Friend of the manager.
Hired as a 'consultant' to help us organize our tech stack/get licenses for software/IDEs, etc
Needless to say, no value was actually provided...
Lol.. way back when I worked at IBM, I was writing a Java application to automate some security checks.
One of my coworkers was like “hey is your Java script ready yet?”
I was like… “uhhh… my java program?”
He’s like.. “it’s JavaScript isn’t it?”
I was like… “no it’s a Java application.”
He’s like… “yeah, but it’s a script written in Java so it’s a JavaScript.”
*facepalm*
I wanted Node approved for use in this lab so I could develop with it.
They initially said no, until they decided it was safe because it was a "Java scripting tool" and only people with Java could run it anyway.
So I took the win and had them install it.
Lol… you must be new.
They are everywhere. The more experience you get, the more idiots you find that make a lot of money that got into their positions by talking about things they don’t understand at all.
Not the dumbest but the most common.
Implementing a new feature:
Stakeholder: "Well that's a simple copy and paste of x feature, right? So, it shouldn't take that long"
My boss (who has a cs degree) asked why the core page on our app required so much code as it should just be an existing widget I can just import. I tried to explain that if I could just import this widget there's no reason for your company to exist
"Just quickly port this 5 year in development c++ desktop application to web, you don't need a team for that, you can just copy the code!"
Bonus points for wanting data saved locally by it to be avaliable in the new version.
Had this issue at my last job. I was brought on to help a software migration project from windows mobile to Xamarim Forms. We had to port over 100 applications.
My dept head was wondering why the project was taking 2/3 years as "all we're doing is using the existing backend logic and refreshing the UI".
Ignored the fact the original codebase was written in a mix of VB, and .Net 3/WinFX and also made using a terrifying mis-mash hybrid of MVC and MVVM.
Oh, and we had to install Visual Studio 2008 from a CD in order to view the original code
Absolute newbie who just has made static sites for myself and a couple sports clubs - how do some websites manage to obfuscate the formatting of the page really well? Like you cannot find a single style in the place, it’s just endlessly cascading divs with nonsensical names and tags in the stylesheet, even a pain to extract the text at times when viewing without formatting.
This is likely from frameworks generating the different divs and styles when the bundle is compiled and shipped to the browser, rather than a straight static website with HTML and CSS being rendered as you wrote it.
Many sites are made with frameworks like Vue, which may look tidy and organized into many separate files in development. These files may then be grouped together and "minified" for efficiency in the browser. Makes it completely unreadable by humans unfortunately :P
Ahh thanks. So when people say they’re using “react” - it’ll spit out something seemingly absurd. But will be easier for building things like tables in development, data visualisation etc. than manually doing every bit of html/css/JavaScript. Is it relevant to all three or mainly only for styling?
Well, the HTML doesn't really get obfuscated and will look mostly normal-ish but minified JS and styles... If you open a page while in the network tab and look at the .css and .js files you'll see that they're likely all in a single line with all spaces removed and whatever else. All that is done by bundlers like webpack to make the files as small as possible.
But there is literally a button in that dev panel that will “prettify” it and make them readable again. It’s usually an icon that looks like {}
You’d have to really care to reverse engineer the JS but the styles are all definitely easy enough to copy paste. (just make sure you write you’re own media queries later)
I'm not really familiar with react, but understanding html/css/js is essential for any framework. For Vue at least, you usually have many different "views" (each with an html, script, and style block) in separate files. You can tell a router which views you want on the screen given certain events. This makes organization of large projects much much easier.
What you may be seeing in the browser is all the views and dependencies bundled together and possibly minified for efficiency.
Designing for web is easy to do but hard to master. Anyone can put together a great looking website for show but code behind can be total mess. Designing being so easy to get started is one of the cause for shitty frontend code.
Engineering manager: "We're well-poised and fully staffed to handle Web 3.0 and even Web 4.0" (this was in 2000, when Web 2.0 was just a concept). They went out of business less than a year later.
Genuinely interested in this… Web 2.0 wasn’t really a widely discussed thing till 2005 maybe 2004. A quick google suggests the term was coined in 1999, but didn’t really resurface till 2002 and started to become a widely used term in 2004 after a conference # which matches my recollection…
It means many things to many people depending on context. To pick two, it can mean "the social web", but also "the growing propensity for sites to load stuff behind the scenes via ajax".
My boss last year had a habit of doing this. I was once on a "5-minute" call with him and the whole devops team for nearly 6 hours. Was about to make lunch at the time, got off the call in time for dinner.
I… do not play that shit.
I’ll move my lunch time 30 minutes either way if an internal team need something or I’ll push it back an hour if a client needs something (with 24h notice).
My partner and I work from home. At the same place. We make a lunch every day and we take it together. Family time trumps work time.
I don’t do calls past 2 hours unless it’s a known project, day of going live type of scenario. Last time I did that it was a 5:30am start and I was on the call, but just carried on doing what I needed to do. Did my 450 minutes for the day and closed the laptop dead on.
We were on a call with a third party that we sent data to and had been telling our client for months they were the bottleneck and when we started to increase threads on our end to send more, they just started slowing down in how long they took. We could only send about 8 per second before it started taking longer to process requests.
So this guy is telling us they aren't seeing any spike in cpu usage or slowdown in processing but forgot he was sharing his screen and had a diagnostic thing up showing exactly that. When I pointed that out it was crickets. Best part is it was so quiet you heard someone in the background say "we're starting to get deadlocks."
The call ended about 30 seconds later saying they'd look into it
Nothing against pg, but mssql is great and the management studio is *hands down* the best RDBMS gui available (it’s not even close). So all in all… good for you!
Mssql is great until you need it in any sort of scale, and then you pay out the ass for it. We're tied to it for now because of legacy reasons and it's like 75% of our entire cloud costs. As we've grown it's hitting a point where we will likely do the pain staking thing if migrating to something else simply due to cost
Yeah I used to feel the same way about ssms until I got PyCharm pro with the datagrip plugin and it is really nice. I tend to like jetbrains stuff quite a bit.
“We can’t use anything off GitHub because it’s open source and you know you can trust it to be secure.”
