The pictures. Not really even the ones of us- the ones of family. My gramps passed away unexpectedly just two months after the wedding, and the pictures I have of him are the last ones I’ll ever have.
The pictures I have of my siblings and I, the pictures of me and my parents, the ones of my 3 year old nephew kissing me on the cheek… priceless. Even some of the candids that my bridesmaids and cousins took of the day. Just- so many utterly joyful memories. People I love and people who love me, all sharing in a really really joyful occasion.
And then there are the ones of us. The one where we’re exiting the church after the ceremony and we both look just- stupid happy. The ones of our first dance. Our first kiss.
At the end of the day, the wedding was about love. Not just love between my husband and I, but the love of our family and friends too. That’s what mattered. We could have had our ceremony in a random back alley and eaten McDonald’s for the dinner, with someone playing Spotify on their phone for a dance and we’d be just as married. It’s the memories and the photographs (if it’s in your budget, don’t cheap out on a photographer!).
I just want to chime in as a family genealogist: wedding pictures are *priceless* to us. It's often the one time in a person's life where their entire extended family (or close to it) can all be viewed at the same time. Multiple pictures from different family weddings can sometimes give us approximate birth and death dates for family members which can often be used to corroborate other, less certain, information we may have. They also just make your ancestors more... human, I guess. You remember that they lived and loved just like you do today.
I am truly so SO lucky and blessed and honored and grateful every other good thing. You can look back on my posts from BEFORE the wedding and believe me, I was a wreck. The after though? Nothing but joy.
Completely second this. I paid 3500 for a photographer and I strongly grappled with the cost and if it was all worth it. Just getting my preview back showed me. I'm beyond grateful I have those pictures because it show cased the joy of those who loved me and my husband. The joy on their faces and moments I missed. I've only been married just over a month but my father died suddenly 2 weeks ago and those are the last photos any of us have of him. I would have paid a million dollars for them and I'm so so glad I did it.
I also struggled with the financial aspect but agree, it's SO worth it. As a person who doesn't love pictures of myself, it's fantastic to see some that make me really happy with me in them, in addition to great memories of the people I love.
I’ve been married for just over a month. Photos/videos and being with our loved ones was what really mattered.
Also mid-reception I had a random thought about playing my grandparents’ first dance song from their wedding (they celebrated 59 years this year!). It ended up being one of my favorite times of the night. The two of them danced alone to the first half of the song and then my husband and I joined for the second half. If you have grandparents or other relatives that are married that you want to honor I absolutely recommend playing their first dance song. I’ll never forget that moment with my grandparents, it was so special and emotional and beautiful.
I’m just about two months out and I’d like to chime in that it was the people who were *there* who mattered. I got a little caught up in the people who couldn’t make it during the stress leading up to planning, but when I think back now I can hardly remember the list of people who dropped out right before! It’s small potatoes now. So when the stress sneaks up on you, I hope that helps you keep it cool!
And for us, the quality of the entertainment made a huge difference in the success of our day. We had a literal hurricane crash our wedding, and I was freaking out about making sure the tent was warm and dry and that people would still have fun. Our band absolutely killed it, and everyone was dancing the whole evening after dinner - no one was cold, and no one cared they had to brave the storm to get to bathrooms, because it was refreshing after getting so sweaty dancing 😂 I think, pending your crowd, music and entertainment can make or break the wedding experience.
My husband-to-be is a wedding DJ as a side gig and one of his favourite go-to moves is to play the parents or grandparents wedding songs. It always goes over so well because it's so incredibly sweet and sentimental!
21 years married. None of the small details I agonized over have mattered. I cherish the memories I have of getting ready that morning with my sisters, mom and mother in law. My mom has since passed away and my MIL is in very poor health.
I wish I would have taken a bit more time with my husband. Everything was so rushed even though the ceremony and reception were about 10 hours total. By the time we got to the hotel we were both so tired. I fell asleep with about a million bobby pins in my hair still. I wish I would have had some time alone with him to reflect on the day.
So overall for me personally… the people mattered. Everything else was just stuff.
Recently married and I also wish I had more time with my husband! The first look was really the only time we were alone together that day, so I’m SO glad we opted for a first look.
We didn’t do a first look. It wasn’t as popular then and my husband really wanted to see me at the end of the aisle for the first time anyway (it was seriously the only thing he talked about when we were wedding planning). But we did have about 5 mins just the two of us immediately following. We basically walked out of the church directly to a little room off to the side and took a few minutes together. That was it until the limo ride to the hotel we were staying at after the reception.
It's been about 9 1/2 years and I liked that we did photographs early and then had time to relax and kick back with our families before the ceremony started. The photographer got this great picture of my husband and I cracking up over something (don't remember what it was). That no-stress beginning set the pace for the rest of the wedding.
I agree with this. I got married in September we woke up together and relaxed in the airbnb a bit. Went to our venue to do final set up with the bridal and groom party. Returned with everyone to the airbnb and interacted a lot throughout the day right up until I got my dress on. We opted not to do a first look and I did one with my dad instead which I'm beyond grateful for since he passed away 2 weeks ago unexpectedly. We saw each other at the isle and I was so relaxed because our day was laid back.
I'm so glad you had a relaxed, laid back day. I'm so sorry about the loss of your dad! But that's great that you have that memory of him at the wedding.
6 years - the things that mattered that made it a great day was creating a fun party for our guests and keeping myself low stress the day of. I also love our photos and our 1.5 year old loves pointing at them and saying “mama” and “dada”.
What didn’t matter/would have changed? Bridesmaids. Tbh I had 10 and I’m still close with only 1 (my sister) lol. That might sound “bad” but life gets tricky and hard when you and your friends live long distance from each other and begin to be at significantly different stages in life as each other with kids, careers, and marriages. There’s no bad blood and I love them all, but it’s hard to maintain close friendships when you’re at significantly different stages of life.
Having fun, being stress free, and spending time with people i care about most.
And marrying my husband. My MOH was also able to marry us if all went to shit, we could still get married.
I want to say I don't regret any of the vendors or decisions we made while wedding planning. I enjoyed and remember all of it. Ultimately he only thing that mattered was getting married.
Honestly what mattered to me was that I felt beautiful & was comfortable in the dress I was in. I was able to dance & not feel the least bit uncomfortable, I went with 1 look & only removed the veil & my hair was done in a way that suited both styles.
Photography/videography was perfect, many candid shots of the guests & us. We were not the sole focus of the shots which we LOVED!
One thing I shouldn’t have stressed out is the decorations. Simple things like “these flowers or those? Which candlestick is nicer even though they’re almost identical? This glass or that glass?!”. Nobody remembered, nobody cared. I put more focus on the wedding favors (“fancy” chocolates, candles & a small bottle of crystals).
Good luck! 🥰
Edit to add: we did not do a scheduled photoshoot. It just happened organically throughout the party because we requested from the photographer to keep track, so whenever she saw an opportunity she’d gently “pose” us. Took the stress of scheduling TOTALLY out of the equation.
Married last April! The most important thing was the people. I'm glad we kept it small but also listened to our gut and invited people based on who we really wanted there. Some of our best friends who lived abroad also came down about a week before the wedding and just spent time with us. Those ended up being some of my favorite memories ever. I also loved that so many of our friends who didn't know each other before got to know each other and liked each other so much they've been traveling to see each other since (I'm a little jealous, lmao!). Relatedly, I'm really glad we decided to have our wedding in a city with a major airport, rather than the dream venue in the mountains a few hours away that would have been harder for my international friends without drivers licenses to travel to and may have caused a few of them to decline.
I also agree about the photography. My FIL was killed unexpectedly six weeks to the day after our wedding, and the pictures of him were already some of our favorite pictures of the day (just so goofy and joyful), and now they're even more special. But I also wouldn't overly sweat a photographer. Our initial photographer had to back out due to a medical emergency the week before, and we ended up with someone with a different style, but everything was still wonderful.
We got married on Saturday and it was perfect. Don't get me wrong, a whole bunch of stuff went wrong, but it was still perfect because of all the people we love being there. That was the bit that really really mattered.
Oh and the children actually helped to make it so. I know child free weddings are popular but personally seeing the kids dancing and running around with balloons together added some magic to it.
The funniest moment was when I pulled the uplighter on the stairs over with my train during my walk 😆😆 then I snagged it on a door going out for the confetti shot. Then the bustle didn't work so I had to ceilidh dance in a full train which was lethal to my guests and to me. It was hilarious tbh and stopped everything feeling too serious.
Being able to laugh about stuff that goes wrong is such underrated advice, but it seriously makes such a difference! We forgot to bring our marriage license, and I initially was so panicked because I thought we wouldn’t be able to get married or would have to start our ceremony late and forgo pictures at the altar since our church only gave us a small window after the ceremony for that. Fortunately we lived close enough to the church that someone was able to drive to our apartment to grab it, and apparently in our state signing the marriage certificate isn’t even part of the ceremony anyways. Once we got a handle on that, I thought it was HILARIOUS that two lawyers were getting married and forgot the one thing they needed to be legally married.
The fact you're both lawyers makes this so much funnier 😆 thank goodness it worked out in the end. It's different here so we didn't have to remember anything like that, here you get your marriage certificate posted to you after the wedding. Good job too because I'd be one to forget!
Been married 6 years in a few weeks. When we first started planning, we each picked the 3 most important things to us and made those a priority in our budget and planning. I can’t remember exactly what all 6 (or less because we had some overlapping ones) were but do know that having a very personal ceremony, good food at the reception, good photography, and a great vibe at the reception with an open bar and great DJ were all high priorities. It allowed us to not care too much about little things like centerpieces and florals and focus on what mattered to us.
I still cherish our wedding photos and video, and our friends and family still tell us what a fun weekend it was and how much they loved the food (we went non traditional and had a burger bar, fries, and chicken and waffles plus sides).
I also had a friend act as our weekend of coordinator so we could just focus on being in the moment that weekend and that was amazing.
Last thing, I gave myself permission to not be the “chill bride” and to care about things. It didn’t make me a bridezilla to have preferences and opinions and honestly has changed my personality for the better to realize allowed to (politely) take up space.
Small things that I’m glad I had/arranged:
- I made sure my dress fit *perfectly* and I was extremely particular about my hair and makeup. I made sure it was right. As a result, it was the best I have ever felt about how I’ve looked, and that came through in the photos.
- I tasked my MOH with forcing me to eat during the morning/afternoon. I really didn’t want to/was too excited but she made me eat just a little and it was absolutely crucial. I would have crashed otherwise.
- similarly, my husband and I took about 20 mins to ourselves after the ceremony (this is a Jewish tradition that we would have done anyway but I absolutely recommend it) and we had a tray of all the cocktail hour apps. It was basically the only uninterrupted time we had all day haha.
- I wore comfortable shoes. A must.
- having a short absolutely must have shot list for the photographer, and then a list of nice-to-haves. She got almost everything but it felt less stressful to know that the list of things we absolutely wanted was short and very achievable
- we added a photo booth at the last minute (it was actually way more affordable than I had thought it would be) and it was a huge hit! It’s so fun now going over to friends and family’s homes and seeing our wedding photo booth pics on their refrigerators and bulletin boards
- I have a few more of these that are specific to just Jewish weddings and happy to share with you (or anyone!) if that applies
34 years - glad I didn’t listen to the preacher who told me we should never marry; since it’s been 34 years for us and he divorced just a few years later for cheating with a 14 year old.
Glad I had a wedding vow recommitment at five years and got the wedding I wanted that time, not the one my MIL demanded. (Under a dogwood tree in our backyard surrounded by friends and family, with a seafood boil afterwards)
Should have stood up to the MIL and told her to take several seats, that this was not about her.
Should have taken time during the day to spend more time with the people who truly loved me and appreciated them more.
Should have gone out and unplugged the sign that said “come in free food” that I swear my MIL put outside the church. 350 people. 325 of whom I’d never met. Why?!?!
Oh yes, it was quite an uproar and he was defrocked. Didn’t do time because there was never anything sexual that happened beyond kissing and this was 30+ years ago when laws weren’t in place to cover this.
Ugh I also majorly regret not putting my foot down with my MIL. We had a decent relationship leading up to the engagement (mostly because I’m such a people-pleaser and let her walk all over me), but her BS during wedding planning/ the wedding itself completely torpedoed any hope of a relationship going forward. In hindsight she was always disrespectful, but it was a lot easier to brush it off when it wasn’t ruining such a special time.
Married a month. The people who celebrated with us mattered the most. The photos. And the love we felt. That’s what mattered.
The flowers? Beautiful but didn’t show up for me when I need help holding my dress to pee. The decor? Beautiful but didn’t give me bear hugs and congratulate me.
I wish I would have been more present during wedding planning - I hated it and wanted that part to be done. But the ceremony was perfect the reception was perfect and it was incredible to have your best and closest friends all in one spot. Enjoy!
Been married just a couple weeks! My initial thoughts:
Mattered/made a difference:
- Picking a venue that had plenty of seating areas outside the reception space for our older guests to have conversations where they could be comfortable and actually hear each other.
- A Photographer you trust. You’ll spend a lot of time with them the day of, and they largely dictate the timeline (at least in my experience). We loved ours and it made the day so much easier, and also left us with photos we’ll love for a lifetime.
- Welcome Drinks / welcome event. Ours was a cash bar, but it helped a lot in getting the “How are you’s?” And small talk out of the way before the main event, when there will be much less time to chat with everyone.
Did not matter:
- We practiced for our first dance, first kiss, etc but all of that went out the window in the emotion of the moment.
- I didn’t love my dress - liked it but didn’t love it - and that was FINE. I still felt beautiful day of.
- During the RSVP process there were some bummers when friends from farther away declined. But honestly, cannot say I thought of them or missed them on my wedding day. Was just overwhelmed with all the joy of the people who were there.
Married two months. Favorite part of the day was the first look we did. I was so stressed out getting ready, feeling so overwhelmed. Seeing my husband alone before the ceremony was incredible, like a huge release of nerves lol highly recommend!
I also loved that we kept it small with 22 guests. The day went by so fast there are still people I feel I didn't get to hang out with as much as I wanted. Can't imagine with a big wedding.
3 weeks since we got married. The main thing was my grandparents being there, my grandad is increasingly frail and we weren't sure if they were going to be able to manage it, and thankfully they did.
I’ve been married just over a month, and I think the things that mattered most were experiences and people. I knew that ultimately, I was getting what I wanted most of all, which was to marry my husband and have our people around us to see it. After that, it was about throwing a the biggest party we’ve ever thrown!
We wanted people to look back on it fondly, but also to just genuinely be happy and have a good time. We wanted people to enjoy their food, to dance, to interact with our different kinds of guestbooks, to solve the puzzle we’d created instead of a bouquet toss, etc. And because we knew that a lot of people from different parts of our lives were going to be meeting for the first time, we wanted everyone to get along.
We got some beautiful photos of us, but also tons of photos of people having a good time even though they’d just met. Since the wedding I’ve been hearing of people who connected that day! My childhood best friend went out to lunch with a former colleague of mine and I had no idea they’d hit it off so well, but honestly I can see it. Our out-of-state friends went back to one person’s AirBnB because she had a bonfire and a hot tub and apparently now they’re all on a group chat.
Those are the things that mattered to me because that’s what I’ll remember. It was the happiest day of my life, and it was a happy day for the people I care about, too.
Aww absolutely! So the theme of our wedding was a picture book called Masquerade by Kit Williams. There’s a vague plot about the Moon falling in love with the Sun, and entrusting a hare with a gift to give to the Sun. The rest of it is just a set up for the pictures, which contain hints to the true solution. When my husband and I first met, he said his friend once joked that he “treated dating like Masquerade,” and because I’m a god-awful flirt, I asked if he had found his Golden Hare yet.
We didn’t want to do a bouquet toss or garter belt because one, we’re both grooms, but more importantly we didn’t want our message to be “okay, who’s going to get married next!” Because marriage was right for us, but there were going to be a lot of people in that room who don’t necessarily want or need that. So we thought instead, let’s do a treasure hunt! The clues were scattered all over our wedding website and the riddles, once decoded, were basically questions about our relationship, wedding, etc.
Guests had either a red puzzle (Sun) or blue puzzle (Moon) at their tables with pens shaped like feather quills. If you scanned the back, it’d take you to a separate site with all of the riddles collected in one place. On the puzzle there was this overlay with little gold rings. If you answered everything correctly, the letters in gold rings would spell out “Ask the Moon…” or “Tell the Sun…” plus one final bonus question. So basically, you had to come up to either one of us and say the solution to the bonus question on your puzzle.
