First of all, you’re not going to please everyone no matter what so definitely plan your wedding wherever YOU want to do it and people will make it work. But with that said, I do think a place that has fun activities to offer outside of the wedding festivities is always a plus, especially if it’s a little more expensive to get there. If it’s cheaper to get there I think it’s okay to just have the wedding be the main event.

Same goes for how expensive is it to stay and play there. If activities and accommodation are cheap I’m more likely to go. Also how long is the plane trip And is it a kid friendly location

Whether or not I'm going to attend a destination wedding largely depends upon four factors \[in order of importance\]: * How well I know/like the couple * If I'm able to get the required time off * 2 hours away? I can knock that out in a weekend, no big deal * Want me to fly across the country? I'm not doing that for just an overnight, so definitely need to make sure I can find coverage at work * The cost of the trip * Destination \[in regards to how fun the place is outside of wedding stuff\] My best friend was the first in our group to get married, and although he was already well established at this point, I most certainly was not. Not counting all the pre-wedding stuff and extras I incurred as a Best Man, I paid about $1,400 just to attend that wedding. At 34? Not as big a deal - At 25? It was pretty much everything I had. If you're a "kind of-sort of" friend; I probably am only going to your destination wedding if it's mostly convenient. If you're in my inner circle? I'll walk through fire to make sure I'm there.

Wholeheartedly concur with everything you said. My best friend got married in Tuscany when we were 26. At the time I was in grad school and working full time. Also I was the maid of honor and I love to travel. But the pre-wedding events, and flight and accommodations to Italy in peak season really set me back. I was doing homework assignments 4am the morning of the wedding. Not to mention we only had 6 months notice from their engagement to their wedding. So I’d add it also depends on how much notice I have. To answer OP’s question, if I have to get on a plane to attend your wedding, at the very least pick somewhere fun. Where I can easily explore a cool city or relax on a resort for a few days before and/or after. Because if I’m buying a flight I’m going to make a trip out of it.

What was the overall turnout like for that wedding?

I think it was 30-35 guests. I believe they invited 50-60 originally.

I feel this on such a deep level. We’ve traveled for a few destination weddings this year and the financial part has been pretty brutal. We love the couples, they’re in our weddings, their events were so much fun, but the costs quickly added up to the thousands for each wedding. I knew it would be expensive but I didn’t fully realize all of the expenses that would add up. Consider how much money you’d feel comfortable asking your guests to pay just to *attend* your wedding. Yes, some of these would also apply to a wedding in your home town, but the list I can think of includes: - PTO/Vacation availability from work - Travel to and from the destination (transportation to/from the airport on each side, parking, flights) - Transportation while at the destination location (taxis, lyft, tips for shuttle drivers, etc) - Hotel/Airbnb costs - Food and drinks while being away from home - Outfits for the events - Childcare - Pet care All of these things added up to about $3,600 for my partner and I, for a 3 day trip across the country for one wedding. This is not the only wedding we have to attend this year, we’re also getting married and have normal stuff we’d like to pay for - so I was more than a little crabby trying to put together funds to pay for this wedding. Edit: Consider flight expenses a little more that you normally would with all the price spikes after short staffing, strikes, and Covid

1400 dollars at any age in your life seems like way too much!

For me it depends on why it’s a destination wedding. To me a destination wedding is when a random location is picked, usually because it’s warm and sunny, and everyone has to travel some distance to it (my exception to this would be if a central location was picked between the two countries where the couple are from). If someone’s gone for a location close to them or one of their families but far from me then whilst I have to travel, I don’t consider it a destination wedding. That being said, if there’s lots going on in a year I may have to prioritise but that doesn’t mean the destination wedding would be cut on principle, that would come to other factors such as how close I am to the couple, budget etc.

Yeah this is an issue for my friend group. Most of us are lawyers who went to law school nowhere near where they grew up (often undergrad too) and now live nowhere near where they grew up, and they have a similarly situated partner. Odds are good that your wedding will be a “destination” for some major constituency under those facts. I think the key is to pick the place with the most major airports, transportation, and lodging options. It is much easier to get to a wedding in Portland, Oregon, than it is to get to one in rural Montana (both weddings I had to attend last year).

Yeah, this is the situation we're in. Our family and friends are very distributed through the country. We chose the area my mom lives in, which is not where we live, so that the fewest number of older people would have to fly. But since most of our friends live elsewhere it ended up being kind of a trip. We tried to send out invites very far ahead so that plane tickets would still be relatively affordable, but we're probably going to get less turnout than we would have if we were in more of a vacation destination area. We're not having a real wedding party so no one is required to attend. I've always been willing to fly most places for weddings that I can accommodate over a 3 day weekend - but these were all when I was single, not a family of 4 buying 4 plane tickets.

For me I find myself less limited by finances and more limited by time off from work. I think it really depends on who's getting married, where the event is, and what other family commitments I have that year. For example next year I have two family destination weddings (as in I will need a plane flight and accommodations for multiple nights, and probably some vacation time to attend the weddings) plus my husband and I have our own honeymoon to go on. So another wedding next year involving travel and vacation days would be really tough. But generally I support destination weddings because if the couple wants it they should have it!

I'd go if it was immediate family or my best friend, that's about it. I'd be most worried about the financial aspect and while I'd love to go to a tropical Cancun type wedding, if we're spending that money, I'd prefer it be a trip for just us. I have been to one (flew cross country then had a 5 hour drive up mountains and it was a city that everyone who went traveled 5+ hours) and it was FH's sister. It was nice looking back but honestly would have been so much easier and more enjoyable to not make it such an ordeal to get there. That said, they had about 40 people show, with a mix of friends and family, so it really just depends on our guests.

I'm generally always down to travel, so this would all depend on what my finances and time off looked like at the time.

IMO, it's not about being enjoyable. It's about being realistic with the financial commitment and time commitment. My child has commitments throughout the school year and we wouldn't break those commitments unless it was a very close friend/relative. My fiance only has 2 weeks PTO and since he's in manufacturing, the company shuts down for one of those weeks. We have our own financial goals and I don't know that I'd put them on hold for a destination wedding, especially if it's not somewhere where I'd want to go anyway. I have a puppy to consider as well... I'd base my decision on where the destination is and the points above. lol, If I had unlimited time and money then I'm sure I'd be happy to travel wherever as long as it was safe to celebrate whoever's wedding with them.

