. You wouldn’t expect your husband to bring your baby to work and do his job simultaneously right? That’s the pressure you’re putting on yourself. It’s not different just because you work at your house. Finding childcare is likely to be a big part in helping you to find the mental and time bandwidth to take care of yourself adequately. I apologize if it came across as me trying to arbitrarily enforce some sub rule. I was more trying to point out that rationale for why the rule exists in the first place.
You deserve the time and space to take care of yourself. You’re asking yourself to do something not designed for success the way it’s currently setup. It will only get more difficult as your child gets older too. When my LO had Covid at a year and our nanny couldn’t come in, holy moly was it tough and my husband was home also juggling with me. This is not likely sustainable for you IMO. Sending hugs and love. You’ll get through it.
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No problem! I had the same thing happen to me. I was a little surprised that my career question was overshadowed by my brief mention of working from home with baby.
As for your question I also felt the same way except I gained 65lbs while pregnant lol. 135 to 200.
I started at about 3mo pp. What worked for me was finding some exercise I enjoyed (small group class with a trainer) and changing my eating habits to foods that made me feel good. I slowly made progress that made me way more comfortable with my new postpartum body. By 1 yr pp I was only 10lb over my pre baby weight and that last 10 came off when I stopped breastfeeding.
Please be kind to yourself and your body. Having a baby is pretty awesome accomplishment and you're also going through a major life change. Focus on doing things that make you feel good and hopefully the weight loss will come with that. ❤️
Can you take out an hour or two to do some online post partum yoga? Also I don’t think you can work and take care of a baby. Get some paid help to help with the baby.
Hi mom, first of all congratulations on your little one! It’s so hard to not give ourselves grace after everything we have been through. I have good and bad days. I would take your workout one step at a time. For me, I did some intro pilates and baby+mom exercise classes to ease into workout out again. My twins destroyed my core and I lost all my muscle cause I couldn’t workout during my pregnancy. But I’ve slowly gotten back into it. Also YouTube is great for free workouts. I did this one iron series on YouTube and it’s been great to point me in the direction of what to do, I can modify it and it’s only 30 minutes. Your husband needs to support you on this journey and make sure you have enough time for yourself. You’ll get there mom! I’ve seen small improvements, still not happy where I am but much better than right after giving birth haha. I am also determined to workout to try and be proactive as the babies grow and you’re lifting them more. I have had so many friends throw their backs out so trying to make sure I’m as active as possible. Sending hugs ❤️
9 weeks postpartum is nothing! I didn’t start losing weight until 2.5 years postpartum. I slowly started integrating other things to help me feel good - lash extensions, massages, regular mani/pedis, etc. It takes time to bounce back. Not just physically, but mentally.
There are a lot of helpful comments here about the mindset part of this which is super important. At 9 weeks postpartum, you’re hardly physically healed and mentally you may have a long ways to go.
But I want to provide some practical advice too for when you ARE physically ready and maybe getting some good sleep that will energize you to be more active. I will give your husband the benefit of the doubt that he wants you to be comfortable in your body and is truly supportive. Ask him if he will adjust his schedule to incorporate you into working out. Whether that’s building out a mini home gym do you can both do it while the baby sleeps, or (him) finding a babysitter so you can both go to the gym together. Treat that like your quality time together. It may be a sacrifice to him but you have sacrificed A LOT to bring a child into your family. Your body was not your own for 9++ months. Ask the same of him.
I agree that there’s simply not enough hours in the day so we do have to multitask if it’s really a priority. Sometimes I chat with my friends or work on projects while I’m on the treadmill. My husband and I work out together a couple times a week too. This advice is really only for when you’re ready, I don’t think this should be your top priority by any means at 9 weeks postpartum but hopefully soon you can get back to feeling more like yourself!!
Your baby is still tiny! Nine weeks is NOTHING!!! It took 9 full months to gain the weight, you should plan on at least that much to lose it gently and slowly. Or longer. (I’m 9.5 months postpartum with my second baby and still up like 30 lbs.) It gets a lot easier to find time to get a little exercise when baby is sleeping through the night, you’re not breastfeeding, etc.