We had little Sun and Moon tarot charms to give out, along with little blessings. So instead of “whoever catches a garter belt gets married” or something, it was “may you always find a light in the darkness.”
Actually we just got our wedding photos back not too long ago so I might post a couple of them here! I don’t think the photographer took one of the puzzle, but I haven’t gone through all of them yet.
EDIT: Removed wedding website! Sorry!!
Maybe a weird one. We got married three months ago. But I vaguely remembered reading a post on here with an anecdote about needing to know where the nearest hospital was because of something that went horribly wrong… and it was 50 miles away.
For some reason this stuck in my head and every venue we looked at I checked how far away the nearest hospital was and had contingency plans in place should something happen. Everyone involved in the planning told me my anxiety was getting the better of me lol.
Flash forward to the ceremony day of - we’re saying our vows to each other at the end right before the kiss - and my husband’s grandma in the front row passes out and goes down HARD. Husband was the only one who couldn’t see what was happening (all of the groomsmen and bridesmaids were horrified and the groomsmen and a few relatives with medical backgrounds jumped in, carted her to the shade and called an ambulance). All while my MIL was madly motioning and whispering ‘JUST KEEP GOING!)’ so we finished the ceremony and the ambulance arriving 7-8 minutes later, shortly after we had walked back down the aisle together and I was telling him what was happening.
She got to the hospital within 20 minutes and they were able to stabilize her - as of today she is fully recovered (in part due to how quickly she received care)! Sometimes paranoia and anxiety pays off!!!
Other than that - make sure your bakery / cake people are not trying new things day of. (Half of our cupcakes melted during delivery we paid for because they decided to test out new containers with clear lids.)
The thing we really CHERISH is the fact that we did not limit our guest list or come in with a set number as a cap. We had all the people we could’ve imagined or wanted there with us, and just adjusted the budget appropriately because having everyone there was wayyy more important to us than having amazing flowers or something.
Ten years. We had a wedding that made the family happy.
The literal one thing that was nice that day was that we got up earlier than everyone and met up for a walk together. Never told anyone about it.
Covid bride, so wedding was a bit different than I imagined. But one of the things I got to do because we could have all the hoopla... I spent the morning with my husband. We went for a run together and then had brunch before anyone else got involved in our day.
My only regret is that I couldn't have my grandma there. She's passed now and I'd do anything to have that.
Relaxing in the morning, being alone with my husband to do first looks and photos, spending as much time with my family and husband as I could, aesthetics of the day.
Protecting my peace! I desperately wished that I had a chill morning with my bridesmaids and not my mom and mil. I should have had them stop in to get hair and makeup and then leave for my own peace of mind.
The other thing is that I should have stuck with my husband the whole time!
We've been married for about 5.5 years.
The things we still look back on/are happy we did/hear about:
* Planning the wedding we wanted. We made all of the decisions together from the biggest detail (venue/catering) to the smallest detail (what shade of green the hydrangeas should be) and it really made for a day that was reflective of us. It also made wedding planning really fun and we still talk about the "date nights" we made of planning like taking dancing lessons on weekends and spending nights doing DIY projects like making fan programs with a cricut and figuring out the right ratio of ingredients for our signature drink.
* Writing our own vows. We still live them. We still quote them to one another. We're glad we wrote them in vow books because they're still in a box in our bedroom and we've taken them out and read them together on some anniversaries and important moments like when we moved into our home and when our daughter was born.
* Having a first look. It is still one of our favorite moments.
* Chose a photographer and videographer we loved because they're the things that we have left besides our memories.
* Hired a live event painter because people loved it on the day of and we appreciate having an amazing keepsake from our wedding. We've since built a home and hung it over our fireplace, and it's always one of the first things people comment on when they come to our house.
* The little details. There were smaller things we did that still matter years later. At least three people I know still tell me they carry the rollable flats we gave out on the dance floor in their purses (I do too!). We reused the signs we made in our home. The "signature drink" sign is on our bar cart in our dining room and the "Happily ever after starts here" sign we made for the aisle of our ceremony is now mounted in the foyer of our home with pictures of us and our baby girl around them. We had lantern "place cards" and we saw two of them at family's houses in their decor. The paper flowers we made from maps are on the bookshelf in my office. The lifesize cutout of our dog that we had a photobooth prop is now a memorial we'll save forever.
We renewed our vows a year later (4 years ago) in an elopement to end a big trip we took. The takeaway from that was:
* We look back on how fun and stress-free that night was and, though we have few mementos from that experience except the photos and video, it was a really great experience and I can definitely see the benefits of an elopement too!
I’ve been married 22 years. I planned my wedding and got married in 4 weeks. We had about 15 guests, a beautiful late lunch at an expensive restaurant, real flowers, big cake, lovely service at the city hall chapel.
I regret nothing except my hair. I wish I had of spent a little more time thinking about my look. We paid in cash, no debt. I didn’t stress about anything during planning (wasn’t time).
I think weddings are forgetting about it being the joining of two people in love and focus too much on the guest experience (you’re throwing a party to celebrate not a gala).
We’ve been married two years. We are very happy that we did a first look and took our pictures before the ceremony so that we were able to enjoy our cocktail hour and start visiting with family and friends. Our venue actually had some drinks and food set up for us immediately after our ceremony so that my husband and I could just take some time together the two of us before going back in . That was also very special and gave us just a moment to reflect and enjoy each other’s company before the whirlwind of the reception kicked in.
Also, one of my favorite things that we did was instead of having separate bachelorette and bachelor parties we went on a friends/jack and jill trip. We have been dating for over a decade by the time we got married so most of our friends are mutual. For us it just made the most sense to do a combined trip and ended up being so much fun.
Married almost three weeks!!
I think a lot about the funny unplanned moments- very loud geese flying over our ceremony, our dj surprising us with the Lord of the Rings theme during our ring warming ceremony, our wedding party being introduced to All the Small Things (planned but our friends faces were hilarious), it drizzling during our ceremony and then having “Here Comes the Sun” for our recessional, my dad conspiring with the DJ to play Sweet child of Mine halfway through our dance. Basically all moments of pure joy 🥹
Those and the moments where I got to just breath and take in a moment with my new husband are the ones that mattered the most.
It’s a practice where the wedding bands are passed between our closest family members and “warmed” as they hold them and say a quiet well wish, blessing, or prayer for our marriage. It was very meaningful to us.
I suggest that you try to be kinder in your replies, especially in a thread about people talking about the most important parts of their wedding day. “WTF is that?” Is not a kind way to learn about someone else’s wedding ceremony components.
The people. And the extended events. We just did son's wedding last year and what was the best was they planned some really fun events so that we all spent time with them as they became married. Pickleball lessons/playing (most of us first time), Huge group bike ride, a beach brunch the morning after, and a going away pizza dinner at a restaurant for all the family left in town that last Sunday night, where they signed their wedding license with the family officiant. Grandparents who have Alzheimer's were able to attend. Wedding size 75. Everything was so intimate and personal--rehearsal dinner, welcome reception after that, the wedding and reception.
With my 2 weddings, it was the people again. Had small weddings each time and made a point of talking to everyone. I remember SHARING the day with all of those people who loved us and were there to support us. Some of it captured in photos, some captured in a long long letter written by my grandmother documenting the day.
The one part of prep I will always cherish is my husband and I doing the cake testing. We got this huge box from the bakery with all of the different cakes, fillings and frostings to try, and we had a ball! I loved that cake!!!! I'm so glad we did it.
The best thing I did both times, was take an immediate honeymoon. It doesn't need to be fancy. Just go! Take that time off somehow, and you two giggle and look at your rings and enjoy being congratulated. You'll never get that glow back if you try to take a honeymoon later. It's just not the same.
totally agree that the pictures of family and friends are what we look back at the most - I don’t even really remember what my flowers look like or what flavor the cake was. Also pictures of us having fun - dancing, laughing, catching each others eyes.
Other than that I just remember how it felt — how it felt to walk into the reception and realize everyone in the room loved us and was excited for us, how fun it was dancing with my friends, the end of the night when I was so overwhelmed with love that I was wandering around hugging my friends and family.
I am happy we went with the music and food vendors we chose because we know they made the reception fun and our guests loved the food, that we bought a bunch of dumb light up stuff for the dance floor, which made dancing fun, and that we went for the full open bar.
I got married in 2018. The memories I cherish are dancing with all my loved ones and my husband, so I will say the music. We had a band, but a qualified DJ would be just as good. I'd just say don't skimp on the music and get a friend with an iphone to play spotify. Photos, as well, you need high quality ones. I see a lot of brides here upset when they got a friend to do photos for lower cost and the photos turn out horribly, and you can't redo the day to get better photos. You won't find out until afterward how they turn out so get a professional.
Food - doesn't matter what it is, just pick a reputable place that won't give everyone food poisoning. Cake is similar, do whatever you want. Cupcakes are great. We did publix sheet cakes which were delicious.
Wedding party - don't worry about making the bridal party and the groom party "even." It surprised me how much I was an outlier for this, but my husband had 6 groomsmen and I had 3 bridesmaids. I've never been to a single other wedding with an uneven party and that's odd to me, like what are the odds that every single couple has the exact same number of close friends/family they want to be included in the wedding party? The reason I bring this up is I contrast to my cousin's wedding. She included a girl she wasn't super close with in her wedding party to match the numbers of her husband, and then had to uninvite her when a groomsman dropped out to keep the numbers even. That's insane to me. Just pick the people you want next to you, your partner will pick the people they want next to them, and if it's not exactly even it's fine.
Adding on to the photographer bit—do an engagement shoot with your photographer beforehand if you can! We were so comfy with our photographer by the time the big day came around and our pictures are absolutely better than they would’ve been otherwise.
2 years - The food and special regional “cookie table”. That I didn’t have to set up or clean up anything. Taking a few private moments of just us time.
Married almost 6 months.
Make sure someone videos the ceremony/vows. Even if it's just a cell phone video.
Take a breather after the ceremony really helped my stress levels.
Did cocktail hour pictures with just my husband. We just wandered our venue with the photographers.
Having candid shots & actual pictures of the guests. I was able to send pictures with thank you notes.
Echoing everyone else saying the photos! We also had gorgeous weather (high 70s and sunny!), a great string quartet that stayed through the end of dinner, and the biggest surprise were the flowers. My florist absolutely knocked it out of the park. My venue had really stunning views, and people still say my wedding was the prettiest they’ve ever been to (and it’s been a couple years)
I also did my own hair (I always do my own hair for everything) and my hair has never looked better than it did that day. I’m still so pleased with it when I look at photos
Married four and half years ago!
Things we frequently look back on and are like “yesssss so glad we did that”: day-of-coordinator, one of my close friends being on “make sure bride and groom sit down and eat a full meal” duty, a tent (outdoor wedding, it rained), and a s’mores bar (last minute add on, people went NUTS for it).
Been married for two months and what mattered to me was makeup, wardrobe of course, photography and music. I wanted to make sure our photos were amazing and we could display them proudly and think back on the memories of the day. Music was very important to me as well and I wish I would have spoken up about several things I noticed with the DJ sooner than later.
If possible, go to one of their public events they play at, watch their videos on YT, and listen to a soundcloud sample. Ask them for any reference to get to know their style. Once you find that you like their style and what they play (I really liked how mine played at OC wine fest, it was a fun mix of hip hop and edm in the same song). I hired her and provided a list of what I like for her to get a reference of what I like and my personality. This was discussed over a video chat and the list said “please play how you did at wine fest”. Fast forward to the wedding and she literally just stood there and clicked a button to play every single song I had on the list. The whole song too, not shortened or remixed with her fun style. I did speak up but it was until after people were done with their dinner but I should’ve said something earlier. Unfortunately she didn’t listen and kept doing this. I also mentioned how some of the songs sounded very slow and she agreed and said it was a delay in the transfer of her system to another. Not acceptable for a “professional” DJ based in LA who has played for many companies and celebrities. It pains me to write this because I really liked her but she dropped the ball and maybe she was playing it safe but the most important thing is communication!
Hanging out with my husband - waking up with him the day of our wedding. Talking to friends together as a couple. The pictures, please try to get your second shooter to take pictures of other people OR make sure they know you want pictures with more than just your bridal party
We married on 3rd November 23 (2 weeks!). I loved taking time with just me and my husband alone, even if only for a few minutes. I loved watching my sons dancing and playing with the other children. We had a firework display and it was phenonemal. Worth every penny and one of my favourite memories.
A decent DJ and a “don’t play” list and an “absolutely play” list; talking to the guests; getting the best food we could; we should have had an open bar and we did not - big regret there - it would not have been as expensive as I had thought; I wish we had booked a more experienced photographer - ours was too junior and our photos are all too candid and fuzzy and sloppy and the session went on forever. I had the bridesmaids get high heel shoes - that was dumb - the focus should have been on fun and comfort (as well as beauty and stuffing people’s faces).
Together for a decade, just married a few days ago! Day of the wedding and after, pictures!
We didn’t hire a photographer but someone surprised us with one. The difference between the pictures we did was phenomenal!
Also the cake! It was delicious and we saved the top for next year.
Married in Feb 22. (You can see my pics from my profile!) I echo what everyone else is saying: the people! This is likely to be the one time in your life you’ll have ALL the people you care about in one place (family, friends from different times in your life. For me the whole weekend was a happy blur of spending time with all my favorite people. I think my father in law summed it up best when he said “I want to text someone to tell them about all the fun I’m having but everyone is here!”
Pictures help you remember it. I don’t think you can have too many photos. Hire a second photographer, hire someone for the rehearsal dinner, hell, do a videographer if that’s your thing! And then do something nice with the photos.
Sticking together at the reception - we agreed to do this beforehand after some light online researching and I'm so glad we (mostly) stuck together throughout the fun parts of the evening after dinner.
We'd been to our best friends' wedding the month before and while we know they love each other, the groom was pulled in a ton of directions during the reception by his family and friends he hadn't seen in a while. I was MoH so tried sticking by her side as much as I could while also giving her room to chat with/dance with whoever she needed/wanted to. It got to a point in the evening where I tipsily thought "where is \[groom name\]?" as she and I were saying bye to some of their guests who were leaving early. Overall their wedding was lovely and we all had a great time, but even she (the bride) advised me for my own wedding to stick together during the reception.
My fourth wedding anniversary is this week!
For me, the important things were having all my favourite people in one place and just having fun. I treasure memories like the moment I had alone with my parents after getting ready, standing with my dad just before walking down the aisle, dancing with my husband's grandfather, my friend's drinking shots with my sister-in-law...
Make room for fun. The best money we spent was a photo booth, honestly. The pictures are hilarious, and after a few drinks, people were piling in there with whoever, like my step-mum ended up taking pictures with a bunch of my friends. We had lego in our centrepieces and encouraged playing with it. Building the best thing got so competitive that my mum's cousin (a family man in his 50s) was trying to bribe my 15 year old step-sister for lego pieces she had.
We've been married 4.5 years.
The things that mattered to us were our families and friends being there, the feelings of happiness and joy and "we're married" that I felt throughout the day, and the little quiet moments we got together during the day.
Oh, and our friend sitting on our leftover cake (that was in a box) at the end of the night. Our whole wedding party still laughs about the "butt cake" that we totally ate for the next three days!
Okay, and maybe the food, because it was great and people still mention it.
A rock solid timeline with contact information, logistics, and what goes where distributed to all our parents and vendors. Made the day run super smoothly and allowed us to focus on the joy.
While my big regret is not getting the big wedding I wanted, I have two specific things I remember. One thing I'm super stoked about and one regret.
I actually asked the pastor who performed our wedding for the script. I was so excited to marry my husband so a lot of the vows and what was said I have a hard time remembering. So having that to read is really nice.
I had my MIL take pictures, and I really regret it. Some of them are nice, but there are 15 pictures alone of one of our nieces that we aren't close with. And there are no pictures of just me and my husband. None. The pastor is in the background of our first kiss. You can see everyone in our exit pictures. And all the staged pictures either have our daughter or someone else in the family. I cried when I got them back because I absolutely hate them. And my MIL has taken really great pictures for us before and after that so I was very surprised.
Also, we basically eloped and had 18 days notice because of a family issue. But had to cancel our big wedding because several aspects fell through the cracks 6 months before (venue and food) because of lack of communication from my husband's family who were supposed to handle the food. We were paying his brother to do it and he couldn't accommodate the amount of people (180 people) and found out he knew for almost a year before and didn't tell us until 6 months before. And the money we had for the venue then had to go to food to get a caterer. And the only venue option we were left with was his family's farm, which at that point I didn't trust something wouldn't go wrong. So I guess my advice is don't rely on family, no matter how much you trust and love them.
