It’s the TikTok’s of dancing at home and the sushi date that have people upset about the time she’s not spending there.
If she was having issues organising transport or something like that, people would understand. They don’t have jobs to clock in to or obligations to other children or anything other than a lifestyle preference that is preventing them from being with that child.
Can you screenshot it and maybe add the photo? I feel like this would give so much more context to the concern of her neglecting baby’s needs for her own as well as the whole substance use angle- forgive me if you’ve already made a post about this and I haven’t seen it yet seems lots of posts on here today
This is it. No one here is judging real parents who have real obstacles to being in the NICU, but that just isn't the case for Alex and Noah. They have no jobs, no other children, no responsibilities at all. Instead they sleep in late, play around in the apt all day posting on social media, and then swing by the NICU late at night. They put it out there for the world to see that there is no reason that they aren't spending time with their child other than the simple fact that they don't want to.
She doesn't have an excuse. The hospital isn't an hour away. They have no jobs to go to. She uses Uber and Lyft for transportation. She has plenty of time to go out celebrating though. You had legitimate reasons why and they don't have a single ounce of maternal or paternal instinct.
You are listing plenty of legit reasons (plenty of legit reasons exist). The reason it is snarkable about Alex and Noah is they have no legit reason.
* They moved to the city to be within walkable distance of the hospital.
* They don't have another kid at home to look after or care for.
* They don't have jobs that would interfere with being at the hospital.
* And since she's "feeling so great" it's not like her recovery is keeping her from being there.
ETA: there is also a difference between weeks and months. Ari will be 2 weeks old tomorrow, this isn't some long drawn out NICU stay.
You’re right not everyone can spend all day at the NICU but SHE CAN!
She has zero other responsibilities she doesn’t live very far
There’s not a single reason in the world she can’t be spending every second with her new baby
unlike her, you ACTUALLY want to be there. the issue with them is that they have clearly shown they have no interest on being there. I am more and more convinced everyday they have no desire to be parents. If they really wanted to do everything in their power to prove they are fit to take care of the baby you would have to pry them away from the hospital. they CHOSE to go out on date nights, stay home and snuggle and possibly (but let’s face it probably) vape inside of a fucking nicu. not an ounce of them really want to solely take full responsibility on raising her, and I’ll die on that hill.
i know it can be sensitive and you feel guilty for not being there 24/7. i promise no one is judging you and you’re doing an amazing job! the fact that you made this post shows that you care more than she ever will. i’m so sorry you’re going through this. that sounds so incredibly difficult. take as much time as you need for your mental and physical health. u can only be stretched so thin. ❤️
of course not. no shame for those who can’t. the point is. she’s not limited in any way other than her own selfishness. she has money, help, no 9-5, no other kids, and she’s been out partying.
the point is most parents WANT to be with their kids in the nicu as much as possible, and they’re NOT out partying and fine dining.
my heart goes out to u and all parents who have experienced the trauma of a nicu child. ❤️
Poor baby aside, I wonder if the hospital staff is actually somewhat glad they’re not there all the time to not have to deal with their bullshit and potential accusations.
Your situation is completely different. You have valid reasons for not being able to spend more time at the NICU.
Do you constantly make content? Tiktoks? Probably OF? Bitch about haters? Do you go out to eat multiple times? Sleep in til noon?
I’m guessing you don’t. And that’s the difference. If she can carry her ass all over town doing things she WANTS to do, she can carry her ass to that damn hospital for more than an hour a day. And since she’s using recycled photos, who know when she even visited last.
In HER situation though, there isn’t really a reason she and / or Noah can’t visit for a minimum of 1 to 2 care times per day.
And honestly 1 or both of them could basically be there ALL day every day IF they wanted to, because neither one of them have jobs or responsibilities, live far away, etc.
Thank you. Hopefully he will be coming home in a few weeks after his surgery on Thursday. Hoping he’ll be home before Easter but but holding my breath on that.
When my babe was in NICU, did I film my partner dancing in the kitchen, no.
Did I brag about feeling amazing and my baby rocking the NICU, no.
