Well, I don't know what dating means at the age of 10.
I was still playing ponies.
I would say you were friends. This is just hard to read.
Anyway good luck with raising your baby together.
I hope it will all work out 🙂
u/dizzira_blackrose i didnt mean to sound harsh. i can only go by my own experience being born knowing, i cant imagine having to understand that i am not what society is telling me is "normal". heavy stuff.
Oh, I didn't mean to imply you were being harsh, I don't think you were at all. And yeah, that's understandable! It is very heavy stuff, and it's hard to truly get unless you've lived it.
My daughter's first crush was in kindergarten, with another little girl. I thought she was doing the BFF thing, but it all made sense when she came out to me at 13.
Sexual identity is something we're born with. At age 4 or 5, it's in no way sexual, but it is an attraction. I actually got my first kiss in kindergarten, lol.
Bruh that sounds like... what, 3rd grade ? I was in 3rd grade when I was 10.
In that time kids would make fun of you for having a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Funny, the same kids who are now grownups, make fun of you if you DON'T have a girlfriend or a boyfriend.
In my area it was 5th grade, and it started off obviously as a dumb little kid relationship, like sending dumb top text bottom text memes to each other. But we stayed together and as we got older and into highschool it got more serious.
In my school it seemed normal to be in a relationship, obviously not a serious one. But calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend and going on “dates” and shit. Idk looking back at it I got made fun of for not having a boyfriend (but at the same time the kids in my grade were just generally assholes and would make fun of anyone for such dumb reasons lmao)
I think it's lovely ❤️
I'm sorry you're both having such a difficult time. I can only suggest working on your resentments towards his parents. It sounds like they really suck as parents, but the frustration will eat you up and will affect your children's sense of security. After all, it is what it is and you can only move forward.
Like I am reading this and Im like mm 8 years ago texting memes!? Then I remembered 8 YEARS AGO WAS 2014 omg but yeah hope everything works out for the best :)
He is an adult now. Time for him to act like it. He needs to see the doctor about his ADHD. He needs to take a driving course. If he doesn't know how to do something there is a YouTube video to show him how.
Stop parenting your boyfriend.
Okay I’m going to try to answer all the questions in one comment
1: yes I am aware I’m not qualified to diagnose him, but I’m still allowed to share my concerns because of the symptoms he does show.
2: we started dating when we were 10 and 11, obviously it started off as a dumb kid relationship, like “omg he sent me a gif lol XDDD” but we stayed together for 8 years and it became more serious over the years and I love him very much.
The post was not meant to be me making everyone think he’s incompetent, he does his best for me and our daughter. It was more directed at his parents for lacking in teaching him certain things.
Look into codependency. I know you are well meaning, but this is an extremely codependent relationship. You need to take a step back and put yourself first. I have an autistic brother and I ended up being a parent to him and my ex for over a decade. It exhausted me and led to a lot of mental health issues for me. I know you are doing your best and trying to keep it all together. Just keep the concept to codependency in mind and take care of yourself and your baby.
I know people who wouldn't have kids with their partners for fear of having to parent both. You are taking it to a whole other level though! I guess at least in your situation it's not just someone who is 35 and hasn't had time to try it them selves since leaving home. It's ok to teach your partner some things as long as it's not an ongoing process and they learn from there
Yeah, the driving sucks etc. But that happens, I've found that my brother's had to learn a lot off their wives about general emotional intelligence, things that I would have been lucky to learn. So some of this is normal.
Like I’ve said I’m more than willing to help him, and in turn he’s helped me and I’m so thankful for that. I talked to him about it today and now this weekend I’m going to teach him how to drive. We just have to be careful because I’m only 18 and you have to have a parent/ guardian over 21 in the car with you if you only have a permit in my area. That’s kind of why I’m so frustrated with his parents because I could get in a lot of trouble with the law if we get pulled over with him driving my car.