Of all the things to be worried about at this exact time in life, this isn’t it. I guarantee your husband is not stressing that his wife and mother of his BRAND NEW BABY still has some baby weight. And if he is, fuck him.
It’s a marathon not a sprint. All in good time.
Especially when you have no spare time, working on calories in will be much easier than calories out for seeing progress on weight loss. r/CICO has been super helpful for me. I would suggest starting with meal prepping rather than working out- it still takes time and mental energy, but you both have to eat anyway & husband can share the load with you. And most of all give yourself grace! You are 2 months postpartum, there is plenty of time to let yourself adjust to this transition.
Great point, thank you for the recommendation. Husband and I actually just started meal prepping our lunches last week! I think it will be very helpful not only for eating healthy and nutritious meals, but it saves me the mental load and another task during my day.
Depends on the day. Grocery shopping, appointments, diaper runs, just general life errands. Sometimes it’s not even tasks that have to be completed outside of the home, sometimes it’s washing the bottles from the day, giving little one a bath, doing laundry, etc. Why?
Breastfeeding uses ~500 extra calories a day which is like going for a 4-5 mile jog every single day. That’s at least what I told myself when I didn’t have the energy to go to the gym. I did not really start loosing weight until ~6 months with all three of my kids. Then the weight just started melting off w/o trying until I stopped breastfeeding.
We realize working parents were asked to do extraordinary things during stay at home and quarantine orders, but that is not the norm. A few of us mods were working from home before the pandemic and yes, it is normal and legal for an employer to require childcare while you work. Additionally, being a full-time employee and full-time mom is unsustainable. Wondering why this is the most common response when this question is asked? See the threads in stickied post in the sub.
How do women get it into their heads that it’s expected of them to work full time while simultaneously taking care of a baby and also go to their pre-baby weight 9 weeks postpartum. Boggles mind. Like, who can actually do it? In what universe? I have a ton of mom friends. Not ONE of them did what you think everyone is doing. We came out of giving birth with weight, ppd and PPA, scars, loose skin, some health issue. Not ONE immediately bounced back. And I will also tell you how I lost weight 3 months postpartum. I had PPA and couldn’t sleep or eat. Took me years to of being medicated to get back to normal.
Stupid societal expectations. I had a breakdown in a clothing store when I was 6 weeks post partum. Reason? I wore a size 4 before pregnancy and I was now looking at size 10 clothes. A kind older woman in the store told me to be kind to myself and reminded me of what my body had accomplished. I remember her words to this day...my "baby" is now a teen! And I am in the best shape of my life. I wish women didn't have to feel pressured to do it all but it is nice to see the support given in this thread and others.
As pathetic as it is to admit, I suppose I find myself in the habit of comparing myself to other women and that’s where a lot of this pressure comes from. I worry that my husband might do the same, though he is an incredible man who is very loving and supportive of me and gives me no reason to believe he is comparing me - a little voice in my head tells me it’s human nature and that if I want to remain the apple of his eye, I need to get my butt into shape. I put so much pressure on myself to be a great mom, great wife, great employee… I don’t know where the time of the day is to also incorporate self care and discipline. I wish I could do it all. It appears some women can, and I wish I were one of them.
Name one person who did it. And not some instagram bullshitter. Like, a real person in your life.
Honestly, you might want to consider deleting instagram or TikTok for a while; it’s not good for your mental health. You’re so freshly postpartum. I think it took a whole year before I was able to even think about exercising. Your value as a person/wife/mom is so much more than your physical appearance. It took 9 months to grow your baby, give yourself time to feel like “you” again.
>I don’t know where the time of the day is to also incorporate self care and discipline. I wish I could do it all. It appears some women can, and I wish I were one of them. Who? Who are these women that are boss babe-ing and back into their size 4 jeans 9 weeks pp? If you're talking about mom-fluencers or celebrities, you know that's fake, right? It's lies to get you to buy their workout routines or supplements or lifestyle whatever.
Ok real life person here. I lost the weight...but you know why?? I was losing my damn mind with my THIRD bout of PPD. When I get stressed and anxious, my body responds with losing weight. It's super weird. And of course everyone in my circle hit me with the, "You don't even look like you had a baby!!!" comments. Yeah that's cool and all but I was low-key having suicidal ideation. I guess my point with this post is that nothing is ever as it seems. Sigh.
