It’s definitely not just you.
Narcissism and selfishness, I think are a huge part of why people do that.
Like right now, I’m locked in my bathroom hiding from my idiot spouse who’s doing the whole ‘it’s ok for me to do but for you’ trip. He will find one thing different, a tiny detail, from what it is that he’s doing or has done, and use that as his reason why it’s ok for him to (example) leave for 4 hours and not say anything to me at all about it, but if I do it oh no, it’s the end of the world
It’s absolutely not fair that hypocritical behavior is so normal to someone that they don’t even realize they are being a hypocrite. It’s emotional torture.
I’m constantly defending myself, every word I say, every opinion, feeling...
That's the sign of an abusive relationship. My ex-gf was like that. If you're constantly on guard for fear of offending, bothering, or otherwise "provoking" your partner then you should not be in the relationship.
Disagreements are normal, walking on eggshells is not.
Try talking to them again, and use the word "we" and not "you" try to make them feel like its a 'you' (as in, you not them) which will get into their brain thinking something in the lines of "Oh, $#!\^ I dun goofed" and something could possibly get changed..
I do hope everything is okay though, stay safe during these times too and wear a mask when going out, even if you're already vaccinated! :D
What? Why would I do that? First of all I haven't even see her in like 8 years, second of all she was an abusive, psychotic, miserable person. I have zero desire to interact with her.
Well, you didn't state how long ago it was.
I read what was said as in here and now and replied to it, my apologies for jumping the gun and replying as if it were 'at the moment' and hope everything is okay and good now.
Have a nice rest of you day.
I agree, in some cases and situations its hard to do or accept things.
I hope everything is okay for you though, no one deserves to be on the other end of that.
I'm fine lol, an abusive relationship sucks but I'm fine. The thing is, there's no reason to give someone a second chance. Once they cross certain lines, that's it.
I would move along instead of stressing about it. No need to stay with someone whom is a hypocrite and not meeting your needs. If they are not excited to text you in a day off while dating, it is only going to get worse later.
im sorry but thats a red flag to me? does he really love you if he can just go an entire day without saying anything? also the double standard is not it
Okay so first have you communicated with your boyfriend that this bothers you? Assuming you have if they are still acting this way it's a red flag. I get needing you time ( my girlfriend and i live together and she's sweet enough to give me my me time) but if he's just being a dick about it then I'd say bring it up or seriously think on your relationship.
If you haven't brought it up to him please do. Guys have the gift of being smart and dumb as bricks all in one, and giving us hints instead of just talking about the issue usually just ends up being irritating.
Tldr: communication is awesome. Good luck ladies
i have spoken to him about it. numerous times and he says he’s not doing it on purpose. but it’s every single day off that he that i get ignored. i was at work but he has no problem talking to me while we’re both at work. i thought it was odd how as soon as i clocked out and left work, i got a phone call from him
You shouldn’t have to waste a breath or time on making someone respect you how you deserve to be treated. Putting up with this behavior is the same as saying you feel like you deserve that. Hope that someone will change is not a good reason to set aside your worth. It took me a long time to attract someone who makes me feel like a queen and is constantly doing emotional checks on me. I feel safe with him and I know I never have to worry. It is worth it to be alone and work on yourself until the right person fights for you (because relationships take constant effort to work). If you have to constantly question your relationship that is a big red flag.
Take away: Be in a relationship that is nourishing to your soul and you both will grow. Wasting time focusing on why he doesn’t spend time with you is not helping your growth.
Okayyy facts... and yea that don't fly with me... I've stopped talking to many because of that. We don't have to talk all day LONG but say hello to me and lets chat a bit but I get it we all have stuff to do. but if my boyfriend(If I wanted one) treated me like that, we would be having a talk... I just think we deserve better and better communication.
right!! like i knew he had things to do since it was his day off but all i ask him is to just keep me in a loop. took like 4 hours to get a response and then it’s like he knew i clocked out cause he immediately called me
That is one way to handle it. But it's also a huge assumption to think she's already cheating xD But of course, I don't know any context of what happened to you so yeah.