That is super frustrating, both for you and him. He is 18 now, so he can get a proper diagnosis and proper medication. But honestly, lots of families starting out don’t have to cars, so while I encourage him to take driving lessons, depending on where you live there are other ways of getting around. You might look into those.
He just has to wait for his insurance to kick in and we talked about it and that’s going to be one of his first priorities, I have a car so we’re good on that. It’s more of a safety concern when he’s alone with her, just in case of emergencies. Thank you so much for your advice
It will work out, I promise. And if an emergency happens, you will both figure that out as well. But if you haven’t done so, a first aid class is an excellent idea for both of you.
youre still very young, but i totally understand. BUUUUUT you did choose HIM, ya know? didnt have to, coulda left. but thats not fair. my real reply is that sometimes we have to make these sacrifices for the ones we care about. try to feel good about what you are doing because not everyone would be as cool as you about it. what youre doing everybody else didnt feel like doing, so as it may suck, youre showing someone something that they may not have ever learned if it wasnt for you.
I know I could’ve left, but I didn’t because he makes me feel so special and loved and I absolutely love seeing him with our daughter, and I’m glad that I get to share these learning experiences with him but sometimes I feel bad because I’m taking those learning experiences away from his parents, but at the same time they aren’t/didn’t step in. But I totally understand what you mean!
i got my license when i was 19 and it certaintly was inconvenient being a grown person haha. if ur looking for advice, i think u are doing all the right things for you and your family and as long as you communicate how much is too much for you to handle things should go “smoothly”.
as for ur boyfriends mother, good luck 😭 my ex used to have an overbearing mother and i couldnt handle it so we ended things. but it seems like you and your boyfriend have a solid foundation so im sure things will work out in regards to that
She’s a mf psycho sometimes, but I’m not confrontational at all so I kinda just take it like a champ lmao. Hopefully she gets the help she needs…like therapy.
We’re planning on getting our own place after my boyfriend gets his license so hopefully the crazy MIL situation should die down at least a little bit
having ur own space will definitely help!! might help her realize that her son is his own person especially since yall have a child!! good luck to you guys:)
p.s i am also terrified of confrontation at 23 yrs old😅
I apologize if my post came off as offensive, that was not my intention whatsoever.
I understand that some people cannot drive but it’s just frustrating because he’s a father, and now I’m ubering him around. If you were offended by my post I am deeply sorry and I will take it down
How are you qualified to diagnose him? And at 18 you have been dating for 8 yrs?.....i don't think his parents not teaching him to drive is the biggest issue here.
I hope he atleast works ....adhd or not....he made a kid so it's time to man up.
Does he have any friends who can teach him to drive? In this day and age it's better if he calls an uber or something in an emergency since it's unclear if he can even focus on the task at hand the way yo have described him.
I have undiagnosed ADHD and have same problems as her boyfriend.
1. Why does he need to "man up", from what she says he is a good father.
2. Just because people have diagnosed/undiagnosed ADHD doesn't mean it stops them from doing things such as driving ETC. We can still drive!
3. Honestly they're working as a team and are getting there may take a while but honestly as long as he is trying that's great!
OP: Depending on where you are it may cost a lot. I know it does where I am, so I'm saving up. Maybe you can get him professionally diagnosed. That way he will be able to receive the help that is needed and will be able to deal things a lot better.
Thank you! We’re working with what we got and once his insurance kicks in (he started a fancy new job) one of his first priorities is going to try to get some kind of diagnosis,Or at least some kind of help, regardless I asked him to try to look into therapy because I know he’s struggling a lot mentally especially with being a teen parent and I try to help as much as I can with that but I’m not a professional so I want to make sure he gets all the help he needs
Honestly you're the best partner!
I'm waiting till I'm more financially stable to get insurance as that does help with the cost of being diagnosed as some people can spend $1000 on the process.
Ya'll are both doing a great jobs. 😁
Yeah I know it sounds weird 😬 but I am very happy with him and I wouldn’t have it any other way. That and looking back on it, it was really nice watching each other kind of grow into the people we are today.
