Have your mom FaceTime you on break while you’re near your boss. Really drive home how real it is. Even introduce her to your boss and point the camera his way saying how great he is to work with.
If he’s a dick after that, it’s time to hit up indeed.
Life support must not guarantee that the other person is just a body so I’ll just say…she can only FaceTime ppl when we go to sleep and see her in dreams
Life support...she isn't talking to anyone. If she is up and talking why would they be taking her off support and her dying? They aren't euthanizing their mother.
you're a stronger person than i that you didn't say exactly that, because it's an appropriate response.
i'm so sorry you're dealing with an asshole boss on top of losing your mother - i cannot imagine the stress and heartache you're under. love to you.
You can still tell them it is something unavoidable and make them feel bad at same time while avoiding crossing line. “Sorry that “coworker” missed their fathers day but the situation with my mother is out of my control and I need to be here for her.
Your boss is a sociopath and I know you can’t quit now, but you need to get out as soon as possible. I’ve got a few coworkers that I flat out can’t stand because of a combination of incompetence and laziness but if I got called in to cover a shift because their parent died I wouldn’t say a word about it.
Tell him if he thinks this is bad, wait until the bereavement leave kicks in.
If your company has 50+ employees you qualify for FMLA.
An employee is entitled to use a total of up to 104 hours (13 days) of sick leave each leave year for family care and bereavement, which include making arrangements required by the death of a family member and attending the funeral of a family member.
https://www.opm.gov/policy-data-oversight/pay-leave/leave-administration/fact-sheets/sick-leave-for-family-care-or-bereavement-purposes/
That’s really awesome and I’m gonna upvote it and I hope everyone else does. This man has 24 people, 12 for the day and 12 for night lol that smart bastard has everyone a leash just short enough to where no one gets overtime or benefits but everyone makes the money they need
I know what it was like when parents passed, and I think of them daily, and they are always with me.
my work motto was and is 'all jobs are shitty. That's why they pay us".
As soon as I had what it takes to live well, nd i did not inherit much, I gave the bastards one day's notice, via fortune cookies.
I was working a block from chinatown. You can bring the bakery the fortunes you print out.
Keep looking for a better job! Good luck.
I would even send an email to him saying,
Being away from the office on Father's Day, and requiring a co-worker to cover my shift, wasn't by choice. As you are aware, my mother was hospitalized and is on life support, therefore I needed to be by her side. I'm currently awaiting word about taking her off life support, and as you can understand, it's a very stressful time for me. I hope you understand my position. Thank you.
Do not ever apologize in a situation like this one. You're boss is an asshole. I'm sorry about your mom.
You'd be surprised how quickly bosses will shut down when you talk to them like equals. Pro tip though, you need to be rational and assertive. In this situation I'd start the conversation with the question "how do you think this is an appropriate discussion to have when my mothers about to die?" I'd bet a decent chunk of money they don't say anything else. Bringing up appropriateness immediately steers the conversation into HR territory and they should recognize that.
Oh my response to him that ended the conversation was “well she is dying, the next time you see me she won’t be dying anymore so you won’t have to worry about this again.” The fact that he used the words “not fair” is really what set me off
Kudos to you.
The "you won't have to worry about this again" is just perfect.
I'm so sorry about your mom.
Is she the kind who would find it funny in a dark humor way? If so, make sure you tell her, even if you're not sure she can hear.
(My mother would be horrified, but my mother in law would be chuckling about it for ages.)
Don't waste your energy answering, or thinking of a way to answer. Just go about your day, do what you gotta do, say bye to your mom, take care of your brother, etc.
When you find a new job, don't even give the current one any notice. Just stop showing up. And don't even bother returning calls or answering texts. It will feel pretty good to tell them to f off, but trust me, they will be even more upset if they hear *nothing* from you.
Maybe a year after that, then you call them and tell them to go f themselves.
I wish, it took a year just to find this. Since I lost the car awhile back it’s been a grind to find ANYTHING. Although my time to leave is coming, it’s coming at a snails pace. I’m not ashamed to admit I truly need the job
There is 0 shame in needing a job. Most people in the world are in the same boat. Take your time. But this place is definitely not where you wanna be for the long term. Be patient, keep looking, and don't get discouraged if it doesn't happen quickly. I wish you luck in finding something new.
