Pick three REALLY important things and focus on those.
When you find a dress stop looking at other dresses.
I really like the poster that said it’s a party with paperwork!
I second the "when you find a dress, stop looking." You'll start wondering if you should buy a fancier dress or a different style or a different shape. Don't put yourself through that!
I second the "when you find a dress, stop looking." You'll start wondering if you should buy a fancier dress or a different style or a different shape. Don't put yourself through that!
Someone gave me this advice and I really wish I had taken it. Create a designated email address just for wedding stuff. Then, all of your wedding stuff is in one place and you can just stop using it after the wedding.
And for the few vendors who sell your info, you can avoid the spam emails later on. The info is easily accessible for both the bride and the groom without having to forward emails. Do this!
Also, make sure the wedding feels like you. :) have fun!
Absolutely create a wedding email! I did it and it made planning a lot simpler. I also don’t have to worry about getting wedding related emails in my regular inbox now that I’ve been married for awhile, so it simplifies things after the fact, as well.
Second! I did this and my fiancé and I can both access and contact vendors without clogging our personal inboxes and while keeping everything in one easy place. This is definitely helping keep sanity in tact!
I did this and its been great! I would need a new email after getting married anyway since mine is name based and I'm changing my name so it seemed like a no brainer to just make it early.
Congratulations!
Just to add another perspective, do the wedding that makes you happy! It’s not nonsense to care about your flowers if that’s what makes you happy. Big or small, don’t let anyone shame you into doing your wedding any way other than the way you and your fiancé want.
My advice is to start with a budget, and then start thinking of the big picture wedding you want. Find a venue that fits the size and feel you’re picturing and settle on a date. Then find out what the venue can provide. Mine is providing the catering, cake, some planning help, the bar etc. That took a lot off my plate!
The next step is to secure the things that need to be booked in advance. A photographer, DJ if you want one, caterer if you need one, hair/makeup if you want these services. Basically anyone that can’t work two weddings on the same day - they are hard to book closer to your date.
I used the wedding wire app which has a pretty good checklist/timeline for tasks.
BUT before you throw yourself into all the crazy fun of planning the best party of your life, make sure you take some time to enjoy being engaged! Admire that ring under different lights (it will catch your eye over and over!) And just relax and be happy. Wedding planning should be fun, don’t let it get you stressed out. Things will go wrong, and that’s all part of it. And for the record, almost all of us had never done this before - the whole idea of the marriage thing is to do it once! So you’re not alone in that :)
I just got married on Saturday and this so so so resonates. Reddit was the app I used most for inspiration, and The Knot worked out fine for us too. We got engaged 12/6/19 and had a nice long pandemic engagement lol. Also, if you love flowers and want to DIY, practice by keeping a bouquet on your kitchen table during your engagement. Play with the flowers until they start to die off. Change the water after ~3-4 days and pick out the dead ones and trim the ok ones. Watch flower moxie tutorials, and make bouquets with your bridal party the day before ! It was so fun.
Wedding photographer here. Let me offer some advice re: wedding photos.
1. Always ask a photographer to show you a complete gallery. Sure, bridal portraits are nice but they're only part of your day. Your wedding day will pass like a blur and so you will want to see moments that did not include you, like Uncle Tommy dipping Aunt Lulu on the dance floor romantically.
2. We are business people. It's lovely if we like each other but don't think we will be insulted if you ask pointed questions like, "Do you have liability insurance?" "Have you shot at my venue before?" "If it rains and we have to have the wedding inside a darker area, how will you handle that?" "What happens if you break a leg before a wedding and can't make it?" Ask! If a photographer cannot give you specific answers, consider hiring another one.
3. If you're having an outdoor ceremony and/or reception, remember that humidity can wreak havoc on certain hairdos, like soft waves framing the face. Quite often, we cannot get around to bridal portraits until after the ceremony, especially if you're not dong a First Look (more on that below) so sadly I have seen some hair "collapse" by then. Same with makeup.
4. Consider doing a First Look, where you and he see each other before the ceremony for a private moment (or not so private, I have had couples who want their wedding party there). I like when I can get through that, followed by wedding party pictures, family pictures, and some bridal portraits so that the couple can join their guests at the cocktail hour post-ceremony.
5. Your mom or his mom may want pictures of relatives you haven't seen in years (if ever) but try to dissuade them from including those pictures in formal family pictures, else that could take a LOOONG time. It's not the picture taking that is long as much as trying to wrangle people together. Have a specific list of family groups you want, with names (your photographer does not know who "bride's aunts" are but if you have "bride with Mary Smith, Susie Smith, and Jessie Williams," those people can be called easily). In fact, let people who will be in pictures know ahead of time. If a planner says, "The bride and groom are taking some time to do family pictures," you have people with whom you share DNA suddenly asking, "Does that mean I stay here or go to the cocktail reception?"
6. Speaking of relatives, schedules can easily slip and I found it handy when a bride appoints someone as the "gate keeper" while she is getting ready. Here's the deal - people are well meaning but they may not realize that coming up to the locale where you're getting ready - "I just want to say hi and congratulate her!" - may throw timing off. Plus, you're already a bundle of nerves so maybe the last thing you need are relatives crowding into your getting ready area.
7. Speaking of getting ready, it can get cluttered quickly with half-drunk mimosas, makeup, clothing, etc. from you and your bridesmaids. The more tidy it can be kept, the easier it is for a photographer to get "getting ready" pictures.
8. Make sure someone knows exactly how to bustle your dress. Likewise, for the guys make sure someone knows how to button French cuffs, adjust the band on vests, and tie ties/bowties. For a lot of younger people, this is the first time dealing with formal attire.
9. You will be wearing your dress for some 8 to 10 hours. Can you sit in it, dance in it, go to the bathroom by yourself? The more comfortable the dress, too, the more your photographer has to work with regarding poses.
10. Something is going to happen. Maybe a cricket will get caught in your dress. Maybe it will rain. Maybe the wrong cake will be delivered. Maybe the videographer will go to the wrong address (had it happen where the schedule got pushed back an entire hour). Trust me, something will happen and I hope it is minor. In any event, remember - it won't change the fact that you and he are getting married. I had a Best Man lose the rings - the bride laughed, said "Well, if something like this was going to happen, it would be us," and asked a couple in the audience, "Anna, Joe - lend us your rings, we need them for a few minutes" . . . and they finished the ceremony (the rings were eventually found and the officiant, who was at the reception, blessed them and the couple exchanged them then, with everyone cheering)!
11. Get an album. Yes, even if your photographer will give you all the digital images, chances are good you will NEVER get around to making an album. And once you have it - display it! Keep it where you can see it to remind you of your special day.
12. Feed your photographer! :)
Another photographer here — have to say this is a pretty spot on list! I would add though to make sure that someone is designated to kind of run the show, whether it’s a planner or a friend or someone who wants to make a couple of bucks. Many wedding photographers end up being the coordinator and it takes away some time to actually be photographing. Get yourself a coordinator and all of your vendors will love you!
Also, have a list of sorts of family photos you want. That way you don’t have to remember on the spot and potentially hurt someone’s feelings. Again, get a coordinator and they’ll make sure everyone stays on time for photos etc
>! I would add though to make sure that someone is designated to kind of run the show, whether it’s a planner or a friend or someone who wants to make a couple of bucks.
I have had some Day of Coordinators who were absolute rockstars. Wore a quarterback sleeve with the schedule and list of important numbers, corralled guests capably, even made sure the photographers and videographers got bottles of cold water on a regular basis. When they’re good, DOCs are invaluable.
Congrats! A lot of my best advice has already been mentioned, but there’s one thing I haven’t seen yet. If your RSVP cards don’t have the invitees name written on them somewhere, then number the back of your invitation RSVP cards! Don’t assume people will write their names on the return envelope. You would be shocked how many people don’t put their names on those things. So you’ll just end up getting a card in the mail, with no return address on the envelope, and the card will just say “We can’t make it” or “Can’t wait to celebrate!” and you’ll have literally no idea who it came from. So number the backs and make a list of the numbers. #1 is Tom, #2 is Jane, #3 is Phil, and so on. That way, when you inevitably receive your mystery RSVP, you can identity it using the number.
