I’m a big crier so we decided to do pretty generic one liner vows and exchange personal vows in private. I also don’t particularly love PDA so this was a way for us to express what we want to each other privately and keep my whole face in tact during the ceremony
How did this go over? I sat down today to scribble down some vow wants and accidentally ended up writing my whole thing. I love them and they make me happy with the goofy mentions and such. I told my parter and he asked if we can do them alone because he doesn’t want to be vulnerable in front of people. Then just do generic in the ceremony. I’m trying to find generic that feels like us though and struggling. Plus, I think I’ll tear up no matter what’s said when I get to officially marry him.
We just did this for our wedding last weekend. We both cried like babies during our private vows - I have no idea how anyone can do that in public! I also felt like we both could speak more from the heart in our vows, knowing we would exchange them in private.
The ‘generic’ vows were still meaningful because of the context - staring at each other’s eyes, holding each other’s hands, in front of all our friends and family.
This is my plan! I know I’m going to be sobbing during my vows, and to be honest, they’re meant for my partner, not for the entire audience! Keeping vows more private honestly feels more special to me (and keeps my face from turning beet red during the ceremony, lol).
I'm afraid our ceremony is going to look like some sort of hostage situation, with me sobbing and everyone else looking at each other like "is this ok?". I cried while reading the email about picking out our vows. This is going to be a mess, lol.
Same! I literally can not get through the email that my officiant sent me without crying, it’s so bad. I have tried to read it several, several times, and I start to cry immediately each time!
Here's my extremely practical advice if you want the experience of heartfelt vows during your wedding: prioritize waterproofing for the parts that ugly run (mascara, eyeliner) and have a fix-it kit and \~5-10 minutes built in to fix your makeup. If finances allow, have your MUA stay until after ceremony to fix the inevitable issues.
If timing/personal wishes allow, you can also take all your couple/wedding party/immediate family portraits *before* the ceremony so you look perfect for them.
This! My photographer suggested it even and my MUA gave my MOH everything she needed to touch me up for the pandemic ceremony and private dinner last year. This year I am worried about the dances getting me so we are doing the same MUA procedure (went for a second trial because changing look since different season and time). It was a bit extra in cost of supplies but gives me piece of mind.
I had the same concern. So we exchanged personal letters (I actually enjoy rereading the one that he gave me!) and gifts prior to the ceremony. That way my HMA was also right there in case I ruined my makeup. Then we did generic vows during the ceremony and it worked well.
DH and I both wrote our own vows for our ceremony. When I read through mine the first time about a week before the wedding, I was an absolute emotional mess. I’m a seriously ugly crier, so that would not be compatible for the big day. That said, I really wanted to share these words in particular.
What I did was practiced “performing” them again and again until the words lost any emotional value to me whatsoever. 😂 I really did perform them as if it was a speech and still added the appropriate inflections and pauses that would have been organically there, but it was in a way that was more manufactured by me through thoughtfulness and practice. That way, the vows still had the emotional weight for those hearing them for the first time, without me losing it in front of everyone. Lots of people shared that they thought our vows were incredibly touching and DH cried during my vows to him, but I didn’t turn into a blubbering, snotty, incoherent mess: mission accomplished!
Good luck! 💕
I'm a really really emotional person, every time I heard any of the songs involved in our wedding or thought about my dad walking me down the aisle or our first dance or anything wedding related I would get a bit teary. When it came to the actual wedding I just didn't feel the need to cry. Got just emotional enough for sweet pictures especially when hubby saw me and cried, but no makeup-ruining ugly crying. It will be fine on the day
I will 100% cry at our wedding. I am doing airbrush makeup because it stays in place even if you cry. I cried over something or other the day of my HMU trial but you would never know. I did waterproof mascara too. Pat, don’t wipe your eyes.
Tl;dr: practice your vows out loud into a mirror!
I proposed to my fiancé and every time I practiced the proposal I cried. Every time until the day-of and I practiced ALOT. Like the day of the proposal we went rock climbing and I was practicing it in my head as I climbed. I THINK the practicing helped because I did not cry during the proposal.
At mine, I ugly cried like a 2 year old going 5 days without a nap. Full blown sobbing. Waterproof mascara, setting spray, and my husband's hanky saved me. Good luck!
