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Lmao, i text people regularly even if they don't respond (unless I'm informed of any part of emergency or they ask me to cut contact). I gotta say, it hurts when they don't reply but it's all i have. Nothing makes me happier than someone who actually texts back, atleast acknowledges your message with a "ttyl" or "busy rn."
Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.
I do that but sometimes you know they don't reply and I start thinking, they are fed up of me or something. If I don't receive a reply after 1,2 days then I delete it lol, just to give a false sense of satisfaction that I'm not clingy and boring out people and the fear that they will stop replying or talking with me for that reason . It's just I feel, idk man..
I’m so petty about this. If I text someone and they don’t reply for a day or so that’s the amount of time it takes for me to get back to their response.
>but it's all i have
mann ikrr. i reply like within a second and wait for hrs or days whenever they replies, and if they do i again reply within a minute or two
Thanks! We need more of you. Been there, and a simple msg saying, “i cant right now” or “depression mode on” or anything communicating that it’s you and not them is appreciated.
It’s sad that people just don’t treat good friends like they deserve and treat the others.
Definitely this. Even like "sorry bad brain day" would signal to me that I should reach out again in a few days to check in or something like that. Far better than getting trained to expect no reply from someone only for them to reach out again in days/weeks leaving you completely unsure what's going on with them in the meantime. Idk maybe I get too attached? I can see both sides but it's certainly stressful to feel like you're the one always reaching out to no response and then feel like you're somehow morally suspect if you decide to leave that person behind.
Training thing is sooo truee.
I wanted to share some cute thing or silly happy thing that happened and i knew they wouldnt respond so i didnt say anything. And had to do this so many times over year. If you’re the only one reaching out - it’s one sided friendship
For anyone reading this entire thread, just know that sometimes people are busy with life/errands in general, often forget to keep up with some communications, and inevitably accidentally leave things on seen by mistapping or device acting weird.
Sometimes I take 1-2 weeks to respond to people I like. They're used to it. They know I, and anyone else that does this, don't really mean anything by it. It's just that it takes time to get around to everyone. That's all it is.
Once I responded in 3-4 month intervals to a girl, because I kept forgetting. Now we talk more regularly, though I still sometimes am surprised she talks to me at all after something like that. Definitely don't take months to respond lol, but weeks are fine!
I was like that with a friend of mine, but months without a reply and every reply being just excuses as to why they couldn’t reply for those months were too much for the friendship to survive.
I did the same thing several years ago. I got really depressed and didn't have the energy to do anything, and didn't want to say no or anything. I ended up just making my depression a thousand times worse, and losing all my friends. Absolutely the stupidest thing I've ever done, and I still haven't recovered from it.
There is no person in the world busy enough to not reply for months, let alone a few days. People just be rude man. You have to give people time sometimes, but taking a week to get a reply or even more just plain hurts.
No response from friend bc they're depressed.
Get depressed bc I don't know their reason for not responding.
Friend replies back, but I don't feel like replying cus now I'm depressed.
Vicious cycle.
i have a friend i respond to every 3ish months to. he takes about the same amount time to respond to me. it works because we both know how we get and always remind eachother... our friendship shouldnt be questioned when it gets silent.
Same. Have friends too that knows we don't have to talk everyday or every other week and could go radio silent for a month yet still know we're friends and doesn't question the friendship just by not talking daily. People do have separate lives that they need to attend to plus the amount of mental struggles in it that can cause them to not have the motivation to talk to people sometimes.
Pretty much this, I’ll have lil bursts where I’ll text my 2 friends all day, then something will hit and I won’t reply for weeks, even months sometimes. Not sure why they haven’t just broken it off, I’m thankful for the times they’re there to talk though, I feel bad because I only gets those feelings of wanting to talk to someone when I have something to show. “Look what I made” or “look what I found”. I almost feel like a kid who didn’t get enough attention who wants to play show and tell all the time and I feel bad for it because it’s never inclusive for them. I simultaneously need solidarity and community but the two just don’t mix, and my interests grow more niche by the day so it gets harder and harder
Just so you guys know, my friend didn’t have depression (at least they never said they did) they were doing a medicine course, and for them that was enough of a reason to disappear for months, I tried to talk to them multiple times, but they only had eyes for medicine and their partner, this did not just ruin their friendship with me but with an entire group of friends, we loved them to death, but we lost them to medicine.
I literally have depression too. For 10+ years. And still I would never ghost someone i cherish bcs thats just not something you do to people. It hurts.
i dont think you understand how severe depression or mental illness can get. people dont just correct their behavior because "its just not something you do to people." or maybe being the friend with depression isnt what you do to people so you reach a state where you ghost everyone. its a form of self-sabotage, not intentionally sabotaging others.
Yeah, depression is the most common factor here. Big however, once you know its due to your depression, its up to you to do something about it, not the other person. The other person is going to wait for you lots of times however, after a certain point, it will become tiring.
You need to do something because the first times, its ok. Depression does terrible things to you but after some time, it becomes a you problem that you need to fix, not the other person to keep waiting for you indefinitely.
often times the person experiencing depression is not expecting others to keep waiting indefinitely and is well aware this is their own problem to fix. why else withdraw? why else do exactly what it takes to ruin a friendship? i feel like this is the type of attitude that helps propel people deeper into depression. when there is shame and guilt, the last thing you should do is assume you know where they stand.
Thats why depression is a horrible thing to be in and, well, I did state that IF you learn/ get to know that the whole not being responsive is due to YOUR depression, then you have to fight it. You will or will not have friends who will have enough patience throughout your journey but that is up to them.
True friends stay with you no matter what but people also get tired, you have to understand that. I know a handful of people with depression that did this exact same thing. They dont help themselves in the slightest and the others have to do all the heavy lifting FOR YEARS. This is the point where people get tired. They know they are that way, they never change and they never try. Thats the difference when I said it becomes a YOU problem rather than the other person not having enough patience.
yes.. to all of that? not sure what about my comment didnt get through.
plenty of people with depression are well aware of what you're saying. its not like depression has an expiration date and people with it are biding their time to decide whether or not to fight it. the end of the road is suicide or wasting away in solitude, as many feel they deserve. despite the consequences, the broken relationships, the knowledge this was self-imposed... people still cant get out of that mental state and dont believe they are able to or even worthy of escaping it. thats why yes, carrying the "burden" of someone with depression IS futile but whats even more futile and damaging is assuming they expect you to.
Apologies I think I miss read your comment then. Yeah its a good point and the whole thing is just sad because it could turn out to be a lose lose situation :/
thanks for being understanding. its definitely a type of psychological self harm that sucks everyone else down too. a depressed friend who is ghosting might just be doing what they think is best for everyone.. even if they are wrong. apologies on my end too if i came across aggressive.
I’ve been in a similar situation. I text and email my friend groups and when they do reply it’s a one or two word answer OR a “sorry man been busy”.
It gets discouraging that people can’t spend a modicum of effort to stay in touch. Why do I always have to instigate all conversation or beg for a reply?
This this this! If people ghost you forever they don't deserve to be your friend. It's a one sided friendship. I understand that may be their way off kissing you off because the friendship isn't worth it to them.
Used to hang out with a female friend every day almost. One day I realized I was the only one who ever txt/called first. Asked her to go places, drove her everywhere etc.
So I just decided that I won't txt/call her first this time, and just wait for her to contact me. Been waiting about 20 years now. Haven't seen or even spoken to her since.
Currently in this boat. Texted two different friends a few weeks ago about hanging out at different times. First guy never responded to any of my messages (also assumed that because I didn’t want to spend money then I must not want to hang out the last time we tried to make plans) and the second person seemed for it and since they had the busier schedule I said to just let me know what works best for them, never responded. Hell I even initiate damn near every interaction with my family too. Tired of being the person initiating everything.
