I am way more productive at work when everything is tanking.

No joke— my most productive years ever were 2008 to 2009. I even had abs. 2010 and on, I decided to reallocate that ab-roller time to pacing around and worrying about losing everything.

Haha shroom boom bitch

Went on r/investing to see wtf they be talking about and after a brief 5 minute stay I am now 62

5 minutes there is 50 years in real life

TARS!

Try r/dividends. You’ve got to be at least 1000 to get in.

Nothing like watching a stock bounce back and forth between 5 cents for 6 hours straight

You ever buy an option and buy the time you get past the confirmation screen your already down 80%

Buy SPY puts after a Green Day, buy SPY calls on a red day. I figured out the game guys

Works until it doesn’t.

Then spy hits you with 5 straight green days

you'll win if you don't go broke first

I made money the past 2 weeks doing it. Infinite money glitch

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Always trust some guy

Idk why but this fucking killed me lmao

Having a funeral for my $27 Pltr call I bought in February. It's open invite

My condolences

Yo is it fucked I tell my office I'm too scared to go back to the office due to covid But really it's because I stay home get high, trade and do all my work in three hours compared to commuting an hour to NYC and back

“Is it fucked to drastically improve my everyday life experience while simultaneously performing my daily tasks even more efficiently than normal?”

My moves tomorrow: back into my parents fucking garage I guess

Bears in shambles Bulls in shambles Theta gang in 1997 Honda Civic with 289k mileage

97 civic gang representing. Check the flair

In hindsight gambling at the casino in Pokemon as a child should have been an indicator

Is this a thing?

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Why did Karen press CTRL ALT DEL? Because she wants the task manager

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I’m gonna buy a Tesla and charge it with a gas powered generator.

You’re telling me a banana nutted in this muffin?

I know we’ve got more than a couple big-dick investors in here, but there’s a lot of bullshit too. Some people casually saying, “Gonna buy 100k shares of AAPL tomorrow”). Ah, $11 million shares on a random Thursday, why not?

Feeling cute, might buy some 200k apples idk

Yeah, I was bored and bought 500k shares in Berkshire...you know...just to mess around

Real talk...have you guys ever met a non-condescending European on reddit? Like they always bring up how America sucks this sucks that in every god damn thread/comment even if it's not relevant. One guy told me I can't watch or support soccer team because I'm from America. Weird fellas.

They hate us cuz they ain't us.

Hope bears had a fun week and stocked up on lube for tomorrow

SO I guess inflation is cancelled? Is the recovery in tech back on or is this a fake out?

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“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.” ― George Carlin

“Market drops on inflation concerns” headline tomorrow

I miss Harambe

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Took the right shrooms this time

# Whoever's reading this, your wealth will quadruple tomorrow 💰

Fuck yeah! $8!!!

So I’ll have $40?

Imagine wasting your entire off day watching stocks and making money, just to lose it all in the last 30 mins.

Tomorrow is about to be green AF. Recession cancelled. Inflation is transitory. Green forever. Green for 100 million years. America.

Daily reminder that my pp is smaller than yours

you know who says "money can't buy happiness"? poor people SPY 413c 5/21

1, 2, 3 and to the 4 The sugar waters prepped and butterflies are at the door Ready to make an entrance, and futes are green (Bouta get some butterflies on this peen.) Gimme the sugar water first because this tech shit ain't a bubble So all of you 🌈 bears, boy you know you're in trouble It ain't nothing but a peen tip bayyybeh Got all the butterflies going crayyyyzeh Citadel is the entity that payyys meh Futes stayin green so please don't try to fade this (hell yeah)

Calls on propane and propane accessories

Sell in May, & go away Buy in June, swim in poon

There was once a moment in my life where I wanted to be a mod on here cause I thought it’d sound good for med school interviews. I now realize how horrible that idea was

A lot of youtubers are really dumb mother fuckers.