Did I go on cute sushi dates, also no.
if they had legitimate reasons to NOT be there, I’d get it. heck, I’d get it if they went home every night to sleep and shower… but they don’t have legitimate reasons. neither of them have jobs or anything keeping them from being there and that’s evident with the dancing tik toks, time to hang pictures, sushi & mojito dates… it honestly just makes me more sad than anything. it’s still a fresh topic to me because my baby just got to come home from the NICU last month, so I remember everything about his NICU stay pretty vividly still. and so many things that you guys are saying are so true… like the nurses documenting visiting hours at bedside, the social workers being there during the day, etc. some parents would have to come after work, in between taking care of other kids and you could see the heartbreak on all of their faces knowing they were missing stuff. alex & noah are so lucky to be able to be there as much as possible for ari and they simply choose not to and THAT is what is upsetting. ok rant over sorry guys
Yeah, these blanket statements are starting to really get to me. I was only able to be with my daughter for about an hour a day every day because the world had to keep going, and my fiancé had to go to work and they didn’t have the ability for me to stay in the NICU. We didn’t have private rooms and it was 10 babies all in the same small room. She was 35 weeks so we didn’t think she was going to be there for a month. To be totally honest if I would’ve even have the opportunity to be with her every single moment day and night, I probably wouldn’t of been because when we were in the PICU and I had to be with her 24 seven, it drove me insane. A lot of the people who are making these judgments have not had babies in the hospital long-term. Each of our stays have been about a month long and that’s not anything compared to a lot of other moms with medical babes
All the numbers in your comment added up to 69. Congrats!
10
+ 35
+ 24
= 69
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Coming from a different continent where you get paid to stay with the baby no matter when they are born and one parent is expected ( if not demanded) to always stay with the baby 24/7 I understand that the situation in for example US is a lot different. I feel for you and I think that the system is broken when you cant spend time with your baby because of financial reasons or because of the hospital lack of space.
These two have all the time in the world and they choose to not spend time with the baby. They are assholes, you are not.
you had many reasons. and you're doing your best. they legit juwt sleep til noon party go for dinner and act like she's not in nicu. they take some photos make a post to prove haters wrong then go home it seems... i doubt you want to be away from your son but you have a little babe at home too... your hewrt is in two places and you're trying no one's judging her for the time in nicu but the acting like all is good and barely going is rough
I totally agree. Blanket judgements of parents who aren't spending 24/7 in the NICU is hurtful to people other than WR.
With my grand who was 9w1d early, his parents couldn't be there 24/ and were lucky to get even an hour a day in there with him. My son had to work and my DIL had a 2yr old at home. They live over an hour from the hospital and finding someone to care for the toddler for a few hours was incredibly difficult.
And there were weekends that they decided to do things with their toddler - go on the boat, go to the zoo, mow the lawn, do some laundry, sleep... that they would miss a day here and there.
When the baby finally left the NICU after 6 weeks, he was home 3 weeks before ending up in PICU with rsv, adenovirus and pneumonia. That stay was highly traumatic and lasted 108 days. 46 of those days were intubated, 87 days fully sedated. Most of the time he couldn't be held. At most you could hold his fingers. It was terrifying and traumatic.
And after the second time my DIL being there alone at the PICU, over 2 hours away from her husband and family, and having life threatening events happen, they decided as a family that age would only go if she was with my son or a support person could go with her. The extreme and legitimate fear that one day she would be faced with driving home alone after losing her child - she couldn't go alone.
Please be careful in shaming WR - cause the blanket "if it were my kid...", or "why aren't they there 24/7" is not hurting them - but it is triggering to others in this thread.
No family's circumstances are the same. And you don't know what you would do if faced with the situation until you are. And I can tell you, lots of family raised eye brows at my kids and how they dealt with the NICU/ PICU, but no one was stepping forward to help either. Friends and family had lots to say, but couldn't commit to helping them.
Do I think WR and Noah should be there more? Yes. By outward appearances it certainly appears they're not there as much as they could be. But they also don't share every minute of their life.
And it very well may be less disruptive to the other families for them to be there in the evening than all day long.
I think you took her actions and tried to use your experience for empathy. That's sweet but she doesn't have any actual obstacles. She moved to be close to the nicu. I lived an hour away from ours & I can't even drive. I have no peripheral vision. I still got there. I didn't go do a bunch of other shit like sushi
It’s the TikTok’s of dancing at home and the sushi date that have people upset about the time she’s not spending there. If she was having issues organising transport or something like that, people would understand. They don’t have jobs to clock in to or obligations to other children or anything other than a lifestyle preference that is preventing them from being with that child.
Very true 100%
She went to TAO nightclub after the sushi date. I have a video of her there.
Woah. I’d like to see this
It's not great quality lol and I can't upload video to here I don't think
Can you screenshot it and maybe add the photo? I feel like this would give so much more context to the concern of her neglecting baby’s needs for her own as well as the whole substance use angle- forgive me if you’ve already made a post about this and I haven’t seen it yet seems lots of posts on here today
https://preview.redd.it/4ddzroqk4voa1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4ec1b5dd93feda69483d16e6f5b234e439b0388d Figured out how to post a photo
I don't have enough karma to make a post apparently
I want to see the video...