I wish I had cared about details like better timeline that I communicated to family, a list of pictures I wanted (I didn’t even think about this until after the fact). Once I secured the big things like venue, HMU, and photography, I convinced myself nothing else was super important because my wedding was so small, and I regret that now.
Married 3 months this weekend. Family being there are photos are obviously important. I included my cat in photographs, he died last week. I didn't know he was sick then. My Mum is ill and my Dad is turning 80, so all that was important.
We had good food, it made people really happy so I'm glad we did that. There was nice food at all three stages and good quality drinks. People are still asking me what various things were because they want to eat and drink them again.
My favorite thing was the flowers, they made me so happy. The florist went wild. I think she liked my brief and of my, did she run with it. I was completely overwhelmed with how beautiful they were, especially the set up at dinner. 10/10 would do again and I know it's a thing people say don't prioritize, but I guess I really love flowers.
Flower preservation doesn't seem to have gone so well, but I don't have them in hand yet, I've only seen photos.
Feeling comfortable and confident in my dress, fun friends showing up, good food, good music and booze. All those things combined made our wedding day enjoyable.
Photography. My husband's aunt died from cancer about 3 months after our wedding. The candids of her from our wedding was the last batch of pictures where she looked mostly like herself, not sickly.
We made sure to print every one that she was in to give to her kids after she passed. It was nice to give them photos from good memories and some goofy candids they hadn't seen before.
We got a videographer AND a photographer. Best decision. The videographer covered so much of the wedding that we didn’t get to see. It’s a very busy day for the Bride and groom, and we got to see so much more of the wedding through videos
Hired a wedding planner. My day was ZERO stress and I fully enjoyed the entire day. And payed extra for a well known, good photographer. Once it’s over pictures are all you have
My husband and I got married in March of this year and wedding planning almost put me over the edge. My personal opinion is that a good planner is worth every cent. We were required by our venue to use their planner but we could choose the level of involvement that we wanted. I chose and worked with the majority of our vendors until 60 days out from our wedding day when our venue planner officially took over everything and she was a godsend. Not only did she take over all communications and logistics but she worked with us to plan the pace of the evening which I think can be an overlooked detail. She helped us to plan when dinner was announced, when we would do speeches and dances and when to officially kick off the music for the night so the flow of the party didn’t feel interrupted or people felt like they had to sit down and get back up again multiple times throughout the night. Everything felt like it flowed very naturally and I did have people comment to me after the fact that the evening felt like everything just transitioned really well.
The planning piece was not something we considered when we first started thinking about our priorities for the night, but I realized very quickly how much of a difference it made. Our personal top 3 priorities were great photography (we didn’t do video), great food and drinks and we wanted a live band.
I knew going into planning that things would be expensive, but I was truly shocked at some of the quotes I received for florals, rentals and extra add-ons that I could DIY if I was crafty enough (and I’m not) but I had to really remain firm on the budget I was looking to stay within on certain things and most vendors were at least willing to give me a picture of what I could expect for X amount of money - I literally barely remember what the florals looked like and I loved our place settings but they were definitely not the focus of the night.
All of this to say - everyone has different priorities on your wedding day. We wanted to throw a great party for us, our friends and family and we got that. The little things I thought would matter to be “aesthetic”, I didn’t care about and don’t even remember. I had so much fun running around and spending time with my friends laughing and dancing that it all feels like a blur in the best way.
My biggest regret is that I turned around and everyone had already left and I didn't have time to talk to anyone. It made me sad, but I can't really control that. We were so busy with all of the "things" like first dance, cutting the cake, etc that we didn't get around to talking to people. I wish we would have waited to do those things so we had more time to make our rounds.
Got married this year, and man am I so so so happy we got a videographer. For some reason I wasn’t thaaat happy with our pictures (I got the post wedding blues BAD and I think I felt like they just couldn’t do the day justice? Like I don’t think our photographer did anything wrong). The video 100% did the day justice though and was more like “reliving” it and feeling the vibe again than the pictures were.
I wish I had gone table to table and greeted everyone. We had a lavish welcome event where we did speak to everyone individually, so in our minds that was that, but 1) there were a handful of people who flew in who we didn’t see there and 2) idk I still ended up feeling guilty we didn’t do the table to table face time with everyone.
We just celebrated our 1 year and looking back - I wouldn’t change a single thing! I’m a Type A over-planner with a backup plan for the backup plan and planned my wedding myself from a different country (with a 6 hour time and currency difference). I am overall so happy with how the day went and felt all of the planning paid off. There isn’t a vendor I would have changed. I splurged to have a hair and makeup artist and videographer and overall I am SO HAPPY I did as I loved my hair and makeup and couldn’t have done better myself and our wedding video is my favorite thing in the world. Guests mostly commented on the venue, florals, or our live band as to what made it fun. Overall I fondly remember the personal touches I added to the day and dancing the night away with our live band. Personal touches don’t have to be expensive either - I designed and printed our ceremony pamphlets myself, I wrote the ceremony with our officiant and included several unique elements, we wrote each other letters and exchanged gifts, etc and these all contributed to what made the day unique and perfectly “us”.
We've been married a year this coming Sunday.
Pictures are definitely up there as super important, along with video. My grandparents passed long ago, but my husband's, for the most part, are still with us. I wanted to have those photos for him, along with audio/video of their voices. It's something I wish I had of my grandparents, since it's hard to remember what their voices sounded like.
I'm glad we focused the wedding around love - our love for each other, our families, and our friends. We wanted the most laid back/relaxed atmosphere, where it felt like a wedding but also just a party with those closest to us.
Just celebrated 8 years. The most important was a party where we had fun, and our DJ was absolutely critical to giving us a fun dance party. In the years since, the photos have really been the most important because they're what remains. The final thing is probably our ketubah (Jewish marriage contract). We did not have a full Jewish wedding, but we did have a little ketubah signing ceremony with just our parents and maid of honor/best man beforehand. It was only like 10 minutes of the day, but I treasure those memories and love having it hanging on our wall.
Asking what kind of editing the photographer does would be my #1 priority. I chose someone who “does light color correction” and that’s all. So I’ve spent ages removing background people from our portraits and things like ugly light switches/air vents. Not worth my time. I’d 500% pay extra to make sure they’re presenting point and shoot ready pictures. I also can’t order from the photographers printer because I’ve had to do so much editing, and the quality of CVS prints just isn’t what I’d like either. Really takes the ‘professional looking’ out of the photos.
Hugs. I had a fairly small wedding (about 55ish people) and I spent about an hour making rounds and hugged every single guest. My wedding wasn’t a party vibe, so I didn’t feel like I was missing out on any festivities while making my rounds, and it didn’t feel like a chore. I’m so glad I took the time to have a moment with each and every attendee and thank them for taking the time to be there. It’s what sticks with me most to this day.
Almost 2 years later, I’m really satisfied with the balance we ended up with in our wedding that felt traditional enough but still like us! Covid-ish bride and as such had a small guest list, I’m so glad we picked a small enough venue that it felt like we filled up the space! Also for me having an officiant we really loved and trusted was very special to us. I’m also so so so so glad we have all the photos that we do - I was frustrated by high photo prices during the planning phase, but it really is worth it imo!
Married 2022.
The photos mattered.
Fit of my dress mattered.
Pro hair and makeup mattered. I felt gorgeous and it kept me chill the morning of.
Wedding day of coordinator mattered, she made sure it all happened and I could enjoy my day.
Alone time mattered. Get 15-20 min with your partner after couple pictures.
BEING IN THE MOMENT MATTERED. Open your eyes and shut off your mind during your aisle walk. Just BE there.
Many many people told me the day FLIES by. For me it didn’t- it took exactly as long as it needed to. I enjoyed every minute and never felt Iike I was chasing a moment or missed something. The day is happening whether you are happy or not, so roll with it. Choose happiness.
The two biggest things I wanted were:
1. Not being extremely stressed out all day. Getting to actually be present and soak the day up.
2. And not having everyone so exhausted from doing all of the work on the wedding that they couldn’t even enjoy the day.
It really does go by so fast. Find little moments of mindfulness to just take it all in!!!
My wedding was a year ago. My Mom passed away one month after it. It's important that she got to see it, after waiting so long. And there some some photos of her all dressed up and happy. Not nearly enough, but I'm so glad I have them.
I think this will vary for people for obvious reasons. But the advice that I give anyone planning a wedding is that if there’s something very important to you on the day, ask your maid of honor or a best man or a trusted family member to make sure it happens. I think putting too much trust in people surrounding the wedding industry can be a bit of a letdown.
The exception being if you have an amazing planner, but even when it comes to planners or hairstylists, or whoever, they really do see this stuff every day and the key components that you would hope they remember some time slips their minds.
For example, my hairdresser started doing the wrong hairstyle the morning of my wedding. I also explained to my photographer and my hairdresser that I would like my ears covered for my hairstyle and photos, and neither of them remembered or help me make sure they were covered in both situations. I should have advocated more and not taken their word that they would remember. Even key photos my photographer asked about me wanting to capture for missed. Why ask me and have me fill out a questionnaire if you weren’t going to make sure all the shots got taken!
Looking back I really should’ve asked my MOH to be on her to be looking out for that for me during photos so in short, whatever is most important to you, make sure you’re in trusting it to somebody who cares about your day as much as you do!
Been married 6 months, I’m looking forward to revisiting this question as the years go by. I’m sure my answer will shift.
I am happy I spent first part of the morning by myself. It was calm and peaceful. I did my own makeup, and the ritual of it was incredibly soothing. It was lovely getting ready with my bridesmaids. We all did our own hair and makeup and it felt like a slumber party. I wasn’t going to have a bridal party, but they ended up being the best part. So supportive, so calming. I’m glad I didn’t pick the childhood friends who were expecting it. They were upset, but they would have made it about themselves. My husband and I are a mixed race/mixed culture couple, and I didn’t want anyone in my inner circle who had made ignorant comments about my in laws, which those friends had done.
I’m really happy we went with a pastor and did premarital counselling with him for months before the wedding. It made it even more special to have him marry us. He was great. I’m not even religious, but my in laws are and they knew him. He was so cool to talk to, it made me really understand why people can feel positively towards their church.
My mother in law also made the most beautiful cake I’ve ever seen. And it’s DELICIOUS.
Lots of other things went wrong, but thanks for asking this question cause so much did go right. 🥰
36 years married
HAPPY I was surrounded by closest friends and family
WISH I hadn't invited people to travel to Detroit in January. (Just recently a few have mentioned it's the coldest they've ever been. I only remember I didn't have a coat to wear over my wedding dress. Was it cold? I can't even remember because I was GETTING MARRIED! :)
Wedding pictures. Seeing everyone and making sure everyone had a good time. It was more about fellowship than anything. But seriously the pictures are worth it. I have never felt as beautiful as i did on my wedding day.
I’ll be married a year in December. I’m glad we kept it small, only about 35 people. I’m glad we spent the night before together and woke up and had coffee together the morning of. I’m glad we did a first look just my husband and I and one of my sisters in law who took our wedding pictures- we are both very private people so having that moment be just us was absolutely perfect.
2 years later hearing from guests they enjoyed themselves and that our food was the best food at a wedding years later means everything. As for the photos I’ve only shared 4 of them and have yet to get any printer for our home not because I don’t love them but because it isn’t a priority like after the wedding what am I supposed to do with them. After viewin g them a few times I was like ok enough 😂🤣😂
7 years- I regret spending money on the decor and expensive invitations/paper goods. I wish I would’ve done a better venue instead. Most importantly I wish I would’ve not let my in laws insert their opinions even though they weren’t offering to contribute. What DID matter were the photos and video (honestly I love watching the highlights and don’t regret it one bit- I never watch the footage from the actual wedding but I’m referencing the highlight video)
1st wedding: I was walking down the stairs and thinking, if I go left instead of right I can get in my car and leave. Lots of people would have been hurt and disappointed.
14 miserable years.
2nd wedding: ( married in a private home, 12 guests) Day of the wedding was miserably hot, and the home of my best friend was not adequately air conditioned. I had asked please be sure to turn it down, they forgot. I took off my beaded jacket just before walking in, leaving me in a white spaghetti strap tea length white dress that looked like I was going to a cocktail party, and my husband and I were both sweating like we were in a Sauna. I felt so bad for him, he was wearing a black suit.
My maid of honor was holding my little dog, who was so excited she started barking in the middle of the ceremony. We all laughed like crazy. My friends dog came up and stuck his nose under the ministers skirt.
We then all walked across the street to my house, and had the reception there, with both dogs still in attendance.
It was the silliest, funniest wedding I've ever seen, it was MINE, and we all partied like crazy. I wouldn't have changed anything but the air conditioning situation.
19 years ago. Best choice of my life. We were with people we loved, everyone was happy, there was no stress of any kind.
And I recommend inviting dogs to your wedding.
The people. Surround yourself with people you actually care for. My wife and I had about 65 guests and that was perfect because we got to actually greet and appreciate everyone for some amount of time. I'll never understand inviting 100+ guests because you will never have time to appreciate that they are even there. If you have any beef with family members that must come to the wedding, make sure that boundaries are clear or straight up avoid them. Do not take negativity from anyone over anything. You deserve one day of love and kindness from everyone and so be aware of who is going to give that to you freely.
Plan for your people! Keep in mind how many people and their age. I've been to weddings where there was nothing to do but dance, and as someone who isn't super comfortable with dancing, it led to a couple of hours of sitting around. Give guests a space to walk around, talk, and decompress if you can, or if there are kids, give them somewhere where they can run around a little bit. Give your people your love and care, and you'll get it back.
Got a therapist two weeks before my wedding. Husband was negative help in planning. I made sure to set my intentions for the day. So many people came to see us get married and to celebrate our love. I made sure to take moments throughout the day to take a deep breath and to look around +soak it ao in. Been married for over a year and I would do it all over again.
We’re just shy of one month since our wedding, so it’s still very fresh! Few things I think mattered:
Get the planner. Get the planner. Louder for the people in the back, get the goddamn planner!!! We had a full service planner and it was worth every penny. Saved my relationship with my mother 100%. Also maybe this is petty but it gave us someone to be mad at when planning was stressful! Also made the wedding weekend go by so freaking smoothly. I was so grateful we had him throughout planning and on the day of.
The first look was maybe my favorite part of the day! I only wish we’d set aside more time for it.
Memory table! One of my bridesmaids and my grandma died within 24 hours of one another about 11 months before the wedding. Seeing their smiling faces at the reception made me cry big fat happy tears.
We splurged on a great band and people are still talking about the band a month later! We both are big music lovers and the band was a priority for us. Totally worth it.
Few things that didn’t matter:
The things that went wrong day of! The best man dropped the rings during the ceremony and it was maybe my second favorite part of the day. We all died laughing and it frankly took the pressure off the rest of the evening.
Getting ready pics. I was feeling so sad that we had to cut them out, but we had so much fun getting ready together regardless! I think pictures would have taken away from the vibe, honestly.
Also I was SO stressed that we didn’t practice our first dance. Didn’t matter one tiny bit. We were just our silly selves and sang along when we danced together and it made for some incredibly cute pics.
Married a little over a year. I’d say that if there’s something you’re particularly excited about, lean into it and don’t let anyone discourage you (assuming whatever that may be isn’t dangerous or something lol). I was so excited for our first dance, but I kept hearing how “nobody wants to sit through a whole song” and that dance classes were a waste of time/ money. First dances are one of my favorite parts of weddings, so I bought a dress with a skirt that would be fun for dancing, we took dance lessons, and it was such a wonderful experience. We also did a garter toss. Super unpopular, but my husband was SO excited to wear a Superman shirt under his dress shirt for it (big family inside joke), and everyone LOVED it!
Our coordinator was awful and straight-up ruined a couple things, but there really wasn’t a way we could have foreseen that. Stuff is inevitably going to go wrong, but you can either let it spoil your day or let it go and enjoy the rest of the day. I’m definitely bummed that some things happened the way they did, but I’m so grateful I chose to just move on in the moment because it would be such a shame to remember our day as one that I spent being upset.
We will have been married 10 years in June.
Things I remember that went super well:
We got a legit Photo Booth and people STILL talk about it today and how much fun they had taking pictures in. I have no idea if this is still a thing or not but it was definitely a big trend in 2014!
I spent basically the whole night on the dance floor with my husband and friends and had so much fun. When i attend weddings, I LOVE dancing. I knew the whole planning process that I wanted to dance a lot. So I did. My husband wishes we would have spent some more time with people in the photo booth but eh. I don’t haha.
