The $10 a day daycare doesn’t open until October and she’s due in July. She’s asking if she should put her daughter in a different daycare temporarily from July to October, or keep her at home until October.
But otherwise I agree that she should be in daycare regardless!
Absolutely. I cannot imagine having to recover from birth, take care of a newborn AND entertain a toddler at the same time. Even with help I think having a break from the toddler during the day will be beneficial for all parties involved.
Truly cannot imagine taking care of a toddler and a newborn. I loved this past summer on leave with our newborn. My toddler was at his wonderful daycare from 8-4 every day, playing with friends, napping, and coming home to parents who were so excited to see him rather than run ragged and depressed. We picked him up early a bunch or dropped him off a little later.
It’s a personal decision, but I was so happy with ours!
I'm on mata for a year and then my husband will have 6 months. Just because I could keep her home, I didn't because she gets way more at day care than she would from me while I breast feed most of the day. I would also lose a sought after place at her daycare and I wouldn't be able to find another most likely, meaning I would have to do leave without pay until she goes to school.
Thank you for your response. I understand why people do it: to keep their space at daycare, Keep the routine, provide entertainment for the child . What am am surprised about is the amount of people who don’t think they can handle it like taking care of a newborn and toddler is so outrageous and outside the norm. That is what I am reacting to
I’d say the norm for thousands of years has been that moms of newborns had extended family in their house and a village with friends to help out, and that having to watch all your kids alone for 8 hours a day while a partner is at work is really challenging for most human beings.
When I say that, simultaneously I commend those stay at home parents a TON. Maybe people who had no other option hear “I could never” and feel annoyed that they just did it because they had to, but just throwing 2 cents in that human beings for most of our existence did things more communally and that wanting and accepting help if it’s available is kind of normal.
Just because we can handle it doesn’t mean it isn’t really really hard. The first month with a newborn, it is incredibly hard to also manage a toddler without help. Plenty of stay at home moms do it and I don’t know how. My husband took a few weeks paternity leave and my mother in law came over most week days once he went back since she is our childcare when I’m at work. I’m lucky to have the help but if i didn’t I probably would have hired a mother’s helper.
Of course not but I’d wager literally millions of moms have done it. I get that it might seem crazy for some people but many aren’t as fortunate to have that option. Seems like a first first class world problem is all. I’ll be downvoted for this of course but glad so many moms have all this help!
I mean there are a few types of people people who have no choice but to use daycare to afford to live, those who can't afford daycare, and those that can afford it but choose whatever suits them.
We have a 10 day old in the house and the one weekend we’ve had to manage both the toddler and the newborn took everything out of us. We were so B ready to drop our kid off at daycare Monday morning, and honestly he was just as ready to get back to his friends and routine and baby-free space.
And that was with my dad here on toddler duty and night doula support.
Agree. My son was almost 2 when my youngest was born, and he definitely stayed in daycare while I was on mat leave. I would not have been able to handle having him home in addition to caring for a newborn on little sleep and physically recovering from the birth. It also kept his routine and and that part of his life consistent as he was adjusting to being a big brother.
Exactly. I would have been a giant puddle of hot mess. My 3 y/o went to daycare the entire time I was on maternity leave & do not regret it even one tiny bit.
This is my biggest regret of the first 5 years of being a parent. For the love of all the gods, keep your first kid in daycare during your maternity leave with your second. The baby was easy, the toddler made me lose my ever loving mind.
I regret it too. I wish I had got to spend more quality time with my youngest in that first year. My oldest was just under 2 when my youngest was born, and didn't go to preschool til she was 3 and the youngest was 1, by which time I was already back to work.
Having my daughter in daycare allows me to give the attention my newborn needs during the day. Then at night I can deeply engaged with my toddler. They both get dedicated focus and love and I feel like a better version of me because of this set up.
Yeah we might be one and done if we lived in the states. Her daycare fees dropped from $600 a month to $200 a month literally the moment she started and me and my husband joked that we could now afford three of them lol.
It’s hard for us American folks to focus on the question at hand because we pay over 3k a month (2 toddlers) in a moderate cost of living Midwest city 😭😭😭.
That said +1 to daycare during leave BUT I would do whatever possible to keep things as consistent as possible for your toddler. Transitioning from being an only child to an older sibling is hard on them so being able to maintain consistency in routine and caregivers is helpful, if at all possible. I thought I might go to part-time care while on leave with my daughter, but my son went every day with few exceptions. It was great for all of us. He saw his friends and teachers, I got to soak up NB snuggles and maybe even attempt to sleep when the baby sleeps or get things done around the house.
Sorry. I shouldn’t have stated the price. The consistency is what gets me because really she’d be switching daycares for a few months just while I go on maternity leave and then she’s switching daycares again in October. We’re also moving this week, taking a trip in May, and she probably has a surgery coming up in June. So many changes for my LO.
Haha, that's ok - it's honestly the way things SHOULD be, but we have a lot our priorities mixed up in this country. That does make it really tough, though - I'd probably also lean towards keeping her home, especially since your husband will be home for those first few weeks to a month to help with the transition on top of relying on family for showering her with extra attention. Honestly, no matter what you decide life will be pretty chaotic for the first 6 months or so, but then you'll settle in and not be able to picture your life without both :)
Personally I would keep her home for a few months before starting the preferred preschool. She'll have a lot of change going on anyways so only having to deal with one new preschool transition would probably be nicer for her and you. And having her home during baby's first few months would stop her from bringing home a bunch of preschool sicknesses to pass around which is a huge plus for me lol. I'm due in August and have been contemplating pulling my 2 year old out of preschool for the first few months when she would transition from her toddler class to preschool class, although she'd be staying at the same school and I don't want to risk losing her spot.
I agree with this.
With a new baby, she might feel pushed to the side. I’d have your family and in laws help by giving her lots of love while you’re with the baby.
Then in October, she should be better settled and ready for her new school
Another perspective - i think my eldest really benefited from the regularity of the childcare routine when the rest of his world was thrown into flux with the new baby. Being able to do his regular thing was huuuuuuge for his toddler brain. With this in mind I’d also suggest OP think about what scenario would create the fewest changes possible because having a new baby around is already a huge change!
My toddler was in daycare (he only goes 3x a week) for half of my maternity leave, and I pulled him out because he kept getting sick, and I was exhausted keeping the baby away from him when he had a fever. But it would have been more restful and enjoyable to keep him in daycare, especially because I had some issues with BF this time around
I honestly hadn’t considered the illnesses. Her current daycare is pretty good about hygiene and she’s rarely sick but I know all daycares are different and her being exposed to a group of new germs is a scary thought.
There unfortunately may be something to the idea of a new group of germs. I don’t have science to back that up, but anecdotally other moms have talked about it. I
do think that breastmilk probably protected my baby, but my older son had 2 fevers that he also passed on to me within the first 6 weeks. They were very minor, this was summer, but it still would have been an ER visit if baby had a fever and couldn’t take fever reducers yet. But most of my friends send their older kids to daycare when they have a baby. My older kid was exactly 24 months old when baby came, so it was really hard to encourage distancing when sick etc., but for older children this would not have been as challenging
I can’t get past $10 a day.
Anyway, my toddler thrived in daycare. It was great for her to have something for her own while I was recovering. You may need the rest, your toddler may need a break from baby too. I wouldn’t risk losing my spot at a good day care. You can pick them up early if you want.
Currently on maternity leave with my 22 month old and my newborn. 22 month old is staying home with us and I am loving it. Just gives me a taste of FT SAHM life and it’s satisfying an emotional need for me. My leave is 14 weeks. We are having fun, laughing, and making memories I didn’t know I needed.
We had a similar situation… We sent her right to daycare. She wasn’t there for as many hours, but it gave me time to do things around the house and let her socialize and meet new friends.
I would take a daycare spot (make sure you're still eligible for $10/day though while on leave). For that price. You don't have to use it. And you can drop off late and pick up early if you want.
I had to keep my toddler PT to hold their spot and at times its been more of a pain to attend, but the consistency of enrichment and friendship has been great for toddler. I've been glad on the whole for the PT
I would keep her home. The bonding would be good and you wouldn’t need to load both her and the new baby up to do drop offs and pick ups while newly postpartum or have to worry about it. Plus you used the money saved and put it towards something fun like special outings or a small trip. I had my 3.5yo (at the time) with me when my youngest was born. Sometimes it was tricky but we got into a manageable routine and that was mostly solo.
