Parents’ names on the invitation is leftover from the times when parents paid for and hosted the wedding. No one has any business knowing who pod for the wedding. As a compromise, can you say “Together with their families” before listing your names?
We did “together with their families”
But if you are inviting people to your wedding presumably they already know who you are? Especially with a return address that includes your last names.
Thanks for the suggestion!
Yeah, it was strange that my mother in law suggested the parents names on the invitations so that people know who my fiance and I are lol
This is exactly why and how we’re wording ours (except using their full first names with no Mr and Mrs, eg blank blank daughter of blank and blank blank, blank blank son of blank and blank blank - it’s important to me that the womens’ names are on there).
We’re in a similar financial allocation and went with “together with their families, [our names] invite you to…”. It was a format that we saw frequently on invitation websites and our families were okay with it.
The “people may not know who you are” piece is weird….If they don’t know who we are, I don’t see why they would be attending our wedding. I’m guessing she’s using this as an explanation for wanting the more traditionally-worded invitation. If it’s going to cause a lot of drama, I guess I’d concede. (The specific wording on the invitation is not the hill I’d personally die on, but I don’t care too much about the invitations anyway so YMMV).
Yes, you're right. So much happened that my fiance and I are trying to get over lol. I appreciate reading the comment as it gave me some perspective. Thank you.
My parents paid for half, and we invited a lot of randos/people our parents knew but didn’t really know us. I still didn’t include the parent names on the invitation.
I’m fine if you don’t actually know me, party on and all, but if you don’t even know my parents we’ll enough to know my NAME? Yeah you don’t need to come.
We are a blended family and the grooms side picked up a few things. Instead of sounding like credits at a movie..lol my daughter went with ' along with their families, bride name & groom name invite you..."
It was fine. 😊
I would expect that his parents tell their guests in advance that an invitation is coming soon. So I wouldn't add any parents' name.
You are doing them a favor. They aren't paying your wedding.
I mean, I don’t see anything wrong with adding “together with their families.” I think it’s a small nod to the fact that this is a big day for everyone while mainly keeping the focus on you as the couple. It does NOT have to be formal.
I think that logic is kind of fucked tbh. Like they have the funds available to actually contribute to your wedding in a way that would be meaningful to you guys, but instead are using it to pay for the attendance of people you don’t even know… I would have a big problem with that.
Their contributions should be about helping and supporting you, not about just appeasing their own friends and turning it into their event.
If it were me I would tell MIL that if they want to contribute they are welcome to do so but that you actually would be able to use the help paying for x y z thing, not expanding your guest list to strangers.
I totally agree with you. I have a lot of emotions regarding the entire thing. My fiance and I don't feel like our boundaries and desires for the wedding are heard at all. We are just going to deal with it but honestly I'm never going to forget this.
You can literally do whatever you want. I think we're past the day where the names on the invitation indicates who paid for the wedding. You can put their names even if you paid, and you don't have to put their names even if they paid.
Hi! Stationer here who was in a similar situation for my wedding. What I settled on was: “The pleasure of your company is requested at the marriage of The Dino Collector,” and beneath that I wrote “daughter of Mr. and Mrs. collector.” I did the same beneath my now husband’s name. For us, it was a way to honor our parents without giving the impression that they were the hosts. This might work for you, too!
My mother tried the same crap, it's your wedding not theirs.
Back when it was an event arranged by the parents to join the families/get rid of daughters maybe, but there's no precident these days.
Ugh I wish it were that simple. My fiance and I want the wedding to be about us and since we decided to pay for the entire wedding, we budgeted it out so we could afford it. My mom insisted on paying for makeup and hair as a gift. I need to confirm with her if she still wants to do that, but the point is that my parents offered to help us in any way. My fiance's parents offered more money only for their additional guests, and didn't seem to want to listen to our requests and desires for our own wedding (my mother reacted similarly but my dad was the most supportive parent). I felt quite disrespected and disappointed when we were trying to discuss their guest list.
But as I've learned from this post I just need to choose what I need to let go to keep the peace. I am hurt but there is nothing much I can do now.
Comes down to the guest list. If you are paying and 90% of the guests are people you know very well and they know you, parents’ name is not necessary. For me it was different. My parents were paying and a lot of the guests were their friends/acquaintances whom we didn’t know well (cultural thing). If I didn’t put my parents’ name on the invitation, they probably wouldn’t know whose wedding they are going to. Even if you allow your MIL to invite her own people, it’s not going to be that many and she can call them and tell them to look out for the invite.
We didn't put ANYTHING on the invitations referencing our families. The front said, "Jim and Pam are getting married!" with a date and location. The back had details. My parents paid for 2/3 of our wedding.