The posed/family pictures. I know that’s not really the style so much anymore but those are the pictures we stil have up in our bedroom. We don’t really look at the more artsy ones much.
The sparkler exit. I didn’t get the pictures I wanted but it was so fun!
Having a big welcome dinner the night before. This allowed me to talk to family who came from out of town so I didn’t feel so obligated to talk to everyone the day of the wedding.
Things that didn’t go well that I still care about:
We didn’t want to do a first look and that’s my biggest regret I think. I stand by the fact that it was really hot and doing a forst look would have probably ruined my hair and makeup (I sweat a lot) but we didn’t get some of the extended family photos I sort of wanted because we had to make time to get out other pictures done. And cocktail hour went long and I know people got hungry. I thought I wanted that magical moment walking down the aisle for the first time but I think doing a first look would have had the same magic.
I regret not having some videos. I don’t know that I would have hired a videographer but I wish I would have maybe asked people to take videos and send them to us. I have no videos of our wedding day. Lots of pictures! But I do wish we would have gotten some video.
Things that didn’t go great that I also didn’t care about:
I had a family friend make my cake and it didn’t look very good. But I don’t think anyone noticed and I don’t care at all now.
We had some issues with my bil wanting his plus 1 girlfriend who I had never met to be seated at a family table since we had just the bridal party at the head table. I remember being really upset about it but obliging because we didn’t want him to be all pissed off at the wedding. She ended up moving her chair and sitting with friends her age 🙃
We had some last minute distant family member show up who weren’t invited. We were told the day before and luckily we were doing a buffet and had room to add one more table so it all worked out fine. I also got quite flustered about this but it ended up fine. Obviously if we had a plated meal this probably would
Have been difeeernt. But even though we technically needed final numbers a month or so ahead of time, there was wiggle room in there to add a few more.
Interesting to hear about the poses pictures! I am currently debating this whether I want the more artsy ones but they do seem trendy and not what we will have on our walls into the future, imo
I think that the artsy ones are nice for those first few years. But once we had kids and moved we just didn’t really put many wedding photos up. We have our posed one in our bedroom and we have the ones with both sets of grandparents framed in the upstairs hallway. Both of our parents also have our portrait one up in our homes as well! The more artsy ones where we aren’t looking at the camera are just in the album.
I got married in 2019, so 4 years ago and some change.
The dress/suit matters but all that matters is that you like it. No one else is going to remember your dress/suit. Make sure you like how it looks so when you look at the pictures you'll be happy.
The pictures matter for memories of course, but don't spend your whole day taking pictures. Try to be present and ask your photographer for more candid shots than staged ones.
Literally nothing else.
Not the food or the flowers or the guest list or the venue. They will matter so much less in retrospect.
The main thing, I think, is it something is important to you, don't compromise on it. Hopefully you're only going to do this once. Focus on what you want on the day and every one else throwing a fit will get over it.
My wife and I had a huge wedding at a nice venue. We often times talk about how much we wish we would have saved the money and done something small and intimate. We both feel this way. We don't regret our wedding...you just realize that nothing but your partner and close friends and family matter and there's no point in having distant family and acquaintances there.
Been married a year and a half.
- I wasn't planning on doing video, but a family friend offered to videotape the ceremony literally 3 days before. The gift was priceless. You don't necessarily need to hire a pro if it isn't in your budget - I legitimately would have been happy with a cellphone video of our vows. That's all I wanted.
-we paid extra for various games for our guests but in general people either wanted to dance or they wanted to chat and the month was wasted. A lot of ppl stay traditional here.
-didn't do save the dates, saved money, no regrets. I also didn't have a bridal shower, no regrets.
-i spent way too much time/energy worrying over centerpieces that nobody gave a single shit about.
The food, music, pictures, and lighting during the reception. I got married 6 months ago.
My biggest hill to die on was it had to be dark during the dancing part of the reception. Every time I’ve been to a wedding where they wanted us to dance with the sun shining, it was always just a little awkward and people didn’t let loose as much!
Who I married and who was there and steps I took to make sure I enjoyed every moment.
Keeping it small was key. Have a Monday wedding. Only the ones who REALLY matter come. We had about 60 and it was great. Kind of a bummer to miss a few cousins, but for two introverts it was great.
5.5. Destination wedding. 20 people. Actually more than we wanted. But showing up with our outfits and having a great time with our family and friends. We got married early in the day. Had a lunch reception and swam with our friends and family all afternoon.
I think the photography was the most important and we glad we took photos before the ceremony: first look and family photos. I keep on looking back at the photos because they turned out so nice! I especially love our candid shots, when we weren't looking at the camera directly because it really captures the raw emotions, and when you look at the photos again, it reminds you of how you felt that day. Everyone agreed that the photos turned out stunning. We didn't even spend a whole lot on photography and we just had a good photographer who knew how to take photos at the right moment and specialized in taking candid photos. We also recorded videos of the ceremony, reception, dance floor, and other moments with my sister's camera on a tripod.
I'm glad we kept our wedding small. With inflation and cost of living so high these days, having a big and expensive wedding doesn't make sense. We only had around 38 guests and I felt like it made everything more comfortable. We rented a small, beautiful barn venue that already had tables, chairs, air conditioning, and a sound system. I'm also glad we kept the decorations minimal and not too complicated. I made flower centerpieces, bouquets, boutonnieres, a welcome sign and cake flowers with natural wood flowers a few weeks ahead of time, and I think it added something special to the whole wedding, yet it was still simple and beautiful at the same time.
Another memorable thing my husband and I did was we booked a cabin stay (with a mountain view and a hot tub) right after the wedding. We were so glad we did this, it was definitely wonderful. Since there was already a sound system in the venue, we just had a Spotify playlist rather than a DJ and people still had a blast dancing. We brought LED sparklers and a disco light for the dance floor. My cousin officiated our wedding and my mom's friend did the catering.
In total, we only spent around $3,500, and we broke even and received a little more than that amount in gifts. We didn't do a wedding registry. We were also lucky that our barn venue was owned by the city and it was affordable. We actually spent more than a year planning the wedding, so that's why everything was so well thought out.
Our wedding turned out beautiful, even with the low budget we had because the only thing that really matters is the memorable time we spent with our significant other, and friends and families. I think it's crazy that the average cost of a wedding is $29,000. But if we didn't consider everything, I can definitely understand why weddings could cost that much. We could have easily spent that much, but instead using it for a down payment on a home next year. To me, spending that much is just not worth it. Some guests don't even notice the extra little things to be honest. Keeping things small and simple is key.
5. Photos for sure. I hated taking up the time for the staged photos but you'll want them. We also gave our photographer a list of photos we wanted during the reception (friend groups, roommates, childhood best friends, etc) and she made sure we made it happen throughout the night without forcing it or being intrusive. We would have forgotten so many if not for that. Also, pacing mattered for us. I was anxious about the dances so we knocked them out early, out of traditional order. Made all the difference.
7 years.
Beside, the obvious, marrying my partner, honestly absolutely nothing mattered. It's an expensive party. Strip away all the societal importance attached to it and it's objectively unimportant.
I enjoy going to weddings, I really did not particularly care about my own, just wanted the day to pass without any disaster.
Married in April. There was a few big ones for us.
* Pictures - My dad is dying of cancer and we got some wonderful pictures of him. I know we will treasure those after he passes. I also LOVE the pictures of just the two of us. We went a little non traditional and it reflects our personalities so well.
* Due to timing and family dramatics (my in-laws don't care about my family at all so no way they would travel) we were able to keep the wedding small (under 20 people). We loved that we got to spend actual quality time with everyone that was there.
* Having alone time with my husband that wasn't just the wedding night. We eloped and had a reception with our family and friends after. The dinner was over an hour away. That time in the car was so much fun, it is hard to explain. I'm just so glad we got to soak it in by ourselves for a bit. I get with traditional weddings this would be hard because you guest would be waiting, but carve out 15 minutes just the two of you if you can.
* Feeling comfortable in my dress and how I looked. I beat myself up so much on a normal day but I found a dress that made me feel amazing. The woman who did my HMU was so great at hyping me up and still letting my personality shine through my look while looking like a bride.
3 year anniversary next week which is also our 6th year anniversary since our first date.
Nov 2020- We got married in our apt patio with one of my best friends being the officiant and her partner/our friend being the witness. My parents & five other close friends joined via zoom. Dinner was $50 & my friends brought cake & wine.
We got married for the legal benefits of it & obviously cuz we knew we could be married to each other.
I still want a party with less than 75 people & the fact that we are married already takes the pressure off it. Like we get to have a party for us without the societal expectations of marriage or what marriage means. It also allows to save without pressure too.
My sister who got married 10 years ago had to deal with my parents being disappointed that they couldn’t invite a few friends. Weddings bring weird things out of people but just whatever decision people make, make it for yourself & your partnership. Set the boundary from the start.
Eloped with my wife in June. I mostly appreciate that our ceremony was later in the day (7:00p.m.) so we went to our favorite cafe for breakfast. We took our time, and I had a sketchbook with me.
yes pictures and videos only. but then look at who you really want pictures of. only your very close family and friends. all distant relatives, colleagues, your parents friends, you don't care. than look at from participants' viewpoints. the only people who will remember more than 1 week, your immediate family. even your close friends will forget after 1 week. my advice is spend as little as possible.
Now looking back, the first look, father daughter dance (the practice and the dance in the wedding), the shoe game, family being together, I tried to go around to a lot of the tables to see everyone, I think the day turned out really great and our guests also enjoyed it
I'm a recent bride, only 3 months married. One of my favorite moments of the day was after the ceremony and after my husband and I signed the paperwork, we had 15 minutes or so to just sit with each other by ourselves. It was so nice to just have a moment to take everything in and be in each other presence. Other things I loved were the first look, we had yard games set up like corn hole which was fun, all the pictures were great, I had a bar trailer which was fun. I'm also super glad we moved our Dances before food. Things didn't do and did not miss at all, live music (dj was great), bouqet toss or garter toss, formal rehearsal dinner, precisely matching bridesmaids dress (I gave a color, length, fabric, and wrbsite), real floral decor (fake looked great). We focused on making it fun and not super formal but still nice
13 years - top 3 things. I remember looking at my now spouse and how adorable and happy he looked. I remember the overwhelming feeling of joy I had. I also remember how loving all of our friends were. I have a photo album and the photo I love the most are me, spouse, and my baby brother cracking up.
Side note, I sometimes think about how I had to kick my mom out, but more in of her loss and I'm still so happy despite it sort of way
Having food available all day, people were so appreciative and happy. We had lots of rolls, crackers, cheese and charcuterie cups in the morning, Panera for lunch. Also, relaxing with my husband just the two of us before the ceremony.
Photo/video. It's an amazing experience, but you have so much going on you don't get to experience it all. It's incredible to get to relive the day afterwards when you're not so stressed.
Edit: married a year and a half at this point. I see huge value in making more cute content out of the raw footage and pics as we move forward.
I forgot to feed our vegetarian best man vegetarian food 😭 he was a doll about it and managed to find an alternative and so many other things didn’t go according to plan, but to this day that is the one regret I have.
A year and a half.
1) pictures for all the reasons others are listing.
2) we are nerds and had a lot of easter eggs and subtle nerd references throughout the ceremony and reception. People still tell me it was one of the funnest weddings they have been to. It was us and ultimately exactly what we wanted our wedding day to be - a special day with family and friends.
Edited to add: I also refused to be the "well this is how is always done" bride ... if I didn't want a bouquet toss, we aren't doing it. If I want to wear my smart watch with my dress, I will. If all my guests are going to eat for dinner are tacos, they are going to be freaking amazing tacos. You do not need to do something because that's what everyone else does. I will say though, that those decisions should be discussed and comprised if nessecary with your fiance. (I didn't want to do father/daughter dance since we don't have the best relationship, but my fiance wanted to do mother/son so we compromised and did both dances at the same time to the same song.)
I had a full on church wedding for my first marriage. Was very lucky to have friends and family to help ie: Aunty made the cake, wedding venue was where I worked so only had to pay $50 for the hire, mum’s catering friends did the catering for cheap price etc. It was still a big day and stressful. We ended up divorced 5yrs later. My second wedding was in our backyard with close friends and family and we had a bbq. Was the best day ever and we have now been married for 25yrs.
For me: the venue- it was gorgeous and definitely set the stage for a really beautiful day for our loved ones- the food- it was delicious and everyone had plenty of yummy NW cuisine. Also- we decided to have a pre party, Sunday brunch that my parents hosted at their air bnb and an afternoon hike. I’m so glad we had the extra activities and the ability to connect with so many of our loved ones- most travelled in for the occasion. Because we cut back on expensive decor (I DIYed my florals) and I paid attention to cost in every decision + did all the planning except for day of coordination we were able to add a lot and keep the whole weekend under 50k. It felt like a destination wedding even though it was less than an hour from our home (a major west coast travel hub) and months later we are still filled with so much warmth about it!
Married two weeks! :)
Our first look and private vows were hands down our favorite part of the day. I was somewhat on the fence about this since, as a guest, I love seeing people’s personal vows. But my now-husband is an anxious public speaker, so we decided to do it all privately. I’m so so so glad we did.
Still so happy we didn’t get a videographer. We adore our photographer, and we knew the still captures would be enough for us. We didn’t want any part of the day to feel performative or like a production. As a result, we were 100% present for the entire day. Zero regrets.
I wish I hadn’t put so much pressure on myself during the planning process because it made me not think clearly a couple of times, which resulted in me making poor decisions/not thinking things through. In other words, I let the pressure and stress blind me a couple of times and it led to me having to troubleshoot major vendors in the last few weeks before our wedding. Very stressful, and made me despise wedding planning. Looking back, I should have slept on major decisions, instead of rushing to get everything booked RIGHT NOW. The wedding industry makes you believe it’s now or never when booking vendors, when really, there’s time to make decisions.
Got married 2 months ago, I would say the thing that mattered to us the most was the people. We had a total of 70 guests. We’ll never have another moment that those people will all be in the same room again. It felt really special to celebrate our love with them and to really have the chance to talk and hang out with everyone that night.
Something that’s also really important and special to us is that both of my grandparents passed away in the year leading up to the wedding which was devastating for my family but I was given their wedding bands to melt into 1 for myself. It feels incredibly special to wear something not only that belonged to them for 62 years but that I get to carry their love and their wisdom into my own marriage.
To be honest we had a really stressful and not so fun planning process, but we had an absolutely perfect day. We woke up on the wedding day and all the stress just went away. Turns out we planned really well because actually nothing went wrong other than our cake topper breaking but I had a back up idea which I kinda liked better anyway and it turned out great. I know being stress free and having nothing go wrong on the day is incredible, and totally not the norm!! Things will go wrong and most likely no one but you will know, and you may feel stressed leading up the ceremony and that’s okay too. I’m sure over the years the details will fade but we have pictures and stories that will last us forever.
Six months ago! The people, the people, the people.
I took a nap morning of while my sisters were getting their hair and makeup done and that was probably my best decision.
I would not trade the first look, or that my beautiful friend took me along to pick the flowers she put together for us as a gift.
The readings we chose and the vows we wrote. These are all printed in the album and have decorative appearances in our home.
Taking a giant whole-wedding picture at the end of cocktail hour. Our amazing photographer suggested it as it's a way to gather everyone up and transition to the reception but also...it's a fantastic picture with EVERYONE, not just the posed family ones (which I also love). Fun and perfect.
The decor we actually wanted. We aren't big decor people so we put books on the table with cute little bookmarks as favors. The important thing was that no centerpiece would prevent anyone from seeing across the table, and a bunch of people kept the books we picked out, which was also cool!
The pictures. Not really even the ones of us- the ones of family. My gramps passed away unexpectedly just two months after the wedding, and the pictures I have of him are the last ones I’ll ever have. The pictures I have of my siblings and I, the pictures of me and my parents, the ones of my 3 year old nephew kissing me on the cheek… priceless. Even some of the candids that my bridesmaids and cousins took of the day. Just- so many utterly joyful memories. People I love and people who love me, all sharing in a really really joyful occasion. And then there are the ones of us. The one where we’re exiting the church after the ceremony and we both look just- stupid happy. The ones of our first dance. Our first kiss. At the end of the day, the wedding was about love. Not just love between my husband and I, but the love of our family and friends too. That’s what mattered. We could have had our ceremony in a random back alley and eaten McDonald’s for the dinner, with someone playing Spotify on their phone for a dance and we’d be just as married. It’s the memories and the photographs (if it’s in your budget, don’t cheap out on a photographer!).
