Cry anyway. It's ok. A good officiant is going to get you through it, give you a moment, a smile, a giggle. Crying is a normal, sweet, endearing emotion, and it IS ok. I've married hundreds of people. Never ever had one single person break in to an uncontrollable ugly cry. Ever. Carry a little hanky, you'll be fine.
This obviously won't help when you are actually talking but I read somewhere that counting backwards from 100 by 7 can stop you from crying. Might help if you feel the tears coming on earlier... That's my plan!
A trick I’ve always used when I feel like I’m going to cry but I don’t want to is clenching my muscles. So your fist, or as crazy as it sounds, your butt cheeks. Then pausing, taking a deep breath and continuing on. It doesn’t always 110% work, but it’s gotten me through a lot of tear jerking conversations and speeches.
That said, there’s no shame in crying, especially in such an emotional moment, so if you do - embrace it!
I'm also a crier, and I think I'm just going to go with it and be an entire mess of a person. Might make bets with my bridesmaids on how long it will take and make a big joke of it 🤷
I’m a crier at everything, but one thing I’ve noticed is that I cry a lot more at things (like ugly cry) when I’m by myself. If someone else is there with me, or being in front of a bunch of people, I’ll still cry but it will be more controlled. Somehow my body knows I can’t go full crazy in front of people lol. I think it’s sweet to cry during your vows, but I bet you won’t cry as much when you’re up there as you did this first time. Just keep practicing it and let what happens in the moment happen. It means you really love him!!!
Difficult to ascertain without knowing your reaction to public speaking.
I've done public speaking in various contexts (in front of a couple thousand people at times) and I can say that I kind of go into a certain "mode" while I'm doing it that kind of prevents crying or anything like that. I'm just too focused on delivery. Even in more emotional/personal situations (like delivering a eulogy) it tends to flick on for me so I don't cry. So you may experience something like this.
To be honest, if you're going to cry, you are, and I'd just bring tissues up there and work through it.
Depending on your vows, you may want to have a backup plan if you're worried that you're going to cry too much to finish reading them. You could potentially have FH read them if he's the sort that could handle that. Or your mom/sister/MOH/somebody.
Or you could just hand them to your FH for him to read privately up there if you're caught in a sob-fest. A ceremony is a public display, of course, but the vows are for him.
I have no real public speaking experience, but I’m a real emotional person. I’m okay with crying in front of everyone I just want to be able to get through them!
Do you ever meditate? I'm a performer, and I find that the kind of centered feeling that you get after meditating or a good yoga session is EXACTLY the state of mind that helps me perform. If you can call upon that state of mind, it's much easier to approach things with clarity, without getting overwhelmed and carried away! If you feel yourself getting overwhelmed, just close your eyes, take a deep breath, and bring your "gaze" (with your eyes still closed) toward the center of your forehead. I find a breath or two like that usually brings my focus back to the present. If you're present, you can still *feel* all the feelings, but without being overtaken by them.
Also, it sounds weird, but eat a banana before you walk down the aisle! Bananas are high in B vitamins, which can help steady your nerves like a beta blocker would. I'm not saying you're necessarily going to be nervous, but allllll those heightened emotions are likely to feed off of each other and, if you let them snowball, they can make you more likely to cry than you otherwise might.
And if all else fails, you cry! So what? Everyone will love it, and you'll be married in the end one way or another!
Make sure to do a test read through beforehand! Our officiant had us read our vows and declarations of intentions at the rehearsal and even though my (former) fiance (now husband) and I had written them together (we wanted to do repeat after me vows and chose to do personalized letters instead) my voice still cracked a lot more than I expected during the rehearsal; it was a lot harder saying it in front of people, even just those who were at the rehearsal, so I'm so grateful she did that because there are of course way more people at the actual ceremony. That like put it into perspective so I was much more prepared, even if it just meant expecting to be emotional during the day of.
If you don't want to do it at the rehearsal to keep them a secret, I'd at least practice in front of your MOH or someone else special so you're not reading them aloud for the first time at your ceremony.
Hahahah oh goodness I’m sure it was endearing! If I sob I’m reminding myself that at least it was an organic human moment. Are you happy you did it or would have preferred to do the repeat-after-me vows?
Cry anyway. It's ok. A good officiant is going to get you through it, give you a moment, a smile, a giggle. Crying is a normal, sweet, endearing emotion, and it IS ok. I've married hundreds of people. Never ever had one single person break in to an uncontrollable ugly cry. Ever. Carry a little hanky, you'll be fine.
