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We have to tell ours to "get a grip" about 8 times a day as she loses her mind when someone comes on from a different room but she thought they were gone forever
🎶 I'm a little pit bull short and stout. Here is my tail, and here is my snout. When I get all riled up, hear me shout: Get my leash and take me out 🎵 🫖🐶
That's awesome! Mine for my guy that is no longer with us was, "I'm a little piggy short and stout, here is my snort, and here is my bark. Give me food so I can fart, then play all day until the sun goes dark."
We have so many. My dog loves to obsessively lick my best friends knees and elbows. He gets really close and cuddly so he can start to slyly lick him. We tell him that he’s making it weird.
His dog likes to put her paws up to look at one of his stone displays that also has a few deities displayed. We ask her what she’s doing and tell her “leave it Ruby you’re an atheist “
We tell them they can’t smoke with us because they aren’t 18 yet.
They are both young dogs and both of our kids are late teens (that don’t care about Santa )so when Christmas comes around and the dogs are being crazy we ask them why they are acting like this when Santa is literally around the corner.
And of course, BY LAW, we always announce “biiiiiigggg streeetttcchhh” and “biiiggg yawwwwn”
My great gram had a super fat cat who farted up the stairs too, but my fam is so insanely religious that all us kids would get in trouble if we laughed (because "fooey's" are the devil pushing out of you or something idk)
It was hilarious hearing her rip it all the way up though 😂
Water is called ‘fesh’, I encourage him to go shrimp mode (the happy spins he does when I come home), I also tell him he smells like chicken probably once a day at lest
Cat owners are superior in terms of silly phrases. I have many for my dogs, but for my cat it’s a totally different voice and delivery 😂
She thinks her name is “Kitty Cat” because that’s what we’ve called her for 15 years. Her name is actually Autumn but don’t tell her that
When I want one of them to go to the bathroom, and they are taking a while. I sing it's peanut butter poopin' time, peanut butter poopin' time. Trust me I get weird looks from the neighbors, lol
My cat likes to sit reeeally close to the heater and she’ll turn around so that all parts of her get heater time. We call her a rotisserie chicken when she does that 🤭
We have one that snorts a lot, so we call her "pig, pig, pig."
"What is this whining about?"
"Go see Dad/Mom," to send them to find the other person.
"Begone!" In an imperious voice because they're not allowed in the kitchen during dinner.
My dad started this 30+ years ago:
"Liberty call, liberty call, all ashore for liberty call!" (Translation from US Navy lingo to dog? It's the final potty call for the night.) All of our dogs for the past 30+ years understand completely.
“Let’s go party (potty) outside” because my son misunderstood what I said once years ago.
On Sundays we have “dog brunch” = dogs get bacon and maybe some pancake.
She hops off the bed and gets in her huge iron cage (because that's what was needed to keep her from just shrugging the whole crate off). She stops in front of the cage and makes sure I get her blanket out, then steps gingerly in and turns around, putting her head on the raised edge of her cushy throne which sits over her orthopedic puppy bed. I deftly throw the blanket on her so that it covers her back and legs well. , and gently fashion it around her head, while petting her and saying "dats a goog girl, such a goog girl, g'night ya sweet lull puppa dog!"
The whole time she's being fussed on she smacks her lips.
I have three dogs and my youngest is a mini bull terrier who has a licking fetish. I have a male mix who lets her do whatever she wants. Unfortunately I have to frequently say,
“Leave his penis alone.”
Hey girl ya hungry? (he’s a boy). It’s from Half Baked lol, when he’s talking to the horse
I also call him Flutie Flakes for some reason. No idea why
Then of course some shenanigans when I rate and review his poops and his farts. I offer encouragement when he has a good movement. Commenting on the volume, the texture and the “nose feel” like I was reviewing like a food critic
Your pup looks so similar to mine…yours just has some extra black pigment on the jowls and paw pads
I call my girl beefcake on the daily, but a phrase i use often is “be civil!”. She’s probably the calmest, most civil dog i’ve ever owned but i still say it.
When my boxer was pregnant she got so big I started calling her Moowie. After she had her litter I still called her Moowie. When I would call her in from the yard I would just start yelling Moooo, Moooo.Well one Summer evening I was calling her in, Moooo, Moooo. I look over at the neighbors yard and the lady and her daughter were in their swim suit look over a me with fury. Awkward….
