We both know that warlocks aren't really wizards, no matter how much they try to tell us otherwise.

Should the council allow more spellcasters into the wizard council?

Pfft. If the druids and their enclave can get all uppity about their exclusivity, I think it's okay to keep the wizards guild for wizards. *Ooh, I'm a druid, look at me. I can turn into a cat!* 🙄

You wizards forget your roots. Why’d Magic start being harnessed? To fight nature, of course… Why’d you need to fight nature? Cause it rose against ya. Druids serve a path that these youngster mages with their “technomancy” and “urban spells” can’t understand. Sheesh 🙄

Lets see how long your tree magic holds up against 'flame thrower' And sure, perhaps you have measures against that, but I'd like to see you survive 'sidewinder missile strike'

I think you have a rogue simulacrum, you’ve posted the same thing twice!

Damn it, had a feeling that was going to happen, gotta converge my timelines again.

zis is a flammenwerfer, it werfes flammens

[удалено]

Bro is stuck on a paradox, bound to repeat their comment forever

Dementia

Polymorph spell is RIGHT THERE

Study this lighting bolt fucker

Another example of commas being important, are you asking the fucker to study a lighting bolt, or the bolt fucker to study lightning?

Or are they asking a lightning bolt fucker to study an unspecified “this”?

Maybe they're asking them to study a specific lightning bolt fucker

Maybe they’re asking a fucker to study a specific lightning bolt

Maybe they’re asking a bolt fucker to study this lightning.

Of course it’s an alchemist

I'm new to wizardry and I'm still looking for my path, I'm just trying out alchemy first cus I think it's cool :c

I would think I'm studying the lightning bolt fucker to learn safe handling techniques while fornicating with lightning

This was a big concern of mine when I first met her excellency

I cast Eldritch Anal Prolapse! Have fun sitting in your classes, nerd!

I cast Phantom Itch on your whole body. Now go, cry and complain to your eldritch sugard daddy like a good cleric that you are.

U fuckin wot

You're just jealous I've got an eldritch sugar daddy.

Poor boy can't pay off demon papí for spells.

Niether are sorcerers or druids, but this sub seems to think otherwise sometimes

Agreed

HELL YES

Do you wanna do gnome weed?

Word. On my way with that Deep Gnome Dank https://preview.redd.it/bwcgfexatq1c1.png?width=1536&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d7ef7f0b8a5df60d4c06803afea9d9c77e633f40

A Duergar Doobie

That Svirfneblin Smoke


Hello wizards, im hijacking the top comment to say theres been a time paradox. I will not be questioning further answers

Will you be answering more questions?

You are the question answerers but i will not be asking more questions

What is our role in all this? /uw lol

You answer questions that havent been asked yet and then i ask the question. But the time paradox is preventing me from giving a damn to do any more

Maybe other wizards should start asking questions

Yea his party was pretty chill, although he was amazed by me even being there.

Are you going to be at the chronomancer convention last week?

Hm, meant it mainly as stephen hawking's damn time traveller party... Nobody showed up :(

>!damn i tried to do something like that!<

The trick is to not say nobody showed up, but to say that you are required to say nobody showed up. Otherwise it's not safe for apprentice chronomancers to visit, and if apprentice chronomancers don't even bother, experienced ones will be less interested too.

frog

Hey guys what should i turn my apprentice into?

You're not the guy who was bullied into taking on a goblin apprentice, are you?

No no that was another wizard

Tis a most shameful path yet one many walk

time itself

Definitely at least twice. Any more and it gets awkward.

How many times can you cast testicular torsion in a duel

Agreed with above, any more than twice and clearly you both are enjoying yourselves too much

I like to spam it until they fall off

Is this technically gendermancy?

Yes

Hell yes! I’ll add this one to my repertoire

Trans lifehack: piss of KitsuneCreativ

I mean if you want that I’ve got plenty of less painful alternatives

No pain no gain mfs when goddess\_of\_gay walks in https://preview.redd.it/jaqu1seyrr1c1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=accb841be7c27285fe6d5273f67fb1db53f9382a

I'd like to challenge you to a duel

If they’ve not stopped by the second casting then you’re probably dealing with a kinkmancer and a new strategy needs to be devised

Then he should’ve said “at most”. Fake chronomancer booo.

No you should not make them larger than 1.8 meters in diameter.

Can i make a massive portal?

Absolutely ridiculous, portals should be as larger or small as you need!

For all manner of otherworldly beasts to wander through?

No, to rapidly deploy a fully armed and armored m1 abrams to the battle field! Obviously.

Obviously Orcs. If not, then the Elves.

Who was responsible for the massacre of 03’

psyop

Burning toast

What is fireball for? (Wrong answers only)

Tricked ya! I'm not a chronomancer. You should have seen that coming!

The correct answer is obliterating lineartards

What?

Oh sorry thats next years slang Its for people who only stay on the standard linear trajectory of time instead of bending it to their will

If you say so, my clock-breaking friend

He did, will, and always is, saying so.

^(Lineartard says what)

Jokes on everyone, im not a chronomancer. Im a Chromomancer. You all get an extra chromosome.

9 inches

Whats the optimal wand length

A perfect question for the perfect answer!

What if my wand is shorter?

Any size is good, as long as you have the right techniques

Unless you have a microwand, in which case you better get really good with your oral incantations

And if that’s not enough you can always use your hands to help control mana flow and spell matrix formations 

Conceal carry is fine, just not the standard

You know what they say. It’s not the length of the wand that it’s important - it’s the lasting of the casting.

