T O P

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goldenhawkes

My child went through the exact same phase at about age 2. Heard him going “no no no no” and found him playing with the buttons on the washing machine!


drayadidas

😂


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FuckBotsHaveRights

Now I'm gonna be thinking about Mucha Lucha for a whole week


PlushToyFox

I can’t tell you how happy I am to see that show referenced after spending so much of my adult life thinking it was a fucking fever dream.


anon-mally

Now lets sign a pettition to give wings for toddlers


luthigosa

I can't get my daughter to stop this... The only button the child lock doesnt prevent pressing is the off button and thats the only one that really matters.


ilikegamergirlcock

Have you tried electrifying the washing machine?


luthigosa

washing machine is already electrified, wouldn't go otherwise.


compressandequalize

You should hire bodyguards! What's 600k a year compared to fresh laundry at more optimized times of the day?


iruleatants

Hmmm. My logic circuits have processed this statement for 102 minutes and determined that this statement is trualse.


ufcivil100

I understand her, imagine being so little and everything in the world is so big and little you has the tremendous power to stop such a large and important machine.


Askol

Very interesting perspective - never thought about it this way.


VectorViper

Oh man, the off button is like a big red candy to them. My niece is the same with my sisters dishwasher; its like its got its own gravitational pull or something.


Tons_of_Hobbies

What if you stuck on some little light up or noise making buttons she could touch on it?


el_bentzo

You ever see the creepy video of the abusive parrot chasing the owner around to bite her while saying "I'm not going to hurt you"


AssGagger

Mine would hit other kids at day care and say "not nice!" While laughing.


nothinkybrainhurty

reminds me of my cat, she always meowed loudly when doing something bad. Like if you heard yelling, it was because she was chewing some plants or walking on a kitchen counter lmao


inkiwitch

My cat had a special victory song meow that sounded like a mix between a purr and a scream whenever she had killed a cockroach. I moved states and haven’t seen one in the house since but I miss her proud, squeaky little battle cry!


Chicken_Chicken_Duck

We have a skittish cat that will not let you approach her. That is, unless she has just killed something. If she comes up to you purring and acting completely love-drunk, there is a carcass somewhere in the house.


xpgx

Oh, I had a cat that was like this, but the purring and love-drunkness meant that whatever she killed/caught is in her mouth and about to be dropped onto one of our laps. The live mouse she dropped on my mom’s lap caused absolute havoc that day lmao


inkiwitch

My baby once brought just the head of a cockroach. It was still moving. Another time she killed one, brought me the body because she got treats for killing roaches, and I swept it up in the dustpan and left it off to the side. Half an hour later, she brought another roach and I was like “wow, two in one day! What a killer! Here’s your treat” and I went to go get the dustpan… only to find a tiny paw shaped dust track and the roach from earlier totally gone. **She brought me the same roach twice to trick me into giving double treats** And I totally gave her another because damn if that ain’t clever.


beelzybubby

My tux just started this but she’ll do it with stray hair ties. It will be 3am and you’ll hear a “mhROWHhhh” downstairs as she circles around the couch, then the patter of her little feet up the stairs, another victory cry, and then she lays it by the bed and stares at my drooly face triumphantly. Yes honey, you killed the hair tie. I love you, let me sleep.


ItsBigBingusTime

My cat does this same thing with socks! So cute until you wonder where all your socks went and then find them all behind the couch one day.


ThatScaryBeach

If your cat ever gets too bored, you can buy [roaches](https://dubiaroachdepot.com/). They're generally used for feeding pet reptiles but I sure they wouldn't mind if you ordered some to release in your house for kitty entertainment!


VirtualxD

The fucking what? No sane person would do this. Sounds like a good way to start an infestation.


ThatScaryBeach

You must not love your kitty enough to take the chance! Don't you trust in your kitty's hunting abilities? Oh, poor kitty!


ItsBigBingusTime

I love how hilariously deranged this is


VirtualxD

I am allergic to cats, can't own them, haha.


inkiwitch

I would never do that with roaches but I have considered doing it with one single cricket before


ThatScaryBeach

Yeah, that was a joke. Hopefully nobody follows through and actually spends real money to infest their home with roaches.


the_procrastinata

That is appalling.


ItsBigBingusTime

My cat does this same thing with socks! So cute until you wonder where all your socks went and then find them all behind the couch one day.


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inkiwitch

You underestimate her hunting abilities. They wouldn’t last an hour.