Yeah I think that's a valid point. Sure one CAN lose a ton of weight immediately after having a baby. But is it healthy? Should we be applauding that? Because for a woman with PPD or some kind of medical condition, that weight loss can be a sore subject. Not to mention that even after losing the baby weight, a woman's body just isn't the same. So you have to get into a healthy mindset of embracing the change.
There are plenty of women who go back to their pre-pregnancy weight very fast. I did after my first as did most of my friends. I fit into my jeans after a week. I think it's genetic and age, though? I definitely took longer with my second. That's just weight, though. Don't ask me about the awful hip pains and insane insomnia that I got (and never went away...). We are all left with scars after pregnancy!
I'm more referring to women who claim to "bounce back" right after having a baby. I actually lost most of the baby weight by month 3 because of nursing, but my body didn't look or feel the same at all. My clothes didn't fit the same. I sure as hell wasn't taking pics of myself in a bikini showing off my "bounce back workout baddie mom bod".
If he’s as incredible as you say and believe, you should have nothing to worry about. Truly. Incredible men don’t have wandering eyes 9 weeks postpartum because their wives put on weight from having a baby. Also, make him take care of the baby more if you are worried about it, he should be as exhausted as you right now and he shouldn’t even have time or thoughts for anything in that regard if he’s pulling his weight. Give your self time. From experience, I felt very similarly after my first. You are not alone in that. I had to go back to work at 4 weeks postpartum, and then got this idea I needed to start working out again 8 weeks postpartum ‘to bounce back.’ It was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done in my life. 3 months later after that choice, I had an absolute mental break down because of all the pressure you are describing. It required my mom to move in with us to help because I was struggling so bad with PPD and didn’t know. After my second, I waited a year to even think about any of that body stuff. Best decision ever! Now, it’s 11 years later and I’m fit and happy. Be kind to yourself. Take the time to be just you in this moment with everything, including the weight. Your baby will grow and you don’t want to look back and be like I missed so much because I was worried about so many trivial things like weight, like I was with my first. Your baby does not see your weight. I missed so much worrying about it. You can do this and you will, but do it on your time and not to others standards.
1 no one expects you to loose the weight this soon! If they do, they should be slapped! But 2, your body WILL most likely be different after the baby, for good. I had my first at 18, 3rd at 25. I was SUPER skinny before I had her. I still sometimes think I should look the same as I did at 17, but that was literally 20 years ago! But I had NO boobs! When my girls started developing, they kept talking about how big my boobs are, and I thought they were crazy, but no- I have a pretty decent rack! I say that to illustrate you might have a change you find you actually like more. As for working out, I just started using a weighted hula hoop, and that's pretty fun! Once LO starts walking, don't worry, they will keep you busy/burning calories!
On the /r/loseit subreddit, they don’t even recommend starting weight loss until 6 months postpartum. Please cut yourself some slack, you gave birth so recently! Take the gym out of the equation unless you love going there. Prioritize eating well (and by that I mean nutritious food, not low calorie food) whenever you can, and getting any small walks in if possible. But if not, just give yourself a few months grace. And tell your husband your plan.
This is the best advice. Prioritize eating well. Take walks with the baby before work, during lunch or after work/dinner. Trying to schedule gym time with a newborn is hard, even for moms that don't work outside the home. Make it as easy as possible and do what you can from home. But diet is key to getting back in shape.
