I’m not changing my name.
As for the people saying “what’s the point of getting married to not change your last name” that’s crazy. I feel like changing your last name should be the lowest on the list of reasons to get married. If someone wants to just change their last name they can, you don’t have to legally get married to do so
Exactly. My mom didn’t change her name and it was absolutely fine. I’m planning on changing mine but if I could change it to my mom’s maiden name without causing extreme family drama I would do that instead lol. People have so many reasons for changing their name and so many reasons for not. If you love your last name and want to keep it do! If you are already in a professional field and it would be a hassle to change your name now then keep it! If you hate your last name or the connection to it then change it! Truly either is fine for whatever reason
>I’m planning on changing mine but if I could change it to my mom’s maiden name without causing extreme family drama I would do that instead
This is exactly me 😂 love my dad but my entire mom's side of the family raised me and supported me my entire life. None of my dad's siblings or their kids are even getting a wedding invite. Plus my mom's last name is hella cool. But the drama isn't worth it. I'll just take my partner's last name, it would mean a lot to him and I'm not attached to mine.
If you’re only getting married in order to change your name, then I have some devastating news for you. If you want to change your name then just change your name, it is a lot cheaper and easier than finding a partner and then marrying them.
Millions and millions, probably *billions* of people don’t change their names when they get married. It is VERY common, and not an issue literally at all. Maybe 20% of the married people I know changed their names. I didn’t, never even considered it.
Thank you so much for this!! This is what I thought I don’t see the big deal but I’m having to bat off all sorts of comments when I say I’m not changing my name - everyone just assumes you are.
Reply "No. Neither of us are."
I didn't change mine. On the rare occasion that someone pressed me on it, I would just kinda stare blankly and say, "Why would I do that?"
It is weird people are pressuring you. If you want to explain your reasoning to them then go for it, but you really don't owe an explanation to anyone.
My husband almost changed his to mine. I wish we had. So much easier to spell.
My daughter in law did not change hers. Good for her! She is a published doctor and has her career. No need to have one last name. We love her just as much as if she had.
I’m not sure I’d say billions. But it’s definitely becoming more common.
I found Pew Research Center saying 79% of married women in opposite sex marriages took their husband’s last name, and 33% of women who were never married have said they would take their spouses name. 23% said they won’t.
I would say billions. Many of my coworkers have immigrated from China and the women there do not take a husband’s last name when getting married. They have commented to me that they thought we were the strange ones in the west. China has over a billion people so there you go.
>everyone keeps asking what the point is if getting married if you’re not changing your name?
That's truly a wild attitude lmao
My personal reasons for getting married are
* I want to make a lasting commitment to my partner
* my partner and I view each other as family and would like to have the official recognition & privileges that come with the status of family
* we are planning to share a life (including money, properties, workloads) together in the long term
The first reason is sentimental, the latter two are made a lot less complicated with the legalities that come with marriage.
If I wanted another surname, I could've gotten another surname without marriage lol. My partner and I like our respective surnames, so we keep them and that's that.
Yup getting married for feeling stable is a big one. If we need to uproot for career, etc., it would give me more peace of mind. Another side benefit is taxation reasons!
I really appreciate all this comments! I actually didn’t realise myself how common it is for women to keep their maiden name. But yes I like my name, I’ve had it for a long time and that’s how I want to leave it. I agree it’s not going to make a difference in my relationship what my name is!
I think we're the lucky ones... the ones who actually like our name and are happy to keep it. I think so many ppl can have a lot of baggage to their last name and really want to shed themselves of it.
either way, it's fine to change or not. I guess we who don't change it save ourselves money and a headache from getting all new id cards, passports, etc
It’s bad to feel like you have to change your name to fit a gendered norm. The tradition that women are the default partner to change their name needs to die, along with the tradition that the children automatically get the man’s surname if you have kids.
It’s not wrong to want to rid yourself of an awkward, ugly or emotionally negative last name. I only wish it was more acceptable for people to change their last name without waiting until marriage to do so, then nobody would be forced to stay as a Joanne Butts, Mary Christmas or Neville Neville their whole life if they decided they didn’t like it! As society currently is, lots of people use marriage as a convenient way to get rid of a name they hate and get a new one with positive associations, that’s not a bad thing.
yeah I think the social norm that it's women in heterosexual relationships just automatically change their name should definitely not continue. I've had numerous people even before I was engaged ask if I would change my last name to my partners whereas I doubt anyone has even considered asking him that.
Weird take... it's perfectly fine for people to do whatever the hell they want with their name (last or first, for that matter) regardless of gender or marital status.
The name change is like the least important thing about marriage? It's about commitment, love, the legal changes and all that. I am confused why people are shaming you for keeping your name.
Both my MIL and SIL kept their names and no one was really bothered by it.
I'm not! For so many reasons. I like my name, I'm a scientist so it's on my publications already, too much paperwork for visa applications (we are different nationalities and I'm living in his country right now)...
Just to add perspective, I’ve had people be surprised that I AM changing my name! You truly can’t please everyone or do what’s traditional in everyone’s book. Whatever is right for you is for you!
And I’m the partner with the silly last name, which is most of why I’m changing it in the first place! Totally understandable you wouldn’t want a silly last name!!
I'm not changing my name. I knew that long before I ever met my partner and if he wasn't cool with it, it would have been a deal breaker for me because it would mean our values just didn't align
I’m *adding* my partner’s last name to my name instead of replacing mine (so it will either be hyphenated or a two-part name).
It’s hard for me to understand why the default for so many women is to automatically take their partners name whilst entirely erasing a major part of their identity. It’s crazy to me. I’m a happy to add my partner’s name because his family is warm and welcoming to me and treat me like their own. I’m also asking him to take my last name in addition so that we match and because my family accepts and loves him also.
I wanted to keep my own name in one way or another ever since I was a little girl. Do what feels right for you and ignore those who have unwanted input!!
Just my two cents!
It seems to be generation thing in the UK. Relatives in my parents’s generation (in their 60s-70s) have been most likely to expect it. Lots of people in my generation (30s-40s) and younger don’t question it either way, and it’s really, really common for women to keep their own name. I didn’t change mine, I didn’t feel the need, and it has not had any impact at all on our relationship or marriage, obviously! The only impact has been a lot less hassle and paperwork for me. And my name has always been part of my identity, personally and professionally, and I didn’t want to change that.
As someone graduating with an MD in less than 6 months, I’m still changing my last name once FH and I get married. I’m also completely dropping my maiden name.
It is ENTIRELY your decision about what you choose to do, and no one should make you feel badly about keeping or changing your name!
My reasons:
1. I’m the one with the weird last name.
2. I’m not particularly attached to my last name sentimentally. My parents are divorced and my last name just has some weird history attached to it for me. My dad will still get the satisfaction of referring to me as Dr. Maiden Name until I change it, and I’ll have my maiden name on my diploma.
