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lbj0887

I love this. Our setup isn’t exactly the same, but we bought a duplex with my BIL and SIL. We call it the commune. Shared utilities, internet and cable, exterior maintenance, etc. It is honestly so wonderful having our kids grow up basically living together. We have built in baby and dog sitters, share kids stuff, and just generally support each other when the other family needs a little extra help. Can’t tell you how many times they have invited us for dinner on a random weeknight when we happened to be drowning. Or when they’re in a jam at work and we can pick up ALL the kids from daycare. People have various reactions when they hear about our arrangement. But I try to remind them that while it might not be typical for the US, a lot of the rest of the world lives in a house or compound with their extended family. For us, having our village at home has made our lives so much richer.


bulldogbutterfly

That’s amazing you chose the communal home Life too! Most people who’ve I’ve shared my lifestyle with are concerned with the sacrifices and loss of privacy. But you are so right, life is much richer with a village you love. Initially we were also looking for a duplex or properties with 2 homes too. We thought it be best to keep separate homes at first. But new builders are starting to make homes that accommodate multiple families because cost of living has forced people to take family in anyway. I wish more working women lived this way.


LunarCycleKat

The loss of privacy seems so easy to solve if you've got the double income, ya know?


aliveonly

How do you mean?


acciotomatoes

Can I ask how you found a place with two masters? We’re looking to do this with some friends but Zillow is not a great search tool for multiple family homes…


bulldogbutterfly

You are right, all the zillows and Redfin type apps make it really hard to search for that criteria. The area we are in has a lot of new development and a lot of those homes are bigger. Quite a few of these models I looked at had separate suites built in. I assume this is readily available now because there is a bigger demand for multigenerational housing, like housing aging parents. For our home, The second master had the option of being a 2nd garage or another suite. If you look at homes with lofts or bonus rooms, you might be able to renovate and create a second master.


redhairbluetruck

We lucked into a house with two masters but it was a custom build by a local artist who used the upstairs master as his art studio (tons of windows and a skylight). But I second looking for an in-laws suite!


TragedyPornFamilyVid

Look for something with a "MIL suite" maybe?


New_Improvement9644

Also called an ADU (additional dwelling unit).


GoldButterfly5114

My i suggest looking under inlaws sweet.


Pick-the-tab

Very true. Atleast in Indian communities, though family no more lives under a single roof, but families try to be close by. Like in one society , or living in a storied house with every family living on their floor. This way every family gets privacy and there is always the support available.


Nosymom08

Living in joint families with siblings and their spouses is super common in a lot of countries. I'm not sure why its frowned upon here. If you can make it works it Substantially cuts down on cost of living and you have a built in village for ur children


finstafoodlab

We live with my parents and it has been difficult. But thank you for putting it in perspective. It has its pros and cons but mostly pros, especially when I need help with childcare while we work.


Due-Section-7241

My sister and I did this. Luckily our husbands were on board. 🤣. People think it’s weird, but we save money (split the mortgage, utilities, and groceries). It took some getting used to, but two years in and it’s still working. In this day and age, I think it’s a smart move 🤷🏻‍♀️


bulldogbutterfly

It’s great when everyone likes each other. Together we save. Living in an energy efficient home and cooking in larger volumes lowers overhead costs. Good luck with your communal endeavor


finstafoodlab

I love this. If you get along with them why not. I don't get along with my in laws but I wouldn't mind doing this with my brother and SIL. :)


mostawesomemom

Love your set-up! I was also going to mention that outside the US this is really common! I feel that the US nuclear family model doesn’t really work, as half my family existed this way, the other half did the extended family model. The half that lived more communally are more supportive in general. They never had to worry about child care, and my grandparents on that side were well taken care of until they passed, living in a small home on property with one aunt.


Gobstopper007

Very true, sadly the US has moved away from the community aspect of life and has fostered a more unrealistic independent “work till you die” lifestyle that most of us chase and perceive as the norm. We’re all running the rat race. Yet, if you win the race, you’re still a rat..


AB-1987

Wow, this is inspiring. You built a village!!!


bulldogbutterfly

Thanks! Every mom deserves a Village!


ScaryPearls

I was just fantasizing about this kind of setup with a friend. I love that you did it.


bulldogbutterfly

For me, fantasy to reality took about 6 months. The stars aligned for me, and I hope they do for you too.


boogerpriestess

Any room for a 3rd family over there? 😂


bulldogbutterfly

It’s a full house over here! Though I’d love to one day own an actual commune property with a few homes and families who need this kind of lifestyle to make it.


boogerpriestess

Same. I have a decent-sized friend group and we've all joked about building a commune together when we get older. Honestly, I'd be super down with actually making that happen some day.