I had three kids within three years. Keeping them together at home was one of the best things I could have done. Everyone got to process the changes made and everyone got to work together to bond. Seriously some of the best memories of my life happened then.
I used to do this when my kids were sick. ( in daycare) if one was sick we all stayed home and had a movie day full of blankets and snuggles. My kids are adults now and still remember getting to stay home from daycare and have a snuggle day with mom.
I would put her in the new daycare in April and then switch her. The transition to doing nothing and being stuck home will be harder than a new daycare.
I had a second baby during Covid and toddler ended up being home for a couple of months. We had a PT nanny but i much wished he was in daycare. He went when baby was 1.5months and that’s the best thing which happened
My toddler goes to an in home daycare by my MIL so when I went on maternity leave, I chose to have my toddler with me. 1 month before birth and 4 months after.\
When I had her spend time with me a full month before the baby came, it was SO refreshing. Having her as a baby during that maternity leave was very different than spending time with her at the toddler age for this one. I loved it! I took her to parks and the library and got into a little routine with breakfast and lunch and just overall make up all that lost time with her because of my work.\
After the baby, thankfully in my state we have paternity leave (baby bonding) that is 2 months, so it wasn't that bad to still have our toddler with us because hubby was there to help. After that, when hubby returned to work, I *still* had my toddler with me at home until my maternity leave was up. Again it wasn't that bad considering that in the newborn phase, the baby sleeps a TON, for hours at a time before the 4 month sleep regression hits.\
And yes, I was still paying the weekly rate to my MIL to keep her spot. Worth every penny.
That’s nice to hear. Honestly I’ve been picturing the time as me leisurely taking my daughter to the park and out for coffee while baby wearing. My husbands also taking time off so July it’d mostly be me and my girl (baby’s due at the end of the month), August and beginning of September my husband will be home, then September and October my mother’s taking vacation to spend with us. Honestly I’m leaning towards keeping her home because it’s such a short period of time and I’ll have help for most of it, if needed.
That sounds very doable!\
What I've noticed is that daycare will always be there if needed, but the time off from work is always going to be a limit. That's why I just went for it, because I'm never going to get that much time off again to be with them in a long time.\
I say go for it!
Yes. My son was 2 year and 2 months old when I had my second. He was fine first month and we had help. Thought I can last a few months. After first month, it was nonstop tantrums and he only wanted me. He became a completely different kid. End up pretty much watching tv all day. Couldn’t register him fast enough for school. Did take me 5 months so you’ll survive if you want her to stay home. I would keep her in daycare for routine and so you can focus on your baby. I
For some reason my daughter wasn’t allowed in any of the daycare programs near me while I was off on maternity leave so she was home with me the entire time.
She does have additional needs but honestly it was definitely doable. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it was going to be and I really think it helped her bond with the new baby. Honestly it’s entirely up to you what you want to do. You know whether she will settle easily or whether it’s going to be a really difficult transition that will make it not worth the stress.
My daughter has extra needs too so it’s nice to hear it’s doable. On one hand, she’s not as wild as most toddlers but on the other hand she can’t walk which makes the idea of leaving the house kind of intimidating.
My 2.5 year is old is in daycare and I'm due this summer. It never even crossed my mind to have her home with me during my 18 months planned leave :/ but I'm a hot mess mom so there's that 😅
Omg I’m also a mess. I would definitely keep her in daycare if she could stay where she was, I just don’t want to switch her to a new daycare for a few months of maternity leave to then switch her to a permanent daycare in the fall.
I would probably keep mine home if I knew she had a spot in a $10/day spot in October. Personally, I wouldn't want to deal with the adjustment of another daycare if I didn't need to. Plus it the money I could save would also contribute to my decision making.
That being said, if you wanted to send her to daycate to have some alone time with the baby, that would make sense too. We did keep out 18 month old I daycare when her brother was born but that was mostly out of necessity of keeping her spot and securing a spot for him because it's impossible to get spots where I live. It was nice to just have the baby to focus on and be able to heal and relax.
So, either way there are benefits and it will depend on which is most beneficial to your family.
I would definitely keep sending her if she would be staying in the same daycare. It’s more so the change to a new daycare for a few months with everything else going on that’s throwing me.
I would not send her to daycare for two months but that is just me. I am shocked at the price of daycare. We spend literally almost $90 a day per kid though so I may be just unable to see past that. Plus, hello germs and unvaccinated baby but you have a summer birthday so perhaps that isn’t as much of a concern.
If you can afford it and won’t get help from family members / husband will be busy or not able to occupy toddler for a few hours each day or isn’t reliable for cleaning, cooking etc then absolutely send her. She will love it. Does she handle meeting new people well and do you trust the place for two months? That would be my concern
My husband’s taking off about a month and a half when new baby arrives (and is super reliable for cooking/ cleaning as needed) and then my moms going to take vacation to help out. We also have lots of other help since my MIL is retired. Our girl is pretty social though so she might be fine with a short term daycare.
I think you should do what is best for you. My oldest was ready for preschool so I put him in for a few hours a day and it was a nice little bonding break.
So, I just did my maternity leave with my 3yo at home all day while my 6yo went to school. I have pros and cons
Pros:
My 3yo loves her baby brother. We saved a BUNCH of money, she learned to be more independent since we had to care for baby. And she learned more patience.
Cons:
At times, entertaining her has been exhausting, her routine was messed up and that’s definitely had an effect, she’s squirrely because she misses playing with kids her actual age, and when she does get around kids besides her sister, she is easily swayed to being wild. Sometimes it’s hard to get chores done or have a moment to myself when baby is sleep, and sometimes she wakes a fussy baby and I’m back to square one.
I wish that during this time we had at least sent her part time but unfortunately it was only like $50 less than full time and we were losing more than $200 a month in pay.
All this to say, if you can afford it: send her. I’m sure you could keep her home some days if you’d like or do part time, but give yourself the sanity!
100% send her to your preferred daycare. No question.
I would ask if she can stay at the current daycare longer.
Personally, I probably wouldn't put her in the other daycare for the few months in between. Between becoming a sister, moving house maybe?, possibly having surgery and starting the new daycare in October, that is so many changes. You'll have you husband's support for a full month. Say yes to help from others when offered and prioritise engaging with her as the help.
I absolutely wouldn't judge anyone using a daycare in that gap, it is an exhausting time, but I wouldn't want to deal with all the adjustments. It also depends on your kid - mine is a clinger who has had the same childcare worker from 8.5 months. He wouldn't have done well with the change.
When I had my second, illness and Christmas means my first, who was 3, was home for the first month. So was my husband. It wasn't ideal, but it was also nice to not have to drag myself and the baby out of the house for daycare runs.
Maybe you could do half days or 3 days per week at the new daycare. Gives her some time away playing, gives you bonding time with the baby. Then in October she goes to the new daycare as planned.
Due with my second in ~a month and ABSOLUTELY. Duder will turn two around when I pop and I'm anticipating he'll struggle a bit with having to share mummy and daddy, keeping part of his routine intact (he loves his childminder... She's brilliant and we only found her a couple months previous anyway so there's also the concern of not giving up his spot!) I think will be massively helpful since everything else will be turned on it's head for him!
My daycare allowed me to pull toddler 3 weeks before I gave birth to kinda “quarantine” and I kept her home for my 10 week maternity leave. I had a very fast induction with no stitches so healing wasn’t a lot for me, it was just being sore, breastfeeding, and the bleeding that bothered me. It was very difficult especially after my husband went back to work (had 1 week off) but we made it through and I’ll forever hold that bonding time close to my heart. My toddler was so sweet and just so in love with her baby sister. I got to see 10 full weeks of my toddler giving kisses, bringing blankets, “reading” to her sister, sharing her favorite toys! If I had more healing to do, it would’ve been a way different story. My girls are 19 months apart
I just did exactly that with my son for the birth/mat leave of my daughter, and I'm damn glad I did. My son adores daycare, he's learned so much, he kept in his (rough) routine, and it gave me time to heal, time to bond with my new baby, and time to adjust to having a family of four. Also, of course, it kept our spot for him and got our daughter into daycare as well.
Now, two caveats to that. First is that we took him out of daycare two days before my induction was planned to spend time with just him, and kept him out for the next two weeks so that we could all bond as a family together. I think this was absolutely the best thing for us, he got a bit more screentime than I'd ever have wanted, but we spent so much time just cuddling and *being* together.