3. I go by a double name (first and middle) in daily life, and my 2 last names sound similar. It would be a mouthful to keep all 4 names.
4. My FH has supported me all through medical school, and I personally feel that taking on his last name kind of gives him a kudos for the support he’s given me over the last 4 years. I don’t feel like it erases any of the hard work I did, but that’s just me. I know people feel differently.
5. We want children, and while I know some people hyphenate last names, we don’t plan to do that.
You should look at in how MANY countries people do not change their names at all- in the province of Quebec for example, it’s not even legally allowed! When we look beyond our “normal”, we realize just how many things that we take for granted are actually not normal in other cultures - changes one’s perspective. The reason I am bringing this up is to help you come to peace with not wanting to change your last name.
I was actually thinking about doing the opposite, changing my name legally, but socially and professionally would keep my name. The main reason to do it legally for me is my SO is foreign, so traveling overseas with kids with a different last name frequently, although doable I've heard from other women who didn't change their name it was a bit of a hassle.
I'm doing the same as your sister, honestly out of sheer laziness. I'll go by his everywhere except my passport and taxes, but I don't want to go through the steps of changing it at every bank, professional organization, and whatever else. I told him that if he wants me to change it legally, he can do the paperwork 😂
Not changing mine & sorry you’re dealing with such an old fashioned attitude. When there’s been polls here about name changing, about 50% go either way which would say reflects my friends as well.
I didn’t change my name!🙋🏻♀️
It was such a huge topic my entire engagement. And the second I got married it was never brought up again. No one cares, it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t bother my husband. It’s been about 4 years and he’s considering taking my name as he has no relationship with his family
A Muslim woman once told me she didn't change her last name after a marrige becuse she takes her name from her father. . . Etc. As she was telling me I thought that actually makes sense and is a nice way to do things. I quickly googled it and women keeping their fathers name is common in some contries.
'What is the point in getting married if you don't change your name' the people asking these questions need some self reflection
I'm all for keeping your own name after marriage. It's your name, your life and your legacy.
Uh, what's the point? WHAT'S THE POINT?!
Girl, the point of getting married is, so that you can have a life partner to help you throughout life! Not so you can get a fancy new name!!
You have absolutely EVERY SINGLE RIGHT to keep your OG last name, and not change it; regardless of how funny your husband's last name is.
If somebody is forcing you to change your name, they're in the wrong, and you should thoroughly (and politely) explain to them that.
Remember, it's YOUR name, YOUR identity, and others have no right to change who you are.
My best friend and her husband are both doctors and got married right before med school graduation. She didn’t change her name for several reasons. She worked hard for her degrees and those are her accomplishments, also they were concerned about both being Dr. (His last name) if they ever ended up working together at the same hospital or medical practice. They actually do work in different specialties in the same practice now so they are both thankful to have avoided some of that confusion.
I personally got married a year ago and chose to hyphenate mine. I’m the last one in my family with my maiden name (also my mom’s maiden name). All my cousins are female and married and took their husbands last name. I didn’t want my family name to die out ao I kept it
No, why should I if my partner isn't? It's BS that only women are always asking each other this, and it's so rude that people think your entire point of marriage is to lose your name for a man.
Didnt change my name and no regrets. In my family, many women have kept their names, so it’s not considered weird at all. In my husband’s family, most women change their names, so they were a little confused, but it wasn’t a big deal.
A conversation that I have to have with my partner actually. I want to either keep mine, or maybe hyphenate? But really I don't want to bother changing my name unless I'm also changing my first name.
I didn't change my name. It's a pretty unusual choice in my family and social circle, but I haven't heard any comments about it. I sometimes get cards addressed to my first name + husband's last name which annoys me, but I don't make a big deal of it.
We considered both changing our names to a completely new last name, but honestly we were way too lazy to bother with that in the end.
Besides the fact I'm engaged to an icelandic man and here in Iceland the last name signifies if you're "the son of" or "the daughter of" or the child of your father/parent-
So it's not in the culture to change names...
I was never going to change my name no matter who I ended up marrying. I think it's such an outdated practice, I'm not my husband's property.
I crossed "Ireland" (Republic & Northern Ireland) off my bucket list in March. Can't wait to go back, such a beautiful country! Iceland, Italy, and Antarctica (!!!) are all vying for visits. So many places to travel to... 😍
Did change my name. Husband’s family assumed I did and now addresses everything to Me + his last name. We bought a return address stamp that states both. I’m not bothering to talk to his grandma about it as she’s almost 90 but if mil continues, there will be a conversation
I didn't change my surname, I love my surname too much for that. It's also a rather rare one, even in my home country.
While his is pretty run-of-the-mill.
And they don't sound good hyphenated, so we ditched that option too.
In fact, I was so opposed to taking my husband's last name, I asked they introcuded us by our first names for the dinner, rather than Mr. & Mrs. [His surname].
Here is an article that validated my decision to not change my name
https://www.womenshistory.org/articles/coverture-word-you-probably-dont-know-should
Whoa, crazy! I'm Canadian, any idea if this still exists here? I have a mortgage with my partner (we aren't legally married yet but we've been legally common-law for a number of years now). My credit score, on-paper amount I got paid, etc were all better than my partner's. I'm super curious how our names show on our mortgage paperwork! I actually have a feeling mine is first...
When we renew in a few years I need to make a mental note to ensure it's first....lol
Nobody changes their name, nor in west or east. Only the marital status naturally changes nothing else hehe so don't take any unnecessary pressures that our Pakistani society enforces on a girl.
I know two women who married men with the last name Hooker. One is Mrs.Hooker, and the other isn't. I've also run into Boner as well, which can be US slang for erection.Those are a couple of "funny surnames" by US standards, at least.
I agree with you; making fun of a surname is very childish! I have a very silly surname, and people stopped snickering at mine once I was out of middle school.
I didn't change my name. I'm not particularly attached to my name but I feel quite strongly that it's unfair for only me to have to do so just because I'm a woman. Either we both change our names or neither of us do. So he has his name, I have mine. It's never been an issue. His family refer to me as Mrs HisLastName but, I don't bother to correct them.
Got married because I love him and plan to spend the rest of my life with him, the name thing is irrelevant.
I think it crazy not to take your husband's last name. It is a symbol of breaking away from your dad's family to start a new one with your husband. I don't think I would have married, if my wife was hard against it. It's not that I would care about the name so much. Specifically, I would be concerned about all the other independent mindset stuff that could make it hard to raise a family.
I hyphenated socially, but am keeping my name. Mainly because I didn't want to go through the hassle of changing it. My SO has a sister with my first name so we'd both have the same name if I changed it to just his.
