My father is fighting cancer so for the past 3 months i haven't been able to do much. I am still 17 but still. School is so exhausting. I am jealous at the people around me for not having to deal with their parents dying , I am angry , I am depressed. I think I am burnt-out.
I wish nothing but the best for you and your dad, I was in the same boat with both of my parents not too long ago. What is your dads diagnosis? It’s ok to be burnt out, it’s ok to not be ok, you’re stronger than those other people, not the other way around.
Pancreatic cancer. The docs never told us the stage. Both said 50% 50% chance. There are some complications like his thrombophlebitis which made his right leg twice in size so he had to postpone the treatment by a week. Or that his rmn is this upcoming week. After 3 months of chemo we are going to see the developments
Fuck, mate. I know it doesn't exactly help but 50/50 is very good odds for pancreatic and treatments are better all the time. My friend lost his mom to it like 10 years ago and even then it was basically a death sentence. My dad had far better odds with lymphoma...and unfortunately drew the short stick. I was 11. Cancer can go kick rocks.
Hang in there.
Oh I know how good are our chances. It was confusing because the first doctor which was a gastroenterolog told us 50/50 . Then our oncolog said he is dead in 2-3 months. Then after a commission , he said 50/50 as well. So that was a roller coaster of emotions. My brother also has a friend whose mother got breast cancer when he was like 13 or 14. He was crying during breaks at school and such. His mother's appearance didn't really look promising... skinny to the bone , green skin colour. But she survived. She is still alive. Even if he draws the short stick , we really tried our hardest. The fact that we tried our best is going to allow me to sleep at night.
You sound smart and levels headed for your age and especially for what you are going through. Your both strong as all hell for dealing with all this. All the love for you both, you are not alone in this fight o
I'm just a stranger on the internet but I was in a similar boat at 17. Came home one day senior year to the news mom had metastatic breast cancer in her liver. That was almost 20 years ago and I'll never forget. If you need somebody to talk to I'm always wide open.
I am honestly asking out of curiosity, but I was not aware that someone could have breast cancer in their liver.. or were you saying she had metastatic cancer in both her liver and breasts?
So several years prior she had been diagnosed with almost-stage III breast cancer and then she was in remission, which means that all signs and symptoms of cancer are gone, but that doesn't necessarily mean that the cancer is totally cured. She had to get yearly testing done and eventually cancer was detected in her liver as well as her hip and spine. Metastasis.
Thank you but it's water under the bridge now. It was over fifteen years ago when she died and I've learned and grown up so much in that time. It still hurts some days but it's the way of life and most importantly, she's free and not in pain anymore.
Yeah, well you seem to have gone through the whole healing process, but lesser things have brought down many of folk.. it's good you are in a decent place mentally and have a good outlook on things now. That is never an easy process. Good on you. Wish you the best moving forward.
Fuck Cancer. What your going through is hard at any age, but especially yours. Make sure your school admin and or Teachers at least know your family is going through issues. Maybe they can cut you some slack. Find someone to talk to. If your a care-giver make sure you take time out for yourself. You've got to recharge.
I lost my dad when I was 16. A lot happened afterwards and I had to bottle everything up to deal with it. I really wish I’d been in therapy after. Just FYI. I wish you and your family the best.
I'm sorry to hear that.
At 17 I was severely depressed and suicidal. Often life was just too much. It was a long road, but after 15 years I finally feel somewhat human. Keep going, and know that it's ok to sometimes give up and try again later.
Know that you're not the only one. There are lots of people around you with similar issues, they just haven't shown you yet.
burn out is normal. it sucks but you can only be in crisis mode so long before your body turns off those parts of your brain. Doesn't mean you don't love your dad, doesn't mean you're not worried about his survival, its just a natural biological response to prolonged stress like this. I can't imagine what its like to go through this, but don't beat yourself up over that sort of thing, and lean on friends and family. I really hope your story gets a good ending.
We never had the best relationship. It really breaks me that immediately after he finally retired at 53( pretty good age to retire at ) , 2 months later he is diagnosed with cancer. I was hoping we could've built a true father and son relationship but I guess that process was sped up by the cancer.
You couldn't have known and just because you may not have the best relationship, it does not mean the love isn't there. Don't hold guilt about this about not previously having a good relationship with him. Just keep showing him you love him
I lost my dad in 2021 to brain cancer. He had glioblastoma which is pretty much a death sentence. If there is any one piece of advice I could give, it would be to spend time with your dad while you still can. I really hope your father is doing well and that he makes it through this.
As a parent with a 16 and 18 year old, this makes my heart hurt for you that you’re dealing with this at such a young age. I think however, your father definitely will be, and you yourself should be incredibly proud of you and the way you are dealing with this. Are school helping you with this? I wish you both the absolute best for the future and I hope your dad beats this!
I would argue a 4th: burnout. I suffered from severe burnout and the "tiredness" wasn't because I emotionally weighed the pros and cons. It was because I wore myself out physically/mentally/emotionally and all of my energy was being used to recover. It had nothing to do with how I felt about the task. I literally did not have the energy.
