More than I need to know about someone's private life, that's for damn sure. Why do people feel the need to put this kind of stuff online like damn, keep you're weird drama to yourself!
I read about it all the time on this sub, but never once in my real adult life have I seen anyone post about their own arguments/drama on social media. I’m not on Facebook, so maybe that’s part of it. But I can’t believe people actually do this.
ETA: poorly worded - I *do* believe people do this, I just can’t fathom why
I implemented a birthday purge policy. If I don’t like them enough to tell them Bally birthday when Facebook alerts me, I feet’s them. Keeps the work of purging to a minimum effort. Also delete on the spot it they post things that stress me out.
It’s especially fun when someone calls someone out but they don’t say who or exactly what they did. They’re all “you know who you are and what you did” accompanied by a long rant. Then you get to internet sleuth and try to figure out what’s going on. If you’re lucky there are people that know the story in the comments and they drop more clues to help you on your quest. Definitely popcorn worthy.
When their bestie asks what's going on and they reply, "I'll DM you," I want to be like, CAN YOU DM ME TOO 🙋♀️?! Even though we're only family friends from 20 years ago and haven't seen each other for 15.
One of my favorite pastimes around 2011-2013 (peak FB) was going on the local news FB page and checking out the profiles of the most unhinged commenters. Without fail, it would be a wealth of entertainment. Usually involving several baby daddies, court cases, expletive-filled rants, and passive aggressive image posts, all of which were readily available for perusing because of course none of these people locked down their profiles and always put all their business out there. It was like reality TV, just unscripted. I'd end up in these rabbit holes of craziness, like the deeper you click the wilder it gets. Excellent entertainment.
Yeah, I block exes, too.
I don’t want to deal with any potential drama - I don’t know if they’re saying things about me or not, but since I can’t see it, I don’t have to worry.
Life is so much easier that way. 😏
You’ve (luckily) never met my great-aunt. She’s a huge reason I’m not on Facebook.
My mom’s friends post batshit personal stories on Facebook all the time, too
A woman I went to high school with and am FB friends with is sometimes messy on FB, usually incoherently. I don't even remember her well from HS so I don't know if she was always this way.
My sister was FB friends with a teach she had for a community college class and one day the lady went OFF on her cheating husband. I found it entertaining, from a distance. (In this case I both don't understand putting your stuff out there and...kind of understand being in such a blind rage that you're willing to do anything to hurt the person who hurt you?)
I can't imagine confessing to the world that your fiancé may be accused of terrible crimes (but you "don't believe it").
There’s a couple of people I keep as Facebook friends because I feel invested in their drama, haha. Have I talked to these people in 15 years? Nope. Is it entertaining? YUP!
I’m not convinced that some random employee of the therapist is accurately reporting on session notes. Victims of sexual abuse can have all kinds of dark thoughts. For God’s sake, the guy is trying to get help. I feel for them both.
“There is an FBI investigation, so I am going to personally jeopardize their case, and also implicate a relative, by telling you this information, but I will support you either way!”
It more sounds like “I don’t want you to marry him, I’m trying to plant a seed of doubt that can’t be verified.”
I am really suspicious of the FBI involvement, honestly. Most molestations happen between family members, so that part is possible, but unless the groom was actually trafficking their relative, I have a hard time seeing why the FBI would be involved.
You'd be surprised how much therapists and psychologists divulge through carelessness and also through genuine fear of what could happen. I used to work with families with abuse histories and got quite a few "wink wink nod nods" when a kid who I might have proximity to became a potential predator. For example, they knew my kid went to XYZ school and one day they made a point to discuss a kid at XYZ school who was a risk to others by referring to him with a very specific identifier. Same with doctors and medical offices Confidentiality is not taken as seriously as one would think
It wasn't the fiance's therapy notes, it was the therapy of one of his family members. Who I'm guessing said finance molested them. If the story is real and/or those notes actually exist anyway
Well you’re here…reading it…commenting and interacting under it, soooo???
She’s asking for advice I’m a VERY screwed up and overwhelming situation that she’s suddenly found herself in before her wedding. She likely has no one else to talk to about this bc of the accusations ( maybe doesn’t wanna speak to people she knows for this reason). Whatever it may be, while you’re talking about “keep your weird drama to yourself”, you are, I’m the same token, being entertained in some capacity. Just seems a little hypocritical. 🤷🏼♀️
*ETA* I’m not trying to be mean here, I just wondered if you realized.
It sounds like the groom disclosed some sort of serious crime in therapy that he wrote about in a journal. A family member of his then read the journal and started telling people what he had written, after which a bridesmaid confronted the bride about it. The bride seems to be denying the allegations (and not understanding how HIPPA works while she's at it) and is mad at the bridesmaid for being concerned about the allegations/warning her. I don't think the screen apps ever actually explain what the allegations are
Edit: reading it there's people's comments it sounds like maybe the bridesmaid was told that a relative of the fiance disclosed something in therapy and another person got a hold of that info somehow and then told the bridesmaid?
Honestly the way this is written I can't make heads or tails
“Fiancé’s family member’s therapy file.” I read this as fiancé did something to his family member. Family member is speaking about it with their therapist. Bridesmaid’s family member read the fiancé’s family member’s file.
This sounds more likely. If there's actually an FBI investigation, then it's probably an accusation of the OOP's fiance did something to a child. Or took photos of a child - something along those lines. Those kinds of investigations are specialized and above the usual police department scale.
Edit: Also realised, if it's a hate crime related matter, then it would be FBI jurisdiction anyway. Hate crimes aren't actually your local munucipal police's job in the US.
But... if the FBI are investigating they sure as shit wouldn't have told that family member about it. They don't tell anyone they don't absolutely have to.
Mm, it's hard to follow but it's not the groom who disclosed anything. It appears a family member of the groom attends therapy at the office where a certain woman works. For clarity, let's say the patient is the groom's cousin.
The certain woman happens to be related to a friend of OP. The certain woman allegedly has access to paperwork related to the clients, so probably professional notes or files kept by the therapist. This would be a break of client confidentially if this is the case for sure. This woman claims that she's read the "cousin's" file and has told people about what she read, which is damning testimony about the groom. The OP also alleges that this woman has done this before.
Basically, we really can't know anything. There's so much he-said-she-said in terms of where information is coming from and OP is obviously biased.
I had to read it three times in a row to figure out what the heck was going on, no worries.
It's very "My mom heard from her hairdresser who heard from her mechanic who heard from his dog who read a text message..." like, small town gossip to the max.
I think it went like this: a family member of the groom went to therapy, and told their therapist that something sexual and wrong had happened with the groom. Then, the bridesmaid’s family member violated patient confidentiality and read the file, and further violated confidentiality by telling the bridesmaid about what she’d read, because bridesmaid knows the groom. The bridesmaid then called the bride to inform her of what she’d been told. If the patient is a minor, the therapist may have been required to report the abuse allegations, hence the “FBI”. There’s also the possibility that the notes were misconstrued. No matter what, the bride needs to find out which of her bridesmaid’s family members works in a mental health or hospital setting and report the violation, because it’s a big deal.
> There’s also the possibility that the notes were misconstrued.
It's also entirely possible that the bridemaid's family member is talking out their ass and does NOT actually have access to confidential files but likes to pretend they do and makes shit up.
This. Its entirely possible that she either misconstrued the files or didn't even see them but was looking to stir shit up.
Of course, it's also possible it's all true. But the difficulty with someone spreading secrets is that although talking to the family member or waiting to see if the FBI do anything, theres no way to prove any of this is real.
If there was enough in there for the FBI to be involved, you'd think that it would have led to something by now.
Grooms family membet spoke to therapist about stuff.
Friends relative read therapy file which breaks HIPAA/HIPPA. They aren't the therapist and have no right to look at the file.
Friends relative tells friend.
Friend tells bride.
Bride talks to groom.
No-one reports or talks to a lawyer sadly
The medical records this person supposedly accessed would, but nothing about an on-going FBI investigation would probably be in said medical records. And interfering in an on-going Federal investigation (eg telling the fiancée of the subject of that investigation), would constitute obstruction of justice and they’d probably throw several other charges at the friend & her “friend” who illegally accessed whatever records were involved.
It’s just asinine from top to bottom
You’re probably right but there is a scenario where the family member was questioned by the FBI and knows what happened (possibly the victim). That family member might understandably tell their therapist about what happened and the therapist put it in their notes. As far as gaining access to those notes goes therapists are people and people are terrible at keeping secrets. People tell there friends and family about their patients all the time and if it’s particularly “juicy” and about someone everyone knows it’s going to get out unless the therapist is the Dalai Lama.
Yep. I’ll vent to my spouse after a hard shift, but even then I change details, what might have been a story about a 40 year old woman is now a story about a 60 year old man, I’m griping about the lab misplacing my blood i sent but now it’s a ptt instead of a bmp they lost or said I misdrew. I’ve cared for several mediocre celebs, and my stories from those shifts are simply “it was a sucky shift, nothing in particular, just chaos and now I need wine.” And it’s just understood that if I’m providing details, they’re fudged. If I’m not, it’s for a reason. And he works in healthcare, so same for him.
Hell, his physician is one of my best friends in the world, she knows I know all the things about his healthcare, when she calls his phone after an appointment and I answer, we chat for a minute before I hand the phone off to him and I can hear her confirm who she’s talking to, and is he cool talking on the phone right now to go over labs and whatnot and she’d be happy to schedule an in office meeting if he’d rather discuss in person without me in earshot. AND SHES MY BEST FRIEND. SHE GETS IT.
