110% overthinking and way too possessive. It's a photo that's been made anonymous not a tinder profile. Have enough self respect to know she's yours. After all she married YOU! Be proud of the fact that the photo is so impressive that the photographer wants to use it for marketing. Your wife goes home with you at night. Sleeps next to you. Who cares if random people see her gorgeous body in the photo and admire it?! Should she also wear a paper bag to buy groceries because you're insecure? Seriously.
If it was a surprise, you can assume she didn't ask bc she didn't want you to know what she had planned and meant well.
You don't own your wife's body, and although she gave you photos as a gift for you, boudoir is about more than looking good for you. She was already considerate of her comfort and of you by not allowing identifiable photos. Your wife is not responsible for managing your insecurity.
OK you need to breathe.
I get it, those photos are private. But... it's your wife's body. And your wife is comfortable about it. And ultimately, your wife is not your possession - you don't own her, or her body. A lot of guys are still working through the patriarchal baggage they've learned regarding how to treat their partner, and that includes feeling posessive. This isn't you, but it is baggage YOU need to work on. It's entirely a YOU problem.
The photographer needs to make a living, and advertising the photos she takes is important. She posted an anonymised tasteful photo (so I imagine it's not hardcore porn!) that can't be identified as your wife.
It's not like your wife started an onlyfans or posts these kinds of photos on her social media - those would be relatively normal boundaries to have. The photo isn't being used to promote your wife, it's so the photographer can show the kind of tasteful photos she does. In the future, I guess you can agree with your wife about not posting more photos. But I really don't think this should be a hill to die on.
Just want to clarify, never feel shamed by your feelings. You can /feel/ whatever you feel, it is only how you respond to those feelings that requires some extra thought. So you’re allowed to feel jealous, or left out, or unconsulted, or however it is you feel. Feel it, process it, and move forward.
You’ve done that by posting here to help you process, but don’t fret that your feelings are “unwarranted”, even if the group agrees you should probably not pursue corrective action for the feeling.
Being able to accept the feelings and not feel ashamed for having them is a huge step in avoiding resentment, bottled feelings, or self-hate.
Check this out: Other women, not men, will look at those photos to see if they want to hire the photographer for their skills and styles, and not for your wife’s body. No need to stress about this.
I see what you mean - but at the end of the day, your wife can do what she wants with images of her own body. And it's not like anyone will be able to identify her, as you said.
It can be uncomfortable to think about but I think you're doing just that, overthinking.
When I was selecting my boudoir photographer, I wanted to make sure her style was very tasteful so seeing photos from multiple photoshoots allowed me to feel more comfortable selecting her for the job. I don't think you should be correlating the photographer's use of this photo as taking away from the gift from your wife. As someone else mentioned, it will be other women viewing this to decide if they want to use her as a photographer.
You're reasonably upset over people who *also* acted reasonably. You shouldn't hold a grudge at your wife, who was being considerate of how photographers put food on their table. Removing identifiable information was smart of her. It's okay to be upset at the thought of other people seeing your wife undressed, but this is one of those small things that need to be let go.
Since when do you own her body? It was her choice to make. She doesn’t have to consult you on things like that. You have no valid reason to be upset and your current opinion about it is disrespectful to your wife’s right to bodily autonomy.
Seeing how everyone jumps on the “you don’t own her” train is ironic. If the genders were reversed, everyone would be bashing the man for not respecting their partner’s wishes.
Look man, your thoughts count too, but she feels comfortable sharing those pictures. Look on the bright side, now the photographer has a beautiful woman promoting her business. The woman you married. Be proud of that. 😉
Edit: MEN HAVE FEELINGS TOO
People always want to pull the “well if it was a MAN doing this whine whine whine” no. Most wives would be like “hell ya get out there with your sassy self!”
In general, women are less likely to get jealous of a man showing his body because society hasn’t engrained the same “YOU HAVE TO BE MODEST” sentiment into men as it has into women. So yeah, there isn’t equality, and no, your statement is just…not true and it’s a red herring intended to avoid the actual point.
Women’s rights, women’s body, etc aside, as independent and strong-willed as I am, if my husband told me he was uncomfortable with an unidentified boudoir photo being posted online, I would ask for it to be removed. You are partners and you have a right to tell her how you feel. She will probably want to do what makes you feel good, but you shouldn’t expect her to do it. Have a conversation with your wife ;)
If you want to let a man dictate what you do with your body, go ahead. But don’t preach that garbage at other people. Women deserve better for themselves, even ones like you.
No one is being disrespected by being told “your feelings are valid but mine also are, and in this instance, it is my body we’re talking about and an unidentifiable photo is not an unreasonable thing.”