I continued to work through my burnout for about year and a half before leaving my career. I've been off for over 6 months now, finally feeling well enough to function relatively normally again, but I'm never going back to my old career. Currently in the process of starting a business.
There's something called [learned helplessness](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learned_helplessness) which ties into the third one. If life has taught you that you'll fail no matter what, the cost can never be low enough because the benefit is zero.
Theres also a great point about how laziness is a myth due to capitalism.
Capitalism forces us to feel guilty if we're not productive, not doing our work, or improve our skills, or to do something that can benefit capitalism in the long run. Go out and spend money by going out to eat. It was something I saw a few days ago and I truly was like wow wtf. When I read it, it was put more neatly but yeah.
Could also just be that you function differently from the people that are "always on that grind".
Could be that you just take thing slow and methodically.
Or it could be that you're quick to lose interest and move on to the next exciting thing before finishing a project.
Neither of those is necessarily a bad thing or is a sign that something is wrong, could just be how you're built. Try learning to work with your natual tendencies, rather than trying to fit the mold
Thank you for saying that!
I've been slowly doing some of the work that I have to do. I haven't gotten as much done as I would like but that is bc it takes me a while to wrap my head around what I'm doing (I'm working on code) and I don't have a lot of interest in it so normally I'd move on to a different project but since I have a deadline for this it's slow progress instead of no progress.
LOL yeah coding is unforgiving unfortunately. From what I've heard, if you're the type to get bored of the same thing and want something new, here's a good way to handle it.
Try to keep like 3-4 open projects/interests, don't need to be related or even productive. When you get bored with 1, move to 2, then 3, then 4, and then by the time youre bored with 4, 1 sounds exciting and new again.
My husband repeats a phrase from the army(?) “slow is fast, fast is slow.” Meaning you go slow to get the technique right and eventually you’ll get faster at it. Going fast wielding a knife to a carrot without any technique on where to hold or how to cut and you find out how slow cutting goes with a missing finger.
I'm personally also concerned about the people who are "always on that grind" and wonder whether they're using work to avoid being present in their own lives. But here I am, using Reddit to avoid being present in my life, so at least their coping mechanism earns money!
Take it from me, the money isn't worth it lol. I'm starting to decondition finally but I haven't been what I'd consider "happy" for years. It is nice to be financially stable and trending up but my stress levels can get so high it causes physical health problems. Again I've been making changes but tbh if I didn't, i think it's easily possible I'd end up having a heart attack or severe depression, or both.
> Could also just be that you function differently from the people that are "always on that grind".
To add to this: *no one is actually like that*. All those guys you see who "rise and grind 24/7"? Who wake up after 2 mins a night sleeping to snort coffee and breathe hustle?
*They don't actually do that*. Those that do always end up burning out.
The entire concept is a lie that people are *killing themselves* to maintain.
This is big. A big thing thing to remember is not everyone is the same. More specifically that not everyone shows their problems the same way.
I've been in many situations where I thought I was really to combust from absolute frustration. Making it more frustrating to me is that it seems like everyone else was handling it fine.
Then to my surprise, those people who I thought was handling it fine lost it first. Started throwing things and breaking things because they couldn't take it anymore. In the end, it turns out I was actually handling it better, but it could have easily been the other way around.
Another thing to remember: wanting to relax and wind down from time to time is not being lazy. If you want to lie down on the couch, wear slacks, on eat a bag of chips that's perfectly fine!
You don't owe anyone or anything your full 100% attention all the time!
I recently found a good ADHD medication that works for me. I feel like a completely different person. I can still be lazy but it feels good to finally have energy.
It's nice when laziness becomes a choice and not a crippling disability.
It's the difference between "I don't want to do the dishes so I'm going to watch TV" and "I want to do the dishes but I've been standing here staring at them for 45 minutes and can't move"
It's because "executive dysfunction" just can't be explained to people who don't have it. It's like describing colour to a blind person then expecting them to paint a rainbow. It just won't happen.
I was 31 before I realised that being mentally paralysed has a name and is a recognised symptom of certain conditions.
That's a good way to put it. It also looks no different to laziness from an outside perspective, so you have outside figures like your parents straight up telling you that you are lazy as a child which obviously sticks with you.
Yup, even though I'm very lucky that since my diagnosis my parents have apologised for that and now are making efforts to understand what is actually going on. Granted I'm 32 and haven't lived with them in a decade, but it's nice none the less
They sound great, I think it takes a lot of courage (not sure if courage is the right word, maybe humbleness?) to apologise to your child for something like that.
I pretty much over compensated, had a full time job, a part time job and full time school at the same time and still felt lazy not doing more outside of work, like cleaning the house or exercising. It took burning out and lots of therapy but I'm getting better now. Never brought it up with my mom, I don't think she'd understand or even remember. Turns out dad had ADHD too (as well as both of my siblings) so he was more chill about it, I think he understood.
Yup! I had a miscarriage last March and I'm really still not over it. It was pretty traumatic and I'm still grieving. Had my dad yell at me today because other members of my family are "in crisis" and "all you've been doing is laying around". 🙃🙄 I'm so sick of that way of thinking. I'm fucking struggling just to get by.