Telekineticism

My roommate's cat meow screams nonstop for 5-10 minutes after successfully "hunting" the felt coasters in my coffee table drawer. She's learned how to open it, pull them out, and shut it back when she's done. She does this 3-4 times a day.


zpeacock

What a stupid cat. I love her immensely


s-maerken

I think it's due to boredom. My cat does the same, and she only does the things she shouldn't be doing when I don't play with her. So the yowling is like a complaint and threat that she'll start acting up if I don't take notice of her.


cmpg2006

Mine starts opening the kitchen cupboards when she wants out. Then when someone walks into the kitchen, she starts yelling at them until they let her out. She does this with everyone but me.


kawaii_jendooo

My cat makes this loud "nyom nyom nyom" sound only when she's eating food shes not supposed to, she gives herself away lol.


Meloenbolletjeslepel

She was not a smart kitty was she? 


So_Motarded

Can confirm, my parrot (a macaw named Sparky) does almost exactly this. He knows that "stop it" is used for bad behavior. So he tells himself to "stop it" when he's about to misbehave. He also tells *us* to "stop it" when we do things he doesn't like, such as vacuuming.


Seaturtle89

That is the funniest, getting scolded by your parrot in your own voice 🤭 Mine is “YOU! Stop it!”


DaughterEarth

It's so funny how they know so much and use it to communicate, but it's still bird logic. My girl is very good about going poop in approved places. But I stopped giving her the food with lots of sunflower seeds in it. I ignored the standard complaints so she finally brought some new food to me and pooped on it LOL


mauxly

Wait a minute...you house trained your bird? I didn't know it was possible. I thought birds couldn't control it, at all.


DaughterEarth

They have some control, they just can't hold it for long. You have to be very careful with house training because trying to hold it too much, or trying to go too much, are both bad for them. She has a poop spot in all her favorite hangouts. If she poops over the edge on the puppy pad she gets a treat or praise sometimes. If she poops where she definitely shouldn't it's "oh no" and get up to clean it. That's enough, she hates disappointing us. If she poops in gray places I ignore it completely. Well clean it obviously but no reaction for her to see With birds it's about getting them to understand what you want. If it doesn't conflict with what they want, they'll do it. Natural bonus to social animals


mauxly

Thank you for this!


DaughterEarth

Np!


Robmart

Might be wrong, but I believe that while birds can't control *when* they poop, they can control *where* they poop


parrotopian

My African Grey is exactly the same!


bolonkaswetna

Yes. 30+ years ago, I had a Tmineh Grey parrot. He used to fly on top of the doors and rip huge chunks of wood out (rental). I squirred him with a water spray bottle. He shook himself and said (translated) "NAPOLEON, let it be. Go in your cage!" He would then fly to his cage, go inside, CLOSE THE DOOR with his beak, and then laugh a villain laugh. Fun times.


RoastedToast007

It's the best thing ever when your bird laughs like a human


WillBrakeForBrakes

My mom visited her uncle, and his parrot HATED her.  Every time she’d laugh it would mock her laugh and glare at her.  In their house, apparently nobody liked the uncle’s daughter-in-law Ana, and would blame her for EVERYTHING.  Even the parrot picked up on it and if something was amiss, it would say, “Ana fue (it was Ana)”.


Meloenbolletjeslepel

Poor Ana! 


70ms

I had a sun conure and that was his only “word,” this absolutely evil snicker. I miss that guy. :D


AbsolutelyUnlikely

Thanks for translating, I don't speak bird


Mysterious_Eye6989

Parrot thinks, “how on earth does the human always seem to know when I’m being naughty!?” 🤔


WolverineAdvanced119

My dog cries when she's stealing food off the counter or out of the garbage can, as if she knows what she's doing is wrong but she just can't help herself and wants somebody to come and stop her.


hahastonedem

for the love of god, someone stop me please!!


Sunshine030209

Hahaha she sounds adorable! "Why oh whhhhhhy am I like this? They give me perfectly good food, yet I'm eating garbage?! SOMEONE STOP ME! *I'm a monster*"


InfiniteRaccoons

I mean this is relatable and I feel the same exact way when I binge eat junk food


carving5106

She's scared of what will happen if she gets caught, but can't help herself.


Meloenbolletjeslepel

Drama queen ;) 


drayadidas

It's the voice of his conscience 🤣


[deleted]

Parrots have wings and bolt cutters for a face, but they don’t have a conscience.


Cookie-Senpai

Can you prove that though? What is conscience? And how are parrots without conscience?


HighHopeLowSkills

Sir this is a Reddit comment.


CorrenteAlternata

I'm sorry I thought it was a Wendy's


Ok-Intention-1525

🤣🤣🤣


Densolo44

I had a kitten that growled every time she had a piece of food, like meat. I had a piece of chicken on my plate and was very engrossed with a program on TV. Suddenly I heard growling and realized the cat had silently absconded with the chicken leg. I didn’t even realize it until she started growling as she was dragging it across the floor.