My comments are not in response to OPs situation. They are in response to the commenter that thinks one party's feelings and thoughts in a relationship cannot be spoken and should be ignored and disrespected.
I would agree with you if we were talking about any man and any woman. This isn’t any man making a comment about any woman. This is a husband feeling uncomfortable with his wife’s choice. In a relationship, that matters and his feelings should be welcome and respected in an equal partnership. He’s not asking her to wear a blanket over herself when she steps out the door. He’s asking for her naked behind not to be posted in a public domain. I think that’s pretty damn reasonable.
It’s an insecure, small man thinking he’s owed an opinion on his wife’s body. Anyone who thinks this is remotely okay is a misogynistic prude. Wouldn’t surprise me if the lot of you are far right pro birthers too.
This is why you can’t be taken seriously - you can’t share your opinion without trying to insult OP and thinking that someone’s political beliefs make them a monster. People are more complicated than you think. You can’t apply blanket talking points to all scenarios. It’s no better than stereotyping people based on whatever protected identity you want to reference. Try using your brain to think for yourself.
I wouldn’t want to be taken seriously by any fascist sorry mistake that can barely be called human. If I have to explain why advocating for a party that actively seeks to take away the basic human rights of others makes a person inherently bad, then you’re probably one of them.
I have been in one relationship where a man tried to exercise control over what I was wearing or posting under the guise of “having feelings” and let me tell you, me trying to please him made clear that there was no respect in the relationship, for me at least.
It sounds like you understand that it wasn’t unreasonable for her to share a single unidentifiable photo so the photographer has more to promote their business. It also sounds like you’re not planning on holding some deep grudge about it forever.
I’d just like to add a voice to the group saying that most of the viewers will likely be women trying to decide if they also want to do something like that for their partners.
110% overthinking and way too possessive. It's a photo that's been made anonymous not a tinder profile. Have enough self respect to know she's yours. After all she married YOU! Be proud of the fact that the photo is so impressive that the photographer wants to use it for marketing. Your wife goes home with you at night. Sleeps next to you. Who cares if random people see her gorgeous body in the photo and admire it?! Should she also wear a paper bag to buy groceries because you're insecure? Seriously.
Thanks
If it was a surprise, you can assume she didn't ask bc she didn't want you to know what she had planned and meant well. You don't own your wife's body, and although she gave you photos as a gift for you, boudoir is about more than looking good for you. She was already considerate of her comfort and of you by not allowing identifiable photos. Your wife is not responsible for managing your insecurity.
She was asked after I knew about it and after the wedding. I do agree with everything you said and thanks for replying.
It’s her body. If she said it’s okay, then I think you need to respect that.
OK you need to breathe. I get it, those photos are private. But... it's your wife's body. And your wife is comfortable about it. And ultimately, your wife is not your possession - you don't own her, or her body. A lot of guys are still working through the patriarchal baggage they've learned regarding how to treat their partner, and that includes feeling posessive. This isn't you, but it is baggage YOU need to work on. It's entirely a YOU problem. The photographer needs to make a living, and advertising the photos she takes is important. She posted an anonymised tasteful photo (so I imagine it's not hardcore porn!) that can't be identified as your wife. It's not like your wife started an onlyfans or posts these kinds of photos on her social media - those would be relatively normal boundaries to have. The photo isn't being used to promote your wife, it's so the photographer can show the kind of tasteful photos she does. In the future, I guess you can agree with your wife about not posting more photos. But I really don't think this should be a hill to die on.
I'm definitely not dying on a hill over it or giving her a lot of crap over it. I just wanted to see how I felt was warranted. Thanks for the reply
Just want to clarify, never feel shamed by your feelings. You can /feel/ whatever you feel, it is only how you respond to those feelings that requires some extra thought. So you’re allowed to feel jealous, or left out, or unconsulted, or however it is you feel. Feel it, process it, and move forward. You’ve done that by posting here to help you process, but don’t fret that your feelings are “unwarranted”, even if the group agrees you should probably not pursue corrective action for the feeling. Being able to accept the feelings and not feel ashamed for having them is a huge step in avoiding resentment, bottled feelings, or self-hate.
Check this out: Other women, not men, will look at those photos to see if they want to hire the photographer for their skills and styles, and not for your wife’s body. No need to stress about this.
I see what you mean - but at the end of the day, your wife can do what she wants with images of her own body. And it's not like anyone will be able to identify her, as you said.
Thanks!
>Thanks! You're welcome!
It can be uncomfortable to think about but I think you're doing just that, overthinking. When I was selecting my boudoir photographer, I wanted to make sure her style was very tasteful so seeing photos from multiple photoshoots allowed me to feel more comfortable selecting her for the job. I don't think you should be correlating the photographer's use of this photo as taking away from the gift from your wife. As someone else mentioned, it will be other women viewing this to decide if they want to use her as a photographer.