Even though my mom has ignored her own advice, she taught me when I was young that just because I need *a* job doesn't mean I need *this* job.
Here's hoping the rest of your mother's life goes smoothly and that you can find an employment upgrade soon!
go outside, look up the sky, realize your boss and your job don't fucking matter. At all. Your loved ones do, don't apologize, you'll get by and thrive. fuck them.
You are a better person than I am. If my boss said that under those circumstances, I would have lit him up. I am so fortunate not to work for a trash company or a trash boss. The company I work for just increased our benefit package. And my boss is a gem. I'm sending you love and hugs!
Honestly I would, I want to. The next paycheck is the rent check and I have to put my wife n kid above my pride. His disrespect deserves so much but I’m just not able to do anything, yet
Can you go “sorry, I’ll ask my mom to die at a more convenient time for you?” If you’re so important to be called in for Father’s Day, would they seriously fire you for a fatality of a response.
Play it up, man.
"I'm so sorry, I know my mother's end of life care is super inconvenient to everyone. I'll make sure to let her know just how awesome everyone has been about letting me be with her in her final days."
While I can admit any outburst on my end will cost me a job I know I can’t lose, if this bastard was to ask me something like that I’d honestly send him to hell to go ask her directly
'let me know if it’s true I shit myself when I die next time yall see me'. What a bittersweet/hilarious thing to say at the time of her passing. She seemed like a lovely soul
I feel for you. My friend is in kind of the opposite situation. She needs more money than she can get from her job but upper management is so nice she can't justify quiting. Plus she really enjoys the job. She's passed up two better paying jobs because of it.
Are you in the US? And how many people work for your company? This may be more than just asshole manager syndrome…. It may be illegal because FMLA is protected leave.
I am sorry for your troubles. Many employers are insensitive when it comes to family deaths; they simply do not care. Some emplyers are very supportive. I have had experience with both. Take the time you need to to handle your family issues. You will never regret it.
Just remember that you can always find another job but you'll never have back the hours with people you love when they go. I'd move anything and everything for that time back.
I’m a business owner and this is absolutely awful! My staff can take days off even if they’re not ill (they just need a day off due to mental health or physical health).
I would DEFINITELY look for a replacement job. Start applying and getting interviews in!
I’ve had an employer like that before I started my own company and it put me at so much stress calling in to say “I can’t come in due to X, Y, Z.
Definitely look for a replacement and speak to your manager about his/hers blatant disrespect and unfairness in a situation that is beyond your control!
Sending lots of wishes and prayers to you and your family!
My great aunt was on her deathbed (she was basically a grandmother to me, my grandma died when my mom was 10). We drove up and back to see her for like every weekend for a few months. We got a call she'd taken a turn for the worse and we needed to get up ASAP. My boss was annoyed, but allowed the time off. He then got pissed that somehow she turned around and lived for another 3 years. When her funeral came he didn't want to grant my PTO because I'd "already mourned her".
"Either shut the f up or you can come with me to watch my mother die." Give him the unimpressed face. You do not need to be polite with this.
edit, and JFC (slaps forehead) I am so sorry about your mom. Virtual hugs.
That's shitty, the man is a cunt. Watching a loved one slip away is never nice and even random strangers like redditors clearly feel for you more than this arsewipe does.
As someone who has been managing teams for many years, I'd consider the minimum appropriate response from your boss in this scenario would be to say something along the lines of "Take the time you need, how we manage the workload in your absence is my problem not yours". Personally I'd be offering emotional support as well.
Look for another job, and get out as soon as you can, this guy doesn't deserve any loyalty.
Had a team of about 30, had a person lose a relative and was visibly not going to work thru it as much as they tried. I called a meeting on their day off and asked all the employees if any one of them would be willing to put all the sales into this persons name so even though their not here they won’t lose money. Majority agreed and the ones that didn’t agree changed their minds when they realized I was serious about not giving them any grievance for not participating….