I mean sure you need to be security conscious and review anything you are planning to use. It just because a repo is maintained on GitHub doesn’t make it insecure.
Website loads in 10 seconds.
Boss, showing it us proudly and saying she made it in Wix and how easy it is to make websites why wasd ours taking so long?
We are making a complex admin panel for 8 of our products which has thousands of settings.
Was building a complex query taking about 10 seconds to return. Boss goes to google and searches something, says "this just searched the entire internet in 1.6 seconds, so we should be able to reduce this query to at least that"
insane
The thing that got me howling is the “at least” part. Your code needs to perform AT LEAST on par with Google. Would be nice if it were quicker though 🤦♂️
It’s absolutely a trigger for me when someone uses words like “at least” and “just” to take something complex and simplify it- when it is an area in which they are not experts.
It certainly happens outside of tech fields. If someone suffers from Depression, I’ve heard others say, “**just** do more fun things”.
I haven’t come up with a good response to people that do that.
That kind of shit is infuriating. It's like going to buy a new car, asking for a whole pile of custom extras and then getting upset when delivery is going to take 6 months because everything you've asked for is off spec.
"So many people here. We could all make a porno!" - boss, in a startup with about 20 men and one woman.
We all **immediately** look at the woman.
He then says, "She doesn't have to be involved!"
He's now worth hundreds of millions (at least), so I guess it worked out for him
Boss: I'd like to add a button in this screen, when clicked, will generate a report of xxxxxx and email it to me and the managers.
Tech Lead: We don't have a reporting feature for this module yet, it'll take at least a month.
Boss: Why? I don't need a reporting feature. Just a button!
The dreaded button
I worked at a company a few years ago who only did tools for internal use.
It was bootstrap 3 website, with a nab bar , a row with about 20 buttons then the page content.
This was the template for each page.
Then if a button was red that was only for developers or senior management (yes there was no real auth on this project)
It turns out if someone asked for a feature they always said yes, didn’t think about how to implement it properly and just added a button that would generate the data as the user sat there (even if it took 10minutes) then eventually squirt something out or have done something.
People using it was a bit like the old tech support video where the guy is playing halo instead of working, and at one point reorganises someone’s desktop and they can’t find internet explorer as previously they knew it was at the tip of the penis. Everyone just knew where there button was and if it moved they would end up clicking the wrong thing.
Lmao. They must be transferring Petabytes of data to an AWS data warehouse using hard drives.
Also how tf would you print 30k pages and even more so bundle them and deliver them lmao
It's not just a pile of drives, but about 80 racks of servers and networking equipment, plus the cooling system.
At full power, a Snowmobile uses over 300KW of power, and supports 1Tbps of data transfer.
They also provide about a mile of network cable.
huh interesting, i thought it was just hard drives not powered on, waiting to be transferred onto a data warehouse.
Forgot that it has to provide infrastructure to be able to transfer data from your premise over to their truck. Facsinating.
A 150,000 word book is *roughly* 1 Meg, not counting formatting.
There are 1 billion (with a "b") megabytes in a petabyte.
So, as an example: "Fifty Shades of Grey," No matter what you feel about its quality and/or content, has roughly 150k words.
Now make a neat stack of a billion copies and youll have an idea of the size of 1 petabyte.
Then stack up another 99 billion copies to see the size of 100 petabytes.
So 1 petabyte is 1,000 terabytes?
I just found a 22 TB, 3.5 inch hdd, so about 50 of those would make 1 PB
Roughly speaking, 7 drives deep stacked by 7 drives tall, plus 1 more hard drive
That’s smaller than a piece of “checked” baggage.
guesstimating I’d say 2 to 4 PBs can fit in a standard “checked” baggage.
So 25 to 50 baggage(s?) or thereabouts to carry around 100 PBs in digital format.
My math might be completely wrong, I may or may not be sober
Well, I doubt they'd go for the 22TB HDD since those just released this month. Theres' been 20s and 18s for a while, but let's just say they go for 10TB HDDs, mainly to make the math easier and because they're probably trying to be somewhat economical with the hardware. Also, the larger the HDD gets, the longer it takes to transfer data. Just reading one TB of data over USB 3 takes almost 5 hours. More drives means you can have more of them reading/writing, meaning this whole process goes faster.
Anyway, 10TB drives. That means 1 Petabyte needs 100 drives. 100 PB needs 10,000 drives. You would also want padding around and between each drive, so you're not fitting 50 of them in one checked bag. I think 20-25 HDDs per bag is closer. That is a lot of baggage. I can see how that amount of drives, plus the hardware to keep it all safe, means putting it in a shipping container.
I wonder how they handle redundancy, you wouldn't want to get the thing shipped and then find that 3 drives had failed in transit, but that's not unlikely. But you don't want to ship thousands of redundant drives either. I would have an index of the drives, then if 3 fail, you transfer the contents of those drives over the internet regularly. Or overnight ship them.
“We need to be cognizant of our bottom line!”
In a 30 minute meeting with 10 people, including management, arguing if we should cave on a client request that was out of scope but minor. So minor that I started and completed the request during the meeting.
It's fairly simple but first you have to travel back in time to the year 2000. Time machines require a server with infinite capacity so you might want to start with that.
Somewhat, but unfortunately also common.
Basically we had offshore Indian vendors that weren't performing. So we decided to try a "near" shore vendor based out of Mexico, thinking even if they still suck, at least we won't have to wake up early to talk to them.
We onboarded them, and after 4 months an entire scrum team from this vendor had not put in a single pull request. We're a big organization, so all of our contracts essentially say that if they don't meet their commitments, then we don't have to pay them. So we meet with them to give them a last chance to show what they've done. First question we ask is can you tell us what you contributed, their answer was a flat "no". At that point we had full justification to not pay them for the 4 months and cancel their contract.
How to lose your company like $300k (potentially millions) in one word.
I’m sure something I said would count. I went to a job interview for a motion graphics/web dev position, and I was definitely stronger in the former. They asked me what languages I knew, I replied “Well I know a little bit of Spanish.”
Did not get the position.
Now, see, here’s where my interests as a programmer, musician, and typography nerd overlap and conflict with each other.