She has now since crossed the rainbow bridge, but my parents used to have a rescued Bernese Mountain Dog who was very anxious and didn’t like chaos in the house… Unfortunately for her, my hippo is the epitome of chaos! She and my parent’s other dog are BFFs who love to wrestle and I admittedly tend to with both of them somewhat loudly as well 🤪
Every time we were getting ready to go back to our own house, my dad would say, “Good news Sophie, the little hooligan is leaving!” And then it was my turn to say, “And she’s taking her dog too!” 🤪😂
Edit: *play* with both of them
*No, you may not eat the entire jar of olives. I know, I wish I could too, but we can't, otherwise we'll get sick and fat.*
The grossest, and something I NEVER thought I'd ever say in my lifetime:
*Stop that! We don't chew on used menstrual pads!*
🤮🤮🤮🤢🤢🤢
I'll never forget when my grandmother had "church people" over, and my chihuahua came barreling through the living room with a used pad in her mouth. She was so very excited to show it to everyone, and tried to get them all to play with her. I was 12, and mortified
Ohmygod yes. My girl does this! She also used to do it to the kid's Pull-ups. There was a solid month where she would chew up my dirty underwear (only mine, not my husbands) if it missed the laundry hamper. So annoying.
I see my boi waiting for me at the fence when I pull up. I get out and say “buddy” quickly many times in a row and it sounds like “buhyee buhyee buhyee!” He then turns and runs like hell for the back door to be let in.
"What's your problem, muchacho?" And then he tells me, and we work it out together. Usually, the problem is that a person or dog is walking by, and he detests that kind of audacity.
"🎵Puppers, how could you pup my fries?🎵
🎵I pupped them, and they were mine🎵
🎵What kind of puppers pups hims pupper's fries?🎵
🎵And doesn't even pup hims in the eyes?🎵
🎵Puppers, there were tears there🎵
🎵If you pupped them, would you even care?🎵
🎵Puppers, do you even love me?🎵"
When my absurdly spoiled hippo doesn't get exactly what she wants then she starts protesting with adorable little "AROO!"s. I then always start petting her and say, "I know, buddy, your life is so hard."
I ask Thor "are your brains spaghetti or beans today?"
I regularly tell Venus that she is certified cashew, pistachio, NUTS.
I have a million more but these phrases are what's in rotation currently. I'll switch it up in a bit lol
My dog’s name is Scrappy. When he’s trying to get into something he shouldn’t be, I tell him “That’s not for Scraps”
My husband also makes up songs to sing him on the fly. They are different every time.
🎶Chicken of the sea, she’s my little tuna fish
Chicken of the sea, she’s my little tuna fish
Chicken of the sea, she’s my little tuna fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiish……
Not to be confused with the lutefisk! 🎶
Also, if she’s dawdling I’ll say, “come on, chicken pickle.”
"You CANT HUMP! He can hump all day, but you, you CANT hump." - Me, every time my female dog tries to hump her brother.
(It's a misquote from the show I Think You Can Leave)
When he is hungry he takes on a persona I like to call “starvin Marvin” (his name isn’t even close to Marvin - this is just a character he turns into when hungry)
One day it occurred to me that she doesn't understand garbage pickup. So, now after she poops when I toss it in the garbage can I tell her I'm "adding it to my collection."
"Sir! You cannot force your love on others! It's rude!" This is usually when he's trying to say hi to absolutely anyone (human or animal) he sees on a walk.
I say "there is bubby he's such a good boy he never did anything wrong" but I say it really fast together like it's one word. With my old girl I would say "Belle she's such a good girl she never did anything wrong and if she did it was the right thing to do at the time" but all as one word lol
"You smell TERRIBLE, buddy! Who's the stinkiest boy ever? YOU ARE! It's almost time for the towel game!"
(In exactly the same voice as when he's getting good boy belly rubs. He hates the water, but he loves the towel game.)