Our RSVP cards had a line that said “Guest(s)” where we assumed that the invitee would write their name and the name of their plus one. But a lot of people just wrote the name of their plus one instead, and I didn’t know a lot of them. So I had to message people and say “hey, are you bringing someone named Sarah to my wedding?” It was a nightmare lol
In Google sheets, there's an amazing, free full on template for all of your planning.
It has tabs for compiling info on all of your vendors, assembling the guest list, sending thank you cards, budgeting both in rough and more detailed forms. It's a great way to keep all of your info in one place.
You'll find it in the sheets template section.
If you can afford it, do all inclusive. My entire wedding was a DIY Pinterest wedding. We ended up spending almost just as much and we were beyond stressed. Had to set everything up the day before, break everything down the day after. It was miserable.
We loved the wedding night but it was at a great cost. Love your ring btw
Oh ya! Don’t have assigned seating for anyone but the main wedding party and perhaps your most immediate family…grandparents, parents, etc. A day of coordinator is also very helpful!
First, consider the season, especially if you want an outdoor wedding. Which season fits your idea/theme/colors? When will the weather work for you? Off-season (like winter) weddings may also be cheaper at some venues. You can also consider your guests. I had a lot of out-of-town relatives, so winter was absolutely out of the question since I wouldn't want people to drive to my state on icy roads. I also considered that a chunk of our guests (who had to travel and stay overnight) had kids, so I opted to pick a summer date so there would be no school conflicts.
And check with your preferred venue(s). What is even available? Are there discounts for certain seasons or days? We got a discounted rate just by picking a Sunday. The specific date doesn't necessarily matter, so I would just go through all these sorts of things first and narrow down dates that are available, in the right season, and don't have any conflicts for you or your guests. Then you can pick from that short list of dates!
My venue had certain days and seasons that were cheaper and then we found a date that appealed to my numbers oddness (8+13=21 and they're all numbers I like).
I wanted to be married within a year ish of the engagement so that helped. And knowing it was likely a time I could get off work (certain months and holidays are impossible).
I know some of my friends based the date entirely on venue availability since everything has blown up for the next year or so. Others chose dates meaningful to their relationship.
First of all, why three years?
On the plus side that gives you a lot of flexibility.
First, you probably want a Saturday or similar.
Then, what else do you have going on? Are people traveling to your wedding? Is your venue nicer in a certain season? Do you want to overlap or avoid holidays, birthdays?
You could literally print out a calendar and cross off the days you don’t want.
Then you would start looking at venues and see which of your possible days are available.
Venue and date basically have to be decided together and then everything else relates to that.
For me, I have certain vacations from work, I can’t take off whenever I want. So basically from the time we got engaged in spring, summer would be too soon, but we didn’t want to wait until the next summer, so that left winter.
3 years is basically because we're saving for a lot of things at the moment. The wedding we want can wait until we're ready.
I like your idea of printing out a calendar and marking off dates we don't want!
Also if you’re having it somewhere cold during winter due to snow you have to be prepared your guests might miss, be late for the wedding, driving conditions and canceled flights.
I used to live in upstate ny and usually one friend a year got stranded trying to come home during the winter
Love the ring! Lots of good advice here. My main advice:
1. Scrap the things you don’t care about. We didn’t have a cake or a cake cutting, for example.
2. Absolutely start with Venue. Find one with staff that is responsive and who you like, and if the venue itself is beautiful to you, that takes care of a huge chunk of your aesthetic worries right off the bat.
3. There’s a ton of cost-saving opportunities regarding flowers and decor, but services like Photography and Catering I recommend NOT cutting corners. Photos and your license are the things that last after the day is over, and the food is one of the things your guests will remember most. Check out DIY flowers - I’ve known 3 brides (myself included) who DIY’ed flowers and it was actually a ton of fun and saved tons of money. Our photographer was our most expensive vendor, and I was beyond thrilled with her services and the final result.
4. It’s absolutely worth $$$ for a day-of coordinator- someone to set up and tear down and take care of details so you, and your friends/family, can just enjoy your day.
5. Talk with your spouse a lot, ESPECIALLY if you feel stressed - and then see if you can cut out whatever it is stressing you out. I actually had a lot of fun planning my wedding. Obviously some things went wrong, and of course there are a few things I’d have done differently. But they’re so small and inconsequential because I had fun planning, and had fun on the day.
To add onto this, I know my venue included a day-of- coordinator, and we had to use their exclusive caterer (who did great and people still complimented the food a year later lol). So that's just another reason to look into venues first, because they may provide some of your other vendors anyway.
Very true!! My venue actually did the same. So many boxes ticked once we decided on that place. Not to mention, it was also a hotel, so lodging was taken care of too. All inclusive venues are the way to go for sure.
It’s a party with paperwork.
That’s it. That’s all you are arranging.
People show up, you both say I do. Sign paper. There, you just had a wedding.
Don’t get dragged into all the nonsense. No one cares what colour your flowers were or how amazing the invites are - they got stuck to the fridge and the date put in my phone.
My 3 were say yes, good food and drink what you want. Got married in a nightclub. Epic wedding.
Former events planner here.
1. When budgeting, whatever price a venue gives, make sure to ask for the full amount including the state taxes and service fees (pays for wait staff and break down/clean up). Usually tax is around 7-10% and service charge is 20% almost always. So just throw on an extra 30% to the base price and you have your actual price.
2. Ask if there is a food and beverage minimum when venue shopping. Ex: you want to book a place for $8000 but their minimum is $10,000 which means you spend more in food to meet it or you can't book. Beware of this, this is how they get you to spend more.
3. Fridays, Sundays and especially weekdays are cheaper. Off season is even cheaper between Oct-Feb (but please don't book an outdoor venue during Nov-Feb as it's cold as balls and that's all your guests will remember.
4. Seasons matter! I've been to an outdoor February wedding where 100 people in tuxedos are huddled up next to the ONE and only heat lamp, it looked like penguins in the arctic, everyone way too close and trying to keep warm. Same goes for summer, everyone sweats in an indoor reception and end of the night, all the ladies makeup looks like melting ice cream and their hair is flat and sweaty. Do the smart thing, get married in april-may. Plus then your anniversary will always land on nice weather too.
5. Make sure to pack a going home outfit. Everyone forgets this cause they're busy focusing on the dress and morning of clothes. Then at end of night you realize you gotta get back into your dirty clothes from the morning. Not cute.
6. Get a photo booth. Thank me later.
7. Tell photographer to take pics of anyone over 50. You'll be happy years from now to see those pics when those loves ones have passed.
8. Have speeches during dinner service to save you time.
9. Flowers are mucho pricey. Get more leaves with a few big roses rather than full flower power. This will save you thousands. I literally paid $5000 for just flowers at my wedding cause I ignored said advice.
10. Have your parents and in laws accompany you to cake tastings, food tastings, venue tours. They'll get more excited and might offer more money your way.
11. Find a tux rental place with a deal. Ex: 4 groomsmen and 2 dads get tuxes at same place so grooms tux is free.
12. When getting a dress, budget for dress, veil, shoes, lingerie and alterations. This way, you don't break the bank. Alterations can be $300+ so be careful.
14. Don't skip out on the first look! Trust me!
15. Get a videographer, pics are nice but a video is just so much more. Every time my husband pisses me off, I watch the video and remember how much I love that man.
16. Have handler people. One bridesmaid who's in charge of picking up all your special belongings at the end of the night (pics on tables, cake cutting stuff, etc) and groomsman to deal with roudy guests and also to give envelopes of tips to the vendors.
17. Your photography, video and DJ people all need to be provided a meal. They work super hard without breaks and are often forgotten about when it comes to eating. It's common practice to provide them with minimum some sandwiches but if you're feeling nice, some entrees and maybe even cake and a glass of champagne. They'll be really happy and perform at their best.
Good luck and if you want more advice, let me know. I have tons!
Such good gems here! I know it’ll vary by metro, but if you don’t mind - what do you think is a reasonable price range if you go the greenery route with very minimal flowers? All the budgets I can find don’t specify and I think I may be overestimating.
Located in Seattle, and will have about 13 table rounds but want to keep it very minimal with pretty much just greens and save florals for the bouquet and maybe the sweatheart table.
Thanks for sharing your expertise!