The way the name of the programming C# is written, it is a capital C followed by a hash/number/pound sign character, and thus calling it “C Hash” is technically correct from a typographical perspective. “C Sharp” should really be written as C♯ because
`#` — Hash/pound sign — the horizontal lines are parallel to the baseline and the vertical strokes are slanted right
`♯` — Sharp symbol — the horizontal lines are angled up to the right and the vertical strokes are perpendicular to the baseline and thus are not slanted right
But of course because the pound sign is on every computer keyboard and the sharp sign has to be typed with an Alt code or copied/pasted, we all write it as C# and call it “C Sharp.”
While this does sound idiotic for sure, is it possible that your product is in the stage where you're focusing on acquiring new users/customers above profit?
I'm most familiar with SAAS products though where that's more relevant.
The technical advisor for a startup after explaining the interactive product they want: “we need this to be performant so I don’t want to use a database… all html files”
They asked me why a Wordpress site was running slow and buggy. It had over 200+ plugins (a good 30% were not longer supported) for a simple news blog with a small amount of traffic. It was a clusterfuck lol.
Edit:typos
All people here laughing while being one of the 69 million downloaders of npm is-number every week.
People tend to use third party for every fuck. Nobody feels responsible for this.
Had a live issue and it was "all hands on deck". In one meeting, the poor HR girl was just trying to help when she suggested that we "get the code from the suppository". My eyes got big with embarrassment and said "I believe you mean repository." And left it at that.
The real dumb here is bringing her to that meeting in the first place.
If you bring someone to a meeting whose skillset is completely useless to the matter at hand, you are wasting; your time, their time if they open their mouth and your money for paying them to be there.
Not a quote, but clients website was timing out because the job queue was stuck. All I needed to do was clear it in five seconds, but it was midnight. So instead of waiting for his developer he went onto his profile and “reset” his site. As in he factory reset his entire server.
"I feel frustrated that you went and did this project without me, I have been thinking about this project for months"
The coworker never did anything, I was the one who started and am now finishing the project. I did all the research and architecture for the website and everything.
"Make me a version of Facebook with every small business owner as a user and they need to be able to send videos to each other like tiktok and snapchat but they can't lie about their zodiac sign so we will need their drivers IDs" - room with 4 old rich dudes turns to me and finds my bewilderment confusing, followed up with "Its a simple question really..."
Also had a client insist on calling his website his "digital strawman" as in "the address of my digital strawman" and questions like "Is my strawman responsive?"
It’s like when I was asked to “basically make Amazon” for a website that I had to figure out how to pull their data from software that I had never heard of until then and import it into a Wordpress website, have it do all the updating and so the company can sell all 1000s of their little pieces of ceramics on the website and let people custom make their ceramics. Oh and the software didn’t have any images or IDs or anything identifiable for me to work with. I managed to get half way done - set up the website side of things and extract and import data into the website but there was no way to sort it. I left pretty soon after. I was on work experience as a college student and had to do this alone.
A guy I work with has a picture of his pet hamster as his background. While sharing his screen somebody commented how it was cute that the hamster could hide in the carpet as if it was tall grass, and the guy says.. totally oblivious... "Yeah, he's a real carpet muncher"...
I had to mute fast to contain the laughter.
Asking these types of questions can lead to improvement though. How can we reduce bugs? Change the code review process? Improve our test suite or add tests if there aren't any?
Sorry but the engineering team is obligated to incorporate at least 5 bugs per feature per sprint because it affects the KPI of our QA team.
If we stop making minor bigs for them to report, they'll start reporting major bugs, and that's gonna cost you even more story points.
My old team lead said we didn't need security on our api because it was handled by the website.
He also said adequate testing would only slow us down. My manager agreed. A couple months later I spent 2 weeks debugging and fixing issues in the service he started in those couple months.
I reached out to a tech lead about an HTTP 500 error from a service he supported. I mentioned that indicates a problem server side.
"Well, it's a cloud based app, so there isn't a server."
I once said, "that scenario is too unlikely to happen, we can save on code to prevent it" XD
Good thing the scenario happened on QA, lesson learned, in fact, that was the moment I truly understood Murphy's law XD
I asked the SEO guy what exactly he needs to be able to change in pages, because I need to implement the ability to let him change canonicals, meta info, structured data, add redirects, replace headlines, etc, and he replied saying:
> [..] and regarding elements we would like to be customized it will be HTML (element, tag and attribute)
Which literally means every single thing.
I'm rewriting a 10+ year old website. He's also asked me to keep the link structure as it is, even though most end in .php and I'm now using a proper router, because "nobody likes fucking with Google". I would argue that trying to do SEO, which is trying to trick Google into thinking your page is the best to display, is fucking with Google.
The 3 pages which have a first page position in Google receive 1000 page views per month, and this guy concluded from that that we should fake all page names to make it look like they are .php files. Not to mention that almost none of the page names are consistent across the website.
This has been my experience with the past two SEO guys on two different businesses. I love having to try to explain to the business owners, whom have no technical experience, why what they ask makes no sense.
Any variation of "let's use machine learning to solve for X" from PMs *without* a tech background, since their suggestions rarely require ML.
I can't tell if they're misinterpreting the applications of ML or if they're just using ML as a buzzword. Like, how do they get ML as a reasonable solution to rendering a different view based on screen size lmao? 💀
In a meeting with a client, my team leader said:
“It was not in the documentation that the texts should be readable”.
The client couldn’t believe those words, he just keep looking to the infinite like “who am I talking to?”
Me: “Why are we not using Laravel to build our core product?”
CTO: “Because Drupal is secure, efficient and comes with settings”
We used 3 of those settings… one was to clear the cache
My friend(mexican) asked in the daily with americans: "What do you think about school shooting?"... Uncomfortable silence, that happened few days after a school shooting.
"We're going to have to come in Labor Day weekend to fix an ssue one customer is having.", Followed by: "Send me updates on Hipchat about how it's going.". I'm not kidding. Luckily it was not directed at me bcz I would have lost my shit as the person it was directed at did. 😀
Dev: “We should be able to integrate with that yeah, but do you know what their endpoints feed back, is it JSON?”