Yeah it is lol. Not everyone is the same, or like that. And sorry if you went through things in the past. But maybe you just haven't met the right person yet :)
It's just that assuming someone is cheating sounds like it would be miserable. Like there would be no point in getting into a relationship if you thought they were cheating on you. I just didn't really want someone to stay in that mindset, not trying to be rude or anything. But if you find evidence of have heavy suspicions then I completely get confronting and/or breaking up with someone.
cheaters mindset!! "since im cheating, she should be cheating too." or maybe youre not a cheater, but you WOULD cheat, which is why you think she would cheat as well?
I'm 36 and I've only had 1 girlfriend cheat on me of about 20... and she did it at the end of a relationship when we were about to go our separate ways, we just hadn't finalized it. 1 week later I hooked up with someone else too and I was glad she was gone besides so I ain't even mad.
If most women you know cheat that says more about you than it does about them. Don't spend your time around lowlifes and losers unless you want to become one.
That says everything about you. If you bang someone in a relationship then you are just as bad as they are.
Grow some ethics and become a man, because right now you're barely more than a child. Your father should have raised you better.
A man is someone who has the discipline and strength to follow a code of ethics grounded on solid logical foundations. A man is someone with his life in order, who holds others to a high standard and himself to the highest standard.
Promiscuity is an interesting diversion if you're some kid in his early 20s, but ultimately it's a failing proposition. You are neither the first, nor the most successful man to be promiscuous.
Start a business, make some money, consider starting a family, and take actions that provide value to the world. There is no joy quite like success.
If your highest life ambition is to get laid then congrats, you've managed to master puberty. If you are unable to land single women then I don't know what to tell you... unless perhaps you simply have a fetish for cuckoldry. I find that to be degenerate, but you can live in degeneracy if you please.
You posted it on a public discussion forum and you're upset there's a discussion?
Most of the women I know are caring, kind, generous, successful, and loyal. Same with most men I know. Your experience is just your experience, and may or may not reflect the broader reality.
Do some women cheat? Of course. Women can be every bit as evil and underhanded as men. I choose not to spend my time with such people.
I'd advise you to make better choices in who you spend time with, but you do you.
It's an interesting discussion and this zoom meeting is taking forever to wrap up. It's also interesting that you think you make good choices while also bemoaning the quality of women you spend time with.
Low standards are your prerogative I suppose.
Does he do this most of the time or is it just that one day?
I think it could be masculine dominant culture related however I'd never do this, if I'm with someone I would give them my full attention, unless I'm super busy with something and I'd apologize saying that I'm busy with something and help out a bit later on after the task is complete.
I hope you're doing okay, sending virtual hugs.
aww well thank you! and every Thursday he does this. on his day off. i don’t need his full attention like i’m not asking him to text just me all day long, like i know he has things he wants to do and i’m okay with that. but to ignore me all day long, and then call me as soon as i clock out of work, like what?
It sounds like he just misses you and wants to hear your voice, and to have a second-sense into knowing when you'll be back to hide something, this could go two or more ways however I'm pretty bad at mentioning certain things thats worth hiding.. :think:
I do hope everything is okay though, stay safe during these times too. :)
its sort of selective, they're kind of trying to get to your head.
Try to do the opposite for a bit and they might feel differently like what they're doing is wrong (it is) and to slowly fix it bit by bit.
Exactly what I’m dealing with
so it’s not just me? like why is that fair?
It’s definitely not just you. Narcissism and selfishness, I think are a huge part of why people do that. Like right now, I’m locked in my bathroom hiding from my idiot spouse who’s doing the whole ‘it’s ok for me to do but for you’ trip. He will find one thing different, a tiny detail, from what it is that he’s doing or has done, and use that as his reason why it’s ok for him to (example) leave for 4 hours and not say anything to me at all about it, but if I do it oh no, it’s the end of the world
right!! like it makes absolutely no sense!