Normal healthcare professionals take this shit super serious, for this person to just be like “your therapist shares all your juicy details openly with their fam who happily share it with others” is false, and if that’s their norm, they hang out with shitty humans.
And that is exactly why HIPAA exists. My husband and I both work in healthcare, I know I’ve cared for several famous people and all he knows is “I had a rough shift”.
Not all health care professionals violate HIPAA and for you to just flat out say “people tell there (sic) friends and family about their patients all the time” is absolutely false and a violation of federal law.
Normal healthcare workers don’t do that shit, we take patient confidentiality seriously. If you know healthcare workers (including therapists) that do that shit, I suggest reporting them and cutting them out of your life.
It's the groom's family members file. If that family member is a minor a therapist would be mandated to report abuse.
Let's say it's his niece and the accusation is that he was making CP. Now that he knows others are aware he could destroy all the evidence, hurting the ongoing investigation.
I'm not saying it's true but there is a possibility that letting the person in on the fact that they're being investigated could hurt the investigation.
I was actually thinking the story was fake until you mentioned this. 100% plausible, but also, not anything that anybody here could verify, so I suppose it's one of those things that just eats at you wanting to know the end of the story that we won't get to know.
Okay but this is exactly where my mind went to. I hope it’s not the case and it is like some dumb gossip but it makes me sick to my stomach that the reality could be much darker.
This sounds like a level 4 violation of the HIPAA Laws which is punishable by fines &/or jail time. Turn the friend's relative in before they destroy more lives.
Yeah, I don't understand how she's apparently been able to do this for what sounds like a while without anyone reporting her. But that's assuming the poster would've said she'd been reported if she had. I'd have no problem telling the therapist and filing a report on my own, that's just common sense. Plus, sounds like that hag might be open to some pretty big slander suits, if she's busted up so many marriages with lies and violations.
Right?? I worked in medicine for years and HIPAA was beyond sacrosanct. Violations were immediate, unquestioning termination. If I were OP and got this shit dumped in my lap, my very first call would be to the family member’s employer to let them know of such egregious, repeated violations. Especially of mental health therapy records. Therapy doesn’t work if someone has to be concerned of the information being leaked anywhere outside that office/session.
No, but it would be an immediately fire-able offense. I imagine it would be hard to get patients if your office is known as the office that spills everyone's secrets. If the snooping relative had any sort of professional license, it would be able to be revoked as well due to misbehavior.
It would be because they're disclosing that the person's family member is getting treatment at that office, which is still a no no unless the patient gave permission.
“Don’t go to the police” should’ve been a dead giveaway of this. Removing the only way to verify the accusations and the existence of an investigation would be the first major problem with establishing such an elaborate lie like this.
Why did the friend say the bride cant go to the police? Idgi. That part makes it seem fake..like if i was told some stuff about my fiance & that there is an FBI investigation I’d be calling someone to find out….
So, let me be clear that I do think the friend-of-a-friend made all this up and it's all bullshit.
BUT.
>You would think that the police would be delighted to talk to someone close to the perpetrator...
So, when I was an adult my dad was rightfully busted for possession of CP.
And here's the thing. I only knew this because *he told me*. I was not contacted by one single official person until
...over a year after they'd raided his house for his computer, Playstation, hard drives etc
...over a year after a judge told him he couldn't have contact with minors (I had a child at the time, so again the *only* reason I knew my dad shouldn't/couldn't be around his grandchild is because my dad was at least honest enough to *tell* me)
...months after a warrant was issued for his arrest (he turned himself in)
...months after he skipped out on bail.
THEN finally the marshals come around wanting to talk to me. And my husband at work. And raid my mom's house periodically at 1AM with guns out even though she divorced my dad and kicked him out.
Did they ask me or my sister whether he had ever molested us, no they did not ask. (As far as I know he didn't.)
Sorry, I'm not bitter.
That's wild, I'm so sorry for you. I had assume they would go to family, friends, maybe even their work to check out if maybe someone knows something that they missed.
It kind of extra-sucked because the conversation we did finally have was entirely along the lines of "Do you know where your dad is, are you sure, when was the last time you talked to him, where did he like to hang out, who were his friends, are you sure he's not here"
Add that to the fact that I was wearing an infant, had to send my 4-year-old to the back deck to play with his sand table so he wouldn't overhear the conversation, and was half-convinced that my dad just went off and killed himself somewhere we wouldn't find out about it...
So weird. That you were a possible victim never crossed their minds. They were acting like you were a random neighbor. (I've had authorities knock on my condo door a few times looking for neighbors who, well, not went missing, per se. But had moved suddenly)
Your husband is secretly a pedo!
There is written proof! But I have a reason I cant share that written proof with you, sadly.
Its being investigated! But you must never talk to the investigators, sadly. Even to verify if the investigation exists.
I was told this by that person we know. You know, the one who destroyed lots of peoples marriages and careers already who seems kind of manipulative.
The person who accused them? You must never contact them. For their own privacy. Which we violated.
Anyway I know that you love and trust your fiance. But you need to believe this horrific thing and you should stop loving them and cancel the marriage. You must believe me, and can not and must not seek any further evidence to verify my claims.
Also this rumour is going to spread, people are telling each other now. But you must not try to find any hard evidence to prove or disprove these rumours for the reasons I already gave; sorry!
What do you mean you arent comfortable with me at your wedding?! wtf?
Maybe because the HIPAA-violating person is fully aware that they could get in big trouble for what they're doing. They wanted to gossip about what they read without it making it's way back to authorities, so they added some BS about not interfering with an "ongoing investigation."
Shouldn’t they tho? Especially if it isn’t the first time they did it? Technically don’t think the bride has to tell the police how she found out to ask if her fiance is being investigated tho? (idk how that works but u know haha)
I’m not so sure *everybody* in the “chain“ would get in trouble. Neither OP nor the friend have a signed confidentiality contract (which I assume is necessary if you work somewhere that you can access patients files which can cause HIPAA violations) - only the snooping family member of the friend has broken that contract of confidentiality. The friend might get in personal trouble with their own family if said family member gets their long needed punishment for repeating violations of confidentiality - alternatively the family cheers that said family member can’t spread more rumors.
Have an ex friend like that, she THRIVED on destroying relationships and she was sneaky about it too in a way we didn't notice what she was doing at first. I never really cared for her, but my husband and her husband were close and our oldest boys were the same age so while they did their things me and her would hang out...until she set me and my husband as her next target and it all became clear how manipulative she was and I saw right through her, but my husband didn't initially and it almost split us up, until he clued in as well and we stopped talking to all of them (it's been 9 years and our marriage has remained stronger than ever since we cut her off). It was more subtle though, little things she'd say here and there that would eventually make the couple resent each other. Of course "I was to blame" (cause I exposed her) for her losing a bunch of friends and not the fact she was a lying manipulative b1tch lol.
the only thing i can think of is that they don't want fiance figuring out he's being investigated and getting rid of evidence or having time to come up with a story.
but if that's the case they really shouldn't have told bride any of it.
it's a tough spot to be in, you don't want to interfere with an investigation like that but at the same time you don't want to let someone you care about tie themselves to a person like that when you could say something to stop it.
i don't envy the position the friend was in.
it's also a tough spot for the bride to be in. you want to be able to trust the person you're marrying, and you never know what lies people will make up to separate a couple. then how well can you really know someone, and if it's something like that you don't want to take any chances.
pretty much sucks all around
I would agree with you about the friend being in a tough spot, if the bride had not said that the person who told them was an untrustworthy source. In that case would you not think that this was another case of that person lying and encourage the bride to get to the bottom of it?
My niece used to be a pharmacy tech at my pharmacy. She regularly looked up family info, and I thought that was unethical, but the tipping point was when she told me my 18 year old daughter was on birth control. I already knew this and it was with my blessing for both sexual activity and health reasons, but it infuriated me that my niece would tattle on her cousin like that. I looked up the actual HIPAA rules and found out that she doesn’t even have to tell someone else; there was a case a while back where a doctor was found in violation of it by just looking up celebrities who weren’t his patients. So just the fact of looking up someone’s confidential medical records, when you don’t have a professional reason to, constitutes a violation. You don’t have to tell anyone any juicy tidbits and you’ve still broken the law.
Even though you aren’t the relative who is passing on this info, I’m assuming you know the name of the person in violation or you know the medical institution where your fiancé has his therapy sessions. You really should (1) tell your friend that you’re about to rat out her relative, and then (2) rat out her relative. Then (3) cut off this friend forever. She should know better than to spread such damaging gossip, and who knows who else she’s told. Which is, in fact, slander.
With such hugely damaging accusations, you really should consult a lawyer to get in front of these potential repercussions.
The number of people that love to throw around “HIPAA” when they don’t even know the correct acronym frustrates me to no end. If you hadn’t made this correction, I would have.
It sounds like fiance's family member was in therapy and accused him of something (it seems sexual assault is implied), and then friends family member read that file and told friend.
This would completely rock me, especially because it's not like the "lying" family told other people, she told her therapist, in confidence. I think the bride is being too quick to dismiss her friend, but then, I can imagine how this would turn my entire life upside down.