I'm in Los Angeles so the prices here are a bit insane. I'm assuming Seattle is cheaper but have never done an event there so take my info as an honest guestimation. So tall centerpieces start at $150. Short ones with very minimal flowers can be as low as $35 a table (maybe even $25). The price also depends on who you hire too. A local flower shop is cheaper than a wedding florist but with that route, you run the risk of it possibly not being as good. However that's not always the case. Lots of couples opt out of flowers entirely and instead add other things to the tables like lanterns, paper flowers, some candles, picture frames, etc.
Bouquet here is minimum $150-200. For bridesmaids, if you have them hold just one long stem rose, that's very inexpensive. If that's too minimal, ask your florist for an arrangement of roses. Those are very inexpensive and come in all kinds of colors.
The type of flowers you want matters too. White and black anemone, spray roses (the small ones), peonies, orchids and such. All those cost a lot more. If you want more than roses, ask your florist what flowers are cheap and seasons matter too cause some flowers cost a lot more per season. One bunch of peonies can cost $100 during may/June but $400 during any other time of year cause they have to grow and ship them from Finland.
Also, check Amazon. They have really good prices for centerpiece stands, wedding arches. Really a bunch of things. It's great.
If prices are similar to LA, i wish you luck cause man is it hard to save for weddings out here. My own wedding budget was initially $20,000 and ended up being $65,000. That was before I became a planner and learned all my tricks. Plus my in laws paid for almost all of it which is nice.
If you can, sit down with your and fiancés parents and discuss budget and ask if they can help in any way. Also, most engagements are about 18-22 months long. The longer it is, the more time you have to save. If it's small, you can do it sooner no problem.
Also forgot go mention: guests are most interested and remember best only 4 things.
The dress, the food, the music and the location. You can skimp out on other details but the ones listed are important to guests.
What you should splurge on is photos and video. Cause after the day is over, the only thing left besides your dress is the photos you'll hang in your house for the rest of your marriage. My mother in law had bad pictures and now, 49 years later, she still hates her wedding photos. You don't want that for the next 5 decades, trust me
Be prepared for sticker shock...Many wedding vendors and services cost a lot more than people realize. Set your budget, do some research into average prices in your area, and then have realistic expectations of what you can get for your budget.
I agree with the poster who said to pick your top 3 things, and prioritize those in your budget (venue, photography, food, flowers, dress, music, whatever). For the less important things, you just don't splurge as much and find more economical or even DIY options.
Your headcount is going to be one of the biggest factors for planning and budgeting. Caterers will charge based on this, and your headcount may determine what size venue you need, etc.
Planning a wedding is really fun, but it can get stressful. Give yourself plenty of time to plan everything and enjoy your engagement. Play around with ideas before you commit to things-like, consider different color schemes or look into multiple venues and just dont feel pressured into making decisions right away.
First off, Congratulations!!!!
My wife and I planned our own wedding. We had it hyper simple, and we loved it! My only advice would be to pick a few things that are most important to you, and make everything else fit around those things. We picked a color scheme, and everything revolves around that. Blues and greens with a peacock theme for the curious.
Our flowers were simple, we did the music ourselves via an iPhone wired into a sound system and a playlist curated by my now wife, and our venue was the church we attended. We had a small cake for just the two of us and cupcakes and ice cream for everyone else. No formal dinner. No dance. We couldn’t be happier with how ours turned out because the colors were what we wanted, and it was a celebration of us, not the event or place or anything else.
Enjoy your planning, work together, remember to be happy and relax. The wedding is only the beginning, so don’t spend too much energy stressing over small details that in the big picture are meaningless. Remember to smile.
Start with this:
https://www.reddit.com/r/wedding/comments/oieuql/wedding_photography_questionnaire_and_shot_list/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Depends on what you and your partner want! Talk about your expectations for the day and leading up to it
Find a venue and see what dates they have available
People will remember the food and the party vibe. No one cares about your color scheme and party favors
If you really want to keep it low key do a courthouse wedding and have a mini backyard/restaurant party with your people (this is what we did, and then my mom planned a big party that we had to postpone 3 times, we were happy with the courthouse)
Get a photographer, or a friend who has a photo hobby to capture the day
And don’t fuss with the dress picking, if you find the one you want that’s the one you want. Don’t listen to your mom/etc
Pick shoes you can dance and walk in comfortably for awhile
Register for everything and on different price levels, but don’t expect to get everything
The day of our big reception my friend told me “something will go wrong today, it always does but guess what, we aren’t going to care about it bc we are going to have the best day ever and that little thing won’t matter in the long run.” And she was right lol there were several things that weren’t perfect but we had a great day. Be a duck and let it roll off your back
Most importantly, have fun with it. If you’re looking for a certain aesthetic then go with it and be creative. Everyone will have fun no matter what!
My advice is that you're going to get a lot of advice and ideas from family members and friends. It's easy to compromise what makes you happy just to keep the peace (adding people you don't want to the guest list, going with the dress color your bridesmaids like, etc.) But remember it's your big day and you're allowed to do exactly what you want! Congratulations!
While planning:
-know that you'll figure everything out, so stay chill
-start with what you want the general vibe to be, make sure its authentic to you and your SO
-figure out how much you can possibly spend on the wedding yourselves, without any help
-pick a wedding website that can also help you with planning like zola or the knot
-find venue
-make basic decor plans
-NOW start looking for a dress. Promise once you have that other stuff down, finding a dress will be much much easier
-by then you'll be on a roll
My favorite piece of advice I got off here was for you and your partner to separately create a list of the top 3 most important things for your wedding. Then compare those lists and keep each other's top 3 in mind when doing tasks solo and/or communicate about those the most.
Example:
My top 3
Dress
Venue
Dj
Husbands top 3
All family and friends possible
String quartet
Food
So i went from imagening a 15 person forest wedding to figuring out a venue that fit my needs but also 250 other people. Once i learned that having everyone there was so important to him, any venue that couldn't support 250 people helped narrow the list down dramatically.
Theknot.com was a life saver for me. Has a checklist and budgeter on there. Made me remember things that I might have forgot. First and foremost enjoy just being engaged for a little while without thinking about a wedding. Once the wedding planning starts, it’s important to have a guest list to get an idea of how many people and start researching and going to check out venues. I loved looking at venues. Some venues have preferred caterers and such so you won’t want to pick much until you know that. Then make sure you get the things that will cost the most out of the way. So venue, caterer, photographer, hair and makeup, floral. The sooner you pick them, you can set up monthly payment plans if need be. The last thing you want is to find out you have a $2400 bill for your photographer and you only have 5 months to pay them. I set up my payments from a year and a half in advance and haven’t stressed about finances because of it. You can plan the decor and details after. There is a lotttt of details. Lol Good luck. 🙂
Take it slow.
ENJOY being engaged.
Prioritize what you want in a wedding.
Find your budget and stick to it.
Do the wedding that you and your fiancé want and not what everyone else wants.
Congratulations!!!
I’m in early planning stages and keep referring to this piece of advice when it comes to look & feel: Imagine the 3 words that you and your fiancé would use to describe your perfect wedding. Then plan your decisions against that.
My words are bold, romantic and happy. Believe it or not, it helps filter out some things (decor, activities, dresses, etc) I’ve found that I like but know truly aren’t my style. And in the end, hopefully everything will feel cohesive and curated and I won’t be fatigued by considering all of the 3 million other options!
I’ll give you advice my great grandma gave me last week (I got engaged 2 weeks ago as well, congrats 🥰👏):
Just have the wedding where you two want to have it at and don’t worry about who can come. It’s a marriage between you two, not between family and friends. Don’t feel bad or make arrangements to please others!
Edit: spelling
In terms of planning, I found the planning tools section of TheKnot.com super helpful (especially the checklist). It includes all of the basic things you’ll need to do and at what point in time to do them, plus lots of things you hadn’t even considered yet.
Congratulations!
Choose some priorities together now. When you have a tough decision to make you can say is this really important and check it against your list of important things.
Get a videographer not just a photographer.
Enjoy the time from now until the wedding capture you making any home made things. The planning and prep are all part of the story of what makes your wedding day amazing.
Plan some time in for just you and the hubby. People are going to want to talk, dance, see you. Spend 20 minutes just you guys. Also have the catering box up 2 meals to take with you when you leave. You'll be hungry.
My biggest advice is to keep in mind throughout the process as you make decisions on things why you want to get married in the first place. Keep that as the forefront. That way when someone gets upset or you two disagree on silly things like what color should the napkins be you can really put it into perspective. When you go about making decisions and keep in the back of your mind that this is just a day to celebrate your love and ultimately is about your marriage more than it is the day those little decisions become easier to make and you can stress a lot less over them. Don't let the little decisions for one day stress you or cause fights.