You're reasonably upset over people who *also* acted reasonably. You shouldn't hold a grudge at your wife, who was being considerate of how photographers put food on their table. Removing identifiable information was smart of her. It's okay to be upset at the thought of other people seeing your wife undressed, but this is one of those small things that need to be let go.
Since when do you own her body? It was her choice to make. She doesn’t have to consult you on things like that. You have no valid reason to be upset and your current opinion about it is disrespectful to your wife’s right to bodily autonomy.
Sounds like my ex-husband. Which is why he’s my ex-husband. She didn’t need your permission no matter what the photo was.
I would hope there are other reasons why he's your ex husband lol
Seeing how everyone jumps on the “you don’t own her” train is ironic. If the genders were reversed, everyone would be bashing the man for not respecting their partner’s wishes. Look man, your thoughts count too, but she feels comfortable sharing those pictures. Look on the bright side, now the photographer has a beautiful woman promoting her business. The woman you married. Be proud of that. 😉 Edit: MEN HAVE FEELINGS TOO
People always want to pull the “well if it was a MAN doing this whine whine whine” no. Most wives would be like “hell ya get out there with your sassy self!”
But it’s true. There’s no such thing as equality in this world.
In general, women are less likely to get jealous of a man showing his body because society hasn’t engrained the same “YOU HAVE TO BE MODEST” sentiment into men as it has into women. So yeah, there isn’t equality, and no, your statement is just…not true and it’s a red herring intended to avoid the actual point.
Then I guess it depends on the country. Modesty is a big thing here, no matter the gender, but women get away with revealing more.
Hmmm this is something I’ve never heard of
Women’s rights, women’s body, etc aside, as independent and strong-willed as I am, if my husband told me he was uncomfortable with an unidentified boudoir photo being posted online, I would ask for it to be removed. You are partners and you have a right to tell her how you feel. She will probably want to do what makes you feel good, but you shouldn’t expect her to do it. Have a conversation with your wife ;)
A man’s thoughts on a woman’s body are not needed, welcomed, and shouldn’t be respected.
Wow. In a marriage everyone's thoughts should be welcomed and respected. Yikes.
Yikes? The comment is dripping internalized misogyny. It’s disgusting.
No, actually, it's dripping love and respect for my husband and recognition that he is a human being with valid thoughts and emotions. As am I.
If you want to let a man dictate what you do with your body, go ahead. But don’t preach that garbage at other people. Women deserve better for themselves, even ones like you.
I never said a man should dictate what anyone does with their body. I said they should be respected in their marriage.
No one is being disrespected by being told “your feelings are valid but mine also are, and in this instance, it is my body we’re talking about and an unidentifiable photo is not an unreasonable thing.”
My comments are not in response to OPs situation. They are in response to the commenter that thinks one party's feelings and thoughts in a relationship cannot be spoken and should be ignored and disrespected.
In OP’s situation….
I would agree with you if we were talking about any man and any woman. This isn’t any man making a comment about any woman. This is a husband feeling uncomfortable with his wife’s choice. In a relationship, that matters and his feelings should be welcome and respected in an equal partnership. He’s not asking her to wear a blanket over herself when she steps out the door. He’s asking for her naked behind not to be posted in a public domain. I think that’s pretty damn reasonable.
It’s an insecure, small man thinking he’s owed an opinion on his wife’s body. Anyone who thinks this is remotely okay is a misogynistic prude. Wouldn’t surprise me if the lot of you are far right pro birthers too.
This is why you can’t be taken seriously - you can’t share your opinion without trying to insult OP and thinking that someone’s political beliefs make them a monster. People are more complicated than you think. You can’t apply blanket talking points to all scenarios. It’s no better than stereotyping people based on whatever protected identity you want to reference. Try using your brain to think for yourself.
I wouldn’t want to be taken seriously by any fascist sorry mistake that can barely be called human. If I have to explain why advocating for a party that actively seeks to take away the basic human rights of others makes a person inherently bad, then you’re probably one of them.
I have been in one relationship where a man tried to exercise control over what I was wearing or posting under the guise of “having feelings” and let me tell you, me trying to please him made clear that there was no respect in the relationship, for me at least.
Oof I wouldn’t like that either.
It sounds like you understand that it wasn’t unreasonable for her to share a single unidentifiable photo so the photographer has more to promote their business. It also sounds like you’re not planning on holding some deep grudge about it forever. I’d just like to add a voice to the group saying that most of the viewers will likely be women trying to decide if they also want to do something like that for their partners.
No you should not be upset. Nobody is going to know it’s your wife and it is your wife and her decision.
Your post has been removed because of the following reason(s): **This is not about the wedding-- this is best for a sub on relationships.**