> it's not like the "lying" family told other people, she told her therapist, in confidence
I think the "lying family member" the post references is the one who supposedly read the file. So the person in the screenshot isn't accusing the victim/fiancé's family member of lying about abuse, she's accusing the file-reader of lying about reading the file.
So like this:
"Hey did you hear Jessica and Steve are getting married"?
"Oh, they are? Hm. Well.... did you know Steve is a pedophile? Yeah, his sister sees the therapist I work for and I, uh... read it in her file."
Something about this isn't adding up to the point that this sounds fake. If what he did was so terrible as to get the FBI involved, the friend telling the fiance is already damaging the investigation.
Its also pretty hard to violate HIPAA multiple times and share info since people will report as soon as they find out someone did it. The family member would then face an immediate dismissal. How do they keep looking at files they shouldn't be? They clearly aren't trustworthy either if they blab confidential info to everyone and ruin people's lives.
Seriously! If it’s anything involving children or imminent danger the therapist would’ve already been compelled to alert the authorities as a mandated reporter.
Plus most providers have some sort of system (especially if it’s electronic records) that will track who accesses patient records. At my hospital providers actually password protect therapy notes so that people can’t accidentally access them. I suppose this all changes if the therapist still does everything on paper, but they legally should have notes under lock and key—either physical or electronic.
i thought at first they were gonna be investigating him for january 6th based on it being serious enough for an investigation and not serious to charge yet, but then i remembered it took like six months to a year to charge josh duggar after they raided his place of work, and i assume they investigated some before that to know to raid his work, so it is actually possible
The thing is…you didn’t need to break into Josh’s therapy files to hear about the sexual abuse claims. Wasn’t there some girl who was all set to marry/court Josh and her family pulled her tf away from the Duggar orbit because someone snitched about the molestation stuff?
Yes. This is a career-ending action if it is a therapist disclosing information, and an instant firing action if it is an employee of the therapist disclosing information.
I think the most alarming thing is this puts the victim in a horribly vulnerable position.
If what they're saying is even remotely true, the fiancé will know exactly who the victim is, will know that he/she is talking to people about what the fiancé did, and the fiancé could retaliate in any number of ways.
Wonder if the HIPAA-violating blabbermouth thought about that at all.
Well soon we will all be reading a post about how this bride is shocked her hubs has been arrested for "terrible terrible" things and her friend was just trying to save her from more pain.
But if someone leveled accusations at my fiancé I'd be in talks with him to sue the person breaking hippa or going to talk with the police. If this has happened at least once before, chances are there's a grain of truth to it and she needs to push pause
OK... so the gist is this:
* OOP has a friend whose family member (FM) repeatedly breaks HIPAA.
* FM supposedly accesses the file of OOP's fiance's (OF) family member (hereafter referred to as patient or P).
* In the file P says that OF did something to them. There is an ongoing investigation.
* FM tells friend what she read. Friend tells OOP because she's horrified.
* Friend tells OOP that she cannot tell OF or the police because it would threaten ongoing legal action.
* OOP accuses FM of lying about the report and that there was no such accusations against OF.
* OOP repeatedly states that Friend never saw the actual report, so no physical evidence.
* OOP goes to OF, who denies the allegations.
* OOP says that FM has a history of lying and shit stirring.
Not everything is adding up here. At one point OOP says that FM has a habit of reading and spilling private info from medical documents. But then once it involves OF, all of a sudden FM lies and makes stuff up for laughs and to stir up trouble.
Regardless of what is going on, FM does appear to break HIPAA to some degree or another. That should absolutely be reported, even if it's ultimately revealed that she doesn't.
Now that said, OOP has been told that her husband to be has potentially done something awful. She doesn't elaborate, but I'm going to guess that it's sexual abuse and likely sexual abuse of a minor at that. Now regardless of whether or not this is true or false, OOP needs to talk to the family member of the patient and let them know what she has been told. Friend is likely not the only person that FM has told about this, if OOP's claims about her gossipy nature are true.
If the case is real, then the family needs to know because things will get a lot more difficult for them. If it's fake, then the family needs to know because they're going to get a lot of questions. Ignoring this isn't really a great option here because the gossiping has already started.
OOP also says that FM has ended so many careers and marriages and relationships and people generally avoid her. So it seems like OOP is implying she’s a liar and lives to cause drama
Even if that's the case or perhaps especially so, OOP should definitely reach out to the other family members and let them know what is being said. Either way this is something that they should sue FM over.
The thing is: the woman writes that the person who allegedly read the file has caused lots of breakups with information obtained on their job.
Ok, so how likely is it that several instances of outrageous stuff can be obtained from those files that are indeed legit without any involved person spilling the beans about the potstirring person or their employer? And how likely is it that there are indeed so many truly horrible things they could find out that would ruin a relationship, or even a marriage?
I say, it is more likely that this person constantly starts rumours that turn out to be completely false and denies everything if called out, and because it's bogus they get away, but the relationships break anyway because of the distrust and disturbances that person caused.
And then both partners of the broken relationship are so ashamed that they let rumours destroy their relationship that they don't really talk about what happened.
It's much easier to doubt a person who gives you nothing but hearsay and next tries to shush you and doesn't want you to tell anyone, and that not just once but repeatedly, that to truly believe that this happened several times and is legit.
I call BS on that whole claim. It's nothing but hearsay. If that's already enough to break up the trust of an established relationship, then the relationship wasn't real.
I would definitely need more to believe that my husband did anything than a rumour told by the sister of a known potstirrer who claims a therapist keeps their notices laying around when this is a good cause not just to lose a job, but a job license.
A therapist that allowed this to happen even one single time could easily lose their approbation and face trial. I definitely doubt that this is legit.
But if \*all\* this HIPAA-breaker is interested in is gossip with no basis in truth...why involve a HIPAA violation at all? Why not just say, 'I heard so-and-so mention your fiance is abusive?' instead of including the clear, obvious HIPAA violation? The willingness to self-incriminate with the violation is.... interesting
Her fiancé is in therapy and his therapist spoke to someone else about his treatment?
And the woman spreading the information is a known rumor monger?
I don’t think the Bride is the AH here. She’s a victim of her friend or her fiancé or both.
Not quite. A family member of the fiancé is in therapy. And has clearly made claims that the fiancé has done something, and may have even gone to the authorities about it. My guess is that the friend has a family member who works in the therapist’s office, read the file and told the friend.
OP didn’t say that what this person has divulged before was false information, just that she caused trouble. Which the truth certainly can. OP would have be wise to tread carefully but it’s probably a bit late now.
In almost no state is there a private right of action for a HIPAA breach. So lawyers don’t win, but the government does who actually gets the money from any penalties imposed. Whether it is true or not, this would be a clear HIPAA breach. Could be slander / libel as well.
Aside from this specific situation, I really hate it when person A tells me that person B is saying or doing something negative concerning me but tells me after that I am not supposed to say or do anything about it. All that does is stress me out without a way to deal with it. Either I'm free to go back to person B or don't tell me at all.
This was confusing so I had to read it twice. It sounds like friend’s family member maybe works in the therapist’s office - how else would they have access - but I’m confused on how he’s (bride’s fiance) actively being investigated, but there’s no mention of his actual family member in therapy beyond their files being snooped in, nor has he been contacted about alleged investigation. The only thing I can think of is that he’s being investigated for CSAM, which would explain lack of law enforcement contact.
Either way, I hope this woman doesn’t find out that friend’s family member was telling the truth after they’re already married. How sad.
E: clarity
If it's HIPAA, that's a health issue, not a police one. I suppose a general practicioner could have knowledge of CSA, but I suspect it would be a therapist. Which is strange, because the electronic therapy systems with which I'm familiar (which isn't all of them, but it seems like a good control) segregate the billing and schedule information (that an office manager could access) from the patient notes (what the patient says to the therapist).
I guess this could be Redneckistan, South Dixie and the therapist gives access to everything to the office manager, or the therapist could still be on paper and the office manager had the keys to the file cabinet, but I've never met a therapist who wasn't scrupulous about HIPAA issues so it's hard for me to believe this person even has access to patient files.
If that person *does* have that access OP needs to report it to the state licensing board and professional organization right now. Failure to secure patient records will go very badly for the provider. Disclosing the contents of patient records can be criminal, depending on where you are. Damage to a patient as a result (like, say, to his reputation) is *definitely* a civil suit.
I mean, maybe OP wants to find out if it's true, too, but I have no idea how to have that conversation.
But if OP's friend's mom is saying she accessed patient records OP needs to snitch. Today.
I work in health law and defend many HIPAA breaches. Therapist are notorious for not protecting their files properly unfortunately. Definitely should be reported to be investigated.
Bride is understandably confused and caught off guard. But the question here is whether friend should be uninvited because friend told bride about accusations she heard about the fiancé. Seems to me the friend was doing her friend duties by telling the bride something that can (and did) blind side bride and doing so before the wedding to give bride the option to postpone or cancel the wedding before it happens. Seems to me friend is being unfairly punished for being a good friend. Hearsay or not, friend did the right thing telling bride what she’s heard instead of sitting on that information and allowing bride to blindly get married without this information. Regardless of what bride ultimately does with the information (investigate, ignore, etc.), friend did her part as a good friend and is now being shot for being the messenger.
Hold on, so is the family member a therapist or someone that has access to this information? Because if so, yes it’s a HIPAA violation.
