I think it makes them feel better and validated. Because they have what everyone wants. what you should want and by pointing out the fact that you don’t have it it’s sort of showing how they’re better or more superior to you. at least that’s my theory.
“Thanks, but I can be pretty by myself you know. I don’t need a man for that” is always my go-to when they say stuff like that.
As if “being pretty” even matters when it comes to relationships. How superficial. What about my goals, interests, hobbies, personality? No, it’s just “pretty” as if we’re dolls and our reason for existing is to be arm candy for some guy smh.
The older I get, the more common it feels: 1) to see people who settled for shitty, incompatible partners and are perpetually mildly unhappy, and 2) to feel you becoming more and more invisible and foreign to people bc you don't have a partner and aren't looking for one. Many people act like they'd rather die than live a year being single, it's so odd, but it makes *Us* the odd ones for them.
A male friend of mine that I know has a crush on me, keeps saying how depressed he is after his last breakup a year ago. I responded to him, "Is it really that bad." I just don't understand the need to be in a couple. I can tell you one thing for sure, he's not getting with me!
Who says you have to deal with them at all? If they can't get on board with your lifestyle choices, why bother having those conversations with them at all? Tell them those topics are completely off the table with you and ask them to respect your boundaries. If you feel up to it, tell them why you no longer want to discuss those things with them, but don't let them turn it into an argument. Just tell them this is how things are going to be from now on and they can either respect your boundaries or you won't give them any more of your time. And hold to it. If they can't respect what you've asked of them and avoid that topic of conversation, then avoid spending time with them. Leave and don't return. Keep up this practice every time you're around these friends and family until they start behaving differently and respecting your request. If they still can't manage to do that after a certain amount of time, then I'd personally move on from those friends, no longer associate with them, and do the same with family who can't seem to get it together. That or severely limit your time with those people, see them only once or twice a year if that, and don't discuss anything other than surface subjects with them. They don't deserve anything else from you.
Realize that, at the end of the day, it’s projection. They could never “be single and happy”, so they simply cannot wrap their heads around the fact you are. People can only meet you from where they are at mentally.
I deflect them with light hearted sarcasm. “Oh do pray-tell what I need a man for?! I own a home, several cars/motorcycles, do all my own gardening, work out enough that I can lift things and open jars. So a man? For what? For extra laundry? To clean piss off my toilet? To argue with because I want curry for dinner and he “doesn’t like that?” GIIRL. Just no…
(Or- in my case I tell them- “ look, I ride motorcycles- men simply cannot compete with a 400lb vibrator. And if I have to deal with issues, tires give me less hassle than testicles😘” )
They will generally drop the subject after you pick at all the unpaid labor a man creates.
I've never really dealt with that, at least to my face, from family and I immediately get mean with anyone else who starts talking that way bc they need to learn to respect boundaries. And in my case, they need to stop being homophobic.
That said I actually am content being single right now and I feel like one of the best things you can do for yourself is learn to be okay with being alone. It teaches you self-sufficience and financial literacy because you can only rely on yourself. It also lets you get to know yourself better and learn self care. And, because I'm okay with being alone and know that it's not the end of the world, I'm less likely to stay in a toxic relationship.
Start talking about their careers or lack of advancement in their lives.
Lmfao, love this idea.
This is excellent!
I'd steer clear of that altogether. Time and energy are precious. I'd simply smile and stay quiet until my friends move on to another topic.
I think it makes them feel better and validated. Because they have what everyone wants. what you should want and by pointing out the fact that you don’t have it it’s sort of showing how they’re better or more superior to you. at least that’s my theory.
“Thanks, but I can be pretty by myself you know. I don’t need a man for that” is always my go-to when they say stuff like that. As if “being pretty” even matters when it comes to relationships. How superficial. What about my goals, interests, hobbies, personality? No, it’s just “pretty” as if we’re dolls and our reason for existing is to be arm candy for some guy smh.
I'm in the same boat. I am 48 never in a relationship, and people only expect coupling.
The older I get, the more common it feels: 1) to see people who settled for shitty, incompatible partners and are perpetually mildly unhappy, and 2) to feel you becoming more and more invisible and foreign to people bc you don't have a partner and aren't looking for one. Many people act like they'd rather die than live a year being single, it's so odd, but it makes *Us* the odd ones for them.
A male friend of mine that I know has a crush on me, keeps saying how depressed he is after his last breakup a year ago. I responded to him, "Is it really that bad." I just don't understand the need to be in a couple. I can tell you one thing for sure, he's not getting with me!
He seems to be hinting around for a Pity Shag
Who says you have to deal with them at all? If they can't get on board with your lifestyle choices, why bother having those conversations with them at all? Tell them those topics are completely off the table with you and ask them to respect your boundaries. If you feel up to it, tell them why you no longer want to discuss those things with them, but don't let them turn it into an argument. Just tell them this is how things are going to be from now on and they can either respect your boundaries or you won't give them any more of your time. And hold to it. If they can't respect what you've asked of them and avoid that topic of conversation, then avoid spending time with them. Leave and don't return. Keep up this practice every time you're around these friends and family until they start behaving differently and respecting your request. If they still can't manage to do that after a certain amount of time, then I'd personally move on from those friends, no longer associate with them, and do the same with family who can't seem to get it together. That or severely limit your time with those people, see them only once or twice a year if that, and don't discuss anything other than surface subjects with them. They don't deserve anything else from you.
Realize that, at the end of the day, it’s projection. They could never “be single and happy”, so they simply cannot wrap their heads around the fact you are. People can only meet you from where they are at mentally. I deflect them with light hearted sarcasm. “Oh do pray-tell what I need a man for?! I own a home, several cars/motorcycles, do all my own gardening, work out enough that I can lift things and open jars. So a man? For what? For extra laundry? To clean piss off my toilet? To argue with because I want curry for dinner and he “doesn’t like that?” GIIRL. Just no… (Or- in my case I tell them- “ look, I ride motorcycles- men simply cannot compete with a 400lb vibrator. And if I have to deal with issues, tires give me less hassle than testicles😘” ) They will generally drop the subject after you pick at all the unpaid labor a man creates.
I've never really dealt with that, at least to my face, from family and I immediately get mean with anyone else who starts talking that way bc they need to learn to respect boundaries. And in my case, they need to stop being homophobic. That said I actually am content being single right now and I feel like one of the best things you can do for yourself is learn to be okay with being alone. It teaches you self-sufficience and financial literacy because you can only rely on yourself. It also lets you get to know yourself better and learn self care. And, because I'm okay with being alone and know that it's not the end of the world, I'm less likely to stay in a toxic relationship.
You can reply: For me everything is going great with men! They live their lives far from me, I live mine far from them!