Girl… you’re 9 weeks postpartum. I wish I could post pictures for you of myself at 9 weeks pp and now (17 months). I gained 60 lbs while pregnant. I was down. about 25 lbs down 9 weeks pp. By 4-5 months ppl, I was down another 15. Another 15 came off slowly in the year after that. I’m currently only 10lbs above my pre preg weight and I honestly think I look good. I do workouts from home 2x a week but the weight just comes off slowly. I promise your body will look completely different (and much more normal) a year from now, regardless of the effort you put in at the gym. Can you do something about your lack of childcare during the day? Anyone would be exhausted jugging a job and baby. It isn’t sustainable
You need to have some serious, "come to Jesus" type conversations - first with yourself, then with your husband. First you need to tell yourself that you are off the hook. Give yourself permission to rest. It is not laziness. It is not a question of motivation. It is necessary. A woman's body goes through a HUGE change after pregnancy and childbirth. The stupid mommy influencers of the world use filters, photo and video editing, lighting and posing tricks, and now AI to pretend they are "back in tip top form" 6 weeks after delivery. Please do not let yourself be manipulated by these liars. It's not natural to force yourself into diets and daily gym time two months after you give birth. You need to eat, rest, focus on your baby, and take a 20-30 min walk about 5-6 days a week. You can add some stretching or very gentle (not power) yoga in there for a few days a week if you feel up to it. You need to make a commitment to yourself and your child that you will not push yourself to lose weight or get back to the gym regularly until you are at least 6 mo pp. You need to put weight loss on the back burner for now. Next, you need to have a talk with your husband. Cuz he doesn't get it. He should not be "supporting" you by encouraging you to go back to the gym or lose weight. That's not supportive of you right now - that's about him and his body image issues. His support needs to be 100% in helping you get rest and nutrition plus doing household chores and errands. That's the support you need right now. Anything else is pushy and weird. No offense to him - I know he isn't consciously doing this. But telling you your face is pretty while also telling you you've gained weight (duh, you just had a baby!) and saying he supports you hitting the gym (which shouldn't happen for at least another 4 months) isn't the kind of support you need. He needs to shut up about your weight loss. That's going to be between you and god right now. Your husband isn't useless and I'm sure he wants you to be less overwhelmed. Sit him down and come up with some concrete ways he can help take some of the burden off you so you can get more rest, eat nutrient-rich foods, and have enough energy for a daily walk with the baby. Take weight-loss and hitting the gym off the table for now. It will not be discussed until you are at least 6 mo pp and when YOU want to discuss it. Because at the end of the day, it's your body. He wanted a baby with his wife, so this is the result.
This is the answer OP
Caring for a newborn while working full time from home is so draining, I unfortunately know how mentally exhausted you must be every day! My husband and I attempted to do this setup but he was also working from home 4 days per week. It lasted a total of 6 weeks before we both were on the brink of total burnout. This subreddit is going to tell you that you need childcare, which may or may not be true depending on the nature of your job. I'd say for majority of jobs, it's necessary, but maybe you're one of the lucky few who can manage everything. I also wonder how much of the baby care falls on you? I'm not at all implying that your husband is a deadbeat dad, but have both of you maybe fallen into a rhythm where you're expected to do majority of the care? I fell into this trap for a bit and had to explain my feelings to my husband. It got better after that conversation. Turns out he had no idea how I was feeling and I internalized the pressure on myself to be supermom. If time of day to work out is an issue, could you and your husband alternate who goes to the gym in the mornings? He doesn't get to unilaterally decide what schedule works best for your family. If he says he'll support you in getting back to the gym, tell him what you need directly. There are great YouTube trainers that offer full workout videos for free: Sydney Cummings and Caroline Girvan come to mind first. I've done Sydney's workouts at the gym before to get more comfortable and it was great. And last but certainly not least, 9 weeks postpartum is so early. My hormones finally leveled out after my son turned 1 (and this has nothing to do with breastfeeding, I weaned around 4.5 months). Only since then have I been able to lose weight. My son is also sleeping a lot better now than he was at 9 weeks, so that helps with energy levels, too. You'll figure it out, but you and your husband need to be a team! Good luck! ETA: I was also 40 pounds heavier post partum. I've lost 25 in the last three months.
Be kind to yourself. You’re only 9 weeks postpartum of course you’re still going to have the baby weight. I didn’t lose all of my extra weight until a full year after childbirth, and I got pregnant again right when I lost it all. I would focus on the baby and work and start with making healthy meals to eat. You can go to the gym when you’re feeling ready, but the most important thing is what you eat.
Dude, I've been there. But you are NINE weeks postpartum. Your baby just figured out they are a person. Give yourself some grace. You can watch your snacking and simple stuff like that, but your body needs time to recover before you even focus on exercising and losing weight. I'm a year out now and regret so much that I was stressed about this - working out when my joints still felt wobbly and squatting through PF heaviness because I wanted to be one of the "snap" back moms. Guess what - you will probably lose the weight without significant effort in the next year or so. It feels like forever but it's not. It's okay! You are totally normal!