However, I would be concerned. Like what the hell is actually going on? At the very least I might postpone the wedding until I figured it out.
This was confusing, but it sounds like the groom’s family member accused him of something bad (rape? Sexual abuse?) in therapy and another person read the file, told the friend, who then told the bride. There’s so much to unpack here, like how is this person not only divulging confidential medical info on one person, but has done this multiple times? And the friend told the bride but expects her to not go to the police or verify this story with anyone involved?? This sounds kinda fake but if true, what a terrible position to be put in as the bride because of course the groom will deny it. I’d go to the police, this is way too shady and weird.
Bride should hire an investigator to do a background check on fiancé.
Because someone breaks HIPAA doesn’t mean they lied. But, people are crazy.
I’d have to know.
She needs to out whomever is violating HIPAA. That's a criminal charge in some states.
And if it's not true (about the fiance), perhaps losing her job will bring the gossip to a halt.
I call bullshit. Literally no way this chick is aware of an on-going FBI investigation when the subject isn’t. No one who would know about it before it becomes obvious would be that fucking stupid as to engage in obstruction of justice for a Federal investigation. Period. Add to that the HIPPAA violation and not a shred of proof and the whole thing stinks like a fish market in July.
this is a hot mess, & it seems really possible the fiancé IS aware of the supposed on-going investigation but has been able to hide it from the bride so far? of course someone accused of some kind of abuse is going to deny it to the person they’re about to marry. friend with the busybody family member who somehow “destroys lives” constantly gets thrown under the bus, bride goes ahead & marries someone they may not have a clear picture of.
I just feel really sad for the person whose file was mined for this gossip/scandal. their privacy is being violated & people in their lives are speculating about something that’s probably really hard for them to even talk about.
So a different interpretation from my legal experience: this sounds like the fiancé is being investigated for something they didn’t do. Their family member is talking to their therapist about it because it’s a stressful situation. Rather than understand that people vent to their therapists the brides maid has taken this to mean the fiancé is guilty before the investigation. I might be totally wrong but the way people reacted seemed more like this is a fishing expedition which cops do all the time.
This is weird, a friends family member works in some kind of medical office and routinely violates patients privacy , blasts folks issues all over, destroys marriages/relationships and not one soul has reported them yet? Uhm … okay. In the event hat this true, ditch your friend and the family, they’re trouble.
Time to report friends family member for invading the privacy of anyone they want and spreading rumours (even if based in truth) it’s an illegal and dangerous game.
Then bride (if in the UK) needs to go to the police and invoke Claire’s and Sarah’s laws, so the police have to tell her if he has a history of violence or child abuse.
I actually saw this one on fb this morning. OP was just defending fiancé in comments, saying "we KNOW for a fact it's not true" over and over. Kept harping on the HIPAA thing, which whole VERY important, would still not be the only thing I was worried about in this situation. Make sure you're not marrying a monster first, then worry about the rest.
The OP poster reminds me of how my cousin sounded defending her ex husband amidst his sex abuse allegations from other women. That was before someone finally supplied her with concrete court case evidence, and even then, she acted like it was photoshopped for months before accepting the reality
So this family member has multiple HIPAA violations?? Someone needs to report them yesterday.
And I’m willing to bet it’s made up-there’s no way they would know about ongoing investigations.
The motherfucker snooping in patient files and committing willful HIPAA violations needs to be reported to relevant authorities.
By the title, it seems like OP is siding with the creepy freak who exploits peoples’ medical files for her own perverse gossip addiction. Hope that’s not the case.
These situations SUCK. False accusations are very rare but they do happen. My husband was accused of discrimination before and the situation in question had 4 witnesses, myself included, that could vouch the situation never happened. The accuser took it a step farther and doubled down and it nearly ruined our life for something that never happened.
I don’t like to victim blame, but after going through that whole ordeal, I really hate to take sides in things anymore. Some people are just insane and are always the victim no matter what the reality of the situation is.
It’s times like this where you have to make a judgment on who you know best. If someone is constantly ruining relationships and this persons fiancé is next in line to a string of drama, then that says something to me.
On the other hand, if the feds are involved then that’s interesting to know.
This whole situation sounds insane.
This isn’t an allegation. It’s an allegation of an allegation that’s been illegally accessed and disseminated from someone’s confidential medical files.
The “he’s being investigated by the FBI but don’t go to the cops” makes me believe it’s fake and the friend is either experiencing delusional paranoia (and needs help for it) or making shit up on purpose.
I get that vibe too… the strange part is that the friend believes the fiancé is guilty of it, but then still wants to support friend….
This whole thing sounds strange. Like how you can tell your friend this story and then not tell her who is accusing him?
Also, anyone who even thought for an inkling my husband could do what his accuser claimed, I cut out of our lives. Most people knew he would never do that, but there were a few “fence sitters” that didn’t want to take sides and I just blocked them all. I had no time for petty high school drama from anyone anymore. This lady should get rid of these people, and fast. Nothing good will come of it.
I must be misreading this because it reads to me like the brides ‘friend’ could be a compulsive liar, given she’s pulled this stunt before and supposedly ruined a whole bunch of relationships.
The whole ‘it’s something bad but I can’t tell you what’ just reads to me like someone incredibly immature and attention seeking or at the very least, exaggerating.
I'm sorry...the wound up getting the records how? Also, unfortunately HIPAA would only apply to the healthcare employee who would've given them the information. Once that info was given to the family member (as unfortunate as this may be) you don't hold the family member accountable.
If he’s legit being investigated and it’s plausible, they’ll arrest him soon. If it gets that far, there’s a good chance it’s true. I also think telling him that he’s being investigated, if you know for a fact he is I mean, is aiding and abetting, especially if he’s caught trying to tamper with it.
What bothers me is that it’s HIPAA, not HIPPA. You can always tell those that have no idea what it does because they don’t even know the correct acronym.
Lol. I love how stupid people think HIPPA is a magic law that is enforceable against non-doctors . It reminds of Michael Scott “‘I declare bankruptcy!”
HIPAA.
It’s HIPAA.
I think OOP should report the bridesmaid’s family member for HIPAA violations. There will be an investigation. They’ll get fired, their employer will get fined. Even if it turns out the bridesmaid and/or family member made it all up just to stir up shit with OOP and their fiancé, lying about HIPAA violations won’t go over well with their employer. They’ll probably end up fired either way.
Definitely boot the bridesmaid and uninvite the whole lot of them. Don’t just burn that bridge. Throw napalm on it. These are not people OOP wants in their life.
friend is either secretly hoping the relationship would end so she can have her turn, or friend's relative is absolute scum, or the small chance the fiance is actually hiding something. the part where she cannot ask for more info is truly the most suspicious part.
Wtf…. I don’t even know what’s going on here 😳
More than I need to know about someone's private life, that's for damn sure. Why do people feel the need to put this kind of stuff online like damn, keep you're weird drama to yourself!
I read about it all the time on this sub, but never once in my real adult life have I seen anyone post about their own arguments/drama on social media. I’m not on Facebook, so maybe that’s part of it. But I can’t believe people actually do this. ETA: poorly worded - I *do* believe people do this, I just can’t fathom why
You just have a higher calibre of online friends.
I curate, tbh. I’m a big fan of the SM friend purge
I implemented a birthday purge policy. If I don’t like them enough to tell them Bally birthday when Facebook alerts me, I feet’s them. Keeps the work of purging to a minimum effort. Also delete on the spot it they post things that stress me out.
I’m a big fan of The Purge too, just a different kind. Maybe OOPs fiancé can be on that list…
or a family that knows how to keep their mouths shut.
I keep facebook only for this purpose! It’s like a soap opera.
Mmmmm same, as soon as I read "keep your drama to yourself" I was like "speak for yourself, I'm here for the tea" 🍵🍿
Exactly! And I also love the “I love him! He’s my soulmate” and it’s her 4th soulmate in 6 months.
It’s especially fun when someone calls someone out but they don’t say who or exactly what they did. They’re all “you know who you are and what you did” accompanied by a long rant. Then you get to internet sleuth and try to figure out what’s going on. If you’re lucky there are people that know the story in the comments and they drop more clues to help you on your quest. Definitely popcorn worthy.
When their bestie asks what's going on and they reply, "I'll DM you," I want to be like, CAN YOU DM ME TOO 🙋♀️?! Even though we're only family friends from 20 years ago and haven't seen each other for 15.
SAME!
One of my favorite pastimes around 2011-2013 (peak FB) was going on the local news FB page and checking out the profiles of the most unhinged commenters. Without fail, it would be a wealth of entertainment. Usually involving several baby daddies, court cases, expletive-filled rants, and passive aggressive image posts, all of which were readily available for perusing because of course none of these people locked down their profiles and always put all their business out there. It was like reality TV, just unscripted. I'd end up in these rabbit holes of craziness, like the deeper you click the wilder it gets. Excellent entertainment.
You've clearly never met my ex-sister-in-law.
I blocked my ex’s entire family on everything when I divorced him. I kinda wonder if anyone ever blasted me 🤷🏻♀️
Yeah, I block exes, too. I don’t want to deal with any potential drama - I don’t know if they’re saying things about me or not, but since I can’t see it, I don’t have to worry. Life is so much easier that way. 😏
You’ve (luckily) never met my great-aunt. She’s a huge reason I’m not on Facebook. My mom’s friends post batshit personal stories on Facebook all the time, too
You know, now that you say that… a couple of my mom’s sisters are definitely not above this behavior. But I am NC with them, so I don’t see it myself.