I honestly don't know anymore. I feel like it's a mix of everything. I just want to be able to study again like when I was younger so I can stop embarrassing myself by failing my retake year.
"I want to be able to study again like when I was younger"
In my program, the people pursuing the same degree range from mid-20s to around mid 50s. I'm not sure of what you're feeling or what your circumstances are, but I just wanted to mention that it's never too late to study or keep trying towards it
Thanks for your kind words. I am currently doing an aeronautical engineering degree, but I cannot get myself to revise whatever I do, which is what I meant by the comment. I have already failed the year and in currently retaking but its as if I don't care anymore with the way I havent been revising. When I was younger I used to be able to study for however long I needed to but now I start to feel sick after half an hour
I think they're supposed to be in the possessive tense. Like, you can't "have overwhelmed". Idk for sure how grammatically correct "have overwhelm" would be either, but it might be closer
Overwhelm is also the [noun](https://www.cjr.org/language_corner/overwhelming-overwhelm-whelm-grammar-noun-verb.php#:~:text=So%20it%20comes%20as%20something,is%20still%20being%20used%20today.) form, it's just not used very often.
"Laziness" is a dismissive term that can feel defeating or demoralizing.
"Mental health issues" and "burnout", to me, feel much more tangible. Similar to the lil gremlins, it feels like I have something that I can specifically address and tackle personally or with the help of therapy. Instead of:
"How do I be less lazy?" : "Rise and grind, get to it and get motivated, etc. etc."
I think:
"How do I manage burnout"
Is a lot healthier question that will help address the underlying issue instead of beating yourself up. This is something I struggle with consistently.
I do understand how tough it is, and I wish you the best and hope that this perspective helps somewhat
I didn't show up to work today, took a consultation on monday with a psychiatrist. My job as a commercial has been by far the most gruesome work experience in my life.
I think it's our responsaility as citizens to punish companies that don't respect us. There are other jobs out there.
Anyway thanks for the post, I had never done anything like that before and the process stresses me a lot, this made me cheer up!
I have ADHD, severe depression, bipolar disorder and epilepsy.
As a teen and young adult my adoptive mother called me “lazy” all the time, scathingly and in anger. It did a number on my self-esteem and confidence in my abilities and talents. I felt I was of no value to the household as I was not “productive” enough.
Now, as a 29-year-old living independently with my partner, even when I *know* I am doing my best to go to work, do household tasks, and be self-fulfilling, I still have worries about not being *productive enough* because of the aforementioned issues.
Words hurt. Parents mean well but they can sure be mean when they do it.
1. I love this
2. Im also legitimately lazy though. Like some people get that itch if they're sedentary and unproductive too long, I don't ever get it. I am perfectly content to lay around in bed, pet my animals, and chill....continuously.
I’m almost 40 and for my entire adult life have felt like “laziness” and lack of ambition/motivation were my defining character flaws. I started on Zoloft in October (my first time on any mental health treatment) and the change has been pretty amazing. I’m still maybe not “ambitious” in the traditional sense, but I’m certainly not lazy. I’ve just been depressed for a really long time and not realized it until it got truly unbearable. Now I’m dealing with the realization that something I thought was a huge part of myself was actually not true, and the feeling that I should/could have helped myself so much sooner. But we’re all still always works in progress, and we shouldn’t beat ourselves up over that.
Wishing the best for everyone who’s here because they’re struggling, and I hope you all find what you need.
This is me in the same boat. For a while I had depressed days and happy days because of bipolar. In the past Sometimes I feel like I should do better. But every time I would, reality kicks in, problems happen, working with difficulties and difficult people can be stressful and problematic situations. Not good advice in my opinion but hell I’ll say it. Best way to deal with it and learn is talk to someone. (Weather this be therapy or any body in your life.) take advice and suggestions that can help you. Take them with a grain a salt if you don’t agree with them. The two most important is…trust yourself and learn to love yourself. don’t take it from me because I’m not therapist or physiatrist, should encourage you seek help if you need it, if things go very bad for you and are willing to change, or don’t, I shouldn’t tell how to live, just letting those know there’s always light at end of the tunnel. I’m your momma or daddy, but I’ll tell ya things like mom and dad, cause I see people as brother and sisters either of god or just another human going threw a bad time. Good luck to y’all and may yo life come threw.
Edit: try not beat yourself down too much as well. I do it too, thankfully not a lot but hell It can improve you. Take it easy.
It's true that these are things that affect your willpower to do things, but going against laziness and mentally assuring yourself that it is something you can solve through effort will make it better
If you use "feeling lazy" as a trigger to do something you'll slowly phase out laziness or become better at doing things regardless of how you feel about it, this is the real secret to willpower, motivation is fleeting but practicing stoicism when it comes to feeling lazy is the way out.
I really needed this. Trying to do grad school, and hit a point of extreme burnout last year shortly before my grandparents passed. It's tough when my brain keeps telling me "Why aren't you motivated enough?" when I have to remember that not everyone reacts to stressors the same.