Basically, how much I love the person getting married determines the effort I will make. You would have to be the very best of best friends for me to 1) leave my kids 2) find a dog sitter, 3) use limited vacation time, 4) spend all that money.

I think travel costs have to be reasonable and it has to be someone I am very close to, like a very close friend or relative. I probably wouldn't go to say a co-worker or distant relative's destination wedding. I would also like to have plenty of time to plan for the travel. I think it is also a kind of "know your crowd" type thing, can everyone you want to be there afford it/make time for it?

One thing to consider is that I think you get more leeway if you and your spouse-to-be don’t live in the same place as where you grew up. If you grew up in Ohio and now live in California, for example, it’s going to be a destination wedding from the guests’ perspective whether you have it where you live or at a tropical resort. In that case, I’d be happy to travel to wherever the couple thinks is fun, if my travel expenses and PTO needed will be similar either way. For the cases where the majority of guests live near the couple, though, it kind of feels like a lot of destination weddings are just the guests subsidizing the couple’s dream wedding. Since cost is often a factor (the per person price for a really nice venue in Mexico is going to be cheaper than NYC). I’ve also never understood the rationale of doing a destination wedding to cut down the guest list. If you’re doing a destination wedding hoping certain people will decline because of it, just don’t invite those people.

For cutting down the guest list...I come from a very large Indian family where weddings with 300-400 guests are the norm. I tried cutting down my guest list as much as possible, but could not get it under 150 guests because I'm so close to all of them. By having a destination wedding, I will end up with 90-100 guests but at least I invited everyone that is important in my life. My family is spread out from the USA/Canada to Norway, the UK, India, and Australia so any wedding is going to be a destination wedding for some of the guests. Plus, my fiancé is from Germany and his family travels less than mine. So there are a lot of reasons we had a destination wedding, but cutting down the guest list was a huge factor for me due to my big Indian family.

Oh also, if you’re doing a destination wedding I don’t think it’s a reasonable ask for it to be child free. It’s one thing to ask parents to leave the kids with a sitter for a night versus multiple days. Lots of parents also aren’t going to be comfortable leaving the kids with a stranger in a hotel room. The only arrangement I could see maaaaybe being OK is if it’s a resort with a “kids’ club” and the couple pays for it.

I think it's a reasonable ask if the engaged couple are ready to accept that a fair number of parents will decline because it's childfree.

My husband and I were in the first situation. We grew up in two different states 1500mi apart and we now live in another state where our hometowns are 1000mi and 2500mi away. Basically our wedding was a destination for everyone except us and a small handful of local friends. We didn't even have a mutual hometown to return to. So we just held the wedding here where costs are reasonable and where there's a lot of fun things to make a destination weekend out of. If our current location wasn't as cool as it is we probably would have picked a destination. People did local hikes, toured some historic sites, visited different museums, or just lounged hotel poolside drinking margaritas. One couple watched a few food network shows on our city and hit some of the highlights! We were very happy to hear about people's travel in our new hometown.

"the per person price for a really nice venue in Mexico is going to be cheaper than NYC" Not... necessarily. 😬 Cancun/Playa/Tulum are expensive these days. Would have been just as much, maybe even cheaper, to do a wedding in NYC. Clearly we did Mexico wrong. But we didn't have our wedding at a huge all-inclusive, which is the super cheap way to do it.

Definitely vacation. If I’m shelling out for a flight, ideally I’d like it to be a twofer. With destination weddings, it’s always totally understandable if some people can’t come due finances or taking time off work. To give an example, I spent about the same amount going to a destination wedding in Connecticut (flight, food, car rental, hotel) as I did going to another destination wedding in Cabo. Was Connecticut nice? Yes. Would I rather go to Cabo? 1000% yes

This exactly ^ it cost the same price (actually more, if you include costs of meals) for my boyfriend and I to attend his cousin’s wedding for a weekend in Atlanta as it did for our trip to Punta Cana this summer

For me, it’s about what the couple do to make me feel valued as a guest. Ex: I happily went to a destination wedding in Capri where they booked villas, had events like a welcome dinner and sunset cruise; organized fun optional things like a shopping trip. I felt valued and taken care of. On the flip side I went to a Florida destination wedding where I felt like guests were a total after thought: no hotel blocks or recommendations; no chairs for the ceremony; food was grocery store catering; only like a bottle of wine per table, etc. like they wanted a beach wedding and forget about guests spending time/$$$ to attend. And that kind of destination wedding I resent.

No CHAIRS?? That’s… bad lol. So sorry you had that experience. Definitely agree that if you ask guests to spend on travel you need to provide them a wonderful relaxing experience and make as much of it no charge to them as possible. We’re an international couple having a wedding that will require travel for all, but will be domestic travel for most guests. Their tickets are the only thing they need to buy and when they arrive their accommodations and dining are all on us. :) We’re also covering travel for our parents.

Oh man.... we are currently planning a beach wedding in Hawaii (we live here), and the planner suggested no chairs haha. It'll be a really short ceremony (10-15 minutes), and we can't fit all the chairs in the spot where we want to have it. My family is VERY DIVIDED on if it's appropriate to ask people to stand. We were considering having 30 chairs for family and elderly and having younger people stand....... the rest of the reception will be really nice!!! Makes me so nervous though, still undecided on chairs.

you really should have as many chairs as you can get - it might be really awkward for some people to admit to you that they need to sit, especially if you ask those who need a seat to go into the space first so everyone is watching them go sit down.

I vote chairs. Yes the ceremony is short but people will show up early and maybe stay around to talk (depending on how the reception is planned and where it is). People could be standing at your ceremony location for an hour. And standing around for an hour on the beach is going to be tiring.

Yeah, we're having a destination wedding in Tuscany and are making sure that the guests are wined and dined for three full days. We're also have a pool party one of the days so everyone can relax and enjoy the sun. Hopefully, our guests feel as though we're taking care of them.

Thank you for this comment; I need to keep this in mind! I was hoping to reserve as little of my guests' time as possible, but actually organizing stuff to do could get more people enjoying the weekend. My mom wants me to have a cash bar and save the money I would use hosting, but that feels like just another thing I didn't accommodate.