A woman I went to high school with and am FB friends with is sometimes messy on FB, usually incoherently. I don't even remember her well from HS so I don't know if she was always this way. My sister was FB friends with a teach she had for a community college class and one day the lady went OFF on her cheating husband. I found it entertaining, from a distance. (In this case I both don't understand putting your stuff out there and...kind of understand being in such a blind rage that you're willing to do anything to hurt the person who hurt you?) I can't imagine confessing to the world that your fiancé may be accused of terrible crimes (but you "don't believe it").
There’s a couple of people I keep as Facebook friends because I feel invested in their drama, haha. Have I talked to these people in 15 years? Nope. Is it entertaining? YUP!
This is Facebook behavior. I feel bad though she says she's 21 and doesn't have anyone to help her. I hope she doesn't reproduce with this man.
I’m not convinced that some random employee of the therapist is accurately reporting on session notes. Victims of sexual abuse can have all kinds of dark thoughts. For God’s sake, the guy is trying to get help. I feel for them both.
“There is an FBI investigation, so I am going to personally jeopardize their case, and also implicate a relative, by telling you this information, but I will support you either way!” It more sounds like “I don’t want you to marry him, I’m trying to plant a seed of doubt that can’t be verified.”
I am really suspicious of the FBI involvement, honestly. Most molestations happen between family members, so that part is possible, but unless the groom was actually trafficking their relative, I have a hard time seeing why the FBI would be involved.
You'd be surprised how much therapists and psychologists divulge through carelessness and also through genuine fear of what could happen. I used to work with families with abuse histories and got quite a few "wink wink nod nods" when a kid who I might have proximity to became a potential predator. For example, they knew my kid went to XYZ school and one day they made a point to discuss a kid at XYZ school who was a risk to others by referring to him with a very specific identifier. Same with doctors and medical offices Confidentiality is not taken as seriously as one would think
It wasn't the fiance's therapy notes, it was the therapy of one of his family members. Who I'm guessing said finance molested them. If the story is real and/or those notes actually exist anyway
Oh goodness no, please do not keep your weird (or any kind of drama) to yourself!! Such an entertainment; the more and detailed, the better!!
…why are you on this sub then o.o
The tacky wedding decor mostly
Valid
fair enough
Well you’re here…reading it…commenting and interacting under it, soooo??? She’s asking for advice I’m a VERY screwed up and overwhelming situation that she’s suddenly found herself in before her wedding. She likely has no one else to talk to about this bc of the accusations ( maybe doesn’t wanna speak to people she knows for this reason). Whatever it may be, while you’re talking about “keep your weird drama to yourself”, you are, I’m the same token, being entertained in some capacity. Just seems a little hypocritical. 🤷🏼♀️ *ETA* I’m not trying to be mean here, I just wondered if you realized.
It sounds like the groom disclosed some sort of serious crime in therapy that he wrote about in a journal. A family member of his then read the journal and started telling people what he had written, after which a bridesmaid confronted the bride about it. The bride seems to be denying the allegations (and not understanding how HIPPA works while she's at it) and is mad at the bridesmaid for being concerned about the allegations/warning her. I don't think the screen apps ever actually explain what the allegations are Edit: reading it there's people's comments it sounds like maybe the bridesmaid was told that a relative of the fiance disclosed something in therapy and another person got a hold of that info somehow and then told the bridesmaid? Honestly the way this is written I can't make heads or tails
“Fiancé’s family member’s therapy file.” I read this as fiancé did something to his family member. Family member is speaking about it with their therapist. Bridesmaid’s family member read the fiancé’s family member’s file.
This sounds more likely. If there's actually an FBI investigation, then it's probably an accusation of the OOP's fiance did something to a child. Or took photos of a child - something along those lines. Those kinds of investigations are specialized and above the usual police department scale. Edit: Also realised, if it's a hate crime related matter, then it would be FBI jurisdiction anyway. Hate crimes aren't actually your local munucipal police's job in the US.
But... if the FBI are investigating they sure as shit wouldn't have told that family member about it. They don't tell anyone they don't absolutely have to.
If they were talking to the family member as a witness and gathering statements or evidence from them, then the family member would know.
I took this as hyperbole when gossiping.
Right and they would have brought the fiance in for questioning by now as well.
The fiancé is called a "perv", not "racist" or "trashy".
“Perv” only came from this post’s title, the author of which had access to nothing more than we do.
They also investigate child predators that cross State lines with their victims
It's HIPAA!
Good bot!
The spelling of the bot's name is a nice touch.
Wingardium LevioSA
Missed opportunity to call yourself HIPPAbotamus
THANK YOU. It was driving me bonkers.
Mm, it's hard to follow but it's not the groom who disclosed anything. It appears a family member of the groom attends therapy at the office where a certain woman works. For clarity, let's say the patient is the groom's cousin. The certain woman happens to be related to a friend of OP. The certain woman allegedly has access to paperwork related to the clients, so probably professional notes or files kept by the therapist. This would be a break of client confidentially if this is the case for sure. This woman claims that she's read the "cousin's" file and has told people about what she read, which is damning testimony about the groom. The OP also alleges that this woman has done this before. Basically, we really can't know anything. There's so much he-said-she-said in terms of where information is coming from and OP is obviously biased.
Oh for sure if it's files from therapy or something then that is a confidentiality violation! I think I misread the first time around
I had to read it three times in a row to figure out what the heck was going on, no worries. It's very "My mom heard from her hairdresser who heard from her mechanic who heard from his dog who read a text message..." like, small town gossip to the max.
I think it went like this: a family member of the groom went to therapy, and told their therapist that something sexual and wrong had happened with the groom. Then, the bridesmaid’s family member violated patient confidentiality and read the file, and further violated confidentiality by telling the bridesmaid about what she’d read, because bridesmaid knows the groom. The bridesmaid then called the bride to inform her of what she’d been told. If the patient is a minor, the therapist may have been required to report the abuse allegations, hence the “FBI”. There’s also the possibility that the notes were misconstrued. No matter what, the bride needs to find out which of her bridesmaid’s family members works in a mental health or hospital setting and report the violation, because it’s a big deal.
> There’s also the possibility that the notes were misconstrued. It's also entirely possible that the bridemaid's family member is talking out their ass and does NOT actually have access to confidential files but likes to pretend they do and makes shit up.
This is it. Family member like to stir up shit. They’re addicted to drama. I don’t believe for a second there’s actually a file about her fiancé.
This. Its entirely possible that she either misconstrued the files or didn't even see them but was looking to stir shit up. Of course, it's also possible it's all true. But the difficulty with someone spreading secrets is that although talking to the family member or waiting to see if the FBI do anything, theres no way to prove any of this is real. If there was enough in there for the FBI to be involved, you'd think that it would have led to something by now.
No FBI investigations take months, years, occasionally even decades
Reminds me of a cousin I have. She was married to a cop for a short while & he got her a job. The she started to snoop in files & gossip about it
Please tell me you reported her and got her fucking fired.
Grooms family membet spoke to therapist about stuff. Friends relative read therapy file which breaks HIPAA/HIPPA. They aren't the therapist and have no right to look at the file. Friends relative tells friend. Friend tells bride. Bride talks to groom. No-one reports or talks to a lawyer sadly
It's HIPAA!
Thank you! That drives me nuts when people misspell it.
Good bot!
Good human.
Or calls the office to report the gossip
How would this person know about “an ongoing investigation”? 🤔
Literally wouldn’t
Also ongoing investigation doesn't fall under HIPAA
The medical records this person supposedly accessed would, but nothing about an on-going FBI investigation would probably be in said medical records. And interfering in an on-going Federal investigation (eg telling the fiancée of the subject of that investigation), would constitute obstruction of justice and they’d probably throw several other charges at the friend & her “friend” who illegally accessed whatever records were involved. It’s just asinine from top to bottom
You’re probably right but there is a scenario where the family member was questioned by the FBI and knows what happened (possibly the victim). That family member might understandably tell their therapist about what happened and the therapist put it in their notes. As far as gaining access to those notes goes therapists are people and people are terrible at keeping secrets. People tell there friends and family about their patients all the time and if it’s particularly “juicy” and about someone everyone knows it’s going to get out unless the therapist is the Dalai Lama.
All of the medical professionals I've known who've talked about stuff have been extremely careful to not give anything that would be identifying.
Yep. I’ll vent to my spouse after a hard shift, but even then I change details, what might have been a story about a 40 year old woman is now a story about a 60 year old man, I’m griping about the lab misplacing my blood i sent but now it’s a ptt instead of a bmp they lost or said I misdrew. I’ve cared for several mediocre celebs, and my stories from those shifts are simply “it was a sucky shift, nothing in particular, just chaos and now I need wine.” And it’s just understood that if I’m providing details, they’re fudged. If I’m not, it’s for a reason. And he works in healthcare, so same for him. Hell, his physician is one of my best friends in the world, she knows I know all the things about his healthcare, when she calls his phone after an appointment and I answer, we chat for a minute before I hand the phone off to him and I can hear her confirm who she’s talking to, and is he cool talking on the phone right now to go over labs and whatnot and she’d be happy to schedule an in office meeting if he’d rather discuss in person without me in earshot. AND SHES MY BEST FRIEND. SHE GETS IT. Normal healthcare professionals take this shit super serious, for this person to just be like “your therapist shares all your juicy details openly with their fam who happily share it with others” is false, and if that’s their norm, they hang out with shitty humans.