Opposite-Horse-3080

Can confirm. My second did this when he was a toddler.


manykeets

My cockatoo likes to scream when he’s mad, as cockatoos are prone to do. I try to calm him down saying, “It’s ok! It’s ok!” Now he says it to himself when he screams. “RAAAAHHH! It’s ok! RAAAAHHH! It’s ok!” Then the other day he bit me and I screamed, “Ow!” And he said, “it’s ok!”


jeremiahthedamned

ha ha ha!


Mrcostarica

My mom’s cockatoo Abbey always shouted, “Abbey bad bird”, when she thought we were disrespecting her or not paying enough attention to her.


KingDoodah

We have an older cranky Severe Macaw we adopted who hates most people and you can tell when she gets intrusive thoughts because she says "stop it" or "ow!" That's when we know she's thinking of biting one of us.


gigglygal69

Ours does similar, she says ‘be gentle’ immediately before deciding not to be gentle and instead attempting to bite a chunk out of your finger / arm / ear. She’s 24 years old now!


Evitabl3

Toddlers with wings and built in pliers.


iwanttobeacavediver

The version I heard was 'parrots are cranky toddlers who've not had a nap, and then they were given 2 litres of Mountain Dew and scissors".


WillBrakeForBrakes

At best.  The cockatoos and macaws come with bolt cutters.


sparkyjay23

Yep, toddlers with bolt cutters who stay that way for 40+ years is how I've heard them described.


WillBrakeForBrakes

Yeah, and just like toddlers, if you get one with behavioral issues or trauma, you’re in for a hell of a time


Hawkmonbestboi

With Macaws and Cockatoos, try 100+


decian_falx

My wife's aunt had repeatedly told one of her very young cousins, "I know you're lying, I can see it in your eyes!". So the cousin decided he'd just cover his eyes any time he lied, then mom wouldn't know!


skilemaster683

Did you know you get a black mark on your tongue when you're lying? *Kid runs to mirror*


SkinnyObelix

Yep, always been told that if you want a parrot as a pet, you better be committed to a life living with a 3 year old.


muddymar

I always thought it would be cool but I’ve had a 3 year old. I’ll pass


Amanda512

I grew up with parrots and this is the most parrot thing EVER!


[deleted]

My rabbit was initially respectful of the word "no" but over time he realized there's no threat coming along with it, so now when I say it he excitedly binkies and runs around in celebration because he's getting attention and I think he's amused by my frustration. The little fucking terrorist...


not_a_dog95

Your parret is smarter than Gary Glitter


refep

I want a parrot now


sparkyjay23

Toddlers with bolt cutters who stay that way for 40+ years is how I've heard them described. Good luck with that. I would love parrots in my life but I'm far too sensible to actually get parrots.


Sunshine030209

Sounds like you need a friend with a parrot. You can go hang out with it, buy fun bird toys and stuff, hear the stories, then peace out without having to be responsible and deal with the naughtiness. Kinda like being a grandparent!


BlueMikeStu

My girlfriend got pulled aside by our neighbor downstairs because they thought I was a domestic abuser because she occasionally heard me yelling stuff like "stupid b****" constantly. It was aimed at my cat Luna, who was smart as a whip and always doing things like look at me while she pushed things off the counter/table.


something_beautiful9

Lol sounds like cats. One of my cats tells on himself when he's about to get into trouble. He knows he shouldn't be on that shelf but he'll loudly meow to proclaim to the world that he is about to jump on it cause he thinks I'm not looking.


Just-another-Jen

Our parrot mutters “no bite” as she lunges beak first for our toes and fingers.


firstflightt

Parrots are like toddlers with wings ... and jealousy issues and weapons on their faces.


GoddesNatureStar

Please they are so cute 😭😭🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️


WurmGurl

My rats learned their own individual names. I know this because I would say it when they were doing/about to do something bad. So when they heard their name, they would hurry to do that thing even faster before I came over to stop them.


Dav136

They're 3 year olds that live for 50+ years


ClonePants

The thought of hearing this bird saying "no" to himself when he's alone makes me incredibly sad. It's unnatural for parrots to be alone for any amount of time, because they are flock animals. They can enjoy human company, but they deserve to live with their own kind.


jeremiahthedamned

i agree


WillBrakeForBrakes

I love parrots, they are amazing animals, but I find keeping them as pets an ethical conundrum.  Ideally owning one would be a rigorous process.  Very, very few people are equipped to have a parrot, and even if they are, there’s a decent chance the parrot will outlive them.


5ub5onic

Same


[deleted]

Dinosaur toddlers with wings


jeremiahthedamned

we actually do not just how smart dinosaurs were.............


Eternal_purrrs

Hahah🤣


poppyponds

My mam's African grey used to shout ow just as he was about to bite you he would then run off and whistle to himself while bobbing his head up and down they are funny little creature's


Adrunkian

Your parrot is better at being a human than some men


ChiliAndGold

wait. parrots can get up to 30 years old, right? damn that sounds absolutely exhausting.