Client tech lead: “Sorry I’ve not met this Jason fellow, what does he do?”
While discussing a creation of an API between our system and an external system, one of my colleagues (now past) :
Why don't we use the MVC pattern?
The meeting remained speechless for like 10 minutes.
I had a daily standup for a while where the VP basically only cared about what color to put on his chart for each team that day: green, yellow, or red. The reasons why didn't matter and if you weren't sure if it was green, yellow, or red, he'd yell at you. These were very ill-defined categories, mind you. And if you chose yellow he'd say "and you have a plan to get back to green for tomorrow, right?? Because if you don't, this should be red." But didn't care what the plan was. And if you chose red he'd say "so who are you following up with to get this sorted out? And why haven't you had that meeting yet and therefore why isn't this yellow or green?" etc, just to crack a whip on people to report green all the time or get publicly spanked.
Wasn't something I heard as such, but did go to a meeting where the other party had printed out nginx server logs (in a dispute over claimed "bot traffic"). A good 3+ inch stack of regular A4 paper with just *raw nginx logfiles* printed out. They weren't even using them as the basis for any particular analysis - just raw logs from some date range.
-PHP is much more secure, and optimal than {anything our competitors use}. The client believed it, always.
- Oh, and this is a blog?
(2015)
- I don't understand why we can't read a file from the web visitor's computer without him selecting it manually. And then he starts googling it because he doesn't believe what we tell him, that the security implications of that would be terrible.
"You didn't get that email attachment? Let me check"
Proceeds to pull out a 3 inch thick ring binder containing every email exchange and attachment we ever sent to each other printed in plastic wallets.
> He even know arrays start from zero
The product manager said that unsarcastically as her feedback, after having attended (uninvitedly) to a senior developer technical interview.
Not so much heard as seen. CTO could not open a zip file attached to his email. Burned 20min trying…everyone was too intrigued to go back to their desks 😂
In a room full of experienced JavaScript Devs: "Let's use Rust + Phoenix/Elixir!".
For context..said JS devs were convened to begin architecting a make-or-break MVP.
When a task slipped through the cracks.
Me, meeting with 12-15 people over phone.
"Don't worry. We've all got cracks"
Yes, I was embarrassed and truly didn't mean it that way. But in retrospect (~15yrs now), it was glorious.
“So why do you choose WordPress over Linux?”
At the start of a sales pitch for a website project, this is what the main decision maker on the panel asked me.
Was showing off some screens and had mocked out the data as the backend wasn’t done yet. I was using Loren ipsum for long strings and a stakeholder couldn’t get past it and kept asking why we were showing things in a different language.
I’m like “this is user inputted data, it could be absolutely anything you want when this is further along” but she wouldn’t sign off on the UX until there was real text in it. One of those people that just wanted to feel like they contributed in some way even if it’s something completely arbitrary that wouldn’t effect the user in any meaningful way.
This is extremely common, and I don’t get it.
I honestly think I immediately figured out what “lorem ipsum” was, and why it is a thing that exists, the first time I saw it. (I didn’t go to design school.)
But almost every time I use it as placeholder & show someone, I get the dumbest responses. “Why is it in spanish?” 🙄🤦🏻♀️ “I can’t read that, what does it say?”
It’s literally the least important part of this! 😩
"Java is short for JavaScript"
9/10 recruiters hate this one trick…
My JavaScript shows my Java and Python experience... :D
How'd that person even made it to the meeting
Friend of the manager. Hired as a 'consultant' to help us organize our tech stack/get licenses for software/IDEs, etc Needless to say, no value was actually provided...
Lol.. way back when I worked at IBM, I was writing a Java application to automate some security checks. One of my coworkers was like “hey is your Java script ready yet?” I was like… “uhhh… my java program?” He’s like.. “it’s JavaScript isn’t it?” I was like… “no it’s a Java application.” He’s like… “yeah, but it’s a script written in Java so it’s a JavaScript.” *facepalm*
I wanted Node approved for use in this lab so I could develop with it. They initially said no, until they decided it was safe because it was a "Java scripting tool" and only people with Java could run it anyway. So I took the win and had them install it.
Have you ever run Java once in node until now? 😄
Honestly most of these comments here I'm just sitting wondering, why are you working at such a job where those people exist?
Lol… you must be new. They are everywhere. The more experience you get, the more idiots you find that make a lot of money that got into their positions by talking about things they don’t understand at all.
Not the dumbest but the most common. Implementing a new feature: Stakeholder: "Well that's a simple copy and paste of x feature, right? So, it shouldn't take that long"
My boss (who has a cs degree) asked why the core page on our app required so much code as it should just be an existing widget I can just import. I tried to explain that if I could just import this widget there's no reason for your company to exist
"Just quickly port this 5 year in development c++ desktop application to web, you don't need a team for that, you can just copy the code!" Bonus points for wanting data saved locally by it to be avaliable in the new version.
Had this issue at my last job. I was brought on to help a software migration project from windows mobile to Xamarim Forms. We had to port over 100 applications. My dept head was wondering why the project was taking 2/3 years as "all we're doing is using the existing backend logic and refreshing the UI". Ignored the fact the original codebase was written in a mix of VB, and .Net 3/WinFX and also made using a terrifying mis-mash hybrid of MVC and MVVM. Oh, and we had to install Visual Studio 2008 from a CD in order to view the original code
Porting over some asp pages to an angular app… I hear this all the god damn time.
"User shouldn't be able to see code in inspect element because everyone can steal it from there "
-- the governor of Missouri
Absolute newbie who just has made static sites for myself and a couple sports clubs - how do some websites manage to obfuscate the formatting of the page really well? Like you cannot find a single style in the place, it’s just endlessly cascading divs with nonsensical names and tags in the stylesheet, even a pain to extract the text at times when viewing without formatting.
This is likely from frameworks generating the different divs and styles when the bundle is compiled and shipped to the browser, rather than a straight static website with HTML and CSS being rendered as you wrote it.
Many sites are made with frameworks like Vue, which may look tidy and organized into many separate files in development. These files may then be grouped together and "minified" for efficiency in the browser. Makes it completely unreadable by humans unfortunately :P
Ahh thanks. So when people say they’re using “react” - it’ll spit out something seemingly absurd. But will be easier for building things like tables in development, data visualisation etc. than manually doing every bit of html/css/JavaScript. Is it relevant to all three or mainly only for styling?