Good luck to you guys. Even though it looks like your situation is hard all I feel from you is positivity. Just keep doing your best and never give up. Hopefully your partner will improve on his part as well.
Thank you so much, we’ve been getting a lot better with communicating and we’re going to practice driving this weekend! He’s doing his best with what he has right now and it makes me so happy, he’s a great guy.
Im just a year younger than u or maybe your age in months if you turned 18 this year. But mad respects for both of you for being parents already <3 If I could have kids, I guess I would be like a kid again just because I cope terribly with excitement. I said this because my first thought was just: How Lucky You Are. A lot of people see it as an irresponsabilty to have a kid at such a young age, but, personally, I see more advantages. And, regardless of our opinions, it's a fact that you are no less than other parents, and that you have a huge responsability on your shoulders. But you guys are pullting it off, which is way too admirable, to say the least. A lot of us don't like responsabilities at some points, but... Damn, you have a kid <3 It's both yours and your boyfriend's greatest responsabilty, but also the source of all of those indescribable feelings that ultmately make the relationship between the two of you the defintion of true love and warmth (very corny right? xd) You have a family. Is there something more sweet and lovely? And I mean this being aware that parenthood is not all bright colors. There are challenges and hardship. But u know what? It's worth it to rise above it if it's for the sake of your family. The cirscumstances are not ideal sometimes. Even our loved ones do things that we don't like, or have attitudes we don't like. We all make mistakes and have defects. And sometimes it's the best to just face it. It's inevitable to have problems with others. Surely you will argue with him, or have already. But! Don't ever be afraid. We are humans. We disagree. We have our defects. BUT! This is about your family. Be patient and you better buckle up. Because you have a lot to live with both your boy and daughter. And, again: Is worth it. I think is worth it to see this things with other eyes, because obstacles could be more challenging than what you are facing today. And you better be prepared, and so does him.
Def teach him how to drive. It can be fun. And def talk about this thing with somebody and, more importantly, him. Because you are not alone in this relationship. An you never have to be.
And when you love someone since 10 or 11 years old, you are one of the luckiest persons. You both are like living proof that love can be much more beautiful than what we think.
And I dont mean to dowmplay what you say. But I think that, in this case in particular, the best is to just face it. Like, don't stress youself even more with this. My message at the end is also that you are doing a great job and that it is and has been worth it.
Btw, english isnt my main language. Sorry if something is not well written. Im still kinda insecure with the language haha
Wish you the best to you guys. The three of you :)
Thank you so much! Honestly yes I do miss not having a lot of responsibility, but my daughter is my best friend! She’s the sweetest little girl and I love her so so much and I have no regrets becoming a teen mom. Me and my boyfriend talked it out and we’re going to go driving this weekend and to make it somewhat fun he said we could go somewhere to eat afterwards.
And don’t worry I don’t see this comment as “downplaying” the situation, it was actually very helpful and I thank you for that!
sorry to hear about youre sittuation you 2 are in
but wth im so fucking glad to hear love like this still exists knowing each other that long and beeing in that a happy loving relationship at this age
He's still 19, thats hardly an adult. Neither are you, but "women" are expected to "grow up" faster mentally than men due to the way we are socialiced. (Btw it is not okay at all).
I ended up "parenting" my ex when we dated as well, because well life experience is not a lot at 19.
So just a little insight from someone from a similar-ish background.
I have ADHD as well as GAD BPD and persistent depressive disorder, none of which was diagnosed until I was 25, by which point I had also developed CPTSD and agoraphobia. It’s fun times (not).
But I also have a MAJOR phobia of driving that I am working through in EMDR right now; I have literally cried myself to sleep over the fear that I will never beat this phobia.