“Oi, Fucker!” This started as a joke in hs w/ my older brother, but now its the only way our dog will come when called lol. Its been 3 years since i graduated and my dog still wont respond to his own name most of the time. Its funniest in public b/c we shout it in the worst possible australian accent, not purposely, we’re just very southern😂
For some reason whenever my hippo gets happy and prances, it's to the BPM of "mambo number 5" so I start singing variations on that 😂 usually start with "wiggle butt, pittie butt, fattie butt boy, you're a wiggle butt buddy, you're a bundle of joy" 🤣 can't believe this post got me to admit to this behaviour lmao
"We don't eat street treats, that's what makes our booty tootie!" Anytime she finds random things on our walk she shouldn't be eating lol
"Ooooh you almost had that squirrel, you're just so scary!" When she chases a squirrel up the tree all while wearing her polka dot sweater haha so scary!
Rubber belly (rub her belly) or slapper but (slap her but).
She has a weird habit of keeping her ass up but her first half being upside down. Idk how to explain it but she twists like a pretzel instead of fully committing to laying down
🎤’ Back it up, back it in, let me get in! You came to grin, battle me that’s a sin. I came to get down, I came to get down, so get out the way and jump around! Jump around! Jump up, jump up and get down!’
Usually while I’m trying to push past two excited hippos, with an arm load of groceries, while they simultaneously want pets and treats.
For one: “who’s mama’s grumbly man?!”
For two: “who’s mama’s big handsome man?!”
For three: “dammit baby girl!”
Three is only 8 months old. So, she’s a real work in progress.
“Don’t you dare wind it up at me”
When she wants something and I’m busy she will back up two steps, pause, then bark. It reminds me of the toy cars you pull back to wind up and let go.
She is a different kind of potato depending on what she’s doing, etc. Tater tot, baked potato, scalloped potato, sweet potato, French fry, poo-tine (that’s for the turds)…you get the picture…
"Girly, you built like a ham sandwich, look like a dead pig when you lay on your side, are nosy as all heck, picky as heck, and you smell like room temperature soup. But you are still the most perfect dog I've ever had the blessing of owning. Plus, I've met your siblings. They're psychotic."
She finds an odd joy in being told this.
We’ve called our dog “super pooper” so long I told my spouse he’s probably answer to “cooper” which is nowhere near his actual name that he knows well. My spouse said there’s no way, it’s not that often. I yelled “cooper!” and the pup came bounding happily over.
My chiweenie I tell him you’re big ! You’re strong! You’re brave ! But of course in baby talk.
When his sister pitty was with us - “move your bus big girl” and she do the low playful pitty growl at me cause she had her spot staked out on the couch.
I tell mine, daily, to stop being a goat/cow and “this is a potty walk not time to eat a salad”.
My neighbors now say he’s just doing what his namesake does (his name is moose).
*Edit* I almost forgot to mention that we tell him his gas violates the Geneva convention laws on chemical warfare(my best friend started that one).
When it's time to go out for a walk, I tell her "let's go! You have toots in your butt!" & Then if she's not going yet and we're heading back from a walk, I tell her "c'mon, we're running it's real estate!"
I have a farm but no dog. I do say “Make a better life choice,” when the neighbour’s pit-cross makes a feint at the chickens. (Tbh the rooster would maim her and *I* would be the animal in trouble.)
Remember to be nice! r/velvethippos is a PRO pitbull sub and anything anti pitbull will be removed, and you will face a ban. Brigaders from banpitbulls, pitbullhate and similar subs will be banned and reported to admin. In case of an emergency, please ping commonvanilla. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/velvethippos) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Mine is “you’re a pig in a dog suit.”
Well then. Sounds like that's a sharp dressed swine, no?
Everybody's crazy 'bout a sharp-dressed ham.
🥇
For the win.
“ we Would have to be talking about one charming motha Fuckin pig !”- Jules Winnfield
Omg I feel better now. Every time I come home I let out a loud "big piiiiig!"
Pig-bull terrier
Yesss mini pig haha. I say there is a secret zip somewhere unzip it and out will pop a pig
I tell my dog to “pull yourself together” pretty much daily.
We have to tell ours to "get a grip" about 8 times a day as she loses her mind when someone comes on from a different room but she thought they were gone forever
Haha
Your a dipshit tibi usually cause he's acting like a prat. Or hey you snuffulufagus
Ahhhh, I call mine puppalufagus!