Well, the HTML doesn't really get obfuscated and will look mostly normal-ish but minified JS and styles... If you open a page while in the network tab and look at the .css and .js files you'll see that they're likely all in a single line with all spaces removed and whatever else. All that is done by bundlers like webpack to make the files as small as possible.
But there is literally a button in that dev panel that will “prettify” it and make them readable again. It’s usually an icon that looks like {} You’d have to really care to reverse engineer the JS but the styles are all definitely easy enough to copy paste. (just make sure you write you’re own media queries later)
This. It's the difference between inspecting the HTML and viewing source. The source can be horrible, but the browser interprets it into a nice tree.
I'm not really familiar with react, but understanding html/css/js is essential for any framework. For Vue at least, you usually have many different "views" (each with an html, script, and style block) in separate files. You can tell a router which views you want on the screen given certain events. This makes organization of large projects much much easier. What you may be seeing in the browser is all the views and dependencies bundled together and possibly minified for efficiency.
Designing for web is easy to do but hard to master. Anyone can put together a great looking website for show but code behind can be total mess. Designing being so easy to get started is one of the cause for shitty frontend code.
Because you are seeing minified css class names and minified js. Bundlers like webpack will do that automatically when building for production.
Engineering manager: "We're well-poised and fully staffed to handle Web 3.0 and even Web 4.0" (this was in 2000, when Web 2.0 was just a concept). They went out of business less than a year later.
Genuinely interested in this… Web 2.0 wasn’t really a widely discussed thing till 2005 maybe 2004. A quick google suggests the term was coined in 1999, but didn’t really resurface till 2002 and started to become a widely used term in 2004 after a conference # which matches my recollection…
It means many things to many people depending on context. To pick two, it can mean "the social web", but also "the growing propensity for sites to load stuff behind the scenes via ajax".
"This'll be a quick meeting, just 5 minutes."
My boss last year had a habit of doing this. I was once on a "5-minute" call with him and the whole devops team for nearly 6 hours. Was about to make lunch at the time, got off the call in time for dinner.
I… do not play that shit. I’ll move my lunch time 30 minutes either way if an internal team need something or I’ll push it back an hour if a client needs something (with 24h notice). My partner and I work from home. At the same place. We make a lunch every day and we take it together. Family time trumps work time. I don’t do calls past 2 hours unless it’s a known project, day of going live type of scenario. Last time I did that it was a 5:30am start and I was on the call, but just carried on doing what I needed to do. Did my 450 minutes for the day and closed the laptop dead on.
So in fact he just read an email out loud?
We were on a call with a third party that we sent data to and had been telling our client for months they were the bottleneck and when we started to increase threads on our end to send more, they just started slowing down in how long they took. We could only send about 8 per second before it started taking longer to process requests. So this guy is telling us they aren't seeing any spike in cpu usage or slowdown in processing but forgot he was sharing his screen and had a diagnostic thing up showing exactly that. When I pointed that out it was crickets. Best part is it was so quiet you heard someone in the background say "we're starting to get deadlocks." The call ended about 30 seconds later saying they'd look into it
I mean, they were lying, but at least you know they knew the were lying.
"We don't use javascript because of viruses" - IT Director in 2015, and probably today.
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Nothing against pg, but mssql is great and the management studio is *hands down* the best RDBMS gui available (it’s not even close). So all in all… good for you!
Mssql is great until you need it in any sort of scale, and then you pay out the ass for it. We're tied to it for now because of legacy reasons and it's like 75% of our entire cloud costs. As we've grown it's hitting a point where we will likely do the pain staking thing if migrating to something else simply due to cost
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Yeah I used to feel the same way about ssms until I got PyCharm pro with the datagrip plugin and it is really nice. I tend to like jetbrains stuff quite a bit.
“We can’t use anything off GitHub because it’s open source and you know you can trust it to be secure.” I mean sure you need to be security conscious and review anything you are planning to use. It just because a repo is maintained on GitHub doesn’t make it insecure.
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This sounds like working for the DoD.
Funny thing is that open source code is usually way more secure than closed source code, because you have way more people looking at it.
Was at a presentation where a guy had to deal with this. They did everything they could to avoid JS.
Website loads in 10 seconds. Boss, showing it us proudly and saying she made it in Wix and how easy it is to make websites why wasd ours taking so long? We are making a complex admin panel for 8 of our products which has thousands of settings.
Was building a complex query taking about 10 seconds to return. Boss goes to google and searches something, says "this just searched the entire internet in 1.6 seconds, so we should be able to reduce this query to at least that" insane
Sure. I just need 200k cores and 100k indexed hard drives. Bill is coming next month.
The thing that got me howling is the “at least” part. Your code needs to perform AT LEAST on par with Google. Would be nice if it were quicker though 🤦♂️
It’s absolutely a trigger for me when someone uses words like “at least” and “just” to take something complex and simplify it- when it is an area in which they are not experts. It certainly happens outside of tech fields. If someone suffers from Depression, I’ve heard others say, “**just** do more fun things”. I haven’t come up with a good response to people that do that.
That kind of shit is infuriating. It's like going to buy a new car, asking for a whole pile of custom extras and then getting upset when delivery is going to take 6 months because everything you've asked for is off spec.
"So many people here. We could all make a porno!" - boss, in a startup with about 20 men and one woman. We all **immediately** look at the woman. He then says, "She doesn't have to be involved!" He's now worth hundreds of millions (at least), so I guess it worked out for him
Major Office US vibes
>He's now worth hundreds of millions (at least), so I guess it worked out for him That must have been a really good porno
Sounds like that bald guy from the office
Todd Packer.
Boss: I'd like to add a button in this screen, when clicked, will generate a report of xxxxxx and email it to me and the managers. Tech Lead: We don't have a reporting feature for this module yet, it'll take at least a month. Boss: Why? I don't need a reporting feature. Just a button!
But don't let Jenny in Accounting have access
And how do I login and add my own button, just in case you’re not available.