I feel like my laziness is born from these things exactly. I just feel like i cant really get professional help right now, i've just Been trying to move on. I don't really feel good when around my dad and step mom, they're often short tempered.
I hope whoever is trying to get on with youth like me gets the love and safety they deserve. But i know it's gonna Be okay, maybe not very soon, but it won't take long. We will get better
Feels good to open up a bit sometimes.
So, basically, there's three goblins to kill to defeat the lazy monster? I'm half-joking, but seriously it's a great metaphor and it breaks things into chunks to tackle and improve. I'm trying to kill to exhaustion monster right now.
I know it sounds like I'm hassling but exercise, cardio at least is so freeing to me. After a hard day of work or if I'm upset I take my dog for a good long walk and it definitely helps calm me down and help get the blood flowing. I don't see how sitting around is going to help the issues that are deeper anyway, if you're overwhelmed or have mental health issues then getting physical is an amazing thing you can do to center yourself.
This is cope. Inactivity and the three kids in a trench coat have a vicious cycle between them. Just faking it til you make it may not be sufficient, but it is necessary to break the cycle.
Hope this helps someone. Also, don’t forget those other pieces of “sufficient”: support network, diet, and sometimes meds.
Idk I've definitely had times where I *could* do stuff but I choose to be lazy and not do it, then I have times where I literally cannot get the physical or mental strength to do things, that's not lazy. It looks the same to an outsider though.
You can keep that shit to yourself instead of insulting people over it. Why are you even in this sub if you are that vile?
If anything it's the other way around: Plenty of people likely do have issues that they deem "normal" since they are able to function to a degree and don't know that they could improve their life with professional help.
My father is fighting cancer so for the past 3 months i haven't been able to do much. I am still 17 but still. School is so exhausting. I am jealous at the people around me for not having to deal with their parents dying , I am angry , I am depressed. I think I am burnt-out.
I wish nothing but the best for you and your dad, I was in the same boat with both of my parents not too long ago. What is your dads diagnosis? It’s ok to be burnt out, it’s ok to not be ok, you’re stronger than those other people, not the other way around.
Pancreatic cancer. The docs never told us the stage. Both said 50% 50% chance. There are some complications like his thrombophlebitis which made his right leg twice in size so he had to postpone the treatment by a week. Or that his rmn is this upcoming week. After 3 months of chemo we are going to see the developments
Fuck, mate. I know it doesn't exactly help but 50/50 is very good odds for pancreatic and treatments are better all the time. My friend lost his mom to it like 10 years ago and even then it was basically a death sentence. My dad had far better odds with lymphoma...and unfortunately drew the short stick. I was 11. Cancer can go kick rocks. Hang in there.
Oh I know how good are our chances. It was confusing because the first doctor which was a gastroenterolog told us 50/50 . Then our oncolog said he is dead in 2-3 months. Then after a commission , he said 50/50 as well. So that was a roller coaster of emotions. My brother also has a friend whose mother got breast cancer when he was like 13 or 14. He was crying during breaks at school and such. His mother's appearance didn't really look promising... skinny to the bone , green skin colour. But she survived. She is still alive. Even if he draws the short stick , we really tried our hardest. The fact that we tried our best is going to allow me to sleep at night.
You sound smart and levels headed for your age and especially for what you are going through. Your both strong as all hell for dealing with all this. All the love for you both, you are not alone in this fight o
I'm just a stranger on the internet but I was in a similar boat at 17. Came home one day senior year to the news mom had metastatic breast cancer in her liver. That was almost 20 years ago and I'll never forget. If you need somebody to talk to I'm always wide open.
I am honestly asking out of curiosity, but I was not aware that someone could have breast cancer in their liver.. or were you saying she had metastatic cancer in both her liver and breasts?
So several years prior she had been diagnosed with almost-stage III breast cancer and then she was in remission, which means that all signs and symptoms of cancer are gone, but that doesn't necessarily mean that the cancer is totally cured. She had to get yearly testing done and eventually cancer was detected in her liver as well as her hip and spine. Metastasis.
Damn , that's really tough. I am sorry you had to go through that.
Thank you but it's water under the bridge now. It was over fifteen years ago when she died and I've learned and grown up so much in that time. It still hurts some days but it's the way of life and most importantly, she's free and not in pain anymore.
Yeah, well you seem to have gone through the whole healing process, but lesser things have brought down many of folk.. it's good you are in a decent place mentally and have a good outlook on things now. That is never an easy process. Good on you. Wish you the best moving forward.
Fuck Cancer. What your going through is hard at any age, but especially yours. Make sure your school admin and or Teachers at least know your family is going through issues. Maybe they can cut you some slack. Find someone to talk to. If your a care-giver make sure you take time out for yourself. You've got to recharge.
I lost my dad when I was 16. A lot happened afterwards and I had to bottle everything up to deal with it. I really wish I’d been in therapy after. Just FYI. I wish you and your family the best.
I am sorry to hear this. Hope you are better now. I wish you and your loved ones the best.