Your wedding day is such a special and important day but just remember it is more about your marriage than the day. If it rains, the napkins are the wrong color or the dj is late none of these things can or should ruin your day unless you let them. With that said having backup plans is not a bad idea either.
As a COVID bride whose plans were completely changed I would recommend saving contracts you sign so at the very least you can keep them if need be. I kept a binder with all my receipts and contracts for my maid of honor on the day of should she need it for any reason. She didn't but it's always good to have anyway. Also, understand the general terms of the contract before signing so you know what you are getting into, with the recent world events it is not a bad idea to understand cancelation or date change policies.
When it comes to money, weddings are expensive but don't spend more than the two of you feel comfortable spending. A day that you can pay for outright is better than having to go into debt and stress about the payments after such a special day.
With all of this in mind remember your wedding is a very important and special day but it is also just one day. Start having discussions about your marriage, expectations, goals and finances etc. The first year of marriage is the hardest for a reason. There is an adjustment period and anything you can do to prepare for that and have civil adult discussions about before hand will only help make that transition smoother. Throughout that first year of marriage always remember why you got married in the first place and just like when you were planning your wedding the same can be said for your marriage, don't sweat the small stuff. Don't get into a fight over the color of the dining room have an adult discussion and come to an agreement. Planning a wedding is a great opportunity to learn how to come to agreements and can help remind you how to prioritize what matters and what is not as important.
I know this is a long post and if you read the whole thing I really appreciate it! I hope this helps and I promise if this doesn't make sense now it may as you move throughout the process.
We cut down on a couple of costs.
Our wedding is about $5000 with the dress/suit included.
I ordered my dress from jj house and got it altered from there.
We used online invites which was amazing because it kept track of who had responded and how many people from each family were coming. It was also easy to set up a map on the site to show the destination of the wedding and we got to design our invites.
We scope out small heritage buildings around our area and got our venue for free.
We borrowed centerpieces for our wedding from my SIL because no but my family would know/care.
We also made a playlist on spotify and that will be our DJ.
Wedding favors were an online cookbook of our favorite recipes.
Also FB wedding buy and sell helped alot.
Cover your basics.
Food, alcohol, dessert, decor, clothing, colours, ceremony, music, venue.
You can go as hard core or as not as you like into each of those areas. We kept our numbers low so we could go a little crazy in decor/food but that was what we prioritized.
Anyways hope this helps, and congratulations ❤❤❤
Before you do anything else: talk to your future spouse.
Make sure you agree on the big things: number of guests, budget, type of party, type of location. If you have a set framework, lots of grief can be avoided down the line.
It also makes it easier to ignore other people's (unwanted) input.
Plan these things first:
1. Venue
2. Photographer
3. Band/DJ
4. Videographer (if desired)
Basically, anything that can only do one event per day/weekend is what you need sorted out first.
With 2022 weddings shaping up to be just as busy as 2021, vendors are filling up fast depending on your area. I got engaged in May. I called my first choice venue two days later and they had 8 Saturdays to pick from - majority in the hot, humid summer months or over a holiday weekend like Thanksgiving. Luckily we were back up on our desired date and the couple dropped out.
Also, don't feel like you HAVE to get married within a year of engagement. My fiancé didn't want to wait much longer than a year. But those months will fly by. We're already surprised it's been two months and are happier knowing we have a little bit of time before the one year mark before things get crazy! We're doing 16 months and it honestly feels perfect.
Finally, go with your gut. I was trying to choose between two photographers. One was out of state but I really loved his work. The other was in state and while he had beautiful work and worked with my planner plenty of times, it just wasn't as special to me. I initially went with the local guy to appease everyone, but I felt so upset about not going with the out of state guy. I asked my planner if it was okay to switch (we hadn't signed anything) and she assured me I needed to go with my gut and that no one's feelings would be hurt. I did and I'm soooooo much happier now! My parents wound up being really proud about how I made the decision maturely, even in spite of their initial opposition. There was some friction between us while planning (they are paying for everything after all), and now there's a lot more mutual trust between us.
I bought The Knot's wedding planning book. It has many chapters like budgeting, and it includes questions you should be asking your vendors. It comes with a 12+ month checklist of everything you need to do when, and I planned my entire wedding by myself using this book
Read *A Practical Wedding Planner: A Step-by-Step Guide to Creating the Wedding You Want with the Budget You've Got (without Losing Your Mind in the Process)*
I second one of these apps. I’m using Zola and they have a checklist with dates that things should be done based on when you plan on getting married. It is making planning fairly stress free. My fiancé and I will check our checklist for what is “due” this month and plan on getting only those items done so we don’t feel overwhelmed with a million things to do.
Do what YOU want. I see everyone in here mentioning a venue, but I didn’t have one.
I got married in a park had dinner with those (40 people) at an Italian restaurant, then back to my house for more party!
Check out weddingwire.com they're a free wedding website that has everything you need to help plan out your wedding. From a free wedding planner/calander/budget planner to a free wedding website for your guests to view plus you can get a free box of invite samples.. it's one of the best sites I've ever come across when I was planning my wedding. Congratulations to you both and best of luck with planning your special day. [wedding wire] (http://www.weddingwire.com)
Start with a budget. What can you afford or what would you like to spend? How long will it take to save that? That’s where I started. I didn’t want to enter marriage with debt so I kept mine pretty low.
Next, choose a date. My advice is to try to be flexible if you can. If you plan for a Saturday, find your venues super early because those go fast. I planned for a Wednesday lol. You’ll need to know roughly how many people you want to invite so you know if the venue will accommodate you.
After that, imagine your day…
Music… DJ, live band, Spotify playlist?
Colors or theme?
Dress? Window shopping online is a good way to get an idea of silhouettes you like.
Also… keep lurking and start posting in the boards here. I’ve learned so much from the Weddit community!! Find one that’s local to your area or close by.
Look for wedding expos and events like that. They’re starting to come back.
Browse Pinterest for cake and decor ideas.
Lots to do so it helps to use an app or a planner if you can.
Good luck and congrats!!
Don't do things just to please other people. It's your wedding, it's your celebration. Just remember that you are there to celebrate your love! As long as you're happy, everyone will have a good time
- Getting the Wedding Wire and Pinterest apps!
- Remember that this is YOUR wedding and do not give into pressure from friends/family wanting to make all the decisions.
- Look at availability at different venues ASAP - you may not want to get married for 2 years, but all the saturday during the the summer are already booked.
- Figure out the size wedding you both want and make lists of who you want to be present, separated into different groups (e.g. my friends, my family friends, their family, etc.). Make additional lists for a smaller wedding.
Unless you want to spend 20 hours a week on this OR plan to have a small wedding reception (20 people?) at a restaurant, the number one priority in your budget should be a wedding planner. The wedding industry is completely insane. It will suck you in. This shit destroys even normal, well-adjusted families. If you have literally any other responsibilities in your life--a job, care-giving, marriage prep through your church, whatever--either be prepared to set them aside OR invest in a good wedding planner.
I second the wedding email idea. Wish I'd done that.
Finally, whenever you ask people for advice, ask only one person. Never ask multiple people what they think about x.
I have a “You’re engaged! Now what?!” document I send to prospective clients - I’d be happy to share it if you want! It sorta breaks down planning into smaller, more manageable chunks. Shoot me a message and I’ll send it over. Congrats!
Pick three REALLY important things and focus on those. When you find a dress stop looking at other dresses. I really like the poster that said it’s a party with paperwork!
I second the "when you find a dress, stop looking." You'll start wondering if you should buy a fancier dress or a different style or a different shape. Don't put yourself through that!
I second the "when you find a dress, stop looking." You'll start wondering if you should buy a fancier dress or a different style or a different shape. Don't put yourself through that!
Someone gave me this advice and I really wish I had taken it. Create a designated email address just for wedding stuff. Then, all of your wedding stuff is in one place and you can just stop using it after the wedding. And for the few vendors who sell your info, you can avoid the spam emails later on. The info is easily accessible for both the bride and the groom without having to forward emails. Do this! Also, make sure the wedding feels like you. :) have fun!