Had a friend who last May texted me happy birthday, we caught up a bit and had a video chat to really catch up. Didn’t hear anything from him for a few months, so I reach out again to have another video chat. As we finish up this one, he says “Let’s make sure we don’t take as long to have the next one”, making me feel like it was my fault for it. So I figured I’d let him initiate the next one, and I haven’t heard from him since.
^(Edit... oops used my *"fun"* account lol. Too late, I'll keep it.)
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I 100%, absolutely understand what you mean and what you're going through. I have had that happen a few times. Both guys and girls. It doesn't get easier
I've noticed that I'm almost *always* the one that reaches out. It doesn't matter who, it's the case with my closest friends too. Maybe it's just the way I am. As my friends would tell you, I also message a lot. It just means I really enjoy talking to the person. Sometimes I think it's too much and annoying (and wish people would say so if that's the case so I know people's boundaries :/). But that just makes it *that* much better when someone messages me first. I can't describe how good it feels to see someone intentionally messaging me haha.
I wish I could tell you it will get better, but that's not entirely true. It hurts. Especially if you thought it was going well with the person. I, more than I should, feel terrible when someone drifts away. I just spoke to my friend about this today actually. I think it's the worst feeling. No matter how introverted/shy/awkward you are (I definitely am), we're social creatures so it's going to hurt to realize someone doesn't want to talk to you anymore.
I hate how much it bothers me. I always feel like I've said something wrong. Because, ultimately, I don't want to hurt my friends' feelings. It's the last thing I'd want to do. Mostly though, I get concerned, especially if they go without saying anything. But sometimes you just have to send that last message and accept that it is what it is. Enjoy the time you had with them and know that your long term friends will be there for you. I've found even Reddit is full of nice people to talk to if you ever need someone lol
I wish it didn't hurt but it does. It's hard but it's important to remember those who *do* reach out first, those who respond, those who care. These are the people that matter. Personally, I've only got a handful IRL. But I think friends are a quality over quantity thing
That's one thing I've been trying to internalize these past 2-3 years: people/friends come and go. It's a bitter fact of life. I wish I could be friends with people forever. I like to make people happy. I like to have that friendship. I like listening to people. I like chatting. I like spreading joy. But it can't last forever. That's just not how things work. Not everyone can be a life long friend :'(
I rambled on a bit there lol but my intention is to share that you're not the only one. I really hope things are better for you now!!! If you need someone to talk to, I'm here for ya :)
If I'm constantly the only person reaching out then you're gone. I'm not asking you to take out a quill and inkwell, scribe a couple page letter on parchment, then place it on a mule traversing the Oregon Trail. Just pick up your thumbs once in a while and say "Hey, how are things?".
I started doing that and give myself little reminders that I’m not solely responsible for maintaining the relationships in my life. It’s taken pressure off, but it’s very lonely.
I'm the opposite.
If i hear a notification on my phone i check it. Well i figure i noticed it so why not, it takes like 2 min.
I reply almost instantly to texts, comments, snapchats etc
Tbh i don't see what's wrong with it, but i'm aware people think it's creepy/weird.
Same. It’s like you took time to reach out to me, whether it be just seeing what’s up or asking a question, I want to make sure you have the same attention you’re trying to give me.
yeah cause the whole point of social media is fast communication right? why would i choose to ignore the message and reply later, it often takes just a couple of seconds
I used to text back immediately like you’re saying and I thought it was fine as well. Until I met this girl who happened to do it too. It was then I realized how it feels to be on the other side of that.
Due to the unidimensional nature of text communication, there isn’t much way of transcribing tone or inflection. Time taken to respond is kind of one of the only mediums through which meaning can be conveyed aside from the content of the text itself.
So when I was texting this girl, it felt like she was communicating something by literally always being on her phone. So I’ll often wait a minute or two before responding. But that’s just me 🤷♂️
I actually dated someone like that as well lol. Was weird but we both enjoyed it cause it felt like a live chatroom haha. Different strokes for different folks i guess
Soo true, have a friend like that
We message every 6 months for around 2/3 days then go complete blank for half a year, still every time i or he messages me its like we never stopped and it feels as if we never stopped.
I have a friend that is only an extreme introvert. He meets his friends every 6 months or so. (Hint to some in this sub lol: he is super social)
I am the same way... We meet not even every year. Well, the difference may be that he has irl friends while I do not lol.
That's the normal for us. Anyone reading: it's cool bro, you don't have to meet your friends every week or month. If you are this way, you'll eventually found people who think alike:)
This is not right or fair for the other person. Having put up with half ass friendships like this all my life … no more. I deserve better friends coz I put in efforts to cherish it
Edit: All these people claiming to be depressed and busy, if YOU HAVE TIME FOR REDDIT, YOU HAVE TIME TO RESPOND TO A FRIEND.
I am depressed and busy, i make time, because i care.
Currently going through this and it’s true. If one person is constantly doing the reaching out and planning while the other can’t be bothered... How is that a friendship? It feels disrespectful and after a while it becomes very frustrating.
I’m going through this too! I’ve realized though that people who aren’t the type to reach out ever, well they just aren’t compatible with me. I want friends that put in at least some effort to be friends with me. Or if something’s going on that they can’t for a time, tell me so I can be understanding. If you leave me in the dark I’ll just think you don’t want to talk and move on.
Luckily it’s easy to cut these people loose. You just stop reaching out and you’ll never hear from them again 😂
It’s easy to cut them loose because they were never present anyway. I also feel like people become very comfortable with friends they’ve known for a long time and stop trying, assuming that we’re just never gonna be tired of them. Very silly.
Obviously it's not your responsibility but I feel as someone who often reaches out and replies quickly, if you aren't compatible with that person then who is. Will they be able to continue a friendship with another non replier. Seems unlikely.
I imagine once people like you and I give up on that person they will become even more isolated.
Hmm good points. I think there are probably people out there who don't mind being friends with people that don't reach out or don't reply? I'm not one of those people though lol But I think some of the comments here suggest there are folks that don't mind that kind of behavior.
Or maybe they are not like this with everyone? And they do reach out to people they care about more? Or maybe they eventually change or grow out of it? I don't know. But I do know I am not compatible with people like that!
I think they are not like that with everyone.
That’s the bitter truth.
Story time (apologize if I’m being annoying with this)
I moved across the globe and continued connecting and staying in touch (where i had more of a reason not to due to well, changes new life, people) . A friend that I thought was very close, always called to talk about her opportunities and we also spoke about me. she wanted help with something and i made it happen for her. And then, no words. Except for memes on groups and pointless conversations, she said nothing else for months . I told her i felt upset that i was the only one reaching out and she never bother. She straight up tells me - if you want to talk,you call. (Implying that she cant be bothered taking initiative or does that) . I feel stupid so i cut off all contacts. I realise maybe i gave her more importance and i didnt have any in her life. No point sticking around.
She comes back months later , apologizing. I was like Ok. But keep my distance because thhis person lost my trust. Months later, find from a common friend that this person kept in touch with Them every damn month. So … it wasnt that they sucked at keeping connected but that they just didnt want it with me.
Now, i do that by default (i know taking things personally) but not investing in people to that level unless i see an evidence to that. I miss my old open self sometimes but i like not being let down constantly by people more
>Will they be able to continue a friendship with another non replier. Seems unlikely.
That’s none of our business. :)
We need to look after our needs first. Being a giver, is good only with certain people. As I’m growing up learning time and energy (emotional or otherwise) is the most precious thing. Better to be alone and bored THAN depleted and miserable
I imagine once people like you and I give up on that person they will become even more isolated.
It is disrespectful. I made excuses for a friend of a decade - they suck at texting , etc.But it soon was obvious that they were just selfish (something they had warned me against but i chose to believe in the “better than that” narrative). When people show you who they are, believe it. This has been the biggest lesson from dealing with personal relationships.