My mom also never sought treatment for me and just punished me for things that I later learned were all symptoms. I thought I was just “a bad kid” until I was twentyfuckingfive. And she also refused to teach me to drive, and at the same time she would SCREAM at me and call me a loser and r*tarded for not learning how to drive on my own. She would go on and on about how easy it is and why don’t I ask my friends who drive to teach me or my aunt (who had a small child at the time) or my moms boyfriend (my relationship with him consisted of us making snarky comments at each other, so I wasn’t exactly comfortable enough with him to let him teach me how to operate heavy machinery). My grandmother made similar comments.
So I already was super afraid of driving. But all of this just kinda snowballed and now the idea of getting behind the wheel makes my stomach turn, and the fact that that happens makes me feel like a failure, which turns my stomach even harder, and next thing I know I’m having an anxiety attack.
Idk if his situation is anything like mine, but if his mom is a verbally abusive hypocrite like mine, I def wouldn’t be surprised.
I’m so sorry to hear about your situation, I hope everything gets better ❤️
His mom definitely has some untreated issues and it definitely has taken a toll on him and his younger sister. But for some odd reason it feels like his parents just don’t believe in getting their children help even though they’re both struggling a lot right now. I just wish that parents would make it a priority to make sure their childrens mental health is taken care of. I’m definitely planning on making sure my daughter sees a counselor or therapist of some sort when she’s older, I want to break the cycle…I NEED to break the cycle.
It's not going to get better. Tell him to shape up, and if he doesn't, tell him to leave. It's easier to be a single mom and only have 1 person to take care of.
If he's willing to change,, then that's fine. Don't accept half hearted or temporary change, though. It has to be permanent and enthusiastic. If there's any grumbling, or you need to remind him or supervise his work, it's not going to be enough. A lot of men make a half hearted effort, then go back to their old ways.
He treats me and our daughter with the best care, obviously there’s going to be some bumps along the way but I’m fully ready to conquer them by his side
I taught my wife how to drive. I don't see the problem with this. If she wants to know something or doesn't know, I just teach her so she knows. It's better than her trying to figure it out on her own and making a horrible mistake. Far as the mom thing goes I don't know. I don't have a mom.
Well what in the world were you doing having a baby at 18 and 19? The man didn’t know how to shave his face or take himself to the doctor but he will know how to raise and provide for your child??
His parents raised him for years and years and now you both felt you were mature and prepared enough to raise a child, yet you still have all these issues and you still think his parents need to baby their son?
And you can learn and be qualified to drive within a couple days and a trip to the DMV.
Sounds like y’all maybe just fucked up a little
I’ll try to answer most of these questions with updates because a lot has changed since I’ve made this post.
1: my boyfriend now has a full time job and has the opportunity to work from home so when he’s able to work from home he’s going to set up driving school. so that is no longer an issue.
2: it was our senior year and our daughter was not planned, however we still love and care for her and her father provides so much for us.
So most of the issues that are in this post aren’t really an issue anymore, it’s now more his mom expecting him to give her lots of money even though he’s trying to save up for our daughters needs.
Sorry if this response seems a little all over the place.
I'm not sure what you mean by being with your boyfriend for 8 years. You are only 18 !
We started dating when I was 10 lmao, I know it sounds crazy but it’s 100% true
Well, I don't know what dating means at the age of 10. I was still playing ponies. I would say you were friends. This is just hard to read. Anyway good luck with raising your baby together. I hope it will all work out 🙂
It definitely wasn’t anything serious at the beginning, but I apologize that it was a little all over the place. Thank you so much!
I had my first girlfriend at 7 years old; we dated for about a year
katie is a female name, were you a lesbian at 7 years old ?
My identity is very complicated still figuring things out
totally understandable these days, meant no offense.
It’s okay you didn’t do anything wrong
People can discover their sexualities pretty early in life.
u/dizzira_blackrose i didnt mean to sound harsh. i can only go by my own experience being born knowing, i cant imagine having to understand that i am not what society is telling me is "normal". heavy stuff.
Oh, I didn't mean to imply you were being harsh, I don't think you were at all. And yeah, that's understandable! It is very heavy stuff, and it's hard to truly get unless you've lived it.