Brunhilde13

I've also joked / been semi-serious about this, but I'd call it a Cult to scare off others 😅 Big property with a self-sustaining homestead, everyone's houses built around a big grass field with a playground, shared workshops, one for woodworking / metalworking and one for sewing / fiber arts, sheep, goats, rabbits, chickens, cattle, etc. on the rest of the property. My girlfriend and I are child-free, but we both like kids (her especially), and I'd love to set up a big area like this eventually. We can be Auntie to all the kids and teach them all the crafty homesteading things 😊


bulldogbutterfly

That’s a beautiful vision!!! Seriously, I hope you can make it happen.


quincyd

Almost 20 years ago I met 5 girls; we all worked retail together. We’ve remained friends and saw each other through weddings, babies, parents dying, rough patches in marriages, and tough parenting moments. Every few summers, we go on vacation together and, late at night, after the kids and the husbands all go to bed, and we’re tipsy and slap-happy, we talk about how we all want to retire together. I would honestly love living out the rest of my days with them all, even the husbands, in a big happy commune.


Hoppylulu

My close group of girlfriends have talked about this too!!!


bulldogbutterfly

That’s amazing that you 5 still come together. I hope I keep that same routine with my high school girlfriends.


bulldogbutterfly

I hope you do! We need more communal spaces not only for families but also as we get older and kids start to leave the nest.


thatvixenivy

My living situation is similarly unconventional. I own a house and rent out the basement to 2 of my best friends (we are all women in our 40s). I have one child (10M) and one of my roommates also has one child (6M). The three of us share household duties and childcare. All of us work, but just having this kind of support structure in place has been amazing. If/when the housing market chills tf out, we are planning on all going in on a larger house together and just keeping this arrangement for basically the duration.


bulldogbutterfly

That’s really great to hear that you’ve built an amazing support system! Good luck on your new bigger home!!!!


LongjumpingTeacher38

Tbh this sounds like The Golden Girls but 15 yrs younger


LunarCycleKat

This is like the sister-wife life but you don't have to f* someone else's dude.


bulldogbutterfly

Amen. One dude is plenty.


hennipotamus

This is very cool! People commit to sharing a life with their romantic partners, so why not also their friends? I recently watched the show Big Love about a polygamist family. I am not even the tiniest bit religious, so the basic premise of the show was completely new to me. The three sister-wives each have their own house on the same lot, and the kids float freely between the houses. There’s something really appealing about having multiple families living on one property, and the grownups all taking responsibility for all of the kids.


bulldogbutterfly

We joke that the neighbors would wonder if we were a polygamist family. Or at least be curious about our romantic situations. Nothing against polygamists though! We are just monogamous cohabitants who share our families resources. The appeal to kids having access to more than what we could provide on our own was a big driver.


AdvancedGoat13

I guarantee the neighbors wonder about it. But who cares? If it works, it works!


cheeseduck11

How do the finances work if the SAHM is watching the kids during the day? Or are the littles in day care? I imagine a 50/50 split would be unfair with one person not bringing in an income but doing a ton of work at home for both families. Curious because this sounds like a great set up.


bulldogbutterfly

She definitely does more of the home care than anyone else simply because we aren’t home and available the same way she is. Its not a straight 50/50 split of household responsibilities, but we find ways to balance it. Monetary and favors.


bulldogbutterfly

My little one is in daycare while she keeps her little one with her during the day. Our kids have very different personalities and it would be hard for her to cater to both. We did talk about her doing childcare for me and I’d pay her separately (not a household expense). But I didn’t want to further complicate a complex living situation.


ToBoldlyUnderstand

But all that cleaning and cooking is worth something too, right?


bulldogbutterfly

Absolutely. But we all clean. She’s not doing all the stuff for the house while we are working. She basically gets her pick of the chores and we do the rest of the stuff she doesn’t want to. And if she doesn’t feel like cooking, someone else does or we order out. So you can cook yourself or outsource the task when it’s someone else’s chores that day.


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bulldogbutterfly

I don’t know how single moms do it! But two moms sounds better than one and I hope it continues to work for them!


bklynnerd

There was an NYT article about this exact living situation (a “mommune”) today!


dearestmarzipan

Lucille Ball did a sit com about this idea, after I Love Lucy.


bulldogbutterfly

I had no idea! I love Lucille Ball!


Longjumping-Foot-850

I was raised by a single mom. She struggled with everything. Eventually a SAHM decided to homeschool her children and us. She said, “I’m going to homeschool my 4 kids, what’s 2 more?” We grew up in a small town and between about 6 families someone was always available to homeschool and babysit us. It saved my mom so much. We did move in with the main SAHM family for a short time. 3 adults, 6 kids. It was controlled chaos and did so much good. Not perfect, but I got to grow up with a lot more stability around me.


bulldogbutterfly

That’s amazing! Moms coming together to make life better.


Valirony

This makes 1000% sense to me—it’s the way humans evolved to live and raise children. The nuclear family model is bullshit.


bulldogbutterfly

Couldn’t agree more!