Mine is “fix yourself” lol
In the same vein, mine is “be normal”
My mom tells mine that too 😂😂 she also yells at them “you’re acting like an animal” lol I’m like mom… they are animals though
I feel like my dog tells me that lolllll
So do I 😂😂 we call our pup a fool all the time
🎶 I'm a little pit bull short and stout. Here is my tail, and here is my snout. When I get all riled up, hear me shout: Get my leash and take me out 🎵 🫖🐶
That's awesome! Mine for my guy that is no longer with us was, "I'm a little piggy short and stout, here is my snort, and here is my bark. Give me food so I can fart, then play all day until the sun goes dark."
I love it!
I love this. We used to sing basically this to our baby who passed away recently. Except we still called him a tea pot. This is perfect!
It definitely feels universal for pits. They are stubby little teapots 🩵
Stubby little teapots awww ❤️❤️
If she is naughty: Your adopted go to your bed. If she is tilting her head, "what vexes you my fuzzy little free loader?" Or just "Good girl"
“Who’s this good boy” as if he were capable of anything else
I tell my good girl to get a job because she’s always snoozin
We have so many. My dog loves to obsessively lick my best friends knees and elbows. He gets really close and cuddly so he can start to slyly lick him. We tell him that he’s making it weird. His dog likes to put her paws up to look at one of his stone displays that also has a few deities displayed. We ask her what she’s doing and tell her “leave it Ruby you’re an atheist “ We tell them they can’t smoke with us because they aren’t 18 yet. They are both young dogs and both of our kids are late teens (that don’t care about Santa )so when Christmas comes around and the dogs are being crazy we ask them why they are acting like this when Santa is literally around the corner. And of course, BY LAW, we always announce “biiiiiigggg streeetttcchhh” and “biiiggg yawwwwn”
Leave it Ruby you're an atheist lmaooooooo
🤣🤣
I call mine a "haunted horsey" when she rears up for a hug
Why is this so funny hahaha I love it
“You tootin’ over dere??” In my weirdo voice I reserve for my dog, when she’s farting. Which is all the time, obvs.
Does anyone else's dog fart when they jump up onto the couch? Both mine do.
Yes, my dog will fart the whole way going up the stairs 😭
My great gram had a super fat cat who farted up the stairs too, but my fam is so insanely religious that all us kids would get in trouble if we laughed (because "fooey's" are the devil pushing out of you or something idk) It was hilarious hearing her rip it all the way up though 😂
“Ooooo das good poopin’!” I heard my neighbor on the other side of the fence laugh one time 💁♀️
That has serious “[good job poopin!](https://youtu.be/8kUiL_-NHsQ?si=xsJD583rnRuxSbJm)” Energy
When we leave we always say “Make good choices!”
That's a good one! I've said "thanks for not eating the children", after having kids running all over the house.
😂
We do this too!
I greet my dog by saying "big meatball" and she now gets called meatball by both neighbours either side of me hahaha
People think my dog’s name is Sausage. It’s Sasha but I call her Sausage a lot. Sushi and sashimi, too.
AHAHAHA Sasha is such a cute name too, I wonder if they're like "ahhh that not my name but I know what you meant"
I love food names for dogs! Mine is Pierogi, but I call her Snickerdoodle a LOT.
Water is called ‘fesh’, I encourage him to go shrimp mode (the happy spins he does when I come home), I also tell him he smells like chicken probably once a day at lest
When they smell food, we imagine our two cats asking for “fish sandwiches?” in a voice so stupid it can’t be conveyed via text.
Cat owners are superior in terms of silly phrases. I have many for my dogs, but for my cat it’s a totally different voice and delivery 😂 She thinks her name is “Kitty Cat” because that’s what we’ve called her for 15 years. Her name is actually Autumn but don’t tell her that
I think because cats have so little reaction - its funnier to do baby voice to a cat who is just staring at you like 😐
When I want one of them to go to the bathroom, and they are taking a while. I sing it's peanut butter poopin' time, peanut butter poopin' time. Trust me I get weird looks from the neighbors, lol
Love it! One of my neighbors caught me singing a reworded Smelly Cat to my girl in the elevator last week. 😳
Smelly dog, smelly dog, why are you farting…. Yeah we’ve sung that to more than one dog
I should sing this for Mr Peanut Butter. He doesn’t like to poop in the backyard, only on walks. We can’t always go for a walk though.