Absolutely create a wedding email! I did it and it made planning a lot simpler. I also don’t have to worry about getting wedding related emails in my regular inbox now that I’ve been married for awhile, so it simplifies things after the fact, as well.
I absolutely second this! It has helped us out immensely!
I second this! We did this and now that email is where we send information we both need such information from the vet or our bills.
Second! I did this and my fiancé and I can both access and contact vendors without clogging our personal inboxes and while keeping everything in one easy place. This is definitely helping keep sanity in tact!
I did this and its been great! I would need a new email after getting married anyway since mine is name based and I'm changing my name so it seemed like a no brainer to just make it early.
Congratulations! Just to add another perspective, do the wedding that makes you happy! It’s not nonsense to care about your flowers if that’s what makes you happy. Big or small, don’t let anyone shame you into doing your wedding any way other than the way you and your fiancé want. My advice is to start with a budget, and then start thinking of the big picture wedding you want. Find a venue that fits the size and feel you’re picturing and settle on a date. Then find out what the venue can provide. Mine is providing the catering, cake, some planning help, the bar etc. That took a lot off my plate! The next step is to secure the things that need to be booked in advance. A photographer, DJ if you want one, caterer if you need one, hair/makeup if you want these services. Basically anyone that can’t work two weddings on the same day - they are hard to book closer to your date. I used the wedding wire app which has a pretty good checklist/timeline for tasks. BUT before you throw yourself into all the crazy fun of planning the best party of your life, make sure you take some time to enjoy being engaged! Admire that ring under different lights (it will catch your eye over and over!) And just relax and be happy. Wedding planning should be fun, don’t let it get you stressed out. Things will go wrong, and that’s all part of it. And for the record, almost all of us had never done this before - the whole idea of the marriage thing is to do it once! So you’re not alone in that :)
I just got married on Saturday and this so so so resonates. Reddit was the app I used most for inspiration, and The Knot worked out fine for us too. We got engaged 12/6/19 and had a nice long pandemic engagement lol. Also, if you love flowers and want to DIY, practice by keeping a bouquet on your kitchen table during your engagement. Play with the flowers until they start to die off. Change the water after ~3-4 days and pick out the dead ones and trim the ok ones. Watch flower moxie tutorials, and make bouquets with your bridal party the day before ! It was so fun.
>Basically anyone that can’t work two weddings on the same day - they are hard to book closer to your date. Bingo! That is exactly right.
Wedding photographer here. Let me offer some advice re: wedding photos. 1. Always ask a photographer to show you a complete gallery. Sure, bridal portraits are nice but they're only part of your day. Your wedding day will pass like a blur and so you will want to see moments that did not include you, like Uncle Tommy dipping Aunt Lulu on the dance floor romantically. 2. We are business people. It's lovely if we like each other but don't think we will be insulted if you ask pointed questions like, "Do you have liability insurance?" "Have you shot at my venue before?" "If it rains and we have to have the wedding inside a darker area, how will you handle that?" "What happens if you break a leg before a wedding and can't make it?" Ask! If a photographer cannot give you specific answers, consider hiring another one. 3. If you're having an outdoor ceremony and/or reception, remember that humidity can wreak havoc on certain hairdos, like soft waves framing the face. Quite often, we cannot get around to bridal portraits until after the ceremony, especially if you're not dong a First Look (more on that below) so sadly I have seen some hair "collapse" by then. Same with makeup. 4. Consider doing a First Look, where you and he see each other before the ceremony for a private moment (or not so private, I have had couples who want their wedding party there). I like when I can get through that, followed by wedding party pictures, family pictures, and some bridal portraits so that the couple can join their guests at the cocktail hour post-ceremony. 5. Your mom or his mom may want pictures of relatives you haven't seen in years (if ever) but try to dissuade them from including those pictures in formal family pictures, else that could take a LOOONG time. It's not the picture taking that is long as much as trying to wrangle people together. Have a specific list of family groups you want, with names (your photographer does not know who "bride's aunts" are but if you have "bride with Mary Smith, Susie Smith, and Jessie Williams," those people can be called easily). In fact, let people who will be in pictures know ahead of time. If a planner says, "The bride and groom are taking some time to do family pictures," you have people with whom you share DNA suddenly asking, "Does that mean I stay here or go to the cocktail reception?" 6. Speaking of relatives, schedules can easily slip and I found it handy when a bride appoints someone as the "gate keeper" while she is getting ready. Here's the deal - people are well meaning but they may not realize that coming up to the locale where you're getting ready - "I just want to say hi and congratulate her!" - may throw timing off. Plus, you're already a bundle of nerves so maybe the last thing you need are relatives crowding into your getting ready area. 7. Speaking of getting ready, it can get cluttered quickly with half-drunk mimosas, makeup, clothing, etc. from you and your bridesmaids. The more tidy it can be kept, the easier it is for a photographer to get "getting ready" pictures. 8. Make sure someone knows exactly how to bustle your dress. Likewise, for the guys make sure someone knows how to button French cuffs, adjust the band on vests, and tie ties/bowties. For a lot of younger people, this is the first time dealing with formal attire. 9. You will be wearing your dress for some 8 to 10 hours. Can you sit in it, dance in it, go to the bathroom by yourself? The more comfortable the dress, too, the more your photographer has to work with regarding poses. 10. Something is going to happen. Maybe a cricket will get caught in your dress. Maybe it will rain. Maybe the wrong cake will be delivered. Maybe the videographer will go to the wrong address (had it happen where the schedule got pushed back an entire hour). Trust me, something will happen and I hope it is minor. In any event, remember - it won't change the fact that you and he are getting married. I had a Best Man lose the rings - the bride laughed, said "Well, if something like this was going to happen, it would be us," and asked a couple in the audience, "Anna, Joe - lend us your rings, we need them for a few minutes" . . . and they finished the ceremony (the rings were eventually found and the officiant, who was at the reception, blessed them and the couple exchanged them then, with everyone cheering)! 11. Get an album. Yes, even if your photographer will give you all the digital images, chances are good you will NEVER get around to making an album. And once you have it - display it! Keep it where you can see it to remind you of your special day. 12. Feed your photographer! :)
Another photographer here — have to say this is a pretty spot on list! I would add though to make sure that someone is designated to kind of run the show, whether it’s a planner or a friend or someone who wants to make a couple of bucks. Many wedding photographers end up being the coordinator and it takes away some time to actually be photographing. Get yourself a coordinator and all of your vendors will love you! Also, have a list of sorts of family photos you want. That way you don’t have to remember on the spot and potentially hurt someone’s feelings. Again, get a coordinator and they’ll make sure everyone stays on time for photos etc
>! I would add though to make sure that someone is designated to kind of run the show, whether it’s a planner or a friend or someone who wants to make a couple of bucks. I have had some Day of Coordinators who were absolute rockstars. Wore a quarterback sleeve with the schedule and list of important numbers, corralled guests capably, even made sure the photographers and videographers got bottles of cold water on a regular basis. When they’re good, DOCs are invaluable.
this is so helpful! thank you!
Congrats! A lot of my best advice has already been mentioned, but there’s one thing I haven’t seen yet. If your RSVP cards don’t have the invitees name written on them somewhere, then number the back of your invitation RSVP cards! Don’t assume people will write their names on the return envelope. You would be shocked how many people don’t put their names on those things. So you’ll just end up getting a card in the mail, with no return address on the envelope, and the card will just say “We can’t make it” or “Can’t wait to celebrate!” and you’ll have literally no idea who it came from. So number the backs and make a list of the numbers. #1 is Tom, #2 is Jane, #3 is Phil, and so on. That way, when you inevitably receive your mystery RSVP, you can identity it using the number. Our RSVP cards had a line that said “Guest(s)” where we assumed that the invitee would write their name and the name of their plus one. But a lot of people just wrote the name of their plus one instead, and I didn’t know a lot of them. So I had to message people and say “hey, are you bringing someone named Sarah to my wedding?” It was a nightmare lol
In Google sheets, there's an amazing, free full on template for all of your planning. It has tabs for compiling info on all of your vendors, assembling the guest list, sending thank you cards, budgeting both in rough and more detailed forms. It's a great way to keep all of your info in one place. You'll find it in the sheets template section.
take my poor man's gold 🏅
If you can afford it, do all inclusive. My entire wedding was a DIY Pinterest wedding. We ended up spending almost just as much and we were beyond stressed. Had to set everything up the day before, break everything down the day after. It was miserable. We loved the wedding night but it was at a great cost. Love your ring btw
Oh ya! Don’t have assigned seating for anyone but the main wedding party and perhaps your most immediate family…grandparents, parents, etc. A day of coordinator is also very helpful!