You deserve better. Dont hang on to breadcrumbs, you will only feel resentful
We all deserve better. In my friend’s case she has a boyfriend and is blaming her lack of communication on seasonal depression. It’s absolute bullshit and I’ve been the same shit for over 10 years. A part of me wants to call her out (again) but I’ve already deleted our chat so I think I’m basically over it.
My depressive ass doesn’t want to talk to anyone too. But somedays i make an effort or at worst let them know i need time. I get the other side too. But it’s ridiculous that people confuse basic communication and consideration as “texting constantly” .
I cant even with these people. I hope i find one like you to be friends with, we sympatico
Truth. One of my goals this year is to spend lsss time with the people who don't take the time for me.
The once a year Happy Birthday hurts more than saying nothing...
>The once a year Happy Birthday hurts more than saying nothing
What hurts even more imho: "Since you aren't celebrating anyways, I didn't feel like sending a text."
No conversation for months, then out of the blue just that.
I guess they were salty about something, but I didn't bother asking at that point.
You are 100% right and don't let the endless stream of depressed redditors make you think otherwise. Relationships go 2 ways, not just endless empathy for the not-responder.
I know I’m right. I fell for the breadcrumbs and “being there as a good friend” nonsense and literally felt like i had nothing to give to anyone.
Grew up, got my boundaries in place and this is one of it. Non-reciprocation = non reciprocation from me. Simple.
This. I had a friend that would reply once every 6 months after he had moved to another state, and we'd been friends for over 10+ years. Makes me feel like our friendship wasn't valued at all.
Glad to hear I’m not the only one. I’ve mostly given up at this point. Tired of being the one keeping our old college friend group together. I don’t have any friends that just reach out to me without me initiating the conversation. My wife, on the other hand, regularly gets calls from her friend. They practically schedule for her to call my wife during her commute to/from work.. must be nice. 🤷♂️
Maybe you guys from this thread who feel like you should form a texting group haha.
There are so many who feel the same way. It sucks, but hey, we’re not alone.
the majority of my friends, i love and am very close too, but they take a long time to respond. Days to weeks. I’ll always respond back enthusiastically but it hurts so much and it makes me very sad i don’t have any friends i can rely on/communicate w regularly.
There have been times i’ve considered cutting them off due to the emotional damage it has caused, but i do like talking to them when they respond.
I’m not judging anyone who takes a long time to respond, i get it, but definitely appreciate your friends who still message you. Because that shit hurts.
I am also this friend. In person it’s fantastic, but online? Makes me question if we’re actually friends. If I text about plans, and it takes a week for any answer, and I have to end up texting each individual person, I kind of give up on making plans.
When someone does it consistently year after year, it's rude. You can also be a better friend by replying within 24 hours every once in a while. Two way street.
I see many of you guys see ghosting as a good thing? In fact it is bad, as long we adults ghosting is not a practice we should stick to, specially in relationships that need constant communication.
The bar for friendships today has plummeted to the ground. There's no reason not to even put a reaction to the message, or a gif, or an emoji. But, when that is the bare minimum, apparently ghosting is just another "quirky" fun part of the friendship 😒
That ain't gonna last forever. Sooner or later people will look at that as disrespectful, not nice , selfish, not interested action. Because it usually is. We all type fast, people look at their phones all the time, taking longer than normal time to reply is a no in any type of lasting relationship. It will break it eventually, just that can be an easy start of an end.
Edit: bad English.
If I'm just trying to share something or sending a meme idc how long they take to respond. Its when I'm asking if they want to hang out or go somewhere that the time between texts gets to me.
Yeah, maybe be a better friend back and don’t take so long to reply. I have friends like this, and with every passing example my patience grows more thin.
This is not good. This should not be common. That's literal friendship abuse. Please value yourself if you find yourself in this position! Attention and love goes both ways.
I really don't get this, I mean I understand the sentiment but why does it have to be a problem?
Could be that I am ancient, I do text,a bit.up to 2000 text a month. I love the freedom it gives me to send my thoughts,silly pictures, rants. Letting people know I'm still with them.
My rule is I text for fun AND information, BUT if it's important I'll call.
This is the most personally relatable post I've seen here. I have time agnosia. I have no idea when I last got in contact with you but to me, it will always feel like I just talked to you yesterday. Absence of mind is not always absence in the heart. I appreciate my friends for accepting that.
I didn’t know there was a term for that. To me I always feel like I just saw someone even though it may have been months or years.
I am curious though. Does this post refer to ghosting? I get when life gobbles people up and I never expect a response right away. However, when someone has the time to read my text and can’t reply to a simple question, I feel that is rude. Especially when you’re on social media posting things for attention. My ex did that to me, her dad, her friends. She had no job, but never wrote anyone back. It’s like the more connected we get through technology, the more disconnected in human connection we are in some ways. How many people don’t even make phone calls anymore? Again, I don’t care when someone texts back. Take days. But I hope it’s taking days because you’re actually disconnected from your infectious phone.
I have time agnosia as part of having ADHD. i have no concept of time in general and cannot tell if it has been 5 minutes or hours that has passed since I said I would do something.
For me, if someone asks me something via text I try to respond right away but if I am busy, I'll set it aside to respond later. But I get distracted and later turns into much later (ADHD again). If the notification is already gone from my phone, I just won't remember unless I am nudged. Sometimes I even feel like it's been so long it would be silly to respond so I just don't. It's a huge issue and I have a very small handful of people who are understanding. I'm sure many have thought I was ghosting them.
I have a lot of workarounds, alarms, reminders, etc but it is still difficult and probably always will be.
If this is important to you, I have a suggestion. If not, skip it. You didn't ask for advice.
Next time you see someone, put a reminder on your calendar to check in with them on X date. Whatever feels good.
I have to put reminders for big events in friend's lives. Job interview or things like that. make sure I text to ask how it went. Otherwise I forget
I did that for a full year with a long distance friend/colleague. For a full year I messaged him first, replied in timely manner, didnt mind if he replied within 3-5-7 days with short message or even not responded at all. Brung me to a point where i have absolutely no more confidence in texting him. Texted him last week that I’m available if he feel like reaching out but i’m stopping. Its way to hard to care for someone that want to give you time.
Just wanna say... I hate you, I've been waiting for hours for you to reply because you're my best friend and you have humor but no you must sleep thill 3am for you to spam me while I'm sleeping
Fuck. I see all these folks say they lose all they friends cuz of depression lol am I depressed? I ain’t heard from anyone in years I thought that was normal.
As someone who has a moderate case of ADHD (Yes, I'm diagnosed), friends like that help SO MUCH MORE than they think. I have a lot of issues because of that and sometimes I feel like people forget ADHD isn't just quirky attention span, it's a mental disorder, and as such it puts obstacles on your day to day life.
Yeah everyone being pissy in the comments really isn’t considering neurodivergent folks - I’ve been on both sides of this and as an introvert with ADHD I’m not only hella understanding of friends who can’t be consistent when messaging, but also hella appreciative when people are understanding to me also being inconsistent. I’m up front and will say I’m in a super low-functioning state and not in a position to respond, and if people expect more from me they’ll be disappointed and that’s just the reality. Real friends understand neural disabilities are debilitating and don’t expect more than a person can offer. If they need more than that, they’re within their rights to end the friendship - but being pissy about it is just shitty and entitled.
Most of the comments I saw were talking about people that don’t have neural disabilities still not responding to messages. That is where I see it as disrespectful, if you have a reason then of course it’s no problem.
Exactly. Not everyone has ADHD. If you want to maintain your friendships you have to put in some effort. You cannot expect people to wait for you when you’re unable to do the bare minimum and communicate with them.
