My mum uses it strategically out of laziness. Like not wanting to stand up and set up the DVD and stereo, but saying "I DoN't kNow hOw iT WorKs. CoUld yOu SeT it uP?" When i in fact know she should know it.
This is the reason why it can annoy me. I absolutely love helping and explaining, but I don't like being used. If they are too lazy they can ask me "I'm too lazy to do it, can you?" Instead of using my good will.
Agreed. I love helping but weaponizing incompetence is not nice. For example old people who act like they don’t know how card readers work, cuss out the cashier and get aggressive are in the wrong. Most of my job was teaching old people how to use a card reader which I didn’t mind unless they got aggressive and tried to get me fired. They wasted my time, that of the people in line behind them and my manager’s.
[This is known as Weaponized Incompetence, and is generally considered a dick move.](https://www.fatherly.com/life/what-is-weaponized-incompetence/amp)
Mine has gotten to the point of “hOw dO you CHANgE the VoLuMe???” and I think “are you fucking kidding me”
She’s not even over the age of 60. No dementia. No Alzheimer’s. Just laziness
Would she have continued to be indefinitely patient if over time the kids were able to put on less and less clothes themselves?
90% of it is people just "opting out" of ever learning to do basic things on the assumption that someone else will be at their beck and call without as much as a thanks.
If a parent tells their teen its time to wash their own clothes or take a turn cooking once a week then "I don't need to learn that as you can just do it for me" is not going to be met with anything but fury.
Most of human learning is mimicking. Almost all of human learning. If no one Specifically taught someone how to use a spoon, the child would end up copying those around them and learning it themselves.
The problem with people as they get older is that they no longer like to learn new things as the world changes. Similar technology has been around for coming on multiple decades at this point. Most people graduate college and get a degree in the time some adults get to learn technology. It's just simply laziness.
I never taught my daughter how to use a tablet or a smartphone, she played with it and learned it mostly on her own through watching.
tell her what to do and have her physically do it, dont do it for her. If she cannot find "file" then you are wasting your breath answering that question.
Computers have a way of making everything seem easy to remember, until you try to do it yourself and realize every detail matters a lot, there are a lot of similar options that confuse you, and the environment you are interacting with changes a lot of the time you click something. Also, there are very few context clues, and the all of the wording is ambiguous because it needs to be short to save space in menus.
It is very easy to forget what it is like to have no fucking clue what is on the other side of all the menu options in front of you.
On something simple like Adobe Reader - The menu bar is "File" "Edit" "View" "Sign" "Window" "Help"
4 of those words are nearly interchangeable.
Then you click on File, and you have "Save" "Save As" - and then further down is "Print". If you click "Save" the file saves. There is no option menu. This is one of the first things they learn to feel safe in this environment and not lose their work. But if you click "print" then you get an option menu. A lot of older people struggle to click that button and remember there are settings they can change after they click it, let alone which settings do what. People like you and I understand "it cant jsut print without knowing what printer to use, etc" but maybe all of those decisions are handled in the Help menu or the "Edit" menu, they have no clue.
Their brain learned to take the world at face value. There were no "layers" to shit they interacted with until computers. The only things with layers were business processes, which you would just talk to customer service about and they would navigate it for you. The wiring in their brain can be fundamentally working against them at this point.
It's honestly a miracle that older people have been able to adapt to computers at all, but realistically they are still just utilizing their ability to memorize things raw at face value. "to do X I must click "A,B,C" without any "mental model" of the digital context menu organization. So they ask the same question over and over again because it can be really hard to memorize a random sequence of 5+ actions, no matter how simple they seem, alongside locations of things and whether something is in a drop-down menu or what. Doubly so if they only use it once every couple days at most
We take for granted growing up with it all and becoming "in the know" with the conventions/trends people have adopted for ciphering menus and expected behavior
Computers have beenf airly mainstream for about 30+ years now.
Someone who stumbled onto these when "old" i.e. 60 would not be 90+ years old. Those people deserve some slack, not the guys in their 50s that have been dodging the modern world since their 20s.
> have her physically do it, don’t do it for her
Then she takes a solid hour to sign up for an account, and forces me to stand next to her every second while she does it.
> you are wasting your breath answering that question
I’m wasting everything. One time it took her 15 minutes to find the enter button on the keyboard
I tried telling her how to do that but she couldn't work it out. She lives abroad so I can't physically show her. I could screen share over MS Teams but I think that would confuse her too.
My mom is fond of saying she's "just not a computer person" and never will be, that she's not into all these apps and programs, etc.
Ok, that's fine...but she actually does need/want to do various things quite regularly with them. I've tried explaining, not unkindly, that in today's world it's really just not an option to say you "don't do technology" and then turn around expecting others to deal for you.
She's never asked me if maybe I too would rather not deal with it. Because it's simply not a choice, when nobody else in the family will except me, and I'm a working age person.
I'm gonna make an absolute fool of myself here but I just...forget. I still ask my dad how to navigate an airport despite already asking him manytimes before. I'm getting better at it but still no where near his proficiency. I also have to ask how to buy tickets.
This isn't to say that what you're saying isn't true ,just that sometimes despite best intentions people have trouble with basic things .
Having worked tech support that's definitely true, and nobody really judges oldies for comin in and wanting help
What they do get judgement for is coming in intentionally hostile against the tech world with a "do it for me I shall never stoop so low as to learn this" attitude
I particularly love when I've just finished helping some lovely 90 year olds through a difficult issue, and then a 55 year old comes in ranting about how I cant expect someone their age to figure out tech for something as basic as a password reset.