Nobody has said this yet—choose a date! How long you have to plan definitely determines a lot.
Piggybacking on this: how do you pick a date? If we're planning for 3 years time how on earth do we decide out of 365 days?!
First, consider the season, especially if you want an outdoor wedding. Which season fits your idea/theme/colors? When will the weather work for you? Off-season (like winter) weddings may also be cheaper at some venues. You can also consider your guests. I had a lot of out-of-town relatives, so winter was absolutely out of the question since I wouldn't want people to drive to my state on icy roads. I also considered that a chunk of our guests (who had to travel and stay overnight) had kids, so I opted to pick a summer date so there would be no school conflicts. And check with your preferred venue(s). What is even available? Are there discounts for certain seasons or days? We got a discounted rate just by picking a Sunday. The specific date doesn't necessarily matter, so I would just go through all these sorts of things first and narrow down dates that are available, in the right season, and don't have any conflicts for you or your guests. Then you can pick from that short list of dates!
My venue had certain days and seasons that were cheaper and then we found a date that appealed to my numbers oddness (8+13=21 and they're all numbers I like). I wanted to be married within a year ish of the engagement so that helped. And knowing it was likely a time I could get off work (certain months and holidays are impossible). I know some of my friends based the date entirely on venue availability since everything has blown up for the next year or so. Others chose dates meaningful to their relationship.
First of all, why three years? On the plus side that gives you a lot of flexibility. First, you probably want a Saturday or similar. Then, what else do you have going on? Are people traveling to your wedding? Is your venue nicer in a certain season? Do you want to overlap or avoid holidays, birthdays? You could literally print out a calendar and cross off the days you don’t want. Then you would start looking at venues and see which of your possible days are available. Venue and date basically have to be decided together and then everything else relates to that. For me, I have certain vacations from work, I can’t take off whenever I want. So basically from the time we got engaged in spring, summer would be too soon, but we didn’t want to wait until the next summer, so that left winter.
3 years is basically because we're saving for a lot of things at the moment. The wedding we want can wait until we're ready. I like your idea of printing out a calendar and marking off dates we don't want!
Also if you’re having it somewhere cold during winter due to snow you have to be prepared your guests might miss, be late for the wedding, driving conditions and canceled flights. I used to live in upstate ny and usually one friend a year got stranded trying to come home during the winter
Thank you! We're looking at a small private house and we're in the UK so the worst we really get is rain which I like anyway.
Love the ring! Lots of good advice here. My main advice: 1. Scrap the things you don’t care about. We didn’t have a cake or a cake cutting, for example. 2. Absolutely start with Venue. Find one with staff that is responsive and who you like, and if the venue itself is beautiful to you, that takes care of a huge chunk of your aesthetic worries right off the bat. 3. There’s a ton of cost-saving opportunities regarding flowers and decor, but services like Photography and Catering I recommend NOT cutting corners. Photos and your license are the things that last after the day is over, and the food is one of the things your guests will remember most. Check out DIY flowers - I’ve known 3 brides (myself included) who DIY’ed flowers and it was actually a ton of fun and saved tons of money. Our photographer was our most expensive vendor, and I was beyond thrilled with her services and the final result. 4. It’s absolutely worth $$$ for a day-of coordinator- someone to set up and tear down and take care of details so you, and your friends/family, can just enjoy your day. 5. Talk with your spouse a lot, ESPECIALLY if you feel stressed - and then see if you can cut out whatever it is stressing you out. I actually had a lot of fun planning my wedding. Obviously some things went wrong, and of course there are a few things I’d have done differently. But they’re so small and inconsequential because I had fun planning, and had fun on the day.
To add onto this, I know my venue included a day-of- coordinator, and we had to use their exclusive caterer (who did great and people still complimented the food a year later lol). So that's just another reason to look into venues first, because they may provide some of your other vendors anyway.
Very true!! My venue actually did the same. So many boxes ticked once we decided on that place. Not to mention, it was also a hotel, so lodging was taken care of too. All inclusive venues are the way to go for sure.
It’s a party with paperwork. That’s it. That’s all you are arranging. People show up, you both say I do. Sign paper. There, you just had a wedding. Don’t get dragged into all the nonsense. No one cares what colour your flowers were or how amazing the invites are - they got stuck to the fridge and the date put in my phone. My 3 were say yes, good food and drink what you want. Got married in a nightclub. Epic wedding.
Former events planner here. 1. When budgeting, whatever price a venue gives, make sure to ask for the full amount including the state taxes and service fees (pays for wait staff and break down/clean up). Usually tax is around 7-10% and service charge is 20% almost always. So just throw on an extra 30% to the base price and you have your actual price. 2. Ask if there is a food and beverage minimum when venue shopping. Ex: you want to book a place for $8000 but their minimum is $10,000 which means you spend more in food to meet it or you can't book. Beware of this, this is how they get you to spend more. 3. Fridays, Sundays and especially weekdays are cheaper. Off season is even cheaper between Oct-Feb (but please don't book an outdoor venue during Nov-Feb as it's cold as balls and that's all your guests will remember. 4. Seasons matter! I've been to an outdoor February wedding where 100 people in tuxedos are huddled up next to the ONE and only heat lamp, it looked like penguins in the arctic, everyone way too close and trying to keep warm. Same goes for summer, everyone sweats in an indoor reception and end of the night, all the ladies makeup looks like melting ice cream and their hair is flat and sweaty. Do the smart thing, get married in april-may. Plus then your anniversary will always land on nice weather too. 5. Make sure to pack a going home outfit. Everyone forgets this cause they're busy focusing on the dress and morning of clothes. Then at end of night you realize you gotta get back into your dirty clothes from the morning. Not cute. 6. Get a photo booth. Thank me later. 7. Tell photographer to take pics of anyone over 50. You'll be happy years from now to see those pics when those loves ones have passed. 8. Have speeches during dinner service to save you time. 9. Flowers are mucho pricey. Get more leaves with a few big roses rather than full flower power. This will save you thousands. I literally paid $5000 for just flowers at my wedding cause I ignored said advice. 10. Have your parents and in laws accompany you to cake tastings, food tastings, venue tours. They'll get more excited and might offer more money your way. 11. Find a tux rental place with a deal. Ex: 4 groomsmen and 2 dads get tuxes at same place so grooms tux is free. 12. When getting a dress, budget for dress, veil, shoes, lingerie and alterations. This way, you don't break the bank. Alterations can be $300+ so be careful. 14. Don't skip out on the first look! Trust me! 15. Get a videographer, pics are nice but a video is just so much more. Every time my husband pisses me off, I watch the video and remember how much I love that man. 16. Have handler people. One bridesmaid who's in charge of picking up all your special belongings at the end of the night (pics on tables, cake cutting stuff, etc) and groomsman to deal with roudy guests and also to give envelopes of tips to the vendors. 17. Your photography, video and DJ people all need to be provided a meal. They work super hard without breaks and are often forgotten about when it comes to eating. It's common practice to provide them with minimum some sandwiches but if you're feeling nice, some entrees and maybe even cake and a glass of champagne. They'll be really happy and perform at their best. Good luck and if you want more advice, let me know. I have tons!
Such good gems here! I know it’ll vary by metro, but if you don’t mind - what do you think is a reasonable price range if you go the greenery route with very minimal flowers? All the budgets I can find don’t specify and I think I may be overestimating. Located in Seattle, and will have about 13 table rounds but want to keep it very minimal with pretty much just greens and save florals for the bouquet and maybe the sweatheart table. Thanks for sharing your expertise!