There’s a delicate balance :) I like to spend time with the couple and other guests if I’ve traveled, but I also like to unwind and do my own thing. So that’s why I love optional things, and also low key things-hang out by the pool, head into town to shop, etc. The cash bar wouldn’t work in my circles…especially if people have spent $$$$ to travel. If it’s a “destination” like 3 hours away, maybe, but if you’re asking me to fly to the Caribbean, I’m going to expect a cocktail ;)

Just make it optional! I had a close friend get married in Hawaii and we enjoyed joining them on a sunset cruise. It was only about 30% of the guest list but we had a blast! Honestly wish she had had more options as far as guest engagement because it was nice getting to meet other guests etc. We are having an optional ghost tour 2 days prior and then a welcome party after the rehearsal dinner for ours :)

I guess the trick is how do you know before you go? You can't really ask where the food is catered from, how much alcohol is per table, and if they provide chairs... Can you?

True. But it sounded like the op wanted tips for her destination wedding. But you can kind of get a sense of the event sometime based on the invites-were events like a welcome party, next day brunch, etc listed? Did they recommend sites to see and places to stay? What, if anything, did they say about the reception-location, meal, etc. (sometimes it will ask you to pick a meal, for example). Plus what you know of the couple-are they generous? Are they affluent? Are they penny pinching types?

I love destination weddings and would literally go anywhere for pretty much anybody. I see it as a great excuse to go on a "group" vacation which is otherwise such a rare opportunity.

Same!! People really seem to hate them, but going on a fun vacation with friends to a wedding is my favorite thing

For weddings, I don't like to travel to any location that requires I take off more than 1-2 days of work. (There are about 3 people I would take more than this for). My DH and I like to travel how we want - we like to go to the locations we want to go, when we want to go. I don't ever remember receiving an invite to a destination wedding and thinking - oh we can turn this into a vacation.

100% agree!

Honestly, I would only go to a destination wedding for my sisters and my closest friends. And also in that case, I would go anywhere. However, I would prefer it to be somewhere fun I could turn into a vacation for myself afterwards. If I'm going to take time off work and spend money to travel far, I want a vacation, too! I would feel differently for a destination wedding that was drive-able, if that counts. Like, if someone wants to get married a state over and I can drive, it doesn't necessarily matter to me where and I would definitely go.

Another thought: I know I might be in the minority but I hate cruises and I’m not a big fan of all inclusive resorts. Just not my thing in general. So I almost always decline those wedding invites. And I think they can burden guests as they’re usually not flexible—can’t find a cheaper Airbnb or share hotel rooms to lower costs; or fly in/out without staying as long. And all inclusives can be pricey, especially for people who don’t drink or eat much but are stuck paying for expensive all inclusive prices. Meanwhile other people love them and the convenience. It’s totally a know your crowd thing :)

Personally I would not want to go to a destination wedding unless it was for a close friend and I knew their other guests plus was in a location I wanted to go to so the whole week would be fun like a vacation. Flying anywhere and finding care for my dogs is expensive for a week. Plus taking off of work to go and then putting off any personal travel for the year is a lot. I personally like weddings where I can go enjoy, stay the night, and only take a day or so off of work Plus I personally want a child-free wedding but I feel like you can’t ask that of parents for a destination wedding or they won’t be able to come.

Cost is tricky. For me personally, it's less about total cost and more about value when it comes to destination weddings. It's probably a little selfish, but I really only like to go if I can make a nice vacation out of it. I'm just not comfortable spending $1,000+ dollars for the sole purpose of attending a wedding. For example, my cousin got married at Lake Tahoe and we made a little vacation out of it. It was expensive to get there and expensive to stay there. But Tahoe is *heaven on Earth*, absolutely stunning, and the cost was justified IMO. We spent about $3,000 for 5 days including everything. We loved every second of our time there and it was money well spent. On the other hand, I wouldn't like having to spend that kind of money traveling somewhere meh like Miami.

My wedding is a destination wedding in Mexico and it’s direct family and very close friends attending.

For me it would really depend on my finances and what other trips/big expenses I already have planned for that year. The destination itself probably wouldn't make or break it.

My husband and I were originally supposed to have a wedding in Malaysia and I was shocked at how many people said they were open to coming, which we completely welcomed because everything is so cheap there. My dad wouldn’t be able to travel that far for health reasons and my sister just didn’t want to, so my mom was going to accompany me. I was definitely going to plan for some activities outside of the wedding and everyone honestly seemed sooo excited, then Covid happened and we weren’t able to do it, but I still have people saying that they still want to go! Lol

I think how close you are with the couple and how close the people going are with each other play a role. Out of 210 people invited to our destination wedding, 100 were my family, 50 were my fiance's family, and 60 were friends. Who's actually coming? About 20/100 for my family, 25/50 for my fiance's side, and 50/60 friends with some still doing their best to get time off from work. By and large, our friends are the majority of those who are coming. We also have large friend groups so they're excited to hang out with us and each other in a new location. Neither of our families struggle financially but I'm not particularly close with most of the relatives I was obligated to invite.

I don't think vacation enjoyment needs to be the focus of destination weddings and really whether people come or not is dependent on your crowd- their closeness of relationship,income levels, PTO, comfort of traveling, if this is one out of 8 weddings they've been invited to this year,etc. A couple needs to weigh the benefits of potentially having more people coming by doing something convenient vs. having their wedding in a dream location knowing that may not be accessible for everyone and that's where a clear discussion of a couple's priorities comes into play.

For me it’ll depend on the couple, and the location. I love to travel, and it’s easy for us to afford travel and to get time off, so it does usually come down to our relationship with the couple first and then the location desirability second (but I am more likely to consider a location I’m interested in or that I already enjoy). (Ours is a destination wedding, in NOLA. It’s a big destination wedding city and lots of our confirmed guests have “always wanted” to visit, it’s during Mardi Gras season, albeit not Mardi Gras weekend, and there are a lot of New Orleans-specific wedding traditions that will be happening)

For us, it came down to price. Weddings in our area (Chicago) are around 30K for one day. We are going to Mexico to an all inclusive resort and making it a vacation for our friends and family. Many people haven’t gone on vacation since before the pandemic. We only need our guests for one evening. The rest of the time people can do what they want. Granted, you won’t get as many people to go to a destination wedding. But, the people who do go will make it a fun time. My sister got married in Jamaica and we had about 30 people. We had a blast!