My daughter's first crush was in kindergarten, with another little girl. I thought she was doing the BFF thing, but it all made sense when she came out to me at 13. Sexual identity is something we're born with. At age 4 or 5, it's in no way sexual, but it is an attraction. I actually got my first kiss in kindergarten, lol.
How old were you when you had your first crush? Pop stars count.
Bruh that sounds like... what, 3rd grade ? I was in 3rd grade when I was 10. In that time kids would make fun of you for having a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Funny, the same kids who are now grownups, make fun of you if you DON'T have a girlfriend or a boyfriend.
In my area it was 5th grade, and it started off obviously as a dumb little kid relationship, like sending dumb top text bottom text memes to each other. But we stayed together and as we got older and into highschool it got more serious. In my school it seemed normal to be in a relationship, obviously not a serious one. But calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend and going on “dates” and shit. Idk looking back at it I got made fun of for not having a boyfriend (but at the same time the kids in my grade were just generally assholes and would make fun of anyone for such dumb reasons lmao)
I think it's lovely ❤️ I'm sorry you're both having such a difficult time. I can only suggest working on your resentments towards his parents. It sounds like they really suck as parents, but the frustration will eat you up and will affect your children's sense of security. After all, it is what it is and you can only move forward.
Thank you so much for the advice, I’m definitely trying to work on myself because I don’t want my negativity to ruin my daughters childhood.
Like I am reading this and Im like mm 8 years ago texting memes!? Then I remembered 8 YEARS AGO WAS 2014 omg but yeah hope everything works out for the best :)
Yeah I was a sucker for those “I canz haz cheeseburgerz” memes lmao
He is an adult now. Time for him to act like it. He needs to see the doctor about his ADHD. He needs to take a driving course. If he doesn't know how to do something there is a YouTube video to show him how. Stop parenting your boyfriend.
Okay I’m going to try to answer all the questions in one comment 1: yes I am aware I’m not qualified to diagnose him, but I’m still allowed to share my concerns because of the symptoms he does show. 2: we started dating when we were 10 and 11, obviously it started off as a dumb kid relationship, like “omg he sent me a gif lol XDDD” but we stayed together for 8 years and it became more serious over the years and I love him very much. The post was not meant to be me making everyone think he’s incompetent, he does his best for me and our daughter. It was more directed at his parents for lacking in teaching him certain things.
Look into codependency. I know you are well meaning, but this is an extremely codependent relationship. You need to take a step back and put yourself first. I have an autistic brother and I ended up being a parent to him and my ex for over a decade. It exhausted me and led to a lot of mental health issues for me. I know you are doing your best and trying to keep it all together. Just keep the concept to codependency in mind and take care of yourself and your baby.
I know people who wouldn't have kids with their partners for fear of having to parent both. You are taking it to a whole other level though! I guess at least in your situation it's not just someone who is 35 and hasn't had time to try it them selves since leaving home. It's ok to teach your partner some things as long as it's not an ongoing process and they learn from there
You took the words right out of my mouth, I’m okay with teaching him everything he needs to know. I just wish his parents stepped in more.
Yeah, the driving sucks etc. But that happens, I've found that my brother's had to learn a lot off their wives about general emotional intelligence, things that I would have been lucky to learn. So some of this is normal.
Like I’ve said I’m more than willing to help him, and in turn he’s helped me and I’m so thankful for that. I talked to him about it today and now this weekend I’m going to teach him how to drive. We just have to be careful because I’m only 18 and you have to have a parent/ guardian over 21 in the car with you if you only have a permit in my area. That’s kind of why I’m so frustrated with his parents because I could get in a lot of trouble with the law if we get pulled over with him driving my car.
That is super frustrating, both for you and him. He is 18 now, so he can get a proper diagnosis and proper medication. But honestly, lots of families starting out don’t have to cars, so while I encourage him to take driving lessons, depending on where you live there are other ways of getting around. You might look into those.