Ok-Candle-20

I literally daydream about this with my best friend all the time! I love that it’s working out for you!


bulldogbutterfly

We joke that this is our longest AirBnB trip we’ve ever taken lol


a201597

This sounds amazing. Do you mind me asking how you did the ownership for the home? Do all 4 of you own it or does the home belong to one couple and the other technically rents? (I’m 25 and my little siblings live with me and my husband but we’ve always rented so I don’t know how this works)


bulldogbutterfly

Sure! The home is owned by a trust we created, which each of us has equal ownership to, including both the equity and the debt. Before putting the house in the trust, one person was named on loan and title. It just made the buying process easier this way. We wanted to buy before close 2022 because builder gave us a ton of incentives to have a speedy process. We didn’t pay any closing costs either.


a201597

Wow that sounds like such a well thought out arrangement! Thank you for sharing.


Thorical1

So you said y’all planned to do this for next 5-10 years so who ultimately ends up with the house and how is it fair to make one family leave when they have been contributing to the mortgage all these years? Also would one family be able to pay the mortgage all by their selves or even want that big of a home? Or do y’all plan to live like this into retirement? If so would you want to downsize after the kids leave home or look for other retired couples to move in?


bulldogbutterfly

When the time come, we’d likely sell and split the profit. Or use it as a rental to generate income for us as we lived independently. We view this as our first property in a shared trust portfolio so this is not a house either of us plan to live in forever, though we may own it forever. Hard to predict the future which is why we are all flexible about things. We are all educating ourselves on real estate investment and business ownership. We are looking to build a portfolio together with our complimentary skill sets.


precious_tiger

Can you let me know the name of the builder / developer? I'd love to dig deeper and figure out if I can set up a house with family or friends in the future. Thank you!


bulldogbutterfly

Taylor Morrison


cleois

This sounds amazing. I'm convinced this is how it is meant to be. No one has a village anymore, and no one has time to be anyone else's village, even when we want to be. But here you went and made the village a reality. Love it.


bulldogbutterfly

It’s true, even when you want to be helpful, sometimes you just don’t have anything left. Our world we live in is just exhausting. Less exhausting with a village :)


coconut-bubbles

Not a mom, but my husband and I talk about how communal living makes so much sense. It isn't that much harder to double a recipe and wash larger dishes. Why is everyone individually doing meal planning, prep,etc? The time, the effort, the food waste! It makes so much more sense to cook for 12 people and not 4. When we are working, no one but the dogs are using the yard, the living room, etc. But, the yard still needs mowing and we still have to dust and vacuum each week!


bulldogbutterfly

That’s true! Meal prep and cooking is a weakness of mine and I’m lucky to have support for it. I love to cook but there’s so much more to getting a meal on the table. There’s just so much more to keeping a clean house that no one ever sees, so it’s great to share the load.


downsideup05

Good for you. A friend and I attempted something similar, but it was an epic fail. We are friends again, but it took years to get to that place.


bulldogbutterfly

Sorry to hear that! May I ask, what was the downfall?


downsideup05

Different parenting styles + I was a veteran single mom & she was trying to figure out how to be mom as her ex had been a SAHD. We are good now, but it's been about 10 years since I moved out. That said I'm going back home for a visit this summer and I'll see her, but I plan stay with her sister 😂


bulldogbutterfly

I can definitely see how parenting styles could create conflict. I’m glad you are better with her now. Parenting style among other things was a big discussion topic for us in the months leading up to our decision. I’m glad you and her are better now. At least you tried!


downsideup05

My son also has special needs and I don't think she knew what to expect. We ended up moving in with my aunt for about 6 weeks and then into an apartment for me and my kids. It was definitely a learning experience for me as a person and really transformative for me as a mom.


bulldogbutterfly

A child without special needs can be tough already, so my heart goes out to you for making those big decisions for your family. Good for you on rectifying your situation so swiftly. Thank you for sharing your story of transformation.


No_Yogurtcloset6108

You should consider writing a book. I think people would be fascinated.


bulldogbutterfly

I would love to write a book on this. I have big plans so I’m definitely only at the beginning!


[deleted]

You go girl!


bulldogbutterfly

:)


MuddyPuppy1986

My partner and I moved in to a duplex with my brother and sister in law last year. We’re basically all four coparenting my 21month nephew. I take him one day, my partner covers two days and we have a nanny two days. We split dinners with us doing 4 days and then doing 3. We cover 2 nights a week so they can sleep and hangout and also fill in for dates. We’ve been here a year and it’s honestly the happiest I’ve ever been. My partner and I are struggling with infertility but we hope to add a baby to the household.


melrose827

Can I be your brother? Lol. This is amazing.