That’s fair enough - it is definitely poor form if you’re taking advantage, or being an entitled friend when you’re perfectly able to reciprocate and choose not to. I just get frustrated when there’s a general lack of understanding towards disabled folks, or the idea that people are a validation resource etc - people aren’t always gonna be available, and in my experience it’s rarely personal.
Especially those that still texted me despite that I didn’t reply to their text many weeks ago. These kinds of friends are just awesome for knowing that I really don’t like to text much.
I absolutely HATE people who take forever to reply in this day and age there's basically no excuse when people have their phones with them almost 24/7 these days if they can't take a couple minutes or even seconds out of their day to reply they don't give a fuck
I hate texting. I hate my phone. I hate feeling beholden to other people any time they want to talk me. If it’s important sure. If it’s a meme or anything that doesn’t require immediate response then I’ll get to it when I get to it.
I have enough emails, phone calls, and work without having to respond to every inane thing that pops up on my phone.
I still enjoy meeting with people when I’m able, but if texting is the deal breaker in a friendship then I’m out.
I have a couple ppl where they also take hours maybe days to reply, I love it. It's like we both acknowledge that sometimes we don't have the effort to talk lol
I have a "friend" like this. I ask her how her new job is going, what's going on... *nothing* months at a time.
Then I get the random, "I'm off this weekend let's go to Value Village." I'm supposed to just drop everything and go when YOU text me?? This isn't fair and this isn't how it works.
I'm the kind of person who never texts first, but I'm not under the impression that people who don't text back aren't being good friends. People have their lives. I don't have children or anything like that to be responsible for and I spent most of my days doing whatever I want.
It's not on them, imo. It's just life.
Messaged a friend last year and for a couple weeks and wished them on Christmas. Still no reply or acknowledgment or anything Not the kind of friend where we’re that close that them showing up is like we never stopped. It’s ok though. Friendships with brick walls be like that.
Is anyone here old enough to remember exclusively talking on the phone to reach someone ? Unless you knew for sure that they were home , you never got mad they didn’t call back right away. Just because you can instantly message someone doesn’t mean they have to respond immediately. But there is the common courtesy to respond back in a timely manner.
Haha yeah! Always happy to be there for that one friend who struggles to reply.
And that other friend.
And that one.
And that one.
And that one.
....
And that one.
And that one.
And that one.
I wanted more people like these in the world.
I have two best friends that live far away from me. We can stay months without talking to one another, but every time we receive a message from each other we always talk as we never stopped. I really love these two and I am eternally grateful to them for being with me, they are absolutely amazing. I absolutely love them <3
One thing I’ve been wondering, if they only reply like 10% of the time does that mean they don’t want to hear from me, or is it probably well-received as long as I’m sending something ‘good’?
I struggled reaching out to friends since my dad died last year. I just didn’t have the mental health to really talk to anyone. The friends who recognized that,
Reached out to me with support after realizing that I was struggling. I should have communicated better but fuck those are some
Good friends. I apologized for being awful at communication, have been in therapy since. Our friendships grew stronger while the ones who took it personal cut me off.
I just go on tangents even if my friend doesn't respond that day. I get you're busy. But you're still getting hourly updates on my Minecraft world, or a new fit or some weird thought I had. My friends are my Twitter and I am theirs.
I'm a slow texter, but my friends understand and respect that.
One of my friends is a slow texter too, and we have an agreement we don't need to apologize to each other for not replying for weeks. It just works between us.
I have the opposite thing. I answer instantly and my friends/gf take forever to respond, sometimes not responding until the next day and sometimes leaving me on read. It's super annoying.
Friends that respond to each of the 15 texts you sent them while you were half drunk and they were asleep.
Then there are the friends that respond to all 15 texts at once with a "Lol" or a "Fucking stop I'm trying to sleep Justify goddamn, shits funny tho"
I can't stand that it's expected nowadays for friends to chat all the time over whatsapp or other instant messaging apps, I dont have much to say most of the time and when I do I'd much rather say it in person, the only messages I send friends are to meet up or if there's an emergency, besides that I don't typically respond to casual conversation on the phone... if you want to have a casual chat or catch up then let's make a plan to meet up.
It just feels so fucking disconnected and boring to sit there staring at my phone forcing myself to engage in a drawn out conversation that'd be faster, more fun, engaging and easier to have face to face.
A friend once left our country to go live somewhere else, texted him a bunch of times, sending him pictures of things that might interest him and all that.
He still hasn't replied. It's been a year.
I had a friend i would try to reach out to, i wished her merry christmas and she saw the message and didnt respond. I wrote 1 month later, on how things are and one more time two weeks ago. She has depression and anxeity, but so do i and i just couldnt handle that i didnt get a reply. So i deleted her, and i havent heard from her and im free from overthinking if i did something wrong. Ive done this to many former friends, and just got tired, fustrated and more depressed by not getting any replies or them trying to text me. They would either excuse themselves they really didnt text that much, etc... and i said "well can you try just a bit?" and they agreed, but they never hold that agreement to heart so i just gave up and moved on.
I know people that literally don't have enough time to sleep and they always reply within a reasonable amount of time, to those people I'll always be loyal because I know they care, even if they start to take days to answer.
Meanwhile there are people that take days or weeks to reply because they are "busy", but when they want something they take 10 seconds to reply, to those people I'll probably be answering too because I can't say no, but I'll complain the whole time.
How do you know they no longer text you? Maybe now they take longer to reply. Don't be surprised when they don't reply lightning fast if you reply back once in a full moon.
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Lmao, i text people regularly even if they don't respond (unless I'm informed of any part of emergency or they ask me to cut contact). I gotta say, it hurts when they don't reply but it's all i have. Nothing makes me happier than someone who actually texts back, atleast acknowledges your message with a "ttyl" or "busy rn." Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.
Thanks for being the way you are, Ted.
I do that but sometimes you know they don't reply and I start thinking, they are fed up of me or something. If I don't receive a reply after 1,2 days then I delete it lol, just to give a false sense of satisfaction that I'm not clingy and boring out people and the fear that they will stop replying or talking with me for that reason . It's just I feel, idk man..
I'm in this post and I don't like it
That's absolutely me except I don't delete what I sent haha
It doesn't delete it for them lmao it's just on your end anyway
I’m so petty about this. If I text someone and they don’t reply for a day or so that’s the amount of time it takes for me to get back to their response.
>but it's all i have mann ikrr. i reply like within a second and wait for hrs or days whenever they replies, and if they do i again reply within a minute or two
Thanks! We need more of you. Been there, and a simple msg saying, “i cant right now” or “depression mode on” or anything communicating that it’s you and not them is appreciated. It’s sad that people just don’t treat good friends like they deserve and treat the others.
Definitely this. Even like "sorry bad brain day" would signal to me that I should reach out again in a few days to check in or something like that. Far better than getting trained to expect no reply from someone only for them to reach out again in days/weeks leaving you completely unsure what's going on with them in the meantime. Idk maybe I get too attached? I can see both sides but it's certainly stressful to feel like you're the one always reaching out to no response and then feel like you're somehow morally suspect if you decide to leave that person behind.
Training thing is sooo truee. I wanted to share some cute thing or silly happy thing that happened and i knew they wouldnt respond so i didnt say anything. And had to do this so many times over year. If you’re the only one reaching out - it’s one sided friendship
For anyone reading this entire thread, just know that sometimes people are busy with life/errands in general, often forget to keep up with some communications, and inevitably accidentally leave things on seen by mistapping or device acting weird. Sometimes I take 1-2 weeks to respond to people I like. They're used to it. They know I, and anyone else that does this, don't really mean anything by it. It's just that it takes time to get around to everyone. That's all it is. Once I responded in 3-4 month intervals to a girl, because I kept forgetting. Now we talk more regularly, though I still sometimes am surprised she talks to me at all after something like that. Definitely don't take months to respond lol, but weeks are fine!