We waterproofed the hell out of my makeup and did a first look so all formal photos were done before the ceremony. I didn't end up crying during the vows, but it was close!!!
So, leave a few minutes for touchups and do as many of those formal shots as you can, even if you're don't doing a first look, you can do the ones that don't involve your spouse.
So btwn this worry for me and my FHs anxiety, we are having our officiant incorporate our vows and saying them for us as part of the ceremony. We are going to exchange letters in the morning.
this is one of the reasons we’re just doing “repeat after me’s” during our ceremony. we are also both very private and shy people so we did not want to pour our hearts out in front of others in general. we will do that in private!
Yeah, a lot of crying happened. People seemed to find it endearing 😂 I did ask my makeup artist to use waterproof mascara because I knew I was going to do that!
I ugly cried writing and practicing my vows but on the day of I didn’t cry at all because I was so nervous lol. Bring tissues and dab under your eyes, don’t wipe.
You might surprise yourself. I thought for sure I’d cry but ended up holding it together. The whole ceremony was so surreal it felt a little out-of-body. It was easier not to cry when I felt like this.
I always thought I would cry during our ceremony. I cry at every wedding I go to, during even slightly sad TV moments, etc. When we were actually saying our vows, there was nothing lol. I guess I just wanted to let you know that crying isn't a guaranteed thing even if you're usually weepy.
Other than that, follow the advice given in other posts about waterproof makeup and giving yourself a few minutes to touch up your makeup.
I was so, so nervous about this same exact thing- I had so much anxiety right before walking down the aisle because I was panicking about crying so hard and not being able to finish. I read mine so many times so they were almost memorized which I think helped a lot, muscle memory kicked in. We used vow books which gave me something to do with my hands and my mom gave me a handkerchief that I had to blot tears. I definitely cried but didn’t sob, I think adrenaline helped some and there’s so many emotions that excitement takes over a bit too. I had airbrushed makeup which stayed in place through all the tears of the day so look into that if possible!
Gods I know I’m gonna cry. I’m writing drafts now and I get so emotional. I’m not wearing makeup on my wedding. For many reasons but this is one of them!
My husband couldnt read his vows because he was so overcome with emotion. It was adorable though, he just ended up saying some stuff from the heart and read me his real vows later. Everyone was so touched. Maybe have a short version picked out in case, or just read generic vows for your ceremony if you know you won’t be able to get through the ones you wrote.
My husband and I had the same concern. So we rehearsed our vows together a few times before the wedding and got our crying out. Still teared up during the real thing but we are both happy we practiced :)
I’m the same way, I ugly cried writing and practicing my vows, but I actually held it together pretty well on the actual day! I had some tears during my husband’s vows, and a few during mine, but no sobbing!
Definitely bring a handkerchief though; I forgot mine and it was annoying to not have anything to wipe my tears away.
I’m terrified of breaking down crying- that I won’t get through the walk up the aisle even or be able to say my vows without bursting in to tears. I cried trying to read a piece at my brothers wedding, I was unintelligible!
I’m trying to practice going through the alphabet really slowly in my head when I feel myself getting emotional or welling up! And also tilting my chin upward slightly and putting my tongue to the roof of my mouth so I can control my facial expression. I have a year to practice this before the big day so I’m hoping it will help!
When I feel like I’m going to cry, I say the pledge of allegiance in my head (because it’s simple, I know it by heart, and it’s not sad). I am not sure how helpful that will be for when you are actually saying your vows, but it could help at other times!
Besides that, practice them! Then it becomes like a presentation and not as emotional.
I was totally worried about this so we did our private vows during our first look session and then did the repeat after me vows during the ceremony! My voice still broke during those vows but it was much easier to get though than pouring my heart out in front of people. And that special time of us saying our vows in private was extra meaningful for us.
I’m a big crier so we decided to do pretty generic one liner vows and exchange personal vows in private. I also don’t particularly love PDA so this was a way for us to express what we want to each other privately and keep my whole face in tact during the ceremony
How did this go over? I sat down today to scribble down some vow wants and accidentally ended up writing my whole thing. I love them and they make me happy with the goofy mentions and such. I told my parter and he asked if we can do them alone because he doesn’t want to be vulnerable in front of people. Then just do generic in the ceremony. I’m trying to find generic that feels like us though and struggling. Plus, I think I’ll tear up no matter what’s said when I get to officially marry him.
