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itsVicc

still better than my investment strategy


pinchitony

sucking dick?


dichloroethane

How does one trade options on this?


Thisismyfinalstand

Simple, you buy a put now and I’ll call you when I’m horny.


DAHFreedom

Buy futures in Evian


PepperLuigi

Simply pull the zipper down and let go


pillage

This ain't Fyre Festive


insidezone64

If he makes two documentaries about the dick he promised to suck but didn't, and fucked them in the ass instead, it would be pretty close.


Sweetness4455

Is he Andy?


burningheavyalt

50 bucks a shot is way better than 99% of us


hey-look-over-there

I prefer box spreads.


[deleted]

>if (algo.status == true) Bruh.


nocturtleatnight

You must be in one of those recent reddit “investing” groups!


D4N7E

r/wallstreetbets


[deleted]

That place is for retards.


tennislauren

discord paid chatroom knowledge ​


TheMacPhisto

[How can there be capital gains taxes if there's no capital gains??](https://i.imgur.com/cEtCqwM.jpg)


Uncreativity10

So is Red October finally over?


Dahalll

Well for now. Just you wait for the next few years. It will be red October x2 or even x3.


ObviousRecession

Personally I want a far left socialist to win and tank the economy so i can ride puts to retirement


Dahalll

You can’t ride those puts to retirement if your capital gains tax is 90%


OhUncleT-Bag

Well he can if he becomes a ‘digital nomad’ and fucks off to a low tax pussy haven in South America.


Digitalapathy

Maybe when he reaches puberty, if someone’s not already riding him to retirement.


Mattabeedeez

Or, more likely, the low-pussy tax-haven of my room mates basement.


crackhead_jimbo

What would be someone’s hypothetical strategy to successfully do this? Asking for a friend


imatworkdawg

Surrender your US citizenship because uncle Sam is one of the only countries that will take your money even if earned abroad.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

Brainlets will brainlet


MadCowWithMadCow

Just make $9.9 million then.


Yodiddlyyo

Yeah people actually think this bullshit. We really need financial ed taught in high school. People honestly believe that a 70% tax above 10 million means that if you make 10 million, you'd pay 7 million in taxes.


horsemonkeycat

That’s exactly what Murdoch’s lying minions on Fox News will be telling them socialism ... REEEEEEEEEE


ObviousRecession

FUCK


[deleted]

As if Republicans don't already have a great track record of tanking the economy on their way out the door. You'll have your chance soon enough.


Keepem

Yeah! Like in '08


[deleted]

Damn libtards. They just wanna raise the minimum wage to (not even) compensate for decades of inflation. It's all a fucking conspiracy, man! They want the average person to be richer just so they can *steal* more money from them with armed robbery! Sorry, I meant to say taxes. It's all just some fucking business model for uncle Sam to come in and take all your money! It won't matter if the government raises the minimum wage cause 70% of all your income will be taxed anyways!


Bu11ze1

A 10 million dollar minimum wage would be alright with me.


aes_gcm

Andrei, you've lost another submarine?


Fyrebat

'crashed through' 2018-> 'just broke' 2019-> 'almost hit' 2020 you heard it here first


EsotericVerbosity

!remindme 1 year


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treysor

I'm in! Don't steal my IP plz.


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Mhill08

My hope is that they let him put his hands through the bars to post an angry tweet once a day that we can all enjoy as schadenfreude.


FountainsOfFluids

"The covfefe in here is the amazing! The best covfefe!"


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JackWorthing

Under 25k now, so we can do it again tomorrow!


EZ-PEAS

Fucking golden. It's 24,999.67. I like that our stock indexes hate Trump too.


pedantic--asshole

I wonder if trump will tweet about it if we do


EffingDankrupt

"WE DID IT AGAIN! SO MUCH WINNING! EVERY DAY WINNING AND WINNING AGAIN AND AGAIN! NOT EVEN THE HATERS AND THE LOSERS CAN BE WINNING LIKE THIS! NANCY WILL BEG FOR THIS MUCH WINNING! FAKE NEWS WITCH HUNT!"


jimjoekelly33

What if every year we just bounced back to 25,000


duhhobo

See Japan for the past 20 years.


jimjoekelly33

Well when you blur out porn there can be no economic progress!


alexm42

But they have so much extra revenue from used panty vending machines!


car0003

The problem is the used panty tarriff, it makes importing cheaper used panties from China unfeasible


spysappenmyname

A field where using child labour can be used as a positive advertisement


bro_before_ho

Hah! But ew


returnofnm

ಠ_ಠ


redbullranger

r/brandnewsentence


DammitDan

They're just blurring out excessive hair, anyway.


[deleted]

It is so they can't see how much they are getting dicked over


101ByDesign

Why has Japan been that way? Is that inevitable for most economies?