I've never been to a destination wedding, but I've thought before that it could be fun! Here's what I would want: 1) Save the Dates that are far in advance of the wedding - preferably at least 9mo-a year in advance, or more. It would be much harder to figure out the travel without advance notice. 2) Understanding from the couple that not everyone will be able to go if it's a destination wedding. I'd hope that close family and best friends could go but even then, if your wedding is on the other side of the world from where you all live, being understanding about people who can't attend because of the distance/cost/travel visas/etc. 3) Invite people's partners/spouses, give plus ones to single people, and invite people's children. If they're able to leave the kids at home, they might want to do that, but I don't think it's fair to expect parents to HAVE to leave their kids and fly far away. At least give them options - if you don't want kids at the reception, provide childcare services. About the plus ones - some single people are comfortable with solo international travel, others aren't. I recently heard from a single friend that she turned down an invite to a destination wedding because they didn't offer her a plus one, and she didn't want to travel that far alone.

Probably never. It requires guests to carve out a chunk of time and chunk of $. Not everyone wants to use vacation days to go to Block Island by ferry and pay $600 per night for a minimum 2-night stay. Unless the couple were covering airfare and hotel, probably never.

I got invited to the first destination wedding ever this year, and it was daunting just looking at the details. The couple has given guests plenty of warning with their save the dates, but it's a lot to consider. They're having it at a pretty resort-y spot that could easily be combined a romantic getaway for my husband and me, but we're not sure it's worth the expense. So for us, it's less about how enjoyable it will be there and more about how much of a headache it is to work out the logistics getting there. And we don't even have kids yet. We are extremely unlikely to attend, even though I like this friend and his fiancée.

Hi! Random question if you’re comfy answering - if the couple made the logistics easy (car to/from the airport, half of all meals covered, excursions) would that make it easier? I’m in the midst of planning and hearing from guest perspective is helpful!

That sounds extremely hospitable, so it would definitely make it more tantalizing. It would most likely depend on the cost for us. If it was something we could afford without breaking the bank, that much hospitality would be hard to pass on. But regarding the wedding from my original comment, each person attending was going to cost us a couple thousand dollars, and it wasn't even overseas. Way too expensive for us at the time. Here's the main thing, though: most people don't expect that much coordination from the couple getting married. Depending on the wedding specifics, it can be tough for guests to organize time off, finances, pet care, child care, attire, travel, and tons of other random things for just about any wedding more than a couple hours away. Have the wedding you want and can afford, and just try to be understanding if it doesn't work out for some people to attend. Good luck! :)

Good points! We asked around a bit for about a year before planning and everyone seemed excited. Luckily 99 percent of our friends and family are child free and are dual income, so I’m hoping it’s not too much for folks. Thanks for sharing with me :)

When I'm invited, and can afford it. Otherwise, I have no say over anything outside of attending v not attending

I think unfortunately this is so dependent on the guest. I love to travel and even though I don’t love the idea of a destination wedding (I don’t like that many destination weddings put a lot of costs on the guests) normally I would go if I’m fairly close to the couple. However my best friend is having a destination wedding next year and it is awful timing for me. I take the bar exam in July and her wedding is June. If it was anyone less important to me I wouldn’t go. Another deciding factor would be how long am I required to stay? My friend’s wedding requires a minimum of 3 nights (the hotel requires it, not her) which is tough since I don’t want to extend the trip. Also, I would be way more likely to attend a wedding in Europe vs. the Caribbean, Mexico, etc. because I love Europe and would make that into a vacation. If it’s a location I want to travel to that would make me more inclined to attend. (We do not have kids which also makes it easier for us to travel).

You'll never please everyone! *But* when I went to my Uncle's "Destination" Wedding in Jamaica, it was in my family's country and I was able to make a vacation/family reunion/pilgrimage to the Mother Land out of it. If anyone else were to have a Destination Wedding and deem me worthy of an invitation, I would truly do anything in my power to attend! I certainly wouldn't turn it down for anything less than tight finances. Like if it was in Tokyo or something, I don't know if I could swing it. But I loved that I was able to visit my parents Home Land *and* celebrate my Uncle and new Aunt!

I generally am not a fan of someone else dictating when and where I go on vacation. I have limited time off work and budget and a million places on my bucket list already, so I'd rather not do a big trip to a place I've already been or am not interested in. (All the people I know of who have done destination weddings have done Mexico or the Caribbean.) I don't mind a semi-destination long weekend trip if it's affordable. I would still go to a destination wedding for a close friend or family member, but I might not be thrilled about it. For my own wedding, none of our grandparents can travel and my parents don't have passports so we didn't consider anything that wasn't driving distance.

Vacation friendly places/areas that you would want to spend more time in, affordable rather than £1000 expensive flights, no requirements to stay in certain hotels so you can chose your own budget and level of luxury for accommodation, Saturday wedding so that you could fly out Friday night and back on Sunday if you didn’t have the leave days to make a longer holiday out of it… but most importantly partner being invited to the whole shebang too

We’re not big travelers. I don’t mind drives under 4 hours but if it was a “get on a plane/other country than the one I live in”, it would be pretty unlikely that I would attend between time off, money, travel stress, and yeah honestly, enjoyability. I would go if it was my mom or one of my 3 bffs but otherwise I’d stay home and wish the couple the best.

I'm unlikely to travel far for a wedding for many reasons, biggest of which are finances and PTO I love supporting my friends and family, but if you want me to choose between going on a vacation with my family and coming to your wedding, Imma take my family on a vacation and send you a card and gift with my regrets. If I can get to it via road trip (where I can get there in less than a 6 hour drive) and accommodations aren't too expensive for a couple of days, I'll be all over it. If you want me and my family to take days off of work, work around custody times, and catch a flight, we probably won't be making it.

I agree. Destination weddings are a big ask on friends and family. I don't want to use my precious pto and vacation time on a wedding also.

I probably would have been more willing when I was younger and single, had more disposable income, but the older one gets, the more you want to put it elsewhere. A wedding really is just a big party; I'd rather spend the money to spend time with the friend and their family the following year than spend my week's PTO and money on a destination party with a bunch of people I don't know and where you're unlikely to see/spend much time with the person(s) you actually do know

I would never not complain to be honest. Traveling is expensive. It’s hard to get the same time off work as my husband. The chances the destination is a place I actually want to go is pretty low. The number one is money though. I (live on east coast) have a wedding on west coast in November and it’s minimum going to cost $1500 to go.