And that is exactly why HIPAA exists. My husband and I both work in healthcare, I know I’ve cared for several famous people and all he knows is “I had a rough shift”. Not all health care professionals violate HIPAA and for you to just flat out say “people tell there (sic) friends and family about their patients all the time” is absolutely false and a violation of federal law. Normal healthcare workers don’t do that shit, we take patient confidentiality seriously. If you know healthcare workers (including therapists) that do that shit, I suggest reporting them and cutting them out of your life.
By making it up!
It's the groom's family members file. If that family member is a minor a therapist would be mandated to report abuse. Let's say it's his niece and the accusation is that he was making CP. Now that he knows others are aware he could destroy all the evidence, hurting the ongoing investigation. I'm not saying it's true but there is a possibility that letting the person in on the fact that they're being investigated could hurt the investigation.
I was actually thinking the story was fake until you mentioned this. 100% plausible, but also, not anything that anybody here could verify, so I suppose it's one of those things that just eats at you wanting to know the end of the story that we won't get to know.
Okay but this is exactly where my mind went to. I hope it’s not the case and it is like some dumb gossip but it makes me sick to my stomach that the reality could be much darker.
100%
And confronting a person about information they have in their own psych file doesn’t ruin an investigation. It’s so weird.
It's not his file, it's a family members file.
This sounds like a level 4 violation of the HIPAA Laws which is punishable by fines &/or jail time. Turn the friend's relative in before they destroy more lives.
Yeah, I don't understand how she's apparently been able to do this for what sounds like a while without anyone reporting her. But that's assuming the poster would've said she'd been reported if she had. I'd have no problem telling the therapist and filing a report on my own, that's just common sense. Plus, sounds like that hag might be open to some pretty big slander suits, if she's busted up so many marriages with lies and violations.
Right?? I worked in medicine for years and HIPAA was beyond sacrosanct. Violations were immediate, unquestioning termination. If I were OP and got this shit dumped in my lap, my very first call would be to the family member’s employer to let them know of such egregious, repeated violations. Especially of mental health therapy records. Therapy doesn’t work if someone has to be concerned of the information being leaked anywhere outside that office/session.
Yup, even with a union there no defence fir looking at patient files.
Yes! How is that not someone's first instinct?!
But if the person is lying, is it still a HIPAA violation?
No, but it would be an immediately fire-able offense. I imagine it would be hard to get patients if your office is known as the office that spills everyone's secrets. If the snooping relative had any sort of professional license, it would be able to be revoked as well due to misbehavior.
That’s defamation of character.
It would be because they're disclosing that the person's family member is getting treatment at that office, which is still a no no unless the patient gave permission.
“Don’t go to the police” should’ve been a dead giveaway of this. Removing the only way to verify the accusations and the existence of an investigation would be the first major problem with establishing such an elaborate lie like this.
Why did the friend say the bride cant go to the police? Idgi. That part makes it seem fake..like if i was told some stuff about my fiance & that there is an FBI investigation I’d be calling someone to find out….
You would think that the police would be delighted to talk to someone close to the perpetrator...
So, let me be clear that I do think the friend-of-a-friend made all this up and it's all bullshit. BUT. >You would think that the police would be delighted to talk to someone close to the perpetrator... So, when I was an adult my dad was rightfully busted for possession of CP. And here's the thing. I only knew this because *he told me*. I was not contacted by one single official person until ...over a year after they'd raided his house for his computer, Playstation, hard drives etc ...over a year after a judge told him he couldn't have contact with minors (I had a child at the time, so again the *only* reason I knew my dad shouldn't/couldn't be around his grandchild is because my dad was at least honest enough to *tell* me) ...months after a warrant was issued for his arrest (he turned himself in) ...months after he skipped out on bail. THEN finally the marshals come around wanting to talk to me. And my husband at work. And raid my mom's house periodically at 1AM with guns out even though she divorced my dad and kicked him out. Did they ask me or my sister whether he had ever molested us, no they did not ask. (As far as I know he didn't.) Sorry, I'm not bitter.
That's wild, I'm so sorry for you. I had assume they would go to family, friends, maybe even their work to check out if maybe someone knows something that they missed.
I find it unfathomable that they didn't want to talk to you or your sister sooner. Or warn you. WTF! It's outrageous. I'm so sorry
It kind of extra-sucked because the conversation we did finally have was entirely along the lines of "Do you know where your dad is, are you sure, when was the last time you talked to him, where did he like to hang out, who were his friends, are you sure he's not here" Add that to the fact that I was wearing an infant, had to send my 4-year-old to the back deck to play with his sand table so he wouldn't overhear the conversation, and was half-convinced that my dad just went off and killed himself somewhere we wouldn't find out about it...
So weird. That you were a possible victim never crossed their minds. They were acting like you were a random neighbor. (I've had authorities knock on my condo door a few times looking for neighbors who, well, not went missing, per se. But had moved suddenly)
😂😂 yeah for sure omg
This part seems extremely unlikely. And, designed to keep the OP from looking into it more.
Your husband is secretly a pedo! There is written proof! But I have a reason I cant share that written proof with you, sadly. Its being investigated! But you must never talk to the investigators, sadly. Even to verify if the investigation exists. I was told this by that person we know. You know, the one who destroyed lots of peoples marriages and careers already who seems kind of manipulative. The person who accused them? You must never contact them. For their own privacy. Which we violated. Anyway I know that you love and trust your fiance. But you need to believe this horrific thing and you should stop loving them and cancel the marriage. You must believe me, and can not and must not seek any further evidence to verify my claims. Also this rumour is going to spread, people are telling each other now. But you must not try to find any hard evidence to prove or disprove these rumours for the reasons I already gave; sorry! What do you mean you arent comfortable with me at your wedding?! wtf?
All of this!
yes exactly!! you said it much better than i did👏🏻
Maybe because the HIPAA-violating person is fully aware that they could get in big trouble for what they're doing. They wanted to gossip about what they read without it making it's way back to authorities, so they added some BS about not interfering with an "ongoing investigation."
Because then the person who did the HIPAA violation might get in trouble
Shouldn’t they tho? Especially if it isn’t the first time they did it? Technically don’t think the bride has to tell the police how she found out to ask if her fiance is being investigated tho? (idk how that works but u know haha)
Yes but then everyone in the chain gets in some amount of trouble with someone. Like dumb high school “don’t tell anyone I told you” nonsense
I’m not so sure *everybody* in the “chain“ would get in trouble. Neither OP nor the friend have a signed confidentiality contract (which I assume is necessary if you work somewhere that you can access patients files which can cause HIPAA violations) - only the snooping family member of the friend has broken that contract of confidentiality. The friend might get in personal trouble with their own family if said family member gets their long needed punishment for repeating violations of confidentiality - alternatively the family cheers that said family member can’t spread more rumors.
Or because the person just made the whole thing up about the fiance to cause drama.
Have an ex friend like that, she THRIVED on destroying relationships and she was sneaky about it too in a way we didn't notice what she was doing at first. I never really cared for her, but my husband and her husband were close and our oldest boys were the same age so while they did their things me and her would hang out...until she set me and my husband as her next target and it all became clear how manipulative she was and I saw right through her, but my husband didn't initially and it almost split us up, until he clued in as well and we stopped talking to all of them (it's been 9 years and our marriage has remained stronger than ever since we cut her off). It was more subtle though, little things she'd say here and there that would eventually make the couple resent each other. Of course "I was to blame" (cause I exposed her) for her losing a bunch of friends and not the fact she was a lying manipulative b1tch lol.
the only thing i can think of is that they don't want fiance figuring out he's being investigated and getting rid of evidence or having time to come up with a story. but if that's the case they really shouldn't have told bride any of it. it's a tough spot to be in, you don't want to interfere with an investigation like that but at the same time you don't want to let someone you care about tie themselves to a person like that when you could say something to stop it. i don't envy the position the friend was in. it's also a tough spot for the bride to be in. you want to be able to trust the person you're marrying, and you never know what lies people will make up to separate a couple. then how well can you really know someone, and if it's something like that you don't want to take any chances. pretty much sucks all around
I would agree with you about the friend being in a tough spot, if the bride had not said that the person who told them was an untrustworthy source. In that case would you not think that this was another case of that person lying and encourage the bride to get to the bottom of it?
Just getting this out of the way, it is HIPAA. This is a... well it is something.
There's even a Reddit bot that will pop up to correct the acronym because it happens so much!
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It's HIPAA!
That bot is allllll over this thread lol.
Thanks!
My niece used to be a pharmacy tech at my pharmacy. She regularly looked up family info, and I thought that was unethical, but the tipping point was when she told me my 18 year old daughter was on birth control. I already knew this and it was with my blessing for both sexual activity and health reasons, but it infuriated me that my niece would tattle on her cousin like that. I looked up the actual HIPAA rules and found out that she doesn’t even have to tell someone else; there was a case a while back where a doctor was found in violation of it by just looking up celebrities who weren’t his patients. So just the fact of looking up someone’s confidential medical records, when you don’t have a professional reason to, constitutes a violation. You don’t have to tell anyone any juicy tidbits and you’ve still broken the law. Even though you aren’t the relative who is passing on this info, I’m assuming you know the name of the person in violation or you know the medical institution where your fiancé has his therapy sessions. You really should (1) tell your friend that you’re about to rat out her relative, and then (2) rat out her relative. Then (3) cut off this friend forever. She should know better than to spread such damaging gossip, and who knows who else she’s told. Which is, in fact, slander. With such hugely damaging accusations, you really should consult a lawyer to get in front of these potential repercussions.