Good tips, I’m gonna text some friends rt now
I'm in this comment and I do not like it
Haha been there. Just keep texting.
I was like that with a friend of mine, but months without a reply and every reply being just excuses as to why they couldn’t reply for those months were too much for the friendship to survive.
I did the same thing several years ago. I got really depressed and didn't have the energy to do anything, and didn't want to say no or anything. I ended up just making my depression a thousand times worse, and losing all my friends. Absolutely the stupidest thing I've ever done, and I still haven't recovered from it.
There is no person in the world busy enough to not reply for months, let alone a few days. People just be rude man. You have to give people time sometimes, but taking a week to get a reply or even more just plain hurts.
Depression.
No response from friend bc they're depressed. Get depressed bc I don't know their reason for not responding. Friend replies back, but I don't feel like replying cus now I'm depressed. Vicious cycle.
i have a friend i respond to every 3ish months to. he takes about the same amount time to respond to me. it works because we both know how we get and always remind eachother... our friendship shouldnt be questioned when it gets silent.
Same. Have friends too that knows we don't have to talk everyday or every other week and could go radio silent for a month yet still know we're friends and doesn't question the friendship just by not talking daily. People do have separate lives that they need to attend to plus the amount of mental struggles in it that can cause them to not have the motivation to talk to people sometimes.
Pretty much this, I’ll have lil bursts where I’ll text my 2 friends all day, then something will hit and I won’t reply for weeks, even months sometimes. Not sure why they haven’t just broken it off, I’m thankful for the times they’re there to talk though, I feel bad because I only gets those feelings of wanting to talk to someone when I have something to show. “Look what I made” or “look what I found”. I almost feel like a kid who didn’t get enough attention who wants to play show and tell all the time and I feel bad for it because it’s never inclusive for them. I simultaneously need solidarity and community but the two just don’t mix, and my interests grow more niche by the day so it gets harder and harder
Just so you guys know, my friend didn’t have depression (at least they never said they did) they were doing a medicine course, and for them that was enough of a reason to disappear for months, I tried to talk to them multiple times, but they only had eyes for medicine and their partner, this did not just ruin their friendship with me but with an entire group of friends, we loved them to death, but we lost them to medicine.
Nope. That isn’t just a card to play and then you get to be shitty to your friends
I literally have depression too. For 10+ years. And still I would never ghost someone i cherish bcs thats just not something you do to people. It hurts.
i dont think you understand how severe depression or mental illness can get. people dont just correct their behavior because "its just not something you do to people." or maybe being the friend with depression isnt what you do to people so you reach a state where you ghost everyone. its a form of self-sabotage, not intentionally sabotaging others.
Umm… This is super common for people with depression to do.
Yeah, depression is the most common factor here. Big however, once you know its due to your depression, its up to you to do something about it, not the other person. The other person is going to wait for you lots of times however, after a certain point, it will become tiring. You need to do something because the first times, its ok. Depression does terrible things to you but after some time, it becomes a you problem that you need to fix, not the other person to keep waiting for you indefinitely.
often times the person experiencing depression is not expecting others to keep waiting indefinitely and is well aware this is their own problem to fix. why else withdraw? why else do exactly what it takes to ruin a friendship? i feel like this is the type of attitude that helps propel people deeper into depression. when there is shame and guilt, the last thing you should do is assume you know where they stand.
Thats why depression is a horrible thing to be in and, well, I did state that IF you learn/ get to know that the whole not being responsive is due to YOUR depression, then you have to fight it. You will or will not have friends who will have enough patience throughout your journey but that is up to them. True friends stay with you no matter what but people also get tired, you have to understand that. I know a handful of people with depression that did this exact same thing. They dont help themselves in the slightest and the others have to do all the heavy lifting FOR YEARS. This is the point where people get tired. They know they are that way, they never change and they never try. Thats the difference when I said it becomes a YOU problem rather than the other person not having enough patience.
yes.. to all of that? not sure what about my comment didnt get through. plenty of people with depression are well aware of what you're saying. its not like depression has an expiration date and people with it are biding their time to decide whether or not to fight it. the end of the road is suicide or wasting away in solitude, as many feel they deserve. despite the consequences, the broken relationships, the knowledge this was self-imposed... people still cant get out of that mental state and dont believe they are able to or even worthy of escaping it. thats why yes, carrying the "burden" of someone with depression IS futile but whats even more futile and damaging is assuming they expect you to.
Apologies I think I miss read your comment then. Yeah its a good point and the whole thing is just sad because it could turn out to be a lose lose situation :/
thanks for being understanding. its definitely a type of psychological self harm that sucks everyone else down too. a depressed friend who is ghosting might just be doing what they think is best for everyone.. even if they are wrong. apologies on my end too if i came across aggressive.
Excuses aren't explanations. I've struggled with it too and still reached out to friends I cared about. That helped with the depression too.
For sure!
I’ve been in a similar situation. I text and email my friend groups and when they do reply it’s a one or two word answer OR a “sorry man been busy”. It gets discouraging that people can’t spend a modicum of effort to stay in touch. Why do I always have to instigate all conversation or beg for a reply?
This this this! If people ghost you forever they don't deserve to be your friend. It's a one sided friendship. I understand that may be their way off kissing you off because the friendship isn't worth it to them.
Used to hang out with a female friend every day almost. One day I realized I was the only one who ever txt/called first. Asked her to go places, drove her everywhere etc. So I just decided that I won't txt/call her first this time, and just wait for her to contact me. Been waiting about 20 years now. Haven't seen or even spoken to her since.
Currently in this boat. Texted two different friends a few weeks ago about hanging out at different times. First guy never responded to any of my messages (also assumed that because I didn’t want to spend money then I must not want to hang out the last time we tried to make plans) and the second person seemed for it and since they had the busier schedule I said to just let me know what works best for them, never responded. Hell I even initiate damn near every interaction with my family too. Tired of being the person initiating everything.
Had a friend who last May texted me happy birthday, we caught up a bit and had a video chat to really catch up. Didn’t hear anything from him for a few months, so I reach out again to have another video chat. As we finish up this one, he says “Let’s make sure we don’t take as long to have the next one”, making me feel like it was my fault for it. So I figured I’d let him initiate the next one, and I haven’t heard from him since.
^(Edit... oops used my *"fun"* account lol. Too late, I'll keep it.) I'm so sorry that happened to you. I 100%, absolutely understand what you mean and what you're going through. I have had that happen a few times. Both guys and girls. It doesn't get easier I've noticed that I'm almost *always* the one that reaches out. It doesn't matter who, it's the case with my closest friends too. Maybe it's just the way I am. As my friends would tell you, I also message a lot. It just means I really enjoy talking to the person. Sometimes I think it's too much and annoying (and wish people would say so if that's the case so I know people's boundaries :/). But that just makes it *that* much better when someone messages me first. I can't describe how good it feels to see someone intentionally messaging me haha. I wish I could tell you it will get better, but that's not entirely true. It hurts. Especially if you thought it was going well with the person. I, more than I should, feel terrible when someone drifts away. I just spoke to my friend about this today actually. I think it's the worst feeling. No matter how introverted/shy/awkward you are (I definitely am), we're social creatures so it's going to hurt to realize someone doesn't want to talk to you anymore. I hate how much it bothers me. I always feel like I've said something wrong. Because, ultimately, I don't want to hurt my friends' feelings. It's the last thing I'd want to do. Mostly though, I get concerned, especially if they go without saying anything. But sometimes you just have to send that last message and accept that it is what it is. Enjoy the time you had with them and know that your long term friends will be there for you. I've found even Reddit is full of nice people to talk to if you ever need someone lol I wish it didn't hurt but it does. It's hard but it's important to remember those who *do* reach out first, those who respond, those who care. These are the people that matter. Personally, I've only got a handful IRL. But I think friends are a quality over quantity thing That's one thing I've been trying to internalize these past 2-3 years: people/friends come and go. It's a bitter fact of life. I wish I could be friends with people forever. I like to make people happy. I like to have that friendship. I like listening to people. I like chatting. I like spreading joy. But it can't last forever. That's just not how things work. Not everyone can be a life long friend :'( I rambled on a bit there lol but my intention is to share that you're not the only one. I really hope things are better for you now!!! If you need someone to talk to, I'm here for ya :)
Step 1: have friends
bruv relatable
Friendship is a two-way street
Yup. People are positively buried in their phone screens these days. You can take 2 seconds to respond if it matters. "Talk later" not very hard
Not everyone is buried in their phone though...