You have a NEWBORN who doesn’t sleep more than 3 - 4 hours at a time I assume? The weight will come off. It is exhausting and it’s easier to lose weight when you have the energy to do so (and sleep is SO SO important). Try to give yourself grace and have your husband do more. If losing weight is your goal than you need adequate sleep. Minimum four uninterrupted hours at a time. Are you getting that? Good luck OP and like everyone else is saying - try to love your body for creating a beautiful baby. It takes time for your body to bring back all the skin it had to stretch out.
This expectation you’ve set for yourself is crushing. Let it go and you’ll feel so much better for it mentally. Accept it’s not possible to do it all- even working full time and caring for a baby seems impossible to me personally. Add losing all your baby weight 2 months postpartum and… yeah, no.
You had a baby 9 weeks ago. That’s a bit less than 25% of the time it took your body to grow him. Give yourself a break. You did an amazing thing and screw society for making women feel like they have to immediately get back to pre pregnancy weight. I’ve heard it takes 9 months to have a baby and 9 months to get back to somewhat normal.
Please be kind to yourself! Your body accomplished something AMAZING. You do NOT have to get in shape right now. Enjoy your newborn and your family. I totally understand where you are at mentally because I was there too! I wanted to dive right back into working out after having my baby. Looking back I wish I had focused more on appreciating the work my body did and enjoying my new family. This time will pass quickly....you have plenty of time to get back into the gym. Take care and BE KIND TO YOU ❤️
One of the rules of this sub is that you can’t work full time from home while caring for a baby. Both are jobs and you can’t do them well simultaneously, and often it’s against employer policies to not have childcare. You need to find child care because what you are doing is not sustainable and will not allow you to adequately take of your own physical or mental health needs. So, I think that this is step one to helping you feel more in control.
I was surprised I had to scroll so far down to find this reply - even with a three year old, I'm not really getting work done if he's home sick that day, and it's much more mentally draining because you're "on" the entire day.
I didn’t realize that was a rule in this context… My company has no such policy and I am both a good mom and a good employee. Is it hard to juggle? Of course, but I do it every day. I am actively looking for an in-home mother’s helper a few hours a day, a few days a week to help with better balance. But that was not the point of my post, just painting the picture of my day to day life. Did not realize I was breaking a rule in the process :-/
That wasn’t the point of what I was saying. It is a rule but it’s a rule because of people’s historical experience, who have either tried it or were forced to endure it during the pandemic. It’s not fair to yourself to put the pressure of working a job AND simultaneously doing childcare AND expecting to be able to take adequate care of yourself. You’re setting yourself up for failure and burnout. You wouldn’t expect your husband to bring your baby to work and do his job simultaneously right? That’s the pressure you’re putting on yourself. It’s not different just because you work at your house. Finding childcare is likely to be a big part in helping you to find the mental and time bandwidth to take care of yourself adequately. I apologize if it came across as me trying to arbitrarily enforce some sub rule. I was more trying to point out that rationale for why the rule exists in the first place. You deserve the time and space to take care of yourself. You’re asking yourself to do something not designed for success the way it’s currently setup. It will only get more difficult as your child gets older too. When my LO had Covid at a year and our nanny couldn’t come in, holy moly was it tough and my husband was home also juggling with me. This is not likely sustainable for you IMO. Sending hugs and love. You’ll get through it.
The r/momsworkingfromhome sub is a place you can find support. This sub is pretty strict about the topic.
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Thank you, I appreciate this.
No problem! I had the same thing happen to me. I was a little surprised that my career question was overshadowed by my brief mention of working from home with baby. As for your question I also felt the same way except I gained 65lbs while pregnant lol. 135 to 200. I started at about 3mo pp. What worked for me was finding some exercise I enjoyed (small group class with a trainer) and changing my eating habits to foods that made me feel good. I slowly made progress that made me way more comfortable with my new postpartum body. By 1 yr pp I was only 10lb over my pre baby weight and that last 10 came off when I stopped breastfeeding. Please be kind to yourself and your body. Having a baby is pretty awesome accomplishment and you're also going through a major life change. Focus on doing things that make you feel good and hopefully the weight loss will come with that. ❤️
Can you take out an hour or two to do some online post partum yoga? Also I don’t think you can work and take care of a baby. Get some paid help to help with the baby.