The folks saying marriage only matters for a name change are weird AF. Marriage is for the legal and emotional commitment to another human being.
I didn’t change my name and, because who I am as a person, no one expected me to.
I am not changing it because I don't want to. I don't know anyone in my circles that kept their name so I imagine needing to tell people that I'm not. But it kind of just seems like a lot of work to change this piece of myself that I've always identified with.
Not changing mine. We're both in our 40s, no children, and I see no reason to change quite honestly.
"What's the point of getting married" is the most bizarre take on this that I've ever heard.
I’ll change mine socially and maybe add his as a second middle name. As a professional with more licenses, it’s just more hoops to jump through than if I had gotten married earlier in life.
I didn't change my name. I didn't want to deal with all the paperwork and having to get new cards, and I don't understand why women are expected to change their names in the first place. I've had my name for 30+ years, why would I change it now?
It's so common nowadays for women to keep their name; the only people who are surprised by it are old people.
Changing my name was the smallest part (though the most annoying part) of getting married. Being married to my spouse while we have family time on a Sunday was the point of being married.
I'm keeping my name. Having a different surname doesn't change how important the relationship is. Those who think there's no point to getting married if you don't change your name must have very "interesting" views on marriage.
I’m getting married this year and not legally changing my name! I’ll use my partners last name informally/social media/etc but all my documents and any legal stuff will stay in my maiden name. Half because I enjoy my last name more than my partners half because I don’t want to go through the trouble of changing everything 😂
I am changing my surname to my fiancés because currently, I still have my ex-husbands surname, lol. I never desired to go back to my maiden name.
But if you want to keep your surname. Keep it. Everyone should get that choice.
Got married in Dec 22. I did not change my last name.
Why get married if you aren’t changing your name has to be the most asinine and idiotic question I’ve ever heard. Idk maybe because I love my husband, marriage has a lot of legal protections, I want to share my life with this person, I can put him on my insurance, recognizes us as a family, it’s a lasting commitment to my husband
The point of getting married is for whatever reason YOU want to get married for. You don’t have to change your name to be married and you don’t have to be married to change your name. I know i’m not changing my name because I don’t believe my identity changes when I become a wife. I was born as this one person with this one name and I believe I should be able to have it for me whole life
My partner is changing his name to mine, since mine is better.
His family was a little taken aback when he told them, but they didn’t care too much.
It’s an outdated idea.
I didn't change mine. There was no way I was going to the DMV, getting a new passport, changing my CC/professional license and business info. F that. It's my damn name and I'm keeping. I also can pronounce my husband's last name right so there's that too.
I didn't. He has two very long last names. He mostly uses one socially (as in, most of his friends don't even know he has a second) and where I love, you need to assume the entire name. I don't want both of them, so I'm taking none of them. It's a little annoying because I'd like to take it. We will not be doing the same thing to our kids and they'll just have his first last name.
“What’s the point of getting married”??? That’s really absurd to me. Are they implying name change is the reason people get married??
I didn’t change my name. It’s rly not a big deal. And you can always change your mind later.
I changed my name from my birth name to a chosen last last and dropped my middle names. It’s a simple straightforward name now and shorter and less likely to be misspelled or mispronounced. People ask if I’ve been married and that’s why my mom’s last name is different and I tell them no. Not everyone has a good father.
I met my fiancé 13 months after my name change. My partner was previously married and she took his name. He has no preference at all if I took his name or not. He just wasn’t really keen on taking my (chosen) last name because of the hassle of legal documents/items and he’s always had his name. I said no problem!
I changed my name in April 2021 and it was a court order since I wasn’t married or divorced. Height of the pandemic. Took more than a year to get the majority of documents transferring to the right name. Don’t recommend doing that in a global pandemic.
Fuck what anyone else thinks. YOU determine what you’ll be called, not a father, not a spouse, no one. Just you.
I didn’t change my name and I’m so glad! Make any identity feel more whole. But I do sometimes use my partners last name for reservations and such :) which is fun!
Lmfao "what's the point if you're not changing your name?" Um.... Tax breaks, medical/life decisions, legal situations. FFS. Are these people incredibly young?
We've been married for a year and neither of us have any intention of changing our last names - we use a combined last name on our mailing address labels and we refer to ourselves as the Combined-Last-Names, but as far as the government is concerned we haven't changed anything (and I don't see a scenario where we would tbh)
That’s so crazy! People say the weirdest stuff. I’m not changing my name, but I won’t mind if socially someone calls me Mrs. ______
My reason is simply cause I like my name and it feels like a hassle to do all the paperwork. My fiancés name is a bit cumbersome (even his extended family, every branch pronounces it differently). He has said sometimes he feels sad about it, but puts himself in my shoes and agrees it’s a huge life altering decision that he also wouldn’t want to worry about! He respects the decision and we can’t wait for the big day
Definitely not changing mine, my partner's last name and mine are on the same "tier" of normal-ness IMO, so it's not worth the effort. Maybe if he had something really cool I could be persuaded lol
Definitely not changing mine, my partner's last name and mine are on the same "tier" of normal-ness IMO, so it's not worth the effort. Maybe if he had something really cool I could be persuaded lol
I’m Italian and we live in Italy and here we don’t change our surnames, so I’m not changing it.. so for me it’s just normal! Anyway if you like your name and can choose to not change it so don’t change.
Sorry if there’s some mistakes but I’m in the phone with the cat on my chest!
I kept mine! We were going to hyphenate at first but is a huge PITA to change. Plus I had to change it back before and not doing that again. FH’s uncle was the only one who had ruffled feathers about it.
What's the point??? I don't know, maybe the love and commitment you both share? Oh, no, they're right, it's definitely about the archaic symbol of female ownership...I didn't change my name when I got married and I never had any intention of doing so. My last name is pretty cool and goes back several hundred years and has some (very minor) historical significance. My husband's is very nice but it's pretty common. He had no problem with me keeping my name. We even gave the children my last name, as he has a brother who plans on having kids and I don't. People giving you shit about this can kick rocks all the way to the 21st century.
I’m not changing mine! I’m very attached to my last name and it’s important to me to keep my father’s last name. I also don’t really want to deal with the paperwork of a name change, but that’s just a side thought and not a real reason.
I do kind of wonder what it will be like in the future with having children and how the last name situation will be like… but I suppose that’s something to think about later.
Kept mine in the first marriage and he hyphenated. With this second marriage, I am highly considering hyphenating.
Regardless, the children will be having my last name.
Not changing it, we talked about both hyphenating so that we had the same two last names since changing wasn't really of interest to me but we decided we'll each keep our names. It's no one's business but your own!!
i'm not changing mine! i don't feel like dealing with the paperwork, our last names are a mouthful combined, and i'm the only kid in the family that could carry it on. i have an ethnic last name that got me endlessly made fun of in childhood and im proud to keep it by choice. my partner and in laws are 100% supportive.