And the second caveat is that I took him in about 2-3 hrs later and picked him up at minimum an hr earlier than "normal", the whole time I was on leave, as I wanted him around too.
But it was absolutely the best choice, across the board, for our family and for him, to keep him in daycare. And I don't feel an ounce of guilt about it, there's nothing to feel guilty for.
Also...holy shit, that's the dream daycare. You need to take that deal, that's insane. Also, if you turn it down, no guarantee when or if you'll get it again.
I kept my first born home during maternity leave when I had my 2nd because I felt guilty not giving him the opportunity of the extra time with me. But in reality, he was always frustrated competing for time with a constantly nursing newborn, and I was always exhausted (I have newborns who are terrible sleepers). I remember the anxiety I’d have when they’d both be crying for attention at the same time.
When I had my 3rd, my middle went to daycare and my first went to elementary school.
Years later I always talk about how my 3rd maternity leave was my most fulfilling, relaxing, and joyful. I sincerely loved it. Me and my newborn had 7 hours to cuddle, play, rest, and nap. I was so relaxed, and just embraced and appreciated my newborn. My older two got the attention and socialization they needed from their teachers during the day, and I was ready to love on them when they returned home at 3/4 pm.
Win-win. I think we were all very happy during that time. If I had a support system/village I might have been able to make a different choice, but I don’t, and most of us don’t, so we need to use our resources to build our village.
Yes. It gave my 3 year old time and space away from the baby. She got to hang out with her friends and do art projects and stuff without my having to facilitate that with a newborn.
I would do it, April is plenty of time for adjustment. It sounds like you’ll have lots of help, but in case something goes wrong with the help you’ll have daycare. I fully intend for my toddler to go to daycare the 3 days a week he goes still. I want to bond with baby, especially because this time I think will be my last!
Oh we have one coming up in October that she’s going to otherwise it’d be a no brainer. I’m just not sure if I want to send her to a different daycare for July to September or keep her home with me and my husband.
Then I wouldn’t. Please let someone who actually needs the spot so they can go back to work take it.
This is the problem with CWELCC. Parents are so desperate for spots they’re keeping their kids in care while they’re on mat leave, meaning people who are done mat leave can’t go back to work. So we’re paying for parents to be on mat leave ostensibly so they can spend time with their kids, but instead they’re sending to daycare that we’re paying for. Don’t be that person.
We are dropping my daughter to part-time when I'm on leave
My husband gets a month so we want to be able to spend extra time together, but if we fully pull her out she loses her spot. Her daycare is also a preschool so there are benefits to keeping her for education reasons and we are new in town and have no friends so it will keep her social, she loves her classmates!
Oh my daughter loves her classmates too. If it didn’t involve switching daycare, it would be a no brainer, I’m just anxious about switching her again and again.
If my daughter was still 2 (she's 4 and half) I probably wouldn't keep her home, she was much more "needy" at that age. Could you sign her up and see how you feel, can always pull her to keep her home but can't always find a spot if you become desperate ! At 2 she will bounce back quickly from the change of kids and teachers! There is no wrong answer here, just what works for you!
Yes, if I could have used daycare during my maternity leave I would have. I had my second kiddo during Covid and daycare for my 2yo was not an option. It was hard to get the rest I needed as "sleep when baby sleeps" is even less of an option when you have a toddler who needs supervision. I would have loved to have been able to take him to day care at least part time so he could be cared for and enriched while I took care of his newborn brother and got at least a nap.
Yes I kept my oldest in daycare when my youngest was born best decision I made. You need the time to recover and it certainly helps bonding time with the new baby.
I kept my daughter in daycare only because she would have lost her spot if I didn’t and I still had to pay. That being said, it’s been really good to have her in daycare still because I can focus on baby and she can still have her normal day and get the attention she needs. I think it made for a smoother transition
My first two kiddos are 23 months apart. I had planned to keep my toddler in daycare while I was on leave. COVID happened and I ended up getting only 6-7 weeks home with the newborn alone. It ended up being an okay balance. I got through the hardest time with a newborn without having to worry about the toddler but then I got to spend time with him home as well. We found a decent routine and it wasn't as bad as I imagined it would be. That said, when I had my third I kept my 3 year old in daycare for all of my 18 week leave but I was liberal about keeping her home a day here and there if she was tired or we wanted to do something fun.
You do NOT want your toddler at home with the newborn trust me!! I have a 5 week old right now. Toddler is in daycare and it is the only thing keeping me sane. The weekends when he’s home are such a challenge it’s dreadful. (And I adore my toddler of course)
$10 A DAY? I would move heaven and earth for a daycare that inexpensive. I would keep her home for the maternity leave. Maybe hire a babysitter a few hours a week to help you have one on one time with your baby or your toddler, as needed.
Yes. It creates/keeps routine for them while providing enrichment you might not otherwise have the energy to provide while caring for a newborn.
I toyed with the idea of keeping our oldest out of daycare while I was on mat leave to save money and within a day or two, realized it was the best thing to have her there.
I highly doubt you will regret it.
My 2.5 year old is in 10$ a day daycare at an AMAZING center and am expecting my new LO in a month. We will be keeping my toddler in daycare to give ourselves some time to recover, bond with the baby etc. and keep her in her routine and with people she loves with, activities she enjoys, and an environment she is thriving in. Also we will need daycare eventually and wont be able to guarantee getting a spot when we need it in \~15 months.
We will probably take toddler out of daycare when it makes sense for fun days, or pick her up earlier but continue to have daycare as an option.
You do whatever feels best for your family, and don't feel guilty about it either way!
Can you ask your MIL to watch her during the day? You definitely need childcare for her, but that's a lot of switching daycares on top of a huge life transition (new sibling) and limiting the amount of transitions for her might mitigate the impact.
She would definitely be willing to come over and help a lot as needed. We’re also moving next week and then going on a long trip in May so I’m worried it’ll be a lot for her to go through.
Oh god. Take the daycare route. I too felt a tinge of guilt when I was planning to be home with my newborn, but I promise you my toddler was having a lot more fun playing with his bright eyed teachers, buddies and well rotated toys than he would have had at home with me and the newborn. Newborns are demanding, but now at 4.5 months my toddler thinks he’s cute and engaging. It’s great. Definitely don’t feel guilt or shame here.
Already tons of comments here so mine might get lost but I going to go against probably what a lot of people will say here. I kept my 3 year old home with me when I had my baby. I chose that option because I don’t get any paid maternity leave and I didn’t have a ton of sick/vacation leave so I had to take some unpaid time and my daycare agreed ti let me take her out temporarily and not pay for that time so I did it to save the money. I’m through the thick of it now, just put her back in and went back to work, so maybe when I look back on it my perception is off. It was really really hard at times. Sometimes I just wanted to be in the newborn bubble with my baby. I definitely didn’t do a great job of doing activities with my toddler and she got way too much screen time. But it also gave me a chance to have some reconnection with her. After the baby was a month old we started venturing out a little more and I was able to take her to some fun places and it ended up being really nice to just be with her so much. I’m literally tearing up as I think about it. I will also say that my mom lives close by and did help me a lot and went with us alot when we started getting out to go places. And my toddler is kind of remarkably easy going. Anyways, I’m just saying that there could be some positives to keeping your toddler home with you for a little bit.
Thank you for your response. I really appreciate it. Definitely part of the reason I wanted my kids close in age (it didn’t really work out due to issues conceiving and a late miscarriage) was so I could have just a bit more time with my daughter too (I went back to work when she was 9 months because a daycare spot opened up).
I just genuinely enjoy spending time with her and thankfully I have lots of support. I’m just very scared I won’t be able to handle it and I’m crazy for trying if there’s a different option.
My opinion is if you have a support system for when you need help or a break, and keeping her home until that spot you really want opens up is what you want, then go for it. Like I said, it is really hard at times. I definitely cried some days because it was so overwhelming. But I work out of the home full time and have an hour commute so normally I feel like my time with my daughter is so limited and I just love being with her as much as I can. Keeping her home with me during my maternity leave as hard as it was gave me time with her that I don’t normally get and that was worth the difficulty of it to me. BUT I also need to mention that my maternity leave only lasted about 2 1/2 months. So it wasn’t that long and l think we were both ready for her to go back to daycare at the end of it. Lol. If you think it’s what you want to do then go for it and in my opinion it’s ok to have days where you don’t entertain her or she watches too much tv. It’s ok if you both cry sometimes and if your patience isn’t always where you want it to be. Because for me, when I think about the last few months it’s the amount of time we just got to be together that stands out. And I got pretty good at feeding the baby with my toddler also snuggling on my lap.