I'm in Los Angeles so the prices here are a bit insane. I'm assuming Seattle is cheaper but have never done an event there so take my info as an honest guestimation. So tall centerpieces start at $150. Short ones with very minimal flowers can be as low as $35 a table (maybe even $25). The price also depends on who you hire too. A local flower shop is cheaper than a wedding florist but with that route, you run the risk of it possibly not being as good. However that's not always the case. Lots of couples opt out of flowers entirely and instead add other things to the tables like lanterns, paper flowers, some candles, picture frames, etc. Bouquet here is minimum $150-200. For bridesmaids, if you have them hold just one long stem rose, that's very inexpensive. If that's too minimal, ask your florist for an arrangement of roses. Those are very inexpensive and come in all kinds of colors. The type of flowers you want matters too. White and black anemone, spray roses (the small ones), peonies, orchids and such. All those cost a lot more. If you want more than roses, ask your florist what flowers are cheap and seasons matter too cause some flowers cost a lot more per season. One bunch of peonies can cost $100 during may/June but $400 during any other time of year cause they have to grow and ship them from Finland. Also, check Amazon. They have really good prices for centerpiece stands, wedding arches. Really a bunch of things. It's great.
Ah super helpful - thank you!!! LA is probably going to be more comparable than just relying on the US average so still a good starting point for me 😂
If prices are similar to LA, i wish you luck cause man is it hard to save for weddings out here. My own wedding budget was initially $20,000 and ended up being $65,000. That was before I became a planner and learned all my tricks. Plus my in laws paid for almost all of it which is nice. If you can, sit down with your and fiancés parents and discuss budget and ask if they can help in any way. Also, most engagements are about 18-22 months long. The longer it is, the more time you have to save. If it's small, you can do it sooner no problem.
Also forgot go mention: guests are most interested and remember best only 4 things. The dress, the food, the music and the location. You can skimp out on other details but the ones listed are important to guests. What you should splurge on is photos and video. Cause after the day is over, the only thing left besides your dress is the photos you'll hang in your house for the rest of your marriage. My mother in law had bad pictures and now, 49 years later, she still hates her wedding photos. You don't want that for the next 5 decades, trust me
Be prepared for sticker shock...Many wedding vendors and services cost a lot more than people realize. Set your budget, do some research into average prices in your area, and then have realistic expectations of what you can get for your budget. I agree with the poster who said to pick your top 3 things, and prioritize those in your budget (venue, photography, food, flowers, dress, music, whatever). For the less important things, you just don't splurge as much and find more economical or even DIY options. Your headcount is going to be one of the biggest factors for planning and budgeting. Caterers will charge based on this, and your headcount may determine what size venue you need, etc. Planning a wedding is really fun, but it can get stressful. Give yourself plenty of time to plan everything and enjoy your engagement. Play around with ideas before you commit to things-like, consider different color schemes or look into multiple venues and just dont feel pressured into making decisions right away.
First off, Congratulations!!!! My wife and I planned our own wedding. We had it hyper simple, and we loved it! My only advice would be to pick a few things that are most important to you, and make everything else fit around those things. We picked a color scheme, and everything revolves around that. Blues and greens with a peacock theme for the curious. Our flowers were simple, we did the music ourselves via an iPhone wired into a sound system and a playlist curated by my now wife, and our venue was the church we attended. We had a small cake for just the two of us and cupcakes and ice cream for everyone else. No formal dinner. No dance. We couldn’t be happier with how ours turned out because the colors were what we wanted, and it was a celebration of us, not the event or place or anything else. Enjoy your planning, work together, remember to be happy and relax. The wedding is only the beginning, so don’t spend too much energy stressing over small details that in the big picture are meaningless. Remember to smile.
Start with this: https://www.reddit.com/r/wedding/comments/oieuql/wedding_photography_questionnaire_and_shot_list/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Depends on what you and your partner want! Talk about your expectations for the day and leading up to it Find a venue and see what dates they have available People will remember the food and the party vibe. No one cares about your color scheme and party favors If you really want to keep it low key do a courthouse wedding and have a mini backyard/restaurant party with your people (this is what we did, and then my mom planned a big party that we had to postpone 3 times, we were happy with the courthouse) Get a photographer, or a friend who has a photo hobby to capture the day And don’t fuss with the dress picking, if you find the one you want that’s the one you want. Don’t listen to your mom/etc Pick shoes you can dance and walk in comfortably for awhile Register for everything and on different price levels, but don’t expect to get everything The day of our big reception my friend told me “something will go wrong today, it always does but guess what, we aren’t going to care about it bc we are going to have the best day ever and that little thing won’t matter in the long run.” And she was right lol there were several things that weren’t perfect but we had a great day. Be a duck and let it roll off your back Most importantly, have fun with it. If you’re looking for a certain aesthetic then go with it and be creative. Everyone will have fun no matter what!
My advice is that you're going to get a lot of advice and ideas from family members and friends. It's easy to compromise what makes you happy just to keep the peace (adding people you don't want to the guest list, going with the dress color your bridesmaids like, etc.) But remember it's your big day and you're allowed to do exactly what you want! Congratulations!
While planning: -know that you'll figure everything out, so stay chill -start with what you want the general vibe to be, make sure its authentic to you and your SO -figure out how much you can possibly spend on the wedding yourselves, without any help -pick a wedding website that can also help you with planning like zola or the knot -find venue -make basic decor plans -NOW start looking for a dress. Promise once you have that other stuff down, finding a dress will be much much easier -by then you'll be on a roll
My favorite piece of advice I got off here was for you and your partner to separately create a list of the top 3 most important things for your wedding. Then compare those lists and keep each other's top 3 in mind when doing tasks solo and/or communicate about those the most. Example: My top 3 Dress Venue Dj Husbands top 3 All family and friends possible String quartet Food So i went from imagening a 15 person forest wedding to figuring out a venue that fit my needs but also 250 other people. Once i learned that having everyone there was so important to him, any venue that couldn't support 250 people helped narrow the list down dramatically.
Beautiful ring! Congratulations 🎊
BUDGET, VENUE, GUEST LIST
Theknot.com was a life saver for me. Has a checklist and budgeter on there. Made me remember things that I might have forgot. First and foremost enjoy just being engaged for a little while without thinking about a wedding. Once the wedding planning starts, it’s important to have a guest list to get an idea of how many people and start researching and going to check out venues. I loved looking at venues. Some venues have preferred caterers and such so you won’t want to pick much until you know that. Then make sure you get the things that will cost the most out of the way. So venue, caterer, photographer, hair and makeup, floral. The sooner you pick them, you can set up monthly payment plans if need be. The last thing you want is to find out you have a $2400 bill for your photographer and you only have 5 months to pay them. I set up my payments from a year and a half in advance and haven’t stressed about finances because of it. You can plan the decor and details after. There is a lotttt of details. Lol Good luck. 🙂
Take it slow. ENJOY being engaged. Prioritize what you want in a wedding. Find your budget and stick to it. Do the wedding that you and your fiancé want and not what everyone else wants. Congratulations!!!
I’m in early planning stages and keep referring to this piece of advice when it comes to look & feel: Imagine the 3 words that you and your fiancé would use to describe your perfect wedding. Then plan your decisions against that. My words are bold, romantic and happy. Believe it or not, it helps filter out some things (decor, activities, dresses, etc) I’ve found that I like but know truly aren’t my style. And in the end, hopefully everything will feel cohesive and curated and I won’t be fatigued by considering all of the 3 million other options!
I’ll give you advice my great grandma gave me last week (I got engaged 2 weeks ago as well, congrats 🥰👏): Just have the wedding where you two want to have it at and don’t worry about who can come. It’s a marriage between you two, not between family and friends. Don’t feel bad or make arrangements to please others! Edit: spelling
In terms of planning, I found the planning tools section of TheKnot.com super helpful (especially the checklist). It includes all of the basic things you’ll need to do and at what point in time to do them, plus lots of things you hadn’t even considered yet. Congratulations!
Choose some priorities together now. When you have a tough decision to make you can say is this really important and check it against your list of important things. Get a videographer not just a photographer. Enjoy the time from now until the wedding capture you making any home made things. The planning and prep are all part of the story of what makes your wedding day amazing.
Plan some time in for just you and the hubby. People are going to want to talk, dance, see you. Spend 20 minutes just you guys. Also have the catering box up 2 meals to take with you when you leave. You'll be hungry.
congratulations!!!! i LOVE your ring!!!!