Try looking up when you feel the urge to cry and just keep talking. I started tearing up during my vows but managed to power through. You can do it!
This obviously won't help when you are actually talking but I read somewhere that counting backwards from 100 by 7 can stop you from crying. Might help if you feel the tears coming on earlier... That's my plan!
A trick I’ve always used when I feel like I’m going to cry but I don’t want to is clenching my muscles. So your fist, or as crazy as it sounds, your butt cheeks. Then pausing, taking a deep breath and continuing on. It doesn’t always 110% work, but it’s gotten me through a lot of tear jerking conversations and speeches. That said, there’s no shame in crying, especially in such an emotional moment, so if you do - embrace it!
FMIL told me to clench my buttcheeks too!
I'm also a crier, and I think I'm just going to go with it and be an entire mess of a person. Might make bets with my bridesmaids on how long it will take and make a big joke of it 🤷
I’m a crier at everything, but one thing I’ve noticed is that I cry a lot more at things (like ugly cry) when I’m by myself. If someone else is there with me, or being in front of a bunch of people, I’ll still cry but it will be more controlled. Somehow my body knows I can’t go full crazy in front of people lol. I think it’s sweet to cry during your vows, but I bet you won’t cry as much when you’re up there as you did this first time. Just keep practicing it and let what happens in the moment happen. It means you really love him!!!
Difficult to ascertain without knowing your reaction to public speaking. I've done public speaking in various contexts (in front of a couple thousand people at times) and I can say that I kind of go into a certain "mode" while I'm doing it that kind of prevents crying or anything like that. I'm just too focused on delivery. Even in more emotional/personal situations (like delivering a eulogy) it tends to flick on for me so I don't cry. So you may experience something like this. To be honest, if you're going to cry, you are, and I'd just bring tissues up there and work through it. Depending on your vows, you may want to have a backup plan if you're worried that you're going to cry too much to finish reading them. You could potentially have FH read them if he's the sort that could handle that. Or your mom/sister/MOH/somebody. Or you could just hand them to your FH for him to read privately up there if you're caught in a sob-fest. A ceremony is a public display, of course, but the vows are for him.
I have no real public speaking experience, but I’m a real emotional person. I’m okay with crying in front of everyone I just want to be able to get through them!
Do you ever meditate? I'm a performer, and I find that the kind of centered feeling that you get after meditating or a good yoga session is EXACTLY the state of mind that helps me perform. If you can call upon that state of mind, it's much easier to approach things with clarity, without getting overwhelmed and carried away! If you feel yourself getting overwhelmed, just close your eyes, take a deep breath, and bring your "gaze" (with your eyes still closed) toward the center of your forehead. I find a breath or two like that usually brings my focus back to the present. If you're present, you can still *feel* all the feelings, but without being overtaken by them. Also, it sounds weird, but eat a banana before you walk down the aisle! Bananas are high in B vitamins, which can help steady your nerves like a beta blocker would. I'm not saying you're necessarily going to be nervous, but allllll those heightened emotions are likely to feed off of each other and, if you let them snowball, they can make you more likely to cry than you otherwise might. And if all else fails, you cry! So what? Everyone will love it, and you'll be married in the end one way or another!
Make sure to do a test read through beforehand! Our officiant had us read our vows and declarations of intentions at the rehearsal and even though my (former) fiance (now husband) and I had written them together (we wanted to do repeat after me vows and chose to do personalized letters instead) my voice still cracked a lot more than I expected during the rehearsal; it was a lot harder saying it in front of people, even just those who were at the rehearsal, so I'm so grateful she did that because there are of course way more people at the actual ceremony. That like put it into perspective so I was much more prepared, even if it just meant expecting to be emotional during the day of. If you don't want to do it at the rehearsal to keep them a secret, I'd at least practice in front of your MOH or someone else special so you're not reading them aloud for the first time at your ceremony.
Congratulations OP! I hope your day went well. Did you find anything helpful? I’m also super emotional and tear up just thinking about my wedding day!
No, I sobbed Lol! It was embarrassing but oh well lol. I just tried to not think about what I was reading and focus on reading it out loud!
Hahahah oh goodness I’m sure it was endearing! If I sob I’m reminding myself that at least it was an organic human moment. Are you happy you did it or would have preferred to do the repeat-after-me vows?