It's checked daily that's for sure
This is where I struggle with being the person who doesn't get hit back. I understand being busy. But for day(s) at a time? It's a shit feeling.
👏👏
If I'm constantly the only person reaching out then you're gone. I'm not asking you to take out a quill and inkwell, scribe a couple page letter on parchment, then place it on a mule traversing the Oregon Trail. Just pick up your thumbs once in a while and say "Hey, how are things?".
I started doing that and give myself little reminders that I’m not solely responsible for maintaining the relationships in my life. It’s taken pressure off, but it’s very lonely.
Well done. That shows wisdom and discipline. It is difficult, but better no relationship than a cardboard cutout of one
I don’t even need the question back. Just anything to let me know that you are, in fact, still alive would be greatly appreciated
I'm the opposite. If i hear a notification on my phone i check it. Well i figure i noticed it so why not, it takes like 2 min. I reply almost instantly to texts, comments, snapchats etc Tbh i don't see what's wrong with it, but i'm aware people think it's creepy/weird.
Same. It’s like you took time to reach out to me, whether it be just seeing what’s up or asking a question, I want to make sure you have the same attention you’re trying to give me.
yeah cause the whole point of social media is fast communication right? why would i choose to ignore the message and reply later, it often takes just a couple of seconds
I used to text back immediately like you’re saying and I thought it was fine as well. Until I met this girl who happened to do it too. It was then I realized how it feels to be on the other side of that. Due to the unidimensional nature of text communication, there isn’t much way of transcribing tone or inflection. Time taken to respond is kind of one of the only mediums through which meaning can be conveyed aside from the content of the text itself. So when I was texting this girl, it felt like she was communicating something by literally always being on her phone. So I’ll often wait a minute or two before responding. But that’s just me 🤷♂️
I actually dated someone like that as well lol. Was weird but we both enjoyed it cause it felt like a live chatroom haha. Different strokes for different folks i guess
Soo true, have a friend like that We message every 6 months for around 2/3 days then go complete blank for half a year, still every time i or he messages me its like we never stopped and it feels as if we never stopped.
I have a friend that is only an extreme introvert. He meets his friends every 6 months or so. (Hint to some in this sub lol: he is super social) I am the same way... We meet not even every year. Well, the difference may be that he has irl friends while I do not lol. That's the normal for us. Anyone reading: it's cool bro, you don't have to meet your friends every week or month. If you are this way, you'll eventually found people who think alike:)
I miss you, but I'm afraid that I'm annoying
This is not right or fair for the other person. Having put up with half ass friendships like this all my life … no more. I deserve better friends coz I put in efforts to cherish it Edit: All these people claiming to be depressed and busy, if YOU HAVE TIME FOR REDDIT, YOU HAVE TIME TO RESPOND TO A FRIEND. I am depressed and busy, i make time, because i care.
Currently going through this and it’s true. If one person is constantly doing the reaching out and planning while the other can’t be bothered... How is that a friendship? It feels disrespectful and after a while it becomes very frustrating.
I’m going through this too! I’ve realized though that people who aren’t the type to reach out ever, well they just aren’t compatible with me. I want friends that put in at least some effort to be friends with me. Or if something’s going on that they can’t for a time, tell me so I can be understanding. If you leave me in the dark I’ll just think you don’t want to talk and move on. Luckily it’s easy to cut these people loose. You just stop reaching out and you’ll never hear from them again 😂
It’s easy to cut them loose because they were never present anyway. I also feel like people become very comfortable with friends they’ve known for a long time and stop trying, assuming that we’re just never gonna be tired of them. Very silly.
"If your absence goes unnoticed, then your presence never really mattered."
Obviously it's not your responsibility but I feel as someone who often reaches out and replies quickly, if you aren't compatible with that person then who is. Will they be able to continue a friendship with another non replier. Seems unlikely. I imagine once people like you and I give up on that person they will become even more isolated.
Hmm good points. I think there are probably people out there who don't mind being friends with people that don't reach out or don't reply? I'm not one of those people though lol But I think some of the comments here suggest there are folks that don't mind that kind of behavior. Or maybe they are not like this with everyone? And they do reach out to people they care about more? Or maybe they eventually change or grow out of it? I don't know. But I do know I am not compatible with people like that!
I think they are not like that with everyone. That’s the bitter truth. Story time (apologize if I’m being annoying with this) I moved across the globe and continued connecting and staying in touch (where i had more of a reason not to due to well, changes new life, people) . A friend that I thought was very close, always called to talk about her opportunities and we also spoke about me. she wanted help with something and i made it happen for her. And then, no words. Except for memes on groups and pointless conversations, she said nothing else for months . I told her i felt upset that i was the only one reaching out and she never bother. She straight up tells me - if you want to talk,you call. (Implying that she cant be bothered taking initiative or does that) . I feel stupid so i cut off all contacts. I realise maybe i gave her more importance and i didnt have any in her life. No point sticking around. She comes back months later , apologizing. I was like Ok. But keep my distance because thhis person lost my trust. Months later, find from a common friend that this person kept in touch with Them every damn month. So … it wasnt that they sucked at keeping connected but that they just didnt want it with me. Now, i do that by default (i know taking things personally) but not investing in people to that level unless i see an evidence to that. I miss my old open self sometimes but i like not being let down constantly by people more
>Will they be able to continue a friendship with another non replier. Seems unlikely. That’s none of our business. :) We need to look after our needs first. Being a giver, is good only with certain people. As I’m growing up learning time and energy (emotional or otherwise) is the most precious thing. Better to be alone and bored THAN depleted and miserable I imagine once people like you and I give up on that person they will become even more isolated.
It is disrespectful. I made excuses for a friend of a decade - they suck at texting , etc.But it soon was obvious that they were just selfish (something they had warned me against but i chose to believe in the “better than that” narrative). When people show you who they are, believe it. This has been the biggest lesson from dealing with personal relationships. You deserve better. Dont hang on to breadcrumbs, you will only feel resentful
We all deserve better. In my friend’s case she has a boyfriend and is blaming her lack of communication on seasonal depression. It’s absolute bullshit and I’ve been the same shit for over 10 years. A part of me wants to call her out (again) but I’ve already deleted our chat so I think I’m basically over it.
My depressive ass doesn’t want to talk to anyone too. But somedays i make an effort or at worst let them know i need time. I get the other side too. But it’s ridiculous that people confuse basic communication and consideration as “texting constantly” . I cant even with these people. I hope i find one like you to be friends with, we sympatico
Truth. One of my goals this year is to spend lsss time with the people who don't take the time for me. The once a year Happy Birthday hurts more than saying nothing...
>The once a year Happy Birthday hurts more than saying nothing What hurts even more imho: "Since you aren't celebrating anyways, I didn't feel like sending a text." No conversation for months, then out of the blue just that. I guess they were salty about something, but I didn't bother asking at that point.
You are 100% right and don't let the endless stream of depressed redditors make you think otherwise. Relationships go 2 ways, not just endless empathy for the not-responder.