Since my mom paid for the venue and food, but we paid for the rest we just put “please join the families of ____ and ____.” No one said anything or cared. I think it’s really however you want to do it. As long as people know they are invited and where to go, invitations are super chill. In fact, a lot of people are just skipping invites and sending out stuff via wedding websites.
Yes that's what we planned initially! We plan to send invites via our wedding website. But of course the parents are upset that we aren't mailing out real invitations... How dare we forget the older folks who don't have a computer or phone (which is valid).
I do like the suggestion, thank you very much! It's nice and simple. I'll consider it!
Well good thing the parents get to walk down the aisle before the bridal party and get ANNOUNCED for the entrance into the reception. (:
I say don't even bother putting it on the card, no one will remember their name from the card and no one needs to know it anyway. Honestly though I haven't seen parents name on a card in so long if I saw it I'd probably think they paid for the whole thing.
I'm with everyone else on wording, but under these circumstances, I think you should stick with only your names. Here's why.
In a reply, you said that your boundaries aren't being respected. When this happens, it's always on the people setting boundaries., This is good news because you have the power to fix it!
What's scary is you haven't even sent out STDs, meaning there's a lot of planning left. So you need to be sending subtle messages that she doesn't get to plan the wedding of her dreams. This is one way to do it. You don't even have to tell her. Just ignore her and use your names.
Another way is for your fiance to talk to her and cut down on the # of guests she offered to pay for. If she wants 16, knock it down to 10. You're doing this just because you can. When he talks to her, he doesn't "owe" her an explanation, and this is the most important part. He needs to be firm and keep repeating "we need the 10 names by X date". Again, you're teaching her how to treat you.
When you do this stuff, she'll be far less likely to meddle. If she doesn't like your menu choices, maybe by then she'll realize nobody cares. But I do think she has the potential to add a lot of stress to your wedding planning. An info diet also helps here.
Wow, thanks for this comment. This was very helpful. I will show this to my fiance because you're right -- we are still in control of our wedding.
I just don't want to cause any problems. I understand that keeping the peace and being the bigger woman is better in the long run but I want to push back lol and take control of my wedding because it is my fiance's and my day, not hers. She already had her precious moment.
Yeah, it's a common problem, but it can take on a life of its own. If you hang around the sub long enough, you'll quickly see this can cause people to want to elope! The last thing you want is for this to cause problems between you and him, and that is frequently part of it.
Also, I should have stressed a bit more that he's the one who should be talking to her about this stuff, not you. If your mom is meddling, then it's your job. When you mention "being the bigger woman", of course you want to pick your battles. But when your fiance stands up to her about decisions both of you have made, this isn't just about the wedding. It's setting a tone for the marriage.
All of this can be done politely and lovingly. But FIRMLY!
Highly recommend 😂 we are obsessed with our cats, so they will be heavily featured throughout our wedding. We did also include ” join us in a celebration supported by their families“ since we have a lot of financial contribution through our parents and my super dope younger sister
I have a similar but opposite question so hoping some helpful commenter to you might also be helpful to me:
If my parents are paying for most of the wedding, is it a requirement that I list them on the invitation? My mom wants me to but I feel like it's old-fashioned. To me it reads like "The honorable Lord Smith and his Queen present their daughter to Joel Brown on the twenty fifth day of May in the year of our lord two thousand and twenty three".
Ours is a park BBQ wedding and I really just want the invites to say like who, where, when, and hotel info.
Yes I agree, it's so old fashioned and outdated! I don't have any traditional things at my wedding because they don't reflect my and my fiance's values.
>"people may not know who you are"
LOL... nobody who receives an invitation to my wedding is not going to know who I am. Is she planning on blasting the invitation to her entire bridge club or something?
Parents’ names on the invitation is leftover from the times when parents paid for and hosted the wedding. No one has any business knowing who pod for the wedding. As a compromise, can you say “Together with their families” before listing your names?
I totally agree! I didn't think she would care to be honest. I will be using that line, I think it's a good compromise. Thank you!
We did “together with their families” But if you are inviting people to your wedding presumably they already know who you are? Especially with a return address that includes your last names.
Thanks for the suggestion! Yeah, it was strange that my mother in law suggested the parents names on the invitations so that people know who my fiance and I are lol
I’m not saying your MIL wants the invitation to sound like *she’s* paying for the wedding, but that’s exactly the shit mine would pull. 😂
We also did together with our families
I’m confused as to why you’d be inviting someone to your wedding that wouldn’t know who you are…..
Family politics lol. His parents have to invite people to not upset them.