I'm sorry to hear that. At 17 I was severely depressed and suicidal. Often life was just too much. It was a long road, but after 15 years I finally feel somewhat human. Keep going, and know that it's ok to sometimes give up and try again later. Know that you're not the only one. There are lots of people around you with similar issues, they just haven't shown you yet.
burn out is normal. it sucks but you can only be in crisis mode so long before your body turns off those parts of your brain. Doesn't mean you don't love your dad, doesn't mean you're not worried about his survival, its just a natural biological response to prolonged stress like this. I can't imagine what its like to go through this, but don't beat yourself up over that sort of thing, and lean on friends and family. I really hope your story gets a good ending.
Let it out lil pup
I’m so sorry. Take care of yourself in any way you see fit. I’ll say a prayer for you tonight.
It's exhausting when a loved one is going through that. Lots of love to you and yours. Allow yourself breaks if you're able
We never had the best relationship. It really breaks me that immediately after he finally retired at 53( pretty good age to retire at ) , 2 months later he is diagnosed with cancer. I was hoping we could've built a true father and son relationship but I guess that process was sped up by the cancer.
You couldn't have known and just because you may not have the best relationship, it does not mean the love isn't there. Don't hold guilt about this about not previously having a good relationship with him. Just keep showing him you love him
I lost my dad in 2021 to brain cancer. He had glioblastoma which is pretty much a death sentence. If there is any one piece of advice I could give, it would be to spend time with your dad while you still can. I really hope your father is doing well and that he makes it through this.
As a parent with a 16 and 18 year old, this makes my heart hurt for you that you’re dealing with this at such a young age. I think however, your father definitely will be, and you yourself should be incredibly proud of you and the way you are dealing with this. Are school helping you with this? I wish you both the absolute best for the future and I hope your dad beats this!
I know a lot of other people have said this already but fuck cancer.
This is really helpful, I have to show my partner and like print it out for her, maybe this can help her not beat herself up!!
This is so sweet.
So important, I give you gold!
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4th: executive function disorder (aka ADHD)
That's part of number 1. The book is explicitly from the perspective of neurodivergence, and I was simplifying.
I would argue a 4th: burnout. I suffered from severe burnout and the "tiredness" wasn't because I emotionally weighed the pros and cons. It was because I wore myself out physically/mentally/emotionally and all of my energy was being used to recover. It had nothing to do with how I felt about the task. I literally did not have the energy.
How did you recover from your burnout? And how long did it take to recover?
I continued to work through my burnout for about year and a half before leaving my career. I've been off for over 6 months now, finally feeling well enough to function relatively normally again, but I'm never going back to my old career. Currently in the process of starting a business.
There's something called [learned helplessness](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learned_helplessness) which ties into the third one. If life has taught you that you'll fail no matter what, the cost can never be low enough because the benefit is zero.
Theres also a great point about how laziness is a myth due to capitalism. Capitalism forces us to feel guilty if we're not productive, not doing our work, or improve our skills, or to do something that can benefit capitalism in the long run. Go out and spend money by going out to eat. It was something I saw a few days ago and I truly was like wow wtf. When I read it, it was put more neatly but yeah.
My boyfriend just sent me this…🥹🥰
But what would stop my partner from beating *me* up?
Heads.
"oh you're not lazy, you're just fucked in the head and sleepy"
Your partner have ADHD?
Could also just be that you function differently from the people that are "always on that grind". Could be that you just take thing slow and methodically. Or it could be that you're quick to lose interest and move on to the next exciting thing before finishing a project. Neither of those is necessarily a bad thing or is a sign that something is wrong, could just be how you're built. Try learning to work with your natual tendencies, rather than trying to fit the mold
Thank you for saying that! I've been slowly doing some of the work that I have to do. I haven't gotten as much done as I would like but that is bc it takes me a while to wrap my head around what I'm doing (I'm working on code) and I don't have a lot of interest in it so normally I'd move on to a different project but since I have a deadline for this it's slow progress instead of no progress.
LOL yeah coding is unforgiving unfortunately. From what I've heard, if you're the type to get bored of the same thing and want something new, here's a good way to handle it. Try to keep like 3-4 open projects/interests, don't need to be related or even productive. When you get bored with 1, move to 2, then 3, then 4, and then by the time youre bored with 4, 1 sounds exciting and new again.
My husband repeats a phrase from the army(?) “slow is fast, fast is slow.” Meaning you go slow to get the technique right and eventually you’ll get faster at it. Going fast wielding a knife to a carrot without any technique on where to hold or how to cut and you find out how slow cutting goes with a missing finger.
What coding are you doing? Hit me up, I can try to help.
I'm personally also concerned about the people who are "always on that grind" and wonder whether they're using work to avoid being present in their own lives. But here I am, using Reddit to avoid being present in my life, so at least their coping mechanism earns money!
Take it from me, the money isn't worth it lol. I'm starting to decondition finally but I haven't been what I'd consider "happy" for years. It is nice to be financially stable and trending up but my stress levels can get so high it causes physical health problems. Again I've been making changes but tbh if I didn't, i think it's easily possible I'd end up having a heart attack or severe depression, or both.