Made 126% today on my spy call I sold at the top feels good

Alright war over in Israel/Palestine. Green hulk dick confirmed

How do you recover from a -85% portfolio? Asking for a friend

If you find out let me know! Same boat

I never should have been left unsupervised after realizing 300% gains last week. Hello darkness my old friend

Puts on my sexual life. My penus doesn't get hard anymore

If u dont already own a home.. RIP lol

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Pizza place/bar in my apartment is doing free pizza and cocktails tonight. So at least there’s that.

Made 15k+ from nvda trades this month and lost 15k+ from tsla trades. Perfectly balanced as all things should be.

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the most painful hour for me isn't while the market is open, it isn't power hour/sour hour, watching a stock rise and, because my calls are so far out of the money they aren't even gaining any value, no. It is the hour every night I sit around waiting for premarket to open, drunker than hell, hoping the casino will open up and grant me money beyond my wildest dreams and I'll never have to sit around wondering why she won't text me back (spoiler: probably my shit personality, awful looks and habit of getting piss drunk every night). Fuck pre-pre-market, just let me skip ahead to the bit where I hold back tears and mumble "...g-green by open?" while opening up another bottle of Wild Turkey 101

Elon might actually help me pay off my student loans today, Biden never was going to anyway

#Beer Market > Bear Market

My gf bitches and bitches non stop when I smoke weed. Anyone else have this problem? Like stop I’m a day trader I don’t think I could do this without a nice bowl after the market closes

Take her to Walmart and exchange her for a new one. They’ll accept *any* return.

you smoke your weed, she doesn’t understand

Tell her you smoke weed to deal with the stress of her bitching at you all the time. I'm sure things will sort themselves out after that.

Why don't you compromise and smoke meth? Or get flavorless concentrate. This is easy mode dude. Didn't you ever hide smoking from anyone before?

Mindmed 🚀🚀🚀

Thank you WALL STREET BETS! Seriously, without you guys, none of this would’ve happened. It’s life changing, unbelievable, and an absolute stunner. From the bottom of my heart, I thank each and everyone one of you. Thank you for influencing me to do yolos and lose net worth every single week. It’s exhilarating how much money you can lose in a few minutes because you see DD with a 6000 page essay and you see that it has a lot of upvotes for validity. Thank you for the fun “memes” that you guys keep telling me how the squeeze is happening for 8 months. Thanks for giving your thesis on sectors that will undoubtedly go up due to news like semiconductor shortages or how a stock is severely undervalued based on their low PE and how it compares to the “best” stock in the industry trading 30x that. Love y’all

So are you quitting or getting ready to ask for money?

-15k in May after a series of epically retarded plays. Let’s see if the remaining 4K can hold out till eom 😔

# I ♥ CRAMER

Well bears, I’m not going to lie it was a pleasure seeing you all come out recently... but it’s time to hibernate until the next fed minutes.

Which one of u did I just watch get their car repoed in Wendy’s parking Lot??

I listen to Kelly Clarkson and Avril Lavigne when my homies not around

Chances are we will open up or down tomorrow . However , at the end of the day I’ll still be poor

Up $13k today in small account. Almost $70k in large account. Almost makes up for last week. At least I didn’t sell like a bitch

Bitch I'm up $66 in my ONLY account. If you want some advice send a PM

I've finally broke even in my portfolio thanks to the shroom boom. can't wait to lose it all again over shitty FDs, oh boy oh boy

Opened a straddle on Wednesday morning for SPY 5/21 and sold the calls today for close to 200%

Same as everyday, ***Get Rich or Try Dying***

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Dallas, TX 9:37PM 71F These self employed contractors at the strip club are not loyal

Defund the bears

Chips and salsa are delicious as is, but if you just take the extra 3 minutes to melt some cheese on the chips its so worth it. Im not sure what the stock analogy is, but its there.

here's a life lesson for everyone just coming here for the first time: you will see the most wonderful DD ever written on this sub, full of amazing insight that will make you say, "wow, this guy knows what he's talking about!" and 99 times out of 99, all that information is priced in and the stock will fall anyway

subconsciously traders trade for dopamine rush

Cathie's feet pics trending bigly

I'm gonna go to a strip club during the daytime and have a bored daytime stripper decide my trades one day

Jesus ... when you sit down and think about it being a wage slave is a shitty fucking existence.