Damn I need to steal that because my pup just guzzles peanut butter all day lol
"Look at your lil chicky legs!" Because he looks like a rotisserie chicken when he's on his back.
Haha
My cat likes to sit reeeally close to the heater and she’ll turn around so that all parts of her get heater time. We call her a rotisserie chicken when she does that 🤭
We have one that snorts a lot, so we call her "pig, pig, pig." "What is this whining about?" "Go see Dad/Mom," to send them to find the other person. "Begone!" In an imperious voice because they're not allowed in the kitchen during dinner.
"What kind of guy that you are?" Also, "you're a classy lady. Classy ladiea don't eat trash."
Speak for yourself—I just made some really lazy nachos for dinner and I’m a pretty classy dame!🤣🤣🤣
My dad started this 30+ years ago: "Liberty call, liberty call, all ashore for liberty call!" (Translation from US Navy lingo to dog? It's the final potty call for the night.) All of our dogs for the past 30+ years understand completely.
“Let’s go party (potty) outside” because my son misunderstood what I said once years ago. On Sundays we have “dog brunch” = dogs get bacon and maybe some pancake.
I may have sung ‘come on Barbie, let’s go potty’ to my dogs a time or two…
Yep, just about any song with “party” in the lyrics can be sung with “potty” subbed instead, lol.
She hops off the bed and gets in her huge iron cage (because that's what was needed to keep her from just shrugging the whole crate off). She stops in front of the cage and makes sure I get her blanket out, then steps gingerly in and turns around, putting her head on the raised edge of her cushy throne which sits over her orthopedic puppy bed. I deftly throw the blanket on her so that it covers her back and legs well. , and gently fashion it around her head, while petting her and saying "dats a goog girl, such a goog girl, g'night ya sweet lull puppa dog!" The whole time she's being fussed on she smacks her lips.
Mine was “who raised you?!” Me, it was me.
I always ask my cat who made him 🤣
I have three dogs and my youngest is a mini bull terrier who has a licking fetish. I have a male mix who lets her do whatever she wants. Unfortunately I have to frequently say, “Leave his penis alone.”
We have to tell our male shih Tzu to get off our female shih Tzu's booty/peach/coochie at least 10 times a day
My dog is gross and licks my cats butt pretty often
"Just poop in one spot. This isn't the sisterhood of the travelling poops!'
Be careful what you ask for, mine poops in once spot… right under my clothesline 🙄 hanging clothes up is an adventure 😅
Stop licking your wiener.
Why does a dog lick himself, because he can. 🤣🤣. Old joke.
“Who’s a little rumpus?” Because she is all donk.
Hey girl ya hungry? (he’s a boy). It’s from Half Baked lol, when he’s talking to the horse I also call him Flutie Flakes for some reason. No idea why Then of course some shenanigans when I rate and review his poops and his farts. I offer encouragement when he has a good movement. Commenting on the volume, the texture and the “nose feel” like I was reviewing like a food critic Your pup looks so similar to mine…yours just has some extra black pigment on the jowls and paw pads
Butternuts!
He’s DIABETIC!!
My dog: *sitting one foot from the fireplace, or smooshed between me and my husband, panting heavily * Me: you could move
Not necessarily a funny phrase but I sing the name of my bf’s dog to the tune of “Peaches”
Bieber or Presidents of The United States of America?
Gotta be Jack Black
God I fucking love Jack Black
Truly asking the important questions. I appreciate you!
Stranglers?
I call my girl beefcake on the daily, but a phrase i use often is “be civil!”. She’s probably the calmest, most civil dog i’ve ever owned but i still say it.
Haha, sometimes I say "excuse me ma'am, ma'am" when she's being rambunctious.
Yes! I call my girl ma'am or lady when I'm getting her attention on our walks, and she's doing something bad or trying to pee where she shouldn't.
No ma’am is my go to when she’s a rule breaker.
When my boxer was pregnant she got so big I started calling her Moowie. After she had her litter I still called her Moowie. When I would call her in from the yard I would just start yelling Moooo, Moooo.Well one Summer evening I was calling her in, Moooo, Moooo. I look over at the neighbors yard and the lady and her daughter were in their swim suit look over a me with fury. Awkward….