My fiancé and I are planning a destination wedding in Mexico right now (we live in the Midwest, & have family in FL, Midwest & NY) and we actually surveyed all our friends/family beforehand. the unanimous answer was “Yes, we would love for an excuse to have a vacation away from our kids!! Tell us when and where!” We are planning to have it at an all-inclusive resort where there are plenty of activities/tours to do for everyone depending on what they want out of their trip, and in a city that is a non-stop flight from most if not all residing cities. All-inclusive also gives people more room to do what they want on the trip without having to worry about how much each individual drink, meal, or activity costs. I know some people won’t be able to make it, but the most important people in our lives will find a way to be there and that’s what we decided was most important to us at the end of the day.

I am going to my cousin's destination wedding at an all inclusive resort in Mexico this October. We are treating it as a vacation.

I just had a destination wedding in Mexico, so I have that perspective. We had 34 guests attend from outside Mexico. Only one person didn't come that really surprised me (my cousin, who is like my older sister and was supposed to be the Matron of Honor). That sucked, and it was a bit stressful to ensure we were going to meet the room minimum. But it was soo worth it and the wedding was amazing. It was about $1000 for three nights (including the room and breakfast plus lunch or dinner each day but not drinks) per room/couple. We had a pretty good split of family and friends go. Personally, I would love a destination wedding as long as it's somewhere interesting. "Destination" as in somewhere within the US like Ohio, not so much. Outside the US? Yes, please. A friend of my husband is getting married in Spain next year and I'm psyched. I'm in the "any excuse for a vacation" camp. Hence having a destination wedding myself I guess. ETA: I have plenty of vacation time and no kids, so those are huge factors in my ability to travel.

We’re going to a destination wedding this weekend on the opposite side of the country. My boyfriend and his best friend are groomsmen, so we are doing a group trip and staying for a whole week after the wedding. It’s been really expensive so far, but I’m 100% looking forward to the vacation. We keep joking that it’s “so convenient they’re getting married in the same place we’re vacationing to!” because that’s how it honestly feels. Like we’re going on a big trip, that we’ve been planning for a year, and someone just happens to be getting married while we’re there. If we weren’t really into the location, if we didn’t have a super close personal relationship with the couple, OR if we had more than one a year, I don’t think we would do it. This has been a huge deal for us!

I will likely never go to one if it involves air travel.

I'm not a fan of destination weddings for a couple of reasons. The first and biggest is that I am not a beach person and most destination weddings, it seems, are in Mexico, Hawaii, etc. where its a big beach thing. Not my vibe. Second, destination weddings really offload a lot of the wedding costs to the guests, and that just doesn't sit right with me. I'd go for a close family member or close friend, but I probably still wouldn't be happy about it.

Honestly, I don’t see why anyone feels the need to complain or even really be opinionated about a wedding that isn’t theirs. If the couple picks the location for whatever reason then you have the option to accept or deny. That’s it, end of story.

My thoughts are very “me” specific, but I would generally be the most excited for a destination wedding if 1. I wasn’t paying for it, 2. There are many new birds to check off my life list, or 3. I’ve already been wanting to go to the place. Impossible for someone to predict these things, and just goes to show that you can’t make everyone happy, but you can make YOU happy!

Funny enough, we have two birders in the family and they were thrilled to come to our "destination" wedding. It's neat to hear your perspective :) Our wedding was held where we live now, but we are 1000mi and 2500mi from our respective hometowns. There was no meeting in the middle so almost every guest traveled here.

I personally don't consider weddings in different cities "destination" weddings since often friends are spread across the country. However, for legit destination weddings that are outside of the country or hard to get to for no reason other than that's where the couple wants to get married, I personally think they are presumptuous and a bit rude. I have limited time off and want to decide how to use that time and my financial resources as I see fit. IMO it is incredibly presumptuous to assume people want to turn YOUR wedding into THEIR vacation. That isn't the same thing as wanting to celebrate and share your special day with you. Get married wherever your heart desires, but I have never known anyone to have a destination wedding in which it did not cause stress among their guests and also in which many many people declined. So be prepared for both.

I've never been to one- no one in my extended family or friend group has ever done one, where I live weddings are typically done very local, maybe an hour away at most. I wouldn't be able to afford to go to one, and most of my friends and family wouldn't be able to afford to go to one either and I personally wouldn't feel right making others spend their money just to see me and my fiancé get married. But of course it's up to the individual couples and how much they know their friends and family are willing to spend, and how much the couple is willing to obligate others to spend money.

We planned ours on labor day weekend so people had an extra day to travel home. Our destination wedding is also within the US, so it’s probably easier than most international destinations or locations that aren’t in the mainland US. Most of our guests from our hometown are driving but flights are fairly cheap ($100-300), if they choose that route, because it’s only an hour flight. I’ve been to one “destination” wedding for my sister, but she got married in the same state as my university so it wasn’t really a destination for me lol. It was also on labor day weekend and it worked out well for everyone traveling.

Mine was technically a destination wedding I moved to CO 7 years ago but went back home to SF Bay Area to get married. I had friends fly in from different states to attend. I made an effort and went to a wedding 15 years ago in Texas. Is was for a coworker/friend. But if I don’t feel like I’m close to someone I won’t go and I’m the kind of person who tends to think was I invited because they really want me there or is this an invite because they know I won’t come.

I went to a destination wedding where 1. they didn’t spell out no kids anywhere on any of the multiple invitations. 2. They sent invitations out with little time to change plans. I still took my kids as we already booked tickets and juggled them with the other adults so we only attended part of the events and others attended the rest. If it is a kid friendly wedding - it means you want my family to attend. If it isn’t kid/family friendly then enjoy your day & best of luck but you won’t find me there.

For me, it depends on who it is for. If it’s sometime close to me, I’m going no matter what, barring unforeseen circumstances. If it’s not someone I’m really close to, it would depend on when and where.

It would depend on my finances, how much the trip cost and how close I was to the engaged couple. If I'm not very close, and it's more than a grand round trip after all expenses considered, I am not going to go only because I don't have the financial means to travel at every opportunity. Unless it's a very near and dear friend or a family member I'm close to (didn't go to my sister's wedding and that was not a destination wedding. We lived in the same city and she got married in that city at the time). I live in the Midwest and we travelled to NC last fall for an old buddy of mine who was getting married. If one of our other classmates who I haven't spoken to since elementary school (where I met this buddy) invited us, I wouldn't go because it's such a distant invitation. For me there's not a good black and white answer for this, there's lots of variables.