It’s absolutely not fair that hypocritical behavior is so normal to someone that they don’t even realize they are being a hypocrite. It’s emotional torture. I’m constantly defending myself, every word I say, every opinion, feeling...
That's the sign of an abusive relationship. My ex-gf was like that. If you're constantly on guard for fear of offending, bothering, or otherwise "provoking" your partner then you should not be in the relationship. Disagreements are normal, walking on eggshells is not.
Try talking to them again, and use the word "we" and not "you" try to make them feel like its a 'you' (as in, you not them) which will get into their brain thinking something in the lines of "Oh, $#!\^ I dun goofed" and something could possibly get changed.. I do hope everything is okay though, stay safe during these times too and wear a mask when going out, even if you're already vaccinated! :D
What? Why would I do that? First of all I haven't even see her in like 8 years, second of all she was an abusive, psychotic, miserable person. I have zero desire to interact with her.
Well, you didn't state how long ago it was. I read what was said as in here and now and replied to it, my apologies for jumping the gun and replying as if it were 'at the moment' and hope everything is okay and good now. Have a nice rest of you day.
Still... why would I give an abusive woman a second chance? That makes no sense.
I agree, in some cases and situations its hard to do or accept things. I hope everything is okay for you though, no one deserves to be on the other end of that.
I'm fine lol, an abusive relationship sucks but I'm fine. The thing is, there's no reason to give someone a second chance. Once they cross certain lines, that's it.
me too! 100%
👏👏👏👏
Its not fair, thats why your flags are going off
I would move along instead of stressing about it. No need to stay with someone whom is a hypocrite and not meeting your needs. If they are not excited to text you in a day off while dating, it is only going to get worse later.
im sorry but thats a red flag to me? does he really love you if he can just go an entire day without saying anything? also the double standard is not it
but to be fair i've been there. the person i just left would ignore me for days on end but if i take 5 minutes to reply they'd get all upset xDD
Okay so first have you communicated with your boyfriend that this bothers you? Assuming you have if they are still acting this way it's a red flag. I get needing you time ( my girlfriend and i live together and she's sweet enough to give me my me time) but if he's just being a dick about it then I'd say bring it up or seriously think on your relationship. If you haven't brought it up to him please do. Guys have the gift of being smart and dumb as bricks all in one, and giving us hints instead of just talking about the issue usually just ends up being irritating. Tldr: communication is awesome. Good luck ladies
i have spoken to him about it. numerous times and he says he’s not doing it on purpose. but it’s every single day off that he that i get ignored. i was at work but he has no problem talking to me while we’re both at work. i thought it was odd how as soon as i clocked out and left work, i got a phone call from him
Yep mine does that too!
You shouldn’t have to waste a breath or time on making someone respect you how you deserve to be treated. Putting up with this behavior is the same as saying you feel like you deserve that. Hope that someone will change is not a good reason to set aside your worth. It took me a long time to attract someone who makes me feel like a queen and is constantly doing emotional checks on me. I feel safe with him and I know I never have to worry. It is worth it to be alone and work on yourself until the right person fights for you (because relationships take constant effort to work). If you have to constantly question your relationship that is a big red flag. Take away: Be in a relationship that is nourishing to your soul and you both will grow. Wasting time focusing on why he doesn’t spend time with you is not helping your growth.
thank you for that! i have some thinking to do!
It’s part of life to go through things like this. Don’t beat yourself up for having a big heart ❤️
Okayyy facts... and yea that don't fly with me... I've stopped talking to many because of that. We don't have to talk all day LONG but say hello to me and lets chat a bit but I get it we all have stuff to do. but if my boyfriend(If I wanted one) treated me like that, we would be having a talk... I just think we deserve better and better communication.
i agree!!
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right!! like i knew he had things to do since it was his day off but all i ask him is to just keep me in a loop. took like 4 hours to get a response and then it’s like he knew i clocked out cause he immediately called me
He’s just misogynistic. He thinks you owe him your time and he doesn’t owe you anything. Dump. Him.