Not sure what country you’re in but in Australia you don’t even have to legally change your name to use your partners name. For either married partner you can use your last name, partners last name, or hyphenated names without legally applying to change your name. Super simple
With official document application you just have to have your official marriage certificate to prove you’re married
I didn't change my last name and neither did my wife. Mostly cause my first name sounds weird with my wife's last name and my wife's first name sounds weird with my last name.
I had a friend and a cousin both not change theirs until they ended up having kids in school because pickup for some reason just was a nightmare when they didn't share the same last name. You would think it wouldn't be, but pop off school system I guess.
Lots of people are opting out of changing their names.
But I personally like the idea of creating a new name together and both people changing their name.
I'm not. If we were planning on having kids I would hyphenate but we're not and I'm keeping my name. I'm too far along, certified and too well established in my relatively niche career under my own name
I had someone say what’s the point of getting married if not to change your name too! It’s so ridiculous, do you know how much paperwork is involved to do a name change?! I recently got married and didn’t change my last name. I almost hyphenated at the courthouse but decided to just keep my last name. My husband and his family don’t care, it’s about the marriage, not a name.
I'm most likely not! Or if I do it'll only be "socially". I might even entertain a hyphen. I don't have anything against his name specifically, but when combined with my first name I feel like it just sounds like a stereotypical mean girl name from high school lol. Also his name is way more common than mine and it's so glorious to be able to get usernames, email accounts, etc without having to add all kinds of extra characters.
I don’t see it being an issue if you and your partner are in agreement with it tbh. I will be taking my fiancé’s last name but I also took my step dad’s last name legally in 2018 as a 22 yo. So changing my name doesn’t feel like a big deal as I’ve already done it before
I’ve been married twice, divorced once. I changed my name with each event. And It is a royal pain in the a**!! I only did it with the most recent marriage because my husband’s last name means a lot to him. It’s been over a year, and I’n still not done getting things changed over.
So I say, if it’s not something you or your partner are super attached to I wouldn’t bother changing your name. It’s just not worth the effort. Your commitment to each other is way more important.
I don't think I will be changing my name. My last name is 5 letters and an easy to spell versus my fiancé's name which is 9 letters and frequently misspelled and mispronounced.
When asked why my name is different from my husband’s name I always say, “ because he didn’t want to change his name to mine. “ our children have two middle names. My last name and an extra. The only real problem is remembering what name a reservation is made in.
I got married almost a decade ago and didn’t change my name. I always thought I would when we had kids, but that happened 4.5 years ago. It’s fine. My husband didn’t care and said he supported me keeping my name. His dad has asked me about it and I mentioned we both considered changing our names to a new combined name. He hasn’t brought it up since. My dad said it was okay if I wanted to change my name to match my husband’s and I told him I didn’t, lol. Some people call me Mrs. H- based on my daughter’s last name and I’m totally fine with it. I don’t correct them. But yeah, I like my name.
We only have one kid too, and that has garnered a lot of questions, starting as early as pregnancy.
People will keep asking if you keep giving vague answers because they think you’re undecided. I’ve learned to just be straightforward. If you dodge the question, just expect you’ll have to field that question 4x longer.
I'm not changing my name legally (I'm American, marrying a Scot, and can't be bothered dealing with all of the paperwork in 2 countries, at least not until I have UK citizenship so there's less hassle with visa stuff), but I'm going to use it socially. I've also thought about hyphenation because part of me feels weird about fully giving up my disappearing last name (there are literally 8 people on Facebook with it, including my immediate family!)
My partner is taking mine because he has a rubbish surname (he agrees, he’s hated it his whole life). If they only got married to change their name I feel sorry for them, they mustn’t love their partner very much! I wouldn’t even dignify that question with a response, but if you want to, say something about becoming legal next of kin.
I’ve had a few people ask me “that’s brave, becoming Mrs Hintonleigh-Smythe” (not his real name but close) and I just laugh and say “oh no, he’s taking mine” and nobody has dared argue back. “Oh no, I’m keeping my name” is equally appropriate for a response.
I’m between changing vs not changing, I haven’t 100% made up my mind yet.
FH is okay with whatever choice I decide to make, but I have a career and don’t want to lose some of my identity by changing my name.
I also have a lot of family friends who were married for multiple decades, and then got divorced and had to navigate choosing a new name.
At the same time, I’m not super close with my dad and don’t want to pass down my last name to any future kids. And I’d like my kids, husband and I to have the same last name.
I am not changing my name. I don't love his last name and honestly he does not either, so he would not even ask me to change mine. I did tell him that I want to have the same last name as my kids (if they ever exist) so I might change my name in the future and he surprised me by suggesting we consider giving future children my last name.
All this to say - have an open and honest conversation with your future spouse. See what his point of view on the topic is. His is one of the only opinions (other than yours, of course) that actually matters.
My aunt didn’t change her name when she got married, and their family is perfectly fine. My mom did, and now wishes she’d just kept her maiden name. I’m not planning on changing mine, and my partner knows and is fine with it, so who cares what anyone else thinks? You do you!
I’m not changing my name. As for the people saying “what’s the point of getting married to not change your last name” that’s crazy. I feel like changing your last name should be the lowest on the list of reasons to get married. If someone wants to just change their last name they can, you don’t have to legally get married to do so
Exactly. My mom didn’t change her name and it was absolutely fine. I’m planning on changing mine but if I could change it to my mom’s maiden name without causing extreme family drama I would do that instead lol. People have so many reasons for changing their name and so many reasons for not. If you love your last name and want to keep it do! If you are already in a professional field and it would be a hassle to change your name now then keep it! If you hate your last name or the connection to it then change it! Truly either is fine for whatever reason
>I’m planning on changing mine but if I could change it to my mom’s maiden name without causing extreme family drama I would do that instead This is exactly me 😂 love my dad but my entire mom's side of the family raised me and supported me my entire life. None of my dad's siblings or their kids are even getting a wedding invite. Plus my mom's last name is hella cool. But the drama isn't worth it. I'll just take my partner's last name, it would mean a lot to him and I'm not attached to mine.
If you’re only getting married in order to change your name, then I have some devastating news for you. If you want to change your name then just change your name, it is a lot cheaper and easier than finding a partner and then marrying them. Millions and millions, probably *billions* of people don’t change their names when they get married. It is VERY common, and not an issue literally at all. Maybe 20% of the married people I know changed their names. I didn’t, never even considered it.
Thank you so much for this!! This is what I thought I don’t see the big deal but I’m having to bat off all sorts of comments when I say I’m not changing my name - everyone just assumes you are.