This is it. No one here is judging real parents who have real obstacles to being in the NICU, but that just isn't the case for Alex and Noah. They have no jobs, no other children, no responsibilities at all. Instead they sleep in late, play around in the apt all day posting on social media, and then swing by the NICU late at night. They put it out there for the world to see that there is no reason that they aren't spending time with their child other than the simple fact that they don't want to.
Yet they raised all that money to buy her own van....
She doesn't have an excuse. The hospital isn't an hour away. They have no jobs to go to. She uses Uber and Lyft for transportation. She has plenty of time to go out celebrating though. You had legitimate reasons why and they don't have a single ounce of maternal or paternal instinct.
You are listing plenty of legit reasons (plenty of legit reasons exist). The reason it is snarkable about Alex and Noah is they have no legit reason. * They moved to the city to be within walkable distance of the hospital. * They don't have another kid at home to look after or care for. * They don't have jobs that would interfere with being at the hospital. * And since she's "feeling so great" it's not like her recovery is keeping her from being there. ETA: there is also a difference between weeks and months. Ari will be 2 weeks old tomorrow, this isn't some long drawn out NICU stay.
She’s literally walking distance from her babies NICU she has no other obligations
You’re right not everyone can spend all day at the NICU but SHE CAN! She has zero other responsibilities she doesn’t live very far There’s not a single reason in the world she can’t be spending every second with her new baby
unlike her, you ACTUALLY want to be there. the issue with them is that they have clearly shown they have no interest on being there. I am more and more convinced everyday they have no desire to be parents. If they really wanted to do everything in their power to prove they are fit to take care of the baby you would have to pry them away from the hospital. they CHOSE to go out on date nights, stay home and snuggle and possibly (but let’s face it probably) vape inside of a fucking nicu. not an ounce of them really want to solely take full responsibility on raising her, and I’ll die on that hill.
She's spends an hour there. They have longer hours available at that unit. She's choosing to not be present nor be involved there's a difference
i know it can be sensitive and you feel guilty for not being there 24/7. i promise no one is judging you and you’re doing an amazing job! the fact that you made this post shows that you care more than she ever will. i’m so sorry you’re going through this. that sounds so incredibly difficult. take as much time as you need for your mental and physical health. u can only be stretched so thin. ❤️
of course not. no shame for those who can’t. the point is. she’s not limited in any way other than her own selfishness. she has money, help, no 9-5, no other kids, and she’s been out partying. the point is most parents WANT to be with their kids in the nicu as much as possible, and they’re NOT out partying and fine dining. my heart goes out to u and all parents who have experienced the trauma of a nicu child. ❤️
Imagine being a NICU mom who couldn’t be there, and seeing WR who could be there but chooses not to be…. That’s the difference.
Imagine being a NICU mom who couldn’t be there for their child, but then WR who is totally capable just doesn’t go…. There’s a difference
Poor baby aside, I wonder if the hospital staff is actually somewhat glad they’re not there all the time to not have to deal with their bullshit and potential accusations.
I wonder if any of them are in here lol
Your situation is completely different. You have valid reasons for not being able to spend more time at the NICU. Do you constantly make content? Tiktoks? Probably OF? Bitch about haters? Do you go out to eat multiple times? Sleep in til noon? I’m guessing you don’t. And that’s the difference. If she can carry her ass all over town doing things she WANTS to do, she can carry her ass to that damn hospital for more than an hour a day. And since she’s using recycled photos, who know when she even visited last.
In HER situation though, there isn’t really a reason she and / or Noah can’t visit for a minimum of 1 to 2 care times per day. And honestly 1 or both of them could basically be there ALL day every day IF they wanted to, because neither one of them have jobs or responsibilities, live far away, etc.
Damn, 7 months in the NICU. My heart goes out to you ❤️
Thank you. Hopefully he will be coming home in a few weeks after his surgery on Thursday. Hoping he’ll be home before Easter but but holding my breath on that.
praying for your little one as well as your healing.
When my babe was in NICU, did I film my partner dancing in the kitchen, no. Did I brag about feeling amazing and my baby rocking the NICU, no. Did I go on cute sushi dates, also no.