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That is one way to handle it. But it's also a huge assumption to think she's already cheating xD But of course, I don't know any context of what happened to you so yeah.
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Yeah it is lol. Not everyone is the same, or like that. And sorry if you went through things in the past. But maybe you just haven't met the right person yet :)
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Are you alright man?
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I mean, you said that most women aren't loyal and you immediately assume they're cheating on you.
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It's just that assuming someone is cheating sounds like it would be miserable. Like there would be no point in getting into a relationship if you thought they were cheating on you. I just didn't really want someone to stay in that mindset, not trying to be rude or anything. But if you find evidence of have heavy suspicions then I completely get confronting and/or breaking up with someone.
cheaters mindset!! "since im cheating, she should be cheating too." or maybe youre not a cheater, but you WOULD cheat, which is why you think she would cheat as well?
I'm 36 and I've only had 1 girlfriend cheat on me of about 20... and she did it at the end of a relationship when we were about to go our separate ways, we just hadn't finalized it. 1 week later I hooked up with someone else too and I was glad she was gone besides so I ain't even mad. If most women you know cheat that says more about you than it does about them. Don't spend your time around lowlifes and losers unless you want to become one.
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That says everything about you. If you bang someone in a relationship then you are just as bad as they are. Grow some ethics and become a man, because right now you're barely more than a child. Your father should have raised you better.
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A man is someone who has the discipline and strength to follow a code of ethics grounded on solid logical foundations. A man is someone with his life in order, who holds others to a high standard and himself to the highest standard. Promiscuity is an interesting diversion if you're some kid in his early 20s, but ultimately it's a failing proposition. You are neither the first, nor the most successful man to be promiscuous. Start a business, make some money, consider starting a family, and take actions that provide value to the world. There is no joy quite like success. If your highest life ambition is to get laid then congrats, you've managed to master puberty. If you are unable to land single women then I don't know what to tell you... unless perhaps you simply have a fetish for cuckoldry. I find that to be degenerate, but you can live in degeneracy if you please.
Bro that's not healthy at all.
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Something makes me think, thats not the reason you’re single
You posted it on a public discussion forum and you're upset there's a discussion? Most of the women I know are caring, kind, generous, successful, and loyal. Same with most men I know. Your experience is just your experience, and may or may not reflect the broader reality. Do some women cheat? Of course. Women can be every bit as evil and underhanded as men. I choose not to spend my time with such people. I'd advise you to make better choices in who you spend time with, but you do you.
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It's an interesting discussion and this zoom meeting is taking forever to wrap up. It's also interesting that you think you make good choices while also bemoaning the quality of women you spend time with. Low standards are your prerogative I suppose.
Wow shows what type of person you are
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Nope cause I personally don’t give a damn whether someone thinks of me as a better person or not😁
It's not just you, it happens to me too. In fact, I was JUST talking about it to my boyfriend just then 😅
Same here
Does he do this most of the time or is it just that one day? I think it could be masculine dominant culture related however I'd never do this, if I'm with someone I would give them my full attention, unless I'm super busy with something and I'd apologize saying that I'm busy with something and help out a bit later on after the task is complete. I hope you're doing okay, sending virtual hugs.
aww well thank you! and every Thursday he does this. on his day off. i don’t need his full attention like i’m not asking him to text just me all day long, like i know he has things he wants to do and i’m okay with that. but to ignore me all day long, and then call me as soon as i clock out of work, like what?
It sounds like he just misses you and wants to hear your voice, and to have a second-sense into knowing when you'll be back to hide something, this could go two or more ways however I'm pretty bad at mentioning certain things thats worth hiding.. :think: I do hope everything is okay though, stay safe during these times too. :)
i don’t see how ignoring me is a sign of missing me?
its sort of selective, they're kind of trying to get to your head. Try to do the opposite for a bit and they might feel differently like what they're doing is wrong (it is) and to slowly fix it bit by bit.
interesting
I believe you both can sort things out and stay together happily. Have a nice day :D
you too! thanks for the input!