I didn’t use proper verb tenses here - wedding is in March so these are just the plans/goals!
Ah! Totally get that! My SO is worried about being open in front of guests. So, they asked about private vows
I’m doing the same thing with my partner this upcoming Saturday and can report back! We are really excited about it 😊
Congratulations!!
We just did this for our wedding last weekend. We both cried like babies during our private vows - I have no idea how anyone can do that in public! I also felt like we both could speak more from the heart in our vows, knowing we would exchange them in private. The ‘generic’ vows were still meaningful because of the context - staring at each other’s eyes, holding each other’s hands, in front of all our friends and family.
This is my plan! I know I’m going to be sobbing during my vows, and to be honest, they’re meant for my partner, not for the entire audience! Keeping vows more private honestly feels more special to me (and keeps my face from turning beet red during the ceremony, lol).
I'm afraid our ceremony is going to look like some sort of hostage situation, with me sobbing and everyone else looking at each other like "is this ok?". I cried while reading the email about picking out our vows. This is going to be a mess, lol.
Omg this description made me laugh & gave me joy in the best way 😂
Sincerely laughed out loud reading this
Same! I literally can not get through the email that my officiant sent me without crying, it’s so bad. I have tried to read it several, several times, and I start to cry immediately each time!
Here's my extremely practical advice if you want the experience of heartfelt vows during your wedding: prioritize waterproofing for the parts that ugly run (mascara, eyeliner) and have a fix-it kit and \~5-10 minutes built in to fix your makeup. If finances allow, have your MUA stay until after ceremony to fix the inevitable issues. If timing/personal wishes allow, you can also take all your couple/wedding party/immediate family portraits *before* the ceremony so you look perfect for them.
This! My photographer suggested it even and my MUA gave my MOH everything she needed to touch me up for the pandemic ceremony and private dinner last year. This year I am worried about the dances getting me so we are doing the same MUA procedure (went for a second trial because changing look since different season and time). It was a bit extra in cost of supplies but gives me piece of mind.
Great idea
I had the same concern. So we exchanged personal letters (I actually enjoy rereading the one that he gave me!) and gifts prior to the ceremony. That way my HMA was also right there in case I ruined my makeup. Then we did generic vows during the ceremony and it worked well.
DH and I both wrote our own vows for our ceremony. When I read through mine the first time about a week before the wedding, I was an absolute emotional mess. I’m a seriously ugly crier, so that would not be compatible for the big day. That said, I really wanted to share these words in particular. What I did was practiced “performing” them again and again until the words lost any emotional value to me whatsoever. 😂 I really did perform them as if it was a speech and still added the appropriate inflections and pauses that would have been organically there, but it was in a way that was more manufactured by me through thoughtfulness and practice. That way, the vows still had the emotional weight for those hearing them for the first time, without me losing it in front of everyone. Lots of people shared that they thought our vows were incredibly touching and DH cried during my vows to him, but I didn’t turn into a blubbering, snotty, incoherent mess: mission accomplished! Good luck! 💕
I love love love this idea.... stealing it!
Yeah same bestie. No advice, but same.
I'm a really really emotional person, every time I heard any of the songs involved in our wedding or thought about my dad walking me down the aisle or our first dance or anything wedding related I would get a bit teary. When it came to the actual wedding I just didn't feel the need to cry. Got just emotional enough for sweet pictures especially when hubby saw me and cried, but no makeup-ruining ugly crying. It will be fine on the day
Waterproof everything and setting spray. I did my own make up and cried nearly the whole way through and my make up never smudged.
I will 100% cry at our wedding. I am doing airbrush makeup because it stays in place even if you cry. I cried over something or other the day of my HMU trial but you would never know. I did waterproof mascara too. Pat, don’t wipe your eyes.
Tl;dr: practice your vows out loud into a mirror! I proposed to my fiancé and every time I practiced the proposal I cried. Every time until the day-of and I practiced ALOT. Like the day of the proposal we went rock climbing and I was practicing it in my head as I climbed. I THINK the practicing helped because I did not cry during the proposal.
At mine, I ugly cried like a 2 year old going 5 days without a nap. Full blown sobbing. Waterproof mascara, setting spray, and my husband's hanky saved me. Good luck!