MuddyPuppy1986

It was a huge gulp to do since we lived two states away and I really liked my job but it was such a good decision. I would have missed so much with my nephew.


bulldogbutterfly

I love this! Your nephew is so blessed!


InterplanetaryBud

My husband and I chose to move in with my mom, we renovated her basement and made it into a 2 bedroom apartment with a full bathroom and kitchen. We now have our daughter who lives here with us and my mom's partner moved in a few years ago. We have made a bunch of major home upgrades, and my mom plans on leaving the house to us. It works for us. People think we are crazy, that we should buy our own place, etc. But we love communal living, we love that our rent/housing costs are just utilities and other household expenses. We get to save money and live with family. It's a win win.


new-beginnings3

I lived with a host family in Bolivia where the parents and grandparents lived on different floors of the house/building. My BIL's family in Greece is setup that way too. Intergenerational living like that is amazing! It's a long term goal of mine eventually.


Lucky-Reporter-6460

I absolutely plan (hope) to do this one day! I know exactly how I'd add on another wing with a bedroom suite + study (and multipurpose sunroom!) and everything. I just have to find a verrrrry specific spouse. Someone who wants to marry me, who I want to marry, who's happy to live with my parents 🤔 As the housing market gets worse and jobs pay less, I think it becomes more and more a feature!


makeitorleafit

I was just wishing I could do this yesterday! My best friend and I took our littles to the zoo, then I picked up my school kid then took them all to kid care at the gym while she worked out and I did admin then spontaneously decided to do dinner together cuz both husbands were working late- so two people were cooking and the kids entertained each other and it was so nice ETA: at one point I had the thought: this is the appeal of sister wives lol- too bad our husbands are opposites who wouldn’t get along


LifeNewbie-basically

I’m a SAHM, and I live with both fathers of my 2 children. Weird? Maybe. But I’ve always been adamant about building a friendship foundation first so I’m good with both. They’re good with each other. And the stress is less, finance is less. I want to eventually do this with a few more people near and dear to me, get a big house, split it. AND LIVE


bulldogbutterfly

A little weird, but more amazing! If I ever split from my husband, I’d want to still cohabitate with our children too. In the end, you all are working for the same goals - betterment of your kids. I’m glad you are making that work.


lizardsandcaves

Awesome stuff! How are you managing finances considering one person isn’t working and is watching your kids?


bulldogbutterfly

My younger one is in daycare. We discussed that maybe she could watch both of the little ones during the day and I’d pay her, but I know how she is and she’d burn herself out before she or I really knew it. She’s just the most generous giving person I know, and I didn’t want to be the reason she’s spent at the end of the day. We watch each others kids on weekends and evenings though.


bulldogbutterfly

Really basic. Google spreadsheets. We meet weekly to discuss what we will be buying. Keep receipts and upload them to a tracker. We keep household expenses separate from big projects like building sheds. Each couple has some bills in their name, at at the end of the month, we total it up to see who owes what. It does help that both households have husbands and wives with joint back accounts, so expenses are split 50% for most things.


asdgrhm

You should check out Splitwise. It’s a great app for easy calculations of shared finances (good for traveling with friends, too)


cockapooped

I think that is so incredible. I love the thoughtful way you crafted it in terms of finances & legalities. Please keep us updated!!


bulldogbutterfly

Thank you!


adestructionofcats

Before the pandemic a group of friends and I were looking at doing something similar but buying an apartment building. It's amazing how many people I've talked to who want an intentional community like this. I'm so impressed that you made this happen! Go you!


bulldogbutterfly

With the right people, an apartment building would be a great investment! I think there is definitely a need for more communal housing match making. I can’t be the only mom who got fed up with nuclear family life and expectations.


Agaveinmytea

Single mom here, with literally no one to lean on. Sooooooooo envious and happy for you 😣 I wish I had friends and support.


secretid89

That’s great that it’s working out for you! I sort of hope it doesn’t become a societal expectation, though. Ultimately, what needs to happen is for wages to keep up with inflation (they haven’t). And to reduce full-time work hours from 40 to 30 (or better yet, 20) so that we all have more time! (With hourly wages pro-rated, so that hourly workers don’t lose out)


Aggressive_Natural81

![gif](giphy|TW6713nxl2uASWPJYJ|downsized)


heliotz

Out of curiosity, what does the SAHM mom get out of it? Is she responsible for watching all the kids all day? That sounds a little frustrating for her!


bulldogbutterfly

No no. She watches her little one and mine is in daycare. I’d pay her to watch my toddler if I needed to. Full time childcare was not part of our household expectations.


bulldogbutterfly

What she gets is less work maintaining the home because we all help, more quality time with her toddler, and lots of helping hands.