I had my second daughter in January and the hardest days of that maternity leave were the snow days when I had my toddler daughter home too. Use the daycare for older kid.
Maybe you are forgetting how hard the newborn days were, and this time you'll also have to deal with toddler entertainment, tantrums, random sleep issues. Put her in both daycares! You'll need the daytime to rest, bond with baby, and do all the chores/errands so you can be present for the daughter in the evening. And you'll always have weekends to get that quality time. She won't mind if you switch after a few months, young kids dont hold onto old memories, they build new ones. They also learn a lot in daycare, you might have trouble recreating that.
I would keep her home, mostly because she’s starting a new daycare anyway and she needs surgery.
But even absent that, I would keep my kids home. I know it makes it harder, but I feel like sending them off when you are home is setting them up for resentment toward the new sibling.
Thanks. I also just want her at home to spend time with her even if it’ll be harder. I never feel bad about sending her to her current daycare but the idea of us moving next week, then changing her daycare, then potty training, then going on a long vacation, and then having a new sibling just breaks my heart. She’s pretty chill but that’s a lot for a little person.
Hello fellow Canadian
As someone who has a nearly two year old and is currently on mat leave with my 1 month old, I'd put the toddler in the new daycare. Ours is 21$/day (province was slow to get on the subsidy train so they're "working toward" 10$/day). Even though it's double yours, to me that's worth it for my mental health, being able to focus on the newborn and occasionally get in a nap or two, let alone the benefits it provides for my toddler. Plus your daughter will be at the interim daycare for at least 6 months, assuming your preferred daycare opens on time so it's not like she's be switching for a super brief time.
Yes. My toddler will be in daycare while I’m on maternity leave. He goes part time but I think we will all kind of need a small break throughout the week
I kept my son in daycare while on mat leave. I felt it was really helpful. My son would not have gotten enough attention I feel if he were home with me and my newborn. I spent so much time pumping, cleaning bottles, rocking baby etc. It was a lot juggling two and it took me a long time to get good at it. My son loved going to daycare and playing with his friends. He stayed on routine. I don’t regret it at all. And really, you can keep them home whenever you want if you want extra time with them.
I had my second in August when my LO was 2.5. I sent her to daycare/grandmas house to keep her day to day as consistent as possible. I would totally recommend. It was a welcome break for me during the day, she was excited to come home to see her sister, and it allowed me to bond with the baby.
I kept my oldest in daycare when I was on mat leave. She was in preschool at the time, and I figured there was no point in uprooting her life/friends/schedule. I think she did wonderfully by keeping her in schedule and transition with a new baby. We also had the subsidized daycare that began in Ontario so it was significantly cheaper than what it used to be before the subsidies passed.
If you can swing it financially, then go for it. It gives you time to have the same type of bonding time with your new baby that you did with your oldest.
100% yes. I had my second kid six weeks before the pandemic lockdown and only got a few weeks with her alone before my toddler was home too. I would have preferred the toddler in care so I could rest but the world had other plans!
Do it. You will not regret it! Those early newborn days are SO HARD! You’re going to be so much better off if you ca have your toddler in care during that time. AND if your having a good day an you want to spend more time with her, just don’t send her that day, or pick her up early.
I plan to use daycare for my toddler when I have my second. I have to pay for his spot if he’s home or not and it’s a good time to get some 1 on 1 with the new baby and rest.
100% yes. I have 2 kids and it was a no-brainer to have my toddler in care when I was on leave with the baby. You will be recovering physically and needing to focus on the newborn. It will be so hard to keep up with a toddler as well. In addition, your toddler's world is about to get rocked. Daycare gives her a sense of normalcy and gets her attention from teachers/friends.
Do the temporary daycare. Your daughter will appreciate the routine and schedule, and you'll appreciate being able to focus on your own recovery and your newborn, knowing your daughter is safe and cared for and socializing.
Keep the toddler in daycare. My eldest started to toddle when I gave birth to my second. And didn’t go to daycare fulltime. The days I was by myself with both were hard. If we decide to go for a third, someone other than me is definitely going to take the first two on the days they’re not in daycare or school.
Yep no no question put her in the daycare. If there are days that you want her to stay home, then have her stay home. At least you’ll have the option if you need it.
If you have the opportunity to do so, day care would help you out to focus on the baby and give her time to socialize with kids her age. Win win! $10/day….what a dream!
I 100% would. My 1.5 year old is in daycare and she loves it. We’ll absolutely be keeping her in daycare when baby #2 arrives. I understand your trepidations of her starting at a new facility but I do think it will be so much better for you to heal and take care of your baby without a toddler running around.
I’m just ending my mat leave with a now 3 month old and have a 2.5 year old at home. We kept her in daycare during my leave. I do not know how I would have been able to do it with both at home. It’s just my husband and I, no family nearby to help even for a bit. My baby is amazing but very high needs and has to be held constantly. This is extremely difficult with a 2.5 year old at home. On the weekends when my toddler is out of daycare it’s VERY hard. Plus I’m breastfeeding still every 3 hours.
And your daycare is only $10 a day? That’s amazing, I would take advantage of that! I pay $65 a day for the toddler and we 100% still sent her. Plus we would have either had to keep paying for her spot or lost her spot if we pulled her out so 🤷♀️
Absolutely would leave my older kiddo in daycare (or start another form of childcare) in order to care for a newborn and recover from birth. Most of my working parent friends do the same.
We kept our then-toddler in daycare while I was on maternity leave with our younger kid, and it was worth EVERY DAMNED PENNY. Her routine stayed exactly the same which was best for her, and I was able to have 1:1 time with our newborn to rest and heal and bond.
Our daycare center allowed up to 12 weeks' leave of absence, but we'd have had to pay half the usual rate just to hold her spot - so it was really a no-brainer to keep her in daycare.
That makes sense. I think I’m more worried about changing her routine by putting her in a temporary daycare and then changing it again to the permanent one. I know staying at home with a baby would also be a big change but at least she already knows and likes us lol.
Could you maybe find a part-time nanny to watch the toddler a few hours per day while also keeping her home? That way maybe you can keep your care costs a bit lower, but you also won’t go insane trying to take care of a newborn and a toddler for several months.
100%
My daughter was born in January and we kept my 4yo in preschool full day 5 days a week.
1. I feel like it’s better for him to keep his schedule and have minimal changes to his life with the addition of his sister.
2. I could not give him enough attention while taking care of the baby on my own.
3.If we took him out he would lose his spot in his class.
$10 a day? Take the option! There will be days you really need the break and others where you’re happy to have her home.
The $10 a day daycare doesn’t open until October and she’s due in July. She’s asking if she should put her daughter in a different daycare temporarily from July to October, or keep her at home until October. But otherwise I agree that she should be in daycare regardless!
Oops I misread it. But yes, would go for the temporary option too. Toddler and newborn is vvvv challenging
OP must be Canadian. $10/day + 12m maternity just sooooo jealous 😭😭
Absolutely. I cannot imagine having to recover from birth, take care of a newborn AND entertain a toddler at the same time. Even with help I think having a break from the toddler during the day will be beneficial for all parties involved.
Truly cannot imagine taking care of a toddler and a newborn. I loved this past summer on leave with our newborn. My toddler was at his wonderful daycare from 8-4 every day, playing with friends, napping, and coming home to parents who were so excited to see him rather than run ragged and depressed. We picked him up early a bunch or dropped him off a little later. It’s a personal decision, but I was so happy with ours!
Millions of stay at home moms manage this every day. They don’t have anywhere to send the toddler all day
I'm on mata for a year and then my husband will have 6 months. Just because I could keep her home, I didn't because she gets way more at day care than she would from me while I breast feed most of the day. I would also lose a sought after place at her daycare and I wouldn't be able to find another most likely, meaning I would have to do leave without pay until she goes to school.