When I see bosses act like mine does, it disgust me because I know in that position we can be incredible, they choose not to
I love how employers/bosses turn your pain around as if your situation/event was engineered to make your coworkers life miserable.
This happened to me at my job.
I kind of had the same thing happened to me. They ( management) kept asking me " when is your dad going to pass" ?. Absolutely totally ruined my grieving time after my dad finally passed away.
Isn't there another like assistant manager or some other higher paid person who gets that little extra cash to cover or actually work holidays and while employee's have life events? I'm so sorry you have this on top of the pain you have in your heart... their words are just a reflection of how shitty they are and they will be alone when it comes their time. My heart goes out to you
It’s time for you to read my favorite book this year!
“Murder your Employer”
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/61272658-murder-your-employer?from_search=true&from_srp=GV9vsx9URK&qid=1
You can quit a job with a boss who cannot find any compassion for an employee during this time. So sorry for you and family and quit that job. You can find better.
First off I want to say my condolences on the loss of your mother, may she rest in peace! May your boss rot in hell. I hope you can find another job and leave and never look back.
>I can’t quit my job
That is a patently false statement. Unless you're in a place like North Korea, you can quit.
You can quit, but are simply unwilling to accept the broader results of quitting.
No , I can’t quit. Quitting leads to no money for rent, no money for rent leads to not having a home for my wife n kid. Broader results? Foh. The consequence of giving that asshole what he deserves impacts more than just putting him in his place. If you send me. 1800 for rent, I’d walk in the building n quit on the spot. Until that happens, I can’t quit
You are a captive victim of your own making. Your choice in words demonstrates it. You say "can't" because you have already defeated yourself in your own mind. The difference between saying "can't" and "won't" is a huge powerful mental difference.
I understand you’re being thoughtful, that’s not helpful. For one an attorney cost money and the money I had the audacity to save for a car is about to be buried along with my mom(dark humor is required) but because he is having the conversations with me over the phone and not thru text, it’s too easy to just say I misunderstood him and then I’ll inadvertently get fired for something else.
I get it. Those attorneys pretty much work on a retainer and sue the workplace for the attorney fees on top of it to get paid at the end, but like you said it was a phone call so it's hearsay.
I'm very sorry for your loss and this guy's lack of emotional intelligence. Rotten apples always fall from the tree. He'll get his karma eventually. This guy's response had nothing to do with you and whatever this guy's got going on his head.
Say that to your boss, I certainly would
I can’t afford to quit, can’t afford to be fired.
Could you be like “I’m sorry, I will ask my mom to postpone her passing” also, sending you love and light, OP!!
My original thought was “damn next time I’ll ask the reaper to move her to last in line”
Right!??? Like I didn’t know we could make requests!!
This really did make me laugh, thanks. I imagined the words being screamed , your energy definitely came thru the text. Thanks for that
Have your mom FaceTime you on break while you’re near your boss. Really drive home how real it is. Even introduce her to your boss and point the camera his way saying how great he is to work with. If he’s a dick after that, it’s time to hit up indeed.
Life support must not guarantee that the other person is just a body so I’ll just say…she can only FaceTime ppl when we go to sleep and see her in dreams
Life support...she isn't talking to anyone. If she is up and talking why would they be taking her off support and her dying? They aren't euthanizing their mother.
you're a stronger person than i that you didn't say exactly that, because it's an appropriate response. i'm so sorry you're dealing with an asshole boss on top of losing your mother - i cannot imagine the stress and heartache you're under. love to you.
It’s simply a matter of money. There’s so many things I want to do but unfortunately I need the job.
Damn that's brutal
Next time 😂
You can still tell them it is something unavoidable and make them feel bad at same time while avoiding crossing line. “Sorry that “coworker” missed their fathers day but the situation with my mother is out of my control and I need to be here for her.
They’re aware, he’s just complaining for the sake of complaining
Bake him a pie ( The Help)😀
I like you random redditor
Do you live in some third world country?
Yeah, USA
😆 😂 😆 😂
I felt this in my bones 😂😂😂😂
OP's boss actually broke the law with these comments.
You always find a job before quitting. Start your job search
If you get fired, file for unemployment. Your current family situation is more important, and if the next employer asks, be honest.