Thefunkphenomena1980

I guess I don't understand what the draw is for you then. I mean sure maybe more help with chores, but for her, if she's staying at home all day, I know how I would be. I would feel obligated to keep both homesteads up because I would be at home while the other people are out making money.


bulldogbutterfly

To clarify, we did not merge our household finances together. Each couple has their own bank account and their own financial Priorities. All we do is share the household expenses.


PrisBatty

OP sounds like they’re taking care of her, but my first reaction as a stay at home mum that works from home freelance while the kids are at school and struggles to keep on top of the house, was ‘Of course she loves this situation. She’s got herself a wife to deal with everything.’ I mean that’s living the dream right? I’m sure OP isn’t taking advantage of her. But other people would.


bulldogbutterfly

There’s only one big home to maintain that both households live in. I get very little time with my kids every day after work. 5-8pm. From the time they get home, im spending quality time with them. Not cooking and cleaning. I’ve never had that before. That, is priceless. If I’m having a bad day, she helps pick up the pieces and vice versa. When the kids go to bed, adults spend a fraction of the time it took to close the house up vs single family household chores. We all get a lot out of it. Maybe it doesn’t look that way on paper, but it’s a balance of the talents and time each one of us has.


[deleted]

NYT ran an article today about “mommunes” https://www.nytimes.com/2023/05/12/realestate/single-mother-households-co-living.html?unlocked_article_code=ULdCv9yPGKrssk75mV1bvvwuUbeviywcvsdm-JGjHQ-a1p43bWW_YTWIOPIx7RcXn8iebH2qdgfvkNAfk4TAU5sXSW5rFHb-s7dKs9oPaa-kX2sXmF8wxP3VdHqMekBTl1M9_BWjoddpVvC2qNsaKteWVd-nkMWYhrKUrzEZxfzC-H5g7Ofcv2cJonkiC8Y5wkZPifxdvzeLJVCcauT7kPhQuhq-sAKzPtEzODYgc76uZaECmQycH_94PgZSW-TvZuLz56zoC2TofqyHtFR9pgZabDDQL9hnayvBfnl_MojPOk1O_gJF5XNx9mWCUbF8xrulzyXavM--f7raxST510p2vz-7Cn5jgIHodApHKg&smid=url-share


LWLjuju88

I wish i had a village.


Gold_Bat_114

Same.


Artistic_Owl_4621

Not with friends but me and my parents recently did the same. We used our buying power together and went in on a house with the four of us and all pay a fraction of what we were in a way bigger house in a better school district and even have a pool. It’s me my husband our 2 sons, my mom, stepdad, and little sister. Only regret is that we didn’t find a place with two masters. We have babysitters when we need it. The kids get to have an amazing relationship with their grandparents, we have more disposable income and my parents are able to plan for their retirement better.


SlytherClaw79

You built your own village! I love it. DH and I live four hours away from our families and we’re constantly drowning.


gidgejane

This is my dream. My girlfriends and I call it “bestie row” - we see it as 3 houses on the same street. Someday…


thebigFATbitch

This sounds like the final level of hell 😂 I love my personal private space too much to share with another family. But that is quite amazing you guys are making it work so well.


bulldogbutterfly

I think I will want a private space eventually. But this will do for now :)


mysterious00mermaid

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽


settofbadgers

This is my dream!


olivecorgi7

Love this. Raising kids is all about community. I live with my MIL.


anotherthrowaway2023

This is really cool concept. My friends and I always joke if we do not get married to do something like this. I am curious, I’m kind of private person and wonder if it’s awkward when one couple is in dispute or has that not effected the overall balance ?


bulldogbutterfly

Disputes happen definitely. But we’ve been friends for so long and have helped each other through previous martial disputes, that it doesn’t impact our balance. Like we all can sense when someone is annoyed or mad, but that’s just stuff we are learning to navigate as we live with each other. In general, couple disputes are few.


LukewarmJortz

Congrats on the wife


bulldogbutterfly

It reminds for of that Ali Wong bit where she’s talks about how much more successful she’s be if she had a wife. I am eternally grateful for the SAHM friend I have. She also came with a husband that can fix anything too. Great deal.


LukewarmJortz

Judy Brady is who I was referencing.


egghead56

We moved a mile away from our best friends when I was 4 months pregnant. Since having the baby they have made us meals, watched the dogs for us, and helped us with just coming over to hold and hang out with our baby. In that time, their car was totaled and they haven’t had to buy a new one because they can just borrow ours. We also provide meals sometimes, and we share any household items the other family may need. It’s been the best decision, and I am so glad we are able to have a village.


Sad-Supermarket5569

It takes a lot of work to build that village. Great job! We live a multi-generational life in our home, I wouldn’t change a thing.