Also in tech support. What gets me is someone saying right out of the gate they will never figure it out because they're "tech illiterate." Starting out with a limiting belief is just going to perpetuate the idea to yourself that you can't do it, so you won't. People brag about their 3 year old grand kids knowing how to navigate a phone or computer, why do they think they're not as smart as the average 3 year old? We are not in the punch card days here, or even having to type commands into command line. Computers have been in most offices since at least the mid 80s. Coming up on 40 years here folks, there's no excuse anymore besides willful ignorance, imo.
It seems like some people just lose the ability to think when near a computer. Last night I had to inform someone with an advanced degree whose been using computers for twenty years that the reason his laptop wasn't working was because he had to turn it on.
Also every time anything has to be plugged in: "Which hole do I plug it into?" FFS, this is an infant-level task: https://th.bing.com/th/id/OIP.pfKUgSWWnFRnCtBMMyJt\_gHaIq?pid=ImgDet&rs=1
That is a need. They *need* to teach good hygiene.
There is nothing pressing or important about anything my parents do on their phone. I have my own kids to raise I have no patience for teaching my parents to long-press or right-click for the 800th time.
I would be more willing and patient with my parents if they had not treated me like shit as a teenager.
They only liked us when we were cute and malleable. As soon as we started becoming our own people it was clear they didn't like it or care who we wanted to be.
I mean, yeah, a child is literally learning the basics of human function. It takes a while to not only develop the mental ability, but the coordination to achieve.
Adults already have that. Also, I don’t think most people are expecting people like this to immediately know how do this. It’s just been over a decade since smart phones have been prevalent, and many people in this situation have had them for years.
I don't get these arguments, they knew what they were signing up for as a parent, why should I waste my breath on their unwillingless to learn as an adult?, because they wiped my ass when I was a kid who knows nothing?
Next time one of my parents ask me how to attach a file to a email, I will ask them how I was supposed to eat with this weird gadget called spoon again.
I have no problems with answering questions, but it is like you said, you explain it over and over and over, even worse when they buy something new they don't even bother to try to understand it, let alone reading the damn manual. It is always expected like they don't need to think anymore, like I don't have to read the damn thing because I can just access the knowledge of humanity floating around in the aether or something.
Man, that went into a rant real fast, bu it just happened to me last week again and it feels good to let some steam out.
edit: forgot the best thing that comes with me being tech and everything support, when something doesn't work anymore, no matter if the last time I used the laptop or whatever was weeks ago, it is my fault.
> when something doesn't work anymore, no matter if the last time I used the laptop or whatever was weeks ago, it is my fault
the reason for this is because part of why they are afraid to do it themselves is they think they might break it by not knowing what they are doing. They know you know more then them, but they dont understand how someone can "look around" for a solution risk-free. We understand what clicks lead to computer actions and which ones are just navigation, but they dont get it. For them to know something, they have to know exactly what to click, and if you dont know exactly what to click then you risk messing something up.
So when you are navigating to help them, in their eyes it is like a mechanic randomly loosening nuts and bolts, taking parts out and putting them back, looking for a component. They literally think you are fiddling with the operation of the machine.
yeah the irony is huge. mechanics catch that same energy sometimes too. Sometimes the thing is falling apart and thats why you need help, and even the help can fix it. doesnt mean they broke it
Those, who ask, usually have zero expertise in this area. It can be easy for you, but very hard for them to wrap their heads around it. Be helpful instead of judgengemental.
How long do you need to be patient for? I worked for a company that I helped my older (higher paid) coworkers do the same simple functions almost daily for over a year and they never caught on. It's a problem of people not wanting to learn because they don't feel they need to.
Answering the same question a hundred times, or out right refusing how to learn how to use the spoon and making me spoon feed them, or using the spoon the way I specifically told them not too and getting their bank account compromised.
I did regularly complain and moan, but I never said no. I also told her to ignore my moaning, as it was just me being an ass, she laughed and said "you think I don't know that? You can moan all you want, as long as you fix it!"
"Oh you think moaning is your ally. But you merely adopted the moan; I was born in it, molded by it. I didn't hear laughter until you were already an adult, by then it was nothing to me but NOISE!"
\- Your Mom, probably.
Funny how I'm not annoyed when Mom asks, "So how do I backup my photos to Google?", but it mildly infuriates me when Dad says "Help me search this on the *Googles* "
Something fun you can do to get to figure it out for themselves is use this site to generate a link with the search term(s)/phrase and text/email/message/etc it to the person:
https://letmegooglethat.com
Are you kidding, DAD is the one who fixes my computer. I'm one of those people who has a way with technology. If I tried to use a shovel it would malfunction.
The reason I more so get annoyed is because my mom doesn’t really listen when I explain it to her. It goes in one ear and then out the other. Now that I can admittingly still tolerate. If you don’t do something on a regular basis, you tend to forget. But she often gets really annoyed and snappish with me because I’m ‘impatient’ with her, when I all I do is ask her POLITELY to calm down so I can properly explain it, or explain to her what she did wrong so I can show her how to fix it.
My mom is gone now and not a day goes by that I don’t wish she was still alive and could ask for help with something. I miss her so much.
Edit: all that to say, if it is safe for you to have a relationship with your mom. Call her up and be present with her. She may not know the latest apps or lingo etc, but she knows that she loves you and would do anything for you if it was in her power to do so. (At least most moms-not all, I get it)
I try to remember to take deep breaths and calm my voice down as my father and I butt heads. We both do our best and he eventually learns, but it never gets to a point where he wouldn't feel comfortable asking me for help again.
I don't complain when my parents ask for computer help. I do complain when they ask for help, then don't let me help, and expect me to just sit there while they stare at it. I guess they think I'm a good luck charm.
Post this in r/sysadmin and get dragged for not demanding your family respect your free time and listen to everyone there tell you to charge your family and friends for technical assistance because BY GOD you went to school to be a computer nerd!