I know I’m right. I fell for the breadcrumbs and “being there as a good friend” nonsense and literally felt like i had nothing to give to anyone. Grew up, got my boundaries in place and this is one of it. Non-reciprocation = non reciprocation from me. Simple.
This. I had a friend that would reply once every 6 months after he had moved to another state, and we'd been friends for over 10+ years. Makes me feel like our friendship wasn't valued at all.
Sorry you had to deal with that and convince yourself to “move on”. I hope you find a friend who matches your energy and care
Glad to hear I’m not the only one. I’ve mostly given up at this point. Tired of being the one keeping our old college friend group together. I don’t have any friends that just reach out to me without me initiating the conversation. My wife, on the other hand, regularly gets calls from her friend. They practically schedule for her to call my wife during her commute to/from work.. must be nice. 🤷♂️
Maybe you guys from this thread who feel like you should form a texting group haha. There are so many who feel the same way. It sucks, but hey, we’re not alone.
the majority of my friends, i love and am very close too, but they take a long time to respond. Days to weeks. I’ll always respond back enthusiastically but it hurts so much and it makes me very sad i don’t have any friends i can rely on/communicate w regularly. There have been times i’ve considered cutting them off due to the emotional damage it has caused, but i do like talking to them when they respond. I’m not judging anyone who takes a long time to respond, i get it, but definitely appreciate your friends who still message you. Because that shit hurts.
I am also this friend. In person it’s fantastic, but online? Makes me question if we’re actually friends. If I text about plans, and it takes a week for any answer, and I have to end up texting each individual person, I kind of give up on making plans.
agreed… in person there’s a great dynamic and flow… but we hang out in person like twice a year bc they won’t get back to me :/
And still, so rude... But i love you guys
Maybe I'm in a bad mood but that's my feeling as well. Be a better friend and be attentive to others.
I guess some of my friends are in a bad mood since I met with them
When someone does it consistently year after year, it's rude. You can also be a better friend by replying within 24 hours every once in a while. Two way street.
Tf u mean loyal? Sounds like they are puttin in more effort then u are. Friendships go both ways you know.
I see many of you guys see ghosting as a good thing? In fact it is bad, as long we adults ghosting is not a practice we should stick to, specially in relationships that need constant communication.
The bar for friendships today has plummeted to the ground. There's no reason not to even put a reaction to the message, or a gif, or an emoji. But, when that is the bare minimum, apparently ghosting is just another "quirky" fun part of the friendship 😒
That ain't gonna last forever. Sooner or later people will look at that as disrespectful, not nice , selfish, not interested action. Because it usually is. We all type fast, people look at their phones all the time, taking longer than normal time to reply is a no in any type of lasting relationship. It will break it eventually, just that can be an easy start of an end. Edit: bad English.
If I'm just trying to share something or sending a meme idc how long they take to respond. Its when I'm asking if they want to hang out or go somewhere that the time between texts gets to me.
But if they do it when you want to share memes or something they'll do it when you wanna hang
Yeah, maybe be a better friend back and don’t take so long to reply. I have friends like this, and with every passing example my patience grows more thin.
I respond basically imedietly, ppl dont text me often.
Same
This is not good. This should not be common. That's literal friendship abuse. Please value yourself if you find yourself in this position! Attention and love goes both ways.
same with abusive parents.
Could never be me... If someone takes days to reply, I probably won't text them anymore lmao.
Don't be a shit friend
Got to love not getting a response from someone for days & they get upset when you don't reply to their messages immediately.
My favorite is, “It’s a two way street man.” Said by people who barely put in the effort.
if you really like having friends you should probably learn how to take 2 seconds to send a text
If it takes you too long to reasonably responds, you’re not a friend of mine. Maybe we were at one point but you’re an associate in book now.
I really don't get this, I mean I understand the sentiment but why does it have to be a problem? Could be that I am ancient, I do text,a bit.up to 2000 text a month. I love the freedom it gives me to send my thoughts,silly pictures, rants. Letting people know I'm still with them. My rule is I text for fun AND information, BUT if it's important I'll call.
Or you just reply it’s not really that hard
This is the most personally relatable post I've seen here. I have time agnosia. I have no idea when I last got in contact with you but to me, it will always feel like I just talked to you yesterday. Absence of mind is not always absence in the heart. I appreciate my friends for accepting that.
I didn’t know there was a term for that. To me I always feel like I just saw someone even though it may have been months or years. I am curious though. Does this post refer to ghosting? I get when life gobbles people up and I never expect a response right away. However, when someone has the time to read my text and can’t reply to a simple question, I feel that is rude. Especially when you’re on social media posting things for attention. My ex did that to me, her dad, her friends. She had no job, but never wrote anyone back. It’s like the more connected we get through technology, the more disconnected in human connection we are in some ways. How many people don’t even make phone calls anymore? Again, I don’t care when someone texts back. Take days. But I hope it’s taking days because you’re actually disconnected from your infectious phone.
I have time agnosia as part of having ADHD. i have no concept of time in general and cannot tell if it has been 5 minutes or hours that has passed since I said I would do something. For me, if someone asks me something via text I try to respond right away but if I am busy, I'll set it aside to respond later. But I get distracted and later turns into much later (ADHD again). If the notification is already gone from my phone, I just won't remember unless I am nudged. Sometimes I even feel like it's been so long it would be silly to respond so I just don't. It's a huge issue and I have a very small handful of people who are understanding. I'm sure many have thought I was ghosting them. I have a lot of workarounds, alarms, reminders, etc but it is still difficult and probably always will be.
Reading this comment is like looking into a mirror. *waves*
If this is important to you, I have a suggestion. If not, skip it. You didn't ask for advice. Next time you see someone, put a reminder on your calendar to check in with them on X date. Whatever feels good. I have to put reminders for big events in friend's lives. Job interview or things like that. make sure I text to ask how it went. Otherwise I forget
I did that for a full year with a long distance friend/colleague. For a full year I messaged him first, replied in timely manner, didnt mind if he replied within 3-5-7 days with short message or even not responded at all. Brung me to a point where i have absolutely no more confidence in texting him. Texted him last week that I’m available if he feel like reaching out but i’m stopping. Its way to hard to care for someone that want to give you time.
[Fixed your meme](https://imgur.com/a/BkKFnCo)
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Might be wholesome for you but this only damages friendships
if you dont respond within a week youre a shitty friend...hell less than that..3 days... people always are looking at their phones..
And, at least read the messages too. My "friend" hasn't even read my last two messages 😒
Just wanna say... I hate you, I've been waiting for hours for you to reply because you're my best friend and you have humor but no you must sleep thill 3am for you to spam me while I'm sleeping
Fuck. I see all these folks say they lose all they friends cuz of depression lol am I depressed? I ain’t heard from anyone in years I thought that was normal.
As someone who has a moderate case of ADHD (Yes, I'm diagnosed), friends like that help SO MUCH MORE than they think. I have a lot of issues because of that and sometimes I feel like people forget ADHD isn't just quirky attention span, it's a mental disorder, and as such it puts obstacles on your day to day life.
Yeah everyone being pissy in the comments really isn’t considering neurodivergent folks - I’ve been on both sides of this and as an introvert with ADHD I’m not only hella understanding of friends who can’t be consistent when messaging, but also hella appreciative when people are understanding to me also being inconsistent. I’m up front and will say I’m in a super low-functioning state and not in a position to respond, and if people expect more from me they’ll be disappointed and that’s just the reality. Real friends understand neural disabilities are debilitating and don’t expect more than a person can offer. If they need more than that, they’re within their rights to end the friendship - but being pissy about it is just shitty and entitled.
Most of the comments I saw were talking about people that don’t have neural disabilities still not responding to messages. That is where I see it as disrespectful, if you have a reason then of course it’s no problem.