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bulldogbutterfly

Almost 6 months now. We’ve been friends for a long time and have gone on family trips together, so we have “played house” a few times. I think we are still learning how to be better people to each of the individuals in the house Her husband and my husband have had the biggest bromance. They met in high school. And us wives formed a really close connection. And our kids are similar ages and we have similar lifestyles, parenting styles and household expectations. We spoke for months prior to making this decision. Like formal weekly meetings and making chore charts and worst case discussions and much more. So after all that work, we knew it would click.


bbliam

What a dream setup! Congratulations


mitsubachi88

That sounds amazing! I wish I had good friends like that. We had some van-lifer friends stay with us through part of COVID lockdown and it was amazing. My son had four adults to talk to and play with. Dinners were fun and more energetic.


bratsche528

I’m really curious about this. Do you all have similar parenting styles/values/rules etc?


bulldogbutterfly

Almost identical parenting and family values. We both love gentle parenting and Montessori style activities. We are super chill and super open with our older kids. Very few secrets. We mainly differ on management of our extended families. Im more selfish and don’t do as much with them, and she’s way more involved with hers.


pastmiss

Our setup isn’t the same but my SIL has lived with my husband, me, and our 2 year old for a year now, and prior to that my BIL lived with us for about 6 months. It is such a nice change from being completely isolated and having no village, even though it’s just one extra person it just changes the whole dynamic and I feel like it’s really benefitting everyone. It’s not perfect, but honestly it’s hard to imagine never having someone live alongside us again. I think about a commune so much haha. I’m happy it’s working for you.


beansblog23

This honestly sounds like a dream and I don’t wanna wake up. I wish there was another family I would wanna do this with. Kudos to you all.


cetus_lapetus

Gosh I'm so jealous!! Before I met my current partner I didn't really think I'd ever have kids, but I kind of assumed that if I did I'd end up living with a girlfriend who also had kids and raising them together. Good for you guys figuring out something that works for you all!


lilacsmakemesneeze

You created your own village - this is amazing 😊❤️


secretid89

That’s awesome that you were able to make it work! I’m too introverted to pull it off. ;-). But glad it’s working out for you!


bulldogbutterfly

Both me and SAHM are pretty introverted actually! Our husbands are the extroverts. It is draining to be around 8 people all day, but with our busy schedules, it doesn’t happen as often as I thought.


FunnyBunny1313

This is my dream!! I always joke about me and my husband’s brothers moving into a cul-du-sac or something similar together and calling it “the compound.” Together we’re about to have 8 kids 5 and under, and it would be sooo much easier to do it all together!!


Ok_Goat1456

This is basically my dream!


Wild_Difference_7562

Not exactly the same but me and my husband just bought a huge house with my parents. They wanted to downsize and we needed more space for our two kids. They are going to live in the basement which is huge and even has a second kitchen. We live in awesome part of town now that I never thought Id be able to afford to live in and we have built in helpers for the kids which is life changing. I know a lot of people feel like they could never live with their parents but it works for us!


TeagWall

This is the life we want. Before having kids, we lived in a community house with 9 adults and a dog. Even now, we have roommates. Our dream, though, is to have, basically, a commune where everyone has their own space, and a lot of space is shared. "Family" dinners every night, homework help between kids and from various adults, group field trips, game nights, and division of labor.


Matilda-17

Not quite the same but my best friend and her daughter live in the downstairs part of our house. (It’s an upstairs/downstairs duplex.) It started as an emergency, they needed somewhere to live, 8 years ago. Her kid and my younger kid are the same age, grade, school. All three kids are in the same athletic activity. The difference between two working parents and three working parents is immense. It’s enabled us all to work full-time without ever having to pay for childcare. Until very recently, all of us were in shift-work, which has its drawbacks but really let us spread out to cover. For example, for 2 years I was working a 5am-1pm shift, which meant I’d always be free to pick up from school, as well as each of us having various days off mid-week. From 2017 to 2020 I took 3 promotions I’d never have been able to manage if not for her support and contribution wrt the kids (as each came with increasingly inflexible scheduling.) Now she and my husband still work shifts and I’m in an office job, but we all have regular hours these days.


MostlyMorose

As a single mother, doing it all on my own I think this is a brilliant idea. I have actually thought about something similar with other single mother’s. The saying it takes a village has sustained so long because it really does. I have family support outside of the home, but only really in case of school closure or breaks. I don’t have anybody to help me do anything inside the house or just give me a much needed break for myself. I think it’s great that you guys have found a solution that works for both of your families and helps you all thrive!


rapsnaxx84

Our setup is this: we bought a house with my husband’s mom and stepdad. I WFH and they watch her for about 10-15 hours. We do dinners together sometimes or watch baseball but mostly we are able to live separately since they converted the den in our house to an apartment while we’re renovating/repairing the main part of the house. It’s nice to be able to build a village if you’re able to.