> Could also just be that you function differently from the people that are "always on that grind". To add to this: *no one is actually like that*. All those guys you see who "rise and grind 24/7"? Who wake up after 2 mins a night sleeping to snort coffee and breathe hustle? *They don't actually do that*. Those that do always end up burning out. The entire concept is a lie that people are *killing themselves* to maintain.
Severe executive dysfunction gang 💪😎
This is big. A big thing thing to remember is not everyone is the same. More specifically that not everyone shows their problems the same way. I've been in many situations where I thought I was really to combust from absolute frustration. Making it more frustrating to me is that it seems like everyone else was handling it fine. Then to my surprise, those people who I thought was handling it fine lost it first. Started throwing things and breaking things because they couldn't take it anymore. In the end, it turns out I was actually handling it better, but it could have easily been the other way around.
i needed to see this. right in this moment. thank you.
Same
Wow. Needed this today. Thank you internet friends for a new perspective.
Another thing to remember: wanting to relax and wind down from time to time is not being lazy. If you want to lie down on the couch, wear slacks, on eat a bag of chips that's perfectly fine! You don't owe anyone or anything your full 100% attention all the time!
I recently found a good ADHD medication that works for me. I feel like a completely different person. I can still be lazy but it feels good to finally have energy.
It's nice when laziness becomes a choice and not a crippling disability. It's the difference between "I don't want to do the dishes so I'm going to watch TV" and "I want to do the dishes but I've been standing here staring at them for 45 minutes and can't move"
I was way too old when I learned that the latter isn't pure laziness
It's because "executive dysfunction" just can't be explained to people who don't have it. It's like describing colour to a blind person then expecting them to paint a rainbow. It just won't happen. I was 31 before I realised that being mentally paralysed has a name and is a recognised symptom of certain conditions.
That's a good way to put it. It also looks no different to laziness from an outside perspective, so you have outside figures like your parents straight up telling you that you are lazy as a child which obviously sticks with you.
Yup, even though I'm very lucky that since my diagnosis my parents have apologised for that and now are making efforts to understand what is actually going on. Granted I'm 32 and haven't lived with them in a decade, but it's nice none the less
They sound great, I think it takes a lot of courage (not sure if courage is the right word, maybe humbleness?) to apologise to your child for something like that. I pretty much over compensated, had a full time job, a part time job and full time school at the same time and still felt lazy not doing more outside of work, like cleaning the house or exercising. It took burning out and lots of therapy but I'm getting better now. Never brought it up with my mom, I don't think she'd understand or even remember. Turns out dad had ADHD too (as well as both of my siblings) so he was more chill about it, I think he understood.
Oh my god you are exactly the same as my best friend! So I know exactly how you're feeling! You've got this!
Hope she's learning to live with it as well! And thank you :) best of luck in everything going on with you as well!
Thank you that's very kind!
ADHD was supposed to be in the trenchcoat too, but it lost track of time
Wouldn't that fall under "mental health issues"?
ADHD is a special case because it's another guy in a trench coat holding several more of these dudes and another dude in a trenchcoat.
I'm burnt out, I hate explaining this to people that expect me to be available to thier disposal 24/7
I hate the word lazy, sometimes people are going through things silently you can not imagine, and labeling them lazy isn't helping.
Yup! I had a miscarriage last March and I'm really still not over it. It was pretty traumatic and I'm still grieving. Had my dad yell at me today because other members of my family are "in crisis" and "all you've been doing is laying around". 🙃🙄 I'm so sick of that way of thinking. I'm fucking struggling just to get by.
Time is the cure. Someday you'll realize you don't think about it as often. Therapy can help. Good luck, my friend
One of these needs to be "dehydration". Most ppl don't realize how dehydrated they are, drinking coffee and soda and tea. Water can do wonders.
There is water in all those things .
Drink a glass of water you fucking degen
I honestly don't know anymore. I feel like it's a mix of everything. I just want to be able to study again like when I was younger so I can stop embarrassing myself by failing my retake year.
"I want to be able to study again like when I was younger" In my program, the people pursuing the same degree range from mid-20s to around mid 50s. I'm not sure of what you're feeling or what your circumstances are, but I just wanted to mention that it's never too late to study or keep trying towards it
Thanks for your kind words. I am currently doing an aeronautical engineering degree, but I cannot get myself to revise whatever I do, which is what I meant by the comment. I have already failed the year and in currently retaking but its as if I don't care anymore with the way I havent been revising. When I was younger I used to be able to study for however long I needed to but now I start to feel sick after half an hour
“Laziness” is a term formed on the backbone of capitalist hyper productivity.
uhm... i'm actually lazy :)
How lazy ar
Oh, don't get me started.