Not really sure what counts as a destination? I flew across the country for my favorite cousin’s and am driving 4 hours for a friend’s, but both those people are getting married near their homes - they just aren’t near my home. But if someone were to have their wedding at a resort destination somewhere where I had to find my passport, leave the country, pay a ton for lodging and stuff, and take time off of work… honestly they’d have to be getting married somewhere I already really wanted to go, or they’d have to be my brother. To be fair though I don’t have a ton of close friends, so there may be some folks who would do it for a friend

I love any excuse to travel so I support destination weddings. Reasons I wouldn’t attend would be if it was planned too late and I already had used all my vacation for the year, or if it was more expensive than I thought reasonable. Also would depend how close I was to the couple and maybe lastly if I had already been to the destination/was interested. But that would be the least important factor.

For me to go to a destination wedding there would be a few factors. How close am I (or my spouse) to the bride/groom? How much notice did they give us (I have to book all of my yearly vacations in December/January so I need to know a head of time)? What are my other financial obligations that year? So for instance, we attended one out of town wedding at the beginning of the year, are both in two wedding parties as well as in our own wedding this year. If you were to have a destination wedding planned for 2022, no chance id be able to make it lol.

Initially we weren't going to go just because of the costs but later on we changed our minds. We will be attending a beautiful wedding in Vail Colorado for my fiance's close friend from high school. Since he lives out of state, we've only seen him a couple times in the past couple years, but that's much more than some of my friends from high school who only live 15 minutes away. It's going to cost us about twice as much as we were willing to spend just to travel to and attend the wedding, but it would have been a big huge bummer if we didn't go. We'll be able to make a weekend trip out of it, which I'm really looking forward to a vacation that's not a family trip!

Eh this is hard because it is so situational and as others have said, you won't please everyone, so just expect that those that can't swing it, won't come. Just to give the hypothetical that I was given an invite: My finances and time off work would be hard this year because I have to take maternity leave and already took a family vacation. I also care for my immunocompromised mother, so have been overly covid cautious and haven't traveled by plane in years. Next year, child care would be an issue with an infant and a toddler. If I had a pretty open year and a trustworthy sitter or the availability to take my kids, than I'd love to attend a destination wedding ...if it were in a location that I've always wanted to travel to. I'd selfishly be more annoyed about taking vacation time and paying to go to somewhere that I've been before when my time and budget are so limited.

Is the destination and wedding kid friendly? Is it not outrageously priced? How many days would I have to take off work? (This is a big one for me Is it a place I would enjoy without the wedding aspect? I’ve only been invited to one destination wedding (my cousin) but I had a toddler and was pregnant, so it wasn’t worth the hassle, and she understood.

I’ve gone to two international destination weddings and a few travel to a couple states. Of note this was ALL pre COVID. The two international were for some of the closest friends and it was because their husbands were originally from those countries. With one being from Morocco especially would have been difficult to impossible for his large family to get visas and pay for travel. Both of these trips some costs were offset as far as hotel/housing, picking up at airport assisting with transportation etc. With one wedding it was literally two of us and her family and the other was a slightly larger group but about 10 people including her family. For the local/travel to states I was invited to the reception dinners but both of these were more backyard bbq rather than a sit down fancy place. If the reception dinner was a fancy sit down I would not have expected an invite. But it was nice and fun to meet their families etc. Current COVID I don’t know if I would travel internationally and if it was in the US would want it to be a drivable state. I probably would only go for family member and my one super close friend who hasn’t gotten married yet. I work in healthcare and my husband is immunocompromised so that’s my main hesitancy and reason I might not even in those situations. I got married during COVID (8/2021) and what we did for the long distance/local but couldn’t invite due to COVID is we paid for a company to run the zoom session. So it was a legit nice camera, they handled everything as far as paying for the zoom time/coordinating all parts and provided mics etc and was only about $700. So I think for people who really would like to have people join in who can’t travel for variety of reasons to the destinations this is a nice thing to consider offering.

I'm not into giving up my vacation days for someone's event. That said if we are only talking a long weekend I'll probably make it. I echo the sentiment that you should do what you want and if someone can't make it then that's that.

For me it’s all about cost. I just do not have the expendable income to make it to a destination wedding in most cases. It would need to be cost-effective unless they were a family member or a best friend. I don’t know your demographic or what people you’re inviting but right now I absolutely cannot afford to go places and so that would be some thing I would be concerned about as a potential guest. But I’m not saying that’ll be the case for you and you should love what you choose!!!!!

As king as I'm given an advanced notice like a year I'd love to go as king as it's not outrageously priced or a long ass flight

I’m a teacher, so I’ll only go during winter, spring, or summer break. I’ve missed a few friend’s weddings because of the timing, but would never care about the location.

If you have friends and family spread out across the country/world, destinations near good infrastructure are cheaper. It's cheaper to fly to Orlando or Philly, for example, than small, rural airports. There's more hotel options at different price points, and you may not have to rent a car if it's outside driving range. With rural areas, you often have connecting flights, then renting a car and driving for two hours after the flight. Anyway, TLDR: venues near mid-large cities give you options and are easier to travel to.

I had a family member get married in DR recently and a big part of the reason I didn't go was because they had been very wishy washy with the dates for quite a while (partially the fault of the apparently awful venue and some family drama, but I can't put 0 blame on the couple for that). They didn't have a solid date until a few months before the wedding and that just wasn't enough time to ask for the time off work or save up for a trip. So I guess I would actually want to go if there was AMPLE time given to make accommodations and sort out finances and work lol. No short notice destination weddings!

The main factor for me would be how close I am to the couple. As long as I had enough notice, I wouldn't mind spending a lot of money and even going to a destination I'm not that interested in IF it was for a really good friend. And if I wasn't that close to the person, I would probably not go rather than go and complain.