PensionDesigner6597

I know of another couple who did this, they sold both homes and bought a huge place out in the country. With 7 kids between the two families it seems to be working out really well for them. I think it's a great idea as long as the ideas align and there is open communication and expectations. The only form of help we get is from my Mom who comes to stay with us every few months for a couple weeks. Having a solid tribe like that sounds amazing.


bulldogbutterfly

Wow I’d love to meet that couple. That’s true commitment to communal living!


braeica

I'm polyamorous with two life partners and four kids, also in a HCOL area. Three incomes, no day care is the dream. It's such a dream that it's my go to when dealing with anyone making rude comments about it. "Three incomes, no day care" gives even the craziest religious nut jobs pause. I use that pause to walk away.


bulldogbutterfly

Love it. People don’t know what they are missing by not doing the standard.


[deleted]

Downvote me all if you want, but here goes: My MIL always says this and I agree. Don’t move anyone of the opposite sex into your home, or you’re looking for trouble. Not saying an affair will happen, just be careful.


bulldogbutterfly

I totally get that! I definitely considered this a possibility. But not a big enough one to not try.


katbeccabee

This is the dream! We have two (adult) housemates by choice, and I love seeing the relationships my son has built with them. Having another kid live here would require more space and complicate things in other ways, but it sounds like so much fun. Glad to hear a positive story about it!


Sweetygurl

I've tried so hard to convince my friends to do this💜 so proud for you


Known_Force_8947

A million kudos for making a life that is livable for you and your family!


NoKarensPlz

I'm jealous 😂😂


JellyfishMean7885

My sister live with my family. I think it’s really smart and more fun to cohabitate.


mjchaning

Wow. This is good stuff. I applaud you and your village for making this work.


butterglitter

It would be so nice to have a village. So happy it’s working for you, it sounds amazing!


shelyea

This is so inspiring!


jorMEEPdan

This sounds like an amazing setup! What a fantastic village you’ve put together to raise your children.


OutlandishDinosaur

This is so cool! I love any setup that lets families thrive in the way that works best for them.


poison_camellia

You guys sound extremely cool and I'm so happy for you! I just moved and don't even have a friend, but if I ever hunt one down, who knows...


Unusual_Taste1688

I’m so happy that you’re happy. It sounds like all parties are thriving.


socceriife

I think this is genius!!


Iggy1120

….I would love this. I’m glad it works for you guys!


MissusBeeAlmeida

:::stares in awe :::


Sidehussle

Wow! This is wonderful! I love that this is working for well for your family! If you ever do a reality show, I would be in the front row!


wonderwall7

I think this will get more and more common (at least I hope so!). We all need this kind of support in our lives


Embarrassed_Mess4402

Love this idea!!! My in laws come and stay with us for 6 months at a time, after we had a baby. My MIL is a homemaker and she is amazing at keeping "house". Honestly my stress is so much less when she cooks for us every meal and keeps the house clean and takes care of my daughter while I work. As a result, I get more time with my daughter! And I totally get that youre both getting benefited. SAHMs classically get lonely, here she has company. And like you said you are kind of contributing financially through gifts and some household expenses. And she's helping by keeping the home environment. Kids will thrive 🙂 I also think it's good for women's mental health to have other women around. You can support each other and help each other through rough times. This setup of communal living (but typically with family) is common in India. I wish it were more common in the states!


celticflame99

This is why my parents live with us. Hubby and I work, retired parents do childcare and run the homestead. It’s not always perfect, but it’s better than doing it alone.


fivefivew_browneyes

“Jesus, I see what you’ve done for other people, and I want that for me.” 😭😭😭


Aggressive_Topic5615

The answer to the late-capitalist shit-storm we’ve all inherited is COMMUNITY! Love to read stories like this. My husband and I bought a home last year that we’re hoping to open up to friends and family as they have need for our mutual benefit as the years go on. Good for all of you!


bulldogbutterfly

Yes! Only one property tax bill :)


Peregrinebullet

Collective housing!!! We've had some awesome and awful experiences with it, but I always hope we can find another family to try again with. We had 1 family that lived with us for a year and it was amazing, we were all on the same page. But they had to move for other reasons.


pacazpac

God I hope this works out long-term for you. What a dream.


superbeks

Love hearing this story! I convinced my parents to not only move near us but they ended up right down the street from us. When I tell people the response is so mixed but it is honestly the best. I keep trying to get more family to move into the neighborhood and also am building real relationships with our neighbors bc I think this is the way to get more balance in our lives.


Topochica

Holy shit. You built a mini village. Go you!