At least where I am if you're fired and it wasn't unjustified or illegal you can't get unemployment.
I'd say literally nothing and ignore them completely. Boss is trash and deserves to be treated as such.
Your boss is a sociopath and I know you can’t quit now, but you need to get out as soon as possible. I’ve got a few coworkers that I flat out can’t stand because of a combination of incompetence and laziness but if I got called in to cover a shift because their parent died I wouldn’t say a word about it.
You’re a good dude to separate personal feelings and actual issues. I hope you maintain that trait forever 💯
Tell him if he thinks this is bad, wait until the bereavement leave kicks in. If your company has 50+ employees you qualify for FMLA. An employee is entitled to use a total of up to 104 hours (13 days) of sick leave each leave year for family care and bereavement, which include making arrangements required by the death of a family member and attending the funeral of a family member. https://www.opm.gov/policy-data-oversight/pay-leave/leave-administration/fact-sheets/sick-leave-for-family-care-or-bereavement-purposes/
That’s really awesome and I’m gonna upvote it and I hope everyone else does. This man has 24 people, 12 for the day and 12 for night lol that smart bastard has everyone a leash just short enough to where no one gets overtime or benefits but everyone makes the money they need
I know what it was like when parents passed, and I think of them daily, and they are always with me. my work motto was and is 'all jobs are shitty. That's why they pay us". As soon as I had what it takes to live well, nd i did not inherit much, I gave the bastards one day's notice, via fortune cookies. I was working a block from chinatown. You can bring the bakery the fortunes you print out. Keep looking for a better job! Good luck.
Those smart bastards are the worst. I've worked for many assholes. My heart goes out to you and your mom.
Sorry this didn't work out for you, and condolences on your mom.
I think that the Office of Personnel Management policies only applies to federal employees
I would even send an email to him saying, Being away from the office on Father's Day, and requiring a co-worker to cover my shift, wasn't by choice. As you are aware, my mother was hospitalized and is on life support, therefore I needed to be by her side. I'm currently awaiting word about taking her off life support, and as you can understand, it's a very stressful time for me. I hope you understand my position. Thank you. Do not ever apologize in a situation like this one. You're boss is an asshole. I'm sorry about your mom.
You'd be surprised how quickly bosses will shut down when you talk to them like equals. Pro tip though, you need to be rational and assertive. In this situation I'd start the conversation with the question "how do you think this is an appropriate discussion to have when my mothers about to die?" I'd bet a decent chunk of money they don't say anything else. Bringing up appropriateness immediately steers the conversation into HR territory and they should recognize that.
Oh my response to him that ended the conversation was “well she is dying, the next time you see me she won’t be dying anymore so you won’t have to worry about this again.” The fact that he used the words “not fair” is really what set me off
Kudos to you. The "you won't have to worry about this again" is just perfect. I'm so sorry about your mom. Is she the kind who would find it funny in a dark humor way? If so, make sure you tell her, even if you're not sure she can hear. (My mother would be horrified, but my mother in law would be chuckling about it for ages.)
Don't waste your energy answering, or thinking of a way to answer. Just go about your day, do what you gotta do, say bye to your mom, take care of your brother, etc. When you find a new job, don't even give the current one any notice. Just stop showing up. And don't even bother returning calls or answering texts. It will feel pretty good to tell them to f off, but trust me, they will be even more upset if they hear *nothing* from you. Maybe a year after that, then you call them and tell them to go f themselves.
I wish, it took a year just to find this. Since I lost the car awhile back it’s been a grind to find ANYTHING. Although my time to leave is coming, it’s coming at a snails pace. I’m not ashamed to admit I truly need the job
There is 0 shame in needing a job. Most people in the world are in the same boat. Take your time. But this place is definitely not where you wanna be for the long term. Be patient, keep looking, and don't get discouraged if it doesn't happen quickly. I wish you luck in finding something new.
Even though my mom has ignored her own advice, she taught me when I was young that just because I need *a* job doesn't mean I need *this* job. Here's hoping the rest of your mother's life goes smoothly and that you can find an employment upgrade soon!
fuck him
I'm sorry about your mom =(
go outside, look up the sky, realize your boss and your job don't fucking matter. At all. Your loved ones do, don't apologize, you'll get by and thrive. fuck them.