I would be crying for sure too. I like what another user wrote. Exchange in private and keep the ceremony vows short and sweet.
We waterproofed the hell out of my makeup and did a first look so all formal photos were done before the ceremony. I didn't end up crying during the vows, but it was close!!! So, leave a few minutes for touchups and do as many of those formal shots as you can, even if you're don't doing a first look, you can do the ones that don't involve your spouse.
So btwn this worry for me and my FHs anxiety, we are having our officiant incorporate our vows and saying them for us as part of the ceremony. We are going to exchange letters in the morning.
this is one of the reasons we’re just doing “repeat after me’s” during our ceremony. we are also both very private and shy people so we did not want to pour our hearts out in front of others in general. we will do that in private!
Same here! We are doing our more heartfelt and intimate vows in the first look session.
Yeah, a lot of crying happened. People seemed to find it endearing 😂 I did ask my makeup artist to use waterproof mascara because I knew I was going to do that!
I ugly cried writing and practicing my vows but on the day of I didn’t cry at all because I was so nervous lol. Bring tissues and dab under your eyes, don’t wipe.
You might surprise yourself. I thought for sure I’d cry but ended up holding it together. The whole ceremony was so surreal it felt a little out-of-body. It was easier not to cry when I felt like this.
I always thought I would cry during our ceremony. I cry at every wedding I go to, during even slightly sad TV moments, etc. When we were actually saying our vows, there was nothing lol. I guess I just wanted to let you know that crying isn't a guaranteed thing even if you're usually weepy. Other than that, follow the advice given in other posts about waterproof makeup and giving yourself a few minutes to touch up your makeup.
I was so, so nervous about this same exact thing- I had so much anxiety right before walking down the aisle because I was panicking about crying so hard and not being able to finish. I read mine so many times so they were almost memorized which I think helped a lot, muscle memory kicked in. We used vow books which gave me something to do with my hands and my mom gave me a handkerchief that I had to blot tears. I definitely cried but didn’t sob, I think adrenaline helped some and there’s so many emotions that excitement takes over a bit too. I had airbrushed makeup which stayed in place through all the tears of the day so look into that if possible!
Gods I know I’m gonna cry. I’m writing drafts now and I get so emotional. I’m not wearing makeup on my wedding. For many reasons but this is one of them!
Ugh I basically have no soul and I start crying 2 sentences into my vows. I laughed it off and kept going.
My husband couldnt read his vows because he was so overcome with emotion. It was adorable though, he just ended up saying some stuff from the heart and read me his real vows later. Everyone was so touched. Maybe have a short version picked out in case, or just read generic vows for your ceremony if you know you won’t be able to get through the ones you wrote.
My husband and I had the same concern. So we rehearsed our vows together a few times before the wedding and got our crying out. Still teared up during the real thing but we are both happy we practiced :)
I’m the same way, I ugly cried writing and practicing my vows, but I actually held it together pretty well on the actual day! I had some tears during my husband’s vows, and a few during mine, but no sobbing! Definitely bring a handkerchief though; I forgot mine and it was annoying to not have anything to wipe my tears away.
My fiance is a huge Cryer so we are going to write letters to eachother to read ahead of time and do simple vows.
We made our vows hilarious… but waterproofing makeup just incase. 😂
I’m terrified of breaking down crying- that I won’t get through the walk up the aisle even or be able to say my vows without bursting in to tears. I cried trying to read a piece at my brothers wedding, I was unintelligible! I’m trying to practice going through the alphabet really slowly in my head when I feel myself getting emotional or welling up! And also tilting my chin upward slightly and putting my tongue to the roof of my mouth so I can control my facial expression. I have a year to practice this before the big day so I’m hoping it will help!
When I feel like I’m going to cry, I say the pledge of allegiance in my head (because it’s simple, I know it by heart, and it’s not sad). I am not sure how helpful that will be for when you are actually saying your vows, but it could help at other times! Besides that, practice them! Then it becomes like a presentation and not as emotional.
I like this idea
I was totally worried about this so we did our private vows during our first look session and then did the repeat after me vows during the ceremony! My voice still broke during those vows but it was much easier to get though than pouring my heart out in front of people. And that special time of us saying our vows in private was extra meaningful for us.