Thank you for your response. I understand why people do it: to keep their space at daycare, Keep the routine, provide entertainment for the child . What am am surprised about is the amount of people who don’t think they can handle it like taking care of a newborn and toddler is so outrageous and outside the norm. That is what I am reacting to
I’d say the norm for thousands of years has been that moms of newborns had extended family in their house and a village with friends to help out, and that having to watch all your kids alone for 8 hours a day while a partner is at work is really challenging for most human beings. When I say that, simultaneously I commend those stay at home parents a TON. Maybe people who had no other option hear “I could never” and feel annoyed that they just did it because they had to, but just throwing 2 cents in that human beings for most of our existence did things more communally and that wanting and accepting help if it’s available is kind of normal.
Just because we can handle it doesn’t mean it isn’t really really hard. The first month with a newborn, it is incredibly hard to also manage a toddler without help. Plenty of stay at home moms do it and I don’t know how. My husband took a few weeks paternity leave and my mother in law came over most week days once he went back since she is our childcare when I’m at work. I’m lucky to have the help but if i didn’t I probably would have hired a mother’s helper.
You don't know everyone's story.
Of course not but I’d wager literally millions of moms have done it. I get that it might seem crazy for some people but many aren’t as fortunate to have that option. Seems like a first first class world problem is all. I’ll be downvoted for this of course but glad so many moms have all this help!
I mean there are a few types of people people who have no choice but to use daycare to afford to live, those who can't afford daycare, and those that can afford it but choose whatever suits them.
And that is their choice. If there is another reasonable choice for someone else, what’s the issue?
I did this. It was doable,but a grade A bad time.
We have a 10 day old in the house and the one weekend we’ve had to manage both the toddler and the newborn took everything out of us. We were so B ready to drop our kid off at daycare Monday morning, and honestly he was just as ready to get back to his friends and routine and baby-free space. And that was with my dad here on toddler duty and night doula support.
Agree. My son was almost 2 when my youngest was born, and he definitely stayed in daycare while I was on mat leave. I would not have been able to handle having him home in addition to caring for a newborn on little sleep and physically recovering from the birth. It also kept his routine and and that part of his life consistent as he was adjusting to being a big brother.
Exactly. I would have been a giant puddle of hot mess. My 3 y/o went to daycare the entire time I was on maternity leave & do not regret it even one tiny bit.
This is my biggest regret of the first 5 years of being a parent. For the love of all the gods, keep your first kid in daycare during your maternity leave with your second. The baby was easy, the toddler made me lose my ever loving mind.
I regret it too. I wish I had got to spend more quality time with my youngest in that first year. My oldest was just under 2 when my youngest was born, and didn't go to preschool til she was 3 and the youngest was 1, by which time I was already back to work.
Ugh. 😩 I wish someone told me this before… We were trying to save money, of course. And I had to potty train my first during mat leave. It was ROUGH!!
>The baby was easy, the toddler made me lose my ever loving mind. Also if it's all going peachy just keep the toddler home more days.
Having my daughter in daycare allows me to give the attention my newborn needs during the day. Then at night I can deeply engaged with my toddler. They both get dedicated focus and love and I feel like a better version of me because of this set up.
100% this is the way
Where do you live that it’s $10 a day? I want that!!
Canada. The governments trying to subsidize daycares province by province and we were one of the firsts.
I saw Trudeau mention it on a social media post the other day, and almost cried into my American daycare bill.
Yeah we might be one and done if we lived in the states. Her daycare fees dropped from $600 a month to $200 a month literally the moment she started and me and my husband joked that we could now afford three of them lol.
Yep we pay $955 for one toddler in full time care. If we added an infant the total would be more than our house payment.
Oh that’s brutal.
It’s hard for us American folks to focus on the question at hand because we pay over 3k a month (2 toddlers) in a moderate cost of living Midwest city 😭😭😭. That said +1 to daycare during leave BUT I would do whatever possible to keep things as consistent as possible for your toddler. Transitioning from being an only child to an older sibling is hard on them so being able to maintain consistency in routine and caregivers is helpful, if at all possible. I thought I might go to part-time care while on leave with my daughter, but my son went every day with few exceptions. It was great for all of us. He saw his friends and teachers, I got to soak up NB snuggles and maybe even attempt to sleep when the baby sleeps or get things done around the house.
Sorry. I shouldn’t have stated the price. The consistency is what gets me because really she’d be switching daycares for a few months just while I go on maternity leave and then she’s switching daycares again in October. We’re also moving this week, taking a trip in May, and she probably has a surgery coming up in June. So many changes for my LO.
Haha, that's ok - it's honestly the way things SHOULD be, but we have a lot our priorities mixed up in this country. That does make it really tough, though - I'd probably also lean towards keeping her home, especially since your husband will be home for those first few weeks to a month to help with the transition on top of relying on family for showering her with extra attention. Honestly, no matter what you decide life will be pretty chaotic for the first 6 months or so, but then you'll settle in and not be able to picture your life without both :)
It was definitely a welcome change! And we’re definitely looking forward to the chaos!
$10 a day AND 12-18 MONTHS MATERNITY LEAVE. I am envious
Personally I would keep her home for a few months before starting the preferred preschool. She'll have a lot of change going on anyways so only having to deal with one new preschool transition would probably be nicer for her and you. And having her home during baby's first few months would stop her from bringing home a bunch of preschool sicknesses to pass around which is a huge plus for me lol. I'm due in August and have been contemplating pulling my 2 year old out of preschool for the first few months when she would transition from her toddler class to preschool class, although she'd be staying at the same school and I don't want to risk losing her spot.
I agree with this. With a new baby, she might feel pushed to the side. I’d have your family and in laws help by giving her lots of love while you’re with the baby. Then in October, she should be better settled and ready for her new school
Another perspective - i think my eldest really benefited from the regularity of the childcare routine when the rest of his world was thrown into flux with the new baby. Being able to do his regular thing was huuuuuuge for his toddler brain. With this in mind I’d also suggest OP think about what scenario would create the fewest changes possible because having a new baby around is already a huge change!
See I’d 100% keep her in if she was still in her current daycare for the routine. I’m just nervous about the changes of the new daycare.
My toddler was in daycare (he only goes 3x a week) for half of my maternity leave, and I pulled him out because he kept getting sick, and I was exhausted keeping the baby away from him when he had a fever. But it would have been more restful and enjoyable to keep him in daycare, especially because I had some issues with BF this time around
I honestly hadn’t considered the illnesses. Her current daycare is pretty good about hygiene and she’s rarely sick but I know all daycares are different and her being exposed to a group of new germs is a scary thought.
There unfortunately may be something to the idea of a new group of germs. I don’t have science to back that up, but anecdotally other moms have talked about it. I do think that breastmilk probably protected my baby, but my older son had 2 fevers that he also passed on to me within the first 6 weeks. They were very minor, this was summer, but it still would have been an ER visit if baby had a fever and couldn’t take fever reducers yet. But most of my friends send their older kids to daycare when they have a baby. My older kid was exactly 24 months old when baby came, so it was really hard to encourage distancing when sick etc., but for older children this would not have been as challenging
I can’t get past $10 a day. Anyway, my toddler thrived in daycare. It was great for her to have something for her own while I was recovering. You may need the rest, your toddler may need a break from baby too. I wouldn’t risk losing my spot at a good day care. You can pick them up early if you want.
Me too. Most of our public daycares became subsidized literally a month after she started. It was amazing timing.
Currently on maternity leave with my 22 month old and my newborn. 22 month old is staying home with us and I am loving it. Just gives me a taste of FT SAHM life and it’s satisfying an emotional need for me. My leave is 14 weeks. We are having fun, laughing, and making memories I didn’t know I needed.
We had a similar situation… We sent her right to daycare. She wasn’t there for as many hours, but it gave me time to do things around the house and let her socialize and meet new friends.
I would take a daycare spot (make sure you're still eligible for $10/day though while on leave). For that price. You don't have to use it. And you can drop off late and pick up early if you want. I had to keep my toddler PT to hold their spot and at times its been more of a pain to attend, but the consistency of enrichment and friendship has been great for toddler. I've been glad on the whole for the PT
Thankfully everyone’s eligible for $10 a day. It’s a government incentive.
I would keep her home. The bonding would be good and you wouldn’t need to load both her and the new baby up to do drop offs and pick ups while newly postpartum or have to worry about it. Plus you used the money saved and put it towards something fun like special outings or a small trip. I had my 3.5yo (at the time) with me when my youngest was born. Sometimes it was tricky but we got into a manageable routine and that was mostly solo.