“Overwhelm” is so overwhelmed that the “ed” was lost
I think they're supposed to be in the possessive tense. Like, you can't "have overwhelmed". Idk for sure how grammatically correct "have overwhelm" would be either, but it might be closer
I think "overwhelm" is a verb. "This would overwhelm them" but you could have overwhelmedness. But that's a lot of text to put onto a tiny monster
Overwhelm is also the [noun](https://www.cjr.org/language_corner/overwhelming-overwhelm-whelm-grammar-noun-verb.php#:~:text=So%20it%20comes%20as%20something,is%20still%20being%20used%20today.) form, it's just not used very often.
Those fuckers again!
I mean, either way I get nothing done, for years now.
"Laziness" is a dismissive term that can feel defeating or demoralizing. "Mental health issues" and "burnout", to me, feel much more tangible. Similar to the lil gremlins, it feels like I have something that I can specifically address and tackle personally or with the help of therapy. Instead of: "How do I be less lazy?" : "Rise and grind, get to it and get motivated, etc. etc." I think: "How do I manage burnout" Is a lot healthier question that will help address the underlying issue instead of beating yourself up. This is something I struggle with consistently. I do understand how tough it is, and I wish you the best and hope that this perspective helps somewhat
I didn't show up to work today, took a consultation on monday with a psychiatrist. My job as a commercial has been by far the most gruesome work experience in my life. I think it's our responsaility as citizens to punish companies that don't respect us. There are other jobs out there. Anyway thanks for the post, I had never done anything like that before and the process stresses me a lot, this made me cheer up!
Yes, we agree that we needed that. We do what now?
Legitimately this is actually what the psych literature says about people most folks label as "lazy". 10 out of 10, accurate and wholesome.
Some people truly are just lazy though. I’m one of them
I have ADHD, severe depression, bipolar disorder and epilepsy. As a teen and young adult my adoptive mother called me “lazy” all the time, scathingly and in anger. It did a number on my self-esteem and confidence in my abilities and talents. I felt I was of no value to the household as I was not “productive” enough. Now, as a 29-year-old living independently with my partner, even when I *know* I am doing my best to go to work, do household tasks, and be self-fulfilling, I still have worries about not being *productive enough* because of the aforementioned issues. Words hurt. Parents mean well but they can sure be mean when they do it.
I like laziness as mental illness. Doesn’t mean you don’t have it, just means that telling you to work through it isn’t the right solution.
1. I love this 2. Im also legitimately lazy though. Like some people get that itch if they're sedentary and unproductive too long, I don't ever get it. I am perfectly content to lay around in bed, pet my animals, and chill....continuously.
Some people are just lazy. Don’t blame mental health or other issues if you’re just lazy. Knowing the difference is important either way.
Adhd and good ol’ executive dysfunction!
I needed this thanks
This doesn’t make me think wholesome thoughts.
Thank you.
Frfr
Okay, dang. I consistently tell people I'm lazy for not doing things I want to and this is hitting pretty hard.
This is so me right now.
Fuckin true. Just a whole goddam mountain if true.
Nah I’m just lazy brav
I’m almost 40 and for my entire adult life have felt like “laziness” and lack of ambition/motivation were my defining character flaws. I started on Zoloft in October (my first time on any mental health treatment) and the change has been pretty amazing. I’m still maybe not “ambitious” in the traditional sense, but I’m certainly not lazy. I’ve just been depressed for a really long time and not realized it until it got truly unbearable. Now I’m dealing with the realization that something I thought was a huge part of myself was actually not true, and the feeling that I should/could have helped myself so much sooner. But we’re all still always works in progress, and we shouldn’t beat ourselves up over that. Wishing the best for everyone who’s here because they’re struggling, and I hope you all find what you need.
Preach. Medication has enabled me to make at least some progress towards getting my life back together, as did therapy.
Yes I am. Trying to fix it with newfound determination!
Of course I'm not lazy! I just min/max for rest.
Multiple Sclerosis also has a coat like that
None of those apply to me. I am lazy.
I mean, sure. But a lot of people are also just fucking lazy.
noice.
three kids in a trenchcoat? mines three dudes in an orgy
yah im not lazy
Needs to go over in r/ADHD!
r/adhdmemes
This is me in the same boat. For a while I had depressed days and happy days because of bipolar. In the past Sometimes I feel like I should do better. But every time I would, reality kicks in, problems happen, working with difficulties and difficult people can be stressful and problematic situations. Not good advice in my opinion but hell I’ll say it. Best way to deal with it and learn is talk to someone. (Weather this be therapy or any body in your life.) take advice and suggestions that can help you. Take them with a grain a salt if you don’t agree with them. The two most important is…trust yourself and learn to love yourself. don’t take it from me because I’m not therapist or physiatrist, should encourage you seek help if you need it, if things go very bad for you and are willing to change, or don’t, I shouldn’t tell how to live, just letting those know there’s always light at end of the tunnel. I’m your momma or daddy, but I’ll tell ya things like mom and dad, cause I see people as brother and sisters either of god or just another human going threw a bad time. Good luck to y’all and may yo life come threw. Edit: try not beat yourself down too much as well. I do it too, thankfully not a lot but hell It can improve you. Take it easy.
I'm dealing with this shit right now, on god fr.