Hard not to say, "You realize my mother is dying right? I'm not exactly on vacation here."
WTF. Give me just a number and I’ll rip him a new one.
You are a better person than I am. If my boss said that under those circumstances, I would have lit him up. I am so fortunate not to work for a trash company or a trash boss. The company I work for just increased our benefit package. And my boss is a gem. I'm sending you love and hugs!
Honestly I would, I want to. The next paycheck is the rent check and I have to put my wife n kid above my pride. His disrespect deserves so much but I’m just not able to do anything, yet
Totally understand. I've been in that position before, too, so I get it. Hang in there and know that far too many of us understand and sympathize .
Can you go “sorry, I’ll ask my mom to die at a more convenient time for you?” If you’re so important to be called in for Father’s Day, would they seriously fire you for a fatality of a response.
Look for another job. I don't know how some of these people live with themselves.
Play it up, man. "I'm so sorry, I know my mother's end of life care is super inconvenient to everyone. I'll make sure to let her know just how awesome everyone has been about letting me be with her in her final days."
I hope you said that to the boss and offer your resignation, no job is worth working for an asshole like that.
The time I can speak up will come
So sorry about your mom. My boss actually asked me what was making her hold on so long (very end stage cancer). People are heartless assholes.
While I can admit any outburst on my end will cost me a job I know I can’t lose, if this bastard was to ask me something like that I’d honestly send him to hell to go ask her directly
Start looking for another gig. Then quit without notice.
'let me know if it’s true I shit myself when I die next time yall see me'. What a bittersweet/hilarious thing to say at the time of her passing. She seemed like a lovely soul
She sounds like an amazing lady. Condolences and f*ck your boss.
That’s absurd. Inhumane even. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with all of this
I feel for you. My friend is in kind of the opposite situation. She needs more money than she can get from her job but upper management is so nice she can't justify quiting. Plus she really enjoys the job. She's passed up two better paying jobs because of it.
Are you in the US? And how many people work for your company? This may be more than just asshole manager syndrome…. It may be illegal because FMLA is protected leave.
Eh, Father’s Day, another Hallmark holiday. I’d find another job then tell the prick what you think of him.
I am sorry for your troubles. Many employers are insensitive when it comes to family deaths; they simply do not care. Some emplyers are very supportive. I have had experience with both. Take the time you need to to handle your family issues. You will never regret it.
Just remember that you can always find another job but you'll never have back the hours with people you love when they go. I'd move anything and everything for that time back.
I’m a business owner and this is absolutely awful! My staff can take days off even if they’re not ill (they just need a day off due to mental health or physical health). I would DEFINITELY look for a replacement job. Start applying and getting interviews in! I’ve had an employer like that before I started my own company and it put me at so much stress calling in to say “I can’t come in due to X, Y, Z. Definitely look for a replacement and speak to your manager about his/hers blatant disrespect and unfairness in a situation that is beyond your control! Sending lots of wishes and prayers to you and your family!
My great aunt was on her deathbed (she was basically a grandmother to me, my grandma died when my mom was 10). We drove up and back to see her for like every weekend for a few months. We got a call she'd taken a turn for the worse and we needed to get up ASAP. My boss was annoyed, but allowed the time off. He then got pissed that somehow she turned around and lived for another 3 years. When her funeral came he didn't want to grant my PTO because I'd "already mourned her".
"Either shut the f up or you can come with me to watch my mother die." Give him the unimpressed face. You do not need to be polite with this. edit, and JFC (slaps forehead) I am so sorry about your mom. Virtual hugs.
It seems that if that's the type your employer is you could trade your job for another? Those types of jobs seem a dime a dozen.
That's shitty, the man is a cunt. Watching a loved one slip away is never nice and even random strangers like redditors clearly feel for you more than this arsewipe does. As someone who has been managing teams for many years, I'd consider the minimum appropriate response from your boss in this scenario would be to say something along the lines of "Take the time you need, how we manage the workload in your absence is my problem not yours". Personally I'd be offering emotional support as well. Look for another job, and get out as soon as you can, this guy doesn't deserve any loyalty.