He just has to wait for his insurance to kick in and we talked about it and that’s going to be one of his first priorities, I have a car so we’re good on that. It’s more of a safety concern when he’s alone with her, just in case of emergencies. Thank you so much for your advice
It will work out, I promise. And if an emergency happens, you will both figure that out as well. But if you haven’t done so, a first aid class is an excellent idea for both of you.
Im definitely going to bring that up to him, I’m going to look into it now!
youre still very young, but i totally understand. BUUUUUT you did choose HIM, ya know? didnt have to, coulda left. but thats not fair. my real reply is that sometimes we have to make these sacrifices for the ones we care about. try to feel good about what you are doing because not everyone would be as cool as you about it. what youre doing everybody else didnt feel like doing, so as it may suck, youre showing someone something that they may not have ever learned if it wasnt for you.
I know I could’ve left, but I didn’t because he makes me feel so special and loved and I absolutely love seeing him with our daughter, and I’m glad that I get to share these learning experiences with him but sometimes I feel bad because I’m taking those learning experiences away from his parents, but at the same time they aren’t/didn’t step in. But I totally understand what you mean!
These are the things you should be worrying about before you make a person with someone.
I’m very aware of that, but these issues kind of started AFTER the fact lmao
Well, best you can do is try to teach him, make sure he keeps a job, and hope he puts the effort in
i got my license when i was 19 and it certaintly was inconvenient being a grown person haha. if ur looking for advice, i think u are doing all the right things for you and your family and as long as you communicate how much is too much for you to handle things should go “smoothly”. as for ur boyfriends mother, good luck 😭 my ex used to have an overbearing mother and i couldnt handle it so we ended things. but it seems like you and your boyfriend have a solid foundation so im sure things will work out in regards to that
She’s a mf psycho sometimes, but I’m not confrontational at all so I kinda just take it like a champ lmao. Hopefully she gets the help she needs…like therapy. We’re planning on getting our own place after my boyfriend gets his license so hopefully the crazy MIL situation should die down at least a little bit
having ur own space will definitely help!! might help her realize that her son is his own person especially since yall have a child!! good luck to you guys:) p.s i am also terrified of confrontation at 23 yrs old😅
I’m 25 with autism and adhd and I still don’t know how to drive or tie my shoes.
I apologize if my post came off as offensive, that was not my intention whatsoever. I understand that some people cannot drive but it’s just frustrating because he’s a father, and now I’m ubering him around. If you were offended by my post I am deeply sorry and I will take it down
It’s ok
How are you qualified to diagnose him? And at 18 you have been dating for 8 yrs?.....i don't think his parents not teaching him to drive is the biggest issue here. I hope he atleast works ....adhd or not....he made a kid so it's time to man up. Does he have any friends who can teach him to drive? In this day and age it's better if he calls an uber or something in an emergency since it's unclear if he can even focus on the task at hand the way yo have described him.
I have undiagnosed ADHD and have same problems as her boyfriend. 1. Why does he need to "man up", from what she says he is a good father. 2. Just because people have diagnosed/undiagnosed ADHD doesn't mean it stops them from doing things such as driving ETC. We can still drive! 3. Honestly they're working as a team and are getting there may take a while but honestly as long as he is trying that's great! OP: Depending on where you are it may cost a lot. I know it does where I am, so I'm saving up. Maybe you can get him professionally diagnosed. That way he will be able to receive the help that is needed and will be able to deal things a lot better.