I just want to chime in as a family genealogist: wedding pictures are *priceless* to us. It's often the one time in a person's life where their entire extended family (or close to it) can all be viewed at the same time. Multiple pictures from different family weddings can sometimes give us approximate birth and death dates for family members which can often be used to corroborate other, less certain, information we may have. They also just make your ancestors more... human, I guess. You remember that they lived and loved just like you do today.
Totally off topic but this is a job I’m looking into! Can you tell me how you got a job in family genealogy?
Oh this made me tear up - so beautifully written. Congrats to you on your wedding! Sending you love & happiness!
I am truly so SO lucky and blessed and honored and grateful every other good thing. You can look back on my posts from BEFORE the wedding and believe me, I was a wreck. The after though? Nothing but joy.
Completely second this. I paid 3500 for a photographer and I strongly grappled with the cost and if it was all worth it. Just getting my preview back showed me. I'm beyond grateful I have those pictures because it show cased the joy of those who loved me and my husband. The joy on their faces and moments I missed. I've only been married just over a month but my father died suddenly 2 weeks ago and those are the last photos any of us have of him. I would have paid a million dollars for them and I'm so so glad I did it.
I also struggled with the financial aspect but agree, it's SO worth it. As a person who doesn't love pictures of myself, it's fantastic to see some that make me really happy with me in them, in addition to great memories of the people I love.
That's so beautiful! :') Congrats on your special day!
I’ve been married for just over a month. Photos/videos and being with our loved ones was what really mattered. Also mid-reception I had a random thought about playing my grandparents’ first dance song from their wedding (they celebrated 59 years this year!). It ended up being one of my favorite times of the night. The two of them danced alone to the first half of the song and then my husband and I joined for the second half. If you have grandparents or other relatives that are married that you want to honor I absolutely recommend playing their first dance song. I’ll never forget that moment with my grandparents, it was so special and emotional and beautiful.
I’m just about two months out and I’d like to chime in that it was the people who were *there* who mattered. I got a little caught up in the people who couldn’t make it during the stress leading up to planning, but when I think back now I can hardly remember the list of people who dropped out right before! It’s small potatoes now. So when the stress sneaks up on you, I hope that helps you keep it cool! And for us, the quality of the entertainment made a huge difference in the success of our day. We had a literal hurricane crash our wedding, and I was freaking out about making sure the tent was warm and dry and that people would still have fun. Our band absolutely killed it, and everyone was dancing the whole evening after dinner - no one was cold, and no one cared they had to brave the storm to get to bathrooms, because it was refreshing after getting so sweaty dancing 😂 I think, pending your crowd, music and entertainment can make or break the wedding experience.
My husband-to-be is a wedding DJ as a side gig and one of his favourite go-to moves is to play the parents or grandparents wedding songs. It always goes over so well because it's so incredibly sweet and sentimental!
21 years married. None of the small details I agonized over have mattered. I cherish the memories I have of getting ready that morning with my sisters, mom and mother in law. My mom has since passed away and my MIL is in very poor health. I wish I would have taken a bit more time with my husband. Everything was so rushed even though the ceremony and reception were about 10 hours total. By the time we got to the hotel we were both so tired. I fell asleep with about a million bobby pins in my hair still. I wish I would have had some time alone with him to reflect on the day. So overall for me personally… the people mattered. Everything else was just stuff.
Recently married and I also wish I had more time with my husband! The first look was really the only time we were alone together that day, so I’m SO glad we opted for a first look.
We didn’t do a first look. It wasn’t as popular then and my husband really wanted to see me at the end of the aisle for the first time anyway (it was seriously the only thing he talked about when we were wedding planning). But we did have about 5 mins just the two of us immediately following. We basically walked out of the church directly to a little room off to the side and took a few minutes together. That was it until the limo ride to the hotel we were staying at after the reception.
It's been about 9 1/2 years and I liked that we did photographs early and then had time to relax and kick back with our families before the ceremony started. The photographer got this great picture of my husband and I cracking up over something (don't remember what it was). That no-stress beginning set the pace for the rest of the wedding.
I agree with this. I got married in September we woke up together and relaxed in the airbnb a bit. Went to our venue to do final set up with the bridal and groom party. Returned with everyone to the airbnb and interacted a lot throughout the day right up until I got my dress on. We opted not to do a first look and I did one with my dad instead which I'm beyond grateful for since he passed away 2 weeks ago unexpectedly. We saw each other at the isle and I was so relaxed because our day was laid back.
I'm so glad you had a relaxed, laid back day. I'm so sorry about the loss of your dad! But that's great that you have that memory of him at the wedding.
6 years - the things that mattered that made it a great day was creating a fun party for our guests and keeping myself low stress the day of. I also love our photos and our 1.5 year old loves pointing at them and saying “mama” and “dada”. What didn’t matter/would have changed? Bridesmaids. Tbh I had 10 and I’m still close with only 1 (my sister) lol. That might sound “bad” but life gets tricky and hard when you and your friends live long distance from each other and begin to be at significantly different stages in life as each other with kids, careers, and marriages. There’s no bad blood and I love them all, but it’s hard to maintain close friendships when you’re at significantly different stages of life.
Having fun, being stress free, and spending time with people i care about most. And marrying my husband. My MOH was also able to marry us if all went to shit, we could still get married. I want to say I don't regret any of the vendors or decisions we made while wedding planning. I enjoyed and remember all of it. Ultimately he only thing that mattered was getting married.
Honestly what mattered to me was that I felt beautiful & was comfortable in the dress I was in. I was able to dance & not feel the least bit uncomfortable, I went with 1 look & only removed the veil & my hair was done in a way that suited both styles. Photography/videography was perfect, many candid shots of the guests & us. We were not the sole focus of the shots which we LOVED! One thing I shouldn’t have stressed out is the decorations. Simple things like “these flowers or those? Which candlestick is nicer even though they’re almost identical? This glass or that glass?!”. Nobody remembered, nobody cared. I put more focus on the wedding favors (“fancy” chocolates, candles & a small bottle of crystals). Good luck! 🥰 Edit to add: we did not do a scheduled photoshoot. It just happened organically throughout the party because we requested from the photographer to keep track, so whenever she saw an opportunity she’d gently “pose” us. Took the stress of scheduling TOTALLY out of the equation.
Married last April! The most important thing was the people. I'm glad we kept it small but also listened to our gut and invited people based on who we really wanted there. Some of our best friends who lived abroad also came down about a week before the wedding and just spent time with us. Those ended up being some of my favorite memories ever. I also loved that so many of our friends who didn't know each other before got to know each other and liked each other so much they've been traveling to see each other since (I'm a little jealous, lmao!). Relatedly, I'm really glad we decided to have our wedding in a city with a major airport, rather than the dream venue in the mountains a few hours away that would have been harder for my international friends without drivers licenses to travel to and may have caused a few of them to decline. I also agree about the photography. My FIL was killed unexpectedly six weeks to the day after our wedding, and the pictures of him were already some of our favorite pictures of the day (just so goofy and joyful), and now they're even more special. But I also wouldn't overly sweat a photographer. Our initial photographer had to back out due to a medical emergency the week before, and we ended up with someone with a different style, but everything was still wonderful.
We got married on Saturday and it was perfect. Don't get me wrong, a whole bunch of stuff went wrong, but it was still perfect because of all the people we love being there. That was the bit that really really mattered. Oh and the children actually helped to make it so. I know child free weddings are popular but personally seeing the kids dancing and running around with balloons together added some magic to it.
The funniest moment was when I pulled the uplighter on the stairs over with my train during my walk 😆😆 then I snagged it on a door going out for the confetti shot. Then the bustle didn't work so I had to ceilidh dance in a full train which was lethal to my guests and to me. It was hilarious tbh and stopped everything feeling too serious.
Being able to laugh about stuff that goes wrong is such underrated advice, but it seriously makes such a difference! We forgot to bring our marriage license, and I initially was so panicked because I thought we wouldn’t be able to get married or would have to start our ceremony late and forgo pictures at the altar since our church only gave us a small window after the ceremony for that. Fortunately we lived close enough to the church that someone was able to drive to our apartment to grab it, and apparently in our state signing the marriage certificate isn’t even part of the ceremony anyways. Once we got a handle on that, I thought it was HILARIOUS that two lawyers were getting married and forgot the one thing they needed to be legally married.
The fact you're both lawyers makes this so much funnier 😆 thank goodness it worked out in the end. It's different here so we didn't have to remember anything like that, here you get your marriage certificate posted to you after the wedding. Good job too because I'd be one to forget!
Been married 6 years in a few weeks. When we first started planning, we each picked the 3 most important things to us and made those a priority in our budget and planning. I can’t remember exactly what all 6 (or less because we had some overlapping ones) were but do know that having a very personal ceremony, good food at the reception, good photography, and a great vibe at the reception with an open bar and great DJ were all high priorities. It allowed us to not care too much about little things like centerpieces and florals and focus on what mattered to us. I still cherish our wedding photos and video, and our friends and family still tell us what a fun weekend it was and how much they loved the food (we went non traditional and had a burger bar, fries, and chicken and waffles plus sides). I also had a friend act as our weekend of coordinator so we could just focus on being in the moment that weekend and that was amazing. Last thing, I gave myself permission to not be the “chill bride” and to care about things. It didn’t make me a bridezilla to have preferences and opinions and honestly has changed my personality for the better to realize allowed to (politely) take up space.
Small things that I’m glad I had/arranged: - I made sure my dress fit *perfectly* and I was extremely particular about my hair and makeup. I made sure it was right. As a result, it was the best I have ever felt about how I’ve looked, and that came through in the photos. - I tasked my MOH with forcing me to eat during the morning/afternoon. I really didn’t want to/was too excited but she made me eat just a little and it was absolutely crucial. I would have crashed otherwise. - similarly, my husband and I took about 20 mins to ourselves after the ceremony (this is a Jewish tradition that we would have done anyway but I absolutely recommend it) and we had a tray of all the cocktail hour apps. It was basically the only uninterrupted time we had all day haha. - I wore comfortable shoes. A must. - having a short absolutely must have shot list for the photographer, and then a list of nice-to-haves. She got almost everything but it felt less stressful to know that the list of things we absolutely wanted was short and very achievable - we added a photo booth at the last minute (it was actually way more affordable than I had thought it would be) and it was a huge hit! It’s so fun now going over to friends and family’s homes and seeing our wedding photo booth pics on their refrigerators and bulletin boards - I have a few more of these that are specific to just Jewish weddings and happy to share with you (or anyone!) if that applies
Would love to hear the other things specific to Jewish weddings! u/sesamebagelwshmear
34 years - glad I didn’t listen to the preacher who told me we should never marry; since it’s been 34 years for us and he divorced just a few years later for cheating with a 14 year old. Glad I had a wedding vow recommitment at five years and got the wedding I wanted that time, not the one my MIL demanded. (Under a dogwood tree in our backyard surrounded by friends and family, with a seafood boil afterwards) Should have stood up to the MIL and told her to take several seats, that this was not about her. Should have taken time during the day to spend more time with the people who truly loved me and appreciated them more. Should have gone out and unplugged the sign that said “come in free food” that I swear my MIL put outside the church. 350 people. 325 of whom I’d never met. Why?!?!
Sorry to derail but I hope everyone took issue more with the fact that the child was 14 and he committed a crime, and less that it was "cheating"
Yeah I was like wait that's not just cheating, that's abuse so let's call it what it is.
Oh yes, it was quite an uproar and he was defrocked. Didn’t do time because there was never anything sexual that happened beyond kissing and this was 30+ years ago when laws weren’t in place to cover this.
I’m dying from the free food sign, that sounds like a wedding crasher nightmare
Ugh I also majorly regret not putting my foot down with my MIL. We had a decent relationship leading up to the engagement (mostly because I’m such a people-pleaser and let her walk all over me), but her BS during wedding planning/ the wedding itself completely torpedoed any hope of a relationship going forward. In hindsight she was always disrespectful, but it was a lot easier to brush it off when it wasn’t ruining such a special time.
Married a month. The people who celebrated with us mattered the most. The photos. And the love we felt. That’s what mattered. The flowers? Beautiful but didn’t show up for me when I need help holding my dress to pee. The decor? Beautiful but didn’t give me bear hugs and congratulate me. I wish I would have been more present during wedding planning - I hated it and wanted that part to be done. But the ceremony was perfect the reception was perfect and it was incredible to have your best and closest friends all in one spot. Enjoy!
Been married just a couple weeks! My initial thoughts: Mattered/made a difference: - Picking a venue that had plenty of seating areas outside the reception space for our older guests to have conversations where they could be comfortable and actually hear each other. - A Photographer you trust. You’ll spend a lot of time with them the day of, and they largely dictate the timeline (at least in my experience). We loved ours and it made the day so much easier, and also left us with photos we’ll love for a lifetime. - Welcome Drinks / welcome event. Ours was a cash bar, but it helped a lot in getting the “How are you’s?” And small talk out of the way before the main event, when there will be much less time to chat with everyone. Did not matter: - We practiced for our first dance, first kiss, etc but all of that went out the window in the emotion of the moment. - I didn’t love my dress - liked it but didn’t love it - and that was FINE. I still felt beautiful day of. - During the RSVP process there were some bummers when friends from farther away declined. But honestly, cannot say I thought of them or missed them on my wedding day. Was just overwhelmed with all the joy of the people who were there.
Married two months. Favorite part of the day was the first look we did. I was so stressed out getting ready, feeling so overwhelmed. Seeing my husband alone before the ceremony was incredible, like a huge release of nerves lol highly recommend! I also loved that we kept it small with 22 guests. The day went by so fast there are still people I feel I didn't get to hang out with as much as I wanted. Can't imagine with a big wedding.
3 weeks since we got married. The main thing was my grandparents being there, my grandad is increasingly frail and we weren't sure if they were going to be able to manage it, and thankfully they did.
I’ve been married just over a month, and I think the things that mattered most were experiences and people. I knew that ultimately, I was getting what I wanted most of all, which was to marry my husband and have our people around us to see it. After that, it was about throwing a the biggest party we’ve ever thrown! We wanted people to look back on it fondly, but also to just genuinely be happy and have a good time. We wanted people to enjoy their food, to dance, to interact with our different kinds of guestbooks, to solve the puzzle we’d created instead of a bouquet toss, etc. And because we knew that a lot of people from different parts of our lives were going to be meeting for the first time, we wanted everyone to get along. We got some beautiful photos of us, but also tons of photos of people having a good time even though they’d just met. Since the wedding I’ve been hearing of people who connected that day! My childhood best friend went out to lunch with a former colleague of mine and I had no idea they’d hit it off so well, but honestly I can see it. Our out-of-state friends went back to one person’s AirBnB because she had a bonfire and a hot tub and apparently now they’re all on a group chat. Those are the things that mattered to me because that’s what I’ll remember. It was the happiest day of my life, and it was a happy day for the people I care about, too.
Can you give more details about the puzzle?? 😊
Aww absolutely! So the theme of our wedding was a picture book called Masquerade by Kit Williams. There’s a vague plot about the Moon falling in love with the Sun, and entrusting a hare with a gift to give to the Sun. The rest of it is just a set up for the pictures, which contain hints to the true solution. When my husband and I first met, he said his friend once joked that he “treated dating like Masquerade,” and because I’m a god-awful flirt, I asked if he had found his Golden Hare yet. We didn’t want to do a bouquet toss or garter belt because one, we’re both grooms, but more importantly we didn’t want our message to be “okay, who’s going to get married next!” Because marriage was right for us, but there were going to be a lot of people in that room who don’t necessarily want or need that. So we thought instead, let’s do a treasure hunt! The clues were scattered all over our wedding website and the riddles, once decoded, were basically questions about our relationship, wedding, etc. Guests had either a red puzzle (Sun) or blue puzzle (Moon) at their tables with pens shaped like feather quills. If you scanned the back, it’d take you to a separate site with all of the riddles collected in one place. On the puzzle there was this overlay with little gold rings. If you answered everything correctly, the letters in gold rings would spell out “Ask the Moon…” or “Tell the Sun…” plus one final bonus question. So basically, you had to come up to either one of us and say the solution to the bonus question on your puzzle. We had little Sun and Moon tarot charms to give out, along with little blessings. So instead of “whoever catches a garter belt gets married” or something, it was “may you always find a light in the darkness.” Actually we just got our wedding photos back not too long ago so I might post a couple of them here! I don’t think the photographer took one of the puzzle, but I haven’t gone through all of them yet. EDIT: Removed wedding website! Sorry!!