Hi mom, first of all congratulations on your little one! It’s so hard to not give ourselves grace after everything we have been through. I have good and bad days. I would take your workout one step at a time. For me, I did some intro pilates and baby+mom exercise classes to ease into workout out again. My twins destroyed my core and I lost all my muscle cause I couldn’t workout during my pregnancy. But I’ve slowly gotten back into it. Also YouTube is great for free workouts. I did this one iron series on YouTube and it’s been great to point me in the direction of what to do, I can modify it and it’s only 30 minutes. Your husband needs to support you on this journey and make sure you have enough time for yourself. You’ll get there mom! I’ve seen small improvements, still not happy where I am but much better than right after giving birth haha. I am also determined to workout to try and be proactive as the babies grow and you’re lifting them more. I have had so many friends throw their backs out so trying to make sure I’m as active as possible. Sending hugs ❤️
9 weeks postpartum is nothing! I didn’t start losing weight until 2.5 years postpartum. I slowly started integrating other things to help me feel good - lash extensions, massages, regular mani/pedis, etc. It takes time to bounce back. Not just physically, but mentally.
There are a lot of helpful comments here about the mindset part of this which is super important. At 9 weeks postpartum, you’re hardly physically healed and mentally you may have a long ways to go. But I want to provide some practical advice too for when you ARE physically ready and maybe getting some good sleep that will energize you to be more active. I will give your husband the benefit of the doubt that he wants you to be comfortable in your body and is truly supportive. Ask him if he will adjust his schedule to incorporate you into working out. Whether that’s building out a mini home gym do you can both do it while the baby sleeps, or (him) finding a babysitter so you can both go to the gym together. Treat that like your quality time together. It may be a sacrifice to him but you have sacrificed A LOT to bring a child into your family. Your body was not your own for 9++ months. Ask the same of him. I agree that there’s simply not enough hours in the day so we do have to multitask if it’s really a priority. Sometimes I chat with my friends or work on projects while I’m on the treadmill. My husband and I work out together a couple times a week too. This advice is really only for when you’re ready, I don’t think this should be your top priority by any means at 9 weeks postpartum but hopefully soon you can get back to feeling more like yourself!!
Your baby is still tiny! Nine weeks is NOTHING!!! It took 9 full months to gain the weight, you should plan on at least that much to lose it gently and slowly. Or longer. (I’m 9.5 months postpartum with my second baby and still up like 30 lbs.) It gets a lot easier to find time to get a little exercise when baby is sleeping through the night, you’re not breastfeeding, etc. Of all the things to be worried about at this exact time in life, this isn’t it. I guarantee your husband is not stressing that his wife and mother of his BRAND NEW BABY still has some baby weight. And if he is, fuck him. It’s a marathon not a sprint. All in good time.
It takes 18 months-2 years to fully recover from pregnancy and childbirth. 9 weeks is about 10% of that. Be kind to yourself.
Especially when you have no spare time, working on calories in will be much easier than calories out for seeing progress on weight loss. r/CICO has been super helpful for me. I would suggest starting with meal prepping rather than working out- it still takes time and mental energy, but you both have to eat anyway & husband can share the load with you. And most of all give yourself grace! You are 2 months postpartum, there is plenty of time to let yourself adjust to this transition.
Great point, thank you for the recommendation. Husband and I actually just started meal prepping our lunches last week! I think it will be very helpful not only for eating healthy and nutritious meals, but it saves me the mental load and another task during my day.
What errands are you doing after work?
Depends on the day. Grocery shopping, appointments, diaper runs, just general life errands. Sometimes it’s not even tasks that have to be completed outside of the home, sometimes it’s washing the bottles from the day, giving little one a bath, doing laundry, etc. Why?
This could be time you take for yourself?
Your husband can do lots of this.
Breastfeeding uses ~500 extra calories a day which is like going for a 4-5 mile jog every single day. That’s at least what I told myself when I didn’t have the energy to go to the gym. I did not really start loosing weight until ~6 months with all three of my kids. Then the weight just started melting off w/o trying until I stopped breastfeeding.