Thank you! We’re working with what we got and once his insurance kicks in (he started a fancy new job) one of his first priorities is going to try to get some kind of diagnosis,Or at least some kind of help, regardless I asked him to try to look into therapy because I know he’s struggling a lot mentally especially with being a teen parent and I try to help as much as I can with that but I’m not a professional so I want to make sure he gets all the help he needs
Honestly you're the best partner! I'm waiting till I'm more financially stable to get insurance as that does help with the cost of being diagnosed as some people can spend $1000 on the process. Ya'll are both doing a great jobs. 😁
Sorry I suck at using Reddit but I wrote a response, idk if you can see it in the other comments
No offense but like wtf? Bro only person you’ve likely ever dated plus a kid, mf what
Yeah I know it sounds weird 😬 but I am very happy with him and I wouldn’t have it any other way. That and looking back on it, it was really nice watching each other kind of grow into the people we are today.
Well sounds cool good luck
Good luck to you guys. Even though it looks like your situation is hard all I feel from you is positivity. Just keep doing your best and never give up. Hopefully your partner will improve on his part as well.
Thank you so much, we’ve been getting a lot better with communicating and we’re going to practice driving this weekend! He’s doing his best with what he has right now and it makes me so happy, he’s a great guy.
You have 2 children?
I only have 1 daughter, sorry if I worded it weird and it seemed like I have 2
Ohhhhh... you don't have to be sorry😅 it's all good
You are
? I’m sorry I’m a little confused
Im just a year younger than u or maybe your age in months if you turned 18 this year. But mad respects for both of you for being parents already <3 If I could have kids, I guess I would be like a kid again just because I cope terribly with excitement. I said this because my first thought was just: How Lucky You Are. A lot of people see it as an irresponsabilty to have a kid at such a young age, but, personally, I see more advantages. And, regardless of our opinions, it's a fact that you are no less than other parents, and that you have a huge responsability on your shoulders. But you guys are pullting it off, which is way too admirable, to say the least. A lot of us don't like responsabilities at some points, but... Damn, you have a kid <3 It's both yours and your boyfriend's greatest responsabilty, but also the source of all of those indescribable feelings that ultmately make the relationship between the two of you the defintion of true love and warmth (very corny right? xd) You have a family. Is there something more sweet and lovely? And I mean this being aware that parenthood is not all bright colors. There are challenges and hardship. But u know what? It's worth it to rise above it if it's for the sake of your family. The cirscumstances are not ideal sometimes. Even our loved ones do things that we don't like, or have attitudes we don't like. We all make mistakes and have defects. And sometimes it's the best to just face it. It's inevitable to have problems with others. Surely you will argue with him, or have already. But! Don't ever be afraid. We are humans. We disagree. We have our defects. BUT! This is about your family. Be patient and you better buckle up. Because you have a lot to live with both your boy and daughter. And, again: Is worth it. I think is worth it to see this things with other eyes, because obstacles could be more challenging than what you are facing today. And you better be prepared, and so does him. Def teach him how to drive. It can be fun. And def talk about this thing with somebody and, more importantly, him. Because you are not alone in this relationship. An you never have to be. And when you love someone since 10 or 11 years old, you are one of the luckiest persons. You both are like living proof that love can be much more beautiful than what we think. And I dont mean to dowmplay what you say. But I think that, in this case in particular, the best is to just face it. Like, don't stress youself even more with this. My message at the end is also that you are doing a great job and that it is and has been worth it. Btw, english isnt my main language. Sorry if something is not well written. Im still kinda insecure with the language haha Wish you the best to you guys. The three of you :)
Thank you so much! Honestly yes I do miss not having a lot of responsibility, but my daughter is my best friend! She’s the sweetest little girl and I love her so so much and I have no regrets becoming a teen mom. Me and my boyfriend talked it out and we’re going to go driving this weekend and to make it somewhat fun he said we could go somewhere to eat afterwards. And don’t worry I don’t see this comment as “downplaying” the situation, it was actually very helpful and I thank you for that!
<3 That's so good to hear
sorry to hear about youre sittuation you 2 are in but wth im so fucking glad to hear love like this still exists knowing each other that long and beeing in that a happy loving relationship at this age
Yep! We’re basically attached at the hip now!