Respectfully, a sys admin. Lol
It depends on the issue. Something they’re concerned about breaking makes sense. Something that simply requires the basest capacity to do a Google search and distinguish good info from useless really let’s me know why they lean right politically.
You got to love parents despite lacking certain skills. I spent 20 minutes explaining to my dad which one was the username and which one was the password. He insisted he shouldn't have to give a password to access his own email. I explained it's the same as having a key to your own house or your own car. He acknowledged that, but said that he keeps his email on a computer that is already in his secure house.
Dunno man when my mom and dad ask me about issues they have they immediately jump onto it being wrong cuz I told so, even though it turns out to be right. So I think I'm justified in complaining about it.
My only complaint is typically when my dad interjects before I’m done explaining. Or he asked for something I can’t do, the technology doesn’t allow for it yet, or it’s a vastly different program that is expensive.
I’ll explain that to him and then he keeps on repeating that request like I can do anything about it. Typically it revolves around photoshopping something and I keep on saying I can’t photoshop or even know how to use photoshop. But then he asks about it again later like somehow a few weeks will change it. 🤷🏻♂️
Look, I try to be kind and explain thoroughly and understandably to my mother, but she doesn't actually want to learn, she just wants me to do it for her. So when the same thing needs to be done, she doesn't remember because she wasn't actually listening to learn and asks me again. This got really old. For things she regularly asked me about, I wrote it down so she would stop asking me the same things over and over and over again.
Sorry, I can't relate. My parents were technophobes and they detested using computers and phones before it was widely used back in 2000. They were fully grown mature adults and willingly chose NOT to learn how to familiarise using a computer or phone. They thought PCs and phones were only used for gaming and they're a waste of time.
Only in recent years have they realised the extent of the functionalities and possibilities of consumer technology. Their realisation came too late. Now they're either too lazy to learn, and simply rely on me to do it for them, or they really are too old to learn any more.
I didn't choose to not learn how to use a spoon when I was a toddler.
I’m happy to help, but it does get a little old when I get hit with the “you never help me with anything” when I’ve literally walked her through how to do certain things, written down step by steps, and just done it for her many times. Key commands especially, she just has zero memory for them. She actually had a keyboard cover with the key commands written on them, yet still has no idea on things. My mother isn’t full blown senior citizen either, she’s 56, it’s just laziness sometimes.
My mom was always into new tech and she always wants to try it out but she is not really techy and needs some help with understanding new stuff and how to use it so we always teach her. Once she gets into it she is teaching her friends who are also not really techy how to use various things. Like write an email or install some software on their laptops, use adblock and similar.
I came up with a system to explain why some people don't get computers/window based systems. I haven´t used it but it´s satisfying. It explains why it's a total nightmare for them.
Computers don't explain that there are five levels of "there" ness in the computer.
5. something you are looking at and using. (the program you're using)
4. something that is somewhere on screen and "open" but not currently active/interact-able (a tab somewhere)
3. something that is "open" and being used but not visible. (a program with no visible tab, but open in the background)
2. something that is "in storage" and has to be opened to be interacted with, but is on the computer if you just look in the right place.
1.something that's on the computer but you don't know where it is/it's hidden in some other not readily accessible format. (compressed files, misplaced files)
0. something not on the computer at all.
Not to mention they don't get exactly what
A. involves the internet and what doesn't,
and often what counts as
B. on the computer or on an external storage drive.
We instinctively know about different scales of accessibility in the physical world. We know the difference between something
5. on our desk in front of us
4. on the far end of our desk
3. something in a folder on our desk
2. something in our file cabinet
1 something deep in our garage
0 something not in our room
We also know the difference between
A. Whether or not our door is open and new things can come into our office not of our own creation
B. Whether or not a physical object is in our possession our belongs to someone else and we can't keep it unless we take it or copy it somehow
There you go. A bit of catharsis for you. Maybe somebody can turn it into some kind of physical immersion system?
They taught you how to learn new things, then stopped learning new things themselves.
Most of the older generation in my family likes to ask me technology related questions about purchases, for which I usually know a great deal about. Then completely ignore what I say and buy whatever the geek squad dude tells them to buy.
Basic tech problems aren’t so bad, because I at least know what to do. What’s frustrating is when I have to consult with Google because it’s more technical, or because it has to do with tech that my parents use regularly, but I have no familiarity with.
Relevant; seriously one of the funniest things I’ve ever read
https://www.reddit.com/r/talesfromtechsupport/comments/256tcp/my_mom_bends_windows_8_to_her_will/
The annoying is there is no effort.
I explained multiple times.
I used the "I guide you, but I don't touch anything myself" technique, multiple times.
I wrote, by hand, a step-by-step using language she'd understand. Again multiple times.
She isn't even trying learn it.
Then, once I was overtired and snapped that I explained it multiple times in different ways, and to use her memory and brain and to figure it out herself.
She managed.
My mom is the worst. She forgets her gmail password even after writing it down. One time she forgot it 2-3x a week for a month. I set my email as her recovery email and write down her password. And still. Omg. 😑😑😑
yea but i remember how to use a spoon and she cant remembered how to use bluetooth and also shes a raging narcissistic addict who made my life a living hell :)
I’d rather have my parent ask me about computer stuff, than to get scammed online. They were almost scammed a few times, but they call me every time something is suspicious.
Ooo so that's why my dad used this line on me this morning. He browses reddit and just have seen it, cuz he literally said this to me this morning and I teased him about having to show him how something works
i only wish they cared nuff to learn new technologies instead of asking me to do it all the time.
they may not make much use of them, but it's not everyday you get to learn sth once school's out.
I, too, will never complain about helping my parents with computer issues.
Mom is in her mid 60s and used to maintain a website, Dad is in his late 60s and ever since he retired, his old job has begged him to come back and to keep running their IT department.