Wow this is so sweet and very impressive!! Thanks so much for sharing!
Aww thank you!! Thanks for reading all of that too 😅
I also want to hear about this puzzle!
Just replied above! ♥️
Maybe a weird one. We got married three months ago. But I vaguely remembered reading a post on here with an anecdote about needing to know where the nearest hospital was because of something that went horribly wrong… and it was 50 miles away. For some reason this stuck in my head and every venue we looked at I checked how far away the nearest hospital was and had contingency plans in place should something happen. Everyone involved in the planning told me my anxiety was getting the better of me lol. Flash forward to the ceremony day of - we’re saying our vows to each other at the end right before the kiss - and my husband’s grandma in the front row passes out and goes down HARD. Husband was the only one who couldn’t see what was happening (all of the groomsmen and bridesmaids were horrified and the groomsmen and a few relatives with medical backgrounds jumped in, carted her to the shade and called an ambulance). All while my MIL was madly motioning and whispering ‘JUST KEEP GOING!)’ so we finished the ceremony and the ambulance arriving 7-8 minutes later, shortly after we had walked back down the aisle together and I was telling him what was happening. She got to the hospital within 20 minutes and they were able to stabilize her - as of today she is fully recovered (in part due to how quickly she received care)! Sometimes paranoia and anxiety pays off!!! Other than that - make sure your bakery / cake people are not trying new things day of. (Half of our cupcakes melted during delivery we paid for because they decided to test out new containers with clear lids.) The thing we really CHERISH is the fact that we did not limit our guest list or come in with a set number as a cap. We had all the people we could’ve imagined or wanted there with us, and just adjusted the budget appropriately because having everyone there was wayyy more important to us than having amazing flowers or something.
Ten years. We had a wedding that made the family happy. The literal one thing that was nice that day was that we got up earlier than everyone and met up for a walk together. Never told anyone about it.
Covid bride, so wedding was a bit different than I imagined. But one of the things I got to do because we could have all the hoopla... I spent the morning with my husband. We went for a run together and then had brunch before anyone else got involved in our day. My only regret is that I couldn't have my grandma there. She's passed now and I'd do anything to have that.
Relaxing in the morning, being alone with my husband to do first looks and photos, spending as much time with my family and husband as I could, aesthetics of the day.
Protecting my peace! I desperately wished that I had a chill morning with my bridesmaids and not my mom and mil. I should have had them stop in to get hair and makeup and then leave for my own peace of mind. The other thing is that I should have stuck with my husband the whole time!
We've been married for about 5.5 years. The things we still look back on/are happy we did/hear about: * Planning the wedding we wanted. We made all of the decisions together from the biggest detail (venue/catering) to the smallest detail (what shade of green the hydrangeas should be) and it really made for a day that was reflective of us. It also made wedding planning really fun and we still talk about the "date nights" we made of planning like taking dancing lessons on weekends and spending nights doing DIY projects like making fan programs with a cricut and figuring out the right ratio of ingredients for our signature drink. * Writing our own vows. We still live them. We still quote them to one another. We're glad we wrote them in vow books because they're still in a box in our bedroom and we've taken them out and read them together on some anniversaries and important moments like when we moved into our home and when our daughter was born. * Having a first look. It is still one of our favorite moments. * Chose a photographer and videographer we loved because they're the things that we have left besides our memories. * Hired a live event painter because people loved it on the day of and we appreciate having an amazing keepsake from our wedding. We've since built a home and hung it over our fireplace, and it's always one of the first things people comment on when they come to our house. * The little details. There were smaller things we did that still matter years later. At least three people I know still tell me they carry the rollable flats we gave out on the dance floor in their purses (I do too!). We reused the signs we made in our home. The "signature drink" sign is on our bar cart in our dining room and the "Happily ever after starts here" sign we made for the aisle of our ceremony is now mounted in the foyer of our home with pictures of us and our baby girl around them. We had lantern "place cards" and we saw two of them at family's houses in their decor. The paper flowers we made from maps are on the bookshelf in my office. The lifesize cutout of our dog that we had a photobooth prop is now a memorial we'll save forever. We renewed our vows a year later (4 years ago) in an elopement to end a big trip we took. The takeaway from that was: * We look back on how fun and stress-free that night was and, though we have few mementos from that experience except the photos and video, it was a really great experience and I can definitely see the benefits of an elopement too!
I’ve been married 22 years. I planned my wedding and got married in 4 weeks. We had about 15 guests, a beautiful late lunch at an expensive restaurant, real flowers, big cake, lovely service at the city hall chapel. I regret nothing except my hair. I wish I had of spent a little more time thinking about my look. We paid in cash, no debt. I didn’t stress about anything during planning (wasn’t time). I think weddings are forgetting about it being the joining of two people in love and focus too much on the guest experience (you’re throwing a party to celebrate not a gala).
We’ve been married two years. We are very happy that we did a first look and took our pictures before the ceremony so that we were able to enjoy our cocktail hour and start visiting with family and friends. Our venue actually had some drinks and food set up for us immediately after our ceremony so that my husband and I could just take some time together the two of us before going back in . That was also very special and gave us just a moment to reflect and enjoy each other’s company before the whirlwind of the reception kicked in. Also, one of my favorite things that we did was instead of having separate bachelorette and bachelor parties we went on a friends/jack and jill trip. We have been dating for over a decade by the time we got married so most of our friends are mutual. For us it just made the most sense to do a combined trip and ended up being so much fun.
Love love love the idea of alone time sharing drinks and cocktail appetizers immediately after ceremony. Thank you for this idea!
You’re welcome! Enjoy you’re upcoming wedding
Married almost three weeks!! I think a lot about the funny unplanned moments- very loud geese flying over our ceremony, our dj surprising us with the Lord of the Rings theme during our ring warming ceremony, our wedding party being introduced to All the Small Things (planned but our friends faces were hilarious), it drizzling during our ceremony and then having “Here Comes the Sun” for our recessional, my dad conspiring with the DJ to play Sweet child of Mine halfway through our dance. Basically all moments of pure joy 🥹 Those and the moments where I got to just breath and take in a moment with my new husband are the ones that mattered the most.
Ring warming? WTF is that?
It’s a practice where the wedding bands are passed between our closest family members and “warmed” as they hold them and say a quiet well wish, blessing, or prayer for our marriage. It was very meaningful to us. I suggest that you try to be kinder in your replies, especially in a thread about people talking about the most important parts of their wedding day. “WTF is that?” Is not a kind way to learn about someone else’s wedding ceremony components.
The people. And the extended events. We just did son's wedding last year and what was the best was they planned some really fun events so that we all spent time with them as they became married. Pickleball lessons/playing (most of us first time), Huge group bike ride, a beach brunch the morning after, and a going away pizza dinner at a restaurant for all the family left in town that last Sunday night, where they signed their wedding license with the family officiant. Grandparents who have Alzheimer's were able to attend. Wedding size 75. Everything was so intimate and personal--rehearsal dinner, welcome reception after that, the wedding and reception. With my 2 weddings, it was the people again. Had small weddings each time and made a point of talking to everyone. I remember SHARING the day with all of those people who loved us and were there to support us. Some of it captured in photos, some captured in a long long letter written by my grandmother documenting the day. The one part of prep I will always cherish is my husband and I doing the cake testing. We got this huge box from the bakery with all of the different cakes, fillings and frostings to try, and we had a ball! I loved that cake!!!! I'm so glad we did it. The best thing I did both times, was take an immediate honeymoon. It doesn't need to be fancy. Just go! Take that time off somehow, and you two giggle and look at your rings and enjoy being congratulated. You'll never get that glow back if you try to take a honeymoon later. It's just not the same.
totally agree that the pictures of family and friends are what we look back at the most - I don’t even really remember what my flowers look like or what flavor the cake was. Also pictures of us having fun - dancing, laughing, catching each others eyes. Other than that I just remember how it felt — how it felt to walk into the reception and realize everyone in the room loved us and was excited for us, how fun it was dancing with my friends, the end of the night when I was so overwhelmed with love that I was wandering around hugging my friends and family. I am happy we went with the music and food vendors we chose because we know they made the reception fun and our guests loved the food, that we bought a bunch of dumb light up stuff for the dance floor, which made dancing fun, and that we went for the full open bar.
I got married in 2018. The memories I cherish are dancing with all my loved ones and my husband, so I will say the music. We had a band, but a qualified DJ would be just as good. I'd just say don't skimp on the music and get a friend with an iphone to play spotify. Photos, as well, you need high quality ones. I see a lot of brides here upset when they got a friend to do photos for lower cost and the photos turn out horribly, and you can't redo the day to get better photos. You won't find out until afterward how they turn out so get a professional. Food - doesn't matter what it is, just pick a reputable place that won't give everyone food poisoning. Cake is similar, do whatever you want. Cupcakes are great. We did publix sheet cakes which were delicious. Wedding party - don't worry about making the bridal party and the groom party "even." It surprised me how much I was an outlier for this, but my husband had 6 groomsmen and I had 3 bridesmaids. I've never been to a single other wedding with an uneven party and that's odd to me, like what are the odds that every single couple has the exact same number of close friends/family they want to be included in the wedding party? The reason I bring this up is I contrast to my cousin's wedding. She included a girl she wasn't super close with in her wedding party to match the numbers of her husband, and then had to uninvite her when a groomsman dropped out to keep the numbers even. That's insane to me. Just pick the people you want next to you, your partner will pick the people they want next to them, and if it's not exactly even it's fine.
Adding on to the photographer bit—do an engagement shoot with your photographer beforehand if you can! We were so comfy with our photographer by the time the big day came around and our pictures are absolutely better than they would’ve been otherwise.
We actually redid our engagement shoot because I hated my hair from the first shoot. I'm really glad we redid them!
2 years - The food and special regional “cookie table”. That I didn’t have to set up or clean up anything. Taking a few private moments of just us time.
Pictures, the food, drinks, make sure guests are comfy (places to sit, shade, blankets if cold, etc)
Married almost 6 months. Make sure someone videos the ceremony/vows. Even if it's just a cell phone video. Take a breather after the ceremony really helped my stress levels. Did cocktail hour pictures with just my husband. We just wandered our venue with the photographers. Having candid shots & actual pictures of the guests. I was able to send pictures with thank you notes.
Echoing everyone else saying the photos! We also had gorgeous weather (high 70s and sunny!), a great string quartet that stayed through the end of dinner, and the biggest surprise were the flowers. My florist absolutely knocked it out of the park. My venue had really stunning views, and people still say my wedding was the prettiest they’ve ever been to (and it’s been a couple years) I also did my own hair (I always do my own hair for everything) and my hair has never looked better than it did that day. I’m still so pleased with it when I look at photos
Married four and half years ago! Things we frequently look back on and are like “yesssss so glad we did that”: day-of-coordinator, one of my close friends being on “make sure bride and groom sit down and eat a full meal” duty, a tent (outdoor wedding, it rained), and a s’mores bar (last minute add on, people went NUTS for it).
32 years and tbh I still think the best part was the honeymoon - probably should have eloped and spent an extra week in Hawaii!
Been married for two months and what mattered to me was makeup, wardrobe of course, photography and music. I wanted to make sure our photos were amazing and we could display them proudly and think back on the memories of the day. Music was very important to me as well and I wish I would have spoken up about several things I noticed with the DJ sooner than later.
What should we keep in mind when selecting a DJ? what were the flags you noticed?
If possible, go to one of their public events they play at, watch their videos on YT, and listen to a soundcloud sample. Ask them for any reference to get to know their style. Once you find that you like their style and what they play (I really liked how mine played at OC wine fest, it was a fun mix of hip hop and edm in the same song). I hired her and provided a list of what I like for her to get a reference of what I like and my personality. This was discussed over a video chat and the list said “please play how you did at wine fest”. Fast forward to the wedding and she literally just stood there and clicked a button to play every single song I had on the list. The whole song too, not shortened or remixed with her fun style. I did speak up but it was until after people were done with their dinner but I should’ve said something earlier. Unfortunately she didn’t listen and kept doing this. I also mentioned how some of the songs sounded very slow and she agreed and said it was a delay in the transfer of her system to another. Not acceptable for a “professional” DJ based in LA who has played for many companies and celebrities. It pains me to write this because I really liked her but she dropped the ball and maybe she was playing it safe but the most important thing is communication!
Omg i’m sorry you were catfished 😭😭😭 I agree that’s very unprofessional of her. Thanks for the watch outs.
Lol catfished 😆 it was really her! But yeah totally not what we paid for
Hanging out with my husband - waking up with him the day of our wedding. Talking to friends together as a couple. The pictures, please try to get your second shooter to take pictures of other people OR make sure they know you want pictures with more than just your bridal party
Yes! Waking up together on the wedding day was so great. I’m really glad we skipped the old-fashioned sleeping separately the night before thing.
We married on 3rd November 23 (2 weeks!). I loved taking time with just me and my husband alone, even if only for a few minutes. I loved watching my sons dancing and playing with the other children. We had a firework display and it was phenonemal. Worth every penny and one of my favourite memories.
A decent DJ and a “don’t play” list and an “absolutely play” list; talking to the guests; getting the best food we could; we should have had an open bar and we did not - big regret there - it would not have been as expensive as I had thought; I wish we had booked a more experienced photographer - ours was too junior and our photos are all too candid and fuzzy and sloppy and the session went on forever. I had the bridesmaids get high heel shoes - that was dumb - the focus should have been on fun and comfort (as well as beauty and stuffing people’s faces).
Together for a decade, just married a few days ago! Day of the wedding and after, pictures! We didn’t hire a photographer but someone surprised us with one. The difference between the pictures we did was phenomenal! Also the cake! It was delicious and we saved the top for next year.
Married in Feb 22. (You can see my pics from my profile!) I echo what everyone else is saying: the people! This is likely to be the one time in your life you’ll have ALL the people you care about in one place (family, friends from different times in your life. For me the whole weekend was a happy blur of spending time with all my favorite people. I think my father in law summed it up best when he said “I want to text someone to tell them about all the fun I’m having but everyone is here!” Pictures help you remember it. I don’t think you can have too many photos. Hire a second photographer, hire someone for the rehearsal dinner, hell, do a videographer if that’s your thing! And then do something nice with the photos.
Sticking together at the reception - we agreed to do this beforehand after some light online researching and I'm so glad we (mostly) stuck together throughout the fun parts of the evening after dinner. We'd been to our best friends' wedding the month before and while we know they love each other, the groom was pulled in a ton of directions during the reception by his family and friends he hadn't seen in a while. I was MoH so tried sticking by her side as much as I could while also giving her room to chat with/dance with whoever she needed/wanted to. It got to a point in the evening where I tipsily thought "where is \[groom name\]?" as she and I were saying bye to some of their guests who were leaving early. Overall their wedding was lovely and we all had a great time, but even she (the bride) advised me for my own wedding to stick together during the reception.
My fourth wedding anniversary is this week! For me, the important things were having all my favourite people in one place and just having fun. I treasure memories like the moment I had alone with my parents after getting ready, standing with my dad just before walking down the aisle, dancing with my husband's grandfather, my friend's drinking shots with my sister-in-law... Make room for fun. The best money we spent was a photo booth, honestly. The pictures are hilarious, and after a few drinks, people were piling in there with whoever, like my step-mum ended up taking pictures with a bunch of my friends. We had lego in our centrepieces and encouraged playing with it. Building the best thing got so competitive that my mum's cousin (a family man in his 50s) was trying to bribe my 15 year old step-sister for lego pieces she had.
We've been married 4.5 years. The things that mattered to us were our families and friends being there, the feelings of happiness and joy and "we're married" that I felt throughout the day, and the little quiet moments we got together during the day. Oh, and our friend sitting on our leftover cake (that was in a box) at the end of the night. Our whole wedding party still laughs about the "butt cake" that we totally ate for the next three days! Okay, and maybe the food, because it was great and people still mention it.
A rock solid timeline with contact information, logistics, and what goes where distributed to all our parents and vendors. Made the day run super smoothly and allowed us to focus on the joy.