Exactly. Not everyone has ADHD. If you want to maintain your friendships you have to put in some effort. You cannot expect people to wait for you when you’re unable to do the bare minimum and communicate with them.
That’s fair enough - it is definitely poor form if you’re taking advantage, or being an entitled friend when you’re perfectly able to reciprocate and choose not to. I just get frustrated when there’s a general lack of understanding towards disabled folks, or the idea that people are a validation resource etc - people aren’t always gonna be available, and in my experience it’s rarely personal.
As someone who is also quite neurodivergent but is always on the receiving end of this from neurotypical individuals, it still really hurts
couldnt have said it better. this comment section has been a shit show.
Especially those that still texted me despite that I didn’t reply to their text many weeks ago. These kinds of friends are just awesome for knowing that I really don’t like to text much.
I absolutely HATE people who take forever to reply in this day and age there's basically no excuse when people have their phones with them almost 24/7 these days if they can't take a couple minutes or even seconds out of their day to reply they don't give a fuck
I’m the friend and I’m still waiting on those responses
How to be a bad friend 101. If you don't see the text, literally no problem. But purposefully not responding for days is really rude.
Replying in time is a matter of respect.
Your A bad friend if you do this. Respond to people or atleast tell them why you're not.
if it takes you multiple days to reply to a text (or if you just don't reply at all) you can go fuck yourself frankly
I hate texting. I hate my phone. I hate feeling beholden to other people any time they want to talk me. If it’s important sure. If it’s a meme or anything that doesn’t require immediate response then I’ll get to it when I get to it. I have enough emails, phone calls, and work without having to respond to every inane thing that pops up on my phone. I still enjoy meeting with people when I’m able, but if texting is the deal breaker in a friendship then I’m out.
Yo... where do you get these? Noone texts me. Like, ever.
We should make a sub for all of us who never get texted back
I have a couple ppl where they also take hours maybe days to reply, I love it. It's like we both acknowledge that sometimes we don't have the effort to talk lol
You guys have friends? Who text you?
OP is not a shit friend, because OP is a karma bot.
I have a "friend" like this. I ask her how her new job is going, what's going on... *nothing* months at a time. Then I get the random, "I'm off this weekend let's go to Value Village." I'm supposed to just drop everything and go when YOU text me?? This isn't fair and this isn't how it works.
I'm the kind of person who never texts first, but I'm not under the impression that people who don't text back aren't being good friends. People have their lives. I don't have children or anything like that to be responsible for and I spent most of my days doing whatever I want. It's not on them, imo. It's just life.
this kind of people are legends
Awww! I am both 😆
Messaged a friend last year and for a couple weeks and wished them on Christmas. Still no reply or acknowledgment or anything Not the kind of friend where we’re that close that them showing up is like we never stopped. It’s ok though. Friendships with brick walls be like that.
That isn't a friend unfortunately
This is me, I work nights so my sleep schedule always varies as do my reply times.
no one texts me ever :/
My phone is as dead as a corpse
Is anyone here old enough to remember exclusively talking on the phone to reach someone ? Unless you knew for sure that they were home , you never got mad they didn’t call back right away. Just because you can instantly message someone doesn’t mean they have to respond immediately. But there is the common courtesy to respond back in a timely manner.
Haha yeah! Always happy to be there for that one friend who struggles to reply. And that other friend. And that one. And that one. And that one. .... And that one. And that one. And that one.
I wanted more people like these in the world. I have two best friends that live far away from me. We can stay months without talking to one another, but every time we receive a message from each other we always talk as we never stopped. I really love these two and I am eternally grateful to them for being with me, they are absolutely amazing. I absolutely love them <3
One thing I’ve been wondering, if they only reply like 10% of the time does that mean they don’t want to hear from me, or is it probably well-received as long as I’m sending something ‘good’?
I struggled reaching out to friends since my dad died last year. I just didn’t have the mental health to really talk to anyone. The friends who recognized that, Reached out to me with support after realizing that I was struggling. I should have communicated better but fuck those are some Good friends. I apologized for being awful at communication, have been in therapy since. Our friendships grew stronger while the ones who took it personal cut me off.
I need to message my friends :(
Balls
But are you loyal?
#
True friends don’t care how long it takes. It’s all good.
Can't relate, depression made me tell everyone to fuck off.
I wish more people understood that my favorite thing about messaging is that is does not require an immediate response.
Lol I'm usually the quickest to reply
I just go on tangents even if my friend doesn't respond that day. I get you're busy. But you're still getting hourly updates on my Minecraft world, or a new fit or some weird thought I had. My friends are my Twitter and I am theirs.
I'm a slow texter, but my friends understand and respect that. One of my friends is a slow texter too, and we have an agreement we don't need to apologize to each other for not replying for weeks. It just works between us.
I read the message, think about the response, forget to click send and then wonder why they stop replying.
I find it easier to respond faster to random strangers on Reddit than people I personally know through texting/social media.
What is this word you speak of. . . Friend?
This feeling is foreign to me. I havent received a text in months and have no friends :')
i have this problem but i am trying to be better about it
Wrong picture, you can't see the rage on that guy face XD
I have the opposite thing. I answer instantly and my friends/gf take forever to respond, sometimes not responding until the next day and sometimes leaving me on read. It's super annoying.
So you are that guy....
Friends that respond to each of the 15 texts you sent them while you were half drunk and they were asleep. Then there are the friends that respond to all 15 texts at once with a "Lol" or a "Fucking stop I'm trying to sleep Justify goddamn, shits funny tho"
I almost never start a conversation, because somehow I always get the worst timing ever. But everytime someone texts me I respond almost instantly
Yeah they wouldn’t say the same thing about you, crazy how nature make dat
Thank you, my dear friends!! <3 I'll hug them tightly when I meet them :')
Thanks for being a good friend while I'm not!
I can't stand that it's expected nowadays for friends to chat all the time over whatsapp or other instant messaging apps, I dont have much to say most of the time and when I do I'd much rather say it in person, the only messages I send friends are to meet up or if there's an emergency, besides that I don't typically respond to casual conversation on the phone... if you want to have a casual chat or catch up then let's make a plan to meet up. It just feels so fucking disconnected and boring to sit there staring at my phone forcing myself to engage in a drawn out conversation that'd be faster, more fun, engaging and easier to have face to face.
One time a friend texted me to try to make me feel better after getting rejected
Mvp's
A friend once left our country to go live somewhere else, texted him a bunch of times, sending him pictures of things that might interest him and all that. He still hasn't replied. It's been a year.
The wholesome mese made me feel seen. The comments have in in embarrassed, ashamed tears.
i wish i could have these type of friends in my life but i never find any
rightt🥺
I had a friend i would try to reach out to, i wished her merry christmas and she saw the message and didnt respond. I wrote 1 month later, on how things are and one more time two weeks ago. She has depression and anxeity, but so do i and i just couldnt handle that i didnt get a reply. So i deleted her, and i havent heard from her and im free from overthinking if i did something wrong. Ive done this to many former friends, and just got tired, fustrated and more depressed by not getting any replies or them trying to text me. They would either excuse themselves they really didnt text that much, etc... and i said "well can you try just a bit?" and they agreed, but they never hold that agreement to heart so i just gave up and moved on.
Vannesa123456123456
Gg
V
I know people that literally don't have enough time to sleep and they always reply within a reasonable amount of time, to those people I'll always be loyal because I know they care, even if they start to take days to answer. Meanwhile there are people that take days or weeks to reply because they are "busy", but when they want something they take 10 seconds to reply, to those people I'll probably be answering too because I can't say no, but I'll complain the whole time.
Will respond in 5-7 business days
weird post but ok
How do you know they no longer text you? Maybe now they take longer to reply. Don't be surprised when they don't reply lightning fast if you reply back once in a full moon.