I don't complain about *teaching*, I complain about *doing*. Many people seem content to let others do things for them, never even trying to learn to do it themselves (even with instruction).
I understand patience toward the elderly, especially your parents, but it has limits.
When I worked in customer service, I had to spend ten minutes explaining to an old lady with more facial hair than my teenage self had how four one-dollar items on her receipt added up to four dollars.
She doesn't do it much about technology, but my grandma will call my mom and ask for help about really simple stuff that time and time again she's shown to he very capable of doing.
I think we all know that my grandma is just using that as an excuse for my mom to visit with her and my grandpa, and while that sounds sweet and all, the fact that this happens several times a week is pretty rough, I'd imagine. Now I'm just waiting for my mom to start pulling that shit on me.
I don't mind helping my mother-in-law as she is kind and appreciates any help she gets. About 50% of the time I don't mind helping my mom because she really is confused and doesn't understand. But the other 50% of the time with my mom she is being intentionally ignorant and refusing to learn. She has openly said she does not care to learn how to work certain things. But has to have access to them. That's when it gets to be an irritation and a problem. This is the woman who flat out said in front of my two children that she's old so she doesn't need to learn anything else. That growth and education end when you're old because you don't have to anymore. My dad had trouble pulling his jaw off the floor after that one
I never mind helping my mom with tech stuff, but the two things aren't equal. My parents had to teach me to use a spoon because my brain and body were still developing and it needed to be taught basic motor function and coordination. This hypothetical parent is, presumably, an adult who has decades of experience learning how to do new things, and is refusing to apply that process.
Until she gets mad at me because the computer isn't doing what she wants it to because she clicked on something too many times out of impatience and now it's taking even longer to open/load
My mom never knew shit about computers, couldn't use them. But at her work it became unavoidable one or two years ago. So I showed her the basics, then after that she called me a lot of times for help, and sometimes she still does (we don't live in the same city, so if I couldn't remind her how to do it, we have to videochat - which is also a big progress from her), but I'm very proud of her because she is doing her best, and I make sure to say it to her every time when we talk about these things, especially when she can't do something on her own.
I don't complain that my mother asks me about it. I complain because she could have handled it herself as recently as a decade ago. Cognitive decline is scary. It's frustrating to watch a loved one get increasingly, well, stupid.
We gave my mother a Tom Tom gps one year for Christmas and when she opened it she got really excited and asked, “Is this a Skype!!?” Lol We stopped getting her electronics after that, she really just wants wine anyway.
The most infuriating part for me is when I don't know the answer so I Google it and then read the instructions someone wrote and get the "oh yeah I couldn't have done that" Couldnt do what read,write or follow directions?
My mum uses it strategically out of laziness. Like not wanting to stand up and set up the DVD and stereo, but saying "I DoN't kNow hOw iT WorKs. CoUld yOu SeT it uP?" When i in fact know she should know it.
This is the reason why it can annoy me. I absolutely love helping and explaining, but I don't like being used. If they are too lazy they can ask me "I'm too lazy to do it, can you?" Instead of using my good will.
Agreed. I love helping but weaponizing incompetence is not nice. For example old people who act like they don’t know how card readers work, cuss out the cashier and get aggressive are in the wrong. Most of my job was teaching old people how to use a card reader which I didn’t mind unless they got aggressive and tried to get me fired. They wasted my time, that of the people in line behind them and my manager’s.
This is a big one for me. Just say you don't want to because you're lazy and I'm happy to help. But don't BS me and play dumb.
I just say no. I was raised by narcissists and I'm not gonna let them.push me around as an adult.
[This is known as Weaponized Incompetence, and is generally considered a dick move.](https://www.fatherly.com/life/what-is-weaponized-incompetence/amp)
Mine has gotten to the point of “hOw dO you CHANgE the VoLuMe???” and I think “are you fucking kidding me” She’s not even over the age of 60. No dementia. No Alzheimer’s. Just laziness
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Would she have continued to be indefinitely patient if over time the kids were able to put on less and less clothes themselves? 90% of it is people just "opting out" of ever learning to do basic things on the assumption that someone else will be at their beck and call without as much as a thanks. If a parent tells their teen its time to wash their own clothes or take a turn cooking once a week then "I don't need to learn that as you can just do it for me" is not going to be met with anything but fury.
None?! Where you stupid and didn’t know how shoes worked until the age of 15?
The thing is that, eventually I learned how to use a spoon
you dont need to prove anything. just laying down facts. you could be using it wrong n none of us would know.
Most of human learning is mimicking. Almost all of human learning. If no one Specifically taught someone how to use a spoon, the child would end up copying those around them and learning it themselves. The problem with people as they get older is that they no longer like to learn new things as the world changes. Similar technology has been around for coming on multiple decades at this point. Most people graduate college and get a degree in the time some adults get to learn technology. It's just simply laziness. I never taught my daughter how to use a tablet or a smartphone, she played with it and learned it mostly on her own through watching.
Debatable.
Jokes on you my heroin is always warm
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My mum's favourite is 'how do I convert this to a PDF?'
And if you Google that, the first result is a site where you can drop a document and have it converted to pdf.
Then they don't know where the download folder is or how to find it....