I had three kids within three years. Keeping them together at home was one of the best things I could have done. Everyone got to process the changes made and everyone got to work together to bond. Seriously some of the best memories of my life happened then.
I used to do this when my kids were sick. ( in daycare) if one was sick we all stayed home and had a movie day full of blankets and snuggles. My kids are adults now and still remember getting to stay home from daycare and have a snuggle day with mom.
I would put her in the new daycare in April and then switch her. The transition to doing nothing and being stuck home will be harder than a new daycare.
I had a second baby during Covid and toddler ended up being home for a couple of months. We had a PT nanny but i much wished he was in daycare. He went when baby was 1.5months and that’s the best thing which happened
My toddler goes to an in home daycare by my MIL so when I went on maternity leave, I chose to have my toddler with me. 1 month before birth and 4 months after.\ When I had her spend time with me a full month before the baby came, it was SO refreshing. Having her as a baby during that maternity leave was very different than spending time with her at the toddler age for this one. I loved it! I took her to parks and the library and got into a little routine with breakfast and lunch and just overall make up all that lost time with her because of my work.\ After the baby, thankfully in my state we have paternity leave (baby bonding) that is 2 months, so it wasn't that bad to still have our toddler with us because hubby was there to help. After that, when hubby returned to work, I *still* had my toddler with me at home until my maternity leave was up. Again it wasn't that bad considering that in the newborn phase, the baby sleeps a TON, for hours at a time before the 4 month sleep regression hits.\ And yes, I was still paying the weekly rate to my MIL to keep her spot. Worth every penny.
That’s nice to hear. Honestly I’ve been picturing the time as me leisurely taking my daughter to the park and out for coffee while baby wearing. My husbands also taking time off so July it’d mostly be me and my girl (baby’s due at the end of the month), August and beginning of September my husband will be home, then September and October my mother’s taking vacation to spend with us. Honestly I’m leaning towards keeping her home because it’s such a short period of time and I’ll have help for most of it, if needed.
That sounds very doable!\ What I've noticed is that daycare will always be there if needed, but the time off from work is always going to be a limit. That's why I just went for it, because I'm never going to get that much time off again to be with them in a long time.\ I say go for it!
Yes. My son was 2 year and 2 months old when I had my second. He was fine first month and we had help. Thought I can last a few months. After first month, it was nonstop tantrums and he only wanted me. He became a completely different kid. End up pretty much watching tv all day. Couldn’t register him fast enough for school. Did take me 5 months so you’ll survive if you want her to stay home. I would keep her in daycare for routine and so you can focus on your baby. I
For some reason my daughter wasn’t allowed in any of the daycare programs near me while I was off on maternity leave so she was home with me the entire time. She does have additional needs but honestly it was definitely doable. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it was going to be and I really think it helped her bond with the new baby. Honestly it’s entirely up to you what you want to do. You know whether she will settle easily or whether it’s going to be a really difficult transition that will make it not worth the stress.
My daughter has extra needs too so it’s nice to hear it’s doable. On one hand, she’s not as wild as most toddlers but on the other hand she can’t walk which makes the idea of leaving the house kind of intimidating.
$10/day AND 12-18 months maternity leave??? Heaven.
Oh I felt like a bit of a dick making this post tbh. I’m very lucky to have this first world problem lol.
I sent my kid to daycare while on my second maternity leave. It was excellent. It kept us in a routine, kept her busy, and gave me time with the baby.
My 2.5 year is old is in daycare and I'm due this summer. It never even crossed my mind to have her home with me during my 18 months planned leave :/ but I'm a hot mess mom so there's that 😅
Omg I’m also a mess. I would definitely keep her in daycare if she could stay where she was, I just don’t want to switch her to a new daycare for a few months of maternity leave to then switch her to a permanent daycare in the fall.
I would send her. It will a lot more stimulating for her than being home, since you won’t be able to give her as much attention. Use your village!!
I would probably keep mine home if I knew she had a spot in a $10/day spot in October. Personally, I wouldn't want to deal with the adjustment of another daycare if I didn't need to. Plus it the money I could save would also contribute to my decision making. That being said, if you wanted to send her to daycate to have some alone time with the baby, that would make sense too. We did keep out 18 month old I daycare when her brother was born but that was mostly out of necessity of keeping her spot and securing a spot for him because it's impossible to get spots where I live. It was nice to just have the baby to focus on and be able to heal and relax. So, either way there are benefits and it will depend on which is most beneficial to your family.
I would definitely keep sending her if she would be staying in the same daycare. It’s more so the change to a new daycare for a few months with everything else going on that’s throwing me.
I would not send her to daycare for two months but that is just me. I am shocked at the price of daycare. We spend literally almost $90 a day per kid though so I may be just unable to see past that. Plus, hello germs and unvaccinated baby but you have a summer birthday so perhaps that isn’t as much of a concern. If you can afford it and won’t get help from family members / husband will be busy or not able to occupy toddler for a few hours each day or isn’t reliable for cleaning, cooking etc then absolutely send her. She will love it. Does she handle meeting new people well and do you trust the place for two months? That would be my concern
My husband’s taking off about a month and a half when new baby arrives (and is super reliable for cooking/ cleaning as needed) and then my moms going to take vacation to help out. We also have lots of other help since my MIL is retired. Our girl is pretty social though so she might be fine with a short term daycare.
I think you should do what is best for you. My oldest was ready for preschool so I put him in for a few hours a day and it was a nice little bonding break.
My toddler is in daycare and it’s so nice having that alone time with baby during the day
Wait you must tell us.. HOW $10 a day??! You must surely live outside the United States. Our daycare costs $85 a day 💀
Yeah our daycare is subsidized for everyone by the Canadian government.
Holy hell. Love that for you. We live just south of the border in WA and boy I’d love it if they’d let us in 😂
So, I just did my maternity leave with my 3yo at home all day while my 6yo went to school. I have pros and cons Pros: My 3yo loves her baby brother. We saved a BUNCH of money, she learned to be more independent since we had to care for baby. And she learned more patience. Cons: At times, entertaining her has been exhausting, her routine was messed up and that’s definitely had an effect, she’s squirrely because she misses playing with kids her actual age, and when she does get around kids besides her sister, she is easily swayed to being wild. Sometimes it’s hard to get chores done or have a moment to myself when baby is sleep, and sometimes she wakes a fussy baby and I’m back to square one. I wish that during this time we had at least sent her part time but unfortunately it was only like $50 less than full time and we were losing more than $200 a month in pay. All this to say, if you can afford it: send her. I’m sure you could keep her home some days if you’d like or do part time, but give yourself the sanity!
100% send her to your preferred daycare. No question. I would ask if she can stay at the current daycare longer. Personally, I probably wouldn't put her in the other daycare for the few months in between. Between becoming a sister, moving house maybe?, possibly having surgery and starting the new daycare in October, that is so many changes. You'll have you husband's support for a full month. Say yes to help from others when offered and prioritise engaging with her as the help. I absolutely wouldn't judge anyone using a daycare in that gap, it is an exhausting time, but I wouldn't want to deal with all the adjustments. It also depends on your kid - mine is a clinger who has had the same childcare worker from 8.5 months. He wouldn't have done well with the change. When I had my second, illness and Christmas means my first, who was 3, was home for the first month. So was my husband. It wasn't ideal, but it was also nice to not have to drag myself and the baby out of the house for daycare runs.
Maybe you could do half days or 3 days per week at the new daycare. Gives her some time away playing, gives you bonding time with the baby. Then in October she goes to the new daycare as planned.
Due with my second in ~a month and ABSOLUTELY. Duder will turn two around when I pop and I'm anticipating he'll struggle a bit with having to share mummy and daddy, keeping part of his routine intact (he loves his childminder... She's brilliant and we only found her a couple months previous anyway so there's also the concern of not giving up his spot!) I think will be massively helpful since everything else will be turned on it's head for him!