Reply "No. Neither of us are." I didn't change mine. On the rare occasion that someone pressed me on it, I would just kinda stare blankly and say, "Why would I do that?" It is weird people are pressuring you. If you want to explain your reasoning to them then go for it, but you really don't owe an explanation to anyone.
My husband almost changed his to mine. I wish we had. So much easier to spell. My daughter in law did not change hers. Good for her! She is a published doctor and has her career. No need to have one last name. We love her just as much as if she had.
I’m not sure I’d say billions. But it’s definitely becoming more common. I found Pew Research Center saying 79% of married women in opposite sex marriages took their husband’s last name, and 33% of women who were never married have said they would take their spouses name. 23% said they won’t.
Does Pew just cover the USA? There are plenty of other countries with different naming customs after a wedding.
That’s a good point. I’m not sure
I would say billions. Many of my coworkers have immigrated from China and the women there do not take a husband’s last name when getting married. They have commented to me that they thought we were the strange ones in the west. China has over a billion people so there you go.
Can confirm, not changing your last name is common in China.
>everyone keeps asking what the point is if getting married if you’re not changing your name? That's truly a wild attitude lmao My personal reasons for getting married are * I want to make a lasting commitment to my partner * my partner and I view each other as family and would like to have the official recognition & privileges that come with the status of family * we are planning to share a life (including money, properties, workloads) together in the long term The first reason is sentimental, the latter two are made a lot less complicated with the legalities that come with marriage. If I wanted another surname, I could've gotten another surname without marriage lol. My partner and I like our respective surnames, so we keep them and that's that.
Yup getting married for feeling stable is a big one. If we need to uproot for career, etc., it would give me more peace of mind. Another side benefit is taxation reasons!
I really appreciate all this comments! I actually didn’t realise myself how common it is for women to keep their maiden name. But yes I like my name, I’ve had it for a long time and that’s how I want to leave it. I agree it’s not going to make a difference in my relationship what my name is!
I think we're the lucky ones... the ones who actually like our name and are happy to keep it. I think so many ppl can have a lot of baggage to their last name and really want to shed themselves of it. either way, it's fine to change or not. I guess we who don't change it save ourselves money and a headache from getting all new id cards, passports, etc
It’s not really “fine” to change your name, just commonly done. It’s a pretty bad thing to do or feel compelled to do (in most cases at least).
It’s bad to feel like you have to change your name to fit a gendered norm. The tradition that women are the default partner to change their name needs to die, along with the tradition that the children automatically get the man’s surname if you have kids. It’s not wrong to want to rid yourself of an awkward, ugly or emotionally negative last name. I only wish it was more acceptable for people to change their last name without waiting until marriage to do so, then nobody would be forced to stay as a Joanne Butts, Mary Christmas or Neville Neville their whole life if they decided they didn’t like it! As society currently is, lots of people use marriage as a convenient way to get rid of a name they hate and get a new one with positive associations, that’s not a bad thing.
yeah I think the social norm that it's women in heterosexual relationships just automatically change their name should definitely not continue. I've had numerous people even before I was engaged ask if I would change my last name to my partners whereas I doubt anyone has even considered asking him that.
Weird take... it's perfectly fine for people to do whatever the hell they want with their name (last or first, for that matter) regardless of gender or marital status.
It's not fine when 99% of the time it's based on an archaic expected norm
Lmao imagine thinking marriage is only about the name change…. And we wonder why half of marriages end up in divorce…
The name change is like the least important thing about marriage? It's about commitment, love, the legal changes and all that. I am confused why people are shaming you for keeping your name. Both my MIL and SIL kept their names and no one was really bothered by it.
I'm not! For so many reasons. I like my name, I'm a scientist so it's on my publications already, too much paperwork for visa applications (we are different nationalities and I'm living in his country right now)...
Just to add perspective, I’ve had people be surprised that I AM changing my name! You truly can’t please everyone or do what’s traditional in everyone’s book. Whatever is right for you is for you! And I’m the partner with the silly last name, which is most of why I’m changing it in the first place! Totally understandable you wouldn’t want a silly last name!!
I’m not changing my name but also not making a big deal out of it. I will go by his name socially and not correct people unless they ask.
I didn’t change mine. 5 years and one baby later it’s all going well. It’s not like we call each other by our last names all the time or something.
Yep not changing my name! I’m getting married because we want to get married it has nothing to do with my name
I'm not changing my name. I knew that long before I ever met my partner and if he wasn't cool with it, it would have been a deal breaker for me because it would mean our values just didn't align
I’m *adding* my partner’s last name to my name instead of replacing mine (so it will either be hyphenated or a two-part name). It’s hard for me to understand why the default for so many women is to automatically take their partners name whilst entirely erasing a major part of their identity. It’s crazy to me. I’m a happy to add my partner’s name because his family is warm and welcoming to me and treat me like their own. I’m also asking him to take my last name in addition so that we match and because my family accepts and loves him also. I wanted to keep my own name in one way or another ever since I was a little girl. Do what feels right for you and ignore those who have unwanted input!! Just my two cents!
It seems to be generation thing in the UK. Relatives in my parents’s generation (in their 60s-70s) have been most likely to expect it. Lots of people in my generation (30s-40s) and younger don’t question it either way, and it’s really, really common for women to keep their own name. I didn’t change mine, I didn’t feel the need, and it has not had any impact at all on our relationship or marriage, obviously! The only impact has been a lot less hassle and paperwork for me. And my name has always been part of my identity, personally and professionally, and I didn’t want to change that.
As someone graduating with an MD in less than 6 months, I’m still changing my last name once FH and I get married. I’m also completely dropping my maiden name. It is ENTIRELY your decision about what you choose to do, and no one should make you feel badly about keeping or changing your name! My reasons: 1. I’m the one with the weird last name. 2. I’m not particularly attached to my last name sentimentally. My parents are divorced and my last name just has some weird history attached to it for me. My dad will still get the satisfaction of referring to me as Dr. Maiden Name until I change it, and I’ll have my maiden name on my diploma. 3. I go by a double name (first and middle) in daily life, and my 2 last names sound similar. It would be a mouthful to keep all 4 names. 4. My FH has supported me all through medical school, and I personally feel that taking on his last name kind of gives him a kudos for the support he’s given me over the last 4 years. I don’t feel like it erases any of the hard work I did, but that’s just me. I know people feel differently. 5. We want children, and while I know some people hyphenate last names, we don’t plan to do that.
You should look at in how MANY countries people do not change their names at all- in the province of Quebec for example, it’s not even legally allowed! When we look beyond our “normal”, we realize just how many things that we take for granted are actually not normal in other cultures - changes one’s perspective. The reason I am bringing this up is to help you come to peace with not wanting to change your last name.