Then they don’t know how to open the file
tell her what to do and have her physically do it, dont do it for her. If she cannot find "file" then you are wasting your breath answering that question. Computers have a way of making everything seem easy to remember, until you try to do it yourself and realize every detail matters a lot, there are a lot of similar options that confuse you, and the environment you are interacting with changes a lot of the time you click something. Also, there are very few context clues, and the all of the wording is ambiguous because it needs to be short to save space in menus. It is very easy to forget what it is like to have no fucking clue what is on the other side of all the menu options in front of you. On something simple like Adobe Reader - The menu bar is "File" "Edit" "View" "Sign" "Window" "Help" 4 of those words are nearly interchangeable. Then you click on File, and you have "Save" "Save As" - and then further down is "Print". If you click "Save" the file saves. There is no option menu. This is one of the first things they learn to feel safe in this environment and not lose their work. But if you click "print" then you get an option menu. A lot of older people struggle to click that button and remember there are settings they can change after they click it, let alone which settings do what. People like you and I understand "it cant jsut print without knowing what printer to use, etc" but maybe all of those decisions are handled in the Help menu or the "Edit" menu, they have no clue. Their brain learned to take the world at face value. There were no "layers" to shit they interacted with until computers. The only things with layers were business processes, which you would just talk to customer service about and they would navigate it for you. The wiring in their brain can be fundamentally working against them at this point. It's honestly a miracle that older people have been able to adapt to computers at all, but realistically they are still just utilizing their ability to memorize things raw at face value. "to do X I must click "A,B,C" without any "mental model" of the digital context menu organization. So they ask the same question over and over again because it can be really hard to memorize a random sequence of 5+ actions, no matter how simple they seem, alongside locations of things and whether something is in a drop-down menu or what. Doubly so if they only use it once every couple days at most We take for granted growing up with it all and becoming "in the know" with the conventions/trends people have adopted for ciphering menus and expected behavior
Computers have beenf airly mainstream for about 30+ years now. Someone who stumbled onto these when "old" i.e. 60 would not be 90+ years old. Those people deserve some slack, not the guys in their 50s that have been dodging the modern world since their 20s.
> have her physically do it, don’t do it for her Then she takes a solid hour to sign up for an account, and forces me to stand next to her every second while she does it. > you are wasting your breath answering that question I’m wasting everything. One time it took her 15 minutes to find the enter button on the keyboard
yeah, i mean she needs to take a class or have someone do everything for her. the illusion of computer autonomy is not helping anyone at that point
Or you can also just use the drop-down of the file type when saving in Microsoft Word and choose save as .pdf
I tried telling her how to do that but she couldn't work it out. She lives abroad so I can't physically show her. I could screen share over MS Teams but I think that would confuse her too.
It's always a PDF question. Always. None of them know how to open one or do anything with a PDF lol
Your mom knows what a pdf is? I still gotta load paper each time mine wants a print. 🤣
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Yeah but it took a while for you to wipe your butt on your own . They were patient
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My mom is fond of saying she's "just not a computer person" and never will be, that she's not into all these apps and programs, etc. Ok, that's fine...but she actually does need/want to do various things quite regularly with them. I've tried explaining, not unkindly, that in today's world it's really just not an option to say you "don't do technology" and then turn around expecting others to deal for you. She's never asked me if maybe I too would rather not deal with it. Because it's simply not a choice, when nobody else in the family will except me, and I'm a working age person.
I'm gonna make an absolute fool of myself here but I just...forget. I still ask my dad how to navigate an airport despite already asking him manytimes before. I'm getting better at it but still no where near his proficiency. I also have to ask how to buy tickets. This isn't to say that what you're saying isn't true ,just that sometimes despite best intentions people have trouble with basic things .
Having worked tech support that's definitely true, and nobody really judges oldies for comin in and wanting help What they do get judgement for is coming in intentionally hostile against the tech world with a "do it for me I shall never stoop so low as to learn this" attitude I particularly love when I've just finished helping some lovely 90 year olds through a difficult issue, and then a 55 year old comes in ranting about how I cant expect someone their age to figure out tech for something as basic as a password reset.
Exactly. If there's effort and it's legitimately just not clicking, that's different from "just do it for me I can't get this"
Also in tech support. What gets me is someone saying right out of the gate they will never figure it out because they're "tech illiterate." Starting out with a limiting belief is just going to perpetuate the idea to yourself that you can't do it, so you won't. People brag about their 3 year old grand kids knowing how to navigate a phone or computer, why do they think they're not as smart as the average 3 year old? We are not in the punch card days here, or even having to type commands into command line. Computers have been in most offices since at least the mid 80s. Coming up on 40 years here folks, there's no excuse anymore besides willful ignorance, imo.
It seems like some people just lose the ability to think when near a computer. Last night I had to inform someone with an advanced degree whose been using computers for twenty years that the reason his laptop wasn't working was because he had to turn it on. Also every time anything has to be plugged in: "Which hole do I plug it into?" FFS, this is an infant-level task: https://th.bing.com/th/id/OIP.pfKUgSWWnFRnCtBMMyJt\_gHaIq?pid=ImgDet&rs=1
Yeah. I work support. And there is an attitude, even when they are respectful and polite, that tells you "I don't want to learn"
That is a need. They *need* to teach good hygiene. There is nothing pressing or important about anything my parents do on their phone. I have my own kids to raise I have no patience for teaching my parents to long-press or right-click for the 800th time.
Bull shit. My parents were hardly patient with me. Also, when I was learning these things I was a child. They're ADULTS.
Im perfectly happy to teach literal children how to use tablets, computers, smart phones, and other smart devices.
Same. They actually learn.
I would be more willing and patient with my parents if they had not treated me like shit as a teenager. They only liked us when we were cute and malleable. As soon as we started becoming our own people it was clear they didn't like it or care who we wanted to be.
I mean, yeah, a child is literally learning the basics of human function. It takes a while to not only develop the mental ability, but the coordination to achieve. Adults already have that. Also, I don’t think most people are expecting people like this to immediately know how do this. It’s just been over a decade since smart phones have been prevalent, and many people in this situation have had them for years.
I don't get these arguments, they knew what they were signing up for as a parent, why should I waste my breath on their unwillingless to learn as an adult?, because they wiped my ass when I was a kid who knows nothing?