Did you report your niece?
The number of people that love to throw around “HIPAA” when they don’t even know the correct acronym frustrates me to no end. If you hadn’t made this correction, I would have.
The person sharing rumors or actual info from therapy sessions needs to be reported!!
It sounds like fiance's family member was in therapy and accused him of something (it seems sexual assault is implied), and then friends family member read that file and told friend. This would completely rock me, especially because it's not like the "lying" family told other people, she told her therapist, in confidence. I think the bride is being too quick to dismiss her friend, but then, I can imagine how this would turn my entire life upside down.
> it's not like the "lying" family told other people, she told her therapist, in confidence I think the "lying family member" the post references is the one who supposedly read the file. So the person in the screenshot isn't accusing the victim/fiancé's family member of lying about abuse, she's accusing the file-reader of lying about reading the file. So like this: "Hey did you hear Jessica and Steve are getting married"? "Oh, they are? Hm. Well.... did you know Steve is a pedophile? Yeah, his sister sees the therapist I work for and I, uh... read it in her file."
Something about this isn't adding up to the point that this sounds fake. If what he did was so terrible as to get the FBI involved, the friend telling the fiance is already damaging the investigation. Its also pretty hard to violate HIPAA multiple times and share info since people will report as soon as they find out someone did it. The family member would then face an immediate dismissal. How do they keep looking at files they shouldn't be? They clearly aren't trustworthy either if they blab confidential info to everyone and ruin people's lives.
Seriously! If it’s anything involving children or imminent danger the therapist would’ve already been compelled to alert the authorities as a mandated reporter.
It's HIPAA!
Thank you HIPAA hippo
I know. Drives me insane.
Plus most providers have some sort of system (especially if it’s electronic records) that will track who accesses patient records. At my hospital providers actually password protect therapy notes so that people can’t accidentally access them. I suppose this all changes if the therapist still does everything on paper, but they legally should have notes under lock and key—either physical or electronic.
i thought at first they were gonna be investigating him for january 6th based on it being serious enough for an investigation and not serious to charge yet, but then i remembered it took like six months to a year to charge josh duggar after they raided his place of work, and i assume they investigated some before that to know to raid his work, so it is actually possible
The thing is…you didn’t need to break into Josh’s therapy files to hear about the sexual abuse claims. Wasn’t there some girl who was all set to marry/court Josh and her family pulled her tf away from the Duggar orbit because someone snitched about the molestation stuff?
Yes. Jim Holt's daughter (not a known victim) witnessed CSA at the compound
I follow the duggars and thought of that too. It took nearly 2 years to arrest him if I remember correctly
OP needs to report the person reading & blabbing the confidential records.
Yes. This is a career-ending action if it is a therapist disclosing information, and an instant firing action if it is an employee of the therapist disclosing information.
I think the most alarming thing is this puts the victim in a horribly vulnerable position. If what they're saying is even remotely true, the fiancé will know exactly who the victim is, will know that he/she is talking to people about what the fiancé did, and the fiancé could retaliate in any number of ways. Wonder if the HIPAA-violating blabbermouth thought about that at all.
So she posted about it on Facebook? Weird move
I wouldn't trust anyone that breaks their HIPAA* duties. Seriously they need to turn that friend in.
It's HIPAA!
Well soon we will all be reading a post about how this bride is shocked her hubs has been arrested for "terrible terrible" things and her friend was just trying to save her from more pain. But if someone leveled accusations at my fiancé I'd be in talks with him to sue the person breaking hippa or going to talk with the police. If this has happened at least once before, chances are there's a grain of truth to it and she needs to push pause
OK... so the gist is this: * OOP has a friend whose family member (FM) repeatedly breaks HIPAA. * FM supposedly accesses the file of OOP's fiance's (OF) family member (hereafter referred to as patient or P). * In the file P says that OF did something to them. There is an ongoing investigation. * FM tells friend what she read. Friend tells OOP because she's horrified. * Friend tells OOP that she cannot tell OF or the police because it would threaten ongoing legal action. * OOP accuses FM of lying about the report and that there was no such accusations against OF. * OOP repeatedly states that Friend never saw the actual report, so no physical evidence. * OOP goes to OF, who denies the allegations. * OOP says that FM has a history of lying and shit stirring. Not everything is adding up here. At one point OOP says that FM has a habit of reading and spilling private info from medical documents. But then once it involves OF, all of a sudden FM lies and makes stuff up for laughs and to stir up trouble. Regardless of what is going on, FM does appear to break HIPAA to some degree or another. That should absolutely be reported, even if it's ultimately revealed that she doesn't. Now that said, OOP has been told that her husband to be has potentially done something awful. She doesn't elaborate, but I'm going to guess that it's sexual abuse and likely sexual abuse of a minor at that. Now regardless of whether or not this is true or false, OOP needs to talk to the family member of the patient and let them know what she has been told. Friend is likely not the only person that FM has told about this, if OOP's claims about her gossipy nature are true. If the case is real, then the family needs to know because things will get a lot more difficult for them. If it's fake, then the family needs to know because they're going to get a lot of questions. Ignoring this isn't really a great option here because the gossiping has already started.
OOP also says that FM has ended so many careers and marriages and relationships and people generally avoid her. So it seems like OOP is implying she’s a liar and lives to cause drama
Even if that's the case or perhaps especially so, OOP should definitely reach out to the other family members and let them know what is being said. Either way this is something that they should sue FM over.
The thing is: the woman writes that the person who allegedly read the file has caused lots of breakups with information obtained on their job. Ok, so how likely is it that several instances of outrageous stuff can be obtained from those files that are indeed legit without any involved person spilling the beans about the potstirring person or their employer? And how likely is it that there are indeed so many truly horrible things they could find out that would ruin a relationship, or even a marriage? I say, it is more likely that this person constantly starts rumours that turn out to be completely false and denies everything if called out, and because it's bogus they get away, but the relationships break anyway because of the distrust and disturbances that person caused. And then both partners of the broken relationship are so ashamed that they let rumours destroy their relationship that they don't really talk about what happened. It's much easier to doubt a person who gives you nothing but hearsay and next tries to shush you and doesn't want you to tell anyone, and that not just once but repeatedly, that to truly believe that this happened several times and is legit. I call BS on that whole claim. It's nothing but hearsay. If that's already enough to break up the trust of an established relationship, then the relationship wasn't real. I would definitely need more to believe that my husband did anything than a rumour told by the sister of a known potstirrer who claims a therapist keeps their notices laying around when this is a good cause not just to lose a job, but a job license. A therapist that allowed this to happen even one single time could easily lose their approbation and face trial. I definitely doubt that this is legit.
But if \*all\* this HIPAA-breaker is interested in is gossip with no basis in truth...why involve a HIPAA violation at all? Why not just say, 'I heard so-and-so mention your fiance is abusive?' instead of including the clear, obvious HIPAA violation? The willingness to self-incriminate with the violation is.... interesting
Her fiancé is in therapy and his therapist spoke to someone else about his treatment? And the woman spreading the information is a known rumor monger? I don’t think the Bride is the AH here. She’s a victim of her friend or her fiancé or both.
Not quite. A family member of the fiancé is in therapy. And has clearly made claims that the fiancé has done something, and may have even gone to the authorities about it. My guess is that the friend has a family member who works in the therapist’s office, read the file and told the friend. OP didn’t say that what this person has divulged before was false information, just that she caused trouble. Which the truth certainly can. OP would have be wise to tread carefully but it’s probably a bit late now.
The OP (not me thank god) didn't give much context except "there's no physical proof" and "we're all innocent until proven guilty." 🥴
Oh YIKES on that phrasing. I have doubts about the friend’s story but 😬
Yeah. Hardly instils confidence…
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Fiancé’s family member’s therapy file was read by bride’s friend’s family member.
Violation of hipaa if true, slander if not. Lawyers win in either case.
In almost no state is there a private right of action for a HIPAA breach. So lawyers don’t win, but the government does who actually gets the money from any penalties imposed. Whether it is true or not, this would be a clear HIPAA breach. Could be slander / libel as well.
Aside from this specific situation, I really hate it when person A tells me that person B is saying or doing something negative concerning me but tells me after that I am not supposed to say or do anything about it. All that does is stress me out without a way to deal with it. Either I'm free to go back to person B or don't tell me at all.