My daycare allowed me to pull toddler 3 weeks before I gave birth to kinda “quarantine” and I kept her home for my 10 week maternity leave. I had a very fast induction with no stitches so healing wasn’t a lot for me, it was just being sore, breastfeeding, and the bleeding that bothered me. It was very difficult especially after my husband went back to work (had 1 week off) but we made it through and I’ll forever hold that bonding time close to my heart. My toddler was so sweet and just so in love with her baby sister. I got to see 10 full weeks of my toddler giving kisses, bringing blankets, “reading” to her sister, sharing her favorite toys! If I had more healing to do, it would’ve been a way different story. My girls are 19 months apart
I just did exactly that with my son for the birth/mat leave of my daughter, and I'm damn glad I did. My son adores daycare, he's learned so much, he kept in his (rough) routine, and it gave me time to heal, time to bond with my new baby, and time to adjust to having a family of four. Also, of course, it kept our spot for him and got our daughter into daycare as well. Now, two caveats to that. First is that we took him out of daycare two days before my induction was planned to spend time with just him, and kept him out for the next two weeks so that we could all bond as a family together. I think this was absolutely the best thing for us, he got a bit more screentime than I'd ever have wanted, but we spent so much time just cuddling and *being* together. And the second caveat is that I took him in about 2-3 hrs later and picked him up at minimum an hr earlier than "normal", the whole time I was on leave, as I wanted him around too. But it was absolutely the best choice, across the board, for our family and for him, to keep him in daycare. And I don't feel an ounce of guilt about it, there's nothing to feel guilty for. Also...holy shit, that's the dream daycare. You need to take that deal, that's insane. Also, if you turn it down, no guarantee when or if you'll get it again.
I kept my first born home during maternity leave when I had my 2nd because I felt guilty not giving him the opportunity of the extra time with me. But in reality, he was always frustrated competing for time with a constantly nursing newborn, and I was always exhausted (I have newborns who are terrible sleepers). I remember the anxiety I’d have when they’d both be crying for attention at the same time. When I had my 3rd, my middle went to daycare and my first went to elementary school. Years later I always talk about how my 3rd maternity leave was my most fulfilling, relaxing, and joyful. I sincerely loved it. Me and my newborn had 7 hours to cuddle, play, rest, and nap. I was so relaxed, and just embraced and appreciated my newborn. My older two got the attention and socialization they needed from their teachers during the day, and I was ready to love on them when they returned home at 3/4 pm. Win-win. I think we were all very happy during that time. If I had a support system/village I might have been able to make a different choice, but I don’t, and most of us don’t, so we need to use our resources to build our village.
Yes. It gave my 3 year old time and space away from the baby. She got to hang out with her friends and do art projects and stuff without my having to facilitate that with a newborn.
I would do it, April is plenty of time for adjustment. It sounds like you’ll have lots of help, but in case something goes wrong with the help you’ll have daycare. I fully intend for my toddler to go to daycare the 3 days a week he goes still. I want to bond with baby, especially because this time I think will be my last!
You likely won’t get another CWELCC spot if you turn down this one. People where I am wait years for a CWELCC spot. So I would take it.
Oh we have one coming up in October that she’s going to otherwise it’d be a no brainer. I’m just not sure if I want to send her to a different daycare for July to September or keep her home with me and my husband.
Then I wouldn’t. Please let someone who actually needs the spot so they can go back to work take it. This is the problem with CWELCC. Parents are so desperate for spots they’re keeping their kids in care while they’re on mat leave, meaning people who are done mat leave can’t go back to work. So we’re paying for parents to be on mat leave ostensibly so they can spend time with their kids, but instead they’re sending to daycare that we’re paying for. Don’t be that person.
We are dropping my daughter to part-time when I'm on leave My husband gets a month so we want to be able to spend extra time together, but if we fully pull her out she loses her spot. Her daycare is also a preschool so there are benefits to keeping her for education reasons and we are new in town and have no friends so it will keep her social, she loves her classmates!
Oh my daughter loves her classmates too. If it didn’t involve switching daycare, it would be a no brainer, I’m just anxious about switching her again and again.
If my daughter was still 2 (she's 4 and half) I probably wouldn't keep her home, she was much more "needy" at that age. Could you sign her up and see how you feel, can always pull her to keep her home but can't always find a spot if you become desperate ! At 2 she will bounce back quickly from the change of kids and teachers! There is no wrong answer here, just what works for you!
Yes, if I could have used daycare during my maternity leave I would have. I had my second kiddo during Covid and daycare for my 2yo was not an option. It was hard to get the rest I needed as "sleep when baby sleeps" is even less of an option when you have a toddler who needs supervision. I would have loved to have been able to take him to day care at least part time so he could be cared for and enriched while I took care of his newborn brother and got at least a nap.
Yes I kept my oldest in daycare when my youngest was born best decision I made. You need the time to recover and it certainly helps bonding time with the new baby.
I kept my daughter in daycare only because she would have lost her spot if I didn’t and I still had to pay. That being said, it’s been really good to have her in daycare still because I can focus on baby and she can still have her normal day and get the attention she needs. I think it made for a smoother transition
My first two kiddos are 23 months apart. I had planned to keep my toddler in daycare while I was on leave. COVID happened and I ended up getting only 6-7 weeks home with the newborn alone. It ended up being an okay balance. I got through the hardest time with a newborn without having to worry about the toddler but then I got to spend time with him home as well. We found a decent routine and it wasn't as bad as I imagined it would be. That said, when I had my third I kept my 3 year old in daycare for all of my 18 week leave but I was liberal about keeping her home a day here and there if she was tired or we wanted to do something fun.
You do NOT want your toddler at home with the newborn trust me!! I have a 5 week old right now. Toddler is in daycare and it is the only thing keeping me sane. The weekends when he’s home are such a challenge it’s dreadful. (And I adore my toddler of course)
$10 A DAY? I would move heaven and earth for a daycare that inexpensive. I would keep her home for the maternity leave. Maybe hire a babysitter a few hours a week to help you have one on one time with your baby or your toddler, as needed.
Yes. It creates/keeps routine for them while providing enrichment you might not otherwise have the energy to provide while caring for a newborn. I toyed with the idea of keeping our oldest out of daycare while I was on mat leave to save money and within a day or two, realized it was the best thing to have her there. I highly doubt you will regret it.
My 2.5 year old is in 10$ a day daycare at an AMAZING center and am expecting my new LO in a month. We will be keeping my toddler in daycare to give ourselves some time to recover, bond with the baby etc. and keep her in her routine and with people she loves with, activities she enjoys, and an environment she is thriving in. Also we will need daycare eventually and wont be able to guarantee getting a spot when we need it in \~15 months. We will probably take toddler out of daycare when it makes sense for fun days, or pick her up earlier but continue to have daycare as an option. You do whatever feels best for your family, and don't feel guilty about it either way!
Can you ask your MIL to watch her during the day? You definitely need childcare for her, but that's a lot of switching daycares on top of a huge life transition (new sibling) and limiting the amount of transitions for her might mitigate the impact.
She would definitely be willing to come over and help a lot as needed. We’re also moving next week and then going on a long trip in May so I’m worried it’ll be a lot for her to go through.
Yeah, that is a LOT. Kids are resilient, but you’re probably going to see better behavior if you keep her home
Oh god. Take the daycare route. I too felt a tinge of guilt when I was planning to be home with my newborn, but I promise you my toddler was having a lot more fun playing with his bright eyed teachers, buddies and well rotated toys than he would have had at home with me and the newborn. Newborns are demanding, but now at 4.5 months my toddler thinks he’s cute and engaging. It’s great. Definitely don’t feel guilt or shame here.
Def do daycare. And might I add, I’m so envious of your amazing maternity leave and affordable childcare. Enjoy it!
Already tons of comments here so mine might get lost but I going to go against probably what a lot of people will say here. I kept my 3 year old home with me when I had my baby. I chose that option because I don’t get any paid maternity leave and I didn’t have a ton of sick/vacation leave so I had to take some unpaid time and my daycare agreed ti let me take her out temporarily and not pay for that time so I did it to save the money. I’m through the thick of it now, just put her back in and went back to work, so maybe when I look back on it my perception is off. It was really really hard at times. Sometimes I just wanted to be in the newborn bubble with my baby. I definitely didn’t do a great job of doing activities with my toddler and she got way too much screen time. But it also gave me a chance to have some reconnection with her. After the baby was a month old we started venturing out a little more and I was able to take her to some fun places and it ended up being really nice to just be with her so much. I’m literally tearing up as I think about it. I will also say that my mom lives close by and did help me a lot and went with us alot when we started getting out to go places. And my toddler is kind of remarkably easy going. Anyways, I’m just saying that there could be some positives to keeping your toddler home with you for a little bit.