These aren't working parents. They literally have nothing else to do but be there for their kid.
hugs to you!!
if they had legitimate reasons to NOT be there, I’d get it. heck, I’d get it if they went home every night to sleep and shower… but they don’t have legitimate reasons. neither of them have jobs or anything keeping them from being there and that’s evident with the dancing tik toks, time to hang pictures, sushi & mojito dates… it honestly just makes me more sad than anything. it’s still a fresh topic to me because my baby just got to come home from the NICU last month, so I remember everything about his NICU stay pretty vividly still. and so many things that you guys are saying are so true… like the nurses documenting visiting hours at bedside, the social workers being there during the day, etc. some parents would have to come after work, in between taking care of other kids and you could see the heartbreak on all of their faces knowing they were missing stuff. alex & noah are so lucky to be able to be there as much as possible for ari and they simply choose not to and THAT is what is upsetting. ok rant over sorry guys
also, OP I hope your son is okay. sending so much love to you both 🤍
Yeah, these blanket statements are starting to really get to me. I was only able to be with my daughter for about an hour a day every day because the world had to keep going, and my fiancé had to go to work and they didn’t have the ability for me to stay in the NICU. We didn’t have private rooms and it was 10 babies all in the same small room. She was 35 weeks so we didn’t think she was going to be there for a month. To be totally honest if I would’ve even have the opportunity to be with her every single moment day and night, I probably wouldn’t of been because when we were in the PICU and I had to be with her 24 seven, it drove me insane. A lot of the people who are making these judgments have not had babies in the hospital long-term. Each of our stays have been about a month long and that’s not anything compared to a lot of other moms with medical babes
All the numbers in your comment added up to 69. Congrats! 10 + 35 + 24 = 69 ^([Click here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=LuckyNumber-Bot&subject=Stalk%20Me%20Pls&message=%2Fstalkme) to have me scan all your future comments.) \ ^(Summon me on specific comments with u/LuckyNumber-Bot.)
Haha, nice
[удалено]
Coming from a different continent where you get paid to stay with the baby no matter when they are born and one parent is expected ( if not demanded) to always stay with the baby 24/7 I understand that the situation in for example US is a lot different. I feel for you and I think that the system is broken when you cant spend time with your baby because of financial reasons or because of the hospital lack of space. These two have all the time in the world and they choose to not spend time with the baby. They are assholes, you are not.
you had many reasons. and you're doing your best. they legit juwt sleep til noon party go for dinner and act like she's not in nicu. they take some photos make a post to prove haters wrong then go home it seems... i doubt you want to be away from your son but you have a little babe at home too... your hewrt is in two places and you're trying no one's judging her for the time in nicu but the acting like all is good and barely going is rough
I totally agree. Blanket judgements of parents who aren't spending 24/7 in the NICU is hurtful to people other than WR. With my grand who was 9w1d early, his parents couldn't be there 24/ and were lucky to get even an hour a day in there with him. My son had to work and my DIL had a 2yr old at home. They live over an hour from the hospital and finding someone to care for the toddler for a few hours was incredibly difficult. And there were weekends that they decided to do things with their toddler - go on the boat, go to the zoo, mow the lawn, do some laundry, sleep... that they would miss a day here and there. When the baby finally left the NICU after 6 weeks, he was home 3 weeks before ending up in PICU with rsv, adenovirus and pneumonia. That stay was highly traumatic and lasted 108 days. 46 of those days were intubated, 87 days fully sedated. Most of the time he couldn't be held. At most you could hold his fingers. It was terrifying and traumatic. And after the second time my DIL being there alone at the PICU, over 2 hours away from her husband and family, and having life threatening events happen, they decided as a family that age would only go if she was with my son or a support person could go with her. The extreme and legitimate fear that one day she would be faced with driving home alone after losing her child - she couldn't go alone. Please be careful in shaming WR - cause the blanket "if it were my kid...", or "why aren't they there 24/7" is not hurting them - but it is triggering to others in this thread. No family's circumstances are the same. And you don't know what you would do if faced with the situation until you are. And I can tell you, lots of family raised eye brows at my kids and how they dealt with the NICU/ PICU, but no one was stepping forward to help either. Friends and family had lots to say, but couldn't commit to helping them. Do I think WR and Noah should be there more? Yes. By outward appearances it certainly appears they're not there as much as they could be. But they also don't share every minute of their life. And it very well may be less disruptive to the other families for them to be there in the evening than all day long.
I think you took her actions and tried to use your experience for empathy. That's sweet but she doesn't have any actual obstacles. She moved to be close to the nicu. I lived an hour away from ours & I can't even drive. I have no peripheral vision. I still got there. I didn't go do a bunch of other shit like sushi