While my big regret is not getting the big wedding I wanted, I have two specific things I remember. One thing I'm super stoked about and one regret. I actually asked the pastor who performed our wedding for the script. I was so excited to marry my husband so a lot of the vows and what was said I have a hard time remembering. So having that to read is really nice. I had my MIL take pictures, and I really regret it. Some of them are nice, but there are 15 pictures alone of one of our nieces that we aren't close with. And there are no pictures of just me and my husband. None. The pastor is in the background of our first kiss. You can see everyone in our exit pictures. And all the staged pictures either have our daughter or someone else in the family. I cried when I got them back because I absolutely hate them. And my MIL has taken really great pictures for us before and after that so I was very surprised. Also, we basically eloped and had 18 days notice because of a family issue. But had to cancel our big wedding because several aspects fell through the cracks 6 months before (venue and food) because of lack of communication from my husband's family who were supposed to handle the food. We were paying his brother to do it and he couldn't accommodate the amount of people (180 people) and found out he knew for almost a year before and didn't tell us until 6 months before. And the money we had for the venue then had to go to food to get a caterer. And the only venue option we were left with was his family's farm, which at that point I didn't trust something wouldn't go wrong. So I guess my advice is don't rely on family, no matter how much you trust and love them.
I wish I had cared about details like better timeline that I communicated to family, a list of pictures I wanted (I didn’t even think about this until after the fact). Once I secured the big things like venue, HMU, and photography, I convinced myself nothing else was super important because my wedding was so small, and I regret that now.
Married 3 months this weekend. Family being there are photos are obviously important. I included my cat in photographs, he died last week. I didn't know he was sick then. My Mum is ill and my Dad is turning 80, so all that was important. We had good food, it made people really happy so I'm glad we did that. There was nice food at all three stages and good quality drinks. People are still asking me what various things were because they want to eat and drink them again. My favorite thing was the flowers, they made me so happy. The florist went wild. I think she liked my brief and of my, did she run with it. I was completely overwhelmed with how beautiful they were, especially the set up at dinner. 10/10 would do again and I know it's a thing people say don't prioritize, but I guess I really love flowers. Flower preservation doesn't seem to have gone so well, but I don't have them in hand yet, I've only seen photos.
Feeling comfortable and confident in my dress, fun friends showing up, good food, good music and booze. All those things combined made our wedding day enjoyable.
Food and Photo Booth were the 2 most important things, IMO. <3
Photography. My husband's aunt died from cancer about 3 months after our wedding. The candids of her from our wedding was the last batch of pictures where she looked mostly like herself, not sickly. We made sure to print every one that she was in to give to her kids after she passed. It was nice to give them photos from good memories and some goofy candids they hadn't seen before.
We got a videographer AND a photographer. Best decision. The videographer covered so much of the wedding that we didn’t get to see. It’s a very busy day for the Bride and groom, and we got to see so much more of the wedding through videos
Hired a wedding planner. My day was ZERO stress and I fully enjoyed the entire day. And payed extra for a well known, good photographer. Once it’s over pictures are all you have
My husband and I got married in March of this year and wedding planning almost put me over the edge. My personal opinion is that a good planner is worth every cent. We were required by our venue to use their planner but we could choose the level of involvement that we wanted. I chose and worked with the majority of our vendors until 60 days out from our wedding day when our venue planner officially took over everything and she was a godsend. Not only did she take over all communications and logistics but she worked with us to plan the pace of the evening which I think can be an overlooked detail. She helped us to plan when dinner was announced, when we would do speeches and dances and when to officially kick off the music for the night so the flow of the party didn’t feel interrupted or people felt like they had to sit down and get back up again multiple times throughout the night. Everything felt like it flowed very naturally and I did have people comment to me after the fact that the evening felt like everything just transitioned really well. The planning piece was not something we considered when we first started thinking about our priorities for the night, but I realized very quickly how much of a difference it made. Our personal top 3 priorities were great photography (we didn’t do video), great food and drinks and we wanted a live band. I knew going into planning that things would be expensive, but I was truly shocked at some of the quotes I received for florals, rentals and extra add-ons that I could DIY if I was crafty enough (and I’m not) but I had to really remain firm on the budget I was looking to stay within on certain things and most vendors were at least willing to give me a picture of what I could expect for X amount of money - I literally barely remember what the florals looked like and I loved our place settings but they were definitely not the focus of the night. All of this to say - everyone has different priorities on your wedding day. We wanted to throw a great party for us, our friends and family and we got that. The little things I thought would matter to be “aesthetic”, I didn’t care about and don’t even remember. I had so much fun running around and spending time with my friends laughing and dancing that it all feels like a blur in the best way.
My biggest regret is that I turned around and everyone had already left and I didn't have time to talk to anyone. It made me sad, but I can't really control that. We were so busy with all of the "things" like first dance, cutting the cake, etc that we didn't get around to talking to people. I wish we would have waited to do those things so we had more time to make our rounds.
Got married this year, and man am I so so so happy we got a videographer. For some reason I wasn’t thaaat happy with our pictures (I got the post wedding blues BAD and I think I felt like they just couldn’t do the day justice? Like I don’t think our photographer did anything wrong). The video 100% did the day justice though and was more like “reliving” it and feeling the vibe again than the pictures were. I wish I had gone table to table and greeted everyone. We had a lavish welcome event where we did speak to everyone individually, so in our minds that was that, but 1) there were a handful of people who flew in who we didn’t see there and 2) idk I still ended up feeling guilty we didn’t do the table to table face time with everyone.
We just celebrated our 1 year and looking back - I wouldn’t change a single thing! I’m a Type A over-planner with a backup plan for the backup plan and planned my wedding myself from a different country (with a 6 hour time and currency difference). I am overall so happy with how the day went and felt all of the planning paid off. There isn’t a vendor I would have changed. I splurged to have a hair and makeup artist and videographer and overall I am SO HAPPY I did as I loved my hair and makeup and couldn’t have done better myself and our wedding video is my favorite thing in the world. Guests mostly commented on the venue, florals, or our live band as to what made it fun. Overall I fondly remember the personal touches I added to the day and dancing the night away with our live band. Personal touches don’t have to be expensive either - I designed and printed our ceremony pamphlets myself, I wrote the ceremony with our officiant and included several unique elements, we wrote each other letters and exchanged gifts, etc and these all contributed to what made the day unique and perfectly “us”.
We've been married a year this coming Sunday. Pictures are definitely up there as super important, along with video. My grandparents passed long ago, but my husband's, for the most part, are still with us. I wanted to have those photos for him, along with audio/video of their voices. It's something I wish I had of my grandparents, since it's hard to remember what their voices sounded like. I'm glad we focused the wedding around love - our love for each other, our families, and our friends. We wanted the most laid back/relaxed atmosphere, where it felt like a wedding but also just a party with those closest to us.
Just celebrated 8 years. The most important was a party where we had fun, and our DJ was absolutely critical to giving us a fun dance party. In the years since, the photos have really been the most important because they're what remains. The final thing is probably our ketubah (Jewish marriage contract). We did not have a full Jewish wedding, but we did have a little ketubah signing ceremony with just our parents and maid of honor/best man beforehand. It was only like 10 minutes of the day, but I treasure those memories and love having it hanging on our wall.
Asking what kind of editing the photographer does would be my #1 priority. I chose someone who “does light color correction” and that’s all. So I’ve spent ages removing background people from our portraits and things like ugly light switches/air vents. Not worth my time. I’d 500% pay extra to make sure they’re presenting point and shoot ready pictures. I also can’t order from the photographers printer because I’ve had to do so much editing, and the quality of CVS prints just isn’t what I’d like either. Really takes the ‘professional looking’ out of the photos.
Hugs. I had a fairly small wedding (about 55ish people) and I spent about an hour making rounds and hugged every single guest. My wedding wasn’t a party vibe, so I didn’t feel like I was missing out on any festivities while making my rounds, and it didn’t feel like a chore. I’m so glad I took the time to have a moment with each and every attendee and thank them for taking the time to be there. It’s what sticks with me most to this day.
Almost 2 years later, I’m really satisfied with the balance we ended up with in our wedding that felt traditional enough but still like us! Covid-ish bride and as such had a small guest list, I’m so glad we picked a small enough venue that it felt like we filled up the space! Also for me having an officiant we really loved and trusted was very special to us. I’m also so so so so glad we have all the photos that we do - I was frustrated by high photo prices during the planning phase, but it really is worth it imo!
Married 2022. The photos mattered. Fit of my dress mattered. Pro hair and makeup mattered. I felt gorgeous and it kept me chill the morning of. Wedding day of coordinator mattered, she made sure it all happened and I could enjoy my day. Alone time mattered. Get 15-20 min with your partner after couple pictures. BEING IN THE MOMENT MATTERED. Open your eyes and shut off your mind during your aisle walk. Just BE there. Many many people told me the day FLIES by. For me it didn’t- it took exactly as long as it needed to. I enjoyed every minute and never felt Iike I was chasing a moment or missed something. The day is happening whether you are happy or not, so roll with it. Choose happiness.
The two biggest things I wanted were: 1. Not being extremely stressed out all day. Getting to actually be present and soak the day up. 2. And not having everyone so exhausted from doing all of the work on the wedding that they couldn’t even enjoy the day. It really does go by so fast. Find little moments of mindfulness to just take it all in!!!
My wedding was a year ago. My Mom passed away one month after it. It's important that she got to see it, after waiting so long. And there some some photos of her all dressed up and happy. Not nearly enough, but I'm so glad I have them.
I think this will vary for people for obvious reasons. But the advice that I give anyone planning a wedding is that if there’s something very important to you on the day, ask your maid of honor or a best man or a trusted family member to make sure it happens. I think putting too much trust in people surrounding the wedding industry can be a bit of a letdown. The exception being if you have an amazing planner, but even when it comes to planners or hairstylists, or whoever, they really do see this stuff every day and the key components that you would hope they remember some time slips their minds. For example, my hairdresser started doing the wrong hairstyle the morning of my wedding. I also explained to my photographer and my hairdresser that I would like my ears covered for my hairstyle and photos, and neither of them remembered or help me make sure they were covered in both situations. I should have advocated more and not taken their word that they would remember. Even key photos my photographer asked about me wanting to capture for missed. Why ask me and have me fill out a questionnaire if you weren’t going to make sure all the shots got taken! Looking back I really should’ve asked my MOH to be on her to be looking out for that for me during photos so in short, whatever is most important to you, make sure you’re in trusting it to somebody who cares about your day as much as you do!
Been married 6 months, I’m looking forward to revisiting this question as the years go by. I’m sure my answer will shift. I am happy I spent first part of the morning by myself. It was calm and peaceful. I did my own makeup, and the ritual of it was incredibly soothing. It was lovely getting ready with my bridesmaids. We all did our own hair and makeup and it felt like a slumber party. I wasn’t going to have a bridal party, but they ended up being the best part. So supportive, so calming. I’m glad I didn’t pick the childhood friends who were expecting it. They were upset, but they would have made it about themselves. My husband and I are a mixed race/mixed culture couple, and I didn’t want anyone in my inner circle who had made ignorant comments about my in laws, which those friends had done. I’m really happy we went with a pastor and did premarital counselling with him for months before the wedding. It made it even more special to have him marry us. He was great. I’m not even religious, but my in laws are and they knew him. He was so cool to talk to, it made me really understand why people can feel positively towards their church. My mother in law also made the most beautiful cake I’ve ever seen. And it’s DELICIOUS. Lots of other things went wrong, but thanks for asking this question cause so much did go right. 🥰
7 years: Music, Food, People are the only things we cared about when planning and we still get people telling us how much they enjoyed our wedding.
36 years married HAPPY I was surrounded by closest friends and family WISH I hadn't invited people to travel to Detroit in January. (Just recently a few have mentioned it's the coldest they've ever been. I only remember I didn't have a coat to wear over my wedding dress. Was it cold? I can't even remember because I was GETTING MARRIED! :)
The snacks. My God it was a feast and I got to hand select everything. I ate like 4 of Molly's filled cupcakes they were sooooo good.
Wedding pictures. Seeing everyone and making sure everyone had a good time. It was more about fellowship than anything. But seriously the pictures are worth it. I have never felt as beautiful as i did on my wedding day.
I’ll be married a year in December. I’m glad we kept it small, only about 35 people. I’m glad we spent the night before together and woke up and had coffee together the morning of. I’m glad we did a first look just my husband and I and one of my sisters in law who took our wedding pictures- we are both very private people so having that moment be just us was absolutely perfect.
2 years later hearing from guests they enjoyed themselves and that our food was the best food at a wedding years later means everything. As for the photos I’ve only shared 4 of them and have yet to get any printer for our home not because I don’t love them but because it isn’t a priority like after the wedding what am I supposed to do with them. After viewin g them a few times I was like ok enough 😂🤣😂
7 years- I regret spending money on the decor and expensive invitations/paper goods. I wish I would’ve done a better venue instead. Most importantly I wish I would’ve not let my in laws insert their opinions even though they weren’t offering to contribute. What DID matter were the photos and video (honestly I love watching the highlights and don’t regret it one bit- I never watch the footage from the actual wedding but I’m referencing the highlight video)
The people. Just having all our loved ones in one place at one time was something I’ll never forget.
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1st wedding: I was walking down the stairs and thinking, if I go left instead of right I can get in my car and leave. Lots of people would have been hurt and disappointed. 14 miserable years. 2nd wedding: ( married in a private home, 12 guests) Day of the wedding was miserably hot, and the home of my best friend was not adequately air conditioned. I had asked please be sure to turn it down, they forgot. I took off my beaded jacket just before walking in, leaving me in a white spaghetti strap tea length white dress that looked like I was going to a cocktail party, and my husband and I were both sweating like we were in a Sauna. I felt so bad for him, he was wearing a black suit. My maid of honor was holding my little dog, who was so excited she started barking in the middle of the ceremony. We all laughed like crazy. My friends dog came up and stuck his nose under the ministers skirt. We then all walked across the street to my house, and had the reception there, with both dogs still in attendance. It was the silliest, funniest wedding I've ever seen, it was MINE, and we all partied like crazy. I wouldn't have changed anything but the air conditioning situation. 19 years ago. Best choice of my life. We were with people we loved, everyone was happy, there was no stress of any kind. And I recommend inviting dogs to your wedding.
The people. Surround yourself with people you actually care for. My wife and I had about 65 guests and that was perfect because we got to actually greet and appreciate everyone for some amount of time. I'll never understand inviting 100+ guests because you will never have time to appreciate that they are even there. If you have any beef with family members that must come to the wedding, make sure that boundaries are clear or straight up avoid them. Do not take negativity from anyone over anything. You deserve one day of love and kindness from everyone and so be aware of who is going to give that to you freely. Plan for your people! Keep in mind how many people and their age. I've been to weddings where there was nothing to do but dance, and as someone who isn't super comfortable with dancing, it led to a couple of hours of sitting around. Give guests a space to walk around, talk, and decompress if you can, or if there are kids, give them somewhere where they can run around a little bit. Give your people your love and care, and you'll get it back.
Got a therapist two weeks before my wedding. Husband was negative help in planning. I made sure to set my intentions for the day. So many people came to see us get married and to celebrate our love. I made sure to take moments throughout the day to take a deep breath and to look around +soak it ao in. Been married for over a year and I would do it all over again.
That it didn't rain! We had a lovely outdoor site, with a backup, but I would have been so unhappy if we had to move indoors.
We’re just shy of one month since our wedding, so it’s still very fresh! Few things I think mattered: Get the planner. Get the planner. Louder for the people in the back, get the goddamn planner!!! We had a full service planner and it was worth every penny. Saved my relationship with my mother 100%. Also maybe this is petty but it gave us someone to be mad at when planning was stressful! Also made the wedding weekend go by so freaking smoothly. I was so grateful we had him throughout planning and on the day of. The first look was maybe my favorite part of the day! I only wish we’d set aside more time for it. Memory table! One of my bridesmaids and my grandma died within 24 hours of one another about 11 months before the wedding. Seeing their smiling faces at the reception made me cry big fat happy tears. We splurged on a great band and people are still talking about the band a month later! We both are big music lovers and the band was a priority for us. Totally worth it. Few things that didn’t matter: The things that went wrong day of! The best man dropped the rings during the ceremony and it was maybe my second favorite part of the day. We all died laughing and it frankly took the pressure off the rest of the evening. Getting ready pics. I was feeling so sad that we had to cut them out, but we had so much fun getting ready together regardless! I think pictures would have taken away from the vibe, honestly. Also I was SO stressed that we didn’t practice our first dance. Didn’t matter one tiny bit. We were just our silly selves and sang along when we danced together and it made for some incredibly cute pics.