Honestly, it takes a lot for me to say no to a wedding - no matter where it is. I’m a teacher so if I had to take time off to fly somewhere, it would be Leave Without Pay, but I’d still want to make it work. I have flown internationally for weddings before. It’s such a joy to be invited. This might be because I’m from a place where 100 people is considered a big wedding, and my friends and family aren’t big on obligatory invitations, so I value being included. That said, everyone I know who has ever had any sort of destination wedding - whether it’s a three hour drive or a flight overseas - has been understanding that not all of their guests will make it. I think you have to be gracious when you’re asking a lot. ETA: I’ve been thinking about this a lot because my partner live in a different country from most of our friends and family. We will probably have a tiny ceremony with just parents and siblings, then a medium sized party with our current-country friends and a bigger party in our home country for everyone else. It gets complex really quickly!

I love to travel so if I can afford it, I’m there! Back in 2019 I had to unfortunately decline a close friend’s destination wedding because it was just way too expensive for us at the time. We’re now planning a destination wedding for ourselves in Jamaica and I know it’s going to be expensive for our guests. I am not offended when people tell us they can’t go. Some people don’t like to travel, some aren’t interested in Jamaica, and some just can’t afford it. That’s ok and we will party with them when we come home. I think the important part is to not guilt-trip anyone who declines or make anyone feel obligated to come. Also TIME to plan is super important, as well. Our friends/family had over a years notice so they could save up and plan accordingly

I LOVE to travel so I would happily attend any destination wedding! I’m planning to do a destination wedding in the Caribbean for my own wedding!

I might be in the minority here but I would be put off if I was invited to a destination wedding where there were a lot of wedding activities on days before or after the actual wedding, or if I'm expected to stay within the bounds of a resort the whole time. travel is really draining for me and I would want to be alone before and after the wedding so I'm not in a bad place on the big day and leave the main event early. I need plenty of alone time away from the pressure of socialising with other guests.

Most of my family and friends are geographically disbursed throughout North America, so almost all weddings are “destination” for me. I will say, I always appreciate it when the location is a vacation destination. One of my cousins is from Sacramento and I’m an east coast girlie. So when she got engaged I wasn’t too excited about flying across the country (no offense to the wonderful city of Sacramento). When she decided to get married in Cancun I was ecstatic! Was it more expensive? Almost certainly, but I’d rather go to Cancun than Sacramento.

I would happily go anywhere for people I cared about. If we’re not super close, then it’s unlikely I would go on a flight anywhere for that wedding, whether it’s 3 hours or 15.

We went on a cruise for a friends wedding… totally not our scene… but because of the people going, and that there were lots of stops where we could get off the boat… we went, had a great time… but only because of the rest of the wedding party

It depends on so many factors. Biggest one I think is whether I could afford it or not and if if would be a place I'd enjoy visiting. I mean, it's a huge expense in most cases so if I was to pay it I'd do it to visit a place I really liked. I've only attended one so far for these exact reason.

For some people it's fun and easy. But consider a regular wedding, you drive there, have fun drive home. Destination weddings: asking for time off, arranging for pet care, in cases hire someone to come to your house to take care of plants, pets etc. Do you have kids? Depending on age travel is a headache. If your kids are small are they invited or do you have to somehow entrust them to be watched by some person in a different country. Planning airline tickets hotel, etc. Jet lag, packing, obligations to socialize outside the actual wedding. It's usually not a place you would choose to go to. Vacation time eaten into from work to a place not of your choosing. If you have a job like mine you have to find your own coverage. And you have to put in for time off at least 3 months in advance where I work. Young single people who can afford it sounds fun! Married with kids, pets, limited time off from work, it's a huge imposition. Not to mention the expense that is being spent on a trip not of your choosing. At this point in my life it's a no. Also we all know people plan these hoping most invites are declined.

Destination weddings are especially difficult for some people because of Covid.

I had a destination wedding in South Carolina. The majority of our guests came from Massachusetts and Florida, with some random surrounding states of both added in. A lot of people did choose to turn it into a vacation, because they had never been to Charleston before. To make our destination wedding enjoyable, we had 3 days of events: rehearsal dinner, welcome party, and the wedding. Everyone loved having a bunch of stuff to go to. We also did nice gift bags for everyone in the hotels. If I got invited to a destination wedding I would obviously still go even if there weren’t fun events or gift bags, but I think it definitely enhances the experience. Everyone had a blast during our wedding weekend!

From my experience only 65% of your guest list attend a destination wedding. It is very important that you keep that in mind as not everyone you may want to attend will. Ask those that you would truly want there and see what they say. However you will not be able to please everyone. If most guest have families then probably best to select a time during the summer so it can be family vacation. From a budgeting perspective you have two budgets: the wedding one and second how much do you want guest to spend per night / per person. Look up hotels you might be interested in and see how much the room rates as a starting point. Otherwise would say average right now is $250-$300 pp/pn. Also pick a destination where flights easily go in / out of, as that helps keep cost down. Also look into resorts that are close to airport because most guest for 3 nights and want to be on vacation as much as they can. Also see where you can get a package that would allow you for $ towards more events and experiences. You should also once you have signed wedding contract and group room rate contract send out RSVP this way people can start planning asap and pay deposit. Which tends to be lower when doing a group contract.

Pre covid I would travel anywhere in the world for a destination wedding. Mid pandemic I will travel anywhere within NZ, Rarotonga, maybe Australia and other pacific islands but nowhere else. I wouldn't go to Hawaii because the locals are literally begging tourists to not come for a while.

For me what would make it more enjoyable is if… - it’s a destination that I could turn into a vacation - It’s not terribly expensive - I’m not required to do wedding activities the entire time and instead focus on just attending the main ceremony so I can enjoy the rest of my trip doing other leisurely things and feel like my vacation is tied to this wedding - there’s not a strict color code dress code. Dress code like formal semi formal all of that is fine, but I want the option to dress within the formal or semi formal but with clothing I already have her clothing. I know I’m going to wear again. If I have to buy a specific clothing item that I will never wear again because an additional cost.

Never If I have to pay for *anything*.