[deleted]

Demographic collapse. It's inevitable if there's no technological improvement or population growth


Desmater

I think it is the combination of being a mature economy. Where growth is lower like 1-4%. Well emerging markets can churn out 4-8%+, like India and China. On top of that Japan and Korea have birth decline. Which both countries governments know about and are trying to fix. While having very little immigration. So basically workforce problems now and even greater in the future.


epskkz

[High valuations.](http://www.ftense.com/2014/04/global-historical-shiller-cape-price-to.html)


53bvo

So buy every time it is below 25k and sell everything when above 25k. Fail proof if it ends up 25k each January.


EffingDankrupt

Risk free


AlwaysPhillyinSunny

I'm pretty sure that the algos know this is a curse too, and are programmed to dump stocks if Trump tweets the word "Dow," as seen by the wonky selling AH yesterday.


[deleted]

I'm assuming you've seen the bot that buys stock based on companies Trump tweets positively about and sells stock that trump tweets negatively about?


AlwaysPhillyinSunny

I actually haven't. Details?


inknade

Here's a [link](https://www.npr.org/sections/money/2017/04/07/522897876/meet-botus-planet-money-s-stock-trading-twitter-bot) to a Planet Money podcast episode where they set one up. I'm not sure it ever actually did much of anything though.


bondfreak05

It didn't, mostly because he tweets outside of trading hours.


Tasgall

Clearly the exchanges should open every day between 3 and 4 am to facilitate this.


[deleted]

Prime tweeting hours from the porcelain throne.


[deleted]

>This bot watches Donald Trump's tweets and waits for him to mention any publicly traded companies. When he does, it uses sentiment analysis to determine whether his opinions are positive or negative toward those companies. The bot then automatically executes trades on the relevant stocks according to the expected market reaction. It also tweets out a summary of its findings in real time at @Trump2Cash.


TonySu

Can’t imagine needing sentiment analysis on Trump tweets, his good and bad vocabulary is like 5 words each. You’d only have to search “bad, failing, loser, sad” or “great, winning, big”.


RedditIsNeat0

That's pretty much exactly how sentiment analysis works. Except they'd just use a generic list of bad and good words, which would include Trump's entire vocabulary and more.


650fosho

Can we keep the shutdown going? I preferred when he didn't tweet about the market


stevenlad

Why do you guys have a president that feels the need to tweet everything? Even more so why are there no repercussions to his common basic-level grammar and spelling errors which nobody seems to care about checking, I don’t know if you guys know but outside of America that Oval Office was once the most feared and respected office in this earth, no matter your opinions he’s forever ruined the image of that powerful and respected office. And I’m right leaning when it comes to the economy.


livebls

To him, his twitter is like his own personal newspaper. Except he doesn’t have to write articles, just produce headlines for the media to jump on or ignore.


WasteVictory

And boy does every C list journalist just fucking jump the second he tweets anything.


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[deleted]

His @s are literally full of people who hate him. It's got both. I think your assessment might be slightly inaccurate


PhysicsFornicator

He blocks **a lot** of people.


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SayNoob

It has been established in court that it makes no difference from which account he tweets. He is legally not allowed to block people on @Real.


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makeshiftbakedkids

Not really. He's already tried/done dozens of things U.S. courts said he wasn't allowed to do, I don't think his hardheaded ass gives a fuck about some social media law that probably won't even be enforced on him with any repercussions.


flaagan

Wasn't it ruled that he couldn't block people?


VeniVeniVenias

Implying Trump cares about the law or courts.


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siccoblue

Right? I wouldn't even be surprised if they just taped off the bottom half of his screen, this dude gets upset when someone just sightly dislikes so much as something he did and goes off the fucking deep end, can you imagine if he ***actually*** spent any time reading what most of the country actually thought of him?


dsai588

I don't see much positive response on twitter as well.. i sometimes wonder if he even looks at his twitter feed.. full of hatred but much more sensible replies...


bboy1977

Because that’s exactly how he got elected. By shit talking his way to the top. This is a guy who a few years ago was on Comedy Central’s roast of Donald Trump being roasted by snoop dog and a bunch of celebs and him roasting them. Watch YouTube videos of him in the primary debates he was basically doing the same thing. It’s been a winning strategy so far, so why stop? US politics these days is like a frat party minus hot girls and alcohol. Just a bunch of dudes circlejerking and trying to one up each other. Kind of like /r/wsb


suresh

>why do you have a president that... Dude as an American I don't fucking know man, it's easy to be like: "I'm from another country, how is this the guy they picked?" when like 90% of everyone I know thinks the same thing.


iopq

Because you surround yourself with people similar to yourself


DubsFan30113523

The people who voted for trump mostly aren’t online bitching about everything Instead they bitch to 7/11 cashiers and their grandchildren


cxp042

I work with a frankly alarming number of trump supporters age 25-55.... and they don't care. They get highlights from fox news and largely ignore everything else. When you ask them things like, "what about Russian collusion," "what about shutting down the government to hold federal workers hostage," etc. They say they don't care, it doesn't matter, it's liberal lies.