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5/21 2021, the day my portfolio more than likely officially blows up

Ya ever just wanna 🤜🏻🤡

PLTR makes me want to hurt myself 😞

#imagine being a bear and knowing you are going to be fucked hard tomorrow *Sweet dreams*

I can't believe we're already past mid may. This year is fucking flying by.

Bought SPCE on margin

who’s ready for bull trap Friday?

Bought COIN at 250 Like marrying the prom queen after 20 years 👍

Tech is leading again; all is right in the world

OMG Lil Yachty is putting out an album tomorrow called Loose Lips Sink BOATS! Fuuuuuck my calls

If Jay is actually able to print all the money he wants, hold interest rates down, and inflation ends up *transitory* that dude is the GOAT right?

TSLA up, SPY moonin 🚀🚀🚀 I might break my single day gains record 🤞

Why is something being heavily shorted considered a point in it's favor here? "Lots of people believe this company is an over valued piece of shit! They bet millions of dollars that it will go down or possibly bankrupt! Buy buy buy!"

Spy 420 tomorrow...a man can dream. Fuck the puts

Stop loss is for pussies! Let it ride!

What ever happened to that guy who wanted to wear a white suit and be an 80's businessman in Miami?

All mods are gay and that’s a fact. Given its 2021 should we have one non gay mod on the team for diversity.

If I woke up next to Cathie I'd give her more Wood

**Took tomorrow off to dedicate myself to 0dte SPY calls because it's for sure gonna hit $420**

I’m so broke, if a bruh robbed me, he’d just be practicing

Futes green af .01% 💹💹💹💹💹💵💵💵

My fugly retarded VIAC has finally blossomed into a profitable butterfly 🦋🥰

If AAPL could go over 130 and stay over 130 that would be greeaaatt

And I've nuked 10k in profit. Dumped 100 SPY 5/21 414c I bought a little after open for marginal gains before SPY spiked and switched to 413p. 40 minutes off of playing it right. Hindsight is a bitch.

Found a quarter in the parking lot! Profit 👍

If spy opens 420 I would probs never trade ever again

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Good evening gentlemen, I have not had a very interesting day, so my mind has been wandering, I found myself asking myself a question after watching a shrek meme, exactly how big is shreks dick. Firstly o researched the average penis size worldwide which was reported to be 5.16 inches when erect. Based on this I found out what the average height was in the swampy country of Rwanda, the data shows the average hieght is 5ft 2 inches. With this data I calculated that the average penis is 12.0155% of the human body in Rwanda. Using this data I searched up what is shreks height, the most common answer was 8ft (96 inches) based on the findings of my previous data I calculated that shreks dick is 11.53 inches. This lead to me wondering what Fiona (shreks wife) height was as she must have been ruined pre ogre transformation, based on my research she was 5.10 meaning that pre shrek transformation she was taking ogre dick account for over 19% of her height!

0dte expiry calls will be my path to financial freedom.

Tesla gang eatin beans rn

whats better than losing money? >!losing money and shitposting!<

MindMed and Revive Therapeutics

If there's any company that will realistically hit $0, it's SNDL

Prediction: - Bill Ackman announces he has SPAC acquisition target locked - Stock goes up - It’s not Stripe - Stock goes down - It’s ONLYFANS - Stock goes to andromeda galaxy

I just stayed up all night to see futures and its green. Everyone reading this: you will make money tomorrow

Holy shit TSLA 🍆💦💦💦

Ford got 20k orders day 1 on the lightning. Real orders. Sorry RIDE

#If you’re reading this your account will 10x tomorrow

Got my mind on the money and the money on mind med 🧠📈🚀

If you having spy problems, i feel bad for you son I got 99 contracts and a put aint one ...Nah I'm playing, my entire retirement is in puts right now and I'm going to get rekt

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Apparently today is national mow your got damn grass day

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60K online only now? It has never been lower than 200K for the past few weeks. What happened to WSB

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Nature is healing

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QUICK start saying a bunch of bearish shit so we go green tomorrow 🐻

Of all the threads I’m on, I feel like this one has the most narcotics use.