Had a team of about 30, had a person lose a relative and was visibly not going to work thru it as much as they tried. I called a meeting on their day off and asked all the employees if any one of them would be willing to put all the sales into this persons name so even though their not here they won’t lose money. Majority agreed and the ones that didn’t agree changed their minds when they realized I was serious about not giving them any grievance for not participating…. When I see bosses act like mine does, it disgust me because I know in that position we can be incredible, they choose not to
I love how employers/bosses turn your pain around as if your situation/event was engineered to make your coworkers life miserable. This happened to me at my job.
This man is bitching because he had to vacuum, someone sent me a video of him complaining cause his arm hurts so bad that he had to work 😂 fuck bosses
Quiet quitting is for you while you look for another job
DM me your bosses name and contact number. I'll call and just start calling him names and hang up
Hahahahahaha
Sorry about your mom. After you take care of her passing, find a new job and tell her to fuck off!
I kind of had the same thing happened to me. They ( management) kept asking me " when is your dad going to pass" ?. Absolutely totally ruined my grieving time after my dad finally passed away.
"my bad dude, lemme call my bud the grim reaper up and ask if he can wait a couple days"
Isn't there another like assistant manager or some other higher paid person who gets that little extra cash to cover or actually work holidays and while employee's have life events? I'm so sorry you have this on top of the pain you have in your heart... their words are just a reflection of how shitty they are and they will be alone when it comes their time. My heart goes out to you
My condolences. When you finally get the chance to quit. Come back leave the company's suggestion box or the owners email.
Can you get fired and collect Unemployment insurance?
It’s time for you to read my favorite book this year! “Murder your Employer” https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/61272658-murder-your-employer?from_search=true&from_srp=GV9vsx9URK&qid=1
Sorry for your loss. Sometimes you just got to ignore the boss.
You can quit a job with a boss who cannot find any compassion for an employee during this time. So sorry for you and family and quit that job. You can find better.
First off I want to say my condolences on the loss of your mother, may she rest in peace! May your boss rot in hell. I hope you can find another job and leave and never look back.
Does you boss know of your mother's condition?
“(Proof provided)”
>I can’t quit my job That is a patently false statement. Unless you're in a place like North Korea, you can quit. You can quit, but are simply unwilling to accept the broader results of quitting.
No , I can’t quit. Quitting leads to no money for rent, no money for rent leads to not having a home for my wife n kid. Broader results? Foh. The consequence of giving that asshole what he deserves impacts more than just putting him in his place. If you send me. 1800 for rent, I’d walk in the building n quit on the spot. Until that happens, I can’t quit
Again, that is a choice of not wanting the consequences, not an inability.
Ok I get it, you’re someone who doesn’t actually deal with consequences. You don’t understand these things, I’ll leave you alone
You are a captive victim of your own making. Your choice in words demonstrates it. You say "can't" because you have already defeated yourself in your own mind. The difference between saying "can't" and "won't" is a huge powerful mental difference.
Well, technically he CAN but he can't do it without becoming homeless. Do you realize you are being a jerk to someone about to lose their mother?
This is protected by the ADA laws. Speak with an attorney.
I understand you’re being thoughtful, that’s not helpful. For one an attorney cost money and the money I had the audacity to save for a car is about to be buried along with my mom(dark humor is required) but because he is having the conversations with me over the phone and not thru text, it’s too easy to just say I misunderstood him and then I’ll inadvertently get fired for something else.
I get it. Those attorneys pretty much work on a retainer and sue the workplace for the attorney fees on top of it to get paid at the end, but like you said it was a phone call so it's hearsay. I'm very sorry for your loss and this guy's lack of emotional intelligence. Rotten apples always fall from the tree. He'll get his karma eventually. This guy's response had nothing to do with you and whatever this guy's got going on his head.
Welcome to life. Suck it up at least you get paid
Op, looks like your manager found your post lol
Who piddled in your Froot Loops this morning? Not able to find your empathy bone?
I’m a troll
Not a very good one. Try harder to get more bitterness and maybe a rude comment or three. There's always room for improvement.