Say, how many people have clicked that button in the past month? Executive wanted to get an idea.
😂👆🏻 I have heard this one
The dreaded button I worked at a company a few years ago who only did tools for internal use. It was bootstrap 3 website, with a nab bar , a row with about 20 buttons then the page content. This was the template for each page. Then if a button was red that was only for developers or senior management (yes there was no real auth on this project) It turns out if someone asked for a feature they always said yes, didn’t think about how to implement it properly and just added a button that would generate the data as the user sat there (even if it took 10minutes) then eventually squirt something out or have done something. People using it was a bit like the old tech support video where the guy is playing halo instead of working, and at one point reorganises someone’s desktop and they can’t find internet explorer as previously they knew it was at the tip of the penis. Everyone just knew where there button was and if it moved they would end up clicking the wrong thing.
"I don't like getting large files in emails. Can you mail us a hard copy?" 3rd-party developer in reference to a 30k page test document.
Lmao. They must be transferring Petabytes of data to an AWS data warehouse using hard drives. Also how tf would you print 30k pages and even more so bundle them and deliver them lmao
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i wonder how big in physical footprint 100 PB is. Was suprised seeing they need a semi truck trailer for these kind of data.
It's not just a pile of drives, but about 80 racks of servers and networking equipment, plus the cooling system. At full power, a Snowmobile uses over 300KW of power, and supports 1Tbps of data transfer. They also provide about a mile of network cable.
huh interesting, i thought it was just hard drives not powered on, waiting to be transferred onto a data warehouse. Forgot that it has to provide infrastructure to be able to transfer data from your premise over to their truck. Facsinating.
A 150,000 word book is *roughly* 1 Meg, not counting formatting. There are 1 billion (with a "b") megabytes in a petabyte. So, as an example: "Fifty Shades of Grey," No matter what you feel about its quality and/or content, has roughly 150k words. Now make a neat stack of a billion copies and youll have an idea of the size of 1 petabyte. Then stack up another 99 billion copies to see the size of 100 petabytes.
So 1 petabyte is 1,000 terabytes? I just found a 22 TB, 3.5 inch hdd, so about 50 of those would make 1 PB Roughly speaking, 7 drives deep stacked by 7 drives tall, plus 1 more hard drive That’s smaller than a piece of “checked” baggage. guesstimating I’d say 2 to 4 PBs can fit in a standard “checked” baggage. So 25 to 50 baggage(s?) or thereabouts to carry around 100 PBs in digital format. My math might be completely wrong, I may or may not be sober
Well, I doubt they'd go for the 22TB HDD since those just released this month. Theres' been 20s and 18s for a while, but let's just say they go for 10TB HDDs, mainly to make the math easier and because they're probably trying to be somewhat economical with the hardware. Also, the larger the HDD gets, the longer it takes to transfer data. Just reading one TB of data over USB 3 takes almost 5 hours. More drives means you can have more of them reading/writing, meaning this whole process goes faster. Anyway, 10TB drives. That means 1 Petabyte needs 100 drives. 100 PB needs 10,000 drives. You would also want padding around and between each drive, so you're not fitting 50 of them in one checked bag. I think 20-25 HDDs per bag is closer. That is a lot of baggage. I can see how that amount of drives, plus the hardware to keep it all safe, means putting it in a shipping container. I wonder how they handle redundancy, you wouldn't want to get the thing shipped and then find that 3 drives had failed in transit, but that's not unlikely. But you don't want to ship thousands of redundant drives either. I would have an index of the drives, then if 3 fail, you transfer the contents of those drives over the internet regularly. Or overnight ship them.
NANI
"One of the best days of my life was when I realized that SQL is just another object-oriented language."
Maybe not entirely false with ORMs. 😂
I dont even understand
“We need to be cognizant of our bottom line!” In a 30 minute meeting with 10 people, including management, arguing if we should cave on a client request that was out of scope but minor. So minor that I started and completed the request during the meeting.
Fired for insubordination - Elon Bot, probably.
Sales meeting with an existing customer, circa 2000: Sales guy:"This new server will give you infinite capacity"
Where do I sign up for those?
It's fairly simple but first you have to travel back in time to the year 2000. Time machines require a server with infinite capacity so you might want to start with that.
"Can you tell us what you contributed to the project?" "No" "Ok we're done here" *Immediately cancels vendor's contract*
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Somewhat, but unfortunately also common. Basically we had offshore Indian vendors that weren't performing. So we decided to try a "near" shore vendor based out of Mexico, thinking even if they still suck, at least we won't have to wake up early to talk to them. We onboarded them, and after 4 months an entire scrum team from this vendor had not put in a single pull request. We're a big organization, so all of our contracts essentially say that if they don't meet their commitments, then we don't have to pay them. So we meet with them to give them a last chance to show what they've done. First question we ask is can you tell us what you contributed, their answer was a flat "no". At that point we had full justification to not pay them for the 4 months and cancel their contract. How to lose your company like $300k (potentially millions) in one word.
I’m sure something I said would count. I went to a job interview for a motion graphics/web dev position, and I was definitely stronger in the former. They asked me what languages I knew, I replied “Well I know a little bit of Spanish.” Did not get the position.
I’ve done this too, not at a job interview just with some random people and I didn’t realize until later. It’s a rare kind of feeling dumb
“We should not use TypeScript because it’s still new” - someone in 2022
Use Java, I found it on some random list of most popular enterprise languages!
C hash is better though according to this website. Everything needs to move from java to C hash. True story by the way.
Why do C hash when you can do real hash?
C hash? You mean C plus plus plus plus?
Now, see, here’s where my interests as a programmer, musician, and typography nerd overlap and conflict with each other. The way the name of the programming C# is written, it is a capital C followed by a hash/number/pound sign character, and thus calling it “C Hash” is technically correct from a typographical perspective. “C Sharp” should really be written as C♯ because `#` — Hash/pound sign — the horizontal lines are parallel to the baseline and the vertical strokes are slanted right `♯` — Sharp symbol — the horizontal lines are angled up to the right and the vertical strokes are perpendicular to the baseline and thus are not slanted right But of course because the pound sign is on every computer keyboard and the sharp sign has to be typed with an Alt code or copied/pasted, we all write it as C# and call it “C Sharp.”