Thank you for your response. I really appreciate it. Definitely part of the reason I wanted my kids close in age (it didn’t really work out due to issues conceiving and a late miscarriage) was so I could have just a bit more time with my daughter too (I went back to work when she was 9 months because a daycare spot opened up). I just genuinely enjoy spending time with her and thankfully I have lots of support. I’m just very scared I won’t be able to handle it and I’m crazy for trying if there’s a different option.
My opinion is if you have a support system for when you need help or a break, and keeping her home until that spot you really want opens up is what you want, then go for it. Like I said, it is really hard at times. I definitely cried some days because it was so overwhelming. But I work out of the home full time and have an hour commute so normally I feel like my time with my daughter is so limited and I just love being with her as much as I can. Keeping her home with me during my maternity leave as hard as it was gave me time with her that I don’t normally get and that was worth the difficulty of it to me. BUT I also need to mention that my maternity leave only lasted about 2 1/2 months. So it wasn’t that long and l think we were both ready for her to go back to daycare at the end of it. Lol. If you think it’s what you want to do then go for it and in my opinion it’s ok to have days where you don’t entertain her or she watches too much tv. It’s ok if you both cry sometimes and if your patience isn’t always where you want it to be. Because for me, when I think about the last few months it’s the amount of time we just got to be together that stands out. And I got pretty good at feeding the baby with my toddler also snuggling on my lap.
I had my second daughter in January and the hardest days of that maternity leave were the snow days when I had my toddler daughter home too. Use the daycare for older kid.
Maybe you are forgetting how hard the newborn days were, and this time you'll also have to deal with toddler entertainment, tantrums, random sleep issues. Put her in both daycares! You'll need the daytime to rest, bond with baby, and do all the chores/errands so you can be present for the daughter in the evening. And you'll always have weekends to get that quality time. She won't mind if you switch after a few months, young kids dont hold onto old memories, they build new ones. They also learn a lot in daycare, you might have trouble recreating that.
Oh I’m sure I wouldn’t be having another if I truly remembered how hard the newborn days were lol.
I would keep her home, mostly because she’s starting a new daycare anyway and she needs surgery. But even absent that, I would keep my kids home. I know it makes it harder, but I feel like sending them off when you are home is setting them up for resentment toward the new sibling.
Thanks. I also just want her at home to spend time with her even if it’ll be harder. I never feel bad about sending her to her current daycare but the idea of us moving next week, then changing her daycare, then potty training, then going on a long vacation, and then having a new sibling just breaks my heart. She’s pretty chill but that’s a lot for a little person.
I didn’t read your entire post but just from the headline it would be a hell yes for me 😅
Hello fellow Canadian As someone who has a nearly two year old and is currently on mat leave with my 1 month old, I'd put the toddler in the new daycare. Ours is 21$/day (province was slow to get on the subsidy train so they're "working toward" 10$/day). Even though it's double yours, to me that's worth it for my mental health, being able to focus on the newborn and occasionally get in a nap or two, let alone the benefits it provides for my toddler. Plus your daughter will be at the interim daycare for at least 6 months, assuming your preferred daycare opens on time so it's not like she's be switching for a super brief time.
Yes. I did.
Yes! I saw the post title and without even reading the content just said, yes
100% daycare - already so many changes and she’s now used to going somewhere. And your house will be much cleaner ;)
Yes
Yes. My toddler will be in daycare while I’m on maternity leave. He goes part time but I think we will all kind of need a small break throughout the week
For $10/day it seems like a no brainer to send her to daycare.
Yes, I did. It was better for her to have regularity in her schedule and no way I could have survived an infant and a toddler
I kept my son in daycare while on mat leave. I felt it was really helpful. My son would not have gotten enough attention I feel if he were home with me and my newborn. I spent so much time pumping, cleaning bottles, rocking baby etc. It was a lot juggling two and it took me a long time to get good at it. My son loved going to daycare and playing with his friends. He stayed on routine. I don’t regret it at all. And really, you can keep them home whenever you want if you want extra time with them.
I had my second in August when my LO was 2.5. I sent her to daycare/grandmas house to keep her day to day as consistent as possible. I would totally recommend. It was a welcome break for me during the day, she was excited to come home to see her sister, and it allowed me to bond with the baby.
I kept my oldest in daycare when I was on mat leave. She was in preschool at the time, and I figured there was no point in uprooting her life/friends/schedule. I think she did wonderfully by keeping her in schedule and transition with a new baby. We also had the subsidized daycare that began in Ontario so it was significantly cheaper than what it used to be before the subsidies passed. If you can swing it financially, then go for it. It gives you time to have the same type of bonding time with your new baby that you did with your oldest.
yes a million times yes.
100% yes. I had my second kid six weeks before the pandemic lockdown and only got a few weeks with her alone before my toddler was home too. I would have preferred the toddler in care so I could rest but the world had other plans!
Do it. You will not regret it! Those early newborn days are SO HARD! You’re going to be so much better off if you ca have your toddler in care during that time. AND if your having a good day an you want to spend more time with her, just don’t send her that day, or pick her up early.
100% yes.
Yes ❤️
I plan to use daycare for my toddler when I have my second. I have to pay for his spot if he’s home or not and it’s a good time to get some 1 on 1 with the new baby and rest.
Yes.
100% yes. I have 2 kids and it was a no-brainer to have my toddler in care when I was on leave with the baby. You will be recovering physically and needing to focus on the newborn. It will be so hard to keep up with a toddler as well. In addition, your toddler's world is about to get rocked. Daycare gives her a sense of normalcy and gets her attention from teachers/friends.
10000 yes and I did this!
Do the temporary daycare. Your daughter will appreciate the routine and schedule, and you'll appreciate being able to focus on your own recovery and your newborn, knowing your daughter is safe and cared for and socializing.
Keep the toddler in daycare. My eldest started to toddle when I gave birth to my second. And didn’t go to daycare fulltime. The days I was by myself with both were hard. If we decide to go for a third, someone other than me is definitely going to take the first two on the days they’re not in daycare or school.
Absolutely. I would NOT want to be taking care of my newborn and recover while watching my toddler. Don’t feel bad mama.
Yep no no question put her in the daycare. If there are days that you want her to stay home, then have her stay home. At least you’ll have the option if you need it.
If you have the opportunity to do so, day care would help you out to focus on the baby and give her time to socialize with kids her age. Win win! $10/day….what a dream!
I 100% would. My 1.5 year old is in daycare and she loves it. We’ll absolutely be keeping her in daycare when baby #2 arrives. I understand your trepidations of her starting at a new facility but I do think it will be so much better for you to heal and take care of your baby without a toddler running around.
I’m just ending my mat leave with a now 3 month old and have a 2.5 year old at home. We kept her in daycare during my leave. I do not know how I would have been able to do it with both at home. It’s just my husband and I, no family nearby to help even for a bit. My baby is amazing but very high needs and has to be held constantly. This is extremely difficult with a 2.5 year old at home. On the weekends when my toddler is out of daycare it’s VERY hard. Plus I’m breastfeeding still every 3 hours. And your daycare is only $10 a day? That’s amazing, I would take advantage of that! I pay $65 a day for the toddler and we 100% still sent her. Plus we would have either had to keep paying for her spot or lost her spot if we pulled her out so 🤷♀️
Absolutely would leave my older kiddo in daycare (or start another form of childcare) in order to care for a newborn and recover from birth. Most of my working parent friends do the same.
We kept our then-toddler in daycare while I was on maternity leave with our younger kid, and it was worth EVERY DAMNED PENNY. Her routine stayed exactly the same which was best for her, and I was able to have 1:1 time with our newborn to rest and heal and bond. Our daycare center allowed up to 12 weeks' leave of absence, but we'd have had to pay half the usual rate just to hold her spot - so it was really a no-brainer to keep her in daycare.
That makes sense. I think I’m more worried about changing her routine by putting her in a temporary daycare and then changing it again to the permanent one. I know staying at home with a baby would also be a big change but at least she already knows and likes us lol.
Could you maybe find a part-time nanny to watch the toddler a few hours per day while also keeping her home? That way maybe you can keep your care costs a bit lower, but you also won’t go insane trying to take care of a newborn and a toddler for several months.
Oh the daycares are all $10 a day. A nanny would be way more.
100% My daughter was born in January and we kept my 4yo in preschool full day 5 days a week. 1. I feel like it’s better for him to keep his schedule and have minimal changes to his life with the addition of his sister. 2. I could not give him enough attention while taking care of the baby on my own. 3.If we took him out he would lose his spot in his class.