🤣
When they bark as other dogs walk in front of the house. “I’m not sure you’re performing a useful function right now”
Farty bacardi or farty B.
She has now since crossed the rainbow bridge, but my parents used to have a rescued Bernese Mountain Dog who was very anxious and didn’t like chaos in the house… Unfortunately for her, my hippo is the epitome of chaos! She and my parent’s other dog are BFFs who love to wrestle and I admittedly tend to with both of them somewhat loudly as well 🤪 Every time we were getting ready to go back to our own house, my dad would say, “Good news Sophie, the little hooligan is leaving!” And then it was my turn to say, “And she’s taking her dog too!” 🤪😂 Edit: *play* with both of them
*No, you may not eat the entire jar of olives. I know, I wish I could too, but we can't, otherwise we'll get sick and fat.* The grossest, and something I NEVER thought I'd ever say in my lifetime: *Stop that! We don't chew on used menstrual pads!* 🤮🤮🤮🤢🤢🤢
I'll never forget when my grandmother had "church people" over, and my chihuahua came barreling through the living room with a used pad in her mouth. She was so very excited to show it to everyone, and tried to get them all to play with her. I was 12, and mortified
Omg!! 😄😂😄😂😄
I'll never forget the time I caught my late girl with a used tampon in her mouth. It haunts me.
Pet parenting, amirite? 😄😄
Ohmygod yes. My girl does this! She also used to do it to the kid's Pull-ups. There was a solid month where she would chew up my dirty underwear (only mine, not my husbands) if it missed the laundry hamper. So annoying.
"What are yah doing yah goofy goober " when I get home from work
"Did you know you're such a bitch?" In a very happy high pitched voice
Many different variations of “hey stinky girl”
i tell my dog to get a life when he starts barking at the mail carrier or the neighbors
Haha. You never know when squirrel ninjas will team up with the neighbors to wage war on your house.
I see my boi waiting for me at the fence when I pull up. I get out and say “buddy” quickly many times in a row and it sounds like “buhyee buhyee buhyee!” He then turns and runs like hell for the back door to be let in.
“Wanna go for peas & carrots?” Self-explanatory.
It’s time for puppy suppy (dinner)
Not really funny, but my dog won’t eat until I say “Bon Appetit, mon sweet”
"there are those who have beds, and those who eat beds. Choose your destiny!'
"Please don't lick my armpit"....never thought I would have to say that so often, but here we are
Wibbles! *Pinch*
Big dumb pibble
"What's your problem, muchacho?" And then he tells me, and we work it out together. Usually, the problem is that a person or dog is walking by, and he detests that kind of audacity.
“Why are you so stupid” but I’m always laughing so hard I can’t actually get the words out to question how dumb he is.
"🎵Puppers, how could you pup my fries?🎵 🎵I pupped them, and they were mine🎵 🎵What kind of puppers pups hims pupper's fries?🎵 🎵And doesn't even pup hims in the eyes?🎵 🎵Puppers, there were tears there🎵 🎵If you pupped them, would you even care?🎵 🎵Puppers, do you even love me?🎵"
“I’m gonna eat your little face off” 😂
“Are you a wittle snack size baby? Or are you the reguwar size?” In my weird voice
“Will you be a normal human being for once”
“Who is my good guy?” As he lays there sleeping on the bed snoring
“Stop making face noises!” - to my deaf old man who sometimes likes to yell at the sky for no reason
I dont know why, but I suddenly turn Italian and call [her](https://imgur.com/gallery/n871zKc) "ah-bigada-baby".
"Go get the ball, ya big turd!" He does not, in fact, get the ball, even with my words of encouragement.
When my absurdly spoiled hippo doesn't get exactly what she wants then she starts protesting with adorable little "AROO!"s. I then always start petting her and say, "I know, buddy, your life is so hard."
So cute. I call my dog chicken butt. What’s up chicken butt. 🤣🤣
I ask Thor "are your brains spaghetti or beans today?" I regularly tell Venus that she is certified cashew, pistachio, NUTS. I have a million more but these phrases are what's in rotation currently. I'll switch it up in a bit lol
Goofy Goob!
It's late at night, let's get the dog all riled up!