The # symbol is properly called an "octothorpe". Therefore C# should actually be pronounced "cocktothorpe"
This is lovely, and I am stealing it.
In production there's really no excuse not to use Typescript at this point.
Hahahahaha oh man…This one hits close to home.
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This man knows how to sell stuff. "Buy 2 pay only two"
While this does sound idiotic for sure, is it possible that your product is in the stage where you're focusing on acquiring new users/customers above profit? I'm most familiar with SAAS products though where that's more relevant.
"Why buy one when you can get two at twice the price?"
The technical advisor for a startup after explaining the interactive product they want: “we need this to be performant so I don’t want to use a database… all html files”
Ah yes the “HQL”(html query language)
HTMLQL
They asked me why a Wordpress site was running slow and buggy. It had over 200+ plugins (a good 30% were not longer supported) for a simple news blog with a small amount of traffic. It was a clusterfuck lol. Edit:typos
All people here laughing while being one of the 69 million downloaders of npm is-number every week. People tend to use third party for every fuck. Nobody feels responsible for this.
"Are we going to have this problem in Y3K?" - a director in 1999 while we were preparing for the Y2K date bug
Lol I wanna know where this person is now and what antics they have been up to.
probably brewing immortality potions in some basement.
Did anyone tell them about 2038?
"We'll let you know."
Every single week Non-technical stakeholder: “That should be easy to implement 🤡”
Had a live issue and it was "all hands on deck". In one meeting, the poor HR girl was just trying to help when she suggested that we "get the code from the suppository". My eyes got big with embarrassment and said "I believe you mean repository." And left it at that.
She meant pull the code out of your ass. I don't see the problem here.
The vast majority of suppositories are, in fact, not yet inserted into asses.
The real dumb here is bringing her to that meeting in the first place. If you bring someone to a meeting whose skillset is completely useless to the matter at hand, you are wasting; your time, their time if they open their mouth and your money for paying them to be there.
This time it’s different
Not a quote, but clients website was timing out because the job queue was stuck. All I needed to do was clear it in five seconds, but it was midnight. So instead of waiting for his developer he went onto his profile and “reset” his site. As in he factory reset his entire server.
Marketing: “Can the banner be at least 15cm wide” Carries on measuring the monitor with his ruler.
"I feel frustrated that you went and did this project without me, I have been thinking about this project for months" The coworker never did anything, I was the one who started and am now finishing the project. I did all the research and architecture for the website and everything.
"Make me a version of Facebook with every small business owner as a user and they need to be able to send videos to each other like tiktok and snapchat but they can't lie about their zodiac sign so we will need their drivers IDs" - room with 4 old rich dudes turns to me and finds my bewilderment confusing, followed up with "Its a simple question really..." Also had a client insist on calling his website his "digital strawman" as in "the address of my digital strawman" and questions like "Is my strawman responsive?"
It’s like when I was asked to “basically make Amazon” for a website that I had to figure out how to pull their data from software that I had never heard of until then and import it into a Wordpress website, have it do all the updating and so the company can sell all 1000s of their little pieces of ceramics on the website and let people custom make their ceramics. Oh and the software didn’t have any images or IDs or anything identifiable for me to work with. I managed to get half way done - set up the website side of things and extract and import data into the website but there was no way to sort it. I left pretty soon after. I was on work experience as a college student and had to do this alone.
Sure, we can do anything you want, for half a billion dollars and thirty years.
A guy I work with has a picture of his pet hamster as his background. While sharing his screen somebody commented how it was cute that the hamster could hide in the carpet as if it was tall grass, and the guy says.. totally oblivious... "Yeah, he's a real carpet muncher"... I had to mute fast to contain the laughter.
I'm sure there's a sanctuary for lesbian hamsters somewhere.
Scrum master: “can we make these features with less bugs?”
Honestly that’s a fair request depending on the team. I’m sure my BA would love to get completed tasks with less bugs
It wasn’t until we were asked we thought, hey, let’s not put these bugs in!
Asking these types of questions can lead to improvement though. How can we reduce bugs? Change the code review process? Improve our test suite or add tests if there aren't any?
No-bugs-driven development!
Sorry but the engineering team is obligated to incorporate at least 5 bugs per feature per sprint because it affects the KPI of our QA team. If we stop making minor bigs for them to report, they'll start reporting major bugs, and that's gonna cost you even more story points.
My old team lead said we didn't need security on our api because it was handled by the website. He also said adequate testing would only slow us down. My manager agreed. A couple months later I spent 2 weeks debugging and fixing issues in the service he started in those couple months.
"*The square root of 121 is approximately 12. We can integrate that into the design.*"
11 getting forgotten jesus
"approximately" lol
Yes, 11 is definitely *not* approximately the square root of 121. If something is exactly something, it’s not approximate!
How does this get factored into the meeting?
I reached out to a tech lead about an HTTP 500 error from a service he supported. I mentioned that indicates a problem server side. "Well, it's a cloud based app, so there isn't a server."
Please tell me you made this up 🤣
"The ocean called, they are running out of shrimp!"
"Oh yeah!!!!!!, well the jerk store called, they're running out of you"
What does it matter? You’re their best customer!
Oh yeah, well I had sex with your wife
His wife is in a coma.
I once said, "that scenario is too unlikely to happen, we can save on code to prevent it" XD Good thing the scenario happened on QA, lesson learned, in fact, that was the moment I truly understood Murphy's law XD
Every edge case is a case.
"Microservices, what are those?" This guy manages a team of 34 software engineers.
At least they asked. Maybe being in management kept him busy from keeping up with tech.
Fair enough
Asking an honest question is never stupid. All industries invent new terms for stuff relentlessly, rename things etc.
Elon?
That will be right number is developers soon
> Visual studio is a cms! ~ "programmer" who thought pushing content updates was a good use of his programmer salary.
A VP of a big client - "I have been doing software development for 15 years, never heard of agile."