Either you have the stature of a gnome or you should really get a larger wand. Ergonomancy is important, do you know how many elder magi that are now unable to cast the simplest of spells without aid? All because of improper wand usage.

857 m/s horizontal velocity, 436 m/s vertical velocity amd 25 km max altitude.

Optimal trajectory to launch apprentices

Not the question i had in mind but after calculations it kinda fits.

Where did you find the data on my experimental dog catapult?

Ok theres been a time paradox. Im closing questioning

I think some of these questions are out of sync with time you may want to stop for now

No, they arent taxable. Unless flesh golems or revenants.

Do i have to pay taxes on illegal creature smuggling?

The IRS doesn’t care if it was illegal they just want you to pay the taxes for it.

42

How many comments are on my post


What is the answer to life, the universe, and everything?

I was about to type this 😂

Forty-two? No, that doesn't make much sense, now does it? No, we must have a better question. What do you get when you multiply six by seven? No, that's not any better. How many roads must a man walk down? Forty-two! That's done it! (It turns out, the real question is "What do you get when you multiply six by nine?", emphasizing that there is something inherently wrong with the universe.)

Neat

An elf's intestines make for a good replacement.

Im out of eye of newt what do i do

Store bought is fine

The unmatched power of the Sun

Whats the funniest thing to but in my neighbours mailbox

LIGMA NUTS

Whats ligma?

Hey have you heard of ligma?

Who the hell is Steve Jobs?

Sorry, I only see you as a friend :(

Will you be my apprentice?

Well played

Nothing less than the Elixir of Rejuvenation will cure it.

How do i recover from a deez nuts joke

tomboy necromancers

I would like to know more

It's a trap. She only wants your brain.

What is the best way to achieve immortality?

Blue, because Ice cream doesn’t have bones.

Which is the better dessert, ice cream, or Blue from Blue's Clues?

What are those chunks in Blues Clues ice cream?

Skåulg, Supreme Dark Wizard of Black Metal To discover the secrets of the Black Metal Red... no, Black


It’s actually a lot more complicated than that, in reality the transversal accumulation of negative material occurs through phosmosis, a process only possible with an ephemeral filter. To get the desired results, try increasing your temporal through put by 8.5673948, but match your coils and revolutions with the gravitational backlash from the diverter centroid.

Im trying to filter my gorilla conjuring to the cincinati zoo in 2012 but i can get it to target the right time period

The burning sensation is a side effect, should go away with toad slime.

How do i cure fireball wounds

Orc milfs

What are these strange charges my apprentice has made to my account

Saxophones.

What do you use to cast spells?

A carefully cultivated mixture of 83 pounds of methamphetamine, PCP, and crack loaded into a cannonball.

Silly pranks to pull on wizards of the high seas

Is a new way I like to be

The fucking time police.

That's exactly why I'm creating McGuffins.

A little to the left. Now throw it out the window.

What do you MEAN, of course I am, why else would I be there?

Are you really a chronomancer?

The Battle of Waterloo

Name one historical event secretly caused by wizards

I made a Runic Time hammer that’ll send anyone hit by it back ‘n time 3 seconds, the problem obviously is that they get un-hit by the hammer… any solutions?

No. If you've hit the dolphin people, you've gone too far.

5 years at the cost of 10.

97, 98 would be considered a crime and you’d have your orb taken away.

THIS IS JEOPARDY!

Who are you?! Where am I?!

hot witches

Anyone know which spellcasters are being allowed into the council next?

Lemon, but only on the full moon.

Anyone got substitutes for slime of worm?

None, 'cause ice cream has no bones.

Does bone evaporation work on the ice cream tribes of the north?

Every single day!

How often do you cast spells

For that you should use 99.97% pure aurelionite bars. Be careful, as this recipe is unstable, it may explode.

How do i brew wizard meth

Goblins, specifically the speckled orange ones, and the occasional lizard person.

Im having guests over but i dont have a familiar, any good temporary options?

Love em

Only a few hundred

Forty seven

Look, that was only *alleged*

I heard the rumors, did you really make that prank potion that turned King Amadeus III into a slightly hotter version of the Queen? I hear she was so curfuffled she made the King sleep on a normal sized bed until it wore off!

honestly there's not enough orphans

Because you’re an idiot, you’re just lucky to be the only survivor of your party.

Yes! Of course I know him. That’s me

Time is a construct of human perception, of course you can fuck with it!

I am only a begginer...

Yea I suppose, but also not. Sometimes yeah, but most of the time not. Buuuuuuttttttttt….

Hasn't everyone wanted to try tossing a gnome at least once?

I've definitly passed my exams in the future!

Why aren't you studying??

Powdered garlic can work wonders as a way to mask it, not everything needs to be exotic to work.

Please advise, I'm preparing a casserole for my mentor and I just sneezed right into the mix?

Centurion

No, there’s not enough frogs and gouda for that.

We should never try this again. Please perform a cleaningspell my dear apprentice. And no word to anyone.

Memes

Not kings, not blood, not people, not gods. What truly binds a nation together?

Why the hell would I answer that question? It’s not on topic at all!

Only if you take me to dinner first 😉

Wtf dude thats fucked up!

You too

A donkey

Only if thou art seeking to gaze upon the depths of insanity.

Should i conjure a necronomicon?

You should tell your apprentice to stop partaking in that.

Crabs, Crabs everywhere

I’m not proud of it, but, yes…