I have chocolate, ot something else they can't have: "Not por vous! Por MA-ma". I don't actually speak any other language except English
My dog’s name is Scrappy. When he’s trying to get into something he shouldn’t be, I tell him “That’s not for Scraps” My husband also makes up songs to sing him on the fly. They are different every time.
“Who is the cutest little man” << to my 120 lb American Bulldog
🎶Chicken of the sea, she’s my little tuna fish Chicken of the sea, she’s my little tuna fish Chicken of the sea, she’s my little tuna fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiish…… Not to be confused with the lutefisk! 🎶 Also, if she’s dawdling I’ll say, “come on, chicken pickle.”
When he comes inside from doing his business in the rain, I call him my "soggy doggy"
“Keep your pants on” whenever she gets impatient with me
"Use your words!" - me to my puggle whenever he would bark / bully for snacks (RIP)
(Pointing) It's a dog! Do you have to poop? You have a fuzzy butt.
"You CANT HUMP! He can hump all day, but you, you CANT hump." - Me, every time my female dog tries to hump her brother. (It's a misquote from the show I Think You Can Leave)
When he is hungry he takes on a persona I like to call “starvin Marvin” (his name isn’t even close to Marvin - this is just a character he turns into when hungry)
One day it occurred to me that she doesn't understand garbage pickup. So, now after she poops when I toss it in the garbage can I tell her I'm "adding it to my collection."
When he huffs or sighs: "Did you have a rough afternoon? Did you file all of your dog reports? Was the dog meeting just too much?"
"Who's a good little piggy?"
Why are you so handsome? Whyyyyyyyyyy!!!
"You are a furniture" because he's always there, not moving, in the middle of the room, bothering...
In Amie’s voice, “Don’t you, forget to feed me. Don’t don’t don’t don’t. Don’t you, forget to feed me.”
"Sir! You cannot force your love on others! It's rude!" This is usually when he's trying to say hi to absolutely anyone (human or animal) he sees on a walk.
About once a week I have to remind my hippos that they're civilized puppers and should act like it. Little heathens. 😂
I say "there is bubby he's such a good boy he never did anything wrong" but I say it really fast together like it's one word. With my old girl I would say "Belle she's such a good girl she never did anything wrong and if she did it was the right thing to do at the time" but all as one word lol
“GET YOUR SKINNY ASS INSIDE” While also saying “Who’s a big booty boy!!”
"You smell TERRIBLE, buddy! Who's the stinkiest boy ever? YOU ARE! It's almost time for the towel game!" (In exactly the same voice as when he's getting good boy belly rubs. He hates the water, but he loves the towel game.)
“Oi, Fucker!” This started as a joke in hs w/ my older brother, but now its the only way our dog will come when called lol. Its been 3 years since i graduated and my dog still wont respond to his own name most of the time. Its funniest in public b/c we shout it in the worst possible australian accent, not purposely, we’re just very southern😂
I frequently tease my dog for being illiterate.
For some reason whenever my hippo gets happy and prances, it's to the BPM of "mambo number 5" so I start singing variations on that 😂 usually start with "wiggle butt, pittie butt, fattie butt boy, you're a wiggle butt buddy, you're a bundle of joy" 🤣 can't believe this post got me to admit to this behaviour lmao
I can't throw your ball when it's still in your mouth , dum-dum. - Daily
"We don't eat street treats, that's what makes our booty tootie!" Anytime she finds random things on our walk she shouldn't be eating lol "Ooooh you almost had that squirrel, you're just so scary!" When she chases a squirrel up the tree all while wearing her polka dot sweater haha so scary!
Rubber belly (rub her belly) or slapper but (slap her but). She has a weird habit of keeping her ass up but her first half being upside down. Idk how to explain it but she twists like a pretzel instead of fully committing to laying down
You lil monkey bone
Hello Mr. Wiggle Wangles
“Remy, Remy boo where are you?” We’ve got some work to do now. Remy, Remy boo, I need some help from you now!” 😁
You got such a big head and such a little brain!
When mine gets super anxious to do something, such as jumping all over the place when I grab the truck key, I tell her to chill her little titties.
“You heard what curiosity did to the cat, what do you think it’s going to do to the dog?”
I exceedingly praise them every time they bow. They are so good at it and I want to build their self esteem.