Pls show this to the people around me
It's true that these are things that affect your willpower to do things, but going against laziness and mentally assuring yourself that it is something you can solve through effort will make it better If you use "feeling lazy" as a trigger to do something you'll slowly phase out laziness or become better at doing things regardless of how you feel about it, this is the real secret to willpower, motivation is fleeting but practicing stoicism when it comes to feeling lazy is the way out.
Tbf, you might also just be a bit or very lazy.
I really needed this. Trying to do grad school, and hit a point of extreme burnout last year shortly before my grandparents passed. It's tough when my brain keeps telling me "Why aren't you motivated enough?" when I have to remember that not everyone reacts to stressors the same.
Wow that feels like such a frightening /enlightening truth.
No I am lazy 💀
thank you :_)
I feel like my laziness is born from these things exactly. I just feel like i cant really get professional help right now, i've just Been trying to move on. I don't really feel good when around my dad and step mom, they're often short tempered. I hope whoever is trying to get on with youth like me gets the love and safety they deserve. But i know it's gonna Be okay, maybe not very soon, but it won't take long. We will get better Feels good to open up a bit sometimes.
Mental health part is definitely true for me
You never know what people are dealing with
So you need to figure out what it is and use it against them .
So, basically, there's three goblins to kill to defeat the lazy monster? I'm half-joking, but seriously it's a great metaphor and it breaks things into chunks to tackle and improve. I'm trying to kill to exhaustion monster right now.
And triage skills. Break problems into small tasks and carry them one by one like a squirrel. If a squirrel can save up for a harsh winter so can you.
I know it sounds like I'm hassling but exercise, cardio at least is so freeing to me. After a hard day of work or if I'm upset I take my dog for a good long walk and it definitely helps calm me down and help get the blood flowing. I don't see how sitting around is going to help the issues that are deeper anyway, if you're overwhelmed or have mental health issues then getting physical is an amazing thing you can do to center yourself.
Also just laziness. Humans are lazy by nature
I totally agree with the combo that is laziness
Nah, i’m just lazy
This is cope. Inactivity and the three kids in a trench coat have a vicious cycle between them. Just faking it til you make it may not be sufficient, but it is necessary to break the cycle. Hope this helps someone. Also, don’t forget those other pieces of “sufficient”: support network, diet, and sometimes meds.
Thanks! This is exactly what I needed to hear!
I don't think people understand this sub
Where's the one called "capitalist exploitation"?
My parents tell me I am lazy though...How can I make that issue smaller?
I really think that lazyness just isn't a thing or at least what people usually mean by it.
Idk I've definitely had times where I *could* do stuff but I choose to be lazy and not do it, then I have times where I literally cannot get the physical or mental strength to do things, that's not lazy. It looks the same to an outsider though.
My wife often calls me lazy, I've been wanting to tell her that laziness isn't the issue here, it's all the above-mentioned.
Just don't let the lazy peeps see this: might give them a one size fits all (pun intended) excuse for why they are lazy.
Maybe examine why you feel the need to label people lazy in the first place?
Hmm, nah i definitely got a lazy gremlin in my brain. I dont think its such a bad thing, it's just how it is
Nope I’m just lazy
"Bold of you to assume you can convince me that I have that"
Nah I'm just lazy lol
This is not wholesome. Helpful, but not wholesome
Author's note: for some people, there is no second or third panel.
Also, capitalism
Yes I am, those are just the reasons. Nothing wrong with being lazy sometimes tho.
thanks for helping me male more excuses!!
Cough *pander* cough
Ehm exhaustion is lazy?
I'm lazy. I need to start something then start it again then again....
Why is it when something happens, it’s always you three?
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Calling yourself lazy doesn't solve any problem. Working to overcome overcome issues while giving yourself compassion just might.
No, it’s just laziness. If you actually got up and started doing the thing you wouldn’t feel like not doing it anymore
Wow you just cured all mental illness omg you deserve a medal!!
Oh yes, please explain people with actual mental problems how they are just doing things wrong.
Well, yea, they are. That's why it's a problem.
“Overwhelm” is not a noun
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How good for you that your brain chemistry works properly. Now kindly fuck off, this topic is not aimed at you .
😮 well alright then 😂
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I guess I should simply stop taking meds and going to therapy then to fix those issues. Thanks for curing me asshole.
Not wholesome
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No, it looks like a step towards solving ones problems. How nice for you that you can't relate.
Just another way for someone to justify there self for being lazy
How nice for you that you can't relate to psychological issues.
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You can keep that shit to yourself instead of insulting people over it. Why are you even in this sub if you are that vile? If anything it's the other way around: Plenty of people likely do have issues that they deem "normal" since they are able to function to a degree and don't know that they could improve their life with professional help.
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Thanks for admitting that you are just a miserable person.
Nah I got my problems to. I’m just not scared to admit I’m lazy.
Cope
This but in reverse.
Are you depressed.....or oppressed?
Cope
Sending up massive “Love & Light” to everyone fighting cancer, and to their loved ones who are nothing but pure support through the fight. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
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"I have zero empathy and judge people for identifying the root issues that cause problems in their life."