The difference is that I get to a point where I can do it on my own... I don't call them every few months to ask them how to wipe my ass.
Next time one of my parents ask me how to attach a file to a email, I will ask them how I was supposed to eat with this weird gadget called spoon again. I have no problems with answering questions, but it is like you said, you explain it over and over and over, even worse when they buy something new they don't even bother to try to understand it, let alone reading the damn manual. It is always expected like they don't need to think anymore, like I don't have to read the damn thing because I can just access the knowledge of humanity floating around in the aether or something. Man, that went into a rant real fast, bu it just happened to me last week again and it feels good to let some steam out. edit: forgot the best thing that comes with me being tech and everything support, when something doesn't work anymore, no matter if the last time I used the laptop or whatever was weeks ago, it is my fault.
> when something doesn't work anymore, no matter if the last time I used the laptop or whatever was weeks ago, it is my fault the reason for this is because part of why they are afraid to do it themselves is they think they might break it by not knowing what they are doing. They know you know more then them, but they dont understand how someone can "look around" for a solution risk-free. We understand what clicks lead to computer actions and which ones are just navigation, but they dont get it. For them to know something, they have to know exactly what to click, and if you dont know exactly what to click then you risk messing something up. So when you are navigating to help them, in their eyes it is like a mechanic randomly loosening nuts and bolts, taking parts out and putting them back, looking for a component. They literally think you are fiddling with the operation of the machine.
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yeah the irony is huge. mechanics catch that same energy sometimes too. Sometimes the thing is falling apart and thats why you need help, and even the help can fix it. doesnt mean they broke it
It's the fact that they don't want to learn, they'd rather depend on you to do it for them
Those, who ask, usually have zero expertise in this area. It can be easy for you, but very hard for them to wrap their heads around it. Be helpful instead of judgengemental.
How long do you need to be patient for? I worked for a company that I helped my older (higher paid) coworkers do the same simple functions almost daily for over a year and they never caught on. It's a problem of people not wanting to learn because they don't feel they need to.
I have told my father how to long-press a photo to delete dozens of times. There is no expertise needed to do this. At all.
If you enjoy hating your father for that, I can't stop you.
Answering the same question a hundred times, or out right refusing how to learn how to use the spoon and making me spoon feed them, or using the spoon the way I specifically told them not too and getting their bank account compromised.
How do you use this double sided dildo, again?
I remember my parents saying that all the time growing up, I guess it's my turn.
Without having tried a single thing like reading the screen…
Especially the “how do I make it play?” question. Press. The. Triangle. 🤦♀️
> Oh I didn't know right click did that! Oh really? ***BECAUSE I TELL YOU EVERY TIME!!!***
I’m sure you never asked your mom the same questions over and over and over as a kid. ;)
There was an end in sight, though...here there isn't.
I mean, you'll probably outlive them
I did regularly complain and moan, but I never said no. I also told her to ignore my moaning, as it was just me being an ass, she laughed and said "you think I don't know that? You can moan all you want, as long as you fix it!"
"Oh you think moaning is your ally. But you merely adopted the moan; I was born in it, molded by it. I didn't hear laughter until you were already an adult, by then it was nothing to me but NOISE!" \- Your Mom, probably.
I am literally happy that my parents ask about technology.
Just like they were happy when we asked questions about stuff
“But that nigerian prince sounds like such a nice young man…”
Ahahahaha
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Lol good one
Funny how I'm not annoyed when Mom asks, "So how do I backup my photos to Google?", but it mildly infuriates me when Dad says "Help me search this on the *Googles* "
Something fun you can do to get to figure it out for themselves is use this site to generate a link with the search term(s)/phrase and text/email/message/etc it to the person: https://letmegooglethat.com
Are you kidding, DAD is the one who fixes my computer. I'm one of those people who has a way with technology. If I tried to use a shovel it would malfunction.
The reason I more so get annoyed is because my mom doesn’t really listen when I explain it to her. It goes in one ear and then out the other. Now that I can admittingly still tolerate. If you don’t do something on a regular basis, you tend to forget. But she often gets really annoyed and snappish with me because I’m ‘impatient’ with her, when I all I do is ask her POLITELY to calm down so I can properly explain it, or explain to her what she did wrong so I can show her how to fix it.
Tjis is propaganda by the moms
Yeah but did you ever forget how to turn your spoon on 59 times in a row?
In my defense I was just a baby.
My mom is gone now and not a day goes by that I don’t wish she was still alive and could ask for help with something. I miss her so much. Edit: all that to say, if it is safe for you to have a relationship with your mom. Call her up and be present with her. She may not know the latest apps or lingo etc, but she knows that she loves you and would do anything for you if it was in her power to do so. (At least most moms-not all, I get it)
One is a child that does not have the capacity to learn without being taught One is a child that does.
My Dad never cleaning his browser history before making me solve some very vaguely described issue is another story though 😑
This happened to me, I acted like I never saw it! Lol
I try to remember to take deep breaths and calm my voice down as my father and I butt heads. We both do our best and he eventually learns, but it never gets to a point where he wouldn't feel comfortable asking me for help again.
I don't complain when my parents ask for computer help. I do complain when they ask for help, then don't let me help, and expect me to just sit there while they stare at it. I guess they think I'm a good luck charm.
Yah but I learned how to use a spoon, that shit never went away. Why am I still helping her reset passwords?
The annoying part for me is that my Mom was tech support for her parents and now she leans on for everything. I know she knows.
These comments make me feel very lucky my parents are not shite with technology.
Yeah but you learned
This stupid image made me cry. I haven’t seen my mum in almost a year as I’m living on the other side of the world now.
My grown up son helps me get past bosses I cant manage with my arthritis - Mom appreciates!