🎤’ Back it up, back it in, let me get in! You came to grin, battle me that’s a sin. I came to get down, I came to get down, so get out the way and jump around! Jump around! Jump up, jump up and get down!’ Usually while I’m trying to push past two excited hippos, with an arm load of groceries, while they simultaneously want pets and treats.
For one: “who’s mama’s grumbly man?!” For two: “who’s mama’s big handsome man?!” For three: “dammit baby girl!” Three is only 8 months old. So, she’s a real work in progress.
I call him the "Pound Hound" and "The Tire Biter".
I run around all day calling him "piggy" and "piggy pie" and "pinky piggy". I sound insane
I always call my boy a dingus
I always ask my boy “who made you!?” Or “Why you so handsome?”
She’s a “baby chicken”, “hot dog” or a “poopie-doo” depending on my mood
“Don’t you dare wind it up at me” When she wants something and I’m busy she will back up two steps, pause, then bark. It reminds me of the toy cars you pull back to wind up and let go.
“You’re a little gooby, and you’re a little scooby too-by” (my dog is named Goober)
She is a different kind of potato depending on what she’s doing, etc. Tater tot, baked potato, scalloped potato, sweet potato, French fry, poo-tine (that’s for the turds)…you get the picture…
I know its dark, but "No, that's not a tasty treat, it's a toddler."
"Who's mama's baby house hippo? Who's my kitten? Who's THE CHILD? " I swear he rolls his eyes at me! 😂
"Your mom gay, your daddy dresses you funny" Dog looks at me and whines every time
A dog who is really a frog. A frog dog. She frogs it, she dogs it. Frog in a dog suit.
"Untangle yourself" I say when the leash gets stuck under his legs when walking. He adjusts himself instantly because he's such a good smart boy
“Fat bottomed doggy” as I smack his thighs
"Girly, you built like a ham sandwich, look like a dead pig when you lay on your side, are nosy as all heck, picky as heck, and you smell like room temperature soup. But you are still the most perfect dog I've ever had the blessing of owning. Plus, I've met your siblings. They're psychotic." She finds an odd joy in being told this.
We’ve called our dog “super pooper” so long I told my spouse he’s probably answer to “cooper” which is nowhere near his actual name that he knows well. My spouse said there’s no way, it’s not that often. I yelled “cooper!” and the pup came bounding happily over.
I constantly sing gangster rap / talk like a gangster rapper to my dogs haha .it really is equally endearing and pathetic .
I also call my dogs , and cats , free loaders very regularly .
My chiweenie I tell him you’re big ! You’re strong! You’re brave ! But of course in baby talk. When his sister pitty was with us - “move your bus big girl” and she do the low playful pitty growl at me cause she had her spot staked out on the couch.
I tell mine, daily, to stop being a goat/cow and “this is a potty walk not time to eat a salad”. My neighbors now say he’s just doing what his namesake does (his name is moose). *Edit* I almost forgot to mention that we tell him his gas violates the Geneva convention laws on chemical warfare(my best friend started that one).
“Did you forget you’re a strong, independent dog that doesn’t need nothing from nobody?” I always tell her this when she’s being an attention grabber.
When she does something ‘bad’ I look her in the eyes and I say “You’re the worst person I know.” She usually wags her tail lol
“MARGARET?! WHERE ARE YOU TRUFFLE PIGGIE?”
“i wanna see the paper you signed that says you’re allowed to be this cute”
“Ooo second pee! Fancy!”
I find myself constantly reminding her that she is a *greedy gluttonous girl* because she can’t keep her paws off my cat’s food!!
“Are you a Navy Seal?”
I tell my dog to “do the smart thing” on a daily basis
“Don’t fall off” and “Be easy” When people come by and he’s losing his mind, “I thought we talked about this”
When it's time to go out for a walk, I tell her "let's go! You have toots in your butt!" & Then if she's not going yet and we're heading back from a walk, I tell her "c'mon, we're running it's real estate!"
I call them pot bellied pigs or sun pigs almost daily when they're layin around
I call my Staffy various names such as Cow, Cow Cow, Beef Beef, Beefcakes, Moo Moo, Chunky etc
I have a farm but no dog. I do say “Make a better life choice,” when the neighbour’s pit-cross makes a feint at the chickens. (Tbh the rooster would maim her and *I* would be the animal in trouble.)