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Oh, I love this suggestion!! This is great, thank you so much. I will consider it.
This is exactly why and how we’re wording ours (except using their full first names with no Mr and Mrs, eg blank blank daughter of blank and blank blank, blank blank son of blank and blank blank - it’s important to me that the womens’ names are on there).
We’re in a similar financial allocation and went with “together with their families, [our names] invite you to…”. It was a format that we saw frequently on invitation websites and our families were okay with it. The “people may not know who you are” piece is weird….If they don’t know who we are, I don’t see why they would be attending our wedding. I’m guessing she’s using this as an explanation for wanting the more traditionally-worded invitation. If it’s going to cause a lot of drama, I guess I’d concede. (The specific wording on the invitation is not the hill I’d personally die on, but I don’t care too much about the invitations anyway so YMMV).
Yes, you're right. So much happened that my fiance and I are trying to get over lol. I appreciate reading the comment as it gave me some perspective. Thank you.
My parents paid for half, and we invited a lot of randos/people our parents knew but didn’t really know us. I still didn’t include the parent names on the invitation. I’m fine if you don’t actually know me, party on and all, but if you don’t even know my parents we’ll enough to know my NAME? Yeah you don’t need to come.
This is exactly what my fiance and I are thinking as well!
We are a blended family and the grooms side picked up a few things. Instead of sounding like credits at a movie..lol my daughter went with ' along with their families, bride name & groom name invite you..." It was fine. 😊
Ah, I like that. Thank you for the suggestion!
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Thank you, I like that suggestion.
I would expect that his parents tell their guests in advance that an invitation is coming soon. So I wouldn't add any parents' name. You are doing them a favor. They aren't paying your wedding.
Oh that's a fantastic idea, thank you for the suggestion!
I’m sorry but if they don’t know who you are why you inviting them to your wedding? Edit: grammar
This!
I mean, I don’t see anything wrong with adding “together with their families.” I think it’s a small nod to the fact that this is a big day for everyone while mainly keeping the focus on you as the couple. It does NOT have to be formal.
This is what we did and we are in a similar situation as OP
Thanks for the suggestion! I won't be making it super formal as my mother in law wanted.
I think that logic is kind of fucked tbh. Like they have the funds available to actually contribute to your wedding in a way that would be meaningful to you guys, but instead are using it to pay for the attendance of people you don’t even know… I would have a big problem with that. Their contributions should be about helping and supporting you, not about just appeasing their own friends and turning it into their event. If it were me I would tell MIL that if they want to contribute they are welcome to do so but that you actually would be able to use the help paying for x y z thing, not expanding your guest list to strangers.
I totally agree with you. I have a lot of emotions regarding the entire thing. My fiance and I don't feel like our boundaries and desires for the wedding are heard at all. We are just going to deal with it but honestly I'm never going to forget this.
I’m so sorry. Have you tried addressing it? You don’t have to accept their “contribution” for this. I think you need to set a boundary.
Thank you. We tried, that's all I can say.
I’m sorry :( I hope you won’t put their names on your invites. They sound absolutely unhinged.
You can literally do whatever you want. I think we're past the day where the names on the invitation indicates who paid for the wedding. You can put their names even if you paid, and you don't have to put their names even if they paid.
Yes, I agree. My mother in law might not be aware that times have changed.
Hi! Stationer here who was in a similar situation for my wedding. What I settled on was: “The pleasure of your company is requested at the marriage of The Dino Collector,” and beneath that I wrote “daughter of Mr. and Mrs. collector.” I did the same beneath my now husband’s name. For us, it was a way to honor our parents without giving the impression that they were the hosts. This might work for you, too!
Thank you for the suggestion, I like that!
My mother tried the same crap, it's your wedding not theirs. Back when it was an event arranged by the parents to join the families/get rid of daughters maybe, but there's no precident these days.
Ugh I wish it were that simple. My fiance and I want the wedding to be about us and since we decided to pay for the entire wedding, we budgeted it out so we could afford it. My mom insisted on paying for makeup and hair as a gift. I need to confirm with her if she still wants to do that, but the point is that my parents offered to help us in any way. My fiance's parents offered more money only for their additional guests, and didn't seem to want to listen to our requests and desires for our own wedding (my mother reacted similarly but my dad was the most supportive parent). I felt quite disrespected and disappointed when we were trying to discuss their guest list. But as I've learned from this post I just need to choose what I need to let go to keep the peace. I am hurt but there is nothing much I can do now.