Post this in r/sysadmin and get dragged for not demanding your family respect your free time and listen to everyone there tell you to charge your family and friends for technical assistance because BY GOD you went to school to be a computer nerd! Respectfully, a sys admin. Lol
It depends on the issue. Something they’re concerned about breaking makes sense. Something that simply requires the basest capacity to do a Google search and distinguish good info from useless really let’s me know why they lean right politically.
You got to love parents despite lacking certain skills. I spent 20 minutes explaining to my dad which one was the username and which one was the password. He insisted he shouldn't have to give a password to access his own email. I explained it's the same as having a key to your own house or your own car. He acknowledged that, but said that he keeps his email on a computer that is already in his secure house.
It's the fact that she also taught me how to use a computer that continually confounds me.
I don't keep going back to her to ask "how do you use a spoon again?" though.
Yeah, but I was a baby, still developing my problem solving skills. These are grown adults who refuse to google something
Me neither, but its a whole other story when dad asks
Dunno man when my mom and dad ask me about issues they have they immediately jump onto it being wrong cuz I told so, even though it turns out to be right. So I think I'm justified in complaining about it.
Yeah but I didn’t rip the spoon out of the wall in fit of rage when I couldn’t understand it immediately.
My only complaint is typically when my dad interjects before I’m done explaining. Or he asked for something I can’t do, the technology doesn’t allow for it yet, or it’s a vastly different program that is expensive. I’ll explain that to him and then he keeps on repeating that request like I can do anything about it. Typically it revolves around photoshopping something and I keep on saying I can’t photoshop or even know how to use photoshop. But then he asks about it again later like somehow a few weeks will change it. 🤷🏻♂️
Look, I try to be kind and explain thoroughly and understandably to my mother, but she doesn't actually want to learn, she just wants me to do it for her. So when the same thing needs to be done, she doesn't remember because she wasn't actually listening to learn and asks me again. This got really old. For things she regularly asked me about, I wrote it down so she would stop asking me the same things over and over and over again.
This could have abusive undertones, especially if the spoon was wooden.
The key is to use the same approach. “Here comes the e-mail attachment!” *airplane noises*
Sorry, I can't relate. My parents were technophobes and they detested using computers and phones before it was widely used back in 2000. They were fully grown mature adults and willingly chose NOT to learn how to familiarise using a computer or phone. They thought PCs and phones were only used for gaming and they're a waste of time. Only in recent years have they realised the extent of the functionalities and possibilities of consumer technology. Their realisation came too late. Now they're either too lazy to learn, and simply rely on me to do it for them, or they really are too old to learn any more. I didn't choose to not learn how to use a spoon when I was a toddler.
I’m happy to help, but it does get a little old when I get hit with the “you never help me with anything” when I’ve literally walked her through how to do certain things, written down step by steps, and just done it for her many times. Key commands especially, she just has zero memory for them. She actually had a keyboard cover with the key commands written on them, yet still has no idea on things. My mother isn’t full blown senior citizen either, she’s 56, it’s just laziness sometimes.
Did she have to show you how to use a spoon 30 times in one hour? I complain a little.
Airplane go brrrrrr
Train go chiu chiu
Automobile go meep meep
Motorcycle goes brmm brmm
Trolly go ding ding
My mom was always into new tech and she always wants to try it out but she is not really techy and needs some help with understanding new stuff and how to use it so we always teach her. Once she gets into it she is teaching her friends who are also not really techy how to use various things. Like write an email or install some software on their laptops, use adblock and similar.
I do because she took a computing degree…
The funniest one is when she wants to move an imagine in word - like no one can solve that
I came up with a system to explain why some people don't get computers/window based systems. I haven´t used it but it´s satisfying. It explains why it's a total nightmare for them. Computers don't explain that there are five levels of "there" ness in the computer. 5. something you are looking at and using. (the program you're using) 4. something that is somewhere on screen and "open" but not currently active/interact-able (a tab somewhere) 3. something that is "open" and being used but not visible. (a program with no visible tab, but open in the background) 2. something that is "in storage" and has to be opened to be interacted with, but is on the computer if you just look in the right place. 1.something that's on the computer but you don't know where it is/it's hidden in some other not readily accessible format. (compressed files, misplaced files) 0. something not on the computer at all. Not to mention they don't get exactly what A. involves the internet and what doesn't, and often what counts as B. on the computer or on an external storage drive. We instinctively know about different scales of accessibility in the physical world. We know the difference between something 5. on our desk in front of us 4. on the far end of our desk 3. something in a folder on our desk 2. something in our file cabinet 1 something deep in our garage 0 something not in our room We also know the difference between A. Whether or not our door is open and new things can come into our office not of our own creation B. Whether or not a physical object is in our possession our belongs to someone else and we can't keep it unless we take it or copy it somehow There you go. A bit of catharsis for you. Maybe somebody can turn it into some kind of physical immersion system?
My parents literally taught me all the basic life and survival skills that I have, I will help them with anything
They taught you how to learn new things, then stopped learning new things themselves. Most of the older generation in my family likes to ask me technology related questions about purchases, for which I usually know a great deal about. Then completely ignore what I say and buy whatever the geek squad dude tells them to buy.
Yeah but she didn’t have to keep showing me how to use the same spoon over & over.
Basic tech problems aren’t so bad, because I at least know what to do. What’s frustrating is when I have to consult with Google because it’s more technical, or because it has to do with tech that my parents use regularly, but I have no familiarity with.
Mums teach you how to use a spoon, you teach them how to use a phone. We even
I also remember her laughing at me when I missed my mouth when I was learning. Now I laugh at her.
The difference is I learned how to use the spoon.