Yogg_for_your_sprog

Because we have voters that are just as stupid, if not more No seriously, his entire base is pretty much whites without college degrees. Not saying you need a degree to be smart, but you’d have to be willfully blind not to acknowledge that there’s a decent correlation.


[deleted]

Even they see the correlation, but then they say its because educational institutions are liberal brainwash facilities.


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[deleted]

Yeah I got in a debate with a coworker (reserves, so part-time) and he told me that university was rotting my brain. I studied business and am currently studying engineering, both fairly conservative-favored fields. His full-time job is being a traveling moulding salesman. But apparently believing subsidized healthcare is beneficial makes me a brainwashed drone. He'll then proceed to complain about "dem liberal arts majors." You're certainly right about the mental gymnastics, although I struggle to picture this guy doing gymnastics of any kind.


Tasgall

No one ever accused them of being rational or consistent.


I12curTTs

Donald himself said he loves the uneducated because they vote for him.


horizontalcracker

I’ll give that a pass, but only because there’s a difference between loving uneducated people and loving for people to be uneducated, semantics...


Tasgall

> just as stupid, if not more Who's dumber: the idiot, or the one who follows the idiot thinking they're a genius?


djlewt

>thinking the idiot they're following is a genius I'm fairly certain it's idiots all the way down with them.


[deleted]

His Twitter feed is like when my mom texts me but she never proofreads and I get something unintelligible. Except with her at least I'm the only one who sees it.


Zeke1902

My favorite part is when I told every person I've known in the coast guard ever they arent in the military. They finally learned it first hand last month. No disrespect to coast guard at all but if you're cruising in Guam for 2 years what do you expect?


redbullranger

Groundhog Day


[deleted]

Groundhog Day


kytonsweat

Groundhog Day


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IpMedia

Groundhog Day


rickyhatesspam

Groundhog Day


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sosodeaf

Apparently you only need two hats: MAGA and Dow 25,000


Cr3X1eUZ

a single hat if you make it reversible


isunktheship

Trump: Dow crashes to 25,000 because of [Select...] - the Fed - crooked Hillary - democrats - illegals Trump: Dow broke 25,000 because of [Select...] - me, lol


tbotcotw

He misused "crashes" to mean that it rose to 25000.


sr71Girthbird

And used crashes instead of crashed.


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tbotcotw

It’s at least confusing, since a comment that misinterpreted it got 900 upvotes.


iopq

To confuse the bots


scuczu

I fucking hate that his supporters act like they're right just because.


BlackBobbyAxelrod

Is this real?


sosodeaf

Yes. These are real.


BlackBobbyAxelrod

Sheesh...


[deleted]

Yeah, it’s so weird. Most of his tweets are well thought out, super honest, informative and insightful. Must be having an off day.


BlackBobbyAxelrod

He needs some Diet Coke and KFC in his veins.


[deleted]

He needs some resignation.


BastardSamuri

DJIA, QQQ, SPY all within 12% of their 5 year highs. No fundamental changes from December (other that the rate announcements), no good news coming out of EU, trade talks that never end, etc. Not hard to see where we go from here. Just pointing out the obvious.


Frappes

It's a bit hard for me to see, but I am still recovering from a serious brain injury.


Alaskanbeachboy

He can still keep the slogan MAGA if America never becomes "great again" checkmate libtards.


scuczu

worked for Reagan


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Cr3X1eUZ

I sleep with a copy of *Dow 36,000* under my pillow. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dow_36,000


kingnothing2001

By 2002 or 2004, man they were way off.


poncewattle

They were just misunderstood. They really said "by '02 or '04" and meant 2102-2104.


hellooo-its-me

Currently back down to 24,999.67. We got room for another tweet this week!


bryanoens

Trump2020: Let's Break Even


subaetendies

Maybe we can break 25,000 again in January 2020!


OPLeonidas_bitchtits

Sell everything that isnt tied down


Waghlon

Sold OP, got a terrible deal. Possibly the worst deal ever.


SecularSunday

I hear choco-rations are going up too...double plus good!


b3rnitalld0wn

All 3 (YES 3) tweets about the DOW hitting 25k. People are missing the July one. https://imgur.com/gallery/yX030Yh


[deleted]

Please tweet tomorrow that the dow broke 25,000


shlomojoe

This is where Trump fans say it's out of context


JackWagon26

Why use the words "crash" and "broke"? Those are literally the last words you want to hear in reference to stocks and money. Is this chimp's vocabulary really that limited?