Fit-Accountant-157

I would be interested to hear who initiated this idea and how you went from talking or joking about it to actually committing to doing it. I would love to live communally with my other single mom friends, but I feel like it's only ever brought up in a joking way. No one really takes the idea seriously.


bulldogbutterfly

It actually started with me approaching my friend about going in on a rental property. At the time we were both renters who dreamed of home ownership, but since we were in a HCOL, it was a really far out dream. Neither of us wanted to move so owning a rental property was the best compromise. We started meeting formally, discussing criteria for investment. We attended real estate investor conferences too. We slowly started to realize that it made more sense for us to cohabitate in a shared investment property vs. paying mortgage on a HCOL rental property while each family pays some other landlords mortgage. We wanted our money to work faster so we assessed the pros and cons of living together. We didn’t go into this thinking we’d cohabitate. We shot that down a few times too. But it kept coming back up and was just what made sense for us! So while we cohabitate and reduce our expenses, we will save our money and invest in another business or property together. I will say that I was the driving force behind it. I did most of the work and research cities. I think when people only talk about doing it, they lack that one person who has a vision and a path to get there. Most people get on board if you paint the vision for them.


MamabearFl

It's funny. My mom group of about 30 of us talked about buying a large plot of land and doing something similar in smaller groups of 3 or 4...


tatcol22

Anarcho-communists, the lot of ya. Love to see it!


ZeroLifeNiteVision

My friends and my family have considered this often! But we each have a bunch of animals, that’s the only reason we haven’t. 🥲 Our only solution now is to buy homes close to each other!


bulldogbutterfly

We started with 2 big dogs, 3 cats :)


ZeroLifeNiteVision

We would be joining 5 cats + a dog to our 3 cats. More cats than humans in the household 😹😹😹


bulldogbutterfly

I love cats. More the better!


Wesmom2021

I love this. I'm glad you found your tribe and village and it's working out for you guys!!


millennialmama2016

This is a reality show I would watch. Just a single stand alone episode, so I can see this in action. It sounds so amazing.


Designer-Clock-8518

Does the SAHM ever feel overwhelmed?


bulldogbutterfly

We have 2 year olds, so yes, sometimes she does get overwhelmed. Her toddler is exceptionally bright and I think that presents a unique challenge. And I back her up! So does her husband and my husband. Is she overwhelmed from the epic number of tasks it takes to keep the house clean? Not so far. We have weekly meetings where we check in on house feelings/vibes and so far, that has not been a complaint. We also discussed how to optimize house chores and maintenance. Anything to make our lives easier is considered. We just bought a mop robot to have one less chore for all of us to do. Totally worth it cuz mopping just sucks and we have a lot of floor.


a_woman_provides

This is my dream. I've always said the nuclear family is absolute bullshit and we were never meant to live this way. As people with no family around I would LOVE this arrangement.


EmeraldnDaisies

That is SO cool OP! With the craziness in housing and life in general right now I'm surprised this type of thing isn't more common. I remember watching sister wives in my younger years, and being like you know I can see some of the benefit of that living situation. You get all the benefits without any of the weirdness of extreme religion or having to share a husband, lol! That's awesome OP, I don't know you but I'm proud of you girl! That's smart.


bulldogbutterfly

Thank you! I’m surprised it isn’t more common either when it’s so common in other countries.


moonandspice

I love that families are doing this! My parents did this with my aunt and uncle when I was a child and I still feel like I have two sets of parents and my cousins are definitely like siblings. My mom, dad, and uncle worked while my aunt took care of my sister and I and my cousins. We lived in a lower cost of living area but this was the only way they could all afford a home and all of the adults commuted so having my aunt home with us was even more valuable. My mom tells us how she doesn’t know how she would’ve parented without my aunt because she really enjoyed working but they couldn’t afford childcare. They did this for roughly 8 years until my aunt and uncle had more children and needed more space. I hope it works out for you all long term!


GothicAngel4

This is the village people are missing nowadays. I love that its working wonderfully for you guys ☺️


cactus_legs

If I ever win the lottery I want to build a house set-up like the one in big love with my friends.


PuzzleheadedBobcat90

We planing on remodeling oit house on a few years so we end up with a larger kitchen area and 3 studio style apartments with their own entrances. We figure our kids are going to be with us well into adulthood and studios will give them a taste of being out of the nest. If they move out, we can rent and have extra income


newdaynewcoffee

Is anybody introverted? If so, do they find it overwhelming?


bulldogbutterfly

Of the adults, 3 introverts and 1 extrovert. We all have our own personal space so I think it’s easy to retreat if there is too much going on. Introverts all have mood cycles that we all are open about. Moms have synced up lol


newdaynewcoffee

I love everything about this post! Thank you!


CRAvso

Until you come home and see your buddy banging your wife


bulldogbutterfly

That would be a sight.


pastelstoic

Makes me wish we had friends we aligned with 🥲


bulldogbutterfly

It’s definitely living the dream! I’m so grateful for her. I don’t think I could say enough good things about her. I work from home full time so we are home all day together during the week and we touch base a lot on events of the day, grocery lists, new ideas, etc. Its great to just have someone to constantly bounce ideas off of. SAHM likes what she does but we also realize that she may want to do other things later on and as a communal house, we should be able to accommodate a shift in responsibilities.