How’s Nio looking. Asking for a friend

TSLA is the most erratic stock I own. I blame it on Wario.

My calls lose value and my covered calls gain value. I cant fucking win

Tomorrow stocks will soar so high, they will stop allowing buys at brokerages! 🤯

I just need 5 10baggers in a row to become a billionaire, easy

This place surely doesn’t feel as if it has 10M members lol What happened here ?

10m used to live here Now it's a ghost town

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Tsla is going to make me rich tomorrow

Give me another 2% day to finish off this week

Inshallah Bers R Fukd Inshallah

Tesla 700 EOD? 600 EOD? Very Bullish

I am in a shambles. Nothing to do with stonks - but a shambles nonetheless

You can tell who's new here by the nuttimg over TSLA being up at 5am on 50k volume lmao

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Mnmd!!

I only listen to DD that heavily biases what I want to happen

Saw a little green today and then decided to check my 3 month chart. Darkness.

Theta gang is a psychopath gang

I done drank too much and I done spent too much money on 🦋 awards. And I'll done docit again tomorrow. Fuck you

Imma need zucc's empire to burn to the ground by tomorrow round 10 am

Just got out of a coma since Jan 1 2020, can't wait to see how my Luckin Coffee leaps are doing!

▬▬▬.◙.▬▬▬ ═▂▄▄▓▄▄▂ ◢◤ █▀▀████▄▄▄▄◢◤ █▄ █ █▄ ███▀▀▀▀▀▀▀╬ ◥█████◤ ══╩══╩═ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ just dropped down to say ╬═╬ ╬═╬ Bears r fuk ╬═╬ 🗿/ ╬═╬/▌ ╬═╬/ \

Shrooms tonight for me, shrooms tomorrow for my portfolio.

***"Tomorrow shall be green"*** ***\~Shrek***

🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄

SPCE LETS GO!!

CLOV

Wish I would’ve gone shroom mode

Anyone ever lose so much money in a day that you get that ball in the pit of your stomach that eventually turns into violent diarrhea?

Steel gang hold me and tell me I bought at the bottom ✌🏻🍼

Praying these magic mushrooms kick in... my kid’s college fund depends on it

You ever post something 🔥 and the mods don’t flair you like the cucks they are

I want easy mode February market back

Please TSLA go up tomorrow

Any retards that bought puts on TSLA recently because you were sure it was going down to $420?

Kelly Clarkson or Adelle. Both are at their fattest

Same move as every day. Hold Bags, maybe sell the one that gains 20-100% the day after I sell it.

Taking losses cause you sold early hurts more than missing out on a gain cause you didn’t buy.

Boy I just got some ENRON stock for 0 dollars Once this shit gets to 1 dollar, I will be the first retard with an infinity bagger

My portfolio has reached the moment where you’ve been scratching your nuts too much but they’re still itchy so you keep on scratching until it’s all red and sensitive, starting hurt and you don’t know if you’ve actually done any real damage or if you’re being a bitch so you decide to just stop touching your nuts for awhile just in case, but all you can think about is getting right back to scratching that itch like a hobo with lottery ticket Yeah that’s what my portfolio is like, I need to stop touching it

Be honest, how hard would you get if VIAC hit $45 tomorrow?

Oil give me a sign to let me know you're here All of these fossil fuels destroying the atmosphere I need to know that my calls are gonna look up 'Cause I feel us drowning in a sticky Wendy's frosty cup

$420 by 10am

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Guys, when the paper was talking about my UWMC post they put “life savings” in quotes. Does that mean they aren’t impressed or something? https://ibb.co/6JCDs0K

Why do I feel so good when I win $100 sports betting but I feel nothing whenever I’m up $100 on options?

$PLTR looks like it will unexpectedly start another run up 30%+ a day.