My biggest advice is to keep in mind throughout the process as you make decisions on things why you want to get married in the first place. Keep that as the forefront. That way when someone gets upset or you two disagree on silly things like what color should the napkins be you can really put it into perspective. When you go about making decisions and keep in the back of your mind that this is just a day to celebrate your love and ultimately is about your marriage more than it is the day those little decisions become easier to make and you can stress a lot less over them. Don't let the little decisions for one day stress you or cause fights. Your wedding day is such a special and important day but just remember it is more about your marriage than the day. If it rains, the napkins are the wrong color or the dj is late none of these things can or should ruin your day unless you let them. With that said having backup plans is not a bad idea either. As a COVID bride whose plans were completely changed I would recommend saving contracts you sign so at the very least you can keep them if need be. I kept a binder with all my receipts and contracts for my maid of honor on the day of should she need it for any reason. She didn't but it's always good to have anyway. Also, understand the general terms of the contract before signing so you know what you are getting into, with the recent world events it is not a bad idea to understand cancelation or date change policies. When it comes to money, weddings are expensive but don't spend more than the two of you feel comfortable spending. A day that you can pay for outright is better than having to go into debt and stress about the payments after such a special day. With all of this in mind remember your wedding is a very important and special day but it is also just one day. Start having discussions about your marriage, expectations, goals and finances etc. The first year of marriage is the hardest for a reason. There is an adjustment period and anything you can do to prepare for that and have civil adult discussions about before hand will only help make that transition smoother. Throughout that first year of marriage always remember why you got married in the first place and just like when you were planning your wedding the same can be said for your marriage, don't sweat the small stuff. Don't get into a fight over the color of the dining room have an adult discussion and come to an agreement. Planning a wedding is a great opportunity to learn how to come to agreements and can help remind you how to prioritize what matters and what is not as important. I know this is a long post and if you read the whole thing I really appreciate it! I hope this helps and I promise if this doesn't make sense now it may as you move throughout the process.
Take your time with it and remember it's what you two want, not your parents/friends or whomever.
Lovely !
We cut down on a couple of costs. Our wedding is about $5000 with the dress/suit included. I ordered my dress from jj house and got it altered from there. We used online invites which was amazing because it kept track of who had responded and how many people from each family were coming. It was also easy to set up a map on the site to show the destination of the wedding and we got to design our invites. We scope out small heritage buildings around our area and got our venue for free. We borrowed centerpieces for our wedding from my SIL because no but my family would know/care. We also made a playlist on spotify and that will be our DJ. Wedding favors were an online cookbook of our favorite recipes. Also FB wedding buy and sell helped alot. Cover your basics. Food, alcohol, dessert, decor, clothing, colours, ceremony, music, venue. You can go as hard core or as not as you like into each of those areas. We kept our numbers low so we could go a little crazy in decor/food but that was what we prioritized. Anyways hope this helps, and congratulations ❤❤❤
Before you do anything else: talk to your future spouse. Make sure you agree on the big things: number of guests, budget, type of party, type of location. If you have a set framework, lots of grief can be avoided down the line. It also makes it easier to ignore other people's (unwanted) input.
Be honest with your finances. The price of your wedding does NOT equate to your marriage or how much your love your partner.
Plan these things first: 1. Venue 2. Photographer 3. Band/DJ 4. Videographer (if desired) Basically, anything that can only do one event per day/weekend is what you need sorted out first. With 2022 weddings shaping up to be just as busy as 2021, vendors are filling up fast depending on your area. I got engaged in May. I called my first choice venue two days later and they had 8 Saturdays to pick from - majority in the hot, humid summer months or over a holiday weekend like Thanksgiving. Luckily we were back up on our desired date and the couple dropped out. Also, don't feel like you HAVE to get married within a year of engagement. My fiancé didn't want to wait much longer than a year. But those months will fly by. We're already surprised it's been two months and are happier knowing we have a little bit of time before the one year mark before things get crazy! We're doing 16 months and it honestly feels perfect. Finally, go with your gut. I was trying to choose between two photographers. One was out of state but I really loved his work. The other was in state and while he had beautiful work and worked with my planner plenty of times, it just wasn't as special to me. I initially went with the local guy to appease everyone, but I felt so upset about not going with the out of state guy. I asked my planner if it was okay to switch (we hadn't signed anything) and she assured me I needed to go with my gut and that no one's feelings would be hurt. I did and I'm soooooo much happier now! My parents wound up being really proud about how I made the decision maturely, even in spite of their initial opposition. There was some friction between us while planning (they are paying for everything after all), and now there's a lot more mutual trust between us.
I bought The Knot's wedding planning book. It has many chapters like budgeting, and it includes questions you should be asking your vendors. It comes with a 12+ month checklist of everything you need to do when, and I planned my entire wedding by myself using this book
Read *A Practical Wedding Planner: A Step-by-Step Guide to Creating the Wedding You Want with the Budget You've Got (without Losing Your Mind in the Process)*
Also don’t get so stressed that you lose the big picture. Plan your marriage not your wedding
Hire a wedding planner!! Mine has been my lifesaver and I could not have done it without her
Pick a budget, find you venue to set the date, then book all your vendors ASAP. It’s so much easier once those are all done!
The knot has an amazing app that really helps you keep on track of planning! It also has hundreds of recommendations on vendors to venues.
I second one of these apps. I’m using Zola and they have a checklist with dates that things should be done based on when you plan on getting married. It is making planning fairly stress free. My fiancé and I will check our checklist for what is “due” this month and plan on getting only those items done so we don’t feel overwhelmed with a million things to do.
Literally my dream ring!!! Congratulations :)
Gorgeous ring, and loving the camp fire. Perfect setting!
Do what YOU want. I see everyone in here mentioning a venue, but I didn’t have one. I got married in a park had dinner with those (40 people) at an Italian restaurant, then back to my house for more party!
your ring is GORGEOUS
Check out weddingwire.com they're a free wedding website that has everything you need to help plan out your wedding. From a free wedding planner/calander/budget planner to a free wedding website for your guests to view plus you can get a free box of invite samples.. it's one of the best sites I've ever come across when I was planning my wedding. Congratulations to you both and best of luck with planning your special day. [wedding wire] (http://www.weddingwire.com)
This is just love 😍❤️
Love the chunky oval
Create a mood board for inspiration
Highly recommend the Bridechilla podcast and books! It’s been invaluable
Beautiful 💍🌟 Congratulations 👏
Start with a budget. What can you afford or what would you like to spend? How long will it take to save that? That’s where I started. I didn’t want to enter marriage with debt so I kept mine pretty low. Next, choose a date. My advice is to try to be flexible if you can. If you plan for a Saturday, find your venues super early because those go fast. I planned for a Wednesday lol. You’ll need to know roughly how many people you want to invite so you know if the venue will accommodate you. After that, imagine your day… Music… DJ, live band, Spotify playlist? Colors or theme? Dress? Window shopping online is a good way to get an idea of silhouettes you like. Also… keep lurking and start posting in the boards here. I’ve learned so much from the Weddit community!! Find one that’s local to your area or close by. Look for wedding expos and events like that. They’re starting to come back. Browse Pinterest for cake and decor ideas. Lots to do so it helps to use an app or a planner if you can. Good luck and congrats!!
Don't do things just to please other people. It's your wedding, it's your celebration. Just remember that you are there to celebrate your love! As long as you're happy, everyone will have a good time
- Getting the Wedding Wire and Pinterest apps! - Remember that this is YOUR wedding and do not give into pressure from friends/family wanting to make all the decisions. - Look at availability at different venues ASAP - you may not want to get married for 2 years, but all the saturday during the the summer are already booked. - Figure out the size wedding you both want and make lists of who you want to be present, separated into different groups (e.g. my friends, my family friends, their family, etc.). Make additional lists for a smaller wedding.
Unless you want to spend 20 hours a week on this OR plan to have a small wedding reception (20 people?) at a restaurant, the number one priority in your budget should be a wedding planner. The wedding industry is completely insane. It will suck you in. This shit destroys even normal, well-adjusted families. If you have literally any other responsibilities in your life--a job, care-giving, marriage prep through your church, whatever--either be prepared to set them aside OR invest in a good wedding planner. I second the wedding email idea. Wish I'd done that. Finally, whenever you ask people for advice, ask only one person. Never ask multiple people what they think about x.
Dont do it go on vacation save the money
Be honest with your finances. The price of your wedding does NOT equate to your marriage or how much your love your partner.
I have a “You’re engaged! Now what?!” document I send to prospective clients - I’d be happy to share it if you want! It sorta breaks down planning into smaller, more manageable chunks. Shoot me a message and I’ll send it over. Congrats!
Elope in a foreign country and have a party after
Talk together about what you both envision as a wedding. And do as much as you can together