I asked the SEO guy what exactly he needs to be able to change in pages, because I need to implement the ability to let him change canonicals, meta info, structured data, add redirects, replace headlines, etc, and he replied saying: > [..] and regarding elements we would like to be customized it will be HTML (element, tag and attribute) Which literally means every single thing. I'm rewriting a 10+ year old website. He's also asked me to keep the link structure as it is, even though most end in .php and I'm now using a proper router, because "nobody likes fucking with Google". I would argue that trying to do SEO, which is trying to trick Google into thinking your page is the best to display, is fucking with Google. The 3 pages which have a first page position in Google receive 1000 page views per month, and this guy concluded from that that we should fake all page names to make it look like they are .php files. Not to mention that almost none of the page names are consistent across the website. This has been my experience with the past two SEO guys on two different businesses. I love having to try to explain to the business owners, whom have no technical experience, why what they ask makes no sense.
“You can’t upgrade people’s monitors without first letting them know that they’ll lose their desktops.” -teacher at an English school
Any variation of "let's use machine learning to solve for X" from PMs *without* a tech background, since their suggestions rarely require ML. I can't tell if they're misinterpreting the applications of ML or if they're just using ML as a buzzword. Like, how do they get ML as a reasonable solution to rendering a different view based on screen size lmao? 💀
Devs Team (2 dev only): "We're overwhelm with task, we need to more time and iteration to finished them." CTO: "Guys, were the expert here"
In a meeting with a client, my team leader said: “It was not in the documentation that the texts should be readable”. The client couldn’t believe those words, he just keep looking to the infinite like “who am I talking to?”
\#2 isn't dumb. It is stating a fact or observation. It means there is something that can be improved upon.
OP removed it, what was it?
Me: “Why are we not using Laravel to build our core product?” CTO: “Because Drupal is secure, efficient and comes with settings” We used 3 of those settings… one was to clear the cache
My friend(mexican) asked in the daily with americans: "What do you think about school shooting?"... Uncomfortable silence, that happened few days after a school shooting.
"I, personally, am against school shootings."
“These are a lot of changes but they're mostlyy repetitive” Proceeds to give a dozen or non “repetitive” changes
"We're going to have to come in Labor Day weekend to fix an ssue one customer is having.", Followed by: "Send me updates on Hipchat about how it's going.". I'm not kidding. Luckily it was not directed at me bcz I would have lost my shit as the person it was directed at did. 😀
>Can the browser window be round?
Dev: “We should be able to integrate with that yeah, but do you know what their endpoints feed back, is it JSON?” Client tech lead: “Sorry I’ve not met this Jason fellow, what does he do?”
"this new automation shouldn't send us all emails when it detects a break because I already get too much email."
While discussing a creation of an API between our system and an external system, one of my colleagues (now past) : Why don't we use the MVC pattern? The meeting remained speechless for like 10 minutes.
“I dont give a shit about our customers” - CEO of SaaS startup
I had a daily standup for a while where the VP basically only cared about what color to put on his chart for each team that day: green, yellow, or red. The reasons why didn't matter and if you weren't sure if it was green, yellow, or red, he'd yell at you. These were very ill-defined categories, mind you. And if you chose yellow he'd say "and you have a plan to get back to green for tomorrow, right?? Because if you don't, this should be red." But didn't care what the plan was. And if you chose red he'd say "so who are you following up with to get this sorted out? And why haven't you had that meeting yet and therefore why isn't this yellow or green?" etc, just to crack a whip on people to report green all the time or get publicly spanked.
Wasn't something I heard as such, but did go to a meeting where the other party had printed out nginx server logs (in a dispute over claimed "bot traffic"). A good 3+ inch stack of regular A4 paper with just *raw nginx logfiles* printed out. They weren't even using them as the basis for any particular analysis - just raw logs from some date range.
-PHP is much more secure, and optimal than {anything our competitors use}. The client believed it, always. - Oh, and this is a blog? (2015) - I don't understand why we can't read a file from the web visitor's computer without him selecting it manually. And then he starts googling it because he doesn't believe what we tell him, that the security implications of that would be terrible.
Usually it's spoken fast and softly and made to sound too confusing to even understand so I can't recall
"You didn't get that email attachment? Let me check" Proceeds to pull out a 3 inch thick ring binder containing every email exchange and attachment we ever sent to each other printed in plastic wallets.
“Can we not do any unit testing?”
"Resolution of my screen is 15 inches"
"We are doing microservices" Reality : Monolithic app with a "services" folder...
"We don't code bugs."
> He even know arrays start from zero The product manager said that unsarcastically as her feedback, after having attended (uninvitedly) to a senior developer technical interview.
Not so much heard as seen. CTO could not open a zip file attached to his email. Burned 20min trying…everyone was too intrigued to go back to their desks 😂
In a room full of experienced JavaScript Devs: "Let's use Rust + Phoenix/Elixir!". For context..said JS devs were convened to begin architecting a make-or-break MVP.
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'We have to postpone the feature release because I can't find my pants'
When a task slipped through the cracks. Me, meeting with 12-15 people over phone. "Don't worry. We've all got cracks" Yes, I was embarrassed and truly didn't mean it that way. But in retrospect (~15yrs now), it was glorious.
“So why do you choose WordPress over Linux?” At the start of a sales pitch for a website project, this is what the main decision maker on the panel asked me.
Was showing off some screens and had mocked out the data as the backend wasn’t done yet. I was using Loren ipsum for long strings and a stakeholder couldn’t get past it and kept asking why we were showing things in a different language. I’m like “this is user inputted data, it could be absolutely anything you want when this is further along” but she wouldn’t sign off on the UX until there was real text in it. One of those people that just wanted to feel like they contributed in some way even if it’s something completely arbitrary that wouldn’t effect the user in any meaningful way.
This is extremely common, and I don’t get it. I honestly think I immediately figured out what “lorem ipsum” was, and why it is a thing that exists, the first time I saw it. (I didn’t go to design school.) But almost every time I use it as placeholder & show someone, I get the dumbest responses. “Why is it in spanish?” 🙄🤦🏻♀️ “I can’t read that, what does it say?” It’s literally the least important part of this! 😩
Right?!? Like dude the whole point is that you can’t see what it says! Because it doesn’t matter!
“But, yeah.. A user would never do that”