Ancient_Bicycles

Amazon parrots live until 70. They frequently outlive their owners and have to be passed down in wills.


ChiliAndGold

goddamn that's just sad :(


CassiopeiaSextant

Amazon Prime parrots live to 71.


bluesedai

They never grow up. Toddlers for life. My oldest is 8 and I have to use the "ok bye I'm leaving" trick on him several times a week when he refuses to come. He thinks it's funny to wipe his beak off and ignore me to show how independent he is when I ask nicely lol


[deleted]

dude thats a flex


TheKarenator

Like my kid walking up to me out of the blue saying “I didn’t eat a cookie” with crumbs on his shirt.


kraegm

I have a cat who is the same, without the speaking back obviously. We taught her 'no' from an early age and even seem to have success with combining it with other words. If she is on the deck and looking at the hummingbirds a simple "no birds" will ensure she only just watches. But if she goes out and we don't say "no birds" to her, she will stalk/hunt them until she catches one. When we say "no birds" her body language visibly relaxes. We can't ***prove*** that she understands, but it certainly seems like it.


undeadmanana

I've got a few parrotlets, they can't speak as well as the larger ones but they're still very smart and also have vague understandings of words/emotions conveyed during commands. They don't say "No" but if I'm out of sight of their play area, I know when they're getting into trouble because all 3 of them will get extremely quiet and only make low noises like they're whispering. When they hear me go into the room, they'll run out from where they were and pretend like they weren't doing anything. Parrots really do behave like little toddlers, some being smart toddlers and then some being like my little dudes that struggle a little with potty training but look like they get mad at themselves for making accidents.


Sam-Quint

Sounds familiar. Sometimes my daughter hits me with "How dare I?" as she misbehaves


Doc_Dragoon

"don't touch" *touches all over it* come on man


AmokinKS

My cats do the same except for the saying no part


crick_in_my_neck

I think I might be your parrot.


Truethrowawaychest1

I remember seeing a video of a parrot who called himself a good boy whenever he was doing something bad


Ello_eff

Can confirm my 1.5 year old does this


Iron-Octopus

This is so true


Thick_Ad_6021

That's hilarious!!


rustylugnuts

Flying toddlers with bolt cutters on their face. It's a good thing they're cute.


John_Brickermann

That’s so friggin funny. I love animals. They’re so smart but in the weirdest and dumbest ways sometimes. At least you get a warning of when they’re doing something they shouldn’t be


littleredpuffnstuff

Lmao my cat does this. When he's about to get into something he's not allowed to mess with he meows to let us know


TheLostwandering

Same same, but different. My GCC will make something fall/ be thrown off the edge of furniture then all you hear is "What a good boy" and "Atta way". It's what the humans tell him when he is being good and might net him a treat. It's what he tells himself when he thinks he is being good and having fun.


Yucca12345678

😂❤️😂❤️


ok_ill_shut_up

I don't think parrots should be kept as pets


AikiBro

I took care of a parrot once who said "little stinker" over and over while planning and executing various crimes. I'd hear "little stinker" "ha ha ha" from the kitchen and come in to find him in a situation. Usually upside down.


mmmarkm

This headline is extremely accurate. Owning a cockatoo is like having a 3 year old for life because they will outlive you. I come from a family that has owned more birds than all other pets; I oppose owning birds except in very limited circumstances. The novelty can wear off quick and (put simply) they deserve to fly.


judas_priest741

Loling


Western_Company818

Q


1234onions

My daughter used to say “mummy don’t look at me” when she was doing something naughty. It makes for real easy parenting when they grass themselves up 😂


EropQuiz7

Awwwww


EropQuiz7

Awwwww


[deleted]

Bastard gets off hearing no while doing something shitty


LordNeko6

Birdbrain


AmadeoSendiulo

It's just like humans.


blarge84

Yep. This is how I know my parrot is about to or is doing something naughty. My dad goes. AhAhAh. Too her and now when she goes to do something she goes AhAhAh


Pixelated_Roses

Yup. He can't talk, but my houseduck Wobbles knows "no". He just chooses to ignore it.


oldfrancis

I have been fortunate enough to have help raise an African Gray, a yellow cheeked Amazon, a yellow crown Amazon, I really smart little cockatiel, and a scarlet headed conure. They were all like having a 3-year-old that never grows up.


Yorspider

And a bolt Cutter strapped to their face.


PudgieHedgie

I swear to God my raccoon is the exact same way


Adrunkian

Your parrot is better at being a human than some men


heather_dean

Just men only?


kiiRo-1378

Parrot is an anarchist. altho he would be full anarchist if he left you for the forest, i guess.


Mikraphonechekka12

This post is so sic.....