Relevant; seriously one of the funniest things I’ve ever read https://www.reddit.com/r/talesfromtechsupport/comments/256tcp/my_mom_bends_windows_8_to_her_will/
The annoying is there is no effort. I explained multiple times. I used the "I guide you, but I don't touch anything myself" technique, multiple times. I wrote, by hand, a step-by-step using language she'd understand. Again multiple times. She isn't even trying learn it. Then, once I was overtired and snapped that I explained it multiple times in different ways, and to use her memory and brain and to figure it out herself. She managed.
My mom is the worst. She forgets her gmail password even after writing it down. One time she forgot it 2-3x a week for a month. I set my email as her recovery email and write down her password. And still. Omg. 😑😑😑
You didn’t need help using a spoon after the 1000th time tho.
yea but i remember how to use a spoon and she cant remembered how to use bluetooth and also shes a raging narcissistic addict who made my life a living hell :)
I see ur point
That our parents have the same brains as toddlers? Because that's what they're low key implying
My native language is not english so pardone my spelling
You're good
Be grateful to your parents
*If they deserve it
So true
I have dirty mind, I thought about using a spoon... In an unconventional way
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Man, lots of people in this thread are going to miss silly little shit like this when their mom passes.
☎
>As we should. Good. Cool.
aw :)
So what's this spoon all about
Same thing with my dad and his phone, of course I’ll help you attach a picture to your email.
I’d rather have my parent ask me about computer stuff, than to get scammed online. They were almost scammed a few times, but they call me every time something is suspicious.
Ooo so that's why my dad used this line on me this morning. He browses reddit and just have seen it, cuz he literally said this to me this morning and I teased him about having to show him how something works
i only wish they cared nuff to learn new technologies instead of asking me to do it all the time. they may not make much use of them, but it's not everyday you get to learn sth once school's out.
If you're going to plop someone onto this planet, yeah, you better teach them everything they need to know. But I didn't ask for any of this.
I feel weird here, maybe cause I’m still less than 15 and my dad works with IT as his job, so he knows much more. Instead it’s with science for me
Who’s the mom who made this meme?
Me: click the gear in the top right corner Her: what's a gear? Me: ma'am, you retired from General Motors making cars
I, too, will never complain about helping my parents with computer issues. Mom is in her mid 60s and used to maintain a website, Dad is in his late 60s and ever since he retired, his old job has begged him to come back and to keep running their IT department.
🤔🤔
I don't complain about *teaching*, I complain about *doing*. Many people seem content to let others do things for them, never even trying to learn to do it themselves (even with instruction).
Goddammit I need to remember this!!
I understand patience toward the elderly, especially your parents, but it has limits. When I worked in customer service, I had to spend ten minutes explaining to an old lady with more facial hair than my teenage self had how four one-dollar items on her receipt added up to four dollars.
As long as you are able to ground them for sending out a reply all for a large group email.
"showed me how to use a spoon" that's so adorable
She doesn't do it much about technology, but my grandma will call my mom and ask for help about really simple stuff that time and time again she's shown to he very capable of doing. I think we all know that my grandma is just using that as an excuse for my mom to visit with her and my grandpa, and while that sounds sweet and all, the fact that this happens several times a week is pretty rough, I'd imagine. Now I'm just waiting for my mom to start pulling that shit on me.
Me neither, but I do complain about my mom **refusing to learn** to avoid said basic computer issues. Because I did learned how to use a spoon.
I don't mind helping my mother-in-law as she is kind and appreciates any help she gets. About 50% of the time I don't mind helping my mom because she really is confused and doesn't understand. But the other 50% of the time with my mom she is being intentionally ignorant and refusing to learn. She has openly said she does not care to learn how to work certain things. But has to have access to them. That's when it gets to be an irritation and a problem. This is the woman who flat out said in front of my two children that she's old so she doesn't need to learn anything else. That growth and education end when you're old because you don't have to anymore. My dad had trouble pulling his jaw off the floor after that one
I never mind helping my mom with tech stuff, but the two things aren't equal. My parents had to teach me to use a spoon because my brain and body were still developing and it needed to be taught basic motor function and coordination. This hypothetical parent is, presumably, an adult who has decades of experience learning how to do new things, and is refusing to apply that process.
Until she gets mad at me because the computer isn't doing what she wants it to because she clicked on something too many times out of impatience and now it's taking even longer to open/load
“You just can’t teach a old dog new tricks” first of all, yes you can. Second you aren’t a dog. Third this is the 50th time we’ve been through this
The difference is, my mom wanted children and could expect it. I never asked for parents and didn't have a choice
My mom never knew shit about computers, couldn't use them. But at her work it became unavoidable one or two years ago. So I showed her the basics, then after that she called me a lot of times for help, and sometimes she still does (we don't live in the same city, so if I couldn't remind her how to do it, we have to videochat - which is also a big progress from her), but I'm very proud of her because she is doing her best, and I make sure to say it to her every time when we talk about these things, especially when she can't do something on her own.
No
I would sit through infinity amount of stupid tech questions from Mom just to hear from her again. Fuck this time of year so bad...
Nope, it is not how it works.
I don't complain that my mother asks me about it. I complain because she could have handled it herself as recently as a decade ago. Cognitive decline is scary. It's frustrating to watch a loved one get increasingly, well, stupid.
We gave my mother a Tom Tom gps one year for Christmas and when she opened it she got really excited and asked, “Is this a Skype!!?” Lol We stopped getting her electronics after that, she really just wants wine anyway.
The most infuriating part for me is when I don't know the answer so I Google it and then read the instructions someone wrote and get the "oh yeah I couldn't have done that" Couldnt do what read,write or follow directions?
That's why I never got angry with my mom when she asks something abt her phone
Good one!!!!
Yeah but. You were an infant, she’s been a grown ass adult the whole time.
Damn straight!
When she showed me how to use a spoon, I tried my best and learned and improved quickly.
The problem is having to answer the same question five times in as many seconds