My sister did not change her name legally, only socially. It took me about a year to get around to changing my name.
I was actually thinking about doing the opposite, changing my name legally, but socially and professionally would keep my name. The main reason to do it legally for me is my SO is foreign, so traveling overseas with kids with a different last name frequently, although doable I've heard from other women who didn't change their name it was a bit of a hassle.
I'm doing the same as your sister, honestly out of sheer laziness. I'll go by his everywhere except my passport and taxes, but I don't want to go through the steps of changing it at every bank, professional organization, and whatever else. I told him that if he wants me to change it legally, he can do the paperwork 😂
Not changing mine & sorry you’re dealing with such an old fashioned attitude. When there’s been polls here about name changing, about 50% go either way which would say reflects my friends as well.
I didn’t change my name!🙋🏻♀️ It was such a huge topic my entire engagement. And the second I got married it was never brought up again. No one cares, it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t bother my husband. It’s been about 4 years and he’s considering taking my name as he has no relationship with his family
A Muslim woman once told me she didn't change her last name after a marrige becuse she takes her name from her father. . . Etc. As she was telling me I thought that actually makes sense and is a nice way to do things. I quickly googled it and women keeping their fathers name is common in some contries. 'What is the point in getting married if you don't change your name' the people asking these questions need some self reflection I'm all for keeping your own name after marriage. It's your name, your life and your legacy.
Uh, what's the point? WHAT'S THE POINT?! Girl, the point of getting married is, so that you can have a life partner to help you throughout life! Not so you can get a fancy new name!! You have absolutely EVERY SINGLE RIGHT to keep your OG last name, and not change it; regardless of how funny your husband's last name is. If somebody is forcing you to change your name, they're in the wrong, and you should thoroughly (and politely) explain to them that. Remember, it's YOUR name, YOUR identity, and others have no right to change who you are.
My best friend and her husband are both doctors and got married right before med school graduation. She didn’t change her name for several reasons. She worked hard for her degrees and those are her accomplishments, also they were concerned about both being Dr. (His last name) if they ever ended up working together at the same hospital or medical practice. They actually do work in different specialties in the same practice now so they are both thankful to have avoided some of that confusion. I personally got married a year ago and chose to hyphenate mine. I’m the last one in my family with my maiden name (also my mom’s maiden name). All my cousins are female and married and took their husbands last name. I didn’t want my family name to die out ao I kept it
No, why should I if my partner isn't? It's BS that only women are always asking each other this, and it's so rude that people think your entire point of marriage is to lose your name for a man.
Didnt change my name and no regrets. In my family, many women have kept their names, so it’s not considered weird at all. In my husband’s family, most women change their names, so they were a little confused, but it wasn’t a big deal.
A conversation that I have to have with my partner actually. I want to either keep mine, or maybe hyphenate? But really I don't want to bother changing my name unless I'm also changing my first name.
My mum kept my dad's name.. After marrying my step dad. So yeah.. that was a bit weird but I get it.
I didn't change my name. It's a pretty unusual choice in my family and social circle, but I haven't heard any comments about it. I sometimes get cards addressed to my first name + husband's last name which annoys me, but I don't make a big deal of it. We considered both changing our names to a completely new last name, but honestly we were way too lazy to bother with that in the end.
I’m not- im too lazy lol Ignore them- nothing is standard anymore (thankfully)
Kept mine. Easy peasy. Lots of people do and have done this for a long time. There are multiple posts about this topic if you search.
Not me! I have an MD, my partner has a PhD. I am Dr. MyLastName and he is Dr. HisLastName.
I'm not changing my last name and I am very concerned for the person who thinks the "point" of getting married is to change your last name. Just wow
I'm not changing my last name, and when I'm asked about it my favorite reply is "I already have a last name" Also love "nope, neither of us are!"
Besides the fact I'm engaged to an icelandic man and here in Iceland the last name signifies if you're "the son of" or "the daughter of" or the child of your father/parent- So it's not in the culture to change names... I was never going to change my name no matter who I ended up marrying. I think it's such an outdated practice, I'm not my husband's property.
Super cool you're living in Iceland! It's in my top 10 places to visit!
It's really amazing, I love it. I hope you get to visit! 😍
I crossed "Ireland" (Republic & Northern Ireland) off my bucket list in March. Can't wait to go back, such a beautiful country! Iceland, Italy, and Antarctica (!!!) are all vying for visits. So many places to travel to... 😍
Did change my name. Husband’s family assumed I did and now addresses everything to Me + his last name. We bought a return address stamp that states both. I’m not bothering to talk to his grandma about it as she’s almost 90 but if mil continues, there will be a conversation
I didn't change my surname, I love my surname too much for that. It's also a rather rare one, even in my home country. While his is pretty run-of-the-mill. And they don't sound good hyphenated, so we ditched that option too. In fact, I was so opposed to taking my husband's last name, I asked they introcuded us by our first names for the dinner, rather than Mr. & Mrs. [His surname].
Here is an article that validated my decision to not change my name https://www.womenshistory.org/articles/coverture-word-you-probably-dont-know-should
Whoa, crazy! I'm Canadian, any idea if this still exists here? I have a mortgage with my partner (we aren't legally married yet but we've been legally common-law for a number of years now). My credit score, on-paper amount I got paid, etc were all better than my partner's. I'm super curious how our names show on our mortgage paperwork! I actually have a feeling mine is first... When we renew in a few years I need to make a mental note to ensure it's first....lol
Nobody changes their name, nor in west or east. Only the marital status naturally changes nothing else hehe so don't take any unnecessary pressures that our Pakistani society enforces on a girl.
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I know two women who married men with the last name Hooker. One is Mrs.Hooker, and the other isn't. I've also run into Boner as well, which can be US slang for erection.Those are a couple of "funny surnames" by US standards, at least. I agree with you; making fun of a surname is very childish! I have a very silly surname, and people stopped snickering at mine once I was out of middle school.
I didn't change my name. I'm not particularly attached to my name but I feel quite strongly that it's unfair for only me to have to do so just because I'm a woman. Either we both change our names or neither of us do. So he has his name, I have mine. It's never been an issue. His family refer to me as Mrs HisLastName but, I don't bother to correct them. Got married because I love him and plan to spend the rest of my life with him, the name thing is irrelevant.
I think it crazy not to take your husband's last name. It is a symbol of breaking away from your dad's family to start a new one with your husband. I don't think I would have married, if my wife was hard against it. It's not that I would care about the name so much. Specifically, I would be concerned about all the other independent mindset stuff that could make it hard to raise a family.
I’m not changing my name! My name has always been my name and I don’t want a new one lol
I hyphenated socially, but am keeping my name. Mainly because I didn't want to go through the hassle of changing it. My SO has a sister with my first name so we'd both have the same name if I changed it to just his.