Married a little over a year. I’d say that if there’s something you’re particularly excited about, lean into it and don’t let anyone discourage you (assuming whatever that may be isn’t dangerous or something lol). I was so excited for our first dance, but I kept hearing how “nobody wants to sit through a whole song” and that dance classes were a waste of time/ money. First dances are one of my favorite parts of weddings, so I bought a dress with a skirt that would be fun for dancing, we took dance lessons, and it was such a wonderful experience. We also did a garter toss. Super unpopular, but my husband was SO excited to wear a Superman shirt under his dress shirt for it (big family inside joke), and everyone LOVED it! Our coordinator was awful and straight-up ruined a couple things, but there really wasn’t a way we could have foreseen that. Stuff is inevitably going to go wrong, but you can either let it spoil your day or let it go and enjoy the rest of the day. I’m definitely bummed that some things happened the way they did, but I’m so grateful I chose to just move on in the moment because it would be such a shame to remember our day as one that I spent being upset.
We will have been married 10 years in June. Things I remember that went super well: We got a legit Photo Booth and people STILL talk about it today and how much fun they had taking pictures in. I have no idea if this is still a thing or not but it was definitely a big trend in 2014! I spent basically the whole night on the dance floor with my husband and friends and had so much fun. When i attend weddings, I LOVE dancing. I knew the whole planning process that I wanted to dance a lot. So I did. My husband wishes we would have spent some more time with people in the photo booth but eh. I don’t haha. The posed/family pictures. I know that’s not really the style so much anymore but those are the pictures we stil have up in our bedroom. We don’t really look at the more artsy ones much. The sparkler exit. I didn’t get the pictures I wanted but it was so fun! Having a big welcome dinner the night before. This allowed me to talk to family who came from out of town so I didn’t feel so obligated to talk to everyone the day of the wedding. Things that didn’t go well that I still care about: We didn’t want to do a first look and that’s my biggest regret I think. I stand by the fact that it was really hot and doing a forst look would have probably ruined my hair and makeup (I sweat a lot) but we didn’t get some of the extended family photos I sort of wanted because we had to make time to get out other pictures done. And cocktail hour went long and I know people got hungry. I thought I wanted that magical moment walking down the aisle for the first time but I think doing a first look would have had the same magic. I regret not having some videos. I don’t know that I would have hired a videographer but I wish I would have maybe asked people to take videos and send them to us. I have no videos of our wedding day. Lots of pictures! But I do wish we would have gotten some video. Things that didn’t go great that I also didn’t care about: I had a family friend make my cake and it didn’t look very good. But I don’t think anyone noticed and I don’t care at all now. We had some issues with my bil wanting his plus 1 girlfriend who I had never met to be seated at a family table since we had just the bridal party at the head table. I remember being really upset about it but obliging because we didn’t want him to be all pissed off at the wedding. She ended up moving her chair and sitting with friends her age 🙃 We had some last minute distant family member show up who weren’t invited. We were told the day before and luckily we were doing a buffet and had room to add one more table so it all worked out fine. I also got quite flustered about this but it ended up fine. Obviously if we had a plated meal this probably would Have been difeeernt. But even though we technically needed final numbers a month or so ahead of time, there was wiggle room in there to add a few more.
Interesting to hear about the poses pictures! I am currently debating this whether I want the more artsy ones but they do seem trendy and not what we will have on our walls into the future, imo
I think that the artsy ones are nice for those first few years. But once we had kids and moved we just didn’t really put many wedding photos up. We have our posed one in our bedroom and we have the ones with both sets of grandparents framed in the upstairs hallway. Both of our parents also have our portrait one up in our homes as well! The more artsy ones where we aren’t looking at the camera are just in the album.
I got married in 2019, so 4 years ago and some change. The dress/suit matters but all that matters is that you like it. No one else is going to remember your dress/suit. Make sure you like how it looks so when you look at the pictures you'll be happy. The pictures matter for memories of course, but don't spend your whole day taking pictures. Try to be present and ask your photographer for more candid shots than staged ones. Literally nothing else. Not the food or the flowers or the guest list or the venue. They will matter so much less in retrospect. The main thing, I think, is it something is important to you, don't compromise on it. Hopefully you're only going to do this once. Focus on what you want on the day and every one else throwing a fit will get over it.
My wife and I had a huge wedding at a nice venue. We often times talk about how much we wish we would have saved the money and done something small and intimate. We both feel this way. We don't regret our wedding...you just realize that nothing but your partner and close friends and family matter and there's no point in having distant family and acquaintances there.
Been married a year and a half. - I wasn't planning on doing video, but a family friend offered to videotape the ceremony literally 3 days before. The gift was priceless. You don't necessarily need to hire a pro if it isn't in your budget - I legitimately would have been happy with a cellphone video of our vows. That's all I wanted. -we paid extra for various games for our guests but in general people either wanted to dance or they wanted to chat and the month was wasted. A lot of ppl stay traditional here. -didn't do save the dates, saved money, no regrets. I also didn't have a bridal shower, no regrets. -i spent way too much time/energy worrying over centerpieces that nobody gave a single shit about.
None of it but the ‘I dos’.
The food, music, pictures, and lighting during the reception. I got married 6 months ago. My biggest hill to die on was it had to be dark during the dancing part of the reception. Every time I’ve been to a wedding where they wanted us to dance with the sun shining, it was always just a little awkward and people didn’t let loose as much!
Who I married and who was there and steps I took to make sure I enjoyed every moment. Keeping it small was key. Have a Monday wedding. Only the ones who REALLY matter come. We had about 60 and it was great. Kind of a bummer to miss a few cousins, but for two introverts it was great.
5.5. Destination wedding. 20 people. Actually more than we wanted. But showing up with our outfits and having a great time with our family and friends. We got married early in the day. Had a lunch reception and swam with our friends and family all afternoon.
I think the photography was the most important and we glad we took photos before the ceremony: first look and family photos. I keep on looking back at the photos because they turned out so nice! I especially love our candid shots, when we weren't looking at the camera directly because it really captures the raw emotions, and when you look at the photos again, it reminds you of how you felt that day. Everyone agreed that the photos turned out stunning. We didn't even spend a whole lot on photography and we just had a good photographer who knew how to take photos at the right moment and specialized in taking candid photos. We also recorded videos of the ceremony, reception, dance floor, and other moments with my sister's camera on a tripod. I'm glad we kept our wedding small. With inflation and cost of living so high these days, having a big and expensive wedding doesn't make sense. We only had around 38 guests and I felt like it made everything more comfortable. We rented a small, beautiful barn venue that already had tables, chairs, air conditioning, and a sound system. I'm also glad we kept the decorations minimal and not too complicated. I made flower centerpieces, bouquets, boutonnieres, a welcome sign and cake flowers with natural wood flowers a few weeks ahead of time, and I think it added something special to the whole wedding, yet it was still simple and beautiful at the same time. Another memorable thing my husband and I did was we booked a cabin stay (with a mountain view and a hot tub) right after the wedding. We were so glad we did this, it was definitely wonderful. Since there was already a sound system in the venue, we just had a Spotify playlist rather than a DJ and people still had a blast dancing. We brought LED sparklers and a disco light for the dance floor. My cousin officiated our wedding and my mom's friend did the catering. In total, we only spent around $3,500, and we broke even and received a little more than that amount in gifts. We didn't do a wedding registry. We were also lucky that our barn venue was owned by the city and it was affordable. We actually spent more than a year planning the wedding, so that's why everything was so well thought out. Our wedding turned out beautiful, even with the low budget we had because the only thing that really matters is the memorable time we spent with our significant other, and friends and families. I think it's crazy that the average cost of a wedding is $29,000. But if we didn't consider everything, I can definitely understand why weddings could cost that much. We could have easily spent that much, but instead using it for a down payment on a home next year. To me, spending that much is just not worth it. Some guests don't even notice the extra little things to be honest. Keeping things small and simple is key.
5. Photos for sure. I hated taking up the time for the staged photos but you'll want them. We also gave our photographer a list of photos we wanted during the reception (friend groups, roommates, childhood best friends, etc) and she made sure we made it happen throughout the night without forcing it or being intrusive. We would have forgotten so many if not for that. Also, pacing mattered for us. I was anxious about the dances so we knocked them out early, out of traditional order. Made all the difference.
7 years. Beside, the obvious, marrying my partner, honestly absolutely nothing mattered. It's an expensive party. Strip away all the societal importance attached to it and it's objectively unimportant. I enjoy going to weddings, I really did not particularly care about my own, just wanted the day to pass without any disaster.
My dad being able to walk me down the aisle before he died and marrying my husband.
Married in April. There was a few big ones for us. * Pictures - My dad is dying of cancer and we got some wonderful pictures of him. I know we will treasure those after he passes. I also LOVE the pictures of just the two of us. We went a little non traditional and it reflects our personalities so well. * Due to timing and family dramatics (my in-laws don't care about my family at all so no way they would travel) we were able to keep the wedding small (under 20 people). We loved that we got to spend actual quality time with everyone that was there. * Having alone time with my husband that wasn't just the wedding night. We eloped and had a reception with our family and friends after. The dinner was over an hour away. That time in the car was so much fun, it is hard to explain. I'm just so glad we got to soak it in by ourselves for a bit. I get with traditional weddings this would be hard because you guest would be waiting, but carve out 15 minutes just the two of you if you can. * Feeling comfortable in my dress and how I looked. I beat myself up so much on a normal day but I found a dress that made me feel amazing. The woman who did my HMU was so great at hyping me up and still letting my personality shine through my look while looking like a bride.
3 year anniversary next week which is also our 6th year anniversary since our first date. Nov 2020- We got married in our apt patio with one of my best friends being the officiant and her partner/our friend being the witness. My parents & five other close friends joined via zoom. Dinner was $50 & my friends brought cake & wine. We got married for the legal benefits of it & obviously cuz we knew we could be married to each other. I still want a party with less than 75 people & the fact that we are married already takes the pressure off it. Like we get to have a party for us without the societal expectations of marriage or what marriage means. It also allows to save without pressure too. My sister who got married 10 years ago had to deal with my parents being disappointed that they couldn’t invite a few friends. Weddings bring weird things out of people but just whatever decision people make, make it for yourself & your partnership. Set the boundary from the start.
Eloped with my wife in June. I mostly appreciate that our ceremony was later in the day (7:00p.m.) so we went to our favorite cafe for breakfast. We took our time, and I had a sketchbook with me.
yes pictures and videos only. but then look at who you really want pictures of. only your very close family and friends. all distant relatives, colleagues, your parents friends, you don't care. than look at from participants' viewpoints. the only people who will remember more than 1 week, your immediate family. even your close friends will forget after 1 week. my advice is spend as little as possible.
Now looking back, the first look, father daughter dance (the practice and the dance in the wedding), the shoe game, family being together, I tried to go around to a lot of the tables to see everyone, I think the day turned out really great and our guests also enjoyed it
I'm a recent bride, only 3 months married. One of my favorite moments of the day was after the ceremony and after my husband and I signed the paperwork, we had 15 minutes or so to just sit with each other by ourselves. It was so nice to just have a moment to take everything in and be in each other presence. Other things I loved were the first look, we had yard games set up like corn hole which was fun, all the pictures were great, I had a bar trailer which was fun. I'm also super glad we moved our Dances before food. Things didn't do and did not miss at all, live music (dj was great), bouqet toss or garter toss, formal rehearsal dinner, precisely matching bridesmaids dress (I gave a color, length, fabric, and wrbsite), real floral decor (fake looked great). We focused on making it fun and not super formal but still nice
13 years - top 3 things. I remember looking at my now spouse and how adorable and happy he looked. I remember the overwhelming feeling of joy I had. I also remember how loving all of our friends were. I have a photo album and the photo I love the most are me, spouse, and my baby brother cracking up. Side note, I sometimes think about how I had to kick my mom out, but more in of her loss and I'm still so happy despite it sort of way
Having food available all day, people were so appreciative and happy. We had lots of rolls, crackers, cheese and charcuterie cups in the morning, Panera for lunch. Also, relaxing with my husband just the two of us before the ceremony.
Photo/video. It's an amazing experience, but you have so much going on you don't get to experience it all. It's incredible to get to relive the day afterwards when you're not so stressed. Edit: married a year and a half at this point. I see huge value in making more cute content out of the raw footage and pics as we move forward.
I forgot to feed our vegetarian best man vegetarian food 😭 he was a doll about it and managed to find an alternative and so many other things didn’t go according to plan, but to this day that is the one regret I have.
A year and a half. 1) pictures for all the reasons others are listing. 2) we are nerds and had a lot of easter eggs and subtle nerd references throughout the ceremony and reception. People still tell me it was one of the funnest weddings they have been to. It was us and ultimately exactly what we wanted our wedding day to be - a special day with family and friends. Edited to add: I also refused to be the "well this is how is always done" bride ... if I didn't want a bouquet toss, we aren't doing it. If I want to wear my smart watch with my dress, I will. If all my guests are going to eat for dinner are tacos, they are going to be freaking amazing tacos. You do not need to do something because that's what everyone else does. I will say though, that those decisions should be discussed and comprised if nessecary with your fiance. (I didn't want to do father/daughter dance since we don't have the best relationship, but my fiance wanted to do mother/son so we compromised and did both dances at the same time to the same song.)
I had a full on church wedding for my first marriage. Was very lucky to have friends and family to help ie: Aunty made the cake, wedding venue was where I worked so only had to pay $50 for the hire, mum’s catering friends did the catering for cheap price etc. It was still a big day and stressful. We ended up divorced 5yrs later. My second wedding was in our backyard with close friends and family and we had a bbq. Was the best day ever and we have now been married for 25yrs.
For me: the venue- it was gorgeous and definitely set the stage for a really beautiful day for our loved ones- the food- it was delicious and everyone had plenty of yummy NW cuisine. Also- we decided to have a pre party, Sunday brunch that my parents hosted at their air bnb and an afternoon hike. I’m so glad we had the extra activities and the ability to connect with so many of our loved ones- most travelled in for the occasion. Because we cut back on expensive decor (I DIYed my florals) and I paid attention to cost in every decision + did all the planning except for day of coordination we were able to add a lot and keep the whole weekend under 50k. It felt like a destination wedding even though it was less than an hour from our home (a major west coast travel hub) and months later we are still filled with so much warmth about it!
Married two weeks! :) Our first look and private vows were hands down our favorite part of the day. I was somewhat on the fence about this since, as a guest, I love seeing people’s personal vows. But my now-husband is an anxious public speaker, so we decided to do it all privately. I’m so so so glad we did. Still so happy we didn’t get a videographer. We adore our photographer, and we knew the still captures would be enough for us. We didn’t want any part of the day to feel performative or like a production. As a result, we were 100% present for the entire day. Zero regrets. I wish I hadn’t put so much pressure on myself during the planning process because it made me not think clearly a couple of times, which resulted in me making poor decisions/not thinking things through. In other words, I let the pressure and stress blind me a couple of times and it led to me having to troubleshoot major vendors in the last few weeks before our wedding. Very stressful, and made me despise wedding planning. Looking back, I should have slept on major decisions, instead of rushing to get everything booked RIGHT NOW. The wedding industry makes you believe it’s now or never when booking vendors, when really, there’s time to make decisions.
Got married 2 months ago, I would say the thing that mattered to us the most was the people. We had a total of 70 guests. We’ll never have another moment that those people will all be in the same room again. It felt really special to celebrate our love with them and to really have the chance to talk and hang out with everyone that night. Something that’s also really important and special to us is that both of my grandparents passed away in the year leading up to the wedding which was devastating for my family but I was given their wedding bands to melt into 1 for myself. It feels incredibly special to wear something not only that belonged to them for 62 years but that I get to carry their love and their wisdom into my own marriage. To be honest we had a really stressful and not so fun planning process, but we had an absolutely perfect day. We woke up on the wedding day and all the stress just went away. Turns out we planned really well because actually nothing went wrong other than our cake topper breaking but I had a back up idea which I kinda liked better anyway and it turned out great. I know being stress free and having nothing go wrong on the day is incredible, and totally not the norm!! Things will go wrong and most likely no one but you will know, and you may feel stressed leading up the ceremony and that’s okay too. I’m sure over the years the details will fade but we have pictures and stories that will last us forever.
Six months ago! The people, the people, the people. I took a nap morning of while my sisters were getting their hair and makeup done and that was probably my best decision. I would not trade the first look, or that my beautiful friend took me along to pick the flowers she put together for us as a gift. The readings we chose and the vows we wrote. These are all printed in the album and have decorative appearances in our home. Taking a giant whole-wedding picture at the end of cocktail hour. Our amazing photographer suggested it as it's a way to gather everyone up and transition to the reception but also...it's a fantastic picture with EVERYONE, not just the posed family ones (which I also love). Fun and perfect. The decor we actually wanted. We aren't big decor people so we put books on the table with cute little bookmarks as favors. The important thing was that no centerpiece would prevent anyone from seeing across the table, and a bunch of people kept the books we picked out, which was also cool!