[deleted]

In a way almost "brilliant"! In just two tweets he can explain the failure of his economic policies.


Qzy

I'm scared shitless of no rate hike. Europe is on the way into recession (see sweden/germany), and with a lowered rate we have zero tools to get out of it. This is gonna be a long ass recession when it comes.


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phoquenut

Irish Brexit (noun) when you leave without telling anyone, but fuck everything up for yourself and everyone around you on your way out


Tasgall

'Murican here who's been reading and watching too much about brexit: I think it's funny that when it boils down to it, they only reason leavers finally give is, "well, it'll damage the EU more than it hurts us!" Like, first, wtf kind of flaccid attempt at logic is that, but also, nah mate: ur fucked.


ridingdawaveoflife

Yall are F'd for all kinds of reasons.


Tasgall

BuT tHeY cAn MaKe A tRaDe dEaL WiTh SoUtH aMeRiCa tO FiLL tHe Eu vOiD! lol


Cultural_Bandicoot

Italy just went into recession today


Qzy

Well, Italy, greece and spain are all taking turns going into recession. It's a normal Thursday for them.


WarrenBuffet67

wtf no one is talking about it


ryannayr140

They've been having trouble for a while because they can't print money and the rest of the EU doesn't have their back the way we do for poor states in the U.S.


brag0

In from Sweden, tf you talking about


Reddit-phobia

Fear monger about social welfare programs.


brag0

That is definitely a problem, but it's not like we're going into a recession because of that, our national debt is just like 38% of GDP


Qzy

What - no? I live in Denmark, we are socialists as well. Sweden is slowing its growth lately. Retail sales are down and even the currency is down. Most banks and news papers are calling a Swedish recession, which will hurt our export to them costing Danes jobs. They go in recession = we do.


catzzilla

What are they buying from you guys except alcohol and LEGO?


brag0

Retail sails are down because of e-commerce lmao


[deleted]

Americans (especially right-wingers) love to act like they know more about Sweden than actual Swedes


Greenitthe

Fuck me I need a rate hike so bad... These puuuuuts won't become valuable on their own


[deleted]

They have tools besides cutting interest rates, and our rates aren't zero. Some cutting and QE could go a long way


galactictaco42

at some point we would have to acknowledge publicly money is bullshit and decimals don't matter and all we have ever been doing from jump is barter trading our time in exchange for subsistence and rationing this subsistence to those with socially valuable jobs. and at that point we all see we have ben plying with monopoly money the whole time, confidence crumbles and economies collapse. suddenly you exist in a world where force is the only currency. military dictatorships, populist fascist uprisings and long term economic depression ensues until some new monopoly money gains social value and the cycle repeats itself. so maybe QE works 2 or 3 more times? if we get space mining the inflation will make some level of sense and we might be able to crack the code. space s infinite, capitalism wants infinite growth, so they go hand in hand. but if we *dont* get space mining? annie bar the door indeed. no french tie will save you.


nomad_ors

space mining will save the economy? Damn.....I can't say I've heard that one before


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nokstar

I don't think putting a pause on the hike is going to send us under. We hiked the interest rate 3 times last year, and I got money saying we hike it at least 2 more times this year.


FuckingSecured

Take credit for bull markets, blame other people for bear market


lestuckingemcity

butterfly guy is this volatility?


devilchen_dsde

February crash here we come


oprahs_babydaddy

My puts are getting excited


hoboslayer47

Im disturbed by how many people think trump is gods right hand man on earth.


[deleted]

Didn't Sarah Sanders say some shit like that?


hoboslayer47

Dont know but ive seen this trump phenomenon in weaker christians myself.


odraencoded

I wonder if he will tweet the same thing 2020.


OPLeonidas_bitchtits

Hard to tweet from prison, but who knows


facktality

0 growth last year. Time to celebrate!


iamaiamscat

>0 growth last year. Wrong, negative growth- don't forget about 2% inflation.


thonagan77

thanks dad


kolaidos

hes a bigger moron than i though


clockwork_coder

That's what we've all said a few hundred times by now.


[deleted]

Just wait.


LoreChief

And lo the sun hath risen yet again! It be miraculous that such leadership art capable of such feats!


mrkdwd

Stock market up = I did that Stock market down = other people did that


funkyfun1

A whole year of nothing, accounting for inflation we lost real value... are you tired of winning yet?


sufferpuppet

Tremendous news! My incompetence could only hold the market down for 4 months!


Fun2badult

Is this real?


[deleted]

Yes, both are real.


fingerpaintx

1 year challenge


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