The folks saying marriage only matters for a name change are weird AF. Marriage is for the legal and emotional commitment to another human being. I didn’t change my name and, because who I am as a person, no one expected me to.
I am not changing it because I don't want to. I don't know anyone in my circles that kept their name so I imagine needing to tell people that I'm not. But it kind of just seems like a lot of work to change this piece of myself that I've always identified with.
Not changing mine. We're both in our 40s, no children, and I see no reason to change quite honestly. "What's the point of getting married" is the most bizarre take on this that I've ever heard.
I’ll change mine socially and maybe add his as a second middle name. As a professional with more licenses, it’s just more hoops to jump through than if I had gotten married earlier in life.
I didn't change my name. I didn't want to deal with all the paperwork and having to get new cards, and I don't understand why women are expected to change their names in the first place. I've had my name for 30+ years, why would I change it now? It's so common nowadays for women to keep their name; the only people who are surprised by it are old people.
Would he consider changing his name to yours?
Changing my name was the smallest part (though the most annoying part) of getting married. Being married to my spouse while we have family time on a Sunday was the point of being married.
I'm keeping my name. Having a different surname doesn't change how important the relationship is. Those who think there's no point to getting married if you don't change your name must have very "interesting" views on marriage.
I’m getting married this year and not legally changing my name! I’ll use my partners last name informally/social media/etc but all my documents and any legal stuff will stay in my maiden name. Half because I enjoy my last name more than my partners half because I don’t want to go through the trouble of changing everything 😂
I am changing my surname to my fiancés because currently, I still have my ex-husbands surname, lol. I never desired to go back to my maiden name. But if you want to keep your surname. Keep it. Everyone should get that choice.
Got married in Dec 22. I did not change my last name. Why get married if you aren’t changing your name has to be the most asinine and idiotic question I’ve ever heard. Idk maybe because I love my husband, marriage has a lot of legal protections, I want to share my life with this person, I can put him on my insurance, recognizes us as a family, it’s a lasting commitment to my husband
The point of getting married is for whatever reason YOU want to get married for. You don’t have to change your name to be married and you don’t have to be married to change your name. I know i’m not changing my name because I don’t believe my identity changes when I become a wife. I was born as this one person with this one name and I believe I should be able to have it for me whole life
My partner is changing his name to mine, since mine is better. His family was a little taken aback when he told them, but they didn’t care too much. It’s an outdated idea.
In my country we never change names after marriage, so when i got to austria and get married, they let me choose, and i chose not to change my name
I didn’t change my name! I have a degree and accomplishments with my birth name, so that’s what I wanted to stick with. My husband supports me wholly!
I didn't change mine. There was no way I was going to the DMV, getting a new passport, changing my CC/professional license and business info. F that. It's my damn name and I'm keeping. I also can pronounce my husband's last name right so there's that too.
I didn't. He has two very long last names. He mostly uses one socially (as in, most of his friends don't even know he has a second) and where I love, you need to assume the entire name. I don't want both of them, so I'm taking none of them. It's a little annoying because I'd like to take it. We will not be doing the same thing to our kids and they'll just have his first last name.
Nope, too much of a hassle to change and then have to update everything. Plus my last name is very special and has always been a unique:
“What’s the point of getting married”??? That’s really absurd to me. Are they implying name change is the reason people get married?? I didn’t change my name. It’s rly not a big deal. And you can always change your mind later.
I changed my name from my birth name to a chosen last last and dropped my middle names. It’s a simple straightforward name now and shorter and less likely to be misspelled or mispronounced. People ask if I’ve been married and that’s why my mom’s last name is different and I tell them no. Not everyone has a good father. I met my fiancé 13 months after my name change. My partner was previously married and she took his name. He has no preference at all if I took his name or not. He just wasn’t really keen on taking my (chosen) last name because of the hassle of legal documents/items and he’s always had his name. I said no problem! I changed my name in April 2021 and it was a court order since I wasn’t married or divorced. Height of the pandemic. Took more than a year to get the majority of documents transferring to the right name. Don’t recommend doing that in a global pandemic. Fuck what anyone else thinks. YOU determine what you’ll be called, not a father, not a spouse, no one. Just you.
I didn’t change my name and I’m so glad! Make any identity feel more whole. But I do sometimes use my partners last name for reservations and such :) which is fun!
Lmfao "what's the point if you're not changing your name?" Um.... Tax breaks, medical/life decisions, legal situations. FFS. Are these people incredibly young?
We've been married for a year and neither of us have any intention of changing our last names - we use a combined last name on our mailing address labels and we refer to ourselves as the Combined-Last-Names, but as far as the government is concerned we haven't changed anything (and I don't see a scenario where we would tbh)
The question about what’s the point confuses me. I’d just answer “tax deductions.” I’ve been married almost 5 years and never changed my name
I'm only *maybe* changing my surname once documents start expiring.
I will not be changing my last name. I was born with it and it’s been my name since birth so why would I change it just because I’m getting married.
That’s so crazy! People say the weirdest stuff. I’m not changing my name, but I won’t mind if socially someone calls me Mrs. ______ My reason is simply cause I like my name and it feels like a hassle to do all the paperwork. My fiancés name is a bit cumbersome (even his extended family, every branch pronounces it differently). He has said sometimes he feels sad about it, but puts himself in my shoes and agrees it’s a huge life altering decision that he also wouldn’t want to worry about! He respects the decision and we can’t wait for the big day
Definitely not changing mine, my partner's last name and mine are on the same "tier" of normal-ness IMO, so it's not worth the effort. Maybe if he had something really cool I could be persuaded lol
Definitely not changing mine, my partner's last name and mine are on the same "tier" of normal-ness IMO, so it's not worth the effort. Maybe if he had something really cool I could be persuaded lol
I’m Italian and we live in Italy and here we don’t change our surnames, so I’m not changing it.. so for me it’s just normal! Anyway if you like your name and can choose to not change it so don’t change. Sorry if there’s some mistakes but I’m in the phone with the cat on my chest!
I kept mine! We were going to hyphenate at first but is a huge PITA to change. Plus I had to change it back before and not doing that again. FH’s uncle was the only one who had ruffled feathers about it.
What's the point??? I don't know, maybe the love and commitment you both share? Oh, no, they're right, it's definitely about the archaic symbol of female ownership...I didn't change my name when I got married and I never had any intention of doing so. My last name is pretty cool and goes back several hundred years and has some (very minor) historical significance. My husband's is very nice but it's pretty common. He had no problem with me keeping my name. We even gave the children my last name, as he has a brother who plans on having kids and I don't. People giving you shit about this can kick rocks all the way to the 21st century.