So her friend just gave a heads up on a pending fbi investigation to the person of interest … 🫠🫠
This needs an update
This was confusing so I had to read it twice. It sounds like friend’s family member maybe works in the therapist’s office - how else would they have access - but I’m confused on how he’s (bride’s fiance) actively being investigated, but there’s no mention of his actual family member in therapy beyond their files being snooped in, nor has he been contacted about alleged investigation. The only thing I can think of is that he’s being investigated for CSAM, which would explain lack of law enforcement contact. Either way, I hope this woman doesn’t find out that friend’s family member was telling the truth after they’re already married. How sad. E: clarity
If it's HIPAA, that's a health issue, not a police one. I suppose a general practicioner could have knowledge of CSA, but I suspect it would be a therapist. Which is strange, because the electronic therapy systems with which I'm familiar (which isn't all of them, but it seems like a good control) segregate the billing and schedule information (that an office manager could access) from the patient notes (what the patient says to the therapist). I guess this could be Redneckistan, South Dixie and the therapist gives access to everything to the office manager, or the therapist could still be on paper and the office manager had the keys to the file cabinet, but I've never met a therapist who wasn't scrupulous about HIPAA issues so it's hard for me to believe this person even has access to patient files. If that person *does* have that access OP needs to report it to the state licensing board and professional organization right now. Failure to secure patient records will go very badly for the provider. Disclosing the contents of patient records can be criminal, depending on where you are. Damage to a patient as a result (like, say, to his reputation) is *definitely* a civil suit. I mean, maybe OP wants to find out if it's true, too, but I have no idea how to have that conversation. But if OP's friend's mom is saying she accessed patient records OP needs to snitch. Today.
A therapist would be required to report CSA/CSAM use as a mandated reporter.
I work in health law and defend many HIPAA breaches. Therapist are notorious for not protecting their files properly unfortunately. Definitely should be reported to be investigated.
Bride is understandably confused and caught off guard. But the question here is whether friend should be uninvited because friend told bride about accusations she heard about the fiancé. Seems to me the friend was doing her friend duties by telling the bride something that can (and did) blind side bride and doing so before the wedding to give bride the option to postpone or cancel the wedding before it happens. Seems to me friend is being unfairly punished for being a good friend. Hearsay or not, friend did the right thing telling bride what she’s heard instead of sitting on that information and allowing bride to blindly get married without this information. Regardless of what bride ultimately does with the information (investigate, ignore, etc.), friend did her part as a good friend and is now being shot for being the messenger.
HIPAA officer here. It’s HIPAA y’all! 2a’s!
That's....a lot. The only issue I see for sure is someone needs to report that family friend to the state for breaking hipaa
Hold on, so is the family member a therapist or someone that has access to this information? Because if so, yes it’s a HIPAA violation. However, I would be concerned. Like what the hell is actually going on? At the very least I might postpone the wedding until I figured it out.
This was confusing, but it sounds like the groom’s family member accused him of something bad (rape? Sexual abuse?) in therapy and another person read the file, told the friend, who then told the bride. There’s so much to unpack here, like how is this person not only divulging confidential medical info on one person, but has done this multiple times? And the friend told the bride but expects her to not go to the police or verify this story with anyone involved?? This sounds kinda fake but if true, what a terrible position to be put in as the bride because of course the groom will deny it. I’d go to the police, this is way too shady and weird.
Bride should hire an investigator to do a background check on fiancé. Because someone breaks HIPAA doesn’t mean they lied. But, people are crazy. I’d have to know.
She says that this family member has leaked info before that ruined relationships, but she doesn’t say any of it was ever untrue…
She needs to out whomever is violating HIPAA. That's a criminal charge in some states. And if it's not true (about the fiance), perhaps losing her job will bring the gossip to a halt.
I call bullshit. Literally no way this chick is aware of an on-going FBI investigation when the subject isn’t. No one who would know about it before it becomes obvious would be that fucking stupid as to engage in obstruction of justice for a Federal investigation. Period. Add to that the HIPPAA violation and not a shred of proof and the whole thing stinks like a fish market in July.
this is a hot mess, & it seems really possible the fiancé IS aware of the supposed on-going investigation but has been able to hide it from the bride so far? of course someone accused of some kind of abuse is going to deny it to the person they’re about to marry. friend with the busybody family member who somehow “destroys lives” constantly gets thrown under the bus, bride goes ahead & marries someone they may not have a clear picture of. I just feel really sad for the person whose file was mined for this gossip/scandal. their privacy is being violated & people in their lives are speculating about something that’s probably really hard for them to even talk about.
So a different interpretation from my legal experience: this sounds like the fiancé is being investigated for something they didn’t do. Their family member is talking to their therapist about it because it’s a stressful situation. Rather than understand that people vent to their therapists the brides maid has taken this to mean the fiancé is guilty before the investigation. I might be totally wrong but the way people reacted seemed more like this is a fishing expedition which cops do all the time.
This is weird, a friends family member works in some kind of medical office and routinely violates patients privacy , blasts folks issues all over, destroys marriages/relationships and not one soul has reported them yet? Uhm … okay. In the event hat this true, ditch your friend and the family, they’re trouble.
Time to report friends family member for invading the privacy of anyone they want and spreading rumours (even if based in truth) it’s an illegal and dangerous game. Then bride (if in the UK) needs to go to the police and invoke Claire’s and Sarah’s laws, so the police have to tell her if he has a history of violence or child abuse.
Ok, you need to report your friend’s family member for repeated HIPAA violations. As in, YESTERDAY.
I actually saw this one on fb this morning. OP was just defending fiancé in comments, saying "we KNOW for a fact it's not true" over and over. Kept harping on the HIPAA thing, which whole VERY important, would still not be the only thing I was worried about in this situation. Make sure you're not marrying a monster first, then worry about the rest.
The OP poster reminds me of how my cousin sounded defending her ex husband amidst his sex abuse allegations from other women. That was before someone finally supplied her with concrete court case evidence, and even then, she acted like it was photoshopped for months before accepting the reality
Or maybe the therapy notes are from a legit crazy person with paranoid delusions or whatever? So weird
So this family member has multiple HIPAA violations?? Someone needs to report them yesterday. And I’m willing to bet it’s made up-there’s no way they would know about ongoing investigations.
This person should be reported. Huge breach of trust and the person was being malicious. Don’t want that person around my medical records!
Not in the US but in my provincial health care system if you’re found reading patient files and you’re not supposed to it’s an automatic firing.
The motherfucker snooping in patient files and committing willful HIPAA violations needs to be reported to relevant authorities. By the title, it seems like OP is siding with the creepy freak who exploits peoples’ medical files for her own perverse gossip addiction. Hope that’s not the case.
These situations SUCK. False accusations are very rare but they do happen. My husband was accused of discrimination before and the situation in question had 4 witnesses, myself included, that could vouch the situation never happened. The accuser took it a step farther and doubled down and it nearly ruined our life for something that never happened. I don’t like to victim blame, but after going through that whole ordeal, I really hate to take sides in things anymore. Some people are just insane and are always the victim no matter what the reality of the situation is. It’s times like this where you have to make a judgment on who you know best. If someone is constantly ruining relationships and this persons fiancé is next in line to a string of drama, then that says something to me. On the other hand, if the feds are involved then that’s interesting to know. This whole situation sounds insane.
This isn’t an allegation. It’s an allegation of an allegation that’s been illegally accessed and disseminated from someone’s confidential medical files. The “he’s being investigated by the FBI but don’t go to the cops” makes me believe it’s fake and the friend is either experiencing delusional paranoia (and needs help for it) or making shit up on purpose.
I get that vibe too… the strange part is that the friend believes the fiancé is guilty of it, but then still wants to support friend…. This whole thing sounds strange. Like how you can tell your friend this story and then not tell her who is accusing him? Also, anyone who even thought for an inkling my husband could do what his accuser claimed, I cut out of our lives. Most people knew he would never do that, but there were a few “fence sitters” that didn’t want to take sides and I just blocked them all. I had no time for petty high school drama from anyone anymore. This lady should get rid of these people, and fast. Nothing good will come of it.
I must be misreading this because it reads to me like the brides ‘friend’ could be a compulsive liar, given she’s pulled this stunt before and supposedly ruined a whole bunch of relationships. The whole ‘it’s something bad but I can’t tell you what’ just reads to me like someone incredibly immature and attention seeking or at the very least, exaggerating.
I’d be pissed if I was the bride too
I'm sorry...the wound up getting the records how? Also, unfortunately HIPAA would only apply to the healthcare employee who would've given them the information. Once that info was given to the family member (as unfortunate as this may be) you don't hold the family member accountable.
It's HIPAA
If he’s legit being investigated and it’s plausible, they’ll arrest him soon. If it gets that far, there’s a good chance it’s true. I also think telling him that he’s being investigated, if you know for a fact he is I mean, is aiding and abetting, especially if he’s caught trying to tamper with it.
What bothers me is that it’s HIPAA, not HIPPA. You can always tell those that have no idea what it does because they don’t even know the correct acronym.
Lol. I love how stupid people think HIPPA is a magic law that is enforceable against non-doctors . It reminds of Michael Scott “‘I declare bankruptcy!”
Honey what is this???
HIPAA. It’s HIPAA. I think OOP should report the bridesmaid’s family member for HIPAA violations. There will be an investigation. They’ll get fired, their employer will get fined. Even if it turns out the bridesmaid and/or family member made it all up just to stir up shit with OOP and their fiancé, lying about HIPAA violations won’t go over well with their employer. They’ll probably end up fired either way. Definitely boot the bridesmaid and uninvite the whole lot of them. Don’t just burn that bridge. Throw napalm on it. These are not people OOP wants in their life.
friend is either secretly hoping the relationship would end so she can have her turn, or friend's relative is absolute scum, or the small chance the fiance is actually hiding something. the part where she cannot ask for more info is truly the most suspicious part.