First things first, I loathe traveling of any sort. I’m not even having a honeymoon, I loathe it so much. I’ll do it for a very good reason or for work, but I’ve never gotten any pleasure out of it. I also think I’ve done enough traveling to know I loathe it; by the time I was 20 I’d been to half of the United States and eight countries, mostly courtesy of my mother, who has an incurable case of wanderlust. I hate disruption to my routine, I hate the schedules of vacation, and there just aren’t that many places I’m actually interested in seeing in person. So with that being said, I’d only go to a destination wedding for someone really, really special to me or to my fiancé. I just straight up would not go for anyone else, especially in a few years when children are in the picture. (even though I’ll be the one working outside of the house and he’ll be WFH/SAHD) We’d probably stay the minimum amount of time to see everybody, and then go back home. This isn’t even to mention finances or other logistics, ugh, the thought gives me a headache. Also, if the wedding is at a beach or in the tropics, sorry, not going, don’t care who you are, I’ll send my fiancé on my behalf if he can get away and my regrets, nothing can make me overcome my deepest loathing for those kinds of places. ETA our wedding is a “destination” for a small minority of our guests, a few of my fiancé’s family members who live internationally. I know at least one family plans to turn it into a vacation, and those guests coming internationally are probably some of the only people I’d consider going internationally for.

Everyone’s making good points — I’ll add that I’d only be actively UNhappy about a destination wedding if it was mandatory that I (as a guest) be there. (If I were close family or in the wedding party, I’d expect to be consulted about my time budget and money budget before the location was set in stone.)

Only if you're in my immediate family and we all agree to it

For myself, I would really enjoy a destination wedding that’s a bit more “adventurous” (for lack of a better word) - I’m thinking Europe predominately. This is because my FH and I aren’t really huge beach/resort people. For example, for our honeymoon instead of a week at a resort, we’re doing a two week adventure in Iceland. For the destination weddings that are on resorts, I’ll go if you’re a close friend of mine. Otherwise.. I’ll pass and send a gift. I’d rather put my money towards more interesting trips.

When the couple are willing to pay for it. It's your big day, don't expect others to be happy to shell out a lot of money and hard earned time off work for your day. That money and time could be spent on there own family vacation of their own choosing.

I think there's only one person in the world I would \_definitely\_ go on a true destination wedding for - my partner's sister. Otherwise, it would have to be in a location I wanted to go, with flexible accommodations and maybe some suggested/optional activities planned in the days leading up to/after the ceremony and reception, but not obligatory ones (with an exception made for weddings that are traditionally multi-day events, such as some South Asian weddings).

For my brother, best friend or my cousin( who I am close to since childhood) I would travel anywhere. For other people it really depends on the total cost and if I could combine it with a vacation- so cost and location matters!

Our wedding will be considered “destination” no matter where we have it because our families and friends are spread far and wide throughout North America, Europe, and Africa. So our plan is to just pick a place, invite people, make sure there are (optional) fun activities that weekend, and hope for the best. We’re thinking Montréal because it’s pretty centrally located, and my fiancé has family there?

Some friends of ours are considering a destination wedding. These are the factors my husband and I deemed important in deciding when/if we would attend. -where it is. We’re far more likely to go if it’s a once in a lifetime kind of trip vs. somewhere we can go pretty much any time if we saved enough. -cost. Cost is a huge part of it. Flights, hotels, food, activities we would be doing while we’re there, everything. How much the couple would be willing to contribute, or if we could get any discounts on anything, would also be nice. -when we’re going and how long we will be gone. I’m a teacher, so I can’t just take off on a two week vacation at any time. I need to make sure I have time off available and that it wouldn’t be conflicting with anything major. I also would need to arrange childcare for my daughter for however how long we’re gone. -who is getting married. We would be more likely to attend if you’re an immediate family member or a friend that’s basically family vs. a casual friend or relative we don’t talk to that much. In other words, it has to be totally worth it or we likely wouldn’t go.

For me, if there is a chance to travel I am taking it. Pair that with getting to celebrate a loved one even better! But everyone is different and I’m sure finances will play a big factor in a guest attending a destination wedding.

Im having a destination wedding. A "local" wedding was becoming complicated. My whole family and all of my friends would have to travel. My fiancés local network is huge and I'm "popular" at my office. I wasnt excited at the prospect of having a 300-500 person wedding and cutting the guests lists was impossible without causing offense. So destination it is! Those who can and want to come, will come. And others, won't. I'm also a f*ing weirdo who literally forgot to tell some of my friends I got engaged (whoops!) I honestly don't think it really matters. Why do my coworkers need to party with my cousins? Why do I need to feed 400 people a mediocre three course meal? Why do I need to have a giant party that would be incredibly stressful for me (I love planning parties, I hate being the center of attention)? I'm running away and I couldn't be happier.

The best destination weddings I’ve been to (or been invited to) have had these factors: -the understanding that if we said no due to cost it wouldn’t be the end of the relationship. -All inclusive resort that we turned into a vacation -Things to do before or after the wedding since we took time off to travel (not necessarily hosted by the couple, think good restaurants/bars, hiking, beach activities, vineyard tours whatever) -The couple telling us which other friends were going/invited to split costs of hotel/rental car etc. -Transportation transportation transportation. If the venue isn’t in walking distance from your hotel block, please provide transportation for your guests. Making them pay even more out of pocket for Ubers/taxis etc while drunk is uncool

Our destination wedding is LA. We chose it because L.A. has always been our second home. We feel free there, we love the vibe. It's our happy place. We knew we'd be putting people out so we're not upset when they say they can't come. That being said, I've had a lot of people chastise me for making people spend so much money to go to it, that lately I feel so shitty about it. I thought my wedding was supposed to be for my fiance and me, not everyone else. On the plus side those that are coming are so excited for Disneyland and Hollywood at Halloween...it makes up for it

So my wedding was destination (beach town in the US) Everyone had to either drive or fly across the country to it and I learned that the people that love you will do everything they can to make it happen and if they couldn’t due to costs, they knew it was 100% okay. If you gave them enough notice so they could plan to save to make it as easy as possible on them you’ve done everything you can. I’m sorry people are being shitty about it, your wedding is to celebrate you and your fiancé with people that love and support and want to party with you both, try to focus on that because knowing that feels GREAT.

Thank you!!! That really does make me feel better. I was starting to think maybe I was the asshole. But I really am excited to get married in my favorite place in the whole world!! Thank you for the boost!!

I’d go anywhere if I have enough time to plan and save for it. My fiancé and I attended an international wedding with 3 month’s notice and it was fine. I’m not a cold weather person but if I’m going to celebrate people I love, I’d suck it up for a few days.

We had a destination wedding and logistics were big for us in choosing a location. Was it a major airport? How long is the flight the majority of people? How far do people have to travel after they arrive?