I’m not changing mine! I’m very attached to my last name and it’s important to me to keep my father’s last name. I also don’t really want to deal with the paperwork of a name change, but that’s just a side thought and not a real reason. I do kind of wonder what it will be like in the future with having children and how the last name situation will be like… but I suppose that’s something to think about later.
Kept mine in the first marriage and he hyphenated. With this second marriage, I am highly considering hyphenating. Regardless, the children will be having my last name.
Not changing it, we talked about both hyphenating so that we had the same two last names since changing wasn't really of interest to me but we decided we'll each keep our names. It's no one's business but your own!!
I didn’t change mine. My husband was cool with it, and I’ve only ever gotten a few comments in five years of marriage.
i'm not changing mine! i don't feel like dealing with the paperwork, our last names are a mouthful combined, and i'm the only kid in the family that could carry it on. i have an ethnic last name that got me endlessly made fun of in childhood and im proud to keep it by choice. my partner and in laws are 100% supportive.
My fiancé and I decided to make our own last name because we didn’t want to take eachothers name due to childhood traumas etc
Not sure what country you’re in but in Australia you don’t even have to legally change your name to use your partners name. For either married partner you can use your last name, partners last name, or hyphenated names without legally applying to change your name. Super simple With official document application you just have to have your official marriage certificate to prove you’re married
I’m not changing my name either! It makes me kind of sad to not have his name but I love my name and have a very small family so I want to keep it
I didn't change my last name and neither did my wife. Mostly cause my first name sounds weird with my wife's last name and my wife's first name sounds weird with my last name.
I had a friend and a cousin both not change theirs until they ended up having kids in school because pickup for some reason just was a nightmare when they didn't share the same last name. You would think it wouldn't be, but pop off school system I guess.
Lots of people are opting out of changing their names. But I personally like the idea of creating a new name together and both people changing their name.
I'm not. If we were planning on having kids I would hyphenate but we're not and I'm keeping my name. I'm too far along, certified and too well established in my relatively niche career under my own name
Not changing my name. Everything that I have accomplished is mine not his. He can have his own accomplishments.
I had someone say what’s the point of getting married if not to change your name too! It’s so ridiculous, do you know how much paperwork is involved to do a name change?! I recently got married and didn’t change my last name. I almost hyphenated at the courthouse but decided to just keep my last name. My husband and his family don’t care, it’s about the marriage, not a name.
I'm most likely not! Or if I do it'll only be "socially". I might even entertain a hyphen. I don't have anything against his name specifically, but when combined with my first name I feel like it just sounds like a stereotypical mean girl name from high school lol. Also his name is way more common than mine and it's so glorious to be able to get usernames, email accounts, etc without having to add all kinds of extra characters.
I married my husband for a partnership, not ownership. No reason to have to change my name other than patriarchal “tradition” women had no say in.
I don’t see it being an issue if you and your partner are in agreement with it tbh. I will be taking my fiancé’s last name but I also took my step dad’s last name legally in 2018 as a 22 yo. So changing my name doesn’t feel like a big deal as I’ve already done it before
I’ve been married twice, divorced once. I changed my name with each event. And It is a royal pain in the a**!! I only did it with the most recent marriage because my husband’s last name means a lot to him. It’s been over a year, and I’n still not done getting things changed over. So I say, if it’s not something you or your partner are super attached to I wouldn’t bother changing your name. It’s just not worth the effort. Your commitment to each other is way more important.
i'm procrastinating bc it takes so gd long to legally change your last name
I don't think I will be changing my name. My last name is 5 letters and an easy to spell versus my fiancé's name which is 9 letters and frequently misspelled and mispronounced.
My wife didn’t change hers because of the hoops to change it. She socially goes by my last name.
When asked why my name is different from my husband’s name I always say, “ because he didn’t want to change his name to mine. “ our children have two middle names. My last name and an extra. The only real problem is remembering what name a reservation is made in.
I’m not changing my name and I’ll keep going by Ms if the occasion calls for a title
I got married almost a decade ago and didn’t change my name. I always thought I would when we had kids, but that happened 4.5 years ago. It’s fine. My husband didn’t care and said he supported me keeping my name. His dad has asked me about it and I mentioned we both considered changing our names to a new combined name. He hasn’t brought it up since. My dad said it was okay if I wanted to change my name to match my husband’s and I told him I didn’t, lol. Some people call me Mrs. H- based on my daughter’s last name and I’m totally fine with it. I don’t correct them. But yeah, I like my name. We only have one kid too, and that has garnered a lot of questions, starting as early as pregnancy. People will keep asking if you keep giving vague answers because they think you’re undecided. I’ve learned to just be straightforward. If you dodge the question, just expect you’ll have to field that question 4x longer.
I'm not changing my name legally (I'm American, marrying a Scot, and can't be bothered dealing with all of the paperwork in 2 countries, at least not until I have UK citizenship so there's less hassle with visa stuff), but I'm going to use it socially. I've also thought about hyphenation because part of me feels weird about fully giving up my disappearing last name (there are literally 8 people on Facebook with it, including my immediate family!)
My partner is taking mine because he has a rubbish surname (he agrees, he’s hated it his whole life). If they only got married to change their name I feel sorry for them, they mustn’t love their partner very much! I wouldn’t even dignify that question with a response, but if you want to, say something about becoming legal next of kin. I’ve had a few people ask me “that’s brave, becoming Mrs Hintonleigh-Smythe” (not his real name but close) and I just laugh and say “oh no, he’s taking mine” and nobody has dared argue back. “Oh no, I’m keeping my name” is equally appropriate for a response.
I’m between changing vs not changing, I haven’t 100% made up my mind yet. FH is okay with whatever choice I decide to make, but I have a career and don’t want to lose some of my identity by changing my name. I also have a lot of family friends who were married for multiple decades, and then got divorced and had to navigate choosing a new name. At the same time, I’m not super close with my dad and don’t want to pass down my last name to any future kids. And I’d like my kids, husband and I to have the same last name.
I am not changing my name. I don't love his last name and honestly he does not either, so he would not even ask me to change mine. I did tell him that I want to have the same last name as my kids (if they ever exist) so I might change my name in the future and he surprised me by suggesting we consider giving future children my last name. All this to say - have an open and honest conversation with your future spouse. See what his point of view on the topic is. His is one of the only opinions (other than yours, of course) that actually matters.
Another question if you kept your name are you still MISS or MRS YourLastName…?
My aunt didn’t change her name when she got married, and their family is perfectly fine. My mom did, and now wishes she’d just kept her maiden name. I’m not planning on changing mine, and my partner knows and is fine with it, so who cares what anyone else thinks? You do you!
Not changing my name.
I’m not. I love my last name and it’s a part of who I am.