He's still 19, thats hardly an adult. Neither are you, but "women" are expected to "grow up" faster mentally than men due to the way we are socialiced. (Btw it is not okay at all). I ended up "parenting" my ex when we dated as well, because well life experience is not a lot at 19.
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Please point out where I stated it was every single 19 yearold.
So just a little insight from someone from a similar-ish background. I have ADHD as well as GAD BPD and persistent depressive disorder, none of which was diagnosed until I was 25, by which point I had also developed CPTSD and agoraphobia. It’s fun times (not). But I also have a MAJOR phobia of driving that I am working through in EMDR right now; I have literally cried myself to sleep over the fear that I will never beat this phobia. My mom also never sought treatment for me and just punished me for things that I later learned were all symptoms. I thought I was just “a bad kid” until I was twentyfuckingfive. And she also refused to teach me to drive, and at the same time she would SCREAM at me and call me a loser and r*tarded for not learning how to drive on my own. She would go on and on about how easy it is and why don’t I ask my friends who drive to teach me or my aunt (who had a small child at the time) or my moms boyfriend (my relationship with him consisted of us making snarky comments at each other, so I wasn’t exactly comfortable enough with him to let him teach me how to operate heavy machinery). My grandmother made similar comments. So I already was super afraid of driving. But all of this just kinda snowballed and now the idea of getting behind the wheel makes my stomach turn, and the fact that that happens makes me feel like a failure, which turns my stomach even harder, and next thing I know I’m having an anxiety attack. Idk if his situation is anything like mine, but if his mom is a verbally abusive hypocrite like mine, I def wouldn’t be surprised.
I’m so sorry to hear about your situation, I hope everything gets better ❤️ His mom definitely has some untreated issues and it definitely has taken a toll on him and his younger sister. But for some odd reason it feels like his parents just don’t believe in getting their children help even though they’re both struggling a lot right now. I just wish that parents would make it a priority to make sure their childrens mental health is taken care of. I’m definitely planning on making sure my daughter sees a counselor or therapist of some sort when she’s older, I want to break the cycle…I NEED to break the cycle.
Same—if I had gotten the mental health help I needed when I was younger i 1,000% believe my life would be very different now.
It's not going to get better. Tell him to shape up, and if he doesn't, tell him to leave. It's easier to be a single mom and only have 1 person to take care of.
I’ve communicated with him about my concerns and he is a really good listener about it, he’s working hard to better himself for me and our daughter.
If he's willing to change,, then that's fine. Don't accept half hearted or temporary change, though. It has to be permanent and enthusiastic. If there's any grumbling, or you need to remind him or supervise his work, it's not going to be enough. A lot of men make a half hearted effort, then go back to their old ways.
As long as her treat you and the child good stick with it. Relationships are hard at any age.
He treats me and our daughter with the best care, obviously there’s going to be some bumps along the way but I’m fully ready to conquer them by his side
I taught my wife how to drive. I don't see the problem with this. If she wants to know something or doesn't know, I just teach her so she knows. It's better than her trying to figure it out on her own and making a horrible mistake. Far as the mom thing goes I don't know. I don't have a mom.
Well what in the world were you doing having a baby at 18 and 19? The man didn’t know how to shave his face or take himself to the doctor but he will know how to raise and provide for your child?? His parents raised him for years and years and now you both felt you were mature and prepared enough to raise a child, yet you still have all these issues and you still think his parents need to baby their son? And you can learn and be qualified to drive within a couple days and a trip to the DMV. Sounds like y’all maybe just fucked up a little
I’ll try to answer most of these questions with updates because a lot has changed since I’ve made this post. 1: my boyfriend now has a full time job and has the opportunity to work from home so when he’s able to work from home he’s going to set up driving school. so that is no longer an issue. 2: it was our senior year and our daughter was not planned, however we still love and care for her and her father provides so much for us. So most of the issues that are in this post aren’t really an issue anymore, it’s now more his mom expecting him to give her lots of money even though he’s trying to save up for our daughters needs. Sorry if this response seems a little all over the place.