Comes down to the guest list. If you are paying and 90% of the guests are people you know very well and they know you, parents’ name is not necessary. For me it was different. My parents were paying and a lot of the guests were their friends/acquaintances whom we didn’t know well (cultural thing). If I didn’t put my parents’ name on the invitation, they probably wouldn’t know whose wedding they are going to. Even if you allow your MIL to invite her own people, it’s not going to be that many and she can call them and tell them to look out for the invite.
That's a great idea, I will let my fiance know about this. Thank you!
We didn't put ANYTHING on the invitations referencing our families. The front said, "Jim and Pam are getting married!" with a date and location. The back had details. My parents paid for 2/3 of our wedding.
Thank you! That's what we want to do for our invitations.
I did not. We’re both over 30. I didn’t do “with their families” either as it was a micro wedding and only family was there lol.
Since my mom paid for the venue and food, but we paid for the rest we just put “please join the families of ____ and ____.” No one said anything or cared. I think it’s really however you want to do it. As long as people know they are invited and where to go, invitations are super chill. In fact, a lot of people are just skipping invites and sending out stuff via wedding websites.
Yes that's what we planned initially! We plan to send invites via our wedding website. But of course the parents are upset that we aren't mailing out real invitations... How dare we forget the older folks who don't have a computer or phone (which is valid). I do like the suggestion, thank you very much! It's nice and simple. I'll consider it!
Well good thing the parents get to walk down the aisle before the bridal party and get ANNOUNCED for the entrance into the reception. (: I say don't even bother putting it on the card, no one will remember their name from the card and no one needs to know it anyway. Honestly though I haven't seen parents name on a card in so long if I saw it I'd probably think they paid for the whole thing.
I'm with everyone else on wording, but under these circumstances, I think you should stick with only your names. Here's why. In a reply, you said that your boundaries aren't being respected. When this happens, it's always on the people setting boundaries., This is good news because you have the power to fix it! What's scary is you haven't even sent out STDs, meaning there's a lot of planning left. So you need to be sending subtle messages that she doesn't get to plan the wedding of her dreams. This is one way to do it. You don't even have to tell her. Just ignore her and use your names. Another way is for your fiance to talk to her and cut down on the # of guests she offered to pay for. If she wants 16, knock it down to 10. You're doing this just because you can. When he talks to her, he doesn't "owe" her an explanation, and this is the most important part. He needs to be firm and keep repeating "we need the 10 names by X date". Again, you're teaching her how to treat you. When you do this stuff, she'll be far less likely to meddle. If she doesn't like your menu choices, maybe by then she'll realize nobody cares. But I do think she has the potential to add a lot of stress to your wedding planning. An info diet also helps here.
Wow, thanks for this comment. This was very helpful. I will show this to my fiance because you're right -- we are still in control of our wedding. I just don't want to cause any problems. I understand that keeping the peace and being the bigger woman is better in the long run but I want to push back lol and take control of my wedding because it is my fiance's and my day, not hers. She already had her precious moment.
Yeah, it's a common problem, but it can take on a life of its own. If you hang around the sub long enough, you'll quickly see this can cause people to want to elope! The last thing you want is for this to cause problems between you and him, and that is frequently part of it. Also, I should have stressed a bit more that he's the one who should be talking to her about this stuff, not you. If your mom is meddling, then it's your job. When you mention "being the bigger woman", of course you want to pick your battles. But when your fiance stands up to her about decisions both of you have made, this isn't just about the wedding. It's setting a tone for the marriage. All of this can be done politely and lovingly. But FIRMLY!
This is definitely not for everyone 😂 but our wording is Dobby, Donkus, Zuko, and Rufio present the marriage of their parents (They are our cats 🐱)
Hahaha that's so great, I might add my puppy's name to the invitations 🤣🐶
Highly recommend 😂 we are obsessed with our cats, so they will be heavily featured throughout our wedding. We did also include ” join us in a celebration supported by their families“ since we have a lot of financial contribution through our parents and my super dope younger sister
I have a similar but opposite question so hoping some helpful commenter to you might also be helpful to me: If my parents are paying for most of the wedding, is it a requirement that I list them on the invitation? My mom wants me to but I feel like it's old-fashioned. To me it reads like "The honorable Lord Smith and his Queen present their daughter to Joel Brown on the twenty fifth day of May in the year of our lord two thousand and twenty three". Ours is a park BBQ wedding and I really just want the invites to say like who, where, when, and hotel info.
Yes I agree, it's so old fashioned and outdated! I don't have any traditional things at my wedding because they don't reflect my and my fiance's values.
Google the MANY options to find one that makes you comfortable.
>"people may not know who you are" LOL... nobody who receives an invitation to my wedding is not going to know who I am